how to get over your fear of being seen (the spotlight effect)

Summary

This video script addresses the fear that often prevents individuals from pursuing their dreams and making significant life changes. It offers a three-part framework to overcome this fear, starting with understanding the root cause of our anxiety, identifying personal reasons for fear, and then taking action by facing and embracing the discomfort associated with change. The script uses a parable of a parrot in a cage to illustrate the struggle between wanting freedom and clinging to the comfort zone. It encourages viewers to take small, consistent steps to build mental resilience and to live the life they envision, rather than being held back by outdated 'lizard brain' thinking.

Takeaways

• 🔓 **Fear of Change**: The script emphasizes overcoming the fear of change and stepping out of the comfort zone, which is often rooted in our prehistoric 'lizard brain' wiring for safety and predictability.
• 🕊️ **Parrot's Parable**: The story of the parrot in a golden cage symbolizes the desire for freedom while clinging to the comfort zone, illustrating the conflict between wanting change and fearing it.
• 🧠 **Lizard Brain**: Our inherent fear of being seen or changing is attributed to our 'lizard brain', an outdated survival mechanism that once served a purpose but now hinders personal growth.
• 👥 **Social Fears**: The script discusses the fear of judgment from friends and family, which can be a significant barrier to pursuing change and living authentically.
• 💔 **Rejection Anxiety**: The fear of rejection, both in relationships and personal growth, is highlighted as a common obstacle that prevents taking risks and embracing change.
• 🤔 **Self-Worth Concerns**: Doubts about deserving success or change are addressed, with encouragement to recognize one's worth and embrace the pursuit of a better life.
• 🌟 **Attention Aversion**: The fear of attention is identified as a barrier to self-expression and growth, often stemming from insecurities about one's appearance or abilities.
• 💪 **Building Confidence**: The script suggests that building competence in areas of life can lead to increased confidence, which in turn helps overcome the fear of being seen and judged.
• 🚀 **Pursue Fear**: A call to action is made, urging individuals to face their fears head-on by taking calculated risks and stepping into discomfort to build resilience.
• 🔄 **Routine Change**: Changing daily routines is presented as a method for initiating personal transformation, emphasizing the need for consistent, small steps towards growth.
• 🛠️ **Updating Our 'Hardware'**: The script metaphorically suggests that since we can't update our 'lizard brain' software, we must update our 'hardware'—our habits and behaviors—to adapt and grow.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the video script about?

The main theme of the video script is overcoming fear and embracing change to live the dream life, rather than being stuck in a comfort zone due to fear, guilt, or the fear of being seen.

What is the 'three-part framework' mentioned in the script?

The script does not explicitly detail the 'three-part framework', but it implies a process to transition from fear and self-sabotage to confidence and excitement in making life changes.

What is the significance of the parrot story in the script?

The parrot story illustrates the paradox of desiring freedom yet clinging to the comfort of the known, even when the opportunity for change is presented. It serves as a metaphor for the human tendency to fear change despite yearning for a different life.

Why does the script mention the 'lizard brain'?

The 'lizard brain' refers to the part of the human brain responsible for instinctual reactions, such as fear and anxiety. The script uses this term to explain how our ancient wiring for survival can conflict with our modern desires for change and growth.

How does the script suggest dealing with the fear of being seen or changing?

The script suggests understanding the root cause of the fear, identifying personal reasons for this fear, and then taking action by pursuing the fear, building competence, and changing routines to gradually overcome it.

What are some common reasons for fearing change mentioned in the script?

Some common reasons include fear of rejection from friends and family, self-rejection or feelings of unworthiness, and fear of attention and being in the spotlight.

How does the script relate to the concept of 'self-sabotage'?

The script relates self-sabotage to the act of clinging to fears and comfort zones as a way to avoid change and growth, despite the desire for a better life.

What is the importance of understanding one's 'prehistoric wiring' as per the script?

Understanding 'prehistoric wiring' is important because it helps to recognize that the fear of change is an outdated survival mechanism that no longer serves us in modern life, allowing us to consciously work on overcoming it.

What role does the fear of rejection play in personal growth according to the script?

According to the script, the fear of rejection can limit personal growth by causing individuals to avoid taking risks, making changes, and pursuing their dreams due to the fear of how others will react.

How can one build mental resilience against fear as suggested in the script?

The script suggests building mental resilience by actively pursuing the fear, exposing oneself to situations that trigger it, and practicing discomfort to build tolerance and strengthen immunity to fear.

What is the final step in overcoming fear suggested by the script?

The final step suggested by the script is to change one's routine and make small, compounding steps every day to gradually ease into the process of change and growth.

Outlines

00:00

🔓 Overcoming Fear to Achieve Freedom

This paragraph emphasizes the importance of not waiting to execute one's dreams due to fear, guilt, or the fear of change. It introduces a three-part framework to help individuals move from fear to confidence and excitement. The speaker shares a story about a parrot in a golden cage constantly repeating 'freedom' but refusing to leave when the cage door is opened, illustrating the struggle with change and the comfort zone. The summary encourages understanding the root cause of crippling fear and anxiety, which is often tied to our prehistoric wiring for safety and predictability, and suggests that this wiring is outdated in modern life.

05:01

👥 Dealing with Fear of Judgment and Rejection

The second paragraph discusses the fear of being seen and the fear of change, particularly in the context of friends and family who can act as 'haters'. It suggests that the fear of their reactions to our changes is a 'them' problem, not a 'me' problem. The speaker encourages adopting an abundance mindset, letting go of friendships that hinder personal growth, and understanding that the desire for change is real and attainable. The summary also touches on cultural tendencies that may exacerbate these fears and the importance of recognizing that true friends and family will adapt to the changes in us out of love and support.

10:02

💔 Confronting Self-Rejection and Fear of Attention

This paragraph delves into the fear of rejection, both from others and self-imposed, and the fear of attention. It challenges the idea of 'playing it small' in life due to a lack of self-love and the tendency to put potential partners on a pedestal. The speaker argues that self-worth and authenticity should not be compromised due to fear of change or rejection. The summary encourages embracing vulnerability, recognizing personal value, and understanding that attention is not inherently negative but can be a byproduct of personal growth and self-expression.

15:03

🚀 Taking Action to Face and Overcome Fear

The final paragraph focuses on taking action to confront and overcome fear. It suggests making a contract with oneself to pursue fear and embrace discomfort, as well as changing routines to break free from the cycle of fear. The speaker emphasizes the need to apply information and make small, compounding steps towards change. The summary highlights the importance of mental resilience, understanding that modern fears are not life-threatening, and the necessity of taking charge of one's life to achieve the dream life.

Keywords

💡Comfort Zone

Comfort zone refers to a state of psychological comfort and security where one feels at ease and in control. In the video, the concept is used to describe the reluctance to change or take risks due to the fear of the unknown. The speaker emphasizes the need to step out of one's comfort zone to achieve personal growth and live the 'Pinterest board life'.

💡Fear

Fear is an emotional response to perceived threats or danger. The video discusses fear as a barrier to personal change and growth, identifying it as a common but often irrational obstacle that keeps individuals from pursuing their dreams and living a fulfilling life. The script uses the example of the parrot in the cage to illustrate the paradox of desiring freedom while clinging to the familiar.

💡Change

Change is the process of becoming different. The video script addresses change as a necessary component for personal development and achieving one's aspirations. The speaker talks about the fear of change as a result of past negative experiences and how it can be overcome by understanding its roots and taking action towards it.

💡Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is the act of unconsciously undermining one's own success or happiness. In the context of the video, self-sabotage is linked to the fear of change and the tendency to cling to familiar patterns, even when they are detrimental. The speaker encourages viewers to exit the 'self sabotage era' by confronting their fears and embracing change.

💡Lizard Brain

Lizard brain is a colloquial term for the reptilian complex in the brain, which is associated with instinctual and automatic behaviors. The video uses this term to explain the evolutionary basis for our fear response, suggesting that while it was once useful for survival, it can now hinder personal growth in a modern context.

💡Prehistoric Wiring

Prehistoric wiring is a metaphor used in the video to describe the innate, instinctual behaviors that humans have inherited from our ancestors. The speaker argues that while these behaviors were once essential for survival, they are now outdated and can impede progress towards a more fulfilling life.

💡Risk

Risk is the possibility of loss or injury. The video encourages taking risks as a means to overcome fear and achieve one's goals. The speaker emphasizes that the fear of risk is often a barrier to living a life of freedom and success, and by taking risks, one can build resilience and confidence.

💡Rejection

Rejection is the act of refusing to accept or regard something. In the video, rejection is identified as a secondary emotion stemming from the fear of being seen and changing. The speaker discusses the fear of rejection as a reason people avoid taking steps towards personal growth and offers strategies for overcoming this fear.

💡Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a 'fraud'. The video touches on this concept when discussing the fear of success and the feeling of not being deserving of one's achievements. The speaker reassures viewers that their desires are real and attainable, countering the negative self-perception associated with impostor syndrome.

💡Attention

Attention in this context refers to the focus or notice given by others. The video script discusses the fear of attention as a common reason for people to avoid change and self-expression. The speaker shares personal experiences and suggests that building competence in areas of life can help individuals become more comfortable with receiving attention.

💡Discomfort

Discomfort is a state of being slightly troubled or uneasy. The video encourages embracing discomfort as a means to grow and change. The speaker suggests that actively practicing discomfort can help individuals overcome their fears and step out of their comfort zone, ultimately leading to personal development.

💡Routine

Routine refers to a sequence of regular actions or activities. In the video, changing one's routine is presented as a way to initiate change in life. The speaker illustrates the point by sharing personal anecdotes about the stagnation caused by a depressive routine and the importance of making daily small steps towards a better life.

Highlights

The importance of overcoming fear and guilt to start living your dream life instead of waiting for years.

The concept that fear and guilt are trivial but can be paralyzing if used as excuses for not leaving one's comfort zone.

A three-part framework is introduced to transition from fear to confidence and excitement in making life changes.

The story of a parrot in a golden cage symbolizes the desire for freedom yet the fear of leaving comfort.

Understanding the evolutionary reason behind our fear and anxiety when it comes to change and being seen.

The realization that our inherent wiring for safety is outdated in the modern world.

Identifying the root causes of fear beyond our prehistoric instincts, such as life challenges.

The impact of personal experiences, like parental divorce, on the fear of change.

Common reasons for fearing change, including the fear of haters and rejection.

The importance of not letting others' opinions stop you from pursuing change and personal growth.

The concept that everyone has a version of themselves living out their dreams, and it's attainable.

The necessity to let go of certain friends who hinder personal growth and change.

The challenge of dealing with family and cultural expectations that might conflict with personal change.

The fear of rejection and how it can affect dating and relationships.

Addressing the fear of self-rejection and the impostor syndrome when pursuing a dream life.

The fear of attention and how it can prevent individuals from expressing themselves authentically.

Building competence to increase confidence and overcome the fear of being seen and heard.

The strategy of taking action by pursuing fear and embracing rejection to build mental resilience.

Changing routines as a practical step towards overcoming fear and initiating personal change.

The metaphor of updating our 'hardware' to bypass outdated 'software' of prehistoric wiring in our brains.

Transcripts

you don't want to do what I did waiting

for years and years to begin executing

your dream life because of fear because

of guilt because of change no because

you're smarter than I was these are

seemingly catastrophic emotions that are

actually quite trivial but if you

continue to use them as an excuse or why

you can't leave your comfort zone then

you're going to be stuck in this exact

position 1 year from now still praying

for change but running from it still

begging for success but fearing it and

hoping for freedom but being scared of

so how do you make changes when change

is terrifying I got you here's my threep

part framework toore wrote this freedom

is all I want but to hope for it I feel

ashamed because it is not a question of

hope it is a question of taking a risk

this video is going to be a complete

breakdown of how you're going to go from

afraid of being seen and leaving your

comfort zone to confidence ease and

excitement in the entire experience you

can finally start living your Pinterest

board life because let's be honest I can

can make you an entire step-by-step plan

but being scared to execute it will make

it useless so it is my duty to help you

through this very real fear and exit

your self sabotage era a man a great man

a fighter for Freedom was traveling into

the mountains he stayed in a caravan

Sarai for the night he was amazed that

in the Caravan Sarai there was a

beautiful parrot in a golden cage

continuously repeating freedom freedom

and the Sarai was in such a place that

when the parrot repeats the word Freedom

it goes on going in the valley the man

thought I've seen many parrots and I

have thought that they must be Desiring

to be free from those cages but I have

never seen such a parrot whose whole day

from morning to the evening is spent in

asking for freedom in the middle of the

night he got up and opened the door of

the cage the owner was fast asleep and

he said to the parrot now get out but he

was very surprised that the parrot was

clinging to the bars of the cage he told

him again and again have you forgotten

about Freedom just get out the door is

open and the owner is fast asleep nobody

will ever know you just fly into the sky

the whole sky is yours but the parrot

was clinging so deeply so hard that the

man said what is the matter are you mad

he tried to take the parrot out with his

own hands but the parrot started hitting

him and at the same time started

shouting freedom freedom the man was

also so stubborn he pulled the parrot

out and threw him into the sky and in

the morning as the man was becoming

awake he heard the parrot shouting

freedom freedom he thought perhaps the

parrot must be sitting on a tree or on a

rock but when he came out the parrot was

still sitting in the cage the door was

open I share that story as the theme of

today's video wanting freedom and change

but clinging so hard onto your comfort

zone for safety but also spending your

days hours and minutes daydreaming of a

different life a different you giving

into fear step number one understand why

do we have crippling fear and anxiety

when it comes to being seen let's run it

back to the prehistoric days because I

want to illuminate how much this is not

your fault it might seem like you're

alone and like why do I have these

thoughts I'm so stupid for having these

thoughts why can't I just be a normal

person but I want you to understand that

everybody has this inherent wiring some

people have just bypassed it at a

quicker and easier rate lizard brain

helped our ancestors not die it kept

them safe ensuring them another day of

survival so by default humans are wired

to seek predictability stability and

safety but this wiring is outdated we

don't have tigers to fear mating

privileges are not handed out to us by

the head of the tribe and we don't need

to stay in one place for centuries

because it's hazardous to venture out

and move yes these once served as very

valid rational human thoughts but are

now just a modern-day burden you might

also share my experience where one or

several life challenges have engrained

this fear of change even further into

our already inherent wiring my parents

got divorced when I was in the e8th

grade my life changed overnight I spent

the next 10 years bouncing from parent

to parent all while witnessing extreme

changes in my parents I hated change not

because change is Scary or negative but

because my experience with change was

scary and negative fear of change being

seen or anything of that sort had an

intense grip on my life like maybe it

does to you I ended up tolerating it I

made friends with it I became familiar

with it so I just left it my acceptance

of it prevented me from making any new

friends in University prevented me from

doing a semester abroad in Africa and

prevented me from beginning a

relationship ship with a really amazing

guy basically anything that makes life

worth living I ran from so I put an end

to it and if I was able to escape a

20-year run with hating change fearing

the outside world and living with only

safety in mind then you can too and that

is my guarantee taking me to step number

two identify there's a root cause and

it's not just your prehistoric wiring so

let's figure it out I pulled three very

common reasons as to why we might fear

being seen or fear change and when I say

common I mean very personal these were

the reasons I played it small and

avoided change for several years number

one haters now I put friends and family

in this section because unfortunately

your friends and family can be some of

your worst haters this causes an intense

fear of being seen and intense fear of

change because you're afraid of how they

will react to it this is the Mantra that

helped me get through this that is not a

me problem that is a them problem you

just have to simply not care and I know

it's easier said than done but it goes

back to the abundance mindset I

mentioned in this video if not these

friends then the real friends that you

will meet inevitably once you start

embodying change and start embodying the

real you you will never be out of

friends they are not scarce so don't let

that stop you please do not let the fear

of not having friends stop you from

pursuing change leveling up and becoming

the version that you want to be when you

outline your dream self that is the

version that is in your heart for a

reason you you know there's a version of

you in a different reality this is all

quantum physics that exists that is

living out the reality that you dream of

every single day it's there for a reason

people don't just get these desires just

because the universe is so evil and

wants to just give us things that are

not attainable a version of us is living

this out so if you have this desire it

is a very real thing you can get it you

just have to pursue the things that are

going to take you there and letting go

of certain friends is one of those

things I had a friend group of 20 and I

let them all go because the version of

myself that I was starting to grow into

was very uncomfortable for them see the

people in our environment around us that

see us daily that interact with us all

the time at school at work have a very

different version of you in their head

when they start seeing a change in you

it starts to threaten the version of you

that is in their head that makes them

feel safe and confident about themselves

in their world when it comes to family

it's not as easy as just let them go go

maybe your family is really toxic and

you might need to consider an

alternative plan but nine times out of

10 most families are not textbook toxic

unfortunately the word toxic has become

a mainstream buzzword in the west where

most families are not actually toxic

they might be of a certain ethnic

background like mine where it's a

cultural tendency to be overly critical

overly judgmental lack self-awareness be

overbearing and give unsolicited

opinions I need you to evolve anyway I

learned that if your family really loves

you if this person really loves you

whatever version you present to them it

might first feel uncomfortable to them

but because of their love for you their

genuine love for you and their genuine

intentions for your life they will

adjust and adapt because you are holding

so strongly onto that version you are

presenting that version of yourself to

them with conviction it might take an

adjustment period it might bring out

their own insecurities or it might even

cause some resentment toward you because

you're taking action on your life and

you are doing something about becoming

the best version of yourself but you

continue to say the montra I told you

it's not a me problem it's a them

problem it is not your responsibility to

manage the emotions of your friends and

your family you don't want friends who

make you feel like you have to dim your

presence your light just so they feel

comfortable I once had a friend that

told me I will continue to be friends

with you if you don't make me feel like

you're sidekick anymore that was a her

problem not a me problem it's her issue

that she feels like that in my presence

when you're being your authentic self

when you have that magnetism and you're

working on becoming the best version of

yourself you are automatically going to

get attention it is a byproduct of

working on yourself sometimes friends

cannot handle that it brings out their

own insecurities but remember that is

not a permission slip that they're

giving to you to say tone it down a

little bit dim your light a little bit

I'm feeling a little bit insecure and

I'd just like you to take it down a bit

no you drop that friend really quick

this is another side of it I always

boxed myself into to one version of

myself one personality one set of likes

one set of dislikes because that's what

my friends and family expected of me but

here's the kicker and this is something

that you might experience on your

journey you aren't doing these things

because you're a people pleaser you're

doing it because you get to use that as

the scapegoat as to why you can stay in

your comfort zone just a little bit

longer oh it's my friends and family's

fault that I can't express myself so I

have to be this way because they're

going to judge me they're going to

reject me when you shift blame your ego

becomes satisfied but what do I always

tell you your life is your

responsibility you're not living the

life you want it's nobody else's fault

but yours my suggestion get a bucket

fill it with a bunch of no FS given and

start throwing them out left right and

Center rejection the second reason for

fear and let's start with dating because

we have to really talk you're punching

below your weight for why for what fear

is the Primary Emotion rejection is a

secondary emotion a fear of being seen

is so prevalent in dating and

relationships which can seriously

influence the kind of men that you

attract the relationships that you get

into all because you're afraid of dating

up maybe you think you're not good

enough okay maybe or maybe there's a

bigger chance of getting rejected when

you're going for a guy who you think is

more amazing than you who you are

putting on a pedestal this person might

not even be qualified to be on this

pedestal but because you haven't worked

on your self love you're putting them on

a pedestal so you're playing it small in

dating this messed up mentality will not

serve you it will just give you a shitty

in life you have to allow yourself a

chance to show yourself to be vulnerable

and allow good men into your reality

because remember this mindset from this

video this or better secondly in

rejection rejection of self what if you

change what if you evolve what if you

start living the life of your dreams

what will happen do I deserve this am I

worthy of all this amazingness I feel

like a little bit of an impostor should

this be happening to me like I'm looking

at you right now like should it be

happening to to us who will I turn into

will I be a snob will people think I've

changed okay get over it we can't

predict that as long as you are a good

human right now you will be a good human

when the amazingness the thriving all

the juiciness comes into your life they

say that money isn't inherently evil

it's actually very neutral it's the

person that makes it good or bad if you

at your core are a good person when

money comes into your life it'll just

exacerbate that already good character

within you if you're an it will

magnify that if you're not then you have

nothing to worry about you deserve to be

this version of yourself you deserve to

share your voice to be seen you deserve

all of it don't reject that because of

fear all right this is the Big Daddy

attention you want it but you're scared

of it you're not alone I dress like this

for yours because I didn't want anybody

noticing me staring at me or focusing on

my existence when you're scared of

attention like I was there comes an

inability to hold a conversation so you

might be thinking right now I'm shy I'm

awkward I I just can't talk to to

anybody I'm not personable enough no no

no no no you're just scared of their

attention and their focus on you you

might be like me where you will Rush

conversations because you're afraid of

people noticing your words and actually

paying attention to what you're saying

so you'll rush through really quickly no

one really hears what you're saying

nobody can really tell if you've made a

mistake and you're just like getting

through it at lightning speed because

you don't want anybody noticing you and

actually hearing you so what's the

solution get comfortable with your

appearance and bring value to your mouth

this this is the confidence competence

Loop when you are competent at something

like making a really good cup of tea I

love tea you will do that with

conviction and you will actually offer

up your services of making that cup of

tea cuz you know that you kill that tea

every single time but now if someone

were to ask me viita can you make me a

cup of coffee I wouldn't be feeling very

confident in that because I'm not

competent at it I'm awful at making

coffee I would probably stumble or I

would probably just hide altogether so

building your competence will increase

your confidence you are most likely

afraid of attention and scared of it

because you feel like you don't have

anything valuable to add you might hate

your body like I did so you actively try

to hide it you might feel unintelligent

or that you're not good at anything so

you clam up in conversation you might

feel so insecure about your teeth that

you don't want to talk because you don't

want to draw attention to this area of

your mouth I as well had experience with

this so those are just few of many that

you can be experienc ing those are all

my personal experiences so that's why I

use them as an example but I want you to

sit here and explore some ideas this is

a list of ideas that you can explore as

to why you might be feeling scared of

attention now we know why and what

causes a fear of being seen let's get on

to the part where I help you fix it time

to take action pursue the fear this has

to be a literal contract with yourself

that no matter what you are going to go

toward the fear that you are feeling no

ifs ends or buts no oh maybe tomorrow no

oh I'm feeling a little bit sick today

no no ifs answer but you are pursuing

the fear at all costs embarrass yourself

put yourself in situations that will get

you rejected expose yourself to the fear

so that you start building a tolerance

to it and you start strengthening your

immunity to it when you do this you

build up mental resilience to that thing

it no longer becomes this big scary

thing it becomes a thing that is just a

part of your daily life taking risks I

am her making moves I am her you are

actively practicing discomfort when you

do this when you say no my thoughts are

not controlling me I am not my thoughts

and my thoughts will not prevent me from

living my dream life from pursuing my

dream life I hate to break it to you but

this is not the wild anymore we live in

actual cities we are in the modern world

we don't have tigers to fear we don't

have tribe leaders to fear we are good

the fear that you feel is real but it is

not related to something that's actually

going to threaten your life the fear

that you're feeling is related to the

fact that this direction is going to get

me my dream life and I feel like I can't

handle it that's why we do all the above

steps first we have to get to the root

cause we have to understand why we're

feeling this way and then we can plan of

attack the fear that is how you achieve

your dream life you are in charge this

is your life not the life of this

prehistoric trait that used to serve us

that does not anymore that might be

currently puppeteering your every move

second plan of action change your

routine change your life I know

mind-blowing when I was depressed

watching YouTube for hours on end I was

gathering all this information next day

get back in bed watch more YouTube

videos gather more information day after

day after day until one day I realized

I've got all this information but my

life hasn't changed yet oh wait I have

to actually apply the information I've

got to actually do something different

other than waking up eating and then

laying in bed feeling sorry for myself

Gathering all this information I'm not

going to actually use yes we all have

this lizard brain this inherent wiring

but no one is giving you an update for

your brain wiring there's no software

update the only thing that we can do to

bypass our prehistoric wiring is to

update our Hardware be the software

updater ourselves so that we can process

things more efficiently and more

favorably so the goal isn't to make

drastic changes overnight that make you

feel anxious and like oh my God I can't

keep up with this and make you feel

super uncomfortable the goal is to make

small steps every day that compound that

slowly ease you into this process so you

might be thinking okay now I'm getting

over my fear of being seen and changed

where should I actually start my level

up Journey watch this video next