How to Be a Good Communicator: Master Interpersonal Conversation

Summary

In this insightful video, the speaker shares expert tips on effective interpersonal communication. Emphasizing the importance of posture, mood, and eye contact, the speaker provides actionable advice on creating rapport and conveying confidence. With unique insights such as speaking last to understand others better and the art of genuine compliments, the video is a treasure trove for anyone looking to enhance their communication skills in various social and professional settings. The speaker's real-world experiences and strategies for handling difficult conversations, including the power of silence, round off this comprehensive guide to becoming an ultimate communicator.

Takeaways

• 🦸 Posture Matters: Your body language, especially standing straight and tall, conveys confidence and seriousness.
• 😊 Mood Influence: Your mood can set the tone of the conversation, but be aware of the other person's mood and adjust accordingly.
• 😁 Smile and Engage: A subtle smile while talking can make people feel at ease and is a key to effective communication.
• 👀 Eye Contact: Strong eye contact shows that you are an attentive listener and makes the other person feel important.
• 💬 Speak Last: Listening to others before speaking allows you to understand their perspective and avoid unnecessary conflict.
• 🗣️ Learn Names: Remembering and using people's names shows respect and helps in building rapport.
• 🌟 Compliments: Sincere compliments and appreciation can be seductive and make people feel valued.
• 🤔 Think Before Speaking: Pausing before speaking can help in formulating a thoughtful response and avoiding emotional reactions.
• 🙏 Polite Interruptions: Using phrases like 'May I complete a sentence?' can assert your need to speak without being rude.
• 🔊 Speak with Impact: Ensure every word you say has energy and is meaningful; avoid speaking just to fill silence.
• 🤝 Show Interest: By asking questions and showing genuine interest in the other person, you can create a positive impression without bragging.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the speaker's discussion on communication?

The speaker focuses on interpersonal communication skills rather than public speaking, providing tips on how to effectively communicate in various personal and professional situations.

Why does the speaker believe he is qualified to teach communication skills?

The speaker has extensive experience in high-level business and government relations across four continents, which has allowed him to develop the ability to create rapport and effectively communicate in diverse settings.

What is the first tip the speaker gives for effective communication?

The speaker suggests adopting a confident posture, such as the 'Superman pose,' to convey seriousness and command respect in communication.

How does the speaker recommend setting the mood for a conversation?

The speaker advises matching the mood of the other person initially and then subtly lifting it to a more positive tone, always maintaining a subtle smile to put people at ease.

What is the importance of eye contact according to the speaker?

Eye contact is crucial as it signifies interest and engagement, making the other person feel important and heard. It's also a way to avoid appearing inattentive or disrespectful.

Why should one speak last in a conversation according to the speaker?

Speaking last allows one to hear and understand everyone else's perspective, preventing unnecessary conflict and enabling a more informed and harmonious contribution to the conversation.

What is the speaker's unique tip for remembering people's names?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of learning and using people's names sincerely, as it helps in building rapport and showing genuine appreciation.

How does the speaker suggest handling compliments to be perceived as sincere?

The speaker advises to give genuine compliments, focusing on small details, maintaining strong eye contact, and insisting on the compliment if the person tries to deflect it.

What are two techniques the speaker recommends for thinking before speaking?

The speaker suggests counting to five before responding, especially in negotiations, and using physical cues like fingers to help with the count, and taking a breath to calm emotions before speaking.

How can using polite phrases like 'may I complete a sentence' enhance communication?

Using polite phrases like 'may I complete a sentence' allows one to assert the need to be heard without being rude, maintaining a classy and respectful demeanor in the conversation.

What is the speaker's advice on speaking to ensure impact and intentionality?

The speaker advises to speak with energy, good volume, and intentionality, making sure that every word has impact and is meaningful, rather than speaking just to break silence.

How should one share personal achievements without appearing narcissistic?

The speaker suggests indirectly sharing personal achievements by asking questions that the other person will likely reciprocate, thus allowing them to inquire about one's own accomplishments without bragging.

Why is it important to repeat or confirm information when it's critical?

Repeating or confirming information, especially in debates or when receiving critical data, ensures understanding and creates a bond of rapport, showing the other person that their position or information is valued and understood.

What is the speaker's final tip on handling uncomfortable questions or debates?

The speaker recommends opting for silence when faced with uncomfortable questions or debates, as silence can be a powerful form of communication that allows the other person to understand you are not willing to engage on that topic.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Mastering Interpersonal Communication

The speaker emphasizes the importance of effective interpersonal communication over public speaking, aiming to teach viewers how to excel in various social interactions, such as job interviews or dealing with difficult customer service situations. The speaker's qualifications include international business experience and government relations, which have equipped him with the ability to create rapport and achieve results. Key communication tips include maintaining good posture to project confidence, adjusting one's mood to match the conversation's tone, and the importance of a subtle smile to put others at ease. The speaker also highlights the significance of making eye contact and being an attentive listener, using former President Barack Obama and former President Bill Clinton as examples of effective communicators.

05:00

🤝 Enhancing Communication with Charm and Respect

This paragraph focuses on the art of being charming and respectful in communication. The speaker suggests learning and using people's names to create a personal connection and to show genuine appreciation through sincere compliments. He advises against interrupting others in conversations or negotiations and recommends a technique of counting to five before responding, especially in emotionally charged situations. The speaker also stresses the importance of politeness in maintaining one's persona, as demonstrated by Noam Chomsky's use of 'may I complete a sentence' during a debate. Additionally, he touches on the negative impact of speaking without purpose, urging viewers to ensure that every word carries energy and meaning. The paragraph concludes with advice on how to subtly share personal achievements without appearing boastful, by engaging the other person's curiosity and interest.

10:02

🤐 The Power of Silence and Clarification in Communication

The final paragraph discusses the strategic use of silence and the importance of clarifying information during communication. The speaker advocates for silence when faced with uncomfortable questions or situations where one does not wish to reveal information, highlighting that non-verbal communication can be as powerful as speaking. He also emphasizes the value of repeating information back to the speaker to ensure understanding and to demonstrate attentiveness, which can foster a sense of rapport and mutual respect. The speaker advises against engaging in unproductive arguments and suggests that understanding the other person's position is more important than winning the argument. The paragraph concludes with a reminder of the speaker's aim to provide valuable communication tips and an invitation for viewers to engage with the content by liking the video.

Keywords

💡Communication

Communication refers to the process of sharing information, ideas, or feelings through speech, signals, writing, or behavior. In the video, it is the central theme, emphasizing the importance of effective interpersonal communication over public speaking. The speaker discusses various aspects of communication, such as body language, tone, and the ability to listen, which are crucial for creating rapport and achieving desired outcomes in personal and professional interactions.

💡Posture

Posture is the position or bearing of the body, which can convey confidence and seriousness. The script mentions 'Superman pose' as an example of a posture that signifies confidence. It is used to illustrate how non-verbal cues can impact the perception of a communicator before they even speak, setting the tone for the interaction.

💡Rapport

Rapport is a harmonious relationship or understanding between people, often established through effective communication. The video emphasizes creating rapport as a key to successful communication, suggesting that understanding and being understood can lead to better outcomes in various social and professional scenarios.

💡Eye Contact

Eye contact is the act of looking at another person in the eyes, which is considered a sign of attentiveness and sincerity. The video script advises maintaining strong eye contact when speaking and listening to show interest and engagement, using Bill Clinton as an example of someone who made others feel important through this practice.

💡Mood

Mood in this context refers to the emotional state or atmosphere set by an individual, which can influence the tone of a conversation. The speaker suggests that one's mood can be contagious, and adjusting it to match the other person's can help in establishing a comfortable and productive dialogue.

💡Compliments

Compliments are expressions of praise or admiration, which can be used to show appreciation or to build positive relationships. The video mentions that sincere compliments can be seductive and make people feel good about themselves, especially when they are genuine and accompanied by strong eye contact.

💡Listening

Listening is the act of paying attention to and understanding what someone is saying. The script highlights the importance of being a good listener by speaking last, which allows one to absorb others' perspectives and respond in a way that builds on their ideas, avoiding unnecessary conflict.

💡Names

Remembering and using people's names is a way to show respect and personal interest. The video suggests that learning and using someone's name can be a charming and effective communication technique, helping to establish a connection and make the other person feel valued.

💡Silence

Silence, in the context of communication, can be a powerful tool for conveying messages or controlling the flow of a conversation. The speaker advises using silence when faced with uncomfortable questions or situations, as it can signal discomfort or disapproval without needing to verbalize it.

💡Arguments

Arguments are disputes or disagreements, often characterized by opposing views. The video recommends avoiding arguments as they can be unprofitable, but if unavoidable, it suggests using techniques such as summarizing the other person's position to show understanding before responding, which can help maintain a reasonable and respectful dialogue.

💡Self-Interest

Self-interest refers to the tendency of individuals to prioritize their own needs and desires. The script touches on the idea that people are more likely to engage in communication when they perceive it as being in their own interest, suggesting that understanding and appealing to this can be a useful communication strategy.

Highlights

Importance of posture in communication, signifying confidence and seriousness.

Matching your mood to the conversation, with a caveat to adjust to the other person's mood.

The power of a subtle smile in putting people at ease during conversations.

The significance of making eye contact as a sign of active listening and interest.

Advice for men to maintain eye contact with women to appear as intent listeners.

Speaking last in a conversation to better understand and respond to others' perspectives.

The charm of learning and using people's names to create rapport.

The seductive power of sincere compliments and expressing appreciation.

The importance of thinking before speaking to avoid potential miscommunication.

Techniques for pausing before responding in high-stress conversations.

Using polite language like 'may I' to assert oneself without being rude.

The impact of speaking with energy and intentionality to avoid filling silence.

Avoiding bragging and instead allowing others to discover your accomplishments.

Strategic self-disclosure by guiding the conversation to allow others to ask about you.

The value of confirming information received to ensure understanding and rapport.

Opting for silence when faced with uncomfortable questions as a form of communication.

The role of silence in communication and its use to navigate difficult conversations.

Transcripts

communication and today folks we are

talking about how to best communicate

interpersonally we're not talking about

public speaking although I do give at

least 40 public speeches per year but

the fact is most of you at home are not

giving public speeches right you need to

learn how to thrive in an interview for

a job or how to be comfortable when

talking to a woman you're interested in

or better yet how to do well when you're

on the phone with that customer service

person who's pissing you off but you

still need to get an outcome out of them

so I'm going to give you a number of

tips that will make you the ultimate

Communicator before I get rolling the

question is Marquette why are you

qualified to teach me how to be a great

communicator well I've done business on

a very high level on four different

continents engaged in government

relations with the Chinese government

the South Korean government the

government of Puerto Rico securing

grants from all of them establishing

offices there long story short I do this

whether we're talking about public or

interpersonal I can create Rapport and

get the job job done and that's what I

want to share with you a few tips and

tricks that you should exercise in your

daily Communications number one first

and foremost before you open your mouth

your posture says a lot about you when

you see a man standing straight and

erect shoulders back chest out chin up

and his voice is loud and clear which

signifies confidence you know this

person should be taken seriously so

first and foremost make sure you have

your Superman pose to start with

secondly your mood sets the mood so if

you go in and you're smiling and

cheerful Up Tempo guess what that's

likely to be the tone of your

conversation but one caveat

you don't want to go too far with that

if you notice that the other person is

serious and little grumpy you don't want

to be too bubbly you want to match them

at a level and then bring them up to

where you are when you're communicating

you always want to have a subtle smile

on your face as you talk it puts people

at ease if you want to look at someone

for modeling look at Barack Obama you'll

notice when he talks he's often smiling

works like a charm here's something

you've probably heard as a child but

maybe you forgot it make eye contact

they say the eyes are the window to the

soul right so when you're talking to

someone and when you're listening make

strong eye contact and here's a pro tip

gentlemen when you're talking to a woman

make sure you're looking at her eyes the

ones in her face because if your eyes

are trailing off that will not make you

look like an intent listener and the

trick to human beings we're all very

self-interested so we love when people

are interested in

us right so pay attention when you track

someone with your eyes and you look

engaged that makes them feel important

like what they're saying is critical it

was said of Bill Clinton that when you

would speak to him you felt like you

were the only person in the room this

next tip you won't hear anywhere else I

feel like this is like my special thing

speak last so often we are eager to

speak get our two cents in I say speak

last why is that so that you can hear

what everyone else says you can soak up

their knowledge and

you can mirror and match what they're

saying to make sure that you're on the

same page so let them know hey I heard

you I think what you said is smart I

want to build on what you said

so when you reserve your position to the

last and you speak at the end one you

know everyone else's perspective so

you're not engaging in unnecessary

conflict you're not offending them you

get to massage the conversation because

you already have a sense of what

everyone else's sentiment is speak last

here's another piece that's hugely

Charming I know a lot of folks want to

be Charming

learn people's names when you meet

someone hi pleasure to meet you Fiona

before you leave let her know you

remember her name

Fiona it was a pleasure meeting you

secondly Express sincere appreciation

and pay genuine compliments

there's no language more seductive than

a compliment people love especially

women when you notice small details

about them and you point it out and make

sure that when you pointed out you're

serious and you're making strong eye

contact so that they feel the sincerity

of that why because most people have low

self-esteem so sometimes they might not

take it seriously unless you make them

take it seriously and often because of

the nature of people they'll try to

deflect a compliment you might say oh

that's a lovely dress you have oh well

you know it's old and no no really I

mean it that's a lovely dress Green's my

favorite color I really like it

make them take that compliment yiddig

now I don't know about you but my

grandmother always told me think before

you speak too often we find that people

do not think before they speak here are

two simple techniques you can leverage

to make sure that you're always thinking

before speaking number one when you hear

something especially something you don't

like this is one I do a lot especially

in negotiation which I have to do more

than I like

so in business when you're negotiating

you know sometimes it can get a little

bit intense the worst thing you can do

is to interrupt someone when they're

speaking because then they don't feel

like they're being heard and they feel

as though you are attacking them so I

count out five seconds in my head but

because it's really tough when you

become emotional I literally do it on my

hands so if my hands are on my leg or if

my hand is under the table I'll put my

fingers together one two three four five

then I'll take a breath and then I'll

speak and you know what I notice most of

the time when I count out one two three

four five

then I take the breath the other person

continues talking they didn't finish

what they were saying sometimes they

pause to think or sometimes they take a

breath and then they realize they have

more to say but the better listener you

are the stronger you make your position

in communication and in negotiation

because most of the time people don't

want to win the argument they want to be

heard here's some more Basics and these

are just touch-ups things you've

probably heard but maybe forgotten and

they will really enhance your ability to

communicate effectively when you say

thank you may I please especially in

conversations that are maybe not going

very well it will help you a lot for

example I heard Noam Chomsky the revered

scholar in a debate and someone kept

cutting him off and then he said may I

complete a sentence wow very powerful

why because it's so polite but it's also

a strong statement may I complete a

sentence which is to say you're

interrupting me I would like to speak

without interruption but here's the

kicker makes him look like a real classy

guy when he says may I complete a

sentence he's asking your permission to

speak without you being rude

it's amazing now that's radically

different from him saying well God you

just cut me off again

you keep interrupting me right he gets

to maintain his Persona and we all want

to associate with things that are higher

things that are civilized and he

definitely positioned himself as The

Classy party in that discussion the

worst speeches I hear are when people

not when they're nervous but when people

are mooring or they're eating

when you speak whether it's

interpersonally or in front of an

audience every word should have some

energy in it and it should be meaningful

never speak merely to break a silence

speak and make sure that your words have

impact you're enunciating you have good

volume and you are intentional about

everything you say let the person know

hey I really mean this now let me appeal

to your self-interest because I know

often you end up in conversations that

you start talking to a young lady

you want to let her know what you're

about you want to let her know who you

are say you're a big deal you're making

a lot of money you want to tell her what

job you have you want to tell her what

kind of car you drive because you're

trying to impress her generally speaking

I could say you should not do that the

more that you brag and aggrandize

yourself and make yourself bigger then

that person tends to feel smaller and

also they think that you're a bit

narcissistic hey here's the truth we're

all narcissistic here's a good way to

hide that

if you want to share something with

someone maybe a fact about yourself

what you should do is ask that person

the question you want them to ask you so

if you want to brag about your important

job because you're a doctor you might

say

oh you know

I consider being a lawyer but I didn't

end up going that path how about you now

what have you chosen as a career what's

your calling

and when they get to talking about that

you listen very attentively and most

likely they'll turn and flip the

question on you and say oh well what do

you do

now let me warn you as a mature person

if they don't flip the question onto you

don't just start talking about it let

them talk I can assure you that the more

they think you're interested in them

once that conversation is over if

someone went and asked that person about

you they'll say well he's a really smart

guy really humble nice guy like yeah I'm

interested to see him again

because you don't have to say a lot

about yourself the way you conduct

yourself the way you pay attention to

them the language that you use your

vocabulary

all of these things about you will speak

well of you that you do not need to brag

if you really are a big deal that person

if they have any brain should be able to

put that together on their own without

your assistance now this one might sound

as though

it's Overkill but it's really not

when I hear something from someone

especially if they're trying to convey

information to me that they think is

important or maybe they're conveying a

password or something like that or a

phone number I always say

hey you said that really clearly but let

me read that phone number back to you

make sure I have it correctly or if

we're in a debate maybe an argument

I say I just want to make sure that I

understand your position

you're saying that you think Donald

Trump is going to be re-elected because

he's added a lot of jobs to the economy

not part-time jobs but full-time jobs

that people can support their families

on is that what you're saying

and then the person says yeah that's

right you always want the effect of yeah

that's right that means you're creating

a bond you're creating Rapport you're

showing the other person you care and

understand once they say yeah that's

right you can then go and say some crazy

stuff and at least they're willing to

work with you and walk with you down

your path because they already at a

baseline level say this person's

reasonable they've understood my

position maybe you didn't say you didn't

say you agree but you understand at

least and here's my last tip because a

lot of you end up in debates and

arguments which are extremely

unprofitable I highly recommend you

avoid arguments but every now and then

you encounter that person that just

pries they ask you a question you don't

want to answer and maybe you end up

arguing or maybe you end up begrudgingly

answering the question or revealing

something you don't want to reveal

generally speaking I always say opt for

silence

and people forget about the role of

silence and communication not talking is

a form of talking so if someone asks you

something that you're not comfortable

answering or you don't want to share

that information with them do this

that's right

maintain eye contact don't say anything

I can assure you after 10 seconds of

they'll get the point and they'll move

on to the next topic folks it's been a

pleasure to have you here with me if you

like this video absolutely click the

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