10 Things Every Wife Needs To Do For Her Husband | Paul Friedman

Summary

Paul Friedman, founder of the Marriage Foundation, discusses 10 essential actions for wives to strengthen their marriages. He emphasizes not berating husbands in public, avoiding judgment, and refraining from accusing them of dishonesty. He also advises against criticizing their parenting style and exposing them to anger. Positive actions include eliminating anger, starting interactions positively, being affectionate, and performing self-work to open one's heart. The ultimate goal is to foster a marriage filled with increasing happiness and unconditional love.

Takeaways

• 🙅‍♀️ Never berate your husband in front of others as it challenges his sense of masculinity and can deeply hurt his self-esteem.
• 🚫 Avoid judging your husband as it undermines his efforts to be the man you desire and can damage his confidence.
• 🤔 Refrain from accusing your husband of lying as it leads to defensiveness and doesn't contribute to a healthy, loving relationship.
• 👨‍👧‍👦 Do not criticize your husband's parenting style, recognizing that men and women parent differently and both styles are essential for a child's balanced development.
• 😡 Learn to manage and eliminate anger, as it detracts from the happiness and love in a marriage.
• ✂️ Consider an 'angerectomy' to metaphorically remove anger from your life and improve your marriage.
• 💬 Start interactions with your husband on a positive note, with compliments or acknowledgments, to build a loving relationship.
• 💞 Show affection to your husband not just physically, but also through acts of care and emotional support.
• 🤱 Be motherly, wifely, or girl friendly according to the situation, adapting your role to provide the love and support your husband needs.
• 🔍 Engage in self-work to master your emotions and open your heart to create a loving and transcendent marriage.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the Marriage Foundation founded by Paul Friedman?

The main focus of the Marriage Foundation is to provide guidance and resources to help improve and strengthen marriages, with a particular emphasis on the role of wives in supporting their husbands and fostering a loving and happy marriage.

Why does Paul Friedman suggest that women should not berate their husbands in front of others?

Paul Friedman suggests that women should not berate their husbands in front of others because it challenges the husband's very existence as a man, which can leave a deep emotional impact. Men are physiologically and psychologically designed to protect, and public criticism can undermine their sense of self and competence.

According to the transcript, why should a wife avoid judging her husband?

A wife should avoid judging her husband because it undermines his manliness and can make him feel as if he is not meeting her standards. Judging another person is also a way of avoiding acknowledging one's own flaws, and it's healthier to focus on understanding intentions rather than judging actions.

What is the significance of not accusing a husband of lying in a marriage, as mentioned by Paul Friedman?

Not accusing a husband of lying is significant because it prevents defensiveness and arguments, which are counterproductive to a healthy marriage. Confrontation can trigger primal survival instincts, leading to negative outcomes. Instead, fostering an environment of trust and open communication is recommended.

Why should a wife not be critical of her husband's child-rearing style, as per Paul Friedman's advice?

A wife should not be critical of her husband's child-rearing style because it is different from hers and serves a purpose in providing balance to the children. The husband's approach helps girls learn what to expect from men and boys learn how to be men, contributing to the overall development of the children.

What is the importance of eliminating anger in a marriage, as discussed by Paul Friedman?

Eliminating anger is crucial in a marriage because it can steal away from the happiness and love that should be present. Anger creates tension, conflict, and uneasiness, which are detrimental to a positive marital relationship. Learning to control and eliminate anger contributes to a harmonious and loving marriage.

How does starting interactions with a compliment or acknowledgement contribute to a healthy marriage, according to the transcript?

Starting interactions with a compliment or acknowledgement contributes to a healthy marriage by making the husband feel good about himself and appreciated. This positive reinforcement strengthens the bond and sets a constructive tone for communication, fostering a loving and supportive environment.

What does Paul Friedman mean by being 'motherly' in a marriage?

Being 'motherly' in a marriage, as explained by Paul Friedman, means showing compassion and a protective form of nurturing love towards the husband, especially during times when he needs care and support, similar to how a mother would care for her children.

How does 'wifely' behavior contribute to a marriage, as described in the transcript?

'Wifely' behavior contributes to a marriage by demonstrating loyalty, support, and recognition of the husband's achievements and qualities. It involves being receptive to his needs and desires, which helps in fostering a deep sense of devotion and love within the marriage.

What is the ultimate goal of doing 'self-work' in a marriage, as suggested by Paul Friedman?

The ultimate goal of doing 'self-work' in a marriage is to master one's mind and emotions to open up one's heart fully to one's spouse. This involves learning to use the mind in service of love rather than being controlled by primal drives or intellectual reasoning, allowing for a transcendental and loving marital relationship.