Quitting video games... one year later
Summary
TLDRIn this reflective piece, the speaker recounts their transformative year after quitting video games, which once served as an emotional crutch. They regained 2-3 hours daily, initially leading to feelings of alienation and sadness. Through walks and self-examination, they confronted these emotions and rediscovered a sense of play, eventually joining a dance community. This led to personal growth, new relationships, and reignited passions for singing and reading. The narrative explores themes of emotional healing, self-discovery, and embracing change.
Takeaways
- 🎮 The speaker quit video games a year ago, which was a decision not based on moral judgment but out of frustration and a desire for change.
- 🕒 Quitting video games resulted in the recovery of 2-3 hours each night, which initially led to feelings of panic and restlessness.
- 🚶 Going for walks became a way to cope with the newfound free time and to confront and process feelings of alienation and past failures.
- 💔 The speaker felt a deep sense of alienation both in the real world and within video game communities, despite leading groups and receiving compliments.
- 🌱 Embracing the change, the speaker began to explore and accept feelings of sadness and regret, doing 'catch up' with their soul.
- 💃 Discovering dance and community dance events provided a new, active way to engage with the world and connect with others on a non-verbal, emotional level.
- 📚 Reading became a rediscovered passion, allowing the speaker to connect with ideas and calm the mind, facilitated by a newfound sense of patience.
- 🎵 Singing and participating in a barbershop quartet became a significant part of the speaker's life, providing a creative outlet and a sense of community.
- ❤️ The speaker's divorce was finalized during this year of change, but it was a peaceful process with mutual respect and love.
- 🌟 The year was marked by personal growth, new relationships, and a rekindling of the speaker's inner child, leading to a more fulfilling and connected life.
Q & A
How long has it been since the speaker quit video games?
-It has been a year since the speaker quit video games.
What was the primary reason the speaker quit video games?
-The speaker quit video games because they were tired of using them as a way to regulate emotions and seeking a sense of community and meaning, which they felt was lacking both in the digital and real worlds.
What changes did the speaker experience after quitting video games?
-After quitting video games, the speaker gained 2-3 hours each night, which initially led to feelings of panic and restlessness. This eventually led to going for walks, accepting feelings of alienation, and finding new ways to connect with others and themselves.
How did the speaker's relationship with their body change after quitting video games?
-The speaker began to explore more active ways of engaging with their body, such as joining a dance community, which helped them get out of their head and connect with others on a non-verbal, physical level.
What was the impact of dance on the speaker's life?
-Dance provided the speaker with a new form of connection and a sense of play that they had been missing. It also led to a significant personal relationship that answered a big question in their life about feeling entwined with another human life.
Did the speaker completely stop playing video games after quitting?
-The speaker did not completely stop playing video games but shifted to a more casual and social approach, playing occasionally with friends or for a sense of play, rather than daily systemic use.
How has the speaker's relationship with reading changed after quitting video games?
-The speaker has fallen back in love with reading, finding the patience and calm to engage with books that they previously couldn't tolerate, thanks to the new person in their life and the changes they've undergone.
What role did singing play in the speaker's life after quitting video games?
-Singing continued to be an important part of the speaker's life, with them participating in multiple groups and even preparing for a regional competition with a barbershop quartet.
How has the speaker's emotional state evolved since quitting video games?
-The speaker has gone through a process of grieving the life they were leaving behind, accepting feelings of alienation, and finding new ways to connect and play, leading to a more emotionally fulfilled state.
What are the speaker's thoughts on the future after reflecting on the past year?
-The speaker is looking forward to the future with anticipation, expecting more significant changes and is focused on the year ahead rather than dwelling on the past.
Outlines
🎮 Quitting Video Games: A Year of Change
The speaker reflects on the past year since quitting video games, a decision made shortly before turning 40. Initially, video games were used as a means to regulate emotions and provide a sense of community and meaning. However, the speaker grew tired of being emotionally dependent on games and the communities within them. The decision to quit was not a moral one but rather a reaction to this dependency. The speaker discusses the initial struggle with the newfound free time and the eventual embrace of facing and processing emotions that were previously masked by gaming. This led to a period of self-discovery and growth, including going for walks to cope with the emotional changes.
🚶♂️ Embracing Solitude and Rediscovering Play
The speaker details how the time gained from quitting video games allowed for introspection and a reconnection with their inner self. They discuss the process of grieving the life left behind and the acceptance of feelings of alienation that persisted both in and out of the gaming world. The speaker also talks about the importance of play and how it was missing from their life, leading to a search for more active and engaging ways to use their body. This search led them to community dance, which became a transformative experience, offering a new form of connection and a rekindling of the joy of movement and play.
💃 Dancing and Love: New Beginnings
The speaker continues their narrative by sharing how dancing not only provided a new hobby but also led to a significant change in their personal life. They discuss the end of their marriage and the peaceful process of parting ways with their ex-spouse. The speaker expresses gratitude for the mutual respect and love that characterized their separation. They also share how, through dance, they found a new sense of connection and love, which answered a long-standing question about feeling entwined with another person's life. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's realization of the importance of being open to new experiences and the joy of embracing change.
🎵 Singing, Reading, and the Art of Living
In the final paragraph, the speaker talks about how their life has continued to evolve, with a renewed love for reading and the development of their singing skills, including participating in a barbershop quartet competition. They reflect on the decision to quit the daily routine of video games and how it allowed them to explore other passions and interests. The speaker also mentions the reintroduction of video games in a more controlled and social manner, emphasizing the shift from dependency to enjoyment. The paragraph ends with a look forward to future changes and the speaker's anticipation of sharing more of their journey in the coming year.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Video Games
💡Emotional Regulation
💡Community
💡Alienation
💡Self-Reflection
💡Play
💡Dance
💡Divorce
💡Singing
💡Barbershop Quartet
Highlights
Quitting video games led to reclaiming 2-3 hours each night, initially causing discomfort and a sense of panic.
The initial reaction to the regained time was to avoid being alone with thoughts, leading to going out every night.
The speaker began to feel alienation and sadness, using the extra time to grieve the life they were leaving behind.
Walking alone in neighborhoods became a way to cope with the emotional changes brought by quitting video games.
The speaker accepted feelings of alienation, which were present both in and out of video game worlds.
A realization that play and wonder had been removed from life and compressed into video games.
The decision to reintroduce play into life led to joining a dance community.
Dancing provided a deep, non-verbal connection with others, unlike any other social interaction.
The dance floor experience translated into a significant personal relationship, answering a long-standing question about love and connection.
The divorce process was underway before quitting video games and was finalized peacefully.
The speaker found a new love, which brought a sense of calm and allowed for more personal growth.
Reading became a rediscovered passion, with the newfound patience to engage with literature.
Singing continued to be a significant part of life, with the speaker participating in multiple groups and competitions.
The speaker started a barbershop quartet, which became a new creative outlet and source of joy.
Video games were reintroduced in a limited, social manner, rather than a daily systemic use.
The speaker now has a plethora of enriching activities, leading to the challenge of managing time effectively.
The focus is on the future, with anticipation for more positive changes and experiences.
Transcripts
what a year it's
been it's been a year since I quit video
games and uh
it's it's a little surreal to admit that
I remember when I made the decision last
year thinking about what my life could
look like in a year
and almost everything that I
wanted has
happened and many things that I could
not have known to want as
well of course a lot of the change in my
life was already moving before I made
this decision to quit video games and so
I think what might be edifying for this
discussion is to kind of focus on um
what has changed in my life in the last
year as a direct result of this decision
to quit video
games
so the manner in which I used video
games that I quit week before my 40th
birthday last year was the habitual
daily systemic use of video games as a
way
of I think regulating emotion and giving
a sense of community and meaning in my
life something that I struggled to find
and despaired of outside of these
digital walls and which towards the end
and I despaired of finding within those
walls as
well and that's why I
quit it wasn't because I made some moral
decision it wasn't because I knew it was
best for me and it was time to do it it
was because I literally got sick of it
and I think
that that disgust Maps directly onto the
progress I'd made doing very small tiny
steps to progress forward over the last
five years and I've done videos on that
I've talked about my weight loss and all
kinds of other things that are going
on but I got sick of it I got sick of
feeling like I
was so subject to these video game
worlds and communities to regulate
myself and to be okay I would feel the
feeling of just feeling emotionally
dragged Along by patch notes or by
things people would say to me in games
or about my place on a DPS meter or
about you know my kill death ratio at
the end of a session
um I got sick of
it and maybe I've been sick of it for a
long time but it wasn't until I had an
inkling of what else was was out there
it wasn't until I I touched the
alternative that I could begin to let go
of the
crutch and that's what we
did so the first thing that happened as
a result of quitting these is I gained
two to three hours back every single
night and at first this was a
panic oh my God I'm sitting alone in a
room with my own thoughts
for an entire
evening this this something I can't bear
and I
couldn't for a little while I did
everything I could to get out of the
house every single night and some some
weeks I
succeeded they weren't really good for
me but they did keep meit occupied and
kept me away from this thing that I did
not want to return
to as that became more bearable
then I began to be presented with the
opportunity to
really feel the things that this habit
had
masked feel my feelings of
alienation feel my feelings
of sadness
regret over past failures and unmet
expectations
and I was given the
gift that I gave myself of a lot of time
to sit and work
through but sitting in my room was
unbearable so what I eventually found
myself doing was going out for walks and
that's what I spent the winter
doing walking
alone out in the
neighborhoods walking by the warm light
of family homes or spills of life that
flow out of bars and restaurants as you
share a sidewalk passers
by and I was given the gift of a lot of
time think to grieve the life that I was
leaving
behind I did not know this examination
was going to take me
here but it was good for
me I was doing
some catch up with my
soul and after
months and accepting a lot of help from
the people and the resources around
me I came to accept these feelings and
especially probably chiefly among them
was the sense of
alienation which is something that no
matter how deeply I invested myself in
these video games I never escaped the
feeling of and I never felt like I
belonged outside in the real world or
inside these digital worlds even when I
was leading groups of people even when I
was being given compliments or was
just meeting my own
expectations I still didn't feel like it
resulted in the connecting meaningful
thing that my heart was crying out for
but I didn't feel strong enough try
anything
else at the start of the
year I just I realized that it was time
to teach my heart how to play
again and that in sometime over the last
20 years I had taken all the sense of
play and wonder and exploration out of
my out of my life and I compressed it
into these video games to these online
experiences and that was the only place
I was giving that sense to myself work
had become a drudge the relationship had
become stagnant
um and that was the one place in my life
where I was allowing myself some
dynamism and play and testing a
boundaries when I took that out of my
life when I released that habit I lost
all connection to my inner child and my
sense of
play I didn't realize it for a while I
knew it felt hard I knew it felt
crushing but I didn't know why
eventually with a little help I was able
to name
that that's another story that I might
tell here on the channel
sometime or I might just keep it within
my heart I haven't
decided but that sense of play was
something that I knew that I needed I
also was looking for opportunities to
find more Conn active ways of getting
out and using my
body the previous year I
celebrated losing a bunch of weight and
feeling more confident to be out in the
world with getting out and getting back
into
singing that was a life-changing
choice but I felt ready for the next and
so I started thinking about well what's
the next thing I'm going to add and one
thing led to another which led me to a
flyer or a dance Community Dance
happening nearby and I just said you
know what let's go and it wasn't
convenient and it was intimidating as
anything but I went and I asked people
to dance I danced my ass
off I've been doing that ever
since getting into my body and out of my
head is something I didn't know I needed
so bad God I needed it I still need
it there are dances within a few miles
of me twice a week and even when I can
go to both it doesn't always feel like
enough um that feeling you get of
connecting with someone on the dance
floor is unlike anything I've really
ever
experienced you meet people in the real
world and for the most part it's a it's
mediated by a verbal exchange like what
kind like what we're doing right
now but when you meet someone on the
Dance Floor
and you're reading their their face
you're reading their body
language trying to figure okay what am I
bringing to this interaction and what
are they bringing and all of this is sub
verbal this is not processed thinking
this is just immediately felt like deep
in the brain
stem and then you're holding each other
and you're spinning
around and you're a lie
in one such
case that feeling on the Dance Floor
translated off the dance
floor and a big question in my life got
answered which
was how long am I going to have to
go without feeling my life entwined with
another human human life
without feeling that sense of Love
without
feeling that ineffable Indescribable
connection my divorce got rolling last
year and it was rolling by the time that
I quit video
games and its finalization was not
really in any way connected to this
decision to quit video games it it all
was
happening and I'm grateful that it all
happened
peacefully I'm very
fortunate that the person that I shared
a life with and decided to make make a
forge a different path from was on the
same page with me and then everything
that we chose to do newly and separately
was un amicably and with
love and
respect I haven't really talked about
that here and maybe I feel like I need
to say
that so it's been
said and I just
assumed I just assumed that having
accepted the idea that I was
alone that this was a lifestyle that I
was going to have to to really bring
into myself and learn to live with for a
long
time I achd for something knew but I
became aware of the sense that the more
I desired that
connection the more my heart
achd the further I got away from it and
the more in a sense I hardened myself
from the possibilities that were
actually around
me becoming aware of this
I did find my way to being really
ready and to being open
and the day that I did
that the sun Shone right
in that's a really fun story that I hope
to share with y'all sometime
what
else this is probably the headline of
this discussion of what's
changed about
how the exploration that I was kind of
flung into as a result of this Choice
helped me get caught up in my soul
accept some things I needed to truly
move on from the decisions i' already
made and be open to good new things
coming into my life and it wasn't just
just dancing and love that had come
in um I've also Fallen back in love with
reading and started
to
really crack the spines on a lot of
things that in my head
I no that's that's poorly stated that in
my heart I wanted to connect with but
that in my head I couldn't tolerate I
couldn't be patient
with something about the changes that
I've gone through and also
this this new person in my life that
brings me a sense of
calm that allows me to tolerate sitting
alone in the room by myself and that
results in a capability to sit and
read
um and I've found so
much between those pages
singing continues to develop in multiple
groups I'm taking my barber shop quartet
to a regional competition in about a
month I'm also going with a couple of
choruses but the quartet
is what I'm really really excited
about
um quartet is something that I started
to do and to work on at the exact time
last year that I quit video games and
quitting those and opening that up gave
me room gave me time not just to do all
this great spiritual foundational work
but also just to start figuring out how
how do I go from loving to sing and
enjoying singing Barber Shop once a week
with this amazing community of people to
having a quartet of people that I'm
building a brand and a sound and a form
of art with
and uh that's been really fun I've
learned a lot from that in the last
year I'm asking myself if there's
anything else important to share about
what changed um I suppose I should have
started this discussion by qualifying
that I didn't quit playing any video
games what I quit was the systemic daily
use
um and especially for the so for the
first three months I actually did quit
cold turkey and didn't do anything but
when winter rolled around and when I
felt the need to reintroduce a sense of
play into my life I I decided to loosen
up a little I loaded up the new Zelda
game tears of the kingdom it gave me a
lot of Solace
actually
um and um a few months later um hell
divers came out I think is what it's
called and I played it socially with
some friends for a little while and had
some good fun stomping
bugs and um the only other kind of
Gaming use that I've had in this last
year is uh socially so my my dear
brother will talk to me about video
games and the New York Yankees
and so we find time to play games from
time to time and that's how we connect
um but I've went from this place of
needing the expectation and structure of
these video games to feeling their lack
and starting to work through what would
fill up that terrible emotional
Gap and now I'm in the spot where I
filled it and I have too many good
things in my
life and the challenge is to stay
the challeng is to keep up with
everything that's a wonderful problem to
have and one of the things that ends up
slipping is making updates like these
for this
so today's a fun day um a Saturday
morning and I'm about to go meet up with
my girlfriend to go and uh hang out with
a friend mutual friend and um from there
the day will take itself where it needs
to go and um
I'm thinking about it with a lot of
Joy it's been quite a
year I know this has been a long
discussion at this point but in some
ways I feel like I haven't said very
much hopefully I've shared something of
value or at least of
Interest the path goes
on and although I'm
engaged right now with the examination
of the Year past what I spend most of my
time thinking about is the year
ahead there are more big great changes
coming it'll be a fun day when I sit
down and share those with you all
too I hope you're having a great
day and you're treating yourself well
remember
to be good to yourself and to each
other I'll meet with you again soon
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