Daily Acts of Courage | Robert (Dusty) Staub | TEDxWilmington
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares a profound message about the transformative power of daily acts of courage, which they define as seven distinct yet interconnected behaviors. These acts range from dreaming and confronting reality to being vulnerable and taking action despite fear. The speaker's personal journey, marked by a challenging relationship with their military father, illustrates how embracing these acts can lead to personal liberation and improved relationships. The narrative concludes with an encouragement to identify and develop one's least practiced acts of courage to enhance the 'cardiovascular system of the soul' and live a more fulfilling life.
Takeaways
- 💪 The concept of courage originates from the French word for heart, emphasizing the heart's role in accessing bravery.
- 🌟 Small, daily acts of courage can strengthen the 'cardiovascular system of the soul', unlocking potential and passion.
- 🛌 Facing death can be a catalyst for personal transformation and embracing courage.
- 🎯 The seven acts of courage include dreaming, confronting reality, telling the truth, being open to confrontation, embracing the unknown, being vulnerable, and taking action despite fear.
- 🌈 Each act of courage is interconnected and contributes to personal growth and integrity.
- 🏆 The speaker's personal journey demonstrates the transformative power of courage in repairing relationships and personal development.
- 🤝 Changing oneself can lead to positive changes in relationships, as seen in the speaker's improved relationship with his father.
- 🔄 The speaker's father's initial resistance to change eventually led to a profound connection and mutual respect.
- 🌱 Daily acts of courage are essential for personal growth and filling the soul with love, joy, and meaning.
- 🚀 Identifying and developing the least developed acts of courage can prevent personal setbacks and enhance life quality.
- 💌 Sharing the idea of daily acts of courage is a valuable contribution to personal and collective well-being.
Q & A
What is the origin of the word 'courage'?
-The word 'courage' comes from the French word for 'heart,' signifying that accessing courage means accessing our heart.
How can small daily acts of courage develop the 'cardiovascular system of the soul'?
-Small daily acts of courage help to liberate purpose, passion, and power, enabling one to be their best self and live their best life, thus strengthening the metaphorical cardiovascular system of the soul.
What are the seven acts of courage mentioned in the script?
-The seven acts of courage are: 1) the courage to dream and express dreams, 2) the courage to see current reality, 3) the courage to tell truth to power, 4) the courage to be confronted, 5) the courage to step into the unknown, 6) the courage to be vulnerable, and 7) the courage to take action despite fear and doubt.
How did the speaker's encounter with a dying veteran at the VA hospital impact their life?
-The speaker was profoundly affected by witnessing the veteran's peaceful death and the love expressed by his family. This experience led the speaker to realize the importance of confronting their fears and changing their relationship with their father.
What was the turning point for the speaker in their relationship with their father?
-The turning point was the speaker's realization that they had been living in fear and sacrificing their life to avoid judgment. They committed to transforming their relationship with their father, which eventually led to a deeper and more loving connection.
How did the speaker's father change after the speaker's personal transformation?
-After the speaker's transformation, the father began to express love and pride for the first time, sought the speaker's advice, and their relationship improved significantly, turning him into the best friend the speaker could have wished for.
What is the significance of the ancient Celtic insight mentioned in the script?
-The ancient Celtic insight suggests that we exist in a landscape of sacred shapes, and as architects, we shape not only our environment but also the people around us and who we become.
How did the speaker's childhood experiences shape their early adult life?
-Growing up in a military family with a strict father and moving frequently, the speaker developed a defensive shell of sarcasm, argumentativeness, and rebelliousness due to constant anxiety and the pressure to be tough like their father.
What was the speaker's realization about life and death?
-The speaker realized that everything they would have, learn, and love would eventually have to be let go at the moment of death, which led to a commitment to stop worshipping fear and to transform their life and relationships.
How did the speaker apply the seven acts of courage to their relationship with their father?
-The speaker applied the acts by dreaming of a different relationship, confronting their own fears and behaviors, being open to change, and taking action to improve their relationship, which ultimately led to a stronger bond with their father.
What advice does the speaker give to the audience regarding the seven acts of courage?
-The speaker urges the audience to examine these acts and identify the one or two they are least developed in, as these are the areas where they may be holding themselves back in life.
Outlines
🌟 The Power of Courage
The speaker introduces the concept of courage, explaining its origin and significance. They emphasize that small acts of courage can enhance one's inner strength and enable a person to live their best life. The speaker shares a personal story about a life-changing realization after witnessing a patient's death, which led to the development of seven acts of courage that transformed their life.
🌈 The Seven Acts of Courage
The speaker outlines the seven acts of courage: dreaming and expressing dreams, facing current reality, telling the truth to power, being open to confrontation, stepping into the unknown, being vulnerable, and taking action despite fear. They share a personal transformation story, detailing how they applied these acts to improve their relationship with their father, leading to a profound change in their life and family dynamics.
💪 Cultivating the Soul's Cardiovascular System
The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to reflect on their own development of the seven acts of courage. They suggest that identifying and working on the least developed acts can significantly improve one's life. The speaker emphasizes the importance of daily acts of courage in nurturing the soul and achieving a fulfilling life.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Courage
💡Heart
💡Transformation
💡Dreams
💡Reality
💡Confrontation
💡Vulnerability
💡Action
💡Passion
💡Purpose
Highlights
The word 'courage' originates from the French word for 'heart'.
Courage can be developed through small, daily acts.
The speaker's concept of the 'cardiovascular system of the soul'.
The paradox of accessing courage through death.
The seven acts of courage that transformed the speaker's life.
The first act of courage is to dream and express dreams despite criticism.
The second act involves seeing one's current reality and understanding what works and what doesn't.
The third act is the courage to tell the truth to power.
The fourth act is the courage to be confronted and to listen to others' perspectives.
The fifth act is the courage to step into the unknown and take emotional risks.
The sixth act is the courage to be vulnerable and open to needs.
The seventh act is the courage to take action despite fear and doubt.
The ancient Celtic insight about existing in a landscape of sacred shapes.
The speaker's personal story of growing up in a military family and the impact on their character.
The transformative moment witnessing a patient's death and its impact on the speaker's life.
The commitment to change and the transformation of the speaker's relationship with their father.
The speaker's realization that changing oneself can change the whole system, including family dynamics.
The speaker's father eventually expressing love and pride, marking a significant change in their relationship.
The importance of daily acts of courage for personal growth and fulfillment.
Transcripts
today I want to talk to you
the word itself comes from the French
word for heart so when we access courage
we access our heart and it is
interesting when you think about this
the idea I want to share with you that I
have seen change thousands of lives is a
very simple one small discrete daily
acts of courage can serve to develop
what I like to call the cardiovascular
system of your soul helping to liberate
the purpose the passion and the power to
be your best self to live your best life
now the paradox of all that is that it
took death for me to access my heart and
it was death that gave birth to the
seven acts of courage that transformed
my life before I tell you that story
I'd like to share with you those seven
acts of courage briefly the first act of
courage is the courage to dream and
express the dream in spite of critics
naysayers internet trolls and your own
self-doubt the second act of courage is
the courage to see your current reality
to see what's standing with you what's
working for you what's also working
against you now the third act of courage
if I want to go from my current reality
to that vision I have to have the
courage as the Quakers say to tell truth
to power I have to have the courage to
confront but it's not enough to do that
I need to have the fourth act of courage
which is to be confronted if I dish it
out but won't take it there's no
integrity
so the courage to be confronted is to
hear other people even if they don't
deliver it in the most respectful way
the fifth act of courage is a tough one
it's the courage to step into the
unknown into ambiguity to take emotional
risks and to give up the need to be
right the sixth act of courage is the
courage to be vulnerable and open to our
needs the needs of others to be
vulnerable to life and finally the
seventh act of courage is the courage to
take action
act in spite of fear and doubt and it's
doing the right thing not what's most
comfortable habitual or routine and what
you do now the ancient Celtic people had
an insight they we exist in a landscape
of sacred shapes and that we are
architects and helped to shape that
landscape well as we shape that
landscape we also get to shape the
people around us and who we get to
become and how we get to dance to live
in this world of which we are unique and
special part so there we go the triple
spiral triple meaning so I grew up in a
military family of tradition honor and
responsibility
my father was a football star full
scholarship to Notre Dame instead of
going to school he went to fight for his
country in World War two now in high
school my father's nickname was get his
picture up here was blood and guts stop
and he was a tough character serving
with 101st airborne and the 82nd
airborne only made him tougher and
stronger now imagine going home and
telling this face that you got a D my
dad wanted me to be tough and strong
just like he was thing is we moved quite
a bit I was in ten different schools the
first ten years of schooling I was
always a misfit and in England I think
they called me that damn yank in off
base schools I was the damn army brat
I'll tell you I got beat up a lot what
was worse if I went home and I told this
man that I'd been beaten up
he'd whipped me and tell me go back to
kick tail cuz that's what he would do
the thing is I wasn't the warrior my
father was and wanted me to be I spent
my childhood in a high state of anxiety
about the next move the next bully the
next time my father would be angry with
me and by the time I was 11 years old
I had developed a defensive shell of
being sarcastic
argumentative righteous and rebellious I
was a real joint no and that fast
forward fast forward 11 years I was 28
years old my defensive shell well in
place having to prove I was right all
the time
argumentative and I was working in the
VA hospital as part of an internship in
graduate school as I was working at the
VA one of the patients I worked with was
a man in his early 60s when I met him he
could no longer talk he was being fed by
a tube in his stomach he was thin as
real nearly bald but he had brown gentle
eyes and he had a warm knowing smile on
his last afternoon on earth I happened
to be standing by his bedside because
I've been working with a family on the
other side was the duty nurse the wife
and his daughter his wife was holding
his right hand in both of hers and the
nurse was encouraging them to speak
their heart and I stood there in
amazement as they poured out their love
their gratitude and appreciation for
this man and in the middle of it he
simply exhaled and he was gone
a wife bent forward to kiss his lips
covering his face with her hair tears
are running down everybody's face
including mine after a while the nurse
led them from the room and I was left
standing there I couldn't move standing
there by the body of this man who had
served his country and just simply loved
his family it was like a bolt of
lightning went through the top of my
head down through the soles of my feet
and I realized that at some point in
time everything I would have everything
I would learn everyone I would love I
would have to let go of at the moment of
death what was more devastating I
realized that if that had been my father
on that bed that I could not have said
to him what that daughter said to her
in that moment I saw very clearly that I
had been treating fears if it was some
sort of God sacrificing my life to not
being judged to not being found wanting
to not taking emotional risk I made a
commitment to stop worshipping a false
god and I made a commitment to transform
my relationship with my dad now this was
hard because he had not had the same
commitment or a realization so I went
home now I and our family we yelled at
each other I decided I wasn't gonna yell
I was always proving how smart I was I
mean he was always putting me in my
place so when I went home next time he
started yelling I started yelling I
caught myself was very proud I
remembered that veteran in the VA and I
said dad I want to apologize he said I
don't accept your damn apology so I went
for a walk around the neighborhood to
calm down which was a new behavior I
came back ready to engage and he said
where you go you damn coward I went for
another long walk I want to tell you
that in the first few months of this
exercise I got a lot of physical
exercise but at the end of nine months I
was free I've been able to tell him my
appreciation my love I've been able to
engage with him and I was free and then
something amazing happened you can't
change one part of a system without
changing the whole system 15 months
later because he was a stubborn guy my
dad told me for the first time in my
memory that he loved me he told me he
was proud of me and he started asking my
advice now trained as a psychologist as
a marital family therapist I was glad to
offer advice and here's how he asked it
son one of my sales peoples got a
problem I wonder if that psychological
might be useful
it turned out it was his response was
well I'll be that B s really works I
will tell you this for ten years I had
the kind of dad I always wanted because
I was shaping myself to be the man I
truly wish to be from age 32 to 42 my
dad and I he was my best friend he died
suddenly at age 68 but as I stood by his
graveside just like by the bedside of
that veteran in the VA hospital there
was only gratitude grace and
appreciation I felt blessed so the seven
acts of courage applied to this was the
courage to dream of a different way of
relating to my father
in spite of the past history in my own
self doubts the courage to see the
current reality how I was contributing
to the problem the courage to confront
myself my stinking thinking even to
confront my father but with love and
respect the courage to be confronted
without defending or trying to prove I
was right the courage to learn and grow
to take emotional risks the courage to
be vulnerable to the love of the longing
I sought to express and finally the
courage to take action in the moment
informed by those other six acts so I
urge you to take a look at these seven
acts and pick out the one or two you've
least developed because those one or two
that you least developed is where you
trip yourself up
they are the Achilles heel that will
keep you limping through life at the
beginning of this talk I said that daily
acts of courage will serve to develop
the cardiovascular system of your soul
so how is the cardiovascular system of
your soul doing because if your heart is
not as grace-filled if you're not
filling all of the love and all the joy
and the deep meaning you want then small
daily acts of courage will make a
significant difference I think that is
an idea worth sharing
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