Mediation and mindfully getting in the middle: Brad Heckman at TEDxTeachersCollege

Summary

The speaker humorously explores the challenges of mindfulness and mediation, admitting to having an 'unquiet mind' despite being in a profession focused on resolving conflicts. Using anecdotes, including references to F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jimmy Carter, and Colombo, the speaker highlights key mediation principles such as staying non-judgmental, embracing open-ended questions, and the power of silence. Through quirky metaphors and visual examples, the speaker encourages mediators to avoid assumptions, reflect, and be open to learning from others, even in silence or during conflicts.

Takeaways

• 🧘 The speaker admits to having a restless mind, making mindfulness challenging, yet they work in the field of mediation which requires being present and non-judgmental.
• 🐒 The concept of 'monkey mind' is used to describe an unquiet mind, symbolizing the chaotic and restless nature of thoughts.
• 🤔 The ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind, as mentioned by F. Scott Fitzgerald, is central to the practice of mediation.
• 🎭 The speaker uses visual aids and storytelling to convey complex ideas, highlighting their preference for visual thinking over verbal communication.
• 🔍 The importance of not making assumptions in mediation is emphasized, illustrated by a story about two women disputing over furniture, which was actually a cover for a deeper relationship issue.
• 🕵️‍♂️ The speaker suggests adopting a 'Colombo' approach in mediation, playing dumb to uncover the true nature of conflicts.
• 🌐 A Cold War anecdote illustrates the importance of clear communication and feedback loops in understanding and resolving conflicts.
• 🗣️ Reflection is a powerful tool in mediation; repeating back what is heard can help ensure understanding and show that the speaker is being heard.
• 😃 The speaker encourages mediators to use a neutral facial expression, like a 'cow face,' to maintain an open and non-judgmental demeanor.
• 🎷 Miles Davis's philosophy on the importance of the spaces between notes in music is applied to mediation, suggesting that silence can be a valuable tool.
• 🚗 The 'DeLorean' from 'Back to the Future' serves as a metaphor for 'time travel' in mediation, encouraging looking at the past to understand and resolve current disputes.

Q & A

What is the main challenge the speaker faces with mindfulness?

The speaker's main challenge with mindfulness is having an incredibly unquiet mind, often referred to as 'monkey mind,' where thoughts are constantly jumping around, making it difficult to focus and be present.

What is the difference between mediation and meditation as mentioned in the script?

Mediation is a profession that involves helping people move forward in problem-solving without making judgments or decisions, while meditation is a practice of training the mind to achieve a state of calmness and focus.

What does the speaker suggest as a core principle for effective mediation?

The speaker suggests that the core principle for effective mediation is the ability to hold two differing truths at the same time, which is a concept related to F. Scott Fitzgerald's idea of first-rate intelligence.

What is the speaker's favorite mantra for mediation?

The speaker's favorite mantra for mediation is 'it's not about you,' which helps to relieve the pressure of having to be the problem solver and allows the mediator to stay neutral and focused on the parties involved.

How did former President Jimmy Carter approach mediating the Camp David Accords?

Former President Jimmy Carter approached mediating the Camp David Accords by learning extensively about the participants, including their psychology, family history, culture, and even their sleeping patterns, to better understand and negotiate with them.

What role does the character Columbo play in the speaker's approach to mediation?

The character Columbo, a TV detective known for playing dumb to get information, is used by the speaker as an example of how to approach mediation by asking open-ended questions and not making assumptions about the parties in conflict.

Why does the speaker recommend using a feedback loop in communication?

The speaker recommends using a feedback loop in communication to ensure that the message conveyed is accurately understood, as demonstrated by the Cold War anecdote where a mistranslation could have led to a misunderstanding between JFK and Khrushchev.

What is the significance of the Velvet Underground's song 'I'll Be Your Mirror' in the context of the script?

The song 'I'll Be Your Mirror' by the Velvet Underground is used to illustrate the importance of reflection in communication, where reflecting back what someone has said can help them feel heard and understood.

How does the speaker suggest handling silence during mediation?

The speaker suggests letting silence be a friend during mediation, as it can provide an opportunity for reflection and can often lead to one of the parties filling the space with meaningful dialogue.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with conflict when mediating?

The speaker advises mediators to play dumb, reflect, time travel by asking about past interactions, and let silence work in their favor, all of which can help in resolving disputes effectively.

How can the principles of mediation be applied by individuals in disputes, according to the speaker?

The speaker suggests that individuals in disputes can apply the principles of mediation, such as playing dumb, reflecting, and time traveling, to improve their communication and potentially resolve conflicts more effectively.