navigating the world of men, sex, and love (as a sensitive girly)
Summary
TLDRIn this intimate video, the speaker explores her evolving relationship with men, sex, and love, emphasizing the importance of self-pleasure and radical honesty in fostering authentic connections. She discusses overcoming fear and anxiety around men by setting clear boundaries and valuing emotional and spiritual intimacy over physical attraction. The video also highlights the empowering impact of strong female friendships and the necessity of self-discovery and self-love in navigating romantic relationships.
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Q & A
What is the main theme of the video script?
-The main theme of the video script is the exploration of the speaker's relationship with men, sex, and love, as well as her journey towards understanding and embracing her sexuality in a healthy and empowered way.
What is the purpose of the Bessa giveaway mentioned in the script?
-The Bessa giveaway is a promotional event where participants can win a free vibrator or gift card. It is part of the company's mission to empower everyone to embrace, explore, and celebrate their sexuality.
What are the two products featured from Bessa in the script?
-The two products featured are the Pebble, a compact and rechargeable vibrator, and the Air Vibe, which offers both G-spot and clitoral stimulation.
What is the speaker's view on the naturalness of sexual desires and energy?
-The speaker believes that sexual desires and energy are natural aspects of human beings, and that it's how we relate to this energy that can make it good or bad, toxic or healthy.
How does the speaker describe her past relationship with her body and sexuality?
-The speaker describes having a good relationship with her body and excitement about love and chemistry from a young age. However, she also discusses feeling taken advantage of and losing touch with her body when sharing it with others.
What does the speaker suggest as a way to cultivate a healthy relationship with one's sexuality?
-The speaker suggests cultivating a healthy relationship with one's sexuality by listening to the body's desires and feelings, advocating for one's own experiences, and moving with sexual energy with intention.
What is the speaker's perspective on the importance of self-pleasure practice?
-The speaker views self-pleasure practice as a way to connect deeper with oneself and as a means to explore and understand one's own body and desires.
How does the speaker define 'obligational sex' in the context of her experiences?
-The speaker defines 'obligational sex' as sexual encounters that were not driven by genuine desire or connection but rather by a fear of causing discomfort or displeasure to the other person, often leading to feelings of regret or heartbreak.
What does the speaker suggest as indicators for evaluating potential male friends or partners?
-The speaker suggests evaluating how men treat women who are not conventionally attractive, how they speak about their exes or their mother, their relationship with the earth, and their response to boundaries as indicators of their respect and compatibility.
How does the speaker describe the importance of female friendships in her life?
-The speaker describes female friendships as the center of her life, providing unconditional love, comfort, and a sense of belonging. These relationships have taught her about consent, respect, and what it means to be loved and feel safe in her body.
What advice does the speaker give for maintaining boundaries when wanting to have guy friends without romantic or sexual intentions?
-The speaker advises having clear conversations about boundaries and intentions, being mindful of how one presents oneself to avoid sending mixed signals, and being prepared to end the friendship if the other person attempts to make a romantic or sexual advance.
Outlines
🌟 Embracing Sexual Energy with Intention
The speaker discusses her evolving relationship with sex, love, and intimacy, emphasizing the importance of self-pleasure and understanding one's own sexual energy. She introduces a giveaway from Bessa, a female-focused sexuality company, and shares her journey of moving past using sex for validation to a healthier, more intentional approach. The paragraph explores the idea that sexual energy is natural and should be cultivated positively, without shame or distortion.
🌱 Advocating for Authentic Sexual Experiences
The speaker reflects on her past experiences with sex and how societal pressures and personal insecurities influenced her views on intimacy. She talks about the importance of being authentic in the bedroom and advocating for one's desires and boundaries. The paragraph highlights the empowerment that comes from being comfortable with one's body and sexual needs, and the transformative effect this has on other areas of life.
🔮 Navigating Celibacy and Intimacy Beyond Sex
The speaker shares her current phase of celibacy and her realization that there are many forms of intimacy more fulfilling than sex. She discusses the value of deep connection, honesty, and shared experiences over physical intimacy. The paragraph delves into her personal journey of learning to be comfortable with men, setting boundaries, and discerning healthy relationships.
👭 Prioritizing Female Friendships for Emotional Fulfillment
The speaker emphasizes the importance of strong female friendships in her life, describing them as sources of unconditional love, comfort, and personal growth. She contrasts these relationships with her experiences with men, noting the anxiety and fear she often feels. The paragraph explores the idea of using female friendships as a benchmark for the quality of relationships with men and the power of women's support in decision-making.
💞 Cultivating Unconditional Love and Authenticity
In the final paragraph, the speaker expresses her contentment with her current state of life, focusing on the value of unconditional love and authenticity in her relationships. She discusses the freedom she feels in being single and the insights gained about what she truly desires in intimacy. The paragraph concludes with a reflection on the harmony found in a life filled with diverse forms of love and the empowerment that comes from a deep understanding of oneself.
Mindmap
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Keywords
💡Sexual Energy
💡Intimacy
💡Self-Pleasure
💡Radical Honesty
💡Celibacy
💡Fear of Men
💡Respect
💡Boundaries
💡Empowerment
💡Female Friendships
💡Unconditional Love
Highlights
The speaker discusses moving with sexual energy and intention, emphasizing the importance of a healthy relationship with one's sexuality.
A personal journey of deepening into self-acceptance and understanding of one's own sexual desires and nature is shared.
The video introduces a giveaway by Bessa, a company focused on female sexuality, offering free vibrators or gift cards.
The speaker's experience with self-pleasure as a means of deeper self-connection is highlighted.
The importance of advocating for one's own sexual experience and the impact of doing so on personal empowerment is discussed.
A shift from using sex for validation to a genuine listening to one's body and desires is described.
The concept of sexual energy as a natural part of human experience, not inherently right or wrong, is explored.
The speaker's past experiences with obligational sex and the emotional toll it took are shared.
A discussion on the importance of comfort and authenticity in sexual relationships is presented.
The challenges of being radically honest in relationships and its impact on intimacy is examined.
The speaker's current phase of celibacy and the exploration of different forms of intimacy is described.
A reflection on the fear and anxiety associated with men and how it affects interactions is shared.
The process of discerning healthy relationships with men and setting boundaries is discussed.
The value of female friendships as a source of unconditional love and support is highlighted.
The speaker's realization of the importance of being oneself in all spaces and relationships is shared.
A call to invest in female friendships and their role in personal growth and decision-making is made.
The empowerment that comes from understanding and prioritizing what intimacy means to the individual is discussed.
The final thoughts on the importance of love, authenticity, and the freedom to be oneself in relationships conclude the video.
Transcripts
[Music]
how do I move with this Sexual Energy
with intention I still have a fear of
men you feel the Abundant nature of love
in every single day in every single
moment there are so many forms of
intimacy that mean more to me and that
please and pleasure me more than just
having sex hello my fellow students of
love I have made so many videos about
relating sex sexuality and I just
thought it would be really fun to do a
little Deep dive on my relationship to
men sex and love right now in this phase
of my life where I feel like I'm
deepening into the woman that I want to
be in the world this channel is such an
amalgamation of all the things I wish I
could share with my younger self so
thanks for tuning in I genuinely am
wondering how the gires are coping with
this world of men like I'm wondering if
everyone else freaks out as much as I do
has as much anxiety as I do still
struggles to not have obligational
interactions and that's what I really
wanted to dive into but before I get too
far into today's video I just wanted to
let you know that my friends and I at
Bessa are hosting a giveaway where
everyone gets either a free vibrator or
gift card everyone who enters wins
something so it'll be the first link in
my description box below and I just feel
like self-pleasure practice is something
that I really like to do to connect even
deeper with myself and it's just another
one of those doorways for me but I just
wanted to share a little bit about my
favorite toys from them Bessa is a
bywoman company for all things sexuality
including sex ed erotica and sex toys
and they're on a mission to empower
everyone to embrace explore and
celebrate their sexuality so this is the
pebble their packaging is so cute and
Compact and also rechargeable so there's
no batteries you just get to charge it
with a USB in their case and the pebble
is so tiny it's basically a little [ __ ]
sucker you can just have orgasm after
orgasm with this thing and there aren't
any annoying patterns but just different
levels of intensity this is made from
premium grade silicone and is waterproof
and then this is the air Vibe which is
also super Compact and this is my
favorite because it has both G-spot and
cliteral stimulation but you can choose
to just use one depending on what your
mood is but I think toys are a great way
to open up new pleasure Pathways but if
you're curious about them and furthering
your exploration in this way click the
link in my description box but from a
very young age I was always so excited
to be in my body I was so excited about
love and that magic energy of chemistry
that just naturally happens with people
had a really good relationship to my
body until I started to share it with
other people started to feel taken
advantage of stopped feeling like I knew
how to tune into my body when I was
sharing it with others want to share my
like Baseline preliminary beliefs about
sex is that our sexual desires and our
sexual nature is this natural thing
within us just as natural as our
feelings that EB and flow it is about
how we relate to our Sexual Energy that
can make it good or bad toxic or healthy
and I understand everyone has their
beliefs that come from different reasons
and I completely understand and can see
everyone's Nuance belief system about
this but for me I think that this is a
natural energy within us and the thing
that causes Distortion is having an
unhealthy relationship with sexuality
and can lead people to do really evil
and heavy things when they're pressing
themselves when they're shaming
themselves versus when they're like okay
I feel this within me how do I cultivate
this in a healthy way how do I move with
this Sexual Energy with intention and I
feel like that is a very empowered place
to move from and as much as I talk about
sex and share sex tips it's not my
driving force in life it's not what I'm
constantly thinking about but I am
deeply aware of my relationship to it
and how I want to use it which has been
a really healthy thing for me and has
actually brought me out of imbalance
like before I really started doing my
own research and taking field notes
about sex and sexuality I would use sex
for validation and would use sex for
Comfort or would be lonely and want to
be cuddled and the only way I knew how
to get that from a man was to have sex
with him and it felt so painful to my
spirit because I wasn't genuinely
listening to the information of my body
the root of those desires that I wanted
intimacy and safety and connection and
the more that I rest into my natural
desires and feelings I can actually be a
really safe person for my body and I can
advocate for my experience if it is a
natural experience within us then it
can't be wrong just like our feelings
our Sexual Energy and where it lies it
can't be right or wrong it's just what
is and if there's a desire to have a
higher libido then there's ways that you
can Implement that but if you're happy
with where you're at and not needing to
prioritize sex not needing to think
about it then that sounds [ __ ]
amazing to me and I think what is the
most like radiant and energetically
attractive is deeply knowing yourself
and owning your desire also translates
into the bedroom with the authenticity
of the sex you're having like there's
even less performance if you're like hey
I probably only want to have sex like
once a week I feel most excited when I
have you know 30 minutes of foreplay and
I feel most excited when we're breathing
regularly together the moment that you
start advocating for who you are in one
facet of your life I really feel like it
ripples out into so many other forms and
especially sharing one like sexual or B
boundary for me makes me feel so
empowered to be like and while we're at
it let me unleash all these other things
that I know about my body and I feel
like we all know so much about our
body's needs and how they respond and
react and we keep them to ourselves and
then feel deeply shameful or confused or
even resentful when other people aren't
aware of how to treat us so there's no
information that your body is telling
you that can be right or wrong but it's
just about sharing that and presenting
that and putting yourself in situations
where it is safe to be in what whatever
your embodiment is and it took me so
long to learn that sex should be about
enjoying the experiences in my body and
a reciprocal exchange of pleasure rather
than just a thing that made me feel
validated in my like femininity or a
thing that made me feel validated
because I was good at it it was a
performance for most of my life because
I was [ __ ] shame from such a young age
just because I developed early and I was
fetishized because I'm Asian and started
to you know get curves and a chest and
my intimate moments with my body in my
room were so holy and so wonderful and
then when I went out in the world and
had to you know navigate what to do with
everyone's thoughts about my body and
there were so many because I was [ __ ]
shamed and boys would make up rumors
about me that everyone would believe and
the girls would hate me it's just a
classic tail is old this time but um
even having older men looking at me
Desiring me and and uh even assaulting
me like it made me so confused this
sexual life force that I had became
theirs like it was no longer my sacred
intimate thing that I was experiencing
and became this thing that other people
were distorting but I have had so much
obligational sex in my life and it
honestly breaks my heart for my younger
self but I know that this is a shared
experience among so many women that it's
easier to just say yes and have
obligational sex then deal with the
discomfort or displeasure of men to hold
that awkwardness feel feel like it's
really scary I have felt untrusting of
myself because I would put myself in
positions with people that I was then
afraid to say no to or afraid to
advocate for my pleasure around and I'm
at a point in my life where I've
realized that being comfortable is the
most conducive and important thing for
any relationship that I'm having and
definitely for sexual relationships if
I'm not comfortable speaking a boundary
to you if I'm not comfortable being like
ugly around you then we can not be
having sex and by that I mean like the
level of comfort I have around my
sisters where I haven't washed my hair
in 3 days I have like you know acne and
I'm not bothered by it and I'm bloated
like if I can hang with you in that
specific scenario there's no part of me
that is performing or sucking in or
needing to put foundation on but that is
my meter now because um I have been in
long-term relationships for most of my
life and the past I think 6 months I
have been single and I have had Little
Lover ships and moments with people and
I've noticed how the sex really does not
expand the plot if I'm having it without
feeling fully comfortable with the
person and for some people sex might be
that conduit to that like okay now I
feel deeply intimate and connected but
for me um especially with men it doesn't
really add or further the connection if
I'm not already feeling completely
unfurled unclenched in my body and
honestly I have Li a lot in my life
specifically two men about what my
actual feelings were out of fear of
hurting them and I am not afraid about
you know being radically honest with
friends being real but with men in
particular maybe it's because there's an
inherent fear there I am afraid to even
say actually I don't think that I want
to date you or I don't think this
relationship is working for me it's like
such an intense thing um it's shocking
to hear myself say it but I feel like
this is just so normal I have been
practicing radical honesty in my life
the past few months because I have been
single for the longest period of time
that I've ever been in my adult life
which is literally like 6 months and so
I've had many opportunities to use my
voice and it's been my new little thrill
lately is to say the most honest and
true thing and I've learned that when
I'm lying about how I actually feel in a
relationship it completely taints the
relationship it doesn't allow for actual
intimacy to take place and preventing
their evolution honestly and I do
believe that women being radically
honest with men as frequently as
possible is so needed in this world I
really feel like we're having such
different experiences and it's kind of
nice to bridge that Gap but I'm at a
point where I am in a little celibacy
phase again I don't know how long I will
be in it I've learned that there are so
many forms of intimacy that mean more to
me and that like please and pleasure me
more than just having sex it almost
feels like sex is the easiest thing that
you can do when you have attraction or
connection to someone it's like the
easiest thing you can fall into to but
what I find to be more intimate is being
deeply radically honest is sharing parts
of yourself that you can't share with
most people or having experiences that
you could only have with that one
specific person or growing together
growing more Brave more courageous by
someone's side like that kind of thrill
means more to me than just seeing
someone naked or them seeing me naked
and connecting that way I think that I
need all those other forms of intimacy
first and then sex is really just like
an iing on the cake deeply deeply
connecting with someone emotionally and
spiritually that does so much more for
me and I'm at a point where I have
actual guy friends and to feel valued
and to feel deeply seen and like I can
have such a good time with someone
especially a man without sharing my body
has been life-changing but I still have
a fear of men in general and I will feel
anxiety and smallness and I'll be a
little bit on edge literally anytime
that I'm around a man anytime there
engaging with me my defenses are
slightly up I'm like what does this
person want how am I going to escape the
situation even if it's literally a
conversation I'm just being completely
real here usually like how do I get out
of this as quickly as possible
especially if I can tell they're hitting
on me or wanting something from me and
in some ways I feel like I've been
disempowering myself a little bit
because I just allow all of their energy
and their preference or their desires to
take up all of the space in the room or
in my judgment instead of being like
fully rooted in my my energy and what I
want and how I want to be respected and
just vocalizing that it would just be
like oh there's a man like completely
All of Me disappears now and I've been
working on that I've been much better at
just fully being in my power and being
like what do you no thank you like I
don't want you to engage with me in this
way however I because I feel this with
every single man initially when I start
dating someone or talking to them I'll
feel all these feelings of anxiety and
over time I can get to a place where
that is completely gone I feel so
comfortable with them so safe with them
and have the best friendships that's how
I feel about literally all of my guy
friends initially I'm like have all my
boundaries up and then over time I'm
like oh my God you're actually so safe
so cool and now we're homies and so for
me I've been learning how to be
Discerning about how much of that
anxiety is my own and how much of it is
them actually making me uncomfortable
and I have a list of questions written
down for what I kind of think in my head
when I'm like okay do I want to keep
engaging with this man or not Does He
surround himself
and is he nice with women who aren't
conventionally attractive AKA does he
respect and value women that he wouldn't
sleep with um how does this person speak
of their exes or their mother what is
their relationship like to the earth I
swear when I see men like littering or
just being so disrespectful to the earth
I know everything I need to know but how
do they respond to my boundaries big or
small or in general how do you feel
about me turning you down if you're
really flirty with me and I'm not
reciprocating that are you even able to
clock that I'm uncom comfortable or that
it's not reciprocal I am excited to keep
facing this growing Edge because I know
that it's just a reflection of this
Society my conditioning even just
growing up in like an Asian household I
feel like there is such deep programming
in me to be small and quiet and make
every situation better and not ruffle
any feathers and I feel like it's
definitely one of my assignments to grow
deeper into my voice and to into my fire
I am also Latina and whenever I stick up
for myself I feel my mom and that blood
inside of me but regardless having guy
friends is also the result of some heavy
boundaries too personally really like to
send text messages of like I really
loved hanging out with you today I can't
wait to get to know you better as a
friend I'm really looking for friends in
my life at this point that is 100% all
I'm available for so I ask that any
other feelings or desires like
completely get cut off if they're there
because I will feel disrespected if you
hit on me or try to push anything
forward in that way but I'm just really
excited to be genuine homies how does
that sound for you something like that
that's how I would say it but you can
use it in your own voice and also I've
learned to not embody my little afrodite
Essence as much I just read this book on
Greek archetypes and I definitely feel
like this Aphrodite sexual goddess sort
of energy is what I always lean into
like I would just be going on a hike
with someone alone a man alone wearing a
skimpy little outfit and just being like
M this feels so good maybe jumping in
the river naked just fully out there
like encompassing all of my sensuality
and my you know whatever being in my
body and I think that's really beautiful
but I've learned and I don't put the the
responsibility solely on a man to not
feel some type of way about me doing
that and I can see okay this might get
confused if it's not so clear that I'm
not interested in them so I try not to
be that open when I'm around men's that
I literally just want to be friends with
I know it's like a revelation but I just
thought I could be that way around
everyone but I really do Reserve that
for my sisters or guy friends that I've
had maybe for longer periods of time or
in group settings really I think that's
like another big one am not always in
that Essence around them and I like to
cover up a little bit more I'm cutting
off any sexual energy that might want to
arise here I I met this really cool girl
when I was in Egypt and she was telling
me how she loves having guy friends and
she was so beautiful so gorgeous and I
was like
how do you do that and she told me that
she has these really clear conversations
with them but she also like allows
herself to sometimes be in that you know
super open flirty nature not with them
but maybe they'll go out drinking and
she'll just feel really beautiful and
want to put on her little dress and
interact and she lets them know like
sometimes I am going to fully be in my
body that has nothing to do with you and
the moment that you do try to make a
move on me that is the moment that our
friendship ends so please know that when
I am in my sensuality it's just for me
and it's just my experience that I'm
having with the world and it's not about
me trying to show off for you it's not
about me trying to entice you and it
will still make me uncomfortable if you
come at me with that energy so that
could be something that's worked up to
but I really don't interact with men
much in my life because most of them
don't meet the criteria that I just
shared in this video most of them aren't
deeply respectful and just happy to be
in my life in any capacity it's whatever
is going on there I don't always feel
safe so I have very few men in my life
and women are literally the center of my
life and I'm so happy with it because
women have taught me how I want to be
loved women have taught me what ease and
comfort feel like in my body women you
know being a queer person have taught me
what consent is because they would ask
me how my body felt or if I wanted them
to keep going you know they were
constantly checking in with my momentto
moment experience and I feel like that
definitely translates outside of the
bedroom it is so easy to imagine me
spending the rest of my life just being
surrounded by my close girlfriends and I
would be so happy with that that's like
Mo plan a and then if a man is in my
life then he'll be part of that but I
just don't want or need for any other
form of love or intimacy because I'm so
met by my female friends and it is a
healing love and it is romantic and it
is intimate and it makes me more Brave
and it expands me and if I don't feel
that with a man then I know that I don't
don't want them in my life like if they
don't give me that same or a similar
level of comfort and excitement and joy
and permission to be myself that's not
going to add to my experience and I just
want to speak on that for a second
because I think a lot of us who maybe
also have fear of men or anxiety in the
world around men um when we find someone
who we're really comfortable with and
that anxiety over time dissipates it can
be easy to hold on to them beyond the
point that they should be in our lives
like maybe you're in a relationship with
someone who isn't fully treating you
right or you've outgrown
but you don't want to have to go out
there and start dating again or start
relating to men in every way so you end
up staying in a relationship longer than
you should because of that and I just
want to remind you something that I've
also had to remind myself that it took
time to get to that point of comfort
with a man and if it's worth it and it
feels so right with someone you will
take the time to get comfortable with
them and feel just as deeply intimate
and loved and maybe cared for in a way
that feels even more true or right for
you versus the relationship that you're
and out of fear of having to start over
again and having female connections
having forms of unconditional stable
love in your life will prevent you from
going to places that are half-baked or
that are not high quality nourishment so
that for me like having a group of women
who Unconditionally Love You is the most
powerful thing that I that I have in my
life and that any person can have in
their life it will inform your decision-
making in such a lovely way and help you
to make decisions out of love and trust
and abundance rather than lack and fear
and aversion so biggest takeaway from
this video is um invest in your female
friendships specifically the ones that
feel like family that feel like you can
grow old together like it is a force
like no other and it just fully fulfills
my heart but it definitely has helped my
relationship with men and helped me
gauge what I should be entertaining the
treatment that I should receive and I
also like the idea of having your female
friends sort of vet the men that you're
with or at least allowing yourself to
receive honest feedback from them like
okay what do you think about the way he
treated me or how our Dynamic was with
respect to you in in your decision-
making but the more that I spent time
with partners with my friends I realized
like if there was any dissonance or
their Reflections meant so much to me
because I trust their voice of love and
I trust their Viewpoint so fully and I
noticed that when I didn't want to bring
my partners around my friends it's
because they were clearly not treating
me right and I was embarrassed because I
knew my friends would clock that and not
let me be mistreated moving forward
those are just some lingering thoughts
for me but yeah I just feel so deeply
fulfilled right now I'm not running away
from anything I'm not attaching to
anything I just feel so deeply fulfilled
with where I'm at and that's what makes
me feel like I could just stay right
here in this little pocket with my
girlfriends and not have a worry in the
world and I only want connections of any
sort sexual romantic spiritual that are
going to add to the plot and further my
bravery and excitement for this life and
I'm just really excited to keep being
myself I think that in many
relationships that I've had with men
specifically I've put parts of myself on
a damper tucked certain parts of myself
away they couldn't really exist within
my relationships and now that I'm single
I'm like wow literally all of me can
exist in every single space that I'm
creating for myself and it's the first
time and I'm so happy that I've given
myself this time to learn myself more
learn my values more be single so that I
could feel into what what intimacy
actually means to me in Sex and now I
really know what I'm prioritizing and
it's literally just unconditional love
and um authenticity and people that make
it feel easy for me to be honest and
honestly myself and I feel so deeply
empowered and like I'm rooted in a soft
little nest of myself but yeah let me
know your thoughts and where you're at
right now and um how you're relating to
the world
and to men and sex and love I feel like
love is just such a moving force in the
world it's not something that we could
ever Force chemistry is not something
that we can force and when your life is
full of so many different pockets of
stable unconditional love there is such
a Harmony that you have with the
universe it feels like you feel the
Abundant nature of love in every single
day in every single moment and there's
no grasping and it is such an empowered
place to rest and um I just wish wish
and pray that for all of us but thank
you so much for being here and sharing
this time with me I hope to see you in a
video soon bye
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Cách THẬT SỰ yêu, lắng nghe bản thân? (Q+A)
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