The Struggle to Relax: Why ADHD Makes it Tough
Summary
TLDRThis script discusses the challenges of relaxation for individuals with ADHD, who often struggle with self-regulation. The speaker shares personal experiences and insights, suggesting that true relaxation for them might involve a break from self-regulation rather than traditional relaxing activities. They advocate for the importance of allowing the brain to wander and engage in activities it naturally desires, which can be more rejuvenating than forcing oneself into conventional rest. The video also promotes a language learning platform, Babel, which the speaker finds engaging and effective for mental breaks.
Takeaways
- π§ The speaker discusses the challenges of relaxing for individuals with ADHD, highlighting the need for a break from self-regulation.
- π The speaker finds English Babble helpful for mental breaks, appreciating its interactive and educational design by language teachers.
- π Babel is described as an effective tool for learning a new language, with a focus on real-world conversations and grammar, which builds confidence.
- π The speaker shares a personal experience of using Dutch during a keynote in the Netherlands, showcasing the playful use of the language learned through Babel.
- π A call to action is made for those interested in learning a new language, with a discount offer for Babel subscriptions through a provided link or QR code.
- π€ The community finds it difficult to relax during traditional relaxing activities due to easily getting bored and the nature of ADHD affecting self-regulation.
- π The speaker explains that relaxation for those with ADHD might involve taking a break from self-regulation rather than focusing on a relaxing activity.
- π³ The importance of allowing the brain to wander and explore without purpose is emphasized, as it provides a form of effortless fascination and mental break.
- π The speaker shares a personal realization about the need for a break from self-regulation and how starting a new project can serve as an unexpected form of relaxation.
- π― The concept of 'letting the brain off leash' is introduced as a form of relaxation, suggesting that it's not about doing something relaxing but allowing the brain to do what it wants.
- π Medication for ADHD can assist with self-regulation, but on days without it, the speaker suggests letting the brain off leash more to compensate for the increased effort required.
- π The speaker encourages the community to consider the difference between needing a fun relaxing activity and needing a break from self-regulation, advocating for a mindful approach to recharging.
Q & A
Why do people with ADHD often struggle with relaxation?
-People with ADHD struggle with relaxation because their brains are easily bored and they have a condition that makes self-regulating attention, emotions, and behavior difficult, which is what they often need a break from.
What does the speaker find helpful for their brain during moments of stress or the need for a mental break?
-The speaker finds English Babble helpful as it is engaging and stimulating, allowing their brain to take a break from something they care about without the pressure of self-regulation.
How is English Babble designed to assist with language learning?
-English Babble is designed by language teachers and is interactive, making it both fun and educational, helping the speaker feel like they are genuinely learning a new language.
What is the speaker's experience with learning Dutch through Babel?
-The speaker finds Dutch challenging due to its differences in grammar and pronunciation but is starting to feel more confident and even having fun with it through Babel's real-world conversation focus.
How did the speaker use their newly learned Dutch during a keynote in the Netherlands?
-The speaker was able to be playful with the language during the keynote, showcasing their beginner level Dutch and feeling comfortable speaking it when the opportunity arose.
What does the speaker recommend for those who want to learn a new language?
-The speaker highly recommends Babel, suggesting that interested individuals click the link in the description or scan the QR code for a 60% discount on their subscription.
Why do traditional relaxation activities often fail for people with ADHD?
-Traditional relaxation activities fail for people with ADHD because they require self-regulation, which is what they are often seeking a break from, and because they can get bored easily.
What does the speaker mean by 'taking a break from self-regulation'?
-Taking a break from self-regulation means allowing one's brain to engage in activities without the need to control or manage focus, emotions, or behavior, essentially letting the brain do what it wants.
How does the speaker describe the experience of needing a break from self-regulation?
-The speaker describes it as a moment when their brain demands a break from the constant effort of self-regulation, leading them to start a new project or engage in an activity that feels more like a break than work.
What is the importance of recharging the ability to self-regulate according to the speaker?
-Recharging the ability to self-regulate is crucial because if not done, the brain may start to rebel or become reactive, and it's not realistic to expect perfect management of attention, behavior, and emotions all the time.
How does the speaker suggest giving oneself a break from self-regulation?
-The speaker suggests being mindful and allowing oneself to not do something the brain doesn't want to do at the moment, like sitting in a certain way during a meeting or engaging in an activity that feels more natural and less forced.
What does the speaker suggest as an alternative way to relax for people with ADHD?
-The speaker suggests letting the brain off leash, engaging in activities that come naturally and feel less like work, even if they seem unproductive, as a way to recharge and relax.
How does the speaker's experience with medication affect their approach to self-regulation?
-The speaker's medication makes self-regulation easier, so on days without medication, they allow their brain to be off leash more, recognizing the extra effort required to self-regulate without it.
What does the speaker propose as a new vocabulary for the ADHD community regarding relaxation?
-The speaker proposes distinguishing between wanting to do a fun relaxing activity and needing a break from self-regulation, as they are two different things that may be misunderstood in the community.
How does the speaker conclude the video regarding relaxation and self-regulation for people with ADHD?
-The speaker concludes by encouraging the ADHD community to consider what actually feels recharging and better for them, whether it's traditional relaxation or taking a break from self-regulation, and to subscribe for more content.
Outlines
π§ ADHD and the Struggle with Relaxation
The speaker discusses the challenges individuals with ADHD face when trying to relax, such as getting easily bored and the constant need for mental stimulation. They introduce 'English Babble,' a tool designed by language teachers that provides an engaging and interactive way to take a mental break while learning a new language. The speaker shares their personal experience with learning Dutch through Babel, highlighting the platform's effectiveness in teaching grammar and pronunciation. They also mention their ability to use the newly acquired language skills during a keynote speech in the Netherlands, emphasizing the importance of real-world conversations in language learning. The speaker encourages viewers to try Babel for language learning and offers a discount for subscriptions.
π Redefining Relaxation for ADHD Brains
The script delves into the concept of relaxation for individuals with ADHD, explaining that traditional relaxing activities can be difficult due to the nature of ADHD which makes self-regulation a constant effort. The speaker suggests that what is often needed is a break from self-regulation rather than a traditional relaxation activity. They share personal anecdotes about how they've learned to give their brain a break by letting it wander or engage in activities that come naturally without forcing relaxation. The speaker also discusses the importance of reframing the idea of relaxation for those with ADHD, allowing the brain to do what it wants without the pressure of productivity. They advocate for a community vocabulary that distinguishes between wanting to do a fun relaxing activity and needing a break from self-regulation.
π Embracing Unstructured Downtime for ADHD Relief
In the final paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of embracing unstructured downtime as a form of self-care for individuals with ADHD. They suggest that taking breaks from self-regulation can be as simple as sitting in a certain way without worrying about appearing professional or engaging in deep, philosophical thoughts that the brain is naturally inclined towards. The speaker highlights the need to recharge the ability to self-regulate and prevent the brain from rebelling due to exhaustion. They also touch on the role of medication in facilitating self-regulation and how, in its absence, it's even more crucial to allow the brain to take breaks. The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to subscribe and engage with the content, and a thank you note to Babel for sponsoring the video, along with an offer for a discount on their subscription service.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘ADHD
π‘Self-regulation
π‘Babble
π‘Dutch
π‘Relaxation
π‘Dopamine
π‘Burnout
π‘Unmasking
π‘Medication
π‘Recharge
π‘Community
Highlights
The speaker discusses the challenge of relaxing for individuals with ADHD, suggesting that the brain may need a break from self-regulation.
English Babble is recommended as a tool for mental breaks, engaging and stimulating the brain without the need for self-regulation.
Babel's interactive design by language teachers makes learning a new language both fun and educational.
The speaker shares personal experiences of learning Dutch through Babel, noting the difficulty of pronunciation and the gradual increase in confidence.
Babel's focus on real-world conversations helps beginners feel comfortable speaking the language in practical situations.
The speaker playfully used their newly learned Dutch during a keynote in the Netherlands, demonstrating the effectiveness of Babel's approach.
A promotional offer for Babel is presented, with a 60% discount for new subscribers through a provided link or QR code.
People with ADHD often struggle with traditional relaxation activities due to their propensity to get bored easily.
The need for self-regulation in relaxation activities is identified as a barrier for individuals with ADHD.
The concept of taking a break from self-regulation is introduced as a form of relaxation for those with ADHD.
The speaker explains how engaging in activities that require less self-regulation can be more relaxing for the ADHD brain.
Starting a new project as a form of relaxation is discussed, emphasizing the importance of letting the brain follow its interests.
The idea that relaxation for people with ADHD might look different from others is explored, focusing on the need to let the brain 'off-leash'.
The speaker shares personal strategies for giving the brain a break from self-regulation, such as sitting in a preferred posture during meetings.
The importance of recharging the ability to self-regulate is highlighted, with the acknowledgment that the brain will seek a break if not provided.
The role of medication in facilitating self-regulation for individuals with ADHD is briefly discussed, and how it impacts the need for breaks.
The speaker calls for a new vocabulary within the ADHD community to distinguish between fun relaxation activities and the need for self-regulation breaks.
The video concludes with an invitation for viewers to share their personal experiences with relaxation and self-regulation breaks.
A final thank you is given to sponsors and supporters of the channel, emphasizing the importance of community in discussing ADHD-related topics.
Transcripts
hello brains have you ever felt like
you're really bad at relaxing yeah
that's an ADHD thing
sometimes what my brain needs is a break
from self-reg sometimes it just needs a
break from a specific stressor like
English Babble is great for that
because it's engaging and stimulating
it's a way for me to get a mental break
from something that I really care about
but I can't stop spinning on and get my
brain spinning on something else for a
minute so that I can come back fresh
what's great about Babel is it's really
interactive but it's also designed by
actual language teachers so it's not
just fun I really feel like I'm learning
this language
I appreciate that all of these right now
are about me saying I don't understand
what did you say I don't understand it
Babel is teaching me the grammar and
pronunciation of Dutch which is very
different from what I'm used to oh wait
no that's a restaurant restaurant oh my
gosh that's really hard to say okay I'm
starting to feel more confident with it
and even having a bit of fun and cook
guess what that means
pancakes I'm still just a beginner but
because Babel focuses on real world
conversations I already feel comfortable
speaking it when the opportunity comes
up at the keynote I gave recently for an
organization in the Netherlands I was
even able to be playful with it I'm
excited to keep going with it and see
how much more I can learn if you'd like
to learn a new language I highly
recommend Babel just click the link in
the description below or scan this QR
code for 60 off your subscription other
side and let me know in the comments
below what kind of language you want to
learn and why
a lot of people in this community
including me find that they have a
really hard time relaxing doing relaxing
activities specifically like going to
the beach and just hanging out in a
hammock and relaxing or doing a puzzle
or anything that's like deliberate
relaxation activities are very difficult
for people in this community as a
general rule and there's a couple
reasons for that one we get bored really
easily you know laying in a hammock and
chilling and watching the sunset or
whatever that gets boring so fast and
our brains do not like to be bored it
can actually be more painful than
relaxing which is a lot of the time why
I think I will start a project if left
to my own devices but I realized
recently that there's another reason why
we have a hard time relaxing focusing on
a relaxing activity still requires
self-regulation and that is usually what
we need a break from because we have a
condition that makes regulating our
Attention our emotions our behave
Behavior our sleep really difficult
a lot of the time what relaxation looks
like I have learned is taking a break
from self-reg we have to put in so much
extra effort to get ourselves to focused
on the thing that we need to do and to
to do the thing and say the thing right
and mask our ADHD in certain situations
and all of these things engage in so
much self-regulation like active manual
self-regulation on a regular basis that
taking a break from that is often what
we need most I have long talked about
how it's really important to let our
brains and bodies wander wander down a
wikihole or like go on a walk and just
explore get some green time in just have
that kind of effortless Fascination
where your brain's just kind of bouncing
around and stuff the problem is that
takes energy and as I recently learned
if you haven't seen that video check it
out
um when really hyper focusing for an
extended period of time like I had
energy for absolutely nothing else I
definitely didn't have the energy to go
for a walk but I still needed a break
and so I didn't know what to do until
one day my brain was like
I can't self-regulate like this I need I
need a break from self-regulation and I
was like oh that's what relaxing looks
like for us honestly just in general
like taking a break from relaxing I
learned this because there is one day
where I just really really needed a
break and instead of taking a break or
doing anything that anybody else would
think was relaxing I started I started a
new project I didn't understand it
either because I'm like if I had decided
to do this project today if I decided to
focus on this project then that would
have been work but because I didn't
decide to my brain decided to I just let
it do what it wanted and it wanted to do
a project that day and so that's that's
something that I've learned like
relaxing for us might look different
than it does for most people because our
energy is put into something different
than for most people we put so much more
energy than most people do into
regulating our Behavior our emotions our
attention everything about ourselves we
put so much energy into regulating that
all the time that we often just need a a
break from that and so I I see a lot of
times people saying like oh yeah like
it's the dopamine right like I'm
scrolling through Twitter for the
dopamine I'm doing this for the dopamine
I'm chasing the dopamine I think it's
sometimes that we just need to let our
brains off leash a little bit we need a
break from trying to focus on the thing
we're supposed to be focusing on and
just let our brains do what it wants are
there times that we are you know chasing
cheap sources of dopamine because we're
bored sure but sometimes we're just
exhausted and so I think it's good to
reframe that a little bit and know that
if we are doing something that doesn't
seem productive
it's because we're letting our brains
off leash we don't have to be doing a
relaxing activity
in order to relax we just need to loosen
the reins a little bit sometimes yeah
it's great to I don't know have the
house to yourself and do whatever you
want and scream at the top of your lungs
and like bounce jump on the bed I don't
know be able to literally do whatever
you want because there's nobody else
around but even if there's other people
around I think it's important to like
not be like I'm just not self-regulating
everybody can just deal I did have to do
that at one point uh in writing the book
and I was very careful to like let
people know hey I'm gonna be a lot right
now I can't I need a break from self rig
I need to I need to not self-regular
right now I might be a lot I might be
loud I might be silly I might be I don't
know I'm gonna be a lot I'm going to
continue to be a lot but you don't have
to be here for it like and if you know
if I'm bothering you let me know if you
need to to leave and go do your own
thing like that's totally fine I just
can't like I was at that point where I
was completely burnt out but what I
realized coming back to work and just in
my normal day-to-day life applying this
new understanding
there's a lot of ways that we can take a
break from self-reg there's a lot of
ways we can do that even partially so
I've been a little bit more mindful of
like hey I'm starting to get tired I'm
going to take a break from self rank in
this one aspect I'm in a meeting with
somebody who it's okay if I sit weird on
my chair so I'm just not gonna care
about that like I'm gonna sit on my
chair however I want to sit and I'm not
going to monitor that behavior I'm not
going to like try and sit in a
professional way I'm just gonna I'm
gonna take that little bit of my brain
off leash I'm gonna unmask that part of
my ADHD taking a break from self-reg
does not mean deliberately doing
something relaxing it means letting your
brain do what it wants to do even if
that's the exact same thing it would
have been doing otherwise I think that's
the key like that's why it's so
confusing that's why I thought I was so
bad at relaxing for so long is like yeah
I got bored and I immediately started
doing something else that was definitely
not a relaxing activity well because
when my brain's off leash it doesn't
want to do a relaxing activity because
it's boring the point is like not
forcing to do something that it is not
in the mood to do that's what taking a
break from self rig looks like so if I
want to sit
you know right now I'm like I want to
sit cross-legged cool that's what I'm
doing we can at least in little ways
start to give ourselves a break from the
self-regulation that we have to do a day
in and day out and here's the thing if
we don't give ourselves that break
I feel like we're gonna take it anyway
you know if I don't let my brain off
leash now and that if I don't recharge
that you know that ability to
self-regulate at some point my brain
starts to Rebel or I can't keep it
anymore and I'm gonna be reactive to
something or whatever
um it's really important for us to take
that time to recharge because if we
don't like our brains are going to take
it anyway it is not realistic for us to
be able to to perfectly manage our
attention and behavior and
um and emotions and everything 24 7 it's
just not we need a break like mindfully
give yourself a break and be like I'm
not gonna ask my brain to do something
it doesn't want to do right now I'm
going to let it do what it wants because
I know that I'm gonna need to to be able
to focus later I know that I'm gonna
need to
um to to be on tomorrow and so like
today I'm gonna give myself a break
that's I think what meds do too is like
it it makes it easier
to self-regulate like that's what my
meds do for me and so
um on days when I don't have my meds
when I can't take my meds when I'm out
of meds whatever I let myself I let my
brain off leash a little bit more
because it is more effort for me to
self-regulate on those days but I just
wanted to put it out there like I think
it would be really cool to have that
vocabulary in our community like do you
want to do a fun relaxing activity or do
you need a break from self rig because I
think those are two different things and
I think by trying to relax correctly we
are unintentionally not giving ourselves
the break that we need at least speaking
for myself and I do see it a lot in in
the community too so I hope this was
helpful thank you to my brain Advocates
and all my patreon brains for helping me
support this channel so that I can talk
about what I want to talk about and do
videos that I think are going to be
helpful for the community I think this
is going to be something that's really
important for a community to like think
about and be aware of I'm curious what
you do like that you actually find
relaxing like if you give yourself a
break from self-regulating what does
your brain naturally want to do because
I think it'll be different from person
to person in the community but for me it
often is starting a project doing
something creative or uh I don't know
like thinking deep philosophical
thoughts that's what my brain wants to
do a lot of the time so
um it seems like work but if it's not
scheduled if it's not something that I'm
trying to focus on it doesn't feel like
work it feels like a break so I think
maybe that's the the takeaway is like
take a take a break from self right now
and then like see if that's relaxing and
and notice how that feels compared to
trying to do something relaxing and like
which actually feels recharging what
actually feels better to you like
subscribe click all the things and I
will see you next video bye brains thank
you again to Babel for sponsoring this
video click the link in the description
or scan the QR to get 60 off your
subscription
[Music]
thank you
[Music]
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