Overthinking: How Improving The QUALITY Of Our Thoughts Can Fix QUANTITY Errors

Summary

In this insightful video, Heidi PRI explores the concept of neurotic thinking, often associated with overthinking. She challenges the idea of 'overthinking' by suggesting that the issue lies in the quality of thoughts rather than the quantity. Drawing from her master's degree in attachment theory and discourse analysis, she examines how language patterns reflect thinking patterns. Heidi uses Grice's maxims to dissect overthinking, emphasizing the importance of clarity, relevance, and truth in thought processes. She offers practical advice on identifying the root of overthinking and suggests focusing on answerable questions to break thought loops and improve mental clarity.

Takeaways

• 🤔 The concept of 'overthinking' is challenged by the idea that the problem lies not in the quantity of thoughts but in the quality and patterns of thinking.
• 🔍 Heidi explores the tweet that states 'there is no such thing as overthinking, there is only thinking badly', emphasizing the importance of thought patterns over the amount of thinking.
• 💡 The script discusses the idea that overthinking often occurs when one is trying to find answers to questions that either have no answer or are not answerable with the current information.
• 📚 Heidi's master's degree in attachment theory is mentioned as a background for understanding patterns of thinking through language, particularly in the context of discourse analysis.
• 🗣️ Discourse analysis is introduced as a field that studies patterns of language to understand thinking patterns, with a focus on the use of language revealing thought processes.
• 📝 Grace's maxims are explained as unwritten rules of conversation that, when followed, can lead to effective communication and are used as a metaphor for understanding overthinking.
• 🔄 The maxims of quantity, quality, relevance, and manner are discussed as guidelines for evaluating thought processes and identifying areas where overthinking may be occurring.
• 💭 The script suggests that overthinking can be a sign of unclear or muddled thinking, often related to not being able to filter information effectively according to the maxims.
• 🧠 The importance of clarity in defining the problem and the solution when overthinking is emphasized, as understanding the exact question one is trying to answer can help reduce unnecessary thinking.
• 🔍 The script encourages checking if the information being analyzed is relevant and true, and if the question being asked is answerable, as focusing on unanswerable questions can lead to endless loops of overthinking.
• 💖 The role of emotions in overthinking is highlighted, suggesting that sometimes overthinking is an attempt to avoid dealing with emotional issues or to find logical solutions for emotional problems.
• 🔄 The process of recognizing and accepting the truth when overthinking is due to not wanting to face an unpleasant reality is discussed as a way to break the cycle of rumination.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video script provided?

The main focus of the video script is to explore the concept of neurotic thinking, often referred to as overthinking, and how to address it using principles from discourse analysis and attachment theory.

What is the tweet's message that Heidi PRI references in the script?

The tweet's message is that there is no such thing as overthinking, but rather there is only thinking badly, suggesting that the issue lies in the quality, not the quantity, of thoughts.

How does Heidi PRI connect the concept of overthinking to discourse analysis?

Heidi PRI connects overthinking to discourse analysis by suggesting that the way people use language reflects their patterns of thinking, and by examining these patterns, one can understand the underlying issues in overthinking.

What are Grice's maxims and how do they relate to the conversation about overthinking?

Grice's maxims are a set of unwritten rules that govern how people cooperate in conversation, including maxims of quantity, quality, relevance, and manner. They relate to overthinking by providing a framework to evaluate the quality, relevance, and clarity of one's thoughts.

How does the maxim of quantity relate to overthinking?

The maxim of quantity suggests presenting the right amount of information. In the context of overthinking, it implies that the issue may not be the amount of thinking but the inability to filter and identify the relevant information.

What does the maxim of quality state and how does it apply to thought patterns?

The maxim of quality states that one should be truthful in conversation and not assert what is false or unsupported by evidence. In thought patterns, it suggests focusing on whether the information one is considering is true and可信.

How can the maxim of relevance help in identifying issues with overthinking?

The maxim of relevance emphasizes saying what is relevant to the conversation. For overthinking, it helps in identifying whether the thoughts are focused on the actual problem or if one is following irrelevant leads.

What is the role of the maxim of manner in addressing overthinking?

The maxim of manner calls for clear and direct communication. In overthinking, it suggests the importance of structuring thoughts in a clear manner to effectively address the problem at hand.

How does Heidi PRI suggest using the concept of discourse analysis to understand overthinking?

Heidi PRI suggests using discourse analysis as a metaphor to understand overthinking by examining language patterns, which can indicate how individuals are thinking and where they may be going wrong in their thought processes.

What is the advice given for dealing with overthinking related to traumatic memories?

The advice given is to discern which parts of the retained information are actual indications of danger and which are not, helping the nervous system recognize real danger cues and integrate the understanding that certain cues, like a song or a color, are not threats.

What is the importance of identifying the deeper subconscious question when overthinking?

Identifying the deeper subconscious question is important because it helps to clarify the actual issue that is causing distress, allowing for more directed and effective thought processes and potentially reducing overthinking.

Why is it suggested to focus on questions that can be answered when overthinking?

Focusing on answerable questions is suggested because it provides a path towards a concrete solution and prevents endless rumination on questions that are unanswerable, thus reducing overthinking.

What is the significance of accepting the truth in stopping overthinking?

Accepting the truth is significant because it often stops the pattern of endless rumination that occurs when one tries to make something false seem true due to not wanting to accept an uncomfortable reality.

How does the script suggest evaluating the quality of thoughts during overthinking?

The script suggests evaluating the quality of thoughts by assessing whether the information is true, reliable, and if one is trying to solve a problem that is impossible to solve, in which case it's better to focus on coping mechanisms.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 The Paradox of Overthinking

Heidi PRI explores the concept of neurotic thinking and overthinking, questioning the idea that there is such a thing as 'overthinking'. She reflects on a tweet suggesting that the problem lies not in the quantity of thoughts but in the quality. Heidi shares her personal experience with thought patterns that lead to loops and emphasizes the importance of understanding the nature of the problem and the quality of thinking to break free from overthinking.

05:00

📚 Discourse Analysis and Adult Attachment Interviews

Heidi delves into her studies in attachment theory and discourse analysis, which examines language patterns to understand thinking patterns. She explains how discourse analysis is used in coding adult attachment interviews, highlighting the importance of language structure in identifying truthfulness and thinking patterns. Heidi suggests using discourse analysis as a metaphor to understand overthinking by examining language use to identify problematic thinking areas.

10:01

🗣️ Grice's Maxims and Conversational Rules

The video script introduces Grice's Maxims, a set of unwritten rules that govern conversational cooperation. These maxims include quantity, quality, relevance, and manner, which dictate the appropriate amount, truthfulness, pertinence, and clarity in communication. Heidi discusses how not adhering to these maxims can lead to muddled thinking and difficulty in communication, drawing parallels to overthinking and the challenges it presents.

15:02

💭 Overthinking and the Clarity of Thought

Heidi addresses the issue of manner in Grice's Maxims, relating it to the clarity of thought when overthinking. She emphasizes the importance of identifying the specific problem and solution when thinking, using personal examples to illustrate how vague goals can lead to overthinking. The summary explains the need for operational definitions to provide concrete objectives and how this approach can help in managing overthinking by focusing on relevant information.

20:03

🔍 Focusing on Relevant Information in Overthinking

The script discusses the maxim of relevance and its application to overthinking, pointing out common errors such as trying to logically solve emotional problems or vice versa. Heidi suggests checking for biases and focusing on relevant information to answer the identified problem. She provides examples of how emotional deregulation can affect clear thinking and the importance of addressing the root cause to prevent overthinking.

25:06

🕵️‍♀️ The Quality of Thoughts and Knowing the Truth

Heidi examines the maxim of quality, focusing on the truthfulness and knowability of information during overthinking. She discusses the futility of trying to solve problems with unknowable outcomes and suggests shifting focus to coping mechanisms for the anxiety that arises from such uncertainties. The summary encourages developing answerable questions and seeking reliable information to make informed decisions.

🔄 Accepting the Unknowable and Ending Overthinking

In the final paragraph, Heidi summarizes the key points for addressing overthinking by questioning the clarity, relevance, and truthfulness of the thought process. She shares a personal anecdote about overthinking a trivial matter as a metaphor for deeper subconscious concerns, illustrating how recognizing and accepting the true nature of the problem can alleviate overthinking.

Keywords

💡Neuroticism

Neuroticism refers to a personality trait characterized by emotional instability and a tendency to experience negative emotions. In the video, it is the central theme, with the speaker discussing how neuroticism manifests in overthinking and its impact on thought patterns.

💡Overthinking

Overthinking is the process of excessively analyzing or ruminating on a subject, often leading to anxiety or indecision. The video script explores the idea that overthinking is not just about the quantity of thoughts but also the quality and relevance, using the tweet's quote to challenge the common notion of overthinking.

💡Attachment Theory

Attachment Theory is a psychological framework that describes the dynamics of long-term interpersonal relationships. The speaker mentions doing a master's degree in Attachment Theory, which is relevant as it provides a background for understanding the discourse analysis discussed later in the script.

💡Discourse Analysis

Discourse Analysis is a method for studying written and spoken communication to understand patterns of language use. In the context of the video, it is used to analyze adult attachment interviews, reflecting on how language patterns can indicate thinking patterns, which ties into the concept of overthinking.

💡Grace's Maxims

Grace's Maxims are a set of unwritten rules governing conversational cooperation. The script uses these maxims—quantity, quality, relevance, and manner—to illustrate how conversational rules can be applied metaphorically to understand and manage overthinking.

💡Quantity

In the context of Grace's Maxims, 'quantity' refers to the appropriate amount of information provided in a conversation. The video relates this to overthinking, suggesting that the issue may not be the amount of thinking but the clarity and relevance of the thoughts.

💡Quality

The 'quality' maxim emphasizes truthfulness and evidence in conversation. The video script uses this concept to discuss the importance of ensuring that the thoughts one focuses on are based on accurate and reliable information, which is crucial for breaking out of overthinking loops.

💡Relevance

Relevance, as per Grace's Maxims, is about staying on topic in a conversation. The script suggests that overthinking can be mitigated by focusing on relevant information and avoiding distractions or false leads that do not contribute to solving the problem at hand.

💡Manner

Manner, in the context of discourse, implies clarity and directness in communication. The video uses this concept to highlight the importance of clear problem definition in thinking, as a vague understanding of what one is trying to achieve can lead to unproductive overthinking.

💡Emotional Regulation

Emotional Regulation refers to the ability to manage and control one's emotions. The script mentions that emotional dis-regulation can lead to overthinking, as the mind struggles to process emotions effectively, thus getting stuck in thought loops.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have long-lasting effects on an individual's mental and emotional state. The video script discusses how trauma can lead to overthinking by causing the brain to retain too much information and struggle with discerning what is relevant or not.

💡Coping Strategies

Coping Strategies are methods or techniques used to manage stress, anxiety, or other negative emotions. The video suggests developing coping strategies as a way to deal with the anxiety that arises from overthinking, especially when faced with unanswerable questions.

Highlights

The concept of neurotic thinking is explored, often associated with overthinking.

A tweet's influence on the perception of overthinking as a matter of thinking badly, not excessively.

The importance of the quality of thoughts in overthinking, rather than just the quantity.

Introduction to discourse analysis in the context of attachment theory and its relation to thinking patterns.

The role of language patterns in revealing an individual's thought processes.

Grace's maxims as unwritten rules governing conversation and their relevance to overthinking.

The maxim of quantity and its connection to providing the right amount of information in thought.

The maxim of quality emphasizing truthfulness and evidence in conversation and thought.

The maxim of relevance and its application to focusing on pertinent information during overthinking.

The maxim of manner and the need for clarity and directness in thought communication.

How trauma can affect information retention and the relevance to overthinking.

The process of identifying and solving problems within overthinking by focusing on the maxims.

The importance of recognizing which cues indicate real danger versus those that do not.

The role of operational definitions in clarifying thought problems and solutions.

The distinction between feeling problems that require emotional presence and logical problems that require rational solutions.

The impact of emotional dysregulation on the clarity of thought and the importance of addressing it.

The necessity of focusing on answerable questions to prevent endless rumination.

The process of identifying subconscious questions driving overthinking and addressing them explicitly.

The importance of accepting the truth to stop overthinking and the role of self-reflection.

Transcripts

hey guys I'm Heidi PRI welcome back to

my Channel or welcome if you're new here

this summer on this channel we've been

talking about neuroticism and today in

particular I want to go deep on the

concept of neurotic thinking which is

often something we refer to using the

term overthinking so to kick this off I

actually want to talk about a tweet that

I saw several years ago that kind of got

into my mind and stayed there and the

Tweet simply said there is no such thing

as overthinking there is only thinking

badly and I remember seeing that tweet

and initially going well that's not true

and then really sitting with it and

noticing that if I could trace my

thought patterns back to the times when

I got really stuck in some sort of loop

or some sort of thinking pattern that I

couldn't seem to find my way out of

often the problem was not in fact only

that I was thinking too much it was that

I was trying to figure something out

that either had no real answer to it

that did have an answer to it but the

answer to it was not one that I wanted

or that I simply did not have enough

information or enough real and valid and

verifiable information to come to a

conclusion on or something else in that

category and so I started noticing going

forward anytime I found myself thinking

too much about something was it true

that the quantity was the main problem

or was there something about the quality

of my thoughts that I actually needed to

pay attention to in order to stop the

quantity from going way over the limit

and then in 20121 I started doing my

master's degree in attachment Theory and

part of what you study when you study

attachment Theory particularly if you

are learning to code adult attachment

interviews which is the assessment tool

that we give to people to determine

their attachment Styles is something

called discourse analysis now the first

thing you need to understand about

discourse analysis at least in the way

that it's used to code adult attachment

interviews is that when we are coding

AIS what we're looking at is what are

their patterns of language giving away

about their patterns of thinking so the

way that people use language is often a

reflection of how they are thinking now

obviously the thought that comes up

right away here for most people is well

people can lie but interestingly there

are also certain structures of language

we would expect people to use when they

are lying so with that taken into

account we can look at the ways that

people are expressing themselves and

with a reasonable degree of accuracy

predict certain patterns of thinking

that that individual might have now

discourse analysis is a really complex

field so this doesn't map perfectly onto

the concept of overthinking but what

we're going to do today is use the field

of discourse analysis as a metaphor for

understanding what's going on for us

when we are overthinking and in some

cases this does actually track very

nicely onto our language patterns so in

the field of discourse analysis there's

something called Graces maxims Graces

maxims are kind of Unwritten rules

they're technically written down in that

somebody wrote out the maxims but most

people follow these maxims without being

aware of them that govern how people

cooperate with each other in

conversation for example if somebody

asks you hey are you going to the beach

later you're not going to start talking

about the movie that you saw last night

you're going to probably answer the

question about the beach first and then

change topic so just basic things like

that the four maxims are quantity

quality relevance and manner the maximum

of quantity states that we ought to

present the right amount of information

so don't say too much relative to what's

expected of you and don't say too little

the maxim of quality states that we

ought to be truthful in conversation so

don't say that which you know to be

false and also don't State as fact that

which you have insufficient evidence for

the maximum of relevance is of course

say what is relevant to the conversation

and don't say what is irrelevant without

creating some sort of bridge in the

conversation so don't start talking

about your gym routine if you're asked

for the bus schedule and the maxim of

manner implies that we ought to be clear

and direct about what we're saying so

don't use unnecessarily complicated

language that the other person isn't

going to be able to follow and also try

to keep the points you're making clear

direct and connected to each other and

when two people in a conversation

naturally follow these four maxims the

conversation tends to go fairly well but

quite often people do not follow all of

these maxims because because if our

thinking is muddled in one of these

areas it's going to be really hard to

communicate that which we cannot work

out internally so when we were studying

AIS something I found very interesting

was that when you have someone saying

way more than what is expected or is

appropriate in an adult attachment

interview so you ask them a short

question that most people answer in two

or three sentences and they go on for

two or three pages it's often indicative

that they're thinking around that top

topic is not particularly clear and so

often what they're doing is giving you

way too much information because they're

unable to parse out for themselves what

within that information is relevant and

important to communicate to the

interviewer now why this is so

interesting is because we can kind of

think of overthinking through the same

lens when our brain is giving us way too

much information often the problem is

not the quantity itself it's that we're

not clear on the other three maxims we

might not know which parts of this

information are relevant and which parts

we ought to be focusing our attention on

we might not know which information is

true and what is false and so we might

not know which information to trust and

weigh the most heavily or we might not

even be clear on what problem we're

trying to solve within our own thinking

so we might not know what information we

can naturally stop focusing on and when

we're doing something like looking at an

adult attachment interview where there's

way more text than we would expect there

can be many reasons why this is the case

but one of them might be that someone

has trauma and when you have a certain

type of trauma it can cause you to

retain too much information about the

traumatic event and your mind is unable

to sort through what is relevant and

what is irrelevant so if you once got

jumped on the street and the person who

attacked you was wearing a red shirt

your brain in its traumatized State

might log everything that was happening

around you as part of the threat so in

the future it might think not only is

that area of town a threat also red

shirts are a threat maybe you were

listening to a particular song right

before you got attacked in your

headphones so that song might signal a

threat response in your body in the

future all of these things that in a

nontraumatized state were able to filter

out as unimportant information might get

registered by your traumatized brain as

relevant when they're not so when we

find ourselves in a state of

overthinking what we can do is turn our

attention towards these other three

maxims to try to figure out how to

improve the quality and structure of our

thinking so that we get better results

quicker if you think about something

like a traumatic memory in which you

have retained too much information which

I just want to clarify is not always how

traumatic memory works but this is one

possible expression of it the learning

that needs to happen both somatically

and intellectually around that trauma is

which parts of the information that you

have retained are actual indications of

danger and which are not so you probably

do want to keep the information in your

awareness that that area of town is not

a good area to be walking in after dark

if that is true information that might

keep you out of danger in the future but

you probably also want to find a way to

integrate the fact that red shirts are

usually not indicators of danger or that

the song Shake It Off by Taylor Swift

does not necessarily mean that you are

about to get attacked every time you

hear it so working with traumatic

memories is in large part and there are

a variety of ways to achieve this but

it's in large part about helping your

nervous system recognize which cues are

real danger cues and which are not and

this is similar to what we want to start

doing with our own thinking when we find

ourselves thinking in Loops we want to

start narrowing down the information to

figure out what is true what is relevant

and what problem am I trying to solve

here this is going to help us narrow our

attention to focus on what is most

relevant or it's going to lead us to

broaden our perspective if we find out

that actually we're missing information

that is incredibly important to what

we're trying to figure out so what we

actually need to do is kind of drop this

problem and go gather more information

so we're going to do a journey through

the other three maxims and look at what

might be going wrong in the instances

where we are

overthinking so the first one I actually

want to encourage you to check in on is

the one that is listed last in G's

maxims and we're going to work kind of

backwards here which is manner manner

refers to whether we are conveying our

thoughts in a clear and direct way and

when we apply this to thinking it's

really hard to structure our thoughts

effectively if we don't know in clear

and unambiguous terms what problem it is

that we are trying to solve with our

thinking so when I find myself

overthinking something the first thing I

stop and ask myself is do I know very

specifically what the problem I'm

dealing with is and do I know what the

solution to the problem would look like

so a lot of the time when I ask myself

these questions I get very hazy

responses from myself so it'll be

something like well I feel bad and I

want to feel good or I feel like I can't

focus and I want to focus but often

those aren't very clear goals they're

very vague and indirect goals so what

helps is to get way clearer on both of

those things and to determine

operational definitions of what those

things mean for me in the context that

I'm currently in so if I feel bad but I

want to feel good what would feeling

better actually look like in what way do

I want to feel better physically

emotionally what am I actually aiming

for here so spending more time

clarifying that question might get me to

the result of well I feel anxious

because I'm in a conflict with my

partner and I want to know when we're

going to speak again maybe right now

we're taking space and it's been a while

and I'm just kind of getting anxious

about when we're going to reconnect now

that's a much more comp conrete thing

I'm working with then I feel bad I want

to feel good I'm anxious because I'm

dealing with an unresolved conflict I

want to have a time and date that I can

anchor in the future as to when we're

going to return to it so my nervous

system can kind of settle around that

now I have a problem with a potential

solution and I can Orient my thinking

around getting to that solution point or

getting to a similar solution point or

sometimes I sit down to start making

bullet points for a YouTube video

and find that I'm writing way too much

and I stop myself and go okay what

question am I trying to answer with this

video maybe I have this idea that I want

to talk about shame and then all of a

sudden I have 5,000 words on shame and

what I really need is like five bullet

points and it helps me to really narrow

that down what is the Beating Heart of

this video what do I really really want

people to get from it well I want them

to understand let's say how to recover

from a toxic shame emotional flashback

so if you are suddenly overcome with

these unbearable feelings of

worthlessness and you feel like you are

5 years old what are some concrete

things you can do to manage that state

now that's going to help me narrow down

what I need to say about Shane because I

have a very clear and direct purpose

that I'm trying to achieve with the

video so my brain can start to filter

out irrelevant information maybe I have

a to say on toxic shame that is true but

it's not relevant to toxic shame

emotional flashbacks specifically so my

brain knows to not focus on that and it

knows what to focus on which leads us

naturally into the next Maxim relevance

do you definitely know which information

is relevant to the solution that you're

trying to arrive at or are you actually

following a lot of false leads so some

really classic errors I see people

making over and over again myself

included in this department are either

trying to think your way out of a

feeling problem so trying to find a

logical solution for something that can

actually really only be solved through

being present with your emotional

experience and listening to the data and

the wisdom that your body is giving you

or trying to feel your way out of a

problem that logic could solve so if you

find that you're continuously ending up

in the same distressing situations over

and over and over again

is there a way that you could zoom out

and look at what mistakes you're making

that is causing that pain to repeat

itself rather than continuously focusing

on how to manage your feelings around it

so often for myself when I'm really

overthinking something I'm trying to

write let's say the underlying problem

is that I'm emotionally disregulated

about something that's happening

somewhere else in my life and my

disregulated body is just not able to

think as clearly as my regulated body is

because it's trying to pull my attention

back towards whatever it is that is

causing my disregulation until my time

is probably best used attending to that

situation and finding my way back into a

regulated State before my thinking about

these other things will be clear again

so sometimes we're omitting information

that is very relevant which is that I

can't solve this problem because I'm

emotionally disregulated and that is

taking up a lot of my attention

resources or or once again you could

have a situation where you're finding

yourself chronically emotionally

disregulated and in that case you might

be discarding a lot of relevant

information around how you could stop

that pain from occurring before it

begins so let's say we are living in

really close quarters with someone and

we're starting to get chronically

frustrated with each other and we could

spend endless amounts of time trying to

work out all of these tiny frustrations

that come from living in this very small

cramped space

but what if we could just move to a

bigger space and of course that isn't

always a possibility but this is just to

get us all thinking about the fact that

most of us tend to neglect certain areas

of our own thinking so some of us tend

to naturally repress what's going on for

us emotionally and assume that the

solution to every problem is

logical and I kind of hate using that

language because I think that attending

to your emotions actually is incredibly

logical way more logical than avoiding

them but to someone who's learned to

suppress their emotions for much of

their life there's often that bias that

attending to emotions is irrational or

illogical so you might have the bias in

that direction in which case you want to

ask yourself am I trying to think my way

out of a feeling problem or you might

have the opposite bias or the opposite

bias in certain situations which is that

you're comfortable attending to your

emotional needs and the emotional needs

of others but you're not always as

comfortable with zooming out and looking

at what logical Solutions might help

those recurring emotional problems to

not get started in the first place so we

want to be checking for am I focusing on

the relevant information that is

actually important to answering that

question that I made clear to myself

when I was evaluating the manner of my

thinking am I focusing on the right

information and or is there information

that I need in order to answer that

question that I currently don't have and

that I actually need to go out and find

and then of course we want to look at

quality so is the information that we're

focusing on true and do we know for sure

that it is true and here's the thing I

think that there are different levels of

this so sometimes the problem with

quality is that we're making assumptions

so we think that something's true but we

can't be sure and that's one type of

problem but another type of problem and

this is one that I think happens very

quently to people who are overthinkers

is that when you evaluate your thinking

for Quality you learn that you are

actually trying to solve a problem that

it's impossible to solve so what does

that look like it might look like

getting really obsessed with a text

message that you want to send to someone

you had a really great first date with

and your conscious thoughts about this

might be I need to get this text message

perfect but your subconscious thoughts

about it might be if I nail this text

message they are going to to love me

forever and if I mess it up they're not

going to like me and in reality there is

actually no way to know for sure what's

going to happen in the future and so you

might be ruminating over this text

message because you are trying to use it

in your brain to represent one of two

possible outcomes that are actually not

possible to know for sure there is no

way on this planet to predict whether

someone is going to love you forever in

the future or not so information you're

looking for is not within the realm of

Truth so there is no way to arrive at

the solution to the question that you

are subconsciously posing so what we

want to do here is start being conscious

of what questions we are subconsciously

posing through this overthinking process

and see if we can start developing

questions that can be answered so a

question that can't be answered is

what's going to happen in the future am

I going to be safe and happy and okay

but a question that can be answered

that's much more relevant to your

distress is how do I cope right now with

the feelings of anxiety that come up for

me when I think about how uncertain the

future is right now in this moment in

the present I have feelings that I am

distressed by and what it is possible

for me to figure out is how to deal with

that anxiety how do I deal with the

anxiety of not knowing whether my date

feels the same way about me as I do

about them because there's no real way

for me to get inside of someone's brain

and know for sure what they're thinking

and feeling but can I start working on

tools for dealing with the anxiety of

not

knowing that actually is within my

control and it actually is something

that it would be beneficial for me to

focus my thoughts on because it's a

question that ultimately I can work my

way towards a concrete solution to which

again might include expanding our

awareness and going out into the world

and finding new resources or reading

books or talking to people about anxiety

management right so when we arrive at

that clear question that is answerable

we can naturally start sourcing the

relevant resources that we need so one

thing we want to get clear on when we're

looking at the quality of our thoughts

is not just what is true but also what

can and cannot be known if you're

working with let's say a relationship

issue you cannot possibly know what the

other person is thinking and feeling

entirely whatever they tell you is only

ever going to be a portion of what's

going on for them but what you can know

for sure is how you're feeling you can

tune into when this person says this

whether or not it's true whether or not

they are lying to me I know how I feel

when I hear it if I feel distrust ful

that is real information that I can form

a relevant question about in my own mind

I feel distrustful of my partner what

might help me increase my trust in them

or is this feeling of distrust so

chronic that I think it might be time

for me to leave the relationship because

it's causing me so much distress we can

know for sure what we're feeling and

when we share with another person what

we're feeling how they respond and how

we feel about that is more concrete

information so what we want to make sure

of here is that we are focusing on what

we can know and using that as the

relevant information that helps us make

decisions when we stay fixated on what

it's impossible to ever know for sure we

will end up endlessly in an overthinking

Loop because there is no end to thinking

about that which has no concrete answer

so before we wrap up here I just want to

summarize once again really quickly what

you might want to check in on if you

find yourself overthinking and don't

know how to stop one are you clear on

exactly what question you are trying to

use your thinking to answer and is the

surface question the same as the deeper

subconscious question that you were

trying to answer getting clear on that

question is going to be really helpful

so this is very embarrassing but I'm

going to tell this story for the the

purpose of driving the point home I

remember when I was living in Colorado

there was this point where I had a

massive crush on this guy that I was

seeing and nothing had happened between

us yet but we had this big hiking day

planned and I remember saying I'll bring

the snacks and I went to the grocery

store and became obsessed with finding

the perfect trail mix and I got really

in my head about like is he more of a

salty snacks guy more of a sweet guy

more of a dried cranberries kind of

person and I actually remember calling

my best friend from the grocery store

and saying I am going insane please help

me and she went sure this isn't about

the trail nuts and I think that if you

just accepted that you're nervous

because you like this guy and you don't

know how he feels about you you might be

able to relax a little bit around the

peanuts and she was absolutely right I

didn't know the answer to what trail mix

he liked but the intensity to which I

was focusing on a relatively benign

question implied there's probably a

deeper subconscious one which is does

this person feel the same way about me

as I feel about them and even just

getting in touch with that question and

making it explicit to myself

automatically allowed that overthinking

to really slow down so are we clear on

the question that we're asking both the

surface level one as well as the deeper

one and what solution we're looking for

next question is the answer that we're

trying to arrive at answerable or are we

struggling with some great existential

question that has no answer or a small

existential question that has no answer

if we are fixated on a question that is

unanswerable can we instead turn our

Focus to how to cope with the anxiety

we're feeling around the fact that we

are struggling with an unanswerable

question that's going to be where our

resources are better used three are we

dealing with a question that is

answerable but that we don't have enough

information to arrive at an educated

answer to as it stands this is one of

those cases where going out into the

world and seeking more relevant

information that we can be sure is

reliable and true is going to help us

sometimes and no overthinker likes to

hear this that means taking some action

and then thinking about it again fourth

question and this is one that I actually

think is the problem a lot more of the

time than many of us like to admit do I

already know the answer to this question

I just don't want it to be true and so

am I going in circles over and over

again in my mind trying to make

something that is false seem true

because I don't like the actual truth

and when we ask ourselves that question

in Earnest often we arrive at the real

answer that's hard harder to accept and

digest but that does stop that pattern

of endless rumination I would say much

of the time when I'm overthinking

something it's because I don't want to

accept the truth that I no longer care

about this thing or I no longer value

something that I used to value or I no

longer want something that I once really

did want and I'll jump through so many

mental Hoops to try to make that not

true but it's soon as I accept that it

is true all of that overthinking stops

so in short is the question that we're

trying to answer clear to us is the

information that we're analyzing

relevant to the answer to that question

are we sure that the data we're looking

at to try to answer that question is

true and reliable and if not what

information might we be missing that we

could go out into the world and gather

for ourselves and is the answer to the

question that we are posing knowable or

are we driving ourselves crazy trying to

make the unknowable

knowable this is not a comprehensive

guide to how to stop overthinking but

these are some of the questions that

have helped me immensely when I find

myself stuck in thought Loops checking

my own thinking not just for quantity

which is the most obvious problem but

for Quality relevance and Clarity often

the problem actually lies in one of

those

domains all right that's all I have to

say for today on this topic as always

leave any questions comments thoughts

that are popping up for you in the

comment section below I love you guys I

hope you're taking care of yourselves

and each other and I will see you back

here again really soon

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