The most common MALE SEXUAL STRATEGY: most men are taxi cabs

Summary

In this sponsored episode of Psycax, Dr. Orion Taraban addresses a common male sexual strategy that often fails to sustain attraction in long-term relationships. He explains the 'ferry' analogy, where men offer to take women to their desired destinations, but struggle to change roles later. Changing this ingrained dynamic requires intention, patience, and readiness to face an 'extinction burst' of resistance. Dr. Taraban advises starting new relationships with the end goal in mind, rather than using a bait-and-switch approach.

Takeaways

• 😀 Dr. Orion taraban discusses a common issue faced by men in long-term relationships where they've been using unsustainable strategies to maintain attraction.
• 🚢 The 'ferry' analogy is used to describe how men often position themselves as means to a woman's end, offering to take her where she wants to go, which is not a sustainable strategy for a balanced relationship.
• 🤔 Changing long-standing behaviors in a relationship is challenging and can lead to an 'Extinction burst', where the other party resists the change.
• 🛑 Men who find themselves in the 'ferry captain' role cannot easily switch roles within the relationship without causing conflict.
• 🔄 To change the dynamic, one must be prepared for an emotional upheaval and work intentionally on specific behaviors, ideally with professional guidance.
• 👥 It's crucial to target one behavior at a time and not to announce the changes to the partner, but to let the changes in one's behavior naturally influence the relationship.
• 💡 The podcast suggests that it's better to start a relationship with the desired dynamic in mind from the beginning rather than trying to change an established pattern.
• 🌟 The importance of practicing the relationship dynamic you wish to have in the future, right from the start, is emphasized.
• 📢 The episode is sponsored, indicating that the topic was suggested by a listener's email, which is a common way for the podcast to address specific issues.
• 🔗 The advice given is practical and psychological, aiming to help men understand and navigate the complexities of changing relationship dynamics.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the listener's email to Dr. Orion Taraban?

The listener, Daniel C, is seeking advice on how to change his deeply ingrained 'nice guy' behaviors that have not been sustainable in maintaining attraction in his 12-year marriage, and he is unsure how to begin this transformation.

What is the 'most common male sexual strategy' that Dr. Taraban refers to?

The 'most common male sexual strategy' is when men advertise themselves as a means to a woman's end, similar to a ferry or water taxi, offering to take the woman where she wants to go, which often leads to an unsustainable dynamic in a relationship.

Why is it difficult for men to change from being a 'ferry captain' in their relationships?

It is difficult because the role has been long-standing and associated with reinforcement and reward for both parties. Changing this dynamic can lead to an 'extinction burst,' where the woman may resist the change and try to maintain the status quo.

What is an 'extinction burst' as mentioned by Dr. Taraban?

An 'extinction burst' is an intensification of the behavior that one is trying to extinguish, as a means of trying to maintain the status quo. It often occurs when someone tries to change a long-standing behavior within a relationship.

How does Dr. Taraban suggest approaching the change in relationship dynamics?

Dr. Taraban suggests approaching the change with intention and patience, focusing on changing one's own behaviors within the relationship, ideally with the guidance of a therapist or coach, and being prepared to weather the emotional storm that may result.

Why is it better to start a new relationship with the end in mind, according to Dr. Taraban?

Starting a new relationship with the end in mind is better because it avoids the bait-and-switch strategy where one initially takes on a role to attract a partner with the hope of changing the dynamic later, which often does not work.

What is the sexual marketplace analogy that Dr. Taraban uses to explain male and female dynamics?

The sexual marketplace is described as a dock where men are like ships offering their services as ship captains, and women are like passengers choosing which ship to board based on the itinerary and captain's appeal.

What advice does Dr. Taraban give to someone who wants to change their role from a 'people pleaser' in their relationship?

Dr. Taraban advises focusing on changing specific behaviors intentionally, without announcing the changes to the partner, and seeking professional help to identify and practice more effective behaviors.

How does Dr. Taraban describe the process of changing long-standing relationship dynamics?

Dr. Taraban describes the process as challenging and risky, involving a period of potential resistance and emotional upheaval, but also possible with intention, patience, and professional guidance.

What are the potential consequences of trying to change one's role in a relationship without proper preparation?

The potential consequences include an 'extinction burst' where the partner resists the change, leading to emotional turmoil and possibly reverting back to the old dynamics, which can be overwhelming and chaotic.