how to make friends easily | tips for the socially awkward, healthy friendships, how to be likeable

Summary

Dieses Video skizziert die Herausforderungen und Strategien des Freundschaftsfindens. Es widerlegt den Mythos, dass es für introvertierte oder schüchterne Menschen schwer sei, neue Beziehungen zu knüpfen. Der Sprecher teilt persönliche Erfahrungen und Tipps, wie man durch hohe Beziehungsstandards, das Überwinden von Freundschafts-Traumen und das Setzen von Standards die richtigen Freunde auswählt. Zudem werden Methoden vorgestellt, um potenzielle Freunde zu treffen und wie man durch positive Interaktionen und gemeinsame Interessen die Beziehungen vertieft.

Takeaways

• 😀 Manchmal kann das Finden von Freunden einfach sein, selbst wenn man introvertiert, schüchtern oder unauffällig ist.
• 🌟 Der Sprecher selbst war einst alle genannten Dinge und hat trotzdem gelernt, wie man Freunde macht und pädagogische Videos für Tausende macht.
• 🔍 Es geht darum, die richtigen Freunde auszuwählen und nicht nur Freundschaften zu 'machen', um eine positive Einflussnahme zu gewährleisten.
• 📋 Um erfolgreich Freunde zu finden, sollte man eine Checkliste mit den Eigenschaften von gesunden Freundschaften erstellen.
• 🤝 Vertrauen, Respekt, Gehör und Offenheit sind entscheidende Merkmale einer gesunden Beziehung.
• 🚫 Man sollte nicht von Einsamkeit oder Verzweiflung aus Freundschaften eingehen, um toxische Beziehungen zu vermeiden.
• 🌱 Es ist wichtig, die eigene Vergangenheit mit Freundschaftsverletzungen zu verarbeiten und dabei zu vermitteln, wie man das tut.
• 💡 Man sollte die Freundschaftsverletzungen verkraften, indem man Vergebung übt, seine Bindungsart heilen möchte und langsam Schritte macht.
• 🛑 Man sollte aufhören, Freunde perfekt zu finden und akzeptieren, dass sie unterschiedliche Interessen haben können.
• 🏋️‍♀️ Vertrauen und Selbstvertrauen zu bauen, indem man sich selbst Herausforderungen stellt und die Möglichkeit einer Ablehnung in Kauf nimmt.
• 🤝 Die beste Art, Freunde zu finden, ist durch gemeinsame Hobbys und Aktivitäten, die man regelmäßig betreibt.
• 🗣️ Für eine gute Konversation sollte man sich auf den anderen konzentrieren und viele Fragen stellen, um ein tieferes Verständnis zu entwickeln.

Q & A

Wie sieht die Meinung des Sprechers über das Herstellen von Freundschaften aus?

Der Sprecher betont, dass das Herstellen von Freundschaften einfach sein kann, und es ist eine falsche Vorstellung, dass es besonders für introvertierte, schüchterne oder außergewohnungsscheue Menschen schwierig sei.

Was sind die 'Grünen Flaggen' in Bezug auf Freundschaften, die der Sprecher anspricht?

Die 'Grünen Flaggen' beziehen sich auf die positiven Merkmale, die in einer gesunden Freundschaft vorhanden sein sollten, wie Positivität, Vertrauen, Respekt, Zuhören und Offenheit.

Warum betont der Sprecher die Bedeutung von hohen Freundschaftsstandards?

Hohe Freundschaftsstandards sind wichtig, um sicherzustellen, dass man sich um die richtigen Menschen bemüht und nicht aus Einsamkeit oder Verzweiflung falsche Freundschaften einht.

Was ist eine der Hauptbotschaften des Videos in Bezug auf das Auswählen von Freunden?

Stattdessen Freunde zu 'machen', sollte man sich auf das Auswählen von Freunden konzentrieren, um eine bessere und aufrichtige Beziehung aufzubauen.

Wie befasst sich der Sprecher mit dem Thema 'Heilen von Freundschaftswunden'?

Der Sprecher erklärt, dass ungeheilte Traumata aus der Vergangenheit unsere sozialen Interaktionen und die Art und Weise, wie wir Freundschaften eingehen, beeinflussen können, und er gibt Tipps, wie man diese Traumata überwinden kann.

Was sind einige der Strategien, die der Sprecher für das Treffen neuer Leute und das Herstellen von Freundschaften vorschlägt?

Einige dieser Strategien beinhalten, sich in Gruppen oder Klassen einzufinden, die einem Interesse entsprechen, das Herstellen von Beziehungen als regelmäßiger Kunde in Geschäften oder das Nutzen von Apps wie Bumble BFF.

Wie kann man nach Ansicht des Sprechers eine bessere ersten Eindruck als potenzieller Freund machen?

Durch das Herstellen einer guten Verbindung, das Betonen von Gemeinsamkeiten und das Zeigen eines positiven Energie und Interesses für den anderen Menschen.

Was sind die 'Psychologie-Hacks', die der Sprecher für das Herstellen von Freundschaften anbietet?

Einige dieser Hacks beinhalten, zuzuhören und zurückzuspiegeln, ein offenes und positives Verhalten zu zeigen, über sich selbst zu lachen, nach Rat zu fragen und über andere positiv zu sprechen.

Wie sieht der Sprecher die Rolle von sozialen Medien bei der Freundschaftsbildung?

Soziale Medien können als Werkzeuge dienen, um sich mit Leuten in Verbindung zu setzen, die ähnliche Interessen haben oder in der gleichen Region leben, und sie kann dazu beitragen, neue Freundschaften zu knüpfen.

Was ist der Schlüssel zu einem fließenden Gespräch und einer guten Beziehung, laut dem Sprecher?

Der Schlüssel besteht darin, sich auf den anderen zu konzentrieren, Fragen zu stellen, aufzumerksame zuzuhören und gemeinsame Interessen zu betonen, anstatt sich nur auf die eigene Persönlichkeit und das eigene Interesse zu fokussieren.

Outlines

00:00

🤝 Freundschaften neu definieren

Der erste Absatz spricht über die Herausforderungen des Freundschaftsfindens und wie manche Menschen dies für unmöglich halten, selbst wenn sie introvertiert, schüchtern oder zurückhaltend sind. Die Sprecherin teilt ihre persönliche Erfahrung mit, wie sie trotz ähnlicher Eigenschaften erfolgreich YouTube-Videos macht und Freunde aufbaut. Sie stellt die These auf, dass das Herstellen von Freundschaften falsch angewendet wird und stattdessen auf grünen Warnsignalen und Standards in Beziehungen basiert. Der Absatz beinhaltet auch eine Einführung in die thematischen Bereiche, die im Video behandelt werden, darunter das Erkennen von grünen Warnsignalen in Freundschaften, das Finden von Freunden im Erwachsenenalter, die Vermeidung von häufigen Fehlern und Strategien zur Bekanntschaftsbildung.

05:01

🛡️ Gesunde Freundschaftsstandards setzen

Der zweite Absatz konzentriert sich auf die Erstellung einer Checkliste für Gesundheit in Freundschaften. Es werden Eigenschaften wie Positivität, Vertrauen, Respekt, Zuhören, Offenheit, Ausrichtung und Bemühung als entscheidend für eine gute Freundschaft identifiziert. Die Sprecherin betont die Notwendigkeit, hohe Standards einzustellen und nicht aus Einsamkeit oder Verzweiflung zu suchen. Zudem werden Fragen aufgelistet, die man sich selbst stellen soll, um die eigenen Erwartungen und Standards für Freundschaften zu definieren.

10:01

🌱 Überwindung von Freundschafts-traumata

Der dritte Absatz behandelt das Thema des Überwindens von Freundschafts-traumata und wie dies das soziale Verhalten beeinflusst. Die Sprecherin erklärt, wie unheilte Traumen zu Selbstsabotage führen kann und wie man durch das Vergeben, das Heilen der Anhangsweise und das Festlegen einer Mission Vorsichtsmassnahmen gegen Isolierung und die Schaffung von gesunden Beziehungen ergreifen kann. Es wird betont, dass man langsam voranschreiten und sich selbst belohnen sollte, um das Vertrauen und die Fähigkeit, Freunde zu finden, wiederherzustellen.

15:02

❌ Vermeidung häufiger Fehler beim Freundschaftsfinden

In diesem Absatz werden häufige Fehler aufgezeigt, die Menschen beim Freundschaftsfinden machen, wie z.B. die Erwartung, dass Freunde perfekt sein oder genau wie man selbst sind. Die Sprecherin ermutigt, Ausreden abzulegen, authentisch zu bleiben, sich nicht von dem Ego oder Stolz ablenken zu lassen und sich ständig der Ablehnung auszusetzen, um die Furcht vor Ablehnung zu überwinden. Es wird betont, dass man die Vergangenheit hinter sich lassen und Vertrauen zeigen muss, um echte Freundschaften aufbauen zu können.

20:02

📍 Orte zum Treffen neuer Leute

Der vierte Absatz gibt Empfehlungen für Orte und Methoden, um neue Leute kennenzulernen und Freundschaften aufzubauen. Dazu gehören die Regularität in bestimmten Orten, das Beitreten zu Klassen, die Verwendung von Apps wie Bumble BFF, die Nutzung von Social-Media-Plattformen wie TikTok und Facebook Gruppen, sowie das Initiieren von Kontakten durch Direktnachrichten. Die Sprecherin betont die Wichtigkeit, sich selbst zu präsentieren, das Gespräch zu eröffnen und gemeinsame Interessen zu finden.

🗣️ Gesprächsführung und Lernpunkte

Der letzte Absatz bietet Tipps für eine fließende Unterhaltung und wie man durch positive Interaktionen wie Belobigung, Fragen stellen und das Betonen gemeinsamer Interessen sympathisch wirkt. Es werden auch Psychologie-Hacks vorgestellt, die dazu beitragen können, dass man sympathisch wirkt, wie das Wiederholen von Aussagen, das Lachen, das Anbieten von Ratschlägen und das Loben anderer Menschen. Der Absatz endet mit einem Aufruf an die Zuschauer, das Video zu liken und zu teilen, und ein Ausblick auf zukünftige Videos und soziale Medien-Aktivitäten der Sprecherin.

Keywords

💡Freundschaft

Freundschaft ist ein zentrales Thema des Videos und bezieht sich auf die Beziehung zwischen Menschen, die gegenseitig Wertschätzung, Vertrauen und Unterstützung bieten. Im Video wird betont, dass eine gesunde Freundschaft positiven Einfluss, Vertrauen, Respekt, Offenheit und gemeinsame Ziele haben sollte. Ein Beispiel aus dem Skript ist die Betonung, dass Freunde nicht nur für das Teilen von Problemen da sind, sondern auch um einen positiven Einfluss auf das Leben des anderen auszuüben.

💡Sozialer Zusammenhalt

Sozialer Zusammenhalt ist ein Konzept, das die Bedeutung der Beziehungen innerhalb einer Gruppe betont. Im Video wird er als entscheidend für das Aufbauen und Aufrechterhalten von Freundschaften hervorgehoben. Ein Beispiel ist die Diskussion darüber, wie man Freundschaften als Erwachsener aufbaut und wie man gemeinsame Interessen und Aktivitäten teilt, um den sozialen Zusammenhalt zu stärken.

💡Introversion

Introversion bezieht sich auf die Neigung von Menschen, Energie aus der Alleinseinsein zu ziehen und weniger von sozialen Interaktionen. Im Video wird erwähnt, dass auch introvertierte, schüchterne oder stillschweigende Menschen Freundschaften schließen können, indem sie die in dem Skript gegebenen Tipps anwenden.

💡Selbstvertrauen

Selbstvertrauen ist ein Schlüsselbegriff im Video, der die Bedeutung von Selbstsicherheit bei der Herstellung von Freundschaften betont. Es wird erklärt, dass Selbstvertrauen dazu beiträgt, die Fähigkeit zu haben, sich anderen zu öffnen und Beziehungen aufzubauen, wie im Abschnitt über die Schaffung von Selbstvertrauen und die Herausforderung von eigenen Grenzen beschrieben wird.

💡Freundschaftsstandards

Freundschaftsstandards sind die Erwartungen und Anforderungen, die jemand an eine Freundschaft hat. Im Video wird empfohlen, hohe Standards zu haben, um sicherzustellen, dass die neuen Freundschaften den eigenen Bedürfnissen und Werten entsprechen. Ein Beispiel ist die Aufstellung einer Checkliste mit den gewünschten Eigenschaften einer gesunden Freundschaft.

💡Kommunikation

Kommunikation ist ein wesentlicher Bestandteil jeder Freundschaft und wird im Video als Schlüssel für das Aufrechterhalten von Beziehungen betrachtet. Es wird besprochen, wie offene und ehrliche Kommunikation Konflikte lösen kann und wie sie zur Aufrechterhaltung von Vertrauen und Respekt beiträgt, wie in der Diskussion über die Qualitäten einer gesunden Freundschaft dargelegt wird.

💡Echtheit

Echtheit bedeutet, dass man sich in Beziehungen nicht verändert oder verhehlt, sondern seine wahren Gedanken und Gefühle teilt. Im Video wird betont, wie wichtig es ist, in Freundschaften authentisch zu bleiben und nicht zu versuchen, andere zu beeindrucken, indem man ihre Interessen oder Ansichten vortäuscht.

💡Verletzlichkeit

Verletzlichkeit ist das Teilen persönlicher Gedanken, Emotionen und Erfahrungen. Im Video wird Verletzlichkeit als übersehene Qualität in Freundschaften angesehen, die es Menschen erlaubt, auf tieferer Ebene zu verbinden und sich gegenseitig besser zu verstehen, wie in der Diskussion über die Bedeutung der Offenheit für die Stärkung von Beziehungen hervorgehoben wird.

💡Freundschaftswunden

Freundschaftswunden beziehen sich auf die emotionalen Verletzungen, die durch negative Beziehungserfahrungen entstehen können. Im Video wird erklärt, wie unheilte Freundschaftswunden die Art und Weise, wie man Freundschaften aufbaut, beeinflussen können, und wie man diese Verletzungen überwindet, um neue, gesunde Beziehungen zu schließen.

💡Motivation

Motivation ist der Antrieb, der einen Menschen antreibt, Ziele zu erreichen. Im Video wird besprochen, wie es wichtig ist, eine klare Motivation zu haben, wenn man Freundschaften aufbaut, um sicherzustellen, dass diese Beziehungen einen positiven Einfluss auf das Leben haben, wie in der Erörterung der Bedeutung der persönlichen Ziele und der Gründe für das Aufbauen von Freundschaften dargestellt wird.

💡Vergangenheit

Vergangenheit bezieht sich auf frühere Ereignisse oder Erfahrungen, die Einfluss auf die gegenwärtigen Handlungen und Entscheidungen haben können. Im Video wird betont, dass es wichtig ist, die Vergangenheit hinter sich zu lassen, um neue Freundschaften aufzubauen, und dass man bereit sein sollte, Vertrauen zu haben und Risiken einzugehen, auch wenn es das Potenzial von Verletzungen beinhaltet.

Highlights

Making friends is often perceived as difficult, especially for those who are socially awkward, shy, quiet, or introverted.

The speaker overcomes personal challenges to make YouTube videos and connect with people, despite being shy and introverted.

The video aims to debunk misconceptions about making friends and provide strategies for forming meaningful friendships.

Choosing friends is emphasized over making friends, to avoid a lack mindset and ending up with the wrong people.

Teddy Blake New York's sponsorship is mentioned, highlighting the brand's premium Italian leather handbags at accessible prices.

Qualities of a healthy friendship are outlined, including positivity, trust, respect, listening, vulnerability, alignment, effort, and communication.

Setting high friendship standards is crucial, and a checklist of qualities is provided to help viewers determine what they're looking for in friends.

Healing from past friendship traumas is discussed as a necessary step before seeking new friendships.

The importance of forgiving oneself and healing one's attachment style to avoid self-sabotage in friendships is emphasized.

Creating a mission for making friends helps with motivation and long-term sustainability of new relationships.

Avoiding common mistakes when making friends, such as expecting perfection or being too similar, is advised.

Staying authentic and not changing oneself to fit others' expectations is highlighted as key to forming genuine connections.

Exposure therapy through consistently putting oneself out there, despite the fear of rejection, is recommended to build confidence.

Taking a leap of faith and trusting others, despite the risk of hurt, is presented as a necessary step in forming deep friendships.

Various places to meet new people are suggested, including becoming a regular at a spot, joining classes, and using apps like Bumble BFF.

The power of social media, particularly Tick Tock and Facebook groups, in connecting with like-minded individuals is discussed.

Tips for having engaging conversations are provided, focusing on asking questions and finding common ground.

Psychological hacks to become more likable are shared, such as repeating back what others say, being easygoing, and asking for advice.

The video concludes with a reminder to be authentic, confident, and to focus on making others feel valued and understood.

Transcripts

making friends is so easy but everyone

acts like it's hard everyone has this

misconception that it's this impossible

task especially if you're socially

awkward shy quiet or introverted but

guess what I was and still am all four

of those things and yet I sit here every

single week and make YouTube videos to

thousands of people I come across

confident and I have the ability to go

to a stranger talk to them and make

friends with them but I get it okay

because for years I was a loner or I was

surrounded by friends that weren't right

for me and for so long I always dreamed

of the day that I'd have friends around

me that actually aligned with me and it

wasn't until I learned these tips that

it was possible and that's why this

video is all about how you choose

Friends making friends is the wrong

approach it's so centered around a lack

mindset and it means you're more likely

to end up with the wrong people as

always here's the video instructor we're

going to be covering green flags and

friendships how to make friends as an

adult how to avoid common pitfalls when

it comes to making friends strategies

where to meet people and so much more I

got you covered don't worry but right

before we jump into this video I wanted

to mention that this video has kindly

been sponsored by Teddy Blake New York

and if you've been following me on

Instagram then you know how obsessed I

am with this bag and that I've been

wearing it literally everywhere over the

last week when I tell you I am obsessed

with this bag and I need it in every

single color this brand is amazing

because they're all about designing

premium luxury feel handbags without the

luxury price tags every single one of

these bags are actually made with real

premium Italian leather they use the

same materials as all luxury Brands and

they never compromise on quality I love

the fact that this can be used with a

top handle but it also comes with a long

strap the inside is so roomy I actually

can't get over the smell of this bike

you guys and then there's a small pocket

I always like to put my lipsticks in

there they have a bunch of designs not

just this one every single color you

could imagine small bags big bags

everything this gray bag that I own with

the gold Hardware is the Kim lizard 11

inch bag there'll be a link in the

description for you guys to shop as well

as an amazing discount code for you guys

but honestly I'm just so impressed that

this is made with a team of Italian

designers they always give you a fair

price and it's so high quality pretty

enjoyable that it's literally designed

to withstand the test of time so your

money will be very well spent because

this is going to last you ages and

honestly I wear it with every single

outfit there's not one thing in my

wardrobe that this bag doesn't go with

so chapter one the friends you should be

choosing not making it's vital we place

importance on friendship green flags and

what our friendship standards look like

so of course this is the first step

because you need to enter into the

process of finding your new friends with

the correct mindset your friendship

standards need to be Sky High and you

cannot come from a place of loneliness

or being desperate because that's how

you either end up more lonely or

surrounded by toxic friendships so first

things first let's get our checklist for

these people in order so we know exactly

what we're looking for and then how we

can get it here are the qualities of a

healthy friendship one positivity of

course friends are there so that you can

talk to each other about your problems

have a shoulder to cry on but ultimately

you want to have positive people around

you as I said in my last video you will

the average of The Five People You spend

the most time with when you are going

into this process of trying to get new

people into your life you need to make

sure they're a good influence on you and

that you uplift each other you're not

trying to just find people to spend time

with and talk to it's important to find

people that actually energize you rather

than every time you leave a meeting with

them you feel drained and exhausted

because all they do is complain

criticize and gossip if you put up with

that that's exactly how you live a low

vibrational life healthy friendships

also look like trust okay I need to have

100 trust in you that you're not gonna

stab me in the back you're not going to

go around spilling my secrets to

everybody talking bad about me I need to

trust that you're loyal you won't lie to

me and if we have an issue you can come

to me and communicate with me next is

respect and this is crucial okay no

matter how different my friend is to me

we could be complete opposites maybe I

would never make the choices they make

in life however I still respect them and

the choices they make in life okay I

don't want to be friends with people who

just because they don't live the same

lifestyle as me think I'm weird or

question my choices or use it as an

excuse to criticize or gossip about me

the next quality is somebody who listens

and asks questions I need to feel seen

heard and accepted for who I am as as my

authentic self they have the desire to

get to know me on a deeper level they're

not just using me as their personal

therapist to vent all of their problems

and then never listen to what I have to

say and in that case you have to

question yourself when I meet up with

this person am I just sat there

listening to their stories the whole

time or giving them advice the whole

time next is vulnerability and I feel

like this is very overlooked in

Friendship you need to be able to open

up and share so you can connect on a

deeper level and understand each other

fully skip the small talk and the gossip

and just having fun experiences together

ask the real questions because once you

fully understand somebody you can care

for them properly you can show up for

them properly next is alignment and this

is easily confused okay because I don't

mean aligned in the way that we are

exactly the same type of people and we

want exactly the same type of things in

life no I mean roughly we want to go to

the same area in life which is up here

we are always trying to work on

ourselves we are always trying to reach

our goals we lead those conversations

with new knowledge and new energy and

motivation and these friendships are

amazing because if you're into your

self-development you and your friend are

going to help each other stay on the

same path as I said before you are the

average of The Five People You spend the

most time with so when you look around

at the five people closest to you think

to yourself do I want to be the average

of these five people if the answer to

that question is no and you would never

want to have any of their lives mindset

or goals then go find another friend

group the last qualities of a healthy

friendship are effort and communication

you want to make sure that you're not

the only person that's always asking

them to meet up with you you need to

know that when you need them they'll be

there and when they need you you'll be

there they're not going to drop you the

second they get into a relationship

they're not going to be super

inconsistent and always leave you

hanging and with communication it's

healthy it doesn't involve lies or

manipulation or gaslighting you guys can

have issues that's normal but they're

always resolved peacefully and in a

mature Manner and all of those qualities

equal a healthy friendship next it's

important to set your standards and of

course I'm going to help you out and

give you a list of questions that you

are now going to ask yourself so that

you can start forming this list of your

standards number one what do I expect

from Friendship number two how do I want

my friend show up for me when I'm going

through it number three how often do I

want to see them for me personally I'm a

very low maintenance friend okay I don't

want to be expected to meet up with my

friends every week so I need to meet

people that also live a similar

lifestyle and are okay with that four

what personality traits do I want them

to have for me it's compassionate

understanding and loyal what shared

values do I want us to have it could be

you need a friend that has the same

Hobbies as you or the same interests as

you or just the same morals as you what

are my non-negotiables for me it's you

have to be ambitious I don't want to

surround myself with any other energy

because truthfully I'm okay on my own I

want to surround myself with people who

are as ambitious as me and I won't make

friends with anybody who doesn't have

that quality next what experiences do I

want us to have together AKA what do I

want our friendship to actually look

like is it traveling together is it

always just casually chilling at each

other's houses having sleepovers is it

doing activities is it going on double

dates is it going on nights out every

weekend and doing the clubbing lifestyle

now I know first and foremost friendship

is about genuine interest and connection

and love and care for that person of

course but in order to keep your

standards High then you have to ask

yourself this question so for me what I

want to get out of my friendships is to

feel uplifted and inspired when we talk

and we meet up about our goals our lives

and everything for you you might want to

get out a good laugh and to feel relaxed

and not have to think about all of the

other stresses in your life or maybe you

want to make friends with people that

are older than you so you can have

deeper conversations and kind of learn

that wisdom from them and listen that's

not bad and that's not superficial or a

fake way to approach friendship because

if you were dating you would have these

exact same standards so why are you not

holding that for all of the other people

in your life chapter two how to heal the

Friendship wound this is so overlooked

but it truly does affect whether we make

friends how we make friends and what

kind of friends we have in our lives I

always questioned why haven't I found my

dream friendship group yet why am I

always alone and then I found out I was

self-sabotaging the whole time and I

didn't even realize because

subconsciously my friendship trauma was

controlling the choice as I made in my

social life I was literally isolating

myself to protect myself from going

through bad friendship experiences again

and I wasn't even fully aware that I was

doing that I experienced this by having

a lot of experiences with fake friends

or being betrayed or stabbed in the back

and just losing a lot of trust in people

because I'd been abandoned by friends in

the past a lot of us go through this and

it actually ends up altering our

perception of female friendships to

something that's catty or and

ingenuine but this was so far from the

truth there is so much love power and

support that is built within Sisterhood

and I don't want to miss out on that but

I was because I was trying to fill that

hole that trauma by spending so much

time with myself and I thought I was

protecting myself but really I was

hurting myself by playing it safe

because I was holding myself back from

having those experiences of female

friendship and that's when I realized

something had to change because you have

to be loving open and trusting to allow

the right friendships to come into your

life and you don't need to be perfect

but sometimes a little bit of

self-development can go a long way in

improving your life and the quality of

people in it we already know unhealed

traumas will affect all of the

relationships in your life so how do we

heal our friendship trauma this is how

one forgive yourself because you are

worthy of friendship and you need to

stop looking back at every single little

thing thinking that you were the cause

of it I've experienced this and it's a

very common experience when you go

through like a negative or traumatic

relationship with somebody even if they

did you wrong even if they hurt you and

disrespected you a little part of you is

always going to think but why did it

happen to me and how did I contribute to

this was it really my fault am I a bad

person I'm all for self-reflection and

recognizing where our weaknesses are and

where we go wrong but that wasn't your

fault okay if somebody hurt you you did

not deserve that you didn't deserve that

treatment you didn't deserve to be

abandoned hurt or rejected it was on

fire on you and it has nothing to do

with the person that you are however you

were treated has more to do with that

person than you and if you have

reflected on yourself and you know you

have good intentions then you should

remember that you are worthy of

friendship and that you would make a

really good friend two heal your

attachment style I always talk about

this because it really helps us in all

aspects of life I had to heal my

attachment style because I used to be an

avoidant this meant that I had to make

an active decision to go against my

natural beliefs of trying to isolate

myself and hold on to my Independence

because I thought other people or

relationships might ruin that avoidance

hate commitment and depending on other

people and that's what I was always at

and I knew I was never going to go past

that place unless I had the intention to

ignore it every single day on the other

hand if you have an actor's attachment

then you need to recondition your mind

into thinking I can make friends but

also I can live without them if that

comes to an end I am completely whole

capable and happy on my own I don't need

to cling to other people or depend on

them three figure out your mission

because this is going to be your

motivation don't just go out to make

friends just because you feel like

that's what you're supposed to do

because that's not going to be

sustainable in the long run a lot of

making friends is about putting yourself

out there and approaching people and if

you don't have the right motivation

behind it you're not going to build up

the courage to actually go and do it

think about the reason as to why you

actually want to make friends how is

this going to benefit you and your life

why do friendships mean a lot to you

what can you bring to the table in that

friendship and how would having a best

friend benefit you in your life and the

last step to Healing our friendship

traumas is to take it slow and one step

at a time be gentle with yourself trust

issues and changing the way you act as a

result of past traumas is normal you

need to make a plan of how you're going

to make friends which we're going to go

into at the end of this video and then

take baby steps when it feels

comfortable the important part is that

you're actually making steps you're

making progress you're not just going to

stay stagnant because that's your

comfort zone I had trust issues for so

long I didn't want to let anybody in but

I knew I was acting in my future self's

best interest by actually going out

there and trying to make friends because

my comfort zone isn't concerned with my

future it's just acting off everything

that's happened in my past which is no

longer relevant so when I'm taking these

steps like going out of my way to

message somebody new or talk to a

stranger or make conversational assembly

out for coffee I literally reward myself

I act like I'm talking to my inner child

and I'm like well done like I know that

was difficult and maybe the trust isn't

there yet and you're still very nervous

about this friendship but well done you

for taking that first step it's all

about having some self-compassionate

understanding in these situations so it

makes the journey easier don't put so

much pressure on yourself where it's

like oh but we're not friends yet and we

haven't met yet or what if they reject

me no no just focus on the step that's

right in front of you right now chapter

three avoiding common mistakes people

make when they're trying to make friends

the first one is stop expecting your

friends to be perfect and stop expecting

them to be the same as you this is very

common in female friendships you know

when you're trying to find your new girl

bestie and you want to have everything

in common with them that is not

realistic and nor is that going to

guarantee you a healthy friendship it's

important to be aligned with someone but

even if they have completely different

interests to you don't just dismiss them

too but I have no friends and I'm lonely

and I'm really shy and I'm socially

awkward stop making excuses you are

literally self-sabotaging your own life

and your potential sure those excuses

might be very realistic and based on

very hard facts as to everything that's

happened in your past as to why it's

difficult for you to make friends I

understand but you're never going to get

past that until you make the decision to

ignore those excuses you are the only

person that can save yourself and show

up for yourself I was like this for so

long well I used to get scared of

talking to new people I was too shy I

was too introverted it felt too scary

and I was more comfortable being on my

own but I knew in the long run I was

missing out on valuable friendships that

could have benefited my life so I

decided to be my own hero and save

myself and like I said before taking it

one step at a time literally acting as

my own mentor and saying okay first

things first you're gonna approach that

person well done you did that then

you're going to engage in conversation

with them then you're gonna ask them out

for coffee you're gonna make a plan and

you're gonna commit to it you are not

gonna allow excuses of past experiences

to run your life anymore the next rule

is to stay authentic don't try to change

yourself or alter yourself in a way that

you think this other person will like

you try to act like you're interested in

what they're interested in or to just be

a yes man to them no if you say

something and they disagree with it or

if they don't like the way that you

think or what you're interested in then

so be it why would you want that friend

in your life and even if they're funny

and you guys have good experiences with

them long term you're missing out of

meeting people who truly love you for

you and who you are the next rule is to

put yourself out there and put your

pride aside okay very common mistake is

that sometimes our egos get in the way

and we're waiting for other people to

approach us you know okay but that

person should text me first or they

should ask me out for a coffee no when

you're trying to make friends you can't

let your ego or Pride have any place in

this process you need to fake it till

you make it get that confidence and

reach out if you're rejected then so be

it and this links into the next rule

which is all about exposure therapy in

this case exposure therapy means

consistently putting yourself out there

and allowing the possibility of yourself

being constantly rejected from other

people and I know that sounds horrible

why would anyone want to experience that

but the thing is when you keep exposing

yourself to that experience you become

numb to it it no longer text you and it

raises your confidence destroying your

fear of rejection will make this entire

process of making and choosing friends

10 times easier because if you think

about it what's really holding yourself

back from dming that person or shooting

your shot or approaching that stranger

it's the fear that they won't smile back

or they won't talk to you or they won't

like you back but if they don't who

cares then they're just not your people

then we move on we go about our day and

we go to the next person it's it's

really not that deep okay it was never

that serious your mindset needs to get

to the pace of oh you don't like me okay

cool that's fine because I like and love

myself just because you don't want to

meet or you don't want to be friends

doesn't mean that's something inherently

wrong with me or that I'm not desirable

or I wouldn't make a good friend that

probably just means we're not aligned or

you're not interested and you are

completely okay and within your right to

have that opinion and that opinion

doesn't Define me so why should I allow

myself to be affected by that opinion

it's really that simple and the last

rule is to take a leap of faith

sometimes you need to leave the past in

the past and just openly trust no matter

what and is there a chance you're gonna

get hurt maybe but if you try to avoid

every single negative possibility in

life you would never go anywhere you

wouldn't apply to any jobs you would

never find your soulmate and you would

never find that group of friends chapter

four where to meet people now you have

the right mindset so let's meet those

new potential friends the key to this is

Hobbies so that you can find like-minded

people and I think the first step to

this is to build up the confidence and

courage to go out and do things alone

because once you're comfortable doing

that you'll be comfortable going to

places to meet people alone or joining

clubs or activities alone so the places

to meet friends one become a regular

anywhere you want could be a coffee shop

could be a bar when you become a regular

not only do you familiarize yourself

with the staff and that staff could also

be your age live near you have the same

interests in you and you guys could

perfectly get along and be friends but

you'll find other people who are

regulars at that place next is join a

class yoga Pilates tennis whatever

because just like when you were a kid

and you're in school and you were trying

to make friends you do it in clubs you

do it when there's a little community

and circular people around you where you

have no choice but to work together on a

team and talk to each other and get to

know each other and that is way less

intimidating it means that you're not

actually putting yourself out there that

much plus you already have the same

interests that you can Bond over that is

automatic conversation no awkwardness

needed the next place is Bumble BFF I

personally have never used this but I

have heard amazing things anybody I've

heard as ever mentioned this has always

said they found a group of friends from

this app the next place is Tick Tock and

I know this might sound crazy but I say

this because I've actually seen this

work a few times videos have come up on

my for you page where women who have

just moved to big cities like London or

Manchester will literally post a quick

little Tick Tock video like hi I'm a

girly in her 20s and I live in this area

of this city does anybody want to meet

up for coffee comment section hundreds

hundreds of women who are like oh my God

yes I'm also here and I'm living alone

and I would love to meet up easy next is

Facebook groups you can find a Facebook

group on anything on just being a South

Asian woman on being a girl in her 20s

on being a postgraduate best way to make

friends because people bond in there so

quickly while never meeting face to face

and lastly is to slide into the DMS

because social media was made so people

could be social reach out to people that

you follow mutuals people that live in

your area that go to your school your

University if you're a content creator

like myself reach out to other content

creators and be like do you ever want to

do a Content day so from everything I've

said the key factors are to put yourself

out there and have the confidence to be

the person that speaks first and do it

on a platform a location or a club that

links to who you are as a person and

your interests it's as easy as that that

is the magic formula that is what

majority of people do to meet friends

okay so I know why I should meet people

in the mindset I should have and where I

should meet them but what do I talk

about

you know I'm gonna tell you this is what

to talk about for the shy for the

socially awkward for normal people who

just really hate awkward silences I can

relate the key to this to having a good

conversation that flows and also this

person being engaged with you and liking

you and wanting to keep talking with you

is to go into this process of talking to

this person not with the mindset of I'm

trying to make this person like me or I

want this person to want to be my friend

no no no no no because if you think like

that you're going to be so in your head

all of your confidence is going to be

out of the window because you're placing

all of your power in the hands of this

person you're going to come up as

desperate you're going to be in your

lack mindset and you're not gonna have

that magnetic Aura so instead you're

gonna go in with the mindset of how can

I make this person feel and how can I

see and understand this person more

instantly you are now making this all

about the other person and not yourself

when you're constantly being

self-conscious and thinking okay but do

I look okay or how is this person going

to perceive me and what if they don't

like me and what if they reject me all

of that insecurities they're gonna show

through the way that you act and talk

with this person whereas if you are not

making all about how can I make this

person feel you're going to appear more

confident you won't be insecure anymore

and everything you say and do is now

going to be 10 times better because

you're focusing on listening and showing

up for that other person and that is a

99.9 chance that they are gonna love you

for it you are going to make such an

amazing first impression as a result it

is a proven fact that people love

talking about themselves so this entire

conversation strategy is going to be

centered around just asking them loads

of questions loads and the fact that

they're answering your questions and

talking to you for an extended period of

time and then opening up to you as a

result will trick their brain into

thinking that they already like you even

though they probably met you 10 minutes

ago I'm gonna give you a rundown of how

this is gonna look hi excuse me oh my

God I just wanted to say I love your

outfit me really oh thank you so much

that's so nice yeah your style is

incredible I love your necklace

especially where did you get it from oh

thank you so much it's actually just

from Zara oh my God I love Zara it's

literally my favorite store I'm

literally here in the shopping center

shopping all of the time are you from

here no I'm actually not from here I

just moved here like six months ago oh

cool well I've actually been living here

my whole life how have you been finding

it because sometimes I feel like there's

not really much to do on the weekends

you know I'm a good guy I've been having

that same problem where I don't know

where to go so I just always come to

this coffee shop trust me I feel your

pain but there's this really good lunch

spot that I love and not a lot of people

in this town know about it honestly I

guarantee you like it every single

person I take there loves it you know

what we should go together oh really

yeah I'd be done that sounds really nice

and that is an especially good example

because this girl over here was such a

dead conversationalist she didn't ask me

any questions and yet I still kept the

conversation going now that wasn't

realistic that's like a worst case

scenario where the other person takes no

interest in you and doesn't ask you any

questions back and yet it's still that

easy to keep a conversation going

realistically if you have a conversation

with a stranger and start off with a

compliment instantly they're gonna like

you and they'll be disarmed they'll be

more open to talking to you and secondly

whatever questions you're asking them

they're gonna start asking you those

questions back and then it's an evil

conversation where you're going back and

forth you're getting to know each other

and after the first 2-3 minutes where

you might feel awkward it becomes

natural and lastly the key to having a

good conversation is to emphasize the

things that you guys have in common

because yes that leads to easier

conversation but if you're emphasizing

all of the reasons as to why you guys

are the same it's gonna kind of trick

the other person into thinking they like

you straight away and this links into

the last chapter which is how to become

more likeable when you're making these

friends this chapter is not about

changing yourself we stay authentic

around here but I thought it would be

useful to end this video with a few

hacks that are known to make people more

likable based on psychology the first

tip is when you're in a conversation

with them repeat back to them what they

just said yeah so when I met with them I

just felt really uncomfortable and it

was just such an awkward experience I

didn't know what to do oh my God they

made you feel that uncomfortable I can

imagine how confusing that must be so

what did you end up doing then when you

repeat back to them what they just said

that shows that you're a good listener

but also if they hear words coming out

of your mouth that they just said in

their mind it will make them think that

you guys have shared interest the next

tip to be more likable is be like wanted

be easy going smile and laugh you want

to radiate positive energy and this

means no more resting face who

would you rather be friends with

me

or me the next step on how to be more

likable is to put your pride aside

because it disarms people okay start

joking about an embarrassing experience

you had or a time that you were a little

bit cringy this shows that you are

confident and secure in yourself and

because you're not trying to force this

perfect image of yourself on other

people it relaxes them and it allows

them to also be their natural authentic

self and open up to you plus when you're

telling funny embarrassing stories about

yourself it keeps people laughing and if

you can make people laugh they're gonna

like you the next hack is to ask for

advice this forms a really strong bond

and emotional connection people will

like you if they feel like they have put

their time and energy in to help you out

and lastly talk positively about other

people this creates an amazing aura for

yourself and it allows the other person

to start trusting you and based on

psychology whatever good things you're

saying about that other person this new

potential friend will start associating

those positive qualities you're talking

about with you and who you are as a

person and that brings us to the end of

this video I hope you guys enjoyed it if

you did make sure you give it a like And

subscribe because I'm putting videos up

every single week make sure you comment

down below and let me know what you

thought or drop down a video request

because I always listen to your requests

this video today and my last one were

also requested by you guys make sure you

follow my Instagram to keep up with my

daily life and follow my Tick Tock for

daily self-love and self-growth advice

they are all Linked In the description

below I really hope you learned

something new and this video helped you

out thank you so much for watching I

appreciate you and I'll see you in the

next one bye

foreign

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