Why Do I Masturbate? | Reasons Why People Masturbate and Its Effects on the Brain | Dr. Doug Weiss
Summary
TLDRDr. Doug Weiss explores the reasons behind masturbation in his video, discussing its impact on present and future relationships. He explains the neuroscience behind the act, including the release of endogenous opiates and the creation of neurological attachments to stimuli. Weiss also addresses psychological dependencies, the potential for addiction, and the use of masturbation as a coping mechanism for stress or emotional pain. He encourages viewers to reflect on their motivations and offers resources for those struggling with sexual addiction or seeking healthier sexual practices.
Takeaways
- π§ Masturbation is a common but often unexamined behavior; Dr. Doug Weiss encourages self-reflection on why one engages in it and its impact on one's present and future.
- 𧬠The act of masturbation leads to the release of endogenous opiates, creating a powerful chemical experience in the brain that can be addictive.
- π Masturbation can create a neurological attachment to the stimuli used during the act, such as specific fantasies or images, which can influence sexual preferences and desires.
- π’ The script shares a story of a man who developed a boot fetish due to his masturbation habits, illustrating how strong psychological and neurological attachments can form.
- π Masturbation can serve as a means to fulfill psychological needs for feeling wanted, powerful, or in control, which can lead to a dependency on these feelings.
- π The physical release from masturbation can be a source of relaxation and sleep, with some individuals using it as a method to achieve rest.
- π Some individuals may use masturbation as a form of self-medication to cope with stress, grief, or other emotional challenges.
- π« Masturbation can be a means of avoiding real intimacy and emotional connection, as it allows for disconnection from the complexities of interpersonal relationships.
- π The concept of 'intimacy anorexia' is introduced, where individuals may withhold emotional and sexual intimacy from their partners, leading to feelings of isolation within a marriage.
- π Addiction to masturbation can occur, with individuals experiencing difficulty in stopping despite negative consequences, indicating a need for recovery support.
- π Dr. Weiss suggests resources such as the book 'The Final Freedom' and the website sexaddict.com for those struggling with sexual addiction, emphasizing the importance of seeking help.
Q & A
What is the main topic of Dr. Doug Weiss's discussion in the video?
-The main topic is understanding why people masturbate, its impact on their present and future, and the underlying reasons and effects of this behavior.
How does Dr. Weiss describe the neurological response to masturbation and orgasm?
-Dr. Weiss explains that during orgasm, the brain experiences the highest level of endogenous opiates like endorphins, which create an intense, pleasurable rush that is more powerful than any drug.
What is the concept of 'neurological attachment' as discussed by Dr. Weiss?
-Neurological attachment refers to the process where individuals associate the pleasurable feelings of orgasm with specific stimuli, such as certain fantasies, images, or scenarios, creating a strong desire to repeat those experiences.
Can the act of masturbation lead to the development of a fetish, according to Dr. Weiss?
-Yes, Dr. Weiss provides an example of a man who developed a boot fetish due to his unique masturbation experiences, illustrating how such attachments can form.
What is the 'gift of sex' as mentioned by Dr. Weiss, and how does it relate to bonding in a relationship?
-The 'gift of sex' is the powerful chemical, psychological, and spiritual bond that forms between partners as they engage in sexual activity, which can strengthen their relationship and attachment to each other.
How does Dr. Weiss suggest that masturbation can impact future relationships or marriages?
-He suggests that if individuals masturbate to unrealistic scenarios or fantasies, they may develop expectations that are difficult to fulfill in real relationships, potentially leading to dissatisfaction or failure in their marriages or future relationships.
What is the psychological aspect of masturbation that Dr. Weiss discusses in the video?
-Dr. Weiss talks about the psychological attachment that can occur during masturbation, where individuals may seek out certain feelings of being wanted, powerful, in control, or experiencing excitement and risk, which can lead to dependency on these feelings.
What does Dr. Weiss mean by 'sexual templates', and how are they formed?
-Sexual templates are the mental and emotional constructs that individuals develop based on their sexual experiences, including the type of fantasies or pornography they engage with, which can shape their sexual preferences and desires.
How does Dr. Weiss address the issue of masturbation being used as a form of self-medication?
-He explains that some people may use masturbation to avoid dealing with negative emotions or stress, which can provide temporary relief but does not address the underlying emotional or psychological issues.
What is 'intimacy anorexia', and how does it relate to masturbation according to Dr. Weiss?
-Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from a partner. Dr. Weiss suggests that some individuals may prefer masturbation over real sexual intimacy due to the emotional cost and complexity involved in the latter.
How does Dr. Weiss define sexual addiction, and what are the signs that someone might have this issue?
-Sexual addiction is characterized by an inability to stop or control the urge to masturbate despite negative consequences. Signs include repeated attempts and failures to stop, lying about the behavior, and a reduction in other social or physical activities due to the focus on masturbation.
What resources does Dr. Weiss recommend for individuals struggling with sexual addiction?
-Dr. Weiss recommends the book 'The Final Freedom' and suggests visiting sexaddict.com for resources, telephone groups, and counseling to help individuals in their recovery from sexual addiction.
Outlines
π€ Understanding Masturbation and its Impacts
Dr. Doug Weiss introduces the topic of masturbation and its impacts on present and future lives. He shares his extensive experience in taking masturbation histories, emphasizing the importance of understanding why one masturbates. He explains the powerful neurochemical experience of orgasm and how it creates neurological attachments to whatever is being viewed during masturbation. Weiss provides an example of a man developing a boot fetish due to his masturbation habits and discusses the importance of understanding the neurological and psychological aspects of masturbation.
π§ Psychological Attachments in Masturbation
Dr. Weiss delves into the psychological attachments formed during masturbation. He explains that beyond physical release, individuals often seek specific fantasies or pornography to fulfill psychological needs such as feeling wanted, powerful, or in control. Weiss notes that many start masturbating as teenagers, seeking solace and comfort in fantasies. He emphasizes the importance of understanding these psychological dependencies and their impact on one's sexual template and real-world attractions.
π Avoiding Real Intimacy through Masturbation
Weiss discusses how some individuals use masturbation to avoid real intimacy. By escaping to a fantasy world, they bypass the emotional complexities of real relationships. He highlights the phenomenon of intimacy anorexia, where individuals actively withhold emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from their partners. Weiss lists characteristics of intimacy anorexia and encourages those who resonate with these traits to seek more information and resources.
β οΈ Addiction and Masturbation
In the final segment, Weiss addresses the possibility of addiction to masturbation. He explains the signs of addiction, such as repeated failed attempts to stop, experiencing negative consequences, and reduced engagement in other activities. Weiss shares his personal experience of overcoming sex addiction and emphasizes the importance of recovery. He encourages those struggling with addiction to seek help and resources to achieve a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Weiss concludes by offering support and resources for individuals seeking assistance.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Masturbation
π‘Neurological Attachment
π‘Endogenous Opiates
π‘Prefrontal Cortex
π‘Sexual Template
π‘Psychological Dependency
π‘Afterglow
π‘Intimacy Anorexia
π‘Sexual Addiction
π‘Neuroplasticity
π‘Emotional Fitness
Highlights
Dr. Doug Weiss discusses the importance of understanding why individuals masturbate and its potential impact on their present and future.
Weiss has conducted more masturbation histories than any other man, providing unique insights into the behaviors and patterns of masturbation.
Masturbation can lead to the release of endogenous opiates, creating a powerful chemical experience in the brain.
Neurological attachment can form during masturbation, associating the act with specific stimuli or scenarios.
Anecdotal evidence illustrates how unusual scenarios during masturbation can lead to unexpected fetishes.
The chemical bond created during sexual release can strengthen relationships and contribute to marital stability.
Masturbation to unrealistic scenarios can set individuals up for failure in real relationships.
Masturbation can serve as a means of achieving physical release and relaxation.
Psychological attachment during masturbation can fulfill certain needs, such as feeling wanted or powerful.
The development of sexual templates through masturbation can shape an individual's sexual preferences and desires.
Neuroplasticity allows for the adaptation and change of sexual preferences formed through masturbation.
Masturbation can be used as a form of self-medication to avoid dealing with emotions or stress.
Individuals with certain mental health conditions may use masturbation to regulate their brain chemistry.
Avoiding real intimacy through masturbation can indicate a lack of emotional and sexual skills in real-life relationships.
Intimacy anorexia is identified as a potential consequence of avoiding emotional and sexual intimacy.
Chemical addiction to masturbation can develop due to the release of endogenous opiates in the brain.
Weiss shares his experience as a recovering sex addict and offers resources for those struggling with sexual addiction.
The importance of connection during sex is emphasized as a key to a satisfying and healthy sexual life.
HeartTark Counseling Center offers support and resources for individuals seeking help with their sexual health.
Transcripts
[Music]
hi i'm dr doug weiss and today's topic
is
why do i masturbate so many people
masturbate but they're very rarely do
they sit down and actually think why am
i doing this
how does this impact my present or my
future
we're going to address some of these
issues because there's several things
about masturbation that you can learn
about today
now
i've done more
masturbation histories which mean
asking men and women when they start to
masturbate what kind of frequency use of
pornography etc than any man in the
world
you're gonna learn a lot but you have to
stay tuned
[Music]
why do i masturbate that is very
important question for you to kind of
assess now i'm not in any way having a
judgment about this for you i want you
to relax
i just want to have an open conversation
with you about this
i've worked with thousands of men and
women who have had masturbation issues
and they had to discover the reason why
and what i found out is most people
never ask themselves why do i masturbate
well that's what we want to talk about
now before we get into that let's talk
about what happens when you masturbate
because this is exciting neuroscience
has really developed a lot over the last
15 20 years and now we know a lot about
what happens when you masturbate now
when you masturbate you have an orgasm
when you have an orgasm you get the
highest level of endogenous opiates um
keflan's endorphins etc hits the
excitement center of your brain the
prefrontal cortex and boom you get this
incredible orgasmic rush this thing is
better than any drug you can do orgasm
is the most powerful
uh chemical experience you will have
neurologically bar none okay
so
but what happens when you have that
chemical release whatever you're
physically looking at at the point of
that release you literally glue to
hunger for crave and want to repeat
so let's go back to pavlov's dog ring
the bell
feed the dog ring the bell feed the dog
and you actually set up a neurological
attachment
to whatever you are masturbating to
so imagine this now remember i've done
thousands of masturbation histories
men and women have masturbated to all
kinds of fantasies and fetishes and
objects and animals and crazy stuff
right so one guy
when he was masturbating
he was made fun of he lives on a farm
and the bed would make noise you'd go
bang bang bang bang bang everyone heard
it they'd laugh at him so he figured
another plan so he'd go outside past the
barn and he would masturbate we could
look up or look down well he was looking
down so he's looking down because
remember this is a young guy there's no
beer belly right in the way so he was
actually seeing his boots
well he created an entire boot fetish he
had a boot
collection so to speak from here to the
end of the stage probably six feet high
okay he never had sex without his boots
on he literally attached to the boots
during sexual encounters
now this story might sound funny to you
but i can tell you hundreds of other
stories of attaching to certain things
especially if you're getting into
pornography or fantasy and you can
create scenarios that are almost
impossible to recreate but you glue to
them you hunger for them you crave and
you want to repeat them
this is the gift of sex you know if
you're in a marriage you have sex with
your spouse and the more you have sex
with them the more you want to have sex
with them the more you attach to them
you connect to them you glue to them
it's that bond uh that chemical bond and
psychological bond spiritual bond that
can hold a help hold the marriage
together okay so this is the most
powerful thing you possess so you should
know why
you're using it and how to use it
because if you are starting to
masturbate to scenarios that you can
never fulfill well that's going to set
you up for failure in your marriage or
future relationships because you're
going to seek something that some person
made up in a studio that's not real it's
by actors and actresses so you want to
be really really careful but that's what
happens in your brain
now
the gift of
a sexual release is wow you get this
physical release oh
the afterglow okay and if you're a man
you get these chemicals sent to your
brain to put you to sleep and you sleep
like a baby that physical release is
real all of us who've ever had an orgasm
know that it's like wow it feels so good
so relaxing
okay and then that's the reason why some
people masturbate to get that chemical
feeling to get that after go feeling now
if you have a spouse and you're
masturbating
okay maybe you're using masturbation in
a different way and we'll get to that
now
the other thing that happens during
masturbation
is a psychological attachment now this
took me a while to figure out when i was
working with men and women that it
wasn't just the physical release
it was the messaging it was the voice of
the fantasy or the pornography of being
wanted
being powerful
being in control
being controlled
having excitement or risk connected to
sex they had all these kind of scenarios
psychological scenarios that that was
the only place they could get that need
met
and so they were getting a real need met
in a false way but they were literally
attaching to that scenario to that voice
of being wanted now remember most people
start masturbating as teenagers you got
pimples you're not that maybe popular
and so you go to the fantasy world for
solace for for hope for love for
encouragement to say that you're okay to
feel good maybe just even feel touched
if you're in a family where there's not
a lot of touch
you might just masturbate just to be
touched
okay so the psychological dependency can
really occur and you know that if it's
you it's already happening because
you're looking for a certain voice
you're looking for a certain scenario
again and again and again and again and
again and again
and
that would tell me that okay there's
some psychological interplay as to why
you're motivated to masturbate as often
as you do are to what you do because
when i do a masturbation history i not
only ask about the frequency okay which
is one factor i ask about what kind of
pornography or fantasy they have because
that tells me what they're
neurologically attached to and what
they'll be triggered to in the real
world so if you masturbate to a certain
physical type of person then you're
going to
want that type of person whether that
type of person in reality happens to be
a nice person or a good person or not it
won't matter because the features will
attract you to them because those are
the features that you masturbate to so
when you masturbate you are setting up a
sexual template and we actually have a
video on that
called sexual templates it's uh it's
quite long but it'll help you understand
how you create sexual templates and the
impact it can have on your life i would
strongly recommend that you get that if
if you want to further understand how
you create your own sexual preferences
how you create your own sexual desires
and i've had people who have spent
thousands
of masturbation times with one thing and
then they stop that and they move to
another type of sexual reinforcement
with a real person and we're able to
create a sexual happy satisfying life
with them so we're neuroplastic
sexually okay which means that you can
adapt and change and grow i see it
happen in every direction over 35 years
now
the
other reason that some people masturbate
is to medicate
when you masturbate to medicate you are
oftentimes
uh unable to feel feelings and so they
get all jacked up but if you masturbate
the feelings go away and you feel better
but you don't learn how to develop
emotionally there's a great book out
there called emotional fitness strongly
recommend that if you're using
masturbation to medicate
if you've been sexually abused abandoned
neglected have some kind of injury that
you are using
masturbation to medicate then that's
also another reason you might be uh
masturbating um if you are in a lot of
stress or in a situation where you're
feeling overwhelmed and don't know how
to deal with it or
sad or grief or
some kind of pain
and you're using masturbation to get out
of it that's possible another reality is
some people have bipolar manic
depression or psychothemic disorder and
they're chemically trying to
modulate their brain
it's not the emotions they're trying to
switch they're trying to switch their
brain and they found out in their teen
years if they masturbate they can either
go to sleep or they feel energized and
they're neurologically trying to
re-stabilize so if that's you you want
to see a psychiatrist and get on
something that can help you stabilize
without masturbation i remember i had a
client who was
trying to stop from masturbating
and he just wasn't successful and he
went to see a psychiatrist found he was
bipolar well as soon as he got on his
bipolar medicine he was able to resist
masturbating and actually maintain a
better relationship with his wife so
that's a reality for some people and you
might not have thought about that
now
another reason you might be masturbating
and this might be a little challenge for
some of you
is avoiding real intimacy because see
when you masturbate to fantasy and
pornography you don't need to have
emotional skills you don't need to be
emotionally present you need to look in
someone's eyes you don't need to manage
the interpersonal complexity of giving
them pleasure satisfying them finding
out what they need being able to do that
and receive pleasure at the same time
you just disconnect go to another world
it's all about you in the other world
you're worshipped it's all what you want
they say what you want they do what you
want in the real world you have to
negotiate
and your lack of skill in
intimate sexuality versus object
sexuality can make you want to avoid
real sex and actually prefer
masturbation i've worked with many men
and women who would rather masturbate
than have sex with their spouse because
sex with their spouse costs them
emotionally so if you're avoiding
emotional cost and intimacy then you
also might be struggling with intimacy
anorexia google that term
intimacy anorexia is the active
withholding of spiritual emotional and
sexual intimacy from your spouse you
might have sex but you're not making
love they're not feeling connected they
feel married and alone
and let me give you quickly those
characteristics you're too busy for your
spouse you blame your spouse you
withhold love you withhold spiritually
withhold
feelings you withhold sexuality or
disconnected during sexuality um
uh you will use anger or silence's way
to control you'll be critical towards
your spouse
sometimes you control our money but your
spouse will always feel like a roommate
i feel alone i feel like we're not
really married if you're having those
conversations google intimacy anorexia
there's lots of materials and books and
even other
youtube videos on that topic just check
into that if that is you
now lastly
you may have an addiction
because of the endogenous opiates that
hit your brain you could have a chemical
addiction to masturbation and if that's
combined with a psychological dependency
on that voice it's really really
something you want to address now do you
have an addiction let me ask you have
you tried to stop
have you tried to stop and failed
have you promised yourself to stop and
failed
have you had consequences your husband
or wife are angry or frustrated or they
feel disappointed when they find out
that you're lying about this again
okay but then you go back and use anyway
have you limited other activities like
you're not the person used to be you're
not as social or physically active or
other things because you're spending so
much time trying to get to the porn or
the masturbation
okay if you have an addiction
you know you do
okay i'm a recovering sex act i've been
sober for over 36 years i have not
masturbated in 36 years and i've helped
literally tens of thousands of people
get into recovery from sexual addiction
if you have a sex addiction not everyone
who masturbates does but you do know if
you do
you're going to need some help i
strongly recommend
start with this book the final freedom
go to sex addict scxaddict.com
there's lots of resources there's
telephone groups there's counseling
for you on this issue you don't have to
be stuck if you're using masturbation as
an addiction you really want to
get
that addiction in remission because it's
going to ruin your life it's going to
hurt you like any addiction alcohol
drugs sex food sex is something you can
be addicted to and and when you are
you'll need some path of recovery so
that you can really have the best sex of
your life so you can really be connected
emotionally and spiritually to the
person you're making love to you can be
present
now i can tell you i've worked with over
5 000 people
a lot of men
who when they
learn how to have sex correctly
and they're connecting to their spouse
they all come back to me about six or
eight weeks later and say dr weiss i'm
having the best sex of my life
i thought it was about positions and
places but really it's about connection
and when i bring my heart into the
sexual act with my spouse i feel more
satisfied after than ever before with
pornography or with prostitutes or with
other things that you could be addicted
to in sex addiction
so
i hope that our conversation today has
been helpful because masturbation is one
of those kind of taboo topics
so many people do it but no one talks
about it intelligently
and asks the question why are you doing
this
okay i hope you've discovered maybe some
ideas that can help you
to think through this if you need help
hearttark counseling center is here for
you
the phone number 719-278-3708
there's lots of resources if you just
want to talk to someone about your
process that could be really helpful
short term and long term now if you've
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sex life
until we see you again
take care
[Music]
you
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