How to Build Self-Esteem – The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

Summary

The video script explores six pillars of self-esteem as outlined by Nathaniel Branden. It contrasts two lifestyles, emphasizing the importance of living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity. The speaker advocates for improving what can be changed and accepting what cannot, while also maintaining authenticity and a strong sense of purpose to build and maintain self-esteem.

Takeaways

• 😴 The first man in the script represents a life of routine and unconsciousness, which contrasts with the second man who lives consciously and purposefully, suggesting that self-awareness is key to higher self-esteem.
• 🙏 The second man expresses gratitude and actively engages in life, indicating that showing appreciation and being present can enhance self-esteem.
• 💇‍♂️ Accepting what you cannot change, like hair thinning, and focusing on self-improvement where possible is a fundamental practice for building self-esteem.
• 🔄 Self-acceptance and self-improvement are not contradictory; rather, acceptance is a precursor to meaningful improvement.
• 🚫 Avoid playing the victim and instead take responsibility for your health and actions, as this is crucial for self-esteem.
• 💪 Physical fitness and health are important aspects of self-responsibility and should not be dismissed with false claims of medical conditions.
• 👥 Authenticity under social pressure is a sign of self-assertiveness, which is a pillar of self-esteem.
• 🚫 Being assertive does not mean being socially unaware or pushy; it's about staying true to oneself in different contexts.
• 🛑 Having a strong sense of purpose, like an entrepreneur, can significantly boost self-esteem due to the drive and passion involved.
• 🏰 Living purposefully, with a clear direction and goals, is a practice that fosters a strong self-esteem.
• 🤔 Personal integrity, aligning actions with personal beliefs, is essential for self-esteem and should not be compromised for external rules or expectations.
• 🔊 The inner voice's perception of one's worth is critical for self-esteem, and it should be nurtured through consistent practice of the six pillars.

Q & A

What is the first man's routine like in the script?

The first man's routine is described as a blur, indicating a lack of consciousness and engagement in his daily activities. He goes to work without being aware of what he does and comes home to eat junk food while watching TV, ignoring his wife's attempts to communicate.

How does the second man's day differ from the first man's?

The second man starts his day by expressing gratitude to his wife, works passionately on his business, and spends quality time with his wife during dinner, being present and engaged with each other.

Which of the two men is more likely to have higher self-esteem according to the script?

The script suggests that the second man, who lives consciously, works passionately, and engages with his wife, is more likely to have higher self-esteem.

What is the first pillar of self-esteem mentioned in the script?

The first pillar of self-esteem mentioned is the practice of living consciously, which involves being aware and engaged in one's daily activities.

What is the speaker's approach to dealing with thinning hair?

The speaker chooses to improve what can be changed, such as researching the right haircut for his situation, and to accept what cannot be changed, rather than comparing himself to others or feeling inferior.

Why is self-acceptance important for self-improvement?

Self-acceptance is important because it allows individuals to acknowledge their current state and take steps to improve, without being hindered by negative self-comparison or feelings of inadequacy.

What is the third pillar of self-esteem discussed in the script?

The third pillar is the practice of self-responsibility, which involves taking charge of one's health, relationships, and actions, rather than blaming external factors or playing the victim.

How does the speaker view the common excuse of medical conditions for being unhealthy?

The speaker is critical of this excuse, stating that most people using it are not genuinely affected by medical conditions but are avoiding taking responsibility for their lack of exercise and unhealthy eating habits.

What is the fourth pillar of self-esteem mentioned in the script?

The fourth pillar is the practice of self-assertiveness, which is about standing up for one's beliefs and values without being pushy or lacking social awareness.

How does the speaker describe the entrepreneur's approach to life?

The speaker describes the entrepreneur as a modern-day warrior with a strong sense of purpose and a drive to conquer challenges, which contributes to higher self-esteem.

What is the sixth pillar of self-esteem and why is it important?

The sixth pillar is the practice of personal integrity, which is crucial because it involves aligning one's actions with their beliefs. Acting against one's values can lead to a negative inner voice that undermines self-esteem.

How does the speaker emphasize the importance of practicing these pillars for building self-esteem?

The speaker emphasizes that self-esteem is not built through passive learning but through constant practice of these pillars in one's life.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 The Conscious Life and Self-Esteem

The first paragraph contrasts two lifestyles: one where a man goes through life without being fully conscious of his actions, and another where a man is grateful, passionate about his work, and present with his wife. The speaker suggests that the latter has higher self-esteem due to living consciously. The paragraph introduces the concept of self-improvement and acceptance, using the speaker's own experience with hair thinning as an example. It emphasizes that self-improvement is not in conflict with self-acceptance but rather follows it. The speaker also addresses the misconception that self-acceptance is the opposite of self-improvement, illustrating how self-acceptance can lead to positive changes.

05:06

🏋️‍♂️ Self-Acceptance, Responsibility, and Authenticity

The second paragraph delves into the importance of self-acceptance, self-responsibility, and self-assertiveness as pillars of self-esteem. The speaker criticizes those who use medical conditions as an excuse for their lack of physical fitness, arguing that personal responsibility is key to self-esteem. The paragraph also highlights the value of staying true to oneself, even in social situations, as a means of building respect and attraction from others. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about maintaining authenticity in college and the importance of having a strong sense of purpose, like an entrepreneur, to foster self-esteem.

Keywords

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem refers to the overall subjective evaluation of one's own worth. In the video's context, it is the central theme, with the speaker discussing six pillars that contribute to building and maintaining high self-esteem. The script uses the example of two contrasting men to illustrate the difference in self-esteem levels.

💡Conscious living

Conscious living is the practice of being fully aware and present in one's daily activities and decisions. It is the first pillar of self-esteem mentioned in the script. The first man in the script exemplifies a lack of conscious living, as he goes through his day without being fully engaged in his actions.

💡Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the acknowledgment and embrace of oneself, including one's strengths and weaknesses. It is the second pillar discussed in the video. The speaker uses the example of his thinning hair to illustrate how self-acceptance can lead to self-improvement without the need for comparison.

💡Self-improvement

Self-improvement involves making efforts to enhance personal growth and development. The script clarifies that self-improvement is a natural consequence of self-acceptance, as accepting one's current state allows for targeted improvements, such as the speaker's research into a suitable haircut for his thinning hair.

💡Self-responsibility

Self-responsibility is the recognition that one is accountable for one's actions, health, and well-being. The third pillar, it is highlighted in the script through the critique of people who blame their health issues on medical conditions rather than taking responsibility for their lifestyle choices.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. The speaker emphasizes the importance of staying authentic under pressure as the fourth pillar of self-esteem. His personal example of not drinking at parties to maintain his beliefs illustrates this concept.

💡Self-assertiveness

Self-assertiveness is the ability to stand up for oneself and express one's beliefs, needs, and feelings in a way that respects the rights of others. The script describes it as the fourth pillar and contrasts it with being pushy or lacking social awareness, using the speaker's college experiences as an example.

💡Living purposefully

Living purposefully means engaging in life with a clear sense of direction and significance. As the fifth pillar, it is exemplified in the script by the comparison between an entrepreneur with a strong sense of purpose and a person indifferent to their job, highlighting how purpose contributes to self-esteem.

💡Personal integrity

Personal integrity is the adherence to one's moral and ethical principles, even when no one is watching. The script presents it as the sixth pillar and discusses how acting against one's own beliefs can undermine self-esteem, using the speaker's experience at a military academy as an example.

💡Victim mentality

Victim mentality is a mindset where an individual blames external factors for their problems and lacks personal accountability. The script criticizes this mentality, particularly in the context of health and self-responsibility, stating that it is incompatible with high self-esteem.

💡Practice

In the context of the video, practice refers to the continuous and deliberate effort to incorporate the six pillars into one's life. The script emphasizes that self-esteem is not a one-time achievement but a lifelong practice, as indicated by the phrase 'the practice of' preceding each pillar.

Highlights

The first man lives a routine life without consciousness, while the second man is passionate and present, suggesting higher self-esteem comes from living consciously.

Self-esteem is built on six pillars, each starting with 'the practice of,' emphasizing the need for continuous effort.

The first pillar is living consciously, which involves being aware of daily actions and interactions.

The second man's self-esteem is higher due to his gratitude and active engagement in life, contrasting with the first man's passive routine.

The second pillar is self-acceptance, which means improving what can be changed and accepting what cannot.

Self-acceptance does not contradict self-improvement; rather, it precedes it, allowing for personal growth.

The third pillar is self-responsibility, which involves taking ownership of one's health and well-being.

Playing the victim undermines self-esteem, as true self-esteem comes from taking responsibility for one's life.

The fourth pillar is self-assertiveness, which is about standing up for one's beliefs without being pushy.

Assertiveness is about authenticity and not compromising one's values, even in social situations.

The fifth pillar is living purposefully, which is linked to higher self-esteem as it gives life direction and meaning.

Entrepreneurs often have higher self-esteem because they live with a strong sense of purpose.

The sixth and final pillar is personal integrity, which is crucial for maintaining a positive self-image.

Integrity is about aligning actions with personal beliefs, and violating it can harm self-esteem.

Self-esteem cannot be built by external validation; it comes from an internal sense of self-worth.

The speaker emphasizes that self-esteem is a lifelong practice, not a one-time achievement.

Each pillar of self-esteem is interconnected, contributing to a holistic approach to personal development.

Transcripts

I want you to imagine two people.

The first man wakes up and does his usual routine before work, and it’s all a blur.

He goes to work and when he comes home, he isn’t even really conscious of what he did.

He starts eating the junk food he bought on his way home and watches TV while his wife

tries to talk to him.

Now imagine another man.

He wakes up and tells his wife how thankful he is for their life.

He drives over to his business and is passionately working to build it into something great.

He comes home, and he and his wife have dinner together while they stay present to the moment

with each other.

Out of these two people, which one do you think is going to have higher self-esteem?

The first pillar is the practice of living consciously.

Lately, my hair has been thinning.

What I haven’t done is this: “Uh, how come John’s hair isn’t thinning?

How come John has better genetics?

Oh and did I mention that John is also 6 foot 4?”

Okay, the reason I haven’t done that is because, that’s a game you can’t win.

I promise you.

I don’t care who you are, even John can’t win that game.

What I have done is what anyone who’s practiced building self-esteem in their life would do,

and it is this: improve what you can change, and learn to accept what you can’t.

Improve what you can change, and learn to accept what you can’t.

Now let me address a common issue.

There are people who think that self-acceptance somehow goes against self-improvement.

It doesn’t.

In fact, self-improvement can only follow self-acceptance.

If I didn’t accept that my hair was thinning, I wouldn’t start researching what the right

haircut needs to look like for me, and I would end up looking like Bobby Charlton.

The second pillar is the practice of self-acceptance.

I know a lot of people who are so physically unfit that it jeopardizes the most important

things in their life like their health and their relationships.

And when they get confronted about it, a lot of these people have learned a little trick

that has been really trending lately.

Apparently, everyone I know who is unhealthy is unhealthy because of a medical condition.

Now, let me just be clear that I’m not saying that these conditions don’t exist.

I’m just saying that 19 out of 20 of these people don’t have it.

If you do not exercise, if you do not eat healthy, you probably shouldn’t be going

around telling people how you’re overweight and unhealthy because of a medical condition.

Yeah, they might treat you like you’re the victim, but guess what?

The only reason they sympathize with you is because the last thing they care about is

whether you’re taking care of yourself or not.

The third pillar is the practice of self-responsibility.

I don’t know of a single person who doesn’t take responsibility, loves playing the victim

and also has high self-esteem.

If I had a kid and I could only teach him one thing before he went to college, it would

be how to stay authentic to his true self under pressure.

Other than special occasions with my girlfriend where I’ll have some champagne, I don’t

drink.

I haven’t found that to be something of value to my life.

When I was in college, I would go out with my friends and there was always that thing

of, “Come on!

Let’s get drunk.”

And I was bad at a lot of things, but the one thing I was really good at was being really

grounded in what I believed in.

In fact, in almost every case it turned into guys having respect for it and girls being

attracted to it.

Now again, I didn’t say I sort of believed in it.

It was fully standing for what I believed in, 100% unapologetic, and if that was a problem,

everyone always knew I could just leave and go have fun somewhere else.

I wasn’t half-assing anything.

The fourth pillar is the practice of self-assertiveness.

Now let me make it clear that asserting yourself doesn’t mean lacking social awareness or

being pushy.

I didn’t go to a party where I knew people would be drinking and start converting and

preaching.

Don’t be stupid with this, it depends on the context.

I’m going to act a little differently if I’m in a classroom environment than if I’m

around friends, but I’m not going to go against my authentic self in either situation.

If you meet an entrepreneur who is passionate about his business, and if you also meet a

person who is indifferent towards his regular job, the entrepreneur will almost always have

higher self-esteem.

Why is that?

Because the entrepreneur is the modern day warrior.

Just like the warrior has a strong sense of purpose and lives to conquer, so does the

entrepreneur.

He has higher self-esteem because he lives with a purpose.

The fifth pillar is the practice of living purposefully.

And finally, the sixth pillar – the practice of personal integrity.

Notice how I said personal integrity, not someone else’s integrity.

I went to a military academy and there were thousands of rules I had to follow, and I

broke most of them and it didn’t bother me at all or affect my self-esteem in any

way, because those weren’t the things that went against what I believed in.

But, if I act against what I believe in, my inner voice will tell me how I’m worthless

over and over again.

And only I will know, but when it comes to self-esteem, my inner voice is the one that

matters the most.

You can’t have the voice in your head telling you how worthless you are and build self-esteem

at the same time.

And these are the six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden.

Notice how each pillar starts with “the practice of.”

Self-esteem is not something you build by reading a book or watching a video; it is

something you build by constant practice for the rest of your life.