10 Things Every Wife Needs To Do For Her Husband | Paul Friedman
Summary
TLDRPaul Friedman, founder of the Marriage Foundation, discusses 10 essential actions for wives to strengthen their marriages. He emphasizes not berating husbands in public, avoiding judgment, and refraining from accusing them of dishonesty. He also advises against criticizing their parenting style and exposing them to anger. Positive actions include eliminating anger, starting interactions positively, being affectionate, and performing self-work to open one's heart. The ultimate goal is to foster a marriage filled with increasing happiness and unconditional love.
Takeaways
- 🙅♀️ Never berate your husband in front of others as it challenges his sense of masculinity and can deeply hurt his self-esteem.
- 🚫 Avoid judging your husband as it undermines his efforts to be the man you desire and can damage his confidence.
- 🤔 Refrain from accusing your husband of lying as it leads to defensiveness and doesn't contribute to a healthy, loving relationship.
- 👨👧👦 Do not criticize your husband's parenting style, recognizing that men and women parent differently and both styles are essential for a child's balanced development.
- 😡 Learn to manage and eliminate anger, as it detracts from the happiness and love in a marriage.
- ✂️ Consider an 'angerectomy' to metaphorically remove anger from your life and improve your marriage.
- 💬 Start interactions with your husband on a positive note, with compliments or acknowledgments, to build a loving relationship.
- 💞 Show affection to your husband not just physically, but also through acts of care and emotional support.
- 🤱 Be motherly, wifely, or girl friendly according to the situation, adapting your role to provide the love and support your husband needs.
- 🔍 Engage in self-work to master your emotions and open your heart to create a loving and transcendent marriage.
Q & A
What is the main focus of the Marriage Foundation founded by Paul Friedman?
-The main focus of the Marriage Foundation is to provide guidance and resources to help improve and strengthen marriages, with a particular emphasis on the role of wives in supporting their husbands and fostering a loving and happy marriage.
Why does Paul Friedman suggest that women should not berate their husbands in front of others?
-Paul Friedman suggests that women should not berate their husbands in front of others because it challenges the husband's very existence as a man, which can leave a deep emotional impact. Men are physiologically and psychologically designed to protect, and public criticism can undermine their sense of self and competence.
According to the transcript, why should a wife avoid judging her husband?
-A wife should avoid judging her husband because it undermines his manliness and can make him feel as if he is not meeting her standards. Judging another person is also a way of avoiding acknowledging one's own flaws, and it's healthier to focus on understanding intentions rather than judging actions.
What is the significance of not accusing a husband of lying in a marriage, as mentioned by Paul Friedman?
-Not accusing a husband of lying is significant because it prevents defensiveness and arguments, which are counterproductive to a healthy marriage. Confrontation can trigger primal survival instincts, leading to negative outcomes. Instead, fostering an environment of trust and open communication is recommended.
Why should a wife not be critical of her husband's child-rearing style, as per Paul Friedman's advice?
-A wife should not be critical of her husband's child-rearing style because it is different from hers and serves a purpose in providing balance to the children. The husband's approach helps girls learn what to expect from men and boys learn how to be men, contributing to the overall development of the children.
What is the importance of eliminating anger in a marriage, as discussed by Paul Friedman?
-Eliminating anger is crucial in a marriage because it can steal away from the happiness and love that should be present. Anger creates tension, conflict, and uneasiness, which are detrimental to a positive marital relationship. Learning to control and eliminate anger contributes to a harmonious and loving marriage.
How does starting interactions with a compliment or acknowledgement contribute to a healthy marriage, according to the transcript?
-Starting interactions with a compliment or acknowledgement contributes to a healthy marriage by making the husband feel good about himself and appreciated. This positive reinforcement strengthens the bond and sets a constructive tone for communication, fostering a loving and supportive environment.
What does Paul Friedman mean by being 'motherly' in a marriage?
-Being 'motherly' in a marriage, as explained by Paul Friedman, means showing compassion and a protective form of nurturing love towards the husband, especially during times when he needs care and support, similar to how a mother would care for her children.
How does 'wifely' behavior contribute to a marriage, as described in the transcript?
-'Wifely' behavior contributes to a marriage by demonstrating loyalty, support, and recognition of the husband's achievements and qualities. It involves being receptive to his needs and desires, which helps in fostering a deep sense of devotion and love within the marriage.
What is the ultimate goal of doing 'self-work' in a marriage, as suggested by Paul Friedman?
-The ultimate goal of doing 'self-work' in a marriage is to master one's mind and emotions to open up one's heart fully to one's spouse. This involves learning to use the mind in service of love rather than being controlled by primal drives or intellectual reasoning, allowing for a transcendental and loving marital relationship.
Outlines
👫 The Importance of Respect in Marriage
Paul Friedman, founder of the Marriage Foundation, introduces a discussion on the 10 things every wife should do for her husband, divided into 'do's and 'don'ts. He emphasizes the importance of respect, particularly not berating the husband in front of others, as it challenges his existence as a man and leaves a deep emotional impact. The talk aims to reveal the sensitivity of men, which is often misunderstood due to societal misconceptions of masculinity.
🚫 Avoiding Negative Behaviors in Marriage
The paragraph continues with advice for wives, focusing on not judging or assuming lies from their husbands, as these behaviors are unproductive and can lead to defensiveness. It also addresses the sensitive issue of not being critical of how a husband raises children, highlighting the differences in parenting styles between men and women and the importance of allowing fathers to raise children in their own way.
💢 Managing Emotions for a Healthy Marriage
This section discusses the importance of not exposing husbands to a wife's anger, as anger is not an innate human quality but a primal response that can be controlled. The talk suggests that all actions in a marriage should contribute to happiness and love, and anger detracts from these goals. It encourages wives to eliminate anger and to focus on building a marriage based on these positive emotions.
🌟 Building a Loving and Transcendent Marriage
The talk moves on to the 'do's, starting with eliminating anger and aiming for a marriage built on increasing happiness and unconditional love. It stresses the importance of starting interactions on a positive note, such as with a compliment or acknowledgement, to create a loving and transcendent relationship. The Marriage Foundation's courses for women are mentioned as a way to learn how to achieve this level of marital bliss.
👩❤️👨 Practicing Affection and Understanding in Marriage
The advice continues with being affectionate, not just physically but also through daily routines that connect couples on a deeper level. It discusses the importance of being motherly, wifely, and girl friendly according to the situation, providing care, loyalty, and support to husbands. The paragraph emphasizes the need for self-work to open one's heart and master one's emotions to create a loving and balanced marriage.
🔮 The Power of Self-Work and Emotional Mastery
The final paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-work for women to open their hearts and achieve emotional mastery, which is crucial for a loving and transcendental marriage. It discusses the battle between the mind's survival instincts and the soul's desire for love, and the need to use the mind to serve love rather than being controlled by it. The talk concludes with an invitation to visit the Marriage Foundation's website and take advantage of their offerings to improve one's marriage.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Berate
💡Judge
💡Implication
💡Critical
💡Anger
💡Affection
💡Motherly
💡Wifely
💡Self-Work
💡Liquid Love
Highlights
Paul Friedman, founder of the Marriage Foundation, discusses 10 essential things wives should do for their husbands.
The first five points focus on what not to do, aiming to reveal the husband's heart and sensitivity.
Wives should never berate their husbands, especially in public, as it challenges his existence as a man.
Judging one's husband can suggest that his manliness does not meet her standards.
Avoid confronting or implying that your husband is lying, as it leads to defensiveness and negative outcomes.
Do not criticize how your husband raises your children, as men have different nurturing styles.
Anger is not an innate quality and should be controlled to contribute positively to the marriage.
Eliminate anger through self-control and focus on building happiness and love in the marriage.
Start interactions with compliments or acknowledgements to create a positive relationship dynamic.
Affection should be expressed not just physically, but also through daily routines and emotional support.
Be motherly, wifely, or girl friendly according to the moment's needs to provide the right kind of support.
The most important point is for wives to do self-work to open up their hearts and master their emotions.
Mastering one's mind is crucial to opening the heart and allowing love to flow in a marriage.
The Marriage Foundation offers courses and guidance to help improve marital relationships.
The foundation's mission is to help couples achieve transcendental love and happiness in marriage.
Transcripts
hi my name is paul friedman i founded
the marriage foundation
and today we're going to do something
very special we're going to talk about
10 things that every wife needs to do
for her husband i broke it into two
parts there's
10 things to do and 10 things
not to do both are very important and so
i urge you to stick it out the last one
i think is the most important i'm sorry
for putting that at the end
but maybe it's a good idea because it
emphasizes
that one so let's go i'm gonna hit with
um the first five are going to be to
not do now this is purposeful
because this will if you're paying
attention this will
reveal your husband this will reveal
his heart a lot of things about a man
are quite unknown by women because we
don't get this education growing up
we don't learn we learn about how men
are tough and they're
callous in some ways and and like that
and i'm going to show you through this
how sensitive your husband is
so let's begin with number one
number one is never
berate your husband
in front of others obviously
or otherwise so
men are sensitive
they put out a facade a face
of toughness and that's part of being
a male we are
physiologically male
and that affects our psychology
so we have to protect
our women protect our children it's
designed
right within us it's in our
sub-subconscious
mind but it begins with the imperatives
created
by the gender because men and women
are created differently equal
is a funny word to use i i don't like to
use that word because
in some ways women are far superior
in other ways women are not as superior
when you berate your husband
you're challenging his very existence
as a man and it leaves a
very deep hole in his heart
now if you don't believe me next time
you do this
pay close attention step outside of your
anger
and watch what happens to him
watch how he responds to it
it won't be pretty i can promise you
that
when you do it in front of others it's
10 times worse now this is affecting you
negatively also
because he's not going to feel
competent in this way and he needs to
and you need him to so that's number one
never berate your husband number two
don't judge your husband you shouldn't
be judging
anyone but especially don't
judge your husband first of all you
don't understand
your husband his intentions
are what matter most and his
intentions normally
unless he's gotten beaten up by you over
time
his intentions are to be your man
and so when you judge him
you are suggesting that his manliness
is not coming up to your standard
and you're the one who he strives
to please doesn't that make sense
so some of you may be saying well he
doesn't do this for me
he is not the one asking these questions
you are so take it for what it's worth
for things that you can do and don't do
don't worry about him when he comes to
us
we have lists for him too so number two
is never judge your husband and always
remember
judging another is really a way of
avoiding
the flaws we are aware of within
ourselves
as soon as you catch yourself judging
somebody stop your mind
don't allow it to go there it is not
healthy at all okay
number three
for some of you like if your husband
has been unfaithful to you
or checking out other women on facebook
or looking at other women when you walk
down the street you're
suspicious of his intentions
don't call him out on it never
imply or tell your husband
he's lying it has zero positive
results you want
your marriage to be filled with
happiness
you want it to be filled with love
and i know that the trend out there
among
therapists is to bring things on the
table and discuss it and find out why
and see if you could reach agreements
human nature
doesn't care about all that nonsense
that's all theoretical
in reality when we are confronted
men or women when we are challenged
men or women because of the drive to
survive
innate within all of our bodies because
every cell
is a drive to survive every living cell
we know that
survival is the whole game for
any living thing and this impacts our
mind
even though we're human beings and way
above animals
it's still in it it's still in the mix
so when you confront the first reaction
is defensiveness almost no matter
who the person is it takes so much self
training to rise above
these instinctive primal tendencies
you can do that work and you should be
doing that work
it's almost imperative to do that work
so you don't get into arguments
and you don't lower yourself and for all
those reasons
but for now just know it's one of the
greatest
don't do things there is
don't imply your husband is lying don't
give him those eyes
don't roll your eyes nothing
okay number four
this is a big deal for many women
which is hard to understand quite
frankly because
well number four is don't be critical of
how your husband
raises your children now if they're
your children and not his children maybe
it's different but not really
bear in mind you're very different
women are natural nurturers
you've carried the children for nine
months
you're aligned with them at a very deep
level
your husband has been taught all his
life to be the man
to be this to be that he's coming off of
his reason
as best he can but he's still a man
and men do things with their kids that
women go oh my god
i mean i could tell you i i've raised
a lot of children i'm not going to give
you the actual number
one day i had three of my children
in the backyard and i don't know how it
happened i had a big step ladder
expanded at the time and the littlest
one was climbing up and jumping down
so pretty soon we had a contest with all
three of them pretty soon
we had cushions on the ground and the
ladder was
up against the house and we were
climbing onto the roof
and jumping and never occurred to me
that there was any danger maybe there
was some
but i certainly love my children and
would do anything to protect them
but when i heard mom pulling up into the
driveway
oh my god kids quick get down and they
knew they understood
you have to be very aware
that how your husband is raising your
children
is supposed to be different from how you
are
this is how children are balanced the
girls
learn what to expect from a man the boys
learn how to be a man so never be
critical
of your husband's child raring style
and look there's always extreme cases
i'm not talking about
the idiot men who hang their kids off of
four
four-story balconies i'm not talking
about those guys
but that's different okay
number five this is super important
[Music]
don't expose your husband to your anger
in fact
you should understand that anger
is not an innate quality
for a human being a human being
their innate quality especially women
the innate quality
is love but what happens is we get
pulled down
into our mundane lives and we start
behaving on the primal
level you might say that human beings
operate on three levels
and they move around the lowest level
the primal level
is all about getting
getting what you want when you want it
it's
take what you want take what you think
you need
take take take have sex with whomever
you wish
have no consideration for anyone else
it's pure selfishness
because it's driven by the drive to
survive
anger is tied to that very strongly
so when you're feeling it you have to
learn
how to get rid of it you have to learn
how to contain it
you don't want to just oh i'm just real
if i'm anger i'm going to let them know
no don't do that why not
the reason why not is because you have
two
primary goals in your marriage happiness
and love all of your actions
should contribute to happiness and love
if they're not contributing you ever
hear that expression you're either with
me or against me
in marriage you're either contributing
to a positive marriage
or you're stealing away from a positive
marriage
anger is definitely stealing
from a positive marriage it just creates
tension
creates conflict it creates uneasiness
disruption just because you have anger
if you cannot control it within
don't let it out it's that simple
now we're going to get into the do's
ironically interestingly no i set this
up
number six is eliminate
your anger and i played with the words
a little bit and i said do an anger
ectomy you know if you have a bad part
within you
you remove it like a tonsillectomy
like that i guess it's not a good joke
if you have to explain it
you have the power to eliminate
anger all together i know what's in the
world
i know they talk about anger management
why would you manage anger
you get rid of it you have free will
you have volition in other words you
have the ability
to monitor and control every single
thought and feeling
now you don't know how you have to learn
how
and that's what we're here for at the
marriage foundation by the way you
should subscribe to the channel
you need to understand that western
psychology has completely
failed in so many areas
but especially in marriage they talk
about things that make no
sense because the only things that make
sense in your marriage
write this down don't forget this
happiness and when i talk about
happiness
in marriage i'm talking about ever
increasing happiness every single day
you should be at your peak of happiness
today
and then again tomorrow and the next day
it keeps going up there is no end to
that
as a human being we're not taught this
but it's important to recognize and to
understand that this is the truth
there should be no end to your happiness
there's no limitation
on your happiness when it is real
happiness
the other goal of your marriage
is unconditional love ever
expanding love maybe this is
easier for you to grasp that there's
certainly no
end to love love is beyond us it's
beyond the mind
and this is the big distinguishing part
where we at the marriage foundation
set ourselves apart we talk about
marriage
for what it actually is it's that
relationship
with which you can build upon
individually
infinite happiness infinite love
it's the foundation and i've been doing
this for over 20 years
our clients will attest to this you can
look at our reviews
you can look at the reviews for the
books i've written
both breaking the cycle and lessons for
a happy marriage see
what people are saying you don't have to
just believe me
but we've hit upon something that is a
miracle
for marriage anger's got to go
eliminate the anger completely
okay that's so important but it's not
the most important
stay tuned for that okay number seven
and this should be a no-brainer
remember your interactions are what
create your relationship on the mundane
level
you have that primal level then you have
the mundane level that's where we all
live and work and do our thing
and then we have the level that you're
supposed to be building your marriage
upon
that's the level of love it's
transcendent
i know i didn't finish it before but i'm
finishing that thought
now and that's where you want to be you
want to be
in that higher level with your spouse
with your husband all the time and it's
not just
possible it's doable and we can teach
you
how to do that so when you have a
conversation you're
acting on the mundane level right
because it's words coming out
it's in the material realm start it with
a compliment
just make it a habit if not a compliment
then an acknowledgement
but start it with something
that's going to make your husband feel
good he's going to feel good about
himself
and as the giver he's going to feel good
about you
it's a very good practice
to make into a habit you try it and
you'll
see now all this information i'm giving
you is just the tip of the iceberg
don't think it's enough if your marriage
is
in trouble get the course for women
don't be afraid to try it
we guarantee it so you're not risking
anything but more importantly we want
you to have that marriage
that is beyond what other people even
think is possible
undreamed of possibilities that's
what you should be living within in your
marriage and if you're not
it's because you don't know how and we
can show you
number eight don't misconstrue what i'm
saying here
number eight is to be affectionate all
the time
now some people right away imagine that
it means being
kissy and touchy and feely that's not
the only way to show
affection for instance my wife and i
have a daily routine where we make a cup
of coffee
and we sit down and we don't talk about
anything
but the sky how beautiful it is we talk
about the kids we talk about
things that matter but are not like
emergency things or important things for
the mundane world
it's just a way of connecting with our
hearts
through our words and our presence with
each other
it is a form of affection does that mean
we don't
also it doesn't we do it
all because affection is very important
to express it but remember
all of your affection should be coming
not from a desire
to fulfill a need on your part
but a desire to fulfill a need
on your husband's part it's about giving
love
the more love the beatles said it so
well
the love you take
is equal to the love you make it's
true it's just true
what you give is what you're getting
by giving it's not a reciprocation
okay number nine
this is a little bit tricky to
grasp but stay with me number nine is
be motherly or wifely
or girl friendly
according to the moment now
when i say motherly
what i mean is being so
compassionate in a protective way
of your husband and there are times when
your husband
needs that and it could be it depends on
your husband
it could be if he gets a cut on his
finger just as an
example he gets a cut on his finger and
you go oh honey
come here let me wash it off let me take
care of it
here i'll bandage it up i'm going to
blow on him
you know you you're not being his mother
but you're treating him in a way where
he feels
that nurturing love that is normally
just for your children
so that's what i mean by being motherly
when it calls for
now wifely wifely is all about
the highest law in a marriage
is loyalty so wifely
is being loyal it's backing
him up it's being supportive it's
recognizing him for his achievements for
his qualities
for what he does it's being receptive to
him
when he reaches out to you
with a desire for you that's being
wifely
and it's a whole world unto itself
and it's well worth paying attention to
him
and seeing what his needs are and being
there to fulfill
you want your husband to love you you
want your husband to be devoted to you
you want your husband to put you ahead
of everyone else on the planet
he should do that and a lot of women
complain
when their husbands don't well this is
how you get your husband
to do that okay number 10 and i promise
you
this is the most important thing and
it's tied to
kind of a recognition of the thing that
we offer
that is probably the most special which
is
our course for women but the
but the thing to do is do
self work that helps you
open up your heart in this society
there's been so much disinformation so
much confusion around
sexuality around feminism around
masculinity and
the art of being a loving woman
a loving wife is not
within reach as it used to be
maybe it used to be but when you do
self-work which includes mastering your
own mind mastering your emotions getting
them under control they're not to be
honored
emotions are a software in your mind
and you could learn that from us how all
of that works
but you have to learn to master your if
you can't master your mind
you can't open your heart because your
mind
you see we're souls it's just the truth
this is not a religious
organization but you're a soul i'm a
soul
and we have a body and we have a mind we
are not
animals that are highly advanced we're
souls
that have a body and have a mind
but the mind is kind of in the middle
the body wants the
mind to do its bidding to protect it
from the drive to survive built into the
cells
but the soul is love to chip off the old
block of
the big love god and the soul
wants to exist in love
but the mind does not want that to
happen
the mind wants you to be chained
to survival and so it's kind of a battle
you might say
you need to learn how to master the mind
so you are using it instead of it's
using you if your
marriage is based on love and you've
become
intellectual and you use
too much reason you're out of balance
you're the one who has to choose
when each is appropriate when
and how to open your heart which is
constant with your husband and how and
when
to not let people see your heart
which is in the rest of the world
because the rest of the world will take
advantage of you when you do
but your husband won't just as you won't
take advantage of
him loving you that's the beauty i call
it
the sacred space of marriage for a
reason because it's where we could
really
you know they use the term let down your
guard but that doesn't cut it
it's not enough we're talking about
proactively
opening your heart i call it liquid love
pouring that liquid love all over your
spouse
engulfing them in love until
you can't tell where they begin and end
and you begin and end
and the you is the part that's love it's
transcendental marriage is an amazing
thing
so those are the ten and i hope this has
helped you see a part of yourself
in a part of marriage that you were not
aware of before
that's our mission at the marriage
foundation please visit our website
please take advantage of our offerings
whether they're the free offerings or
something
that you should purchase and you will
know and if you want to write into one
of our counselors some
for some guidance on that we don't
upsell you we don't try to push
something down your throat
we're here to serve you and that's what
we want to do
my name is paul friedman i founded the
marriage foundation
and thank you so much for spending time
with me
浏览更多相关视频
This is Why Love Doesn't Stay After Marriage.
God Will Bring Your Spouse To You When…
ABSURDO⚠️ TRETA NA FARIA LIMA
8 THINGS THAT MAKES ALLAH ANGRY WITH YOU!
लोगों से घुलने मिलने के 11 नायाब तरीके | SOCIALIZING TIPS FOR RESERVED & INTROVERTED |सब पसंद करेंगे
I Don’t Like My Spouse | MarriageToday | Jimmy & Karen Evans
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)