how to stop PEOPLE PLEASING | signs, causes and solutions to take back your power

Summary

This video script delves into the complexities of people-pleasing, a behavior often rooted in childhood and external validation. It outlines the emotional toll of prioritizing others' needs over one's own and offers a three-chapter guide to overcoming this tendency. The first chapter explores the causes, while the second provides practical methods to stop people-pleasing. The final chapter introduces a dialogue guide for assertive communication. The script emphasizes self-reflection, authenticity, and self-love as keys to breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing and living a more fulfilling life.

Takeaways

• 😌 People pleasing is a hard habit to break because it's often tied to pride and a sense of being a 'nice person', but it can be detrimental to one's own needs and self-worth.
• 🔍 People pleasing is rooted in seeking external validation and controlling others' perceptions, which can stem from childhood conditioning and upbringing.
• 📚 The video will cover the causes of people pleasing in chapter one, offering insight into why individuals develop this tendency.
• 🛑 Chapter two provides methods to stop people pleasing, including not anticipating others' reactions and focusing on self-love and authenticity.
• 🚫 It's crucial to stop trying to control others' reactions and to understand that their perceptions are their own and not a reflection of your worth.
• 💡 Developing one's authentic personality involves removing societal layers and discovering who you truly are, especially in moments of solitude and without judgment.
• 💪 Building self-awareness and a strong sense of self can lead to better boundary setting and confidence in expressing one's needs and values.
• 🤗 Practicing exposure therapy for mediocre interactions means learning to say no and not feeling guilty for prioritizing one's own well-being.
• 🙌 Self-love is a significant aspect of overcoming people pleasing; it's important to make decisions that contribute to personal joy and experiences.
• 🌟 Compassion for oneself is vital during the process of change; it's important to recognize that people pleasing habits are not inherently your fault and to approach change with kindness.
• 🗣️ Chapter three offers a dialogue guide for assertive communication, illustrating the difference between being a people pleaser and being assertive and confident without being unkind.

Q & A

Why is people pleasing considered hard to quit?

People pleasing is hard to quit because it is often rooted in external validation and the desire to control others' perceptions. It can also be a conditioned behavior from upbringing, making it a normalized lifestyle and even a survival mechanism.

What are some of the negative consequences of being a people pleaser?

Negative consequences include neglecting one's own needs, potential burnout, resentment, and a lack of authenticity in life. It can also lead to a lack of personal growth and the inability to form genuine relationships.

How does childhood upbringing play a role in the development of people pleasing tendencies?

Childhood upbringing can instill people pleasing tendencies through conditioning behaviors that associate being good with receiving love, affection, or approval. This can lead to a lifelong pattern of prioritizing others' needs over one's own.

What is the relationship between people pleasing and external validation?

People pleasing is often rooted in the need for external validation. The praise and positive responses from others for being accommodating can reinforce the behavior, making it addictive and difficult to break.

Why might someone not realize they are a people pleaser?

A person might not realize they are a people pleaser because it is often a subconscious behavior that has been normalized due to upbringing or societal conditioning.

What methods are suggested in the script to stop people pleasing?

The script suggests methods such as not anticipating others' reactions, realizing that validation should come from within, developing an authentic personality, practicing exposure therapy toward mediocre interactions, and practicing self-love.

How can understanding the root cause of people pleasing help in overcoming it?

Understanding the root cause allows individuals to address the core issue directly, whether it be childhood conditioning, past relationships, or personal insecurities. This self-awareness is crucial for making meaningful changes.

What is the importance of self-reflection in the process of overcoming people pleasing tendencies?

Self-reflection is important as it helps individuals to identify their personal reasons for people pleasing, understand their fears, and recognize the consequences of not being authentic.

How can practicing exposure therapy toward mediocre interactions help in breaking the habit of people pleasing?

Practicing exposure therapy involves facing situations that trigger the people pleasing behavior and responding authentically rather than accommodatingly. This helps to build confidence and break the cycle of prioritizing others' needs over one's own.

What is the significance of self-love in the journey to stop people pleasing?

Self-love is significant because it involves prioritizing one's own needs and desires, which is the opposite of people pleasing. It is a crucial component in building a healthier self-image and establishing boundaries.

How does the script differentiate between assertiveness and unkindness?

The script emphasizes that being assertive and confident does not equate to being unkind. It is about expressing one's needs and feelings honestly and respectfully, without infringing on the rights or feelings of others.

What is the ultimate goal of the dialogue guide provided in the script?

The ultimate goal of the dialogue guide is to transform people pleasing behaviors into assertive and confident communication, while maintaining kindness and respect in interactions.