Simon Sinek Q & A: How Do Cell Phones Impact Our Relationships

Summary

The speaker discusses the addictive nature of cell phones, particularly among adolescents, drawing parallels with alcoholism. They argue that phones are rewiring young brains to seek validation from devices rather than human interaction, leading to social and emotional deficits. The speaker advocates for banning phones in schools and classrooms to foster genuine human connections and improve mental health, citing increased rates of depression, suicide, and school shootings as consequences of this digital dependence.

Takeaways

• 📱 The younger generation is at risk of developing an addiction to cell phones, which can have long-term effects on their social and emotional development.
• 🧠 The constant use of cell phones can create a hardwired connection in the brain, associating stress relief and self-worth with devices rather than human interaction.
• 👥 Adolescents are learning to cope with stress through their phones, which can lead to a lack of social skills and an inability to form meaningful relationships.
• 🚫 The speaker advocates for banning cell phones in schools and classrooms to encourage face-to-face communication and socialization among students.
• 🔄 The presence of cell phones during social interactions can create a subconscious barrier, signaling that the people around us are not the priority.
• 📉 There is a correlation between the rise in mental health issues like depression and suicide, and the increasing use of cell phones, especially among younger individuals.
• 🔗 The instant gratification provided by cell phones can lead to a sense of entitlement and impatience, affecting how individuals approach relationships and life goals.
• 🏫 The speaker suggests that schools should experiment with banning cell phones to improve academic performance, reduce bullying, and enhance social skills among students.
• 👨‍🏫 Teachers and leaders should model the behavior they want to see in students by also refraining from using cell phones in classrooms and during meetings.
• 🌐 Technology, including cell phones, is not inherently bad, but it's crucial to maintain a balance to prevent it from becoming addictive and destructive to human relationships.

Q & A

What is the main concern expressed in the script about cell phone usage among young people?

The script expresses concern that young people are developing an addictive relationship with their cell phones, which is affecting their ability to form real-life social connections and cope with stress in healthy ways.

How does the speaker relate alcoholism to cell phone addiction?

The speaker compares cell phone addiction to alcoholism by explaining that both provide a temporary relief from stress through the release of dopamine, which can lead to a hardwired coping mechanism that is detrimental in the long run.

What role do social media alerts play in the development of cell phone addiction according to the script?

Social media alerts contribute to cell phone addiction by triggering dopamine releases, similar to the pleasure felt when drinking alcohol, thus reinforcing the addictive behavior of constantly checking for updates and likes.

Why does the speaker believe that cell phones should be banned in schools?

The speaker argues that cell phones should be banned in schools because they are addictive and distract from learning. They also prevent students from developing crucial social skills and relationships that are formed through face-to-face interactions.

What is the 'systemic impatience' mentioned in the script, and how does it affect young people?

The 'systemic impatience' refers to the expectation of instant gratification that young people have developed due to technology. This impatience makes them believe that all aspects of life, including love and friendship, should provide immediate satisfaction, which is not the case and can lead to disappointment and mental health issues.

How does the speaker suggest that cell phone usage impacts human relationships?

The speaker suggests that constant cell phone usage leads to a decrease in meaningful human interaction, which can result in feelings of loneliness and contribute to mental health issues such as depression and even suicidal thoughts.

What evidence does the speaker provide to support the negative impact of cell phones on adolescents?

The speaker cites the increase in suicides and school shootings, particularly among those born after 1980, as evidence of the negative impact of cell phones on adolescents' mental health and social behavior.

What is the speaker's recommendation for improving social skills and reducing cell phone addiction?

The speaker recommends physically removing cell phones from social situations, such as in schools and during personal interactions, to force individuals to engage with each other and develop the necessary social skills.

How does the speaker describe the behavior change when cell phones are removed from meetings or workshops?

When cell phones are removed from meetings or workshops, the speaker observes that people relax, engage in conversations with each other, and the quality of interactions improves, leading to better outcomes in the events.

What is the speaker's personal practice regarding cell phone usage during social gatherings?

The speaker personally gives his phone to a friend or turns it over to a central place during social gatherings to ensure he is fully present and engaged in the company of others without the distraction of his phone.

What is the overall message the speaker is trying to convey about technology and balance?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of balance with technology use, stating that while technology like cell phones is beneficial, it can become addictive and destructive if not used in moderation, particularly affecting human relationships and mental health.

Outlines

00:00

📱 The Impact of Cell Phones on Adolescents

The speaker discusses how cell phones, particularly their addictive nature, are affecting adolescents' development. They compare the discovery of alcohol, which often happens during teenage years, to the early exposure to cell phones. The speaker argues that just as alcohol can create a hard-wired connection to stress relief, cell phones are doing the same through the dopamine release triggered by notifications. This is leading to a generation that relies on devices for self-worth and coping mechanisms rather than human interaction. The speaker also touches on how the constant presence of phones affects social interactions and non-verbal communication, suggesting that phones should be put away during social engagements to foster better human connections.

05:00

🚫 Instant Gratification and Its Drawbacks

The speaker elaborates on the concept of instant gratification and its negative impact on young people's expectations and behaviors. They discuss how easy access to goods, entertainment, and even dating through technology has created a sense of entitlement and impatience. This instant gratification culture is contrasted with the reality that meaningful relationships and personal growth require time and effort. The speaker expresses concern over the rise in suicides and school shootings, linking these issues to a lack of social skills and human interaction due to excessive phone use. They advocate for banning phones in schools to encourage better communication and social skills, and share personal experiences where removing phones from meetings has led to more meaningful interactions.

10:01

🏫 Promoting Human Connection by Limiting Technology

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of limiting technology, especially cell phones, in educational and social settings. They suggest that by removing phones from schools, including cafeterias and classrooms, students will be encouraged to communicate and build social relationships. The speaker believes this could mitigate issues like depression, suicide, and school shootings. They also address the role of technology in adult life, suggesting that leaders and educators should model appropriate phone use. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about giving up phone use during social gatherings to improve the quality of interactions and concludes by reiterating the need for balance in technology use to preserve human relationships.

Keywords

💡Cell Phones

Cell phones are portable electronic devices that facilitate communication, internet access, and various other functionalities. In the video, cell phones are highlighted as a double-edged sword, being both a tool for connection and a potential source of addiction. The speaker discusses how cell phones can lead to a deficiency in human interaction and the development of real-life social skills.

💡Adolescence

Adolescence refers to the transitional stage of physical and psychological development that generally occurs during the period from puberty to adulthood. The video underscores the importance of this period, noting that it is a time when individuals typically seek peer approval and learn to cope with stress. The speaker argues that cell phones can disrupt this natural process by providing a false sense of social connection and stress relief.

💡Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with the brain's reward and pleasure centers. The script explains that dopamine is released both when individuals consume alcohol and when they receive notifications on their phones, creating a potentially addictive loop. This chemical response is linked to the speaker's argument that cell phone use can become a harmful coping mechanism.

💡Addiction

Addiction is a complex condition, typically involving a compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences. The video script uses the term to describe a potential over-reliance on cell phones for social validation and stress relief, suggesting that this reliance can lead to detrimental effects on mental health and social development.

💡Social Media Alerts

Social media alerts refer to the notifications users receive on their devices related to social media platforms. The speaker points out that these alerts can trigger dopamine release, similar to the effect of alcohol, and can contribute to cell phone addiction. This is part of the broader discussion on how technology can interfere with the development of healthy social skills.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth pertains to one's own sense of value or esteem. The video discusses how an over-reliance on cell phones and social media for validation can lead to a distorted sense of self-worth, where individuals derive their sense of value from likes, followers, and other online metrics rather than from genuine human interactions.

💡Instant Gratification

Instant gratification refers to the desire to fulfill desires immediately with little or no delay. The script criticizes the culture of instant gratification fostered by technology, suggesting that it can lead to impatience and an inability to appreciate the value of hard work and time in achieving life satisfaction and relationships.

💡Solitary Confinement

Solitary confinement is a punishment that involves the isolated confinement of prisoners. The video uses this term metaphorically to describe the social isolation that can result from excessive cell phone use, where individuals become more engaged with their devices than with the people around them, leading to loneliness and depression.

💡Depression

Depression is a mood disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest or pleasure in activities. The speaker links the rise in depression among young people to their increased reliance on cell phones and social media, suggesting that the lack of real-life social interaction can lead to mental health issues.

💡School Shootings

School shootings refer to incidents where firearms are discharged in an educational institution. The video suggests a correlation between the rise in school shootings and the increased use of cell phones and social media, hypothesizing that a lack of social skills and increased feelings of isolation may contribute to such tragic events.

💡Balance

Balance in the context of the video refers to the equilibrium between the benefits and drawbacks of technology use. The speaker advocates for a balanced approach to cell phone use, recognizing the value of technology while also acknowledging its potential to disrupt human relationships and mental well-being if not used responsibly.

Highlights

The speaker discusses the impact of cell phones on adolescents, comparing the addictive nature of cell phones to that of alcohol.

Adolescents are forming hard-wired connections to cell phones for stress relief instead of seeking human interaction.

Dopamine release from cell phone use is likened to that from alcohol consumption, creating a coping mechanism for stress.

The speaker argues that cell phones are creating a generation of addicts, affecting their self-worth and coping mechanisms.

The importance of human interaction during adolescence for acculturation is highlighted, contrasting with the isolating effects of cell phone use.

The speaker observes changes in behavior among young people who constantly engage with their phones, even when walking.

The subconscious effect of holding a cell phone on social interactions and the perceived lack of attention is discussed.

The speaker suggests that cell phones should be removed during human interactions to improve attention and relationships.

The impact of cell phone use on the development of social skills and the ability to form meaningful relationships is explored.

Instant gratification from cell phones is compared to the hard work required for genuine human connections.

The speaker calls for a ban on cell phones in schools to prevent addiction and foster human interaction.

Anecdotal evidence is presented suggesting a link between cell phone use and an increase in suicides and school shootings.

The speaker proposes that removing cell phones from schools could improve grades, reduce bullying, and mitigate mental health issues.

The importance of balance in technology use is emphasized, with the speaker advocating for cell phones to be treated like any other potentially addictive substance.

The speaker shares personal experiences where removing cell phones from meetings and social gatherings improved the quality of interactions.

A call to action for schools to experiment with banning cell phones to observe potential positive changes in student behavior and well-being.

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the need for leaders, including teachers and parents, to model the behavior of limiting cell phone use.

Transcripts

[Music]

let me talk about cell phones for five

minutes okay

so almost every alcoholic so I get to

talk to a lot of Gen Y kids high school

and and older but it's now the Young

generation is also is going to be

affected by this and then

some um they are suffering they they

they are starting with a deficiency that

is the responsibil that we have to share

responsibility in helping them overcome

let me explain almost every alcoholic on

the planet discovered alcohol when they

were teenagers because when we're very

young the only thing we need from our uh

the only approval we need is from our

parents that's it you know a little kid

looks to their parents the parents are

happy they're happy and then one we go

through adolescence we start to need the

approval of our peers as frustrating as

this is for parents it's actually very

important for us because it allows us to

acculturate outside of our immediate

families right it's a very stressful

time adolescence and what we're supposed

to learn is to rely on our friends

during this time of Stress and Anxiety

some people accidentally discover

alcohol and the numbing effects of

dopamine because that's what dopamine

does and unfortunately they accidentally

make a hard wired connection that when

they suffer stress you don't go to a

friend you go to the bottle and that

then plays out for the rest of their

lives all alcoholics 100% drink for a

finite number of reasons social stress

Financial stress career stress that's

pretty much it right it's a coping

mechanism so we know that you get a

dopamine release which is the same

chemical that makes you feel good when

you drink we know that you get a

dopamine release when your phone goes

Buzz or beep or Flash or you know Bing

we know that you get that when you get

social media alerts as well and so

what's starting to happen is these kids

as they're going through adolesence

nobody has recognized that the device is

actually addictive and so what we're

actually doing is creating an entire

generation of mini little addicts that

are getting hardwired to believe that

their sense of self-worth and their

sense of coping comes from the device

and not from another human being that's

why they have they suffer real stress

when they lose followers and they get

real Joy when they gain followers like

the number of responses they get or

likes that they get are real those

stresses when they when they suffer when

they're feeling a little bit down we do

the same thing when you're feeling a

little down you send out 10 texts hoping

to get one back and what's happening is

because the device is so can I borrow

someone's phone when when someone thank

you when someone when uh here's what

happens the kids are walking around with

them all the time I now see girls

walking around like this like they're

not even holding them down here it's

like this and I see boys walking around

like this this is just how they walk

it's here it's not here and they put it

on the table in front of them and here

let me show you what I

mean um there's a subconscious effect on

the on the people around us when we have

our phones and we're all guilty of

this um what if I'm holding my phone

it's not tweeting it's not buzzing it's

not beeping and I'm not checking it I'm

simply holding my phone do you feel that

you're the most important thing to me

right now no you do not and this is an

artificial environment simply by holding

the phone which means when we show up to

a meeting and we put our phones on the

table it says to the rest of the people

in the room you're not the most

important thing to me right now and by

the way putting your phone upside down

is not more

polite when we show up for dinner with

our families when we have to have a

conversation with one of our students

when we have to have a conversation with

a parent and we put a phone on the table

it says this is not the most important

thing to me right now you felt it and so

the most important thing to do is to get

rid of the device when you're engaging

with another human being so when

somebody says can I ask you a question

and you go

what's on your mind because what it says

is you have my attention remember that

those chemicals when somebody says when

when we feel that somebody actually

cares about us and if you don't have a

pocket you go to a shelf nearby you put

it down you say what's on your mind when

someone comes into your office you put

the phone in the desk you turn off the

monitor you shut the laptop you say

what's on your mind right so what's

happening is kids now they go for dinner

with each other hang out with each other

the lunch table with each other and the

phones are out constantly and not only

they just on the table they're actually

they're actually engaging with people

instead of engaging with the people that

they're with and they're not actually

learning thank you they're not actually

learning how to make friends they're not

actually learning how to talk to

people um so I've talked to many kids

about this that let's say they're using

Google Maps to get

somewhere and their phone dies they will

spend more time looking for a charger

than simply asking somebody where to go

because they're afraid to talk to people

and for slightly older ones dating is

the same you know uh you swipe right and

that's it you can get a date right like

dating has been made so easy it's

instant gratification and this is part

of the problem they're growing up in a

world of instant gratification where if

you want to buy something you go on

Amazon it shows up the next day you want

to watch a movie you just log on and

watch it you don't check movie times you

want to watch TV you don't wait week to

week to week you just binge watch over a

weekend um if you want to get a date you

just log on and you can get a date like

no problem and so what's starting to

happen is

they're accused of being entitled I

don't think they have a sense of

entitlement I think they're wonderful

smart hardworking kids I think what they

have is is a systemic impatience and the

problem is is they think that that

satisfaction in life fulfillment or even

love and friendship happen just as

immediately and they don't it takes time

and it takes unbelievable hard work and

the problem is they're not learning the

skills to make friends they're not

learning the skills to fall in love

they're not learning the skills to talk

to people they're not learning the

skills to find fulfillment because it's

slow and it's boring and it's human and

we're starting to see the results we're

starting to see suicides on the rise

nobody kills themselves because they're

hungry they kill themselves because

they're lonely we're starting to see

school shootings on the rise in the

1960s there was one in the 1980s there

were 27 in the 1990s they were 58 in the

past decade we've had over 120 70% were

perpetrated by kids born after the Year

1980 most of them were about 15 years

old and though we have no good science

on it we know anecdotally that spent a

disproportionate amount of their social

lives da da da

online Human Relationships is what makes

people happy this is why solitary

confinement is considered torture in

many places and what we're doing is

basically solitary confinement we've

taken the kids away from each other and

they're engaging with their phones more

than anything I for one do not believe

there should be a phone in a school

there should definitely not be a phone

in a classroom and I don't know why you

need the internet in a classroom either

whatever they're using they can I do not

understand because giving and it's and

the reason I'm draconian about it is the

same reason we take the alcohol out of

the alcoholic's home because you can't

trust the willpower it's too powerful it

is addiction it is addiction we aren't

even good at putting our phones away and

so now are you going to ask a

12-year-old a 10-year-old and a

nine-year-old to do it we're out of our

minds the only way to do it is to take

the phone away to to ban them in a

classroom and ban them in a school they

will hate it at the beginning and then

watch what happens I'll give you some uh

personal experiences so when I go into

do workshops with people I'll sit with a

room full EX Executives and the first

thing I do is I take a bucket or a bowl

and I walk around the room and I make

them throw their phones in the bucket or

the bowl I get very dirty looks and they

are not happy these are some senior

Executives that go like

this right and I just I take all the

phones away and I put them on the side

and then we start the workshop here's

what happens within a few minutes

everybody

relaxes people talk to each other and

the most important thing is the breaks

because usually what happens in a break

and I watch happen here too as soon as

we stand up we go like this you're all

nice and respectful when I'm on the

stage but as soon as we stop everybody's

checking in right now as an aside

there's no quicker way to undermine the

trust in your people than to feel the

need that you have to check in every

hour as opposed to saying hey guys I'm

going to be out for a day you got this I

trust you right make it green check with

Steve you know uh but that's what we do

we respond to everything um um but worse

we're not engaging with each other the

value of these events is each other and

so when I take these phones away from

these Executives in the breaks they sit

and they talk to each other nobody goes

to get their phone I made no rule that

said they can't I just put them away and

put them on the side they actually talk

to each other the quality of the

workshop is always fantastic and the

best part is when they walk out they

actually are talking to each other on

their way out in other words camaraderie

simply by forcing the phone to be taken

away it's a mechanism to get the

behavior that we want David marque's

work talks about this you don't trying

to change people's thinking to get the

behavior you change the behavior to

change their thinking and so sometimes

you have to force it there should never

ever ever be a cell phone in a

conference in a conference room I don't

care if you're with each other or or

with your parents whatever or you're

meeting with your students theirs or

yours there should never be a cell phone

out in any kind of conference room ever

because the quality of the meetings goes

up and I promise you even though people

will Grumble and even though they'll

hate it and even the parents will say

what about an emergency here's what you

do in an emergency call this number it's

the it's the

School tell us little Jimmy something

happened to his grandmother and we'll go

get little Jimmy for you old school

right like I got it there's an emergency

that doesn't mean the kid has to have a

phone on the whole time because the

negative impact is not worth the not

worth the benefit and at the end of the

day how many kids have really been

called out because of emergencies on

their phones I mean you know in my world

I would love to put chicken wire inside

the sheetrock of all the schools so the

phones just don't work and it'll be like

ah AT&T you know

anyway my point is is what'll start to

happen is simply by removing the device

including the cafeteria I'm not talking

classroom I'm talking everywhere you'll

start to see the kids talking and

learning how to communicate and learning

how to build social relationships

learning how to talk to each other

learning how to talk to their teachers

learning how to talk to their parents

they will acculturate and socialize

their skills that they're lacking that

are manifesting in things like

depression suicide and school shootings

later on in life that's those are the

worst case scenarios the best case

scenario is you just hate your life and

live live your life just going through

life thinking life sucks and not really

loving your friends colleges now are

dealing with unprecedented numbers of

people dropping out or taking leaves of

ab absences because of

depression it all starts here you know

if there's one school here that wants to

experiment and literally ban phones in

the entire building teachers included I

think phones should be treated like

smokers make as many texts as you want

send as make as many personal calls as

you want

outside right at least smokers are

social at least they go out with each

other um and the reason I say this is

not because of some high futin op I love

technology I think there's nothing wrong

with technology it's about the balance

alcohol is great drinking too much

alcohol is not good for you gambling is

fun gambling too much is not good for

you cell phones are wonderful out of

balance they're absolutely addictive and

destructive to the relationships of

human beings and I bet one school could

demonstrate not only grades will improve

relationships will improve bullying will

improve all of that go sort of is

mitigated simply because the kids are

learning to talk to each other so I

wanted to bring it up because it's it's

a very real problem with adults as well

as as well as the teachers because

remember leadership starts at the top

which means if we we can't tell the kids

not to use their phones if we use ours

teachers can't use them either they can

be a place to use them Teachers Lounge

maybe you know after

school but not in the

classroom it matters I've been doing it

myself I go out with my friends now and

I go out for dinner and I hand my phone

to my friend whoever I'm with I'll give

them my phone I have no access to it now

and I relax and I enjoy my dinner with

my friend or I make everybody make turn

their phone one to the left we all give

our phones away that you know it's the

funniest thing somebody goes to the

bathroom what's the first thing we do we

pull our phone out and you know God

forbid we should like just enjoy the

surroundings for four minutes

you know or if somebody else brings

their phone out we have to because we

feel uncomfortable just sort of like

standing there so we bring our phone out

too it's what happens it's what happens

it it has a ripple effect anyway I've

I've beaten that horse a lot

[Music]