Why Charisma Isn't What You Think It Is

Summary

This video script explores the development of charisma beyond physical attractiveness, emphasizing that charm is multifaceted. It delves into the components of charisma, highlighting communication skills, honesty, and reliability as more critical than looks. The speaker encourages viewers to cultivate a personal vision, practice authenticity, and refine their communication style to naturally attract others. The script offers practical advice on how to implement a vision, be authentic, and communicate effectively to enhance charisma significantly.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Charisma is not solely about physical attractiveness; it is a multi-dimensional trait with physical attractiveness accounting for only about 10.5% of its variance.
• 💡 Developing charisma involves improving three main attributes: vision and vision implementation, authenticity, and communication skills.
• 🔮 Vision is more than just setting goals; it's about having an abstract idea or direction for one's life, which can inspire others and align different parts of one's life.
• 🏛 Schools and societal norms often condition individuals to abandon personal vision in favor of standardized competencies and goals.
• 🛠 Vision implementation requires clarification of ideals, structuring the 'when, where, and how' of achieving those ideals, and strategic thinking to overcome setbacks.
• 💪 Authenticity is key to charisma; being genuine and trustworthy naturally attracts people, as it addresses the prevalent issue of distrust in society.
• 📝 The act of writing can significantly improve communication clarity, which in turn boosts charisma, as it allows for thoughtful articulation of ideas before verbalizing them.
• 🤝 Authenticity should be tempered with compassion, ensuring that honesty serves to uplift and respect others rather than cause harm.
• 🗣️ Clear communication of one's vision and authenticity can make a person appear more charismatic, as it demonstrates a clear direction and trustworthiness.
• 🕊️ The combination of vision, implementation, authenticity, and clear communication can significantly increase an individual's charisma, independent of physical appearance.
• 📚 Dr. K suggests that by focusing on these aspects, one can improve charisma by a substantial percentage, making them more attractive to others based on personal qualities rather than looks.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is about developing charisma, especially for those who may not be physically attractive, and how to naturally attract people through charisma rather than relying on physical appearance.

Why does the speaker say that physical attractiveness is often overemphasized when it comes to charisma?

The speaker mentions that physical attractiveness is often overemphasized because modern research shows it is just one of the six dimensions of charisma and not the most important one, accounting for only 10.5% of the variance between charismatic and non-charismatic individuals.

What are the three main attributes of charisma mentioned in the script that are more important than physical attractiveness?

The three main attributes of charisma that are more important than physical attractiveness are communication skills, being honest and reliable, and having a vision and implementing it.

What does the speaker mean by 'vision' in the context of charisma?

In the context of charisma, 'vision' refers to having a clear and abstract idea or direction for one's life, rather than just concrete goals or targets. It's about the quality of aspiring to something more profound and meaningful, like selling 'beauty' instead of just selling flowers.

How does the speaker describe the process of developing a vision?

The speaker describes the process of developing a vision as involving introspection to clarify what one truly aspires to, considering the ideals one wants to live towards, and then structuring how to implement this vision through deciding the when, where, and how of pursuing it.

What is the role of authenticity in developing charisma according to the script?

Authenticity plays a crucial role in developing charisma because it builds trust with others. People are naturally attracted to those who are genuine and reliable, and being authentic means sharing one's true self, including aspirations and vision, without deception.

Why is it difficult for people to develop a vision in today's society according to the script?

It is difficult for people to develop a vision because society, particularly through education systems, conditions individuals to focus on standardized competencies and goals rather than fostering a sense of personal vision. Additionally, the uncertainty and crises in the world make it challenging to envision and plan for the future.

How does the speaker suggest using writing to improve communication and charisma?

The speaker suggests that writing about one's thoughts and ideas before speaking about them can clarify those thoughts. This process makes communication clearer and more articulate, as the thinking process has already been completed, leading to more effective and charismatic communication.

What is the importance of strategic thinking in the context of charisma and vision implementation?

Strategic thinking is important for charisma and vision implementation because it allows individuals to navigate setbacks and continue moving towards their vision. It's about finding ways to move past obstacles and keep pursuing one's aspirations, which others find attractive and inspiring.

How does the speaker define 'authenticity' in the video script?

The speaker defines 'authenticity' as being true to oneself and transparent with others. However, it should be tempered with compassion, meaning that one's truthfulness should be delivered in a way that is considerate of others and not harmful.

What is the connection between charisma and the ability to communicate clearly?

The connection between charisma and the ability to communicate clearly is that clear communication helps convey one's vision, authenticity, and aspirations effectively. It makes an individual sound more competent and confident, which are attractive qualities in a charismatic person.

Outlines

00:00

😌 Overcoming Insecurity with Charisma

The video script begins by addressing the struggle of individuals who feel unattractive and the challenges they face in engaging with others. It criticizes the reliance on manipulative techniques to gain attention and argues for the development of genuine charisma. The speaker introduces the concept that charisma is not solely based on physical attractiveness but is a multi-dimensional trait. Research is cited to emphasize that communication skills, honesty, and reliability are more significant components of charisma than physical appearance. The goal is to naturally attract people through personal charisma rather than resorting to superficial tactics.

05:02

🌟 The Essence of Vision and Its Implementation

This paragraph delves into the concept of vision, distinguishing it from mere goals or targets. It argues that vision is an abstract idea about the direction of one's life, which is often suppressed by societal structures like school, which favor standardization over individual aspirations. The speaker highlights the difficulty of maintaining a vision in a world with uncertain future prospects. Despite these challenges, the importance of cultivating a personal vision is emphasized for its contribution to charisma. The paragraph outlines the first steps in developing a vision: letting go of concrete goals and embracing broader life ideals, which can inspire and align one's actions, making them more charismatic.

10:03

🛠 Steps to Implementing Your Vision

The speaker outlines a three-step process to implement one's vision: clarification, structure, and strategic thinking. Clarification involves introspection to define what one wants life to represent. Structure is about determining the when, where, and how of pursuing the vision, focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Strategic thinking is addressed as a means to navigate setbacks and continue moving towards one's vision. The paragraph suggests that having a clear vision and the demonstrated effort to implement it can significantly enhance an individual's charisma.

15:04

🗣️ The Power of Authentic Communication

Authenticity is presented as a key component of charisma. The speaker argues that in a society rife with distrust, being genuine and trustworthy naturally attracts others. Authenticity is not about sharing every detail of one's life but about being true to one's vision and values. The paragraph also introduces the concept of tempering authenticity with compassion, drawing from Eastern philosophies that emphasize the importance of nonviolence in truthfulness. The speaker advises using writing as a tool to clarify thoughts and improve communication, which in turn boosts charisma.

20:04

📝 Writing as a Catalyst for Clear Communication

The speaker shares a personal strategy for clear communication: writing out thoughts before speaking about them. This practice is said to simulate the thought process, allowing for more articulate and intelligent speech. The speaker admits to using this method to appear knowledgeable during live streams, attributing the clarity of communication not to innate intelligence but to the preparatory act of writing. The paragraph concludes by emphasizing the impact of clear communication on enhancing charisma, suggesting that it is a skill that can be learned and applied to improve one's appeal to others.

25:06

🚀 Enhancing Charisma Through Vision, Authenticity, and Communication

The final paragraph summarizes the key points discussed in the script, reiterating that charisma is significantly more than physical attractiveness. It emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision, being authentic, and communicating effectively as the primary means to enhance charisma. The speaker humorously acknowledges an unprepared ending, serving as a testament to the importance of planning and clarity in communication. The video concludes with a call to action, inviting viewers to explore a guide to mental health that combines the speaker's experience as a monk and psychiatrist.

Keywords

💡Charisma

Charisma is defined as a compelling charm that can inspire and attract others. In the video, it is emphasized that charisma encompasses more than just physical attractiveness and includes six dimensions. The script discusses how developing charisma, particularly through communication skills and having a vision, can naturally attract people, regardless of one's physical appearance.

💡Physical Attractiveness

Physical attractiveness refers to the aesthetic appeal of one's appearance. The video script challenges the common misconception that charisma is solely based on physical attractiveness, citing research that suggests it only accounts for 10.5% of charisma's variance. It is used as a point of comparison to other aspects of charisma, such as communication skills and vision.

💡Vision

Vision, in the context of the video, represents an abstract idea or direction one aspires to in life. It is distinguished from concrete goals and is portrayed as a quality that can significantly contribute to one's charisma. The script explains the importance of developing and implementing a personal vision as a way to inspire and be admired by others.

💡Vision Implementation

Vision implementation involves the practical steps taken to realize one's vision. The video outlines a three-step process: clarification, structure, and strategic thinking. It is presented as a critical component of charisma, demonstrating one's commitment to their ideals and the ability to persevere through setbacks.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being true to oneself and not presenting a false image. The video emphasizes the importance of authenticity in building trust and rapport, which are key to charisma. Authenticity is portrayed as a way to naturally draw people towards you by being genuine and transparent about your vision and values.

💡Communication Skills

Communication skills refer to the ability to effectively convey information and ideas. The script highlights these skills as a primary aspect of charisma, more important than physical attractiveness. Effective communication of one's vision and authenticity can inspire admiration and attract others.

💡Manipulative Techniques

Manipulative techniques are tactics used to influence people's behavior or perception, often in a deceitful manner. The video script critiques the use of such techniques, like 'negging,' to gain social advantage, advocating instead for genuine charisma development through authenticity and vision.

💡Strategic Thinking

Strategic thinking involves planning and foresight to achieve long-term goals, even in the face of obstacles. In the context of the video, it is part of vision implementation, where one must think critically about how to overcome setbacks and continue moving towards their vision. This resilience and forward-thinking are attractive qualities that contribute to charisma.

💡Compassion

Compassion is the ability to empathize with others and act with kindness. The video suggests tempering authenticity with compassion to ensure that one's honesty serves the greater good of nonviolence. It is presented as a way to refine communication and actions to positively impact others, enhancing charisma.

💡Writing

Writing is presented in the video as a tool for clarifying thoughts and ideas, which in turn improves communication skills. The script shares the personal example of the speaker using writing to organize complex ideas on topics like video game addiction and technology, thereby appearing more knowledgeable and charismatic when speaking on these subjects.

💡Setbacks

Setbacks are obstacles or failures that one encounters on the path to achieving a goal or vision. The video script discusses the importance of responding to setbacks with strategic thinking and perseverance, which are qualities that can enhance an individual's charisma by demonstrating resilience and commitment.

Highlights

Developing charisma is possible even for those who are unattractive, as physical attractiveness is only one aspect of charisma.

People often resort to manipulative techniques to gain attention due to feeling unattractive.

Charisma is composed of six dimensions, with physical attractiveness being the least significant.

Research indicates that communication skills are the most important aspect of charisma, accounting for more than physical attractiveness.

Honesty and reliability are key components of charisma, contributing more than physical attractiveness.

Vision and its implementation are critical for developing charisma and are more important than physical attractiveness.

Society often conditions individuals to abandon personal vision through standardized education and expectations.

Developing a vision is challenging due to the unpredictability of the world and the fear of disappointment.

Having a vision and implementing it makes an individual inspiring and attractive, despite physical appearance.

Authenticity is a significant part of charisma, as trustworthiness attracts people.

Strategic thinking in life's setbacks is essential for moving towards one's vision and is attractive to others.

Compassion should temper authenticity to ensure positive and constructive communication.

Clear communication of one's vision and authenticity can significantly boost charisma.

Writing as a technique to clarify thoughts leads to clear and charismatic communication.

Combining vision, implementation, authenticity, and clear communication can improve charisma by a significant percentage.

Charisma is not based on physical traits but can be developed and improved through personal growth and communication.

Dr. K's guide to mental health offers a practical application of the discussed principles for personal development.

Transcripts

today we're going to talk about how to

develop Charisma even if you're

[Music]

unattractive most people are of average

attractiveness or even below average

attractiveness and what do you do if

you're one of those people and this is

one of the things that bothers me the

most because when I talk to people who

are of average attractiveness or even

somewhat unattractive it is such a

struggle to engage with other human

beings you have to work so much harder

than someone who's attractive and what

this sort of ends up in is you engaging

in all kinds of techniques to get other

people to like you and in fact there's

even a whole industry that is designed

to teach you these techniques so that

you can try to level the playing field

with people who are naturally attractive

the experience that I'm talking about

here is someone who like you're always

texting your friends but they never

really text you back that when they need

something you're going to drop

everything and you're going to do

whatever they need but they never

reciprocate so what ends up happening is

that you're kind of chasing these

friendships and you're putting in more

time and more effort and sometimes you

even have to resort to special kinds of

manipulative techniques like okay I'm

going to do this or I'm going to do

negging or I'm going to do this other

kind of crap to get this person to

engage with me and you deserve better

than that I want you to have better than

that I want you to be in a situation

where by virtue of who you are your

charisma is so developed that you

naturally attract people to you because

you absolutely deserve that and I'm

going to help you get there so the first

thing that we've got to understand is

what is charisma now a lot of people

think that Charisma is simply physical

attractiveness but as the modern

research shows physical attractiveness

is just one of the six dimensions of

Charisma and on top of that it's not

even one of the most important ones

there are actually three attributes of

charisma that are worth more when it

comes to Charisma Than Physical

attractiveness now y y'all may not

believe that right because we all kind

of know for example that like clearly

Charisma means physically being hot

right well let's actually take a look at

the research because I think it's really

fascinating so to begin with we're going

to take a quick look at this paper

called generic Charisma

conceptualization and measurement so

these two people bless them I can't

pronounce these names because they're

from Croatia and Slovenia they sort of

sat down and tried to figure out okay

like what is charisma actually composed

of and here's what they found which is

really staggering so the first is that

attractive is a part of Charisma but it

accounts for 10.5% of the variance

between people who are charismatic and

not charismatic the really interesting

thing is if we actually look at the

components of Charisma what we discover

is the most important aspect of Charisma

is communication skills someone who

attracts admiration and inspires right

so that's not the same as physically

attractive and someone who's honest and

reliable and if we look at the

cumulative variance what that sort of

means is what percentage of Charisma is

embodied by these three things what we

tend to see is first of all these three

are all worth more than physical

attractiveness and about half of the

Charisma that you exude or that most

people exude is actually like made up of

these three things and it has nothing to

do with physical attractiveness in fact

physical attractiveness is only

responsible for 10.5% of the

when it comes to Charisma now that's

just one paper and I'm not saying that

this one paper you know explains

everything there are other papers that

we kind of dig into but the first thing

to understand is that people have

researched Charisma and physical

attractiveness accounts for only about

10.5% of it and so then the question is

what is the rest of Charisma and how do

I develop it so we're going to focus on

three attributes because these are the

things that you can actually learn how

to do and as you improve these what you

will naturally find is that people are

more interested in spending time with

you even if you're physically

unattractive so the three things that

we're going to talk about are vision and

vision implementation authenticity and

communication okay so let's start with

vision and vision implementation so the

first thing to understand is that in our

current Society we don't have a whole

lot of vision so what does vision mean

so companies will have things like

targets right we want to sell

$100,000 worth of flowers this year and

that's like a really solid like that's a

business metric baby like this is a goal

that I want to accomplish and if you

look at your life chances are you will

have all kinds of goals for yourself and

you think that accomplishing these goals

will make people like you right like I

need to get one foot taller my dick

needs to get a couple inches bigger

maybe my tits need to get a couple

inches bigger you know maybe I need to

make more money and if I hit these

targets then people will like me but it

turns out that vision is not hitting

Targets in fact it's the opposite so

vision is the quality of we don't sell

flowers we sell Beauty it's this weird

abstract kind of thinking it's Vision

right it's not a concrete thing it's

some kind of idea that you have about

your life and the direction that your

life is going in now why is it hard for

us to develop this floofy floofy idea

like what is your vision of your life if

I ask you that question you're like I

don't know right you can give me a goal

but you don't have some weird aesthetic

idea of what you want your life to

Aspire to be you're not some like Greek

philosopher who's like oh yes like I

will pursue Beauty because I'm epicurian

like uh we don't know how to do that

crap right and the question is why it's

because that instinct of vision is

actually conditioned out of us through

things like school so if you look at

something like school what is school

actually for do we take a group of a

hundred kids and try to enhance their

understanding and help them develop

their sense of vision between the

formative years of like literally five

and and 22 when most people are in

school for 17 years of the basic most

formative part of their life we actually

try to get rid of vision schools are not

places to help you cultivate a vision of

life there's they're factories they're

factories designed to create a

particular kind of person so we have

standardized classes with standardized

competencies that we measure and

standardized ways and when you get let's

say a degree in finance everyone who's

employing you expects you to have a

minimum level of competence so the

reason that it's hard for us to develop

vision is because we have a society that

doesn't care about vision and actually

actively conditions us to no longer have

a vision and youall may have noticed

this because at some point in life you

probably had these tiny little inklings

of vision and you're like I want to do

this thing and everyone else is like no

you cannot do that thing you need to

become doctor how dare you try to do

something to change the world and make

it a better place and you want to live a

life of Art and Beauty Al who will marry

you if you are living an art of a life

of Art and Beauty you need to become

doctor then you will find a good wife

the second reason why it's really hard

to have Vision right now is because the

world is falling apart so vision is

about the future right it's like hey I

want to accomplish this thing or not

even accomplish it's like I want to live

in service to this thing over the next

20 years of my life 30 years of life we

don't even know what state the world is

going to be in like 2 years from now

we've had about three or four Once in A-

lifetime crises in like 5 years I've

heard that the crab population is

cratering it's 25% of what it was like

four years ago something insane like

that if you're the under the age of 30

it's impossible to buy a house it's like

impossible to date whether you're a man

or a woman whether you're a dude it's

like 90% of people ignore you and if

you're a woman it's like if you message

someone you're going to get a dickpick

so the fundamentals of life in the the

future can't be counted on and so

psychologically what do we do when we

can't count on a future there's no point

in having a vision because Vision means

disappointment now here's the problem

with that even though it's really hard I

still want yall to try to cultivate it

it's been beaten out of you and it's not

a good idea but literally if you look at

the science of Charisma and you want to

become a more charismatic in individual

developing a vision is a key part of it

okay and let's understand why because in

this world where everything is falling

apart if you occasionally meet a human

being who has Vision about their life in

the future holy that's so inspiring

right so let's focus on Vision so let's

understand a couple of fundamentals the

first is that vision is not a goal so

when you're trying to develop your

vision of Life anything in your mind

that is a goal which is by the way how

you've been conditioned to think right

promotion this percentage of you know

increase in salary this kind of

certification this kind of award reward

this kind of achievement this kind of

whatever like it's always goals goals

goals goals goals I want to lose 5

pounds that's different from I want to

live a life of Health right my body is a

temple what does that mean those are

those Vision kinds of statements that

then you move towards in a particular

way and when you have a solid vision of

your life then people will sort of

notice that in all of the actions that

you do because in pursuing that Vision

you will start to align different parts

of your life and people will be like wow

that person is so organized so how do we

develop this Vision first thing that we

do is we get rid of goals has nothing to

do with goals second thing is that we

want to really think about what are the

ideals that you want to live your life

towards and be as floofy and

uncalculated as possible all those

thoughts that you've let go by the

wayside because they're not useful and

you can't achieve them in this world is

something that you need to start to

develop now Vision also gets coupled

with vision implementation and if we

look at the research on Charisma these

two things are really important it's not

enough to have an ideal in life you also

need to be able to implement it and the

implementation of your vision involves

three steps the first is clarification

and this is kind of also step one

because you know we kind of say I say

like develop a vision you're like at

this point in the video you haven't done

that yet right so what you really want

to do is really start to think about

what do I want my life to look like when

I look back on it what do I want my life

to be perceived as by other people what

would make me happy on my deathbed if my

life was this way and I can guarantee

you that if you kind of like well I

guess not guarantee you but it's not

going to be a particular Target right

like when you're 80 years old and you're

thinking back to your life and you're

like man the one thing that makes me

really happy is that when I was 28 years

old and I applied for that promotion I

got that particular promotion at that

particular company and thank God I

achieved that goal because that has made

my life worthwh no it doesn't work like

that right when you look back on your

life what are the ideals that you were

shoo shooting for what was the direction

that you wanted your life to go these

are Concepts like you know I want to

create a story that inspires people or I

see that there's a lot of suffering in

this world and I want to capture that

suffering and share it with other people

in the in the form of like a story or

something like that these are kind of

more floofy sort of ideas right I want

my body to be a temple I want to live a

life that I can be proud of I know it

sounds kind of bizarre but that's all

Vision stuff and the next thing is to

just simply clarify that idea and as ask

yourself a little bit about why do I

want this what's important to me and the

more you do that kind of introspective

work the more that you will develop

Vision the second thing about Vision

implementation is structure so now that

we have some kind of Ideal and it

doesn't have to be fully fleshed out it

can be a work over time right is there's

a big part that people who are goal

focused and not Vision focused kind of

focus on which is the what so I want to

accomplish this thing it's all about the

Target right what's the target we're

shooting for we want to increase sales

we want to lose 10 lb it's all these

targets and we love targets because

they're easy to measure and the other

thing is that everybody else loves

targets because it's a quick way to

reduce us to a number it's a way to rank

a mass of human beings so we want to

abandon that way of thinking when it

comes to Vision so Vision implementation

is about structure and what we mean by

that is where when and how so for

whatever ideal you have don't focus on

what the goal is focus on when you're

going to do it where you're going to do

it and how you're going to do it so it's

not even about the goal it's really

about the process and the more that you

focus on the process of it the where the

when the how and if you say to yourself

okay I want to live a life of beauty

what the hell does that mean so then ask

yourself where am I going to live a life

of beauty when am I going to live a life

of beauty how am I going to live a life

of beauty what does that mean that means

that okay I'm going to make some kind of

artwork and present it on March 27th

2024 at this particular community of art

local artists or whatever right so as

you tunnel down into the when where and

how it's not about the what or whether

you achieve your goal or not achieve

your goal it's when are you going to do

it where are you going to do it and how

are you going to do it whatever appeals

to you there's no right or wrong okay

the next part of vision implementation

is strategic thinking so this may sound

like kind of common sense right like oh

I should like think strategically about

my life but that's not actually what

happens so let me give you all an

example so let's say that I have some

kind of setback in life let's say I get

dumped and what is our experience of

being dumped we usually don't think

about our life in a strategic way right

the setback hurts us so much we start to

develop all these views about the

opposite sex or maybe the same sex we

start to lose our faith and love and

humanity and all this kind of stuff we

let these events around us shape our

future so what strategic thinking means

is when it comes to your life and you

have a vision that you want to move

towards and you figured out a where a

when and a how inevitably things ain't

going to go your way because you're just

learning how to do this stuff and how do

we respond when things don't go our way

this is where human beings are very good

at strategic thinking when it comes to

work but they are very bad at strategic

thinking when it comes to their own

lives because at work there's no

emotions involved there's no ego

involved there's no like usually parents

involved right but when it comes to our

own lives we can't think about our life

strategically because when things don't

go away our way we feel bad and then we

want to drink or we want to get high or

we want to play video games or whatever

we don't think about things

strategically so what does it mean to

think strategically so that's where when

you have a vision or a particular

direction that you want to go and you've

sort of figured out the where when how

anytime you have a setback you think

about okay how can I move past this

right how can I circumvent whatever has

just happened and continue moving

towards my vision it's about sort of a

strategic approach to always moving

forward it's not about a goal it's not

about achieving a a particular thing

although you can let a goal roll in it's

no big no big deal but to really think

about for any setback you have in life

what can I do about this how can I move

past that and what we sort of know from

the science of Charisma is it's when

human beings start to do this that other

people around them are like wow look at

that person they're attracted to this

right because what does this look like

from the outside wow that person did not

let a setback hold them back this person

persevered through success men they are

moving relentlessly towards a particular

goal it's not a goal it's actually a

vision right they're and the when where

how means that they're actually doing

stuff so this is a huge part of Charisma

the next thing that we're going to talk

a little bit about is communication

style and authenticity and we're going

to kind of roll these together even

though they're separate factors so the

main thing that we can do to boost our

Charisma is to be more authentic now

what does that mean so if we sort of

think about let's say things that are

naturally attractive so let's say like

there's 's a campfire okay and if you

sort of think about a campfire it's very

inviting right it's like warm it's

cheery it's crackly it looks cool it's

like fire bro and it's also like it

feels good to like sit next to it right

so we're sort of naturally attracted to

campfires so how do we have other people

be naturally drawn towards us we have to

be authentic and why is that it's

because when people can't trust us they

will not be attracted to us so we

currently have a society that is built

on distrust so dating profiles are very

calculated methods of distrust right

you're trying to advertise some of this

stuff oh yeah the person never mentioned

that they've got kids or they never

mentioned that they're actually in jail

or like you know there's all kinds of

stuff there's so much deception going on

in the world today with employees

employers with each other with

relationships and youall know what I'm

talking about because if you've tried to

exist in this world you've realized that

being authentic is like kind of stupid

and you get punished for it and at the

same time the more that you can develop

that authenticity the more people will

be drawn towards you right because they

know what they're going to get and the

primary concern that so many people have

in the world right now is that you can't

trust people so if you are one of the

people that people can actually trust

that's going to be a huge chunk of

Charisma and we've already looked at

some of the data and there's a lot of

data that shows that you know

authenticity is very very important now

there are a couple of caveats to

authenticity because we don't want to be

authentically like negative and spewing

all that crap right so what we really

want to be authentic about is our sense

of vision our sense of direction who we

aspire to be you can share some

negativity there's no problem in that

but what we really want you to do is try

to be your authentic best self and if

there's a chunk of negativity in there

that's actually okay because that shows

you as being more authentic the problem

right now is that a lot of people

confuse authenticity of self as verbal

diarrhea for for all of my trauma and

those are not the same two things I mean

sure that's one version of authenticity

but that's the kind of authenticity that

you should have with a therapist right

not people that you met 5 minutes ago on

the internet and then the third thing

that we're going to focus on is a

particular kind of communication style

which is the most important part of

Charisma now this communication style

it's not just that you can do these

three or four tips and then you're going

to be charismatic there's absolutely

pieces of that but this communication

style is built on the other two so the

next thing about authenticity is if

you're trying to figure out what is too

authentic what is not authentic I would

encourage you to temper your

authenticity with compassion so in Asia

like East Asia like India China some of

these areas that have like Buddhist and

Hindu Roots they have this really

interesting approach to truthfulness so

they say that there's this thing called

SATA which is something you should

aspire to you should try to be truthful

all the time but they say that Satya is

subject to aimsa which means nonviolence

and so when they're trying to figure out

how honest should I be or should I share

this or not share this it's not that I'm

radically honest and so I'm going to be

an to you because this is my

authenticity no what they mean is that

your truthfulness should be subject to

compassion so compassion should be your

number one goal and truthfulness should

be in service to that so if you're

trying to figure out should I share this

should I not share this is this part of

my authentic being think about letting

compassion temper that what will this

authenticity due to the people around me

and this is where you say well doesn't

that mean you're not being authentic

because you're starting to hide things

no you don't want to fake positive stuff

so you want to let stuff out that is

absolutely authentic but you want to

temper with compassion as much as

possible now we're going to get to the

third part which is communication style

and communication style is absolutely

like certain techniques that you can do

but these are subject to number one and

number two so as you develop a vision as

you clarify a Vision as you start

implementing a vision as you start

practicing authenticity and compassion

this is where we get to communication

and so what we want to communicate is

number one and number two right so you

want to share authentic things you want

to share what your vision is with people

you don't want to brag about it I did

this I did this my body's a temple I'm

doing this I'm so cool look at me I'm so

Alpha but what we really want you to do

is clarify your communication and the

way that we do this so when people when

you ask people you know what is the key

aspect of like communication for someone

who's charismatic and it's that they're

very clear with their communication and

there's a very easy technique to develop

that which is actually to practice

writing so with whatever you end up

talking about or communicating with

other people write about it first now a

lot of people are super surprised by

that but I'll give you all a simple

example so people will look at me and

arguably I'm somewhat charismatic right

and let's let's let's use the Dr K test

so if you think I'm charismatic great if

you don't think I'm charismatic well I

don't know so maybe I'll still fail the

test and I'll fail these Dimensions so

when youall kind of like look at me

right what do yall see do you think that

I'm authentic do you think I'm

transparent do I communicate things in a

clear way do I have a vision of what I'm

trying to accomplish so as we check

those boxes because it's not that I'm

like particularly sexy right like I know

that some people think that and oh my

God Dr K is such a thirst trap I don't

think so bro like I'm a 41-year-old dad

of two who exercises intermittently I'm

not that attractive right got a decent

head of hair I'll give you that but at

the end of the day these are the

qualities that I try to Aspire to right

it's having a Clear Vision of what we're

doing it's trying to be as authentic as

possible with y'all and at the end of

the day it's communicating things in a

clear way so let's focus on that number

three so when I started streaming on

Twitch everyone was like oh my God this

guy is so good at talking about stuff oh

my God he's so brilliant oh my God right

and believe me I love it but I'm going

to give you all the little hack that I

use to pretend to be smart which is that

I write about everything before I open

my mouth so before I did my

first stream on Twitch around the time I

did my first stream I was writing a book

on video game addiction I was writing a

book or I wrote a book about the

neuroscience and psychology of

Technology it is this 160 page Mammoth

tone that is absolute garbage right so

everyone's like oh my God Dr K can I

read it no it sucks trust me you don't

want to read it but what that process of

writing when I wrote 160 pages and like

88,000 words it clarified all of my

ideas so that when I opened my mouth it

made me sound like I was a smart person

I'm not actually that smart I just

figured this piece out about clear

communication and that's why I'm sharing

it with you so when it comes to clearly

communicating the most important thing

that you can do is write out your

thoughts you don't have to stick with

them you don't have to repeat them or

memorize them or anything like that but

if you look at the Neuroscience of

writing and speaking when we go through

the process of verbalization and sort of

writing this stuff out this is when we

actually clarify our thinking and now

the cool thing is when you open your

dumb mouth all of the thinking has

already been done so that when you start

speaking it comes out super clear

because most people when they

communicate they're thinking at the same

time right so just think about this for

a second when you're having a

conversation and you formulate some kind

of response to a question that's the

first time you're thinking about it so

if it's the first time you're thinking

about it how clear do you think it's

going to be and this is why most

conversations are not filled with

brilliant Revelations but if you want to

have conversations that are filled with

brilliant Revelations start writing

about it the simple Act of writing will

clarify the thoughts and then when you

speak you will sound much much clearer

much more competent so I know it sounds

kind of crazy but it turns out that

physical attractiveness is a small

percentage of Charisma accounts for

10.5% of the variance of Charisma and

there are other things that are

absolutely in your control that you can

use to level up your charisma plus three

to Charisma baby look at that racial

bonus from D and D hell yeah dude make

you a strong Paladin make you a strong B

it's going to be lit plus three to

Charisma baby how do we do this Vision

Vision implementation authenticity and

communication if you can do these four

things all of the literature about the

science of Charisma from business to

psychology suggest that you will improve

your charisma by about 44% right that's

the variance of these three categories

roughly actually that's not correct but

it'll go up quite a bit I'm confident to

that and the coolest thing is that this

is something that is not based on the

jawline that you were born with or the

way that your face looks and especially

in a world where everyone is trying to

survive a single human being who can

speak clearly has a vision that they're

implementing and is someone that you can

trust well wouldn't you be attracted to

them so give it a shot and level up your

charisma and you will be thanking me for

them that's dumb see I didn't think

through this yet so now I don't know how

to close it because now I sound like an

idiot do you all see how different it is

when I haven't thought I didn't think

through how I was going to end this

video and now I sound like a dumbass so

maybe that's the best proof I can give

you so now go and do it hey y'all if

you're interested in applying some of

the principles that we share to actually

create change in your life check out Dr

K's guide to mental health it combines

over over two decades of my experience

of both being a monk and a psychiatrist

and distills all of the most important

things I've learned into a Choose Your

Own Adventure format so check out the

link in the bio and start your journey

[Music]

today