How To Have Elite Level Confidence

Summary

This video script addresses the common concern of caring too much about others' opinions, which can lead to anxiety and a mediocre life. It encourages viewers to find their passion, envision their ideal life, and build an inner circle of trusted individuals whose opinions they value. The script further advises viewers to embrace their core values and seek self-acceptance to reduce the impact of external judgments. It offers strategies like leaving the 'validation casino' and using the 'best friend trick' for self-improvement without succumbing to complacency, ultimately aiming for a life true to oneself.

Takeaways

• 😌 Caring about others' opinions is a natural instinct, but it should not dictate your life choices.
• 🚫 Over-concern with others' views can lead to an anxious and mediocre life, often resulting in undesirable outcomes.
• 🔥 Finding your passion and committing to it can help you overcome the fear of being judged by others.
• 🌞 It's important to envision your ideal life to stay focused on what truly matters to you, despite others' judgments.
• 🦀 Understanding 'crabs in a bucket syndrome' helps to realize that negative judgments may stem from others' insecurities.
• 👥 Creating an inner circle of trusted individuals can help you filter out the noise of irrelevant opinions.
• 🌟 Committing to your core values over the opinions of others is crucial for personal growth and authenticity.
• 📌 Having a clear vision of your future can provide the motivation to disregard negative judgments from others.
• 🚫 Leaving the 'validation casino', such as social media, can reduce the dependency on external validation.
• 💭 Recognizing that most people are preoccupied with their own lives and thoughts can lessen the impact of their opinions on you.
• 🤗 Self-acceptance is key to not being affected by others' judgments and is essential for personal growth and improvement.

Q & A

Why is it natural for people to care about what others think?

It's a natural instinct because not caring at all could lead to becoming a social outcast, and it feels justified for social cohesion.

What are the potential negative outcomes of caring too much about others' opinions?

It can lead to an anxious, mediocre life, with a high likelihood of obesity, divorce, and financial instability.

What does the 'crabs in a bucket syndrome' represent in the context of this script?

It represents the phenomenon where individuals pull others down to prevent them from succeeding or being different, which can hinder personal growth.

What does the script suggest as a way to stop caring about others' opinions?

It suggests finding your passion or 'fire', creating an inner circle of trusted individuals, and committing to your core values.

How does the script relate to the common regret of people on their deathbeds?

The script mentions that the number one regret is not living a life true to oneself, which is often hindered by caring too much about others' expectations.

What exercise is suggested to deal with people who discourage you from pursuing your dreams?

Visualize your ideal day and create a clear vision of your ideal life to help deal with people's judgments and stay focused on your goals.

Why is it important to decide on your core values according to the script?

Deciding on core values helps you commit to caring about them more than the opinions of others, which can lead to personal authenticity and growth.

What is the 'validation Casino' metaphor referring to in the script?

It refers to the addictive cycle of seeking external validation, such as through social media likes and comments, which can be detrimental to self-esteem.

How does the script suggest dealing with the fear of being judged?

By understanding that anyone can say what they want, and not giving others the power to make you happy or unhappy based on their opinions.

What is the role of self-acceptance in not caring about others' opinions as per the script?

Self-acceptance is crucial as it prevents others from triggering shame in you and allows you to feel secure in your own identity, regardless of others' judgments.

How can one maintain motivation to improve while being self-accepting?

By understanding that self-acceptance is about acknowledging where you are currently, not about being complacent; it provides a solid foundation for growth and improvement.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

The first paragraph discusses the natural human instinct to care about others' opinions and the potential negative consequences of excessive concern, such as leading an anxious and mediocre life. It emphasizes the importance of not letting others' approval dictate one's life, referencing the common regret of people on their deathbeds wishing they had lived true to themselves. The speaker introduces strategies to stop caring about others' opinions, like finding one's passion and creating a clear vision of one's ideal life, as a way to deal with judgment and move towards personal growth.

05:00

🔒 Building an Inner Circle and Core Values

The second paragraph delves into the concept of creating an inner circle of trusted individuals whose opinions matter, while also recognizing the limitations this can impose on personal growth. It suggests that the ultimate step is self-empowerment through defining and committing to one's core values, which can override the need for external validation. Examples are provided, such as embracing honesty and growth as personal values, and the importance of self-acceptance in not letting others' judgments affect one's self-worth.

10:02

🚫 Leaving the Validation Casino

The final paragraph focuses on strategies to care less about others' judgments, such as leaving the 'validation casino' by deleting social media, which can be a source of addiction and false validation. It highlights the importance of self-acceptance and the realization that most people are too preoccupied with themselves to think negatively about others. The paragraph concludes with the idea that self-acceptance is crucial for personal growth and improvement, and it dispels the myth that self-acceptance leads to complacency.

Keywords

💡Social Outcast

A social outcast refers to a person who is rejected or excluded from a social group. In the context of the video, the fear of becoming a social outcast is presented as a reason why people might care excessively about others' opinions. The script mentions that not caring at all could lead to social exclusion, which is a natural instinct for belonging.

💡Anxious Mediocrity

Anxious mediocrity is a state of being average and ordinary, often due to excessive concern about fitting in or being judged by others. The video suggests that caring too much about others' opinions can lead to a life of anxiety and mediocrity, as it prevents one from pursuing their dreams or being true to oneself.

💡Core Values

Core values are the fundamental beliefs and principles that guide an individual's actions and decisions. The video emphasizes the importance of identifying and committing to one's core values, such as growth, honesty, and kindness, as a way to prioritize personal integrity over the opinions of others.

💡Validation

Validation in this context refers to the approval or acceptance sought from others, often through social media or external sources. The video discusses the negative impact of seeking validation, such as addiction to social media, and how it can lead to a loss of self-confidence and authenticity.

💡Inner Circle

An inner circle consists of a select group of people whose opinions one values and trusts. The script suggests creating an inner circle as a strategy to focus on the opinions of those who matter most, but also warns of the potential trap of conforming to this group's expectations.

💡Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is the act of embracing one's own identity, including imperfections and unique traits, without shame. The video argues that self-acceptance is crucial for not being affected by others' opinions and for personal growth, as it allows one to start from an honest place about their current state.

💡Caring What Others Think

This phrase refers to the concern for the opinions, judgments, or evaluations of others. The video's main theme revolves around the impact of caring too much about what others think and strategies to reduce this concern in order to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

💡Crabs in a Bucket Syndrome

Crabs in a bucket syndrome is a metaphor used in the video to describe the behavior of individuals who try to pull others down when they attempt to rise above the norm. It illustrates the tendency of some people to hinder others' progress out of jealousy or a desire to maintain the status quo.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. The video encourages viewers to live authentically by not being overly concerned with others' opinions, which can lead to a more genuine and satisfying life.

💡External Validation

External validation is the need for approval or confirmation from outside sources, such as social media likes or the opinions of others. The script discusses the pitfalls of relying on external validation and suggests seeking internal validation and self-acceptance instead.

💡Personal Growth

Personal growth refers to the process of improving and developing as a person, often through self-reflection and learning from experiences. The video connects personal growth with the ability to care less about others' opinions, as it allows for more freedom to pursue one's own path and make changes.

Highlights

Caring about others' opinions is a natural instinct, but overdoing it can lead to an anxious and mediocre life.

The average person's life is often marked by obesity, divorce, and financial instability due to seeking safety in conformity.

Living for others' approval can cause a loss of natural confidence, energy, and joy for life.

Tony Robbins suggests reframing the goal to not let others' opinions stop you from living true to yourself.

The number one regret of dying people is not having the courage to live a life true to themselves.

Finding your passion can help you care less about others' opinions as your obsession outweighs the fear of being an outsider.

Family and friends may discourage you from pursuing your dreams, but it's essential to visualize your ideal day to stay motivated.

The 'crabs in a bucket' syndrome illustrates how negative judgments can hold you back from achieving your goals.

Creating an inner circle of trusted individuals can help you focus on valuable opinions and reduce anxiety about others' judgments.

Committing to core values like growth, contribution, and honesty can empower you to live authentically, regardless of others' opinions.

Honesty as a personal value can lead to unexpected positive reactions, as demonstrated by Andrew Stino's response to Mr. Beast's cookies.

Leaving the 'validation casino' by avoiding social media can reduce the need for external validation and help you focus on your goals.

Sad Guru's advice emphasizes that you should not let others' opinions control your happiness or unhappiness.

Andrew Tate's mindset shows that emotional control over others is lost when you let their opinions affect you.

Most people spend more time thinking about themselves than about you, making their opinions less significant than you might think.

Self-acceptance is crucial for personal growth, as you cannot change for the better without first accepting where you are.

Using the 'best friend trick' can help you accept your imperfections by considering the advice you would give to a friend in the same situation.

Self-acceptance does not mean complacency; it is the starting point for lasting and meaningful improvement.

Charisma University is a program that can help improve charisma and confidence, leading to better social and career outcomes.

Transcripts

it's not your fault that you care what

other people think it's a natural

instinct almost everyone has and it

feels Justified because if you truly

don't care at all what people think you

risk becoming a social outcast would you

please still be my friend no get away

from me okay the problem is if you care

too much about what other people think

it will lead you to an anxious mediocre

life the average person is obese likely

to be divorced and has less than 1K in

the bank it feels safe to do what

everyone else is doing but it's actually

a terrible decision there's also an

internal cost when you live for other

people's approval you lose touch with

your own natural confidence energy and

joy for life now this video is not about

becoming a narcissist and not caring at

all about other people so let's let Tony

Robbins reframe our goal I don't know

they ever stop caring completely people

say they don't care I think what they

really mean is I don't let it stop me

the number one regret of people who are

dying is I wish I'd had the courage to

live a life true to myself not the life

others expected of me so let's spend the

rest of this video going through how you

can do just that one way to stop caring

what other people think is to find your

fire you cannot care about everything at

a 10 out of 10 so if you want to stop

caring what people think find something

you care about more your obsession

outweighs the insecurity of being an

outsider exactly the first thing to

realize if you have people in your life

telling you not to pursue your dreams is

that you are not alone your father did

he live long enough to enjoy your

success yeah he kind of you know he he

really was disappointed by the by me

moving to Los Angeles he he really

wanted me to go to university you were

bullied for skateboarding like that

didn't exist absolutely Yeah by whom

like I imagine by anyone in my age

people at the age of 15 just can't

comprehend having drive and wanting to

work so you're just like this little

Outcast you're like ostracized from

society and you're weirdo loser every

step of the way if you have family or

friends telling you not to live life the

way you want to here's an exercise you

may find helpful visualize your ideal

day when do you wake up where do you

wake up what happens during your day

create a Clear Vision of your ideal life

it's easy to deal with people judging

your actions today if you know those

actions are moving you closer to a

future you're excited about and always

remember someone's negative judgment

might just be crabs in a bucket syndrome

you put a bunch of crabs in a barrel

every crab that tries to climb out of

the barrel there's another crab that's

going to grab that crab and pull him

back in eventually no crabs can get out

the barrel because they're all pulling

each other back down the second trick to

stop worrying about what everyone thinks

about you is to create an inner circle

only care about the opinions of a select

few chosen people you love and trust

this is how people like Bill bur feel

confident saying things they know some

people won't like if people bring it up

I just say you know not everybody's

going to like me yeah I I I don't know

what to tell you I don't need everybody

like I just need enough people I still

have that need to be liked so now I'm

like going up to my wife like you know I

haven't yelled in a while have you

noticed yeah am I a swell guy do you

like me so I still have that crushing

need to be liked this strategy sounds

good especially if you have a tight

group of people you respect but this

Inner Circle strategy can trap you into

that group's expectations and limit the

ways you'll allow yourself to grow it's

a great first step but not the end goal

the next level is to only give this

power to yourself and to do that you

need to decide your core values and

commit to caring about them more than

the opinions of other people this can

include things like growth contribution

fun Freedom or honesty this next clip is

an example of what it looks like to

commit to honesty instead of trying to

look perfect well scar you

everything everything not being in

control not knowing uh anticipation like

waiting for something to go

wrong I'm an addict to an alcoholic so I

have my ups and downs the ironic thing

is because it's so rare to meet someone

who isn't trying to fit in or impress

you when you do commit to your core

values it often makes people like you

just look at the reaction Andrew stino's

honesty gets in this next clip for

context Schultz is asking him what he

thinks of Mr BEAST's cookies what do you

think that look great

yeah they're

great my teeth fall out St on my my boy

feable bro you all don't don't say some

dumb like that those cookies are trash

as one quick note you don't have to be

that harsh to commit to honesty as a

personal value if you like this idea of

having core values it helps to sit down

and actually write what yours are then

read them several times every day like a

mantra I value growth honesty kindness

and fun more than fitting in remember

other people will come and go from your

life the only person you have to live

with every day is yourself so those are

three things you can care about more

than the opinions of other people your

future Vision Your Inner Circle and your

core values now let's talk about some

strategies to Simply care less about

what other people think without needing

to replace it with something else one

way to worry less about the Judgment of

others is to leave the validation Casino

I decided to delete my Instagram because

I just felt like I was so addicted to

this kind of false version of my life

that it was just taking over I would be

on set working I'd come and sit in my

chair and just scroll scroll scroll

scroll scroll and it was it was becoming

a problem I was just obsessed with it

and I was obsessed to find out what

people were saying and how people what

they thought about me every time you try

to get external validation you train

your brain to care what other people

think contrast that with sod gr's advice

on how to overcome the fear of being

judged and notice if anything surprising

stands out to you anybody can say what

they want anybody can do what they want

this like this only because I have not

given this privilege to anybody that

somebody can make me happy somebody can

make me unhappy somebody can make me

miserable right now you are a

consequence of other people's opinions

he doesn't let other people make him

feel unhappy or happy that's something

most people don't realize if you rely on

other people to feel good about yourself

you give them the power to make you feel

bad about yourself in making this video

I couldn't help but think of Andrew Tate

one of the most disliked people on the

planet I was curious how he remains

unaffected by the millions of of people

who hate him online his mindset is

surprisingly similar to sad Guru cuz

when you can emotionally affect somebody

you control them they can't emotionally

affect me they can't make me happy with

a video they can't make me sad with a a

video now again the goal is not to

completely stop caring about other

people you don't want to only care about

yourself and end up hurting other people

or treating them badly the goal is

simply to feel free enough to live the

life you want and pursue your dreams

while still being a kind empathetic

person after you leave the validation

Casino you'll realize something here's

the truth for most people most of the

time I feel bad for you I don't think

about you at all obsessing over someone

else's opinion of you feels silly when

you realize that most of the time

they're just thinking about themselves

and even if they are thinking negative

thoughts about you if you zoom out

you'll realize their opinions don't

matter anyway a friendly reminder that

in three generations everyone who knew

us will be dead including the people

whose opinions stopped you from doing

what you wanted all along this is not

meant to depress you but to inspire you

to live the life you want to live

there's a specific question I set as a

phone reminder that's helpful for

remembering this what will matter when

I'm 90 seeing this pop up on your phone

every day will help you realize what

truly matters to you the last way to

stop caring what people think is

self-acceptance a big reason you're

scared that other people are thinking

negative thoughts about you is because

you're afraid there's some truth to what

they're thinking like someone can say

something ridiculous about you and if

you know it's ridiculous it doesn't mean

anything but if it's got a hint of truth

you're like ooh often the reason you

care so much about what other people

think is because there are things about

yourself you're ashamed of so for

example you worry they'll think you're

weird because you think you're weird and

the Cure is to accept that you are weird

if you aren't ashamed of something you

won't care if people tease you about it

for example watch how munas reacts to

being teased for playing World of

Warcraft but now with expansion pack

they're going to have raids that only

require like 10 people oh good so it

make things a lot easier they're going

to streamline this is that change

Obama's been talking about oh it's such

a good game I love it other people

cannot make you feel shamed they can

only trigger you to make yourself feel

shame that shame comes from a misguided

sense that you're supposed to be perfect

you aren't perfect no one is there's no

embarrassment in struggle if you accept

yourself fully no one can ever make you

feel bad about yourself so now the

question is how can you accept yourself

in those moments when you don't feel

okay with your weirdness or your

imperfections you use the best friend

trick ask yourself what advice would you

give to your best friend in this

situation because you likely have more

grace and empathy for them than you do

for for yourself now some people are

afraid of self-acceptance because they

think it'll steal their motivation to

improve how can you be self-accepting

without becoming complacent because I

spent most of my life hating myself at

best tolerating myself for moments but

there was a lot of self-loathing driving

performance and I for a long time viewed

any type of self-acceptance as

complacency ironically this is the

opposite of true self-acceptance is

extremely important if your goal is to

grow and change because you cannot get

where you want to go until you admit

where you are I don't think you can

truly change for the better in a lasting

meaningful way unless it is driven by

self-acceptance I agree with that the

people who we see struggle the most with

improving their Charisma are the ones

who refuse to admit to themselves that

they aren't already charismatic their

friends don't respect them their dating

lives are bad they aren't getting the

jobs they want but they always blame it

on something external they can't grow

because they can't admit to themselves

that they need to grow so if you want to

grow and improve yourself start by

accepting where you are acceptance does

not mean I love where I am and I want to

stay here forever it means it's okay

that this is where you are today from

that place there's no limit to how much

you can improve if you specifically want

to improve your charisma and confidence

you might like our video program

Charisma University past members have

written us that after going through CU

they've seen social outcomes like more

friends and a better dating life and

career advancements like raises

promotions and new job offers even more

importantly you'll have more

self-confidence and higher self-esteem

if you want to learn more click the link

on screen or in the description below

either way I hope today's video has

helped give you the courage to stop

caring so much what other people think

and to more fully embrace your weird

Perfectly Imperfect true self