The Key to Anal Sex?

00:00

welcome back to another episode of

00:01

spilling the tea with Dr T and Gabriel D

00:04

that's me and Laval that's her so the

00:08

Trio's back today we're going to be

00:10

diving into another topic and today it's

00:12

going to be the key to anos sex the key

00:16

to anal sex we're going to be talking

00:17

about something that I guess we have

00:19

touched on in the past a little bit but

00:22

what is the key to anal sex today we're

00:24

going to get to learn so many things and

00:27

details and I have a few questions for

00:29

you as always that's what I'm here for

00:31

and of course anal SE can be a

00:33

fulfilling experience for many but it's

00:35

very important to understand what's

00:36

going on prepare so you can make sure

00:38

that you're comfortable and have the

00:40

maximum amount of pleasure throughout

00:41

the process awesome so why is this topic

00:44

of anal sex is so important that we keep

00:46

talking about it over and over again

00:48

well I think it's so important because I

00:50

have so many patients that ask me about

00:51

it and I've had patients recently and

00:53

the past and also throughout my training

00:56

it was never really um educated the the

01:00

Family Medicine practice or residency

01:02

programs and it's such a taboo issue I

01:05

feel like I never knew anything about it

01:08

especially growing up I certainly wasn't

01:09

going to talk to my parents about it so

01:10

hopefully someone out there this video

01:12

reaches them and they're just looking

01:14

for some education or understanding on

01:16

how they can best prepare themselves and

01:18

make it as an enjoyable experience as

01:21

possible and hopefully today we're going

01:22

to get to learn a few of the things that

01:24

you learn with your experience exactly

01:26

and so really we're going to be diving

01:27

into this episode to discuss relaxation

01:29

how it is extremely important especially

01:31

for the receptive partner in anal sex so

01:34

that they can enjoy themselves and avoid

01:35

any irritation any pain any poor

01:38

outcomes we want to make this a good

01:40

experience for you so remember to relax

01:42

if you haven't already sit back relax

01:44

now and we're going to dive in to why

01:45

relaxation is so important I guess

01:48

that's the answer for the question

01:49

relaxation is key to animal sex yeah

01:51

because again this topic this idea

01:54

especially if it's your first time or

01:55

you're not really sure what's going on

01:57

can be very anxiety provoking and that's

01:59

going to result and a lot of tension all

02:01

over your body and you do not want to go

02:02

into this type of experience with

02:04

tension and you want to have fun you

02:06

want to enjoy yourself yeah so we're

02:07

going to help you learn to relax so you

02:09

can enjoy it to the maximum ability and

02:11

so what Anatomy should we know of course

02:13

we got to start with the basics so the

02:14

anatomy we need to know of course is the

02:15

anal canal and there are two sphincter

02:18

in this area one is an internal

02:20

sphincter and one is an external

02:21

sphincter the internal actually is not

02:24

voluntary it's created by something

02:25

called smooth muscle smooth muscle is

02:27

not something our brain can trigger on a

02:30

own by our Command to relax so it's not

02:33

something we can really do much about

02:34

you actually have to be relaxed yourself

02:37

you can't say all right it's time to

02:38

relax your body truly has to be relaxed

02:40

and then the external sphincter which is

02:42

made of skeletal muscle like the muscles

02:43

in your biceps or your legs those

02:45

respond to your control so you can

02:47

always use your control to relax that

02:49

muscle but still you do have to be quite

02:52

relaxed to be able to really allow it to

02:55

open up so to speak fascinating how the

02:57

body is connected our brain needs to be

02:59

really relax so our body also needs to

03:01

be in that relaxation mode exactly and

03:04

so why is this AA so sensitive so the

03:06

anal region is Rich in nerve endings and

03:08

so nerve endings are always going to be

03:09

responding to stimuli so touch sensation

03:12

temperature all of those things and

03:14

because there's so many nerve endings

03:16

it's going to make it very sensitive

03:17

that being said if it's tense or if it's

03:20

constricted in the anal region there's

03:21

going to be less nerve endings as it's

03:22

trying to protect itself and if there's

03:24

less nerve endings there's also going to

03:26

be less pleasure those nerve endings

03:28

need to be at their maximum you can have

03:30

your maximum pleasure and so what is the

03:32

game plan for relaxation before anal sex

03:34

first we want to aim for physical

03:36

relaxation again those skeleton muscles

03:38

in the pelvic floor and the perenium we

03:40

can control those so you want to try to

03:42

relax them with your brain with your

03:43

control as best as possible for some

03:45

people out there this can actually be

03:46

very difficult there's actually some

03:48

physical therapy available to some

03:50

patients that are not able to relax this

03:52

area because either trauma anxiety or

03:56

other past medical history issues can

03:58

make it extremely tight and difficult

03:59

for them to relax completely so if

04:01

you're out there and you're struggling

04:02

to relax that area you're not alone you

04:03

should definitely consider talking to

04:05

your doctor or a physical therapist

04:06

there are many treatment options to help

04:08

you walk you through the process of how

04:10

you can relax so you're able to enjoy

04:12

your sexual experiences I feel like

04:15

relaxation is going to be the main

04:16

character of our topic today but it's

04:18

important to point out that in order to

04:20

feel pleasure you need to be comfortable

04:22

exactly so that means comfortable in

04:23

your environment comfortable with your

04:25

partner comfortable with yourself too so

04:27

all those things need to be checked off

04:28

before going going forward with this

04:30

activity and again so now that you've

04:32

focused on the physical relaxation part

04:33

that you can control by trying to relax

04:35

those muscles that external sphincter

04:37

should then be responding because again

04:38

that is skeletal muscle like the muscles

04:40

we can control in our arms and legs next

04:42

you want to work on internal relaxation

04:44

because we need to relax that internal

04:46

sphincter which we can't necessarily

04:47

control so things like deep breathing

04:50

relaxing music making sure you're in a

04:52

calm environment can make a big

04:53

difference there as well create a mood

04:54

for yourself find a good playlist yeah

04:56

and then when you're ready for insertion

04:58

or your partner is ready for inser ition

05:00

you want to continue those same

05:02

activities so slow deep breaths gentle

05:04

breaths as well you don't want to make

05:06

too much of a fuss for yourself

05:07

techniques like deep breathing while

05:09

your partner is gradually and slowly

05:11

inserting is going to make a huge

05:12

difference in how you're able to respond

05:14

by relaxing during the initial process I

05:17

like that you mentioned gradually and

05:18

slow because this is something that we

05:19

keep talking in our videos and why hurry

05:22

exactly and the gradual insertion is

05:24

also going to help those fainters in the

05:26

anal Canal relax so it's sort of working

05:29

with your Brea breathing techniques to

05:30

ensure they able to relax you're able to

05:32

reach that pleasure Zone and enjoy

05:34

yourself and I feel like sometimes in

05:36

the middle of the rendevu we forget to

05:37

breathe so it's important to remember

05:39

that yes so it's also important like you

05:41

mentioned mental relaxation is also key

05:44

making sure you're keeping yourself calm

05:47

breathing that way you can just focus on

05:49

the pleasure and avoid any pain and

05:50

communicating effectively with your

05:52

partner about your boundaries things

05:53

you're comfortable with if this is your

05:55

first time if this is something that

05:56

you're not sure is going to work well

05:58

that's going to also put you at at ease

06:00

and let your partner know what your

06:02

limits are so that way you're both going

06:03

in this together with the same sort of

06:05

mentality both relaxed with the same

06:07

common goal and we never talk about

06:09

communication here in this channel

06:10

exactly and it's important to note that

06:12

anxiety is the ultimate sexual killer so

06:14

if you're going into your experience

06:16

with anxiety that can cause the release

06:18

of these fight ORF flight hormones that

06:19

may result in constriction and tension

06:21

in both spiners as well as the fact that

06:24

anxiety can cause a loss of erection and

06:26

a decrease in sexual desire libido so

06:28

want to avoid all of that if you're

06:29

feeling a little anxious maybe take some

06:31

time and definitely wait until that has

06:33

passed before going into a sexual

06:35

encounter especially if it's one that is

06:37

new or you're not sure how it's going to

06:39

go and does relaxation improve pleasure

06:41

yes you don't have to worry about

06:42

whether or not those nerve endings are

06:44

going to give you pleasure when you're

06:45

relaxed during anal sex you are good to

06:47

go the reason is is that when you're

06:49

relaxed those muscles in the anal cavity

06:51

specifically the internal and external

06:53

sphincter are going to release allowing

06:55

your partner to penetrate and to get

06:56

more surface area exposed to those nerve

06:59

IND the more nerve Indies exposed the

07:01

more likely you're going to experience

07:02

pleasure and not only that when you

07:04

relax the blood flow is going to

07:05

increase to the area more blood flow

07:07

similarly to those nerve endings is

07:08

going to result in more pleasure again

07:11

the muscles relaxing in the perenium

07:12

around the pelvic floor also going to be

07:15

more vascular and more responsive to the

07:18

pleasure that you're going to get from

07:19

friction during intercourse so

07:22

relaxation equals pleasure that's great

07:24

news if you're not feeling enough

07:26

pleasure in your sexual activity be more

07:29

relaxed easy to do right yeah and while

07:31

we're at it don't forget to add in some

07:33

lubricant that's going to only

07:34

facilitate further relaxation by

07:36

reducing that friction that can occur so

07:38

make sure your lube ready relaxed and

07:40

the pleasure should be on its way and is

07:42

relaxation important for prostate

07:44

stimulation yeah so for those of us that

07:45

have prostates relaxation is going to be

07:47

really important allowing the

07:49

penetrative finger device or partner to

07:52

reach the prostate and allowing that to

07:54

have more surface area as well the more

07:56

relaxed you are in the area the more

07:58

likely those Nerf fibers are going to

08:00

get stimulated and of course that's

08:02

again going to increase vasculature to

08:03

the area and increase blood flow so

08:05

relaxation is key to both anal sex and

08:08

prostate stimulation someone in comments

08:10

asked if everyone has a prostate great

08:12

question if you're a signed male at

08:13

Birth it's very likely you have a

08:15

prostate unless there's some sort of

08:17

genetic problem or some very rare case

08:19

where someone is born without one but

08:21

many men have theirs removed if they

08:22

have a history of prostate cancer or

08:24

other medical conditions so not all men

08:26

have a prostate see keep asking us

08:28

questions we'll get to them right doctor

08:30

absolutely and what are some ways people

08:32

can build confidence around anal sex

08:34

focusing on overcoming fear and anxiety

08:36

is going to be step one a lot of people

08:38

have anxiety around anal sex because

08:39

they have fear of pain or discomfort or

08:41

the taboo around it or maybe they're not

08:43

quite ready yet and if you are not ready

08:45

that is completely okay that is number

08:48

one to identify and a number one concern

08:50

to bring to your partner communication

08:52

just as saying that is the most

08:54

important thing to consider right up

08:56

there with trying to overcome your

08:57

anxiety and fear that's because if

08:59

you're you're not communicating

09:00

effectively especially before sex you're

09:02

certainly not going to be communicating

09:03

well during sex and very unlikely to be

09:05

communicating better after sex so make

09:08

sure you are able to address your

09:10

anxiety and fear first and then you want

09:12

to make sure you're communicating

09:13

effectively and that being said it's

09:15

important to also communicate with

09:16

yourself if you're not sure how you feel

09:18

in the situation always go towards that

09:20

negative side right I usually say focus

09:22

on the positive but if you're unsure you

09:24

always want to say no you always want to

09:26

go to something that is going to prevent

09:28

you from making a choice that could put

09:31

you in pain due to the fact that you

09:33

haven't quite overcome those concerns

09:35

you have in your head absolutely I think

09:37

when going to sex you should be the

09:39

priority yeah at first you need to think

09:41

about yourself and then once you're with

09:42

your partner and the activity has

09:44

started then it's about you both

09:45

together yes exactly sex is meant to be

09:47

fun it's meant to be pleasurable it's

09:49

meant to be a positive experience and as

09:51

you build those positive experiences

09:53

you're going to build more confidence in

09:54

yourself and your sexual abilities and

09:56

never get discouraged it's really

09:57

important to remember that it can take

09:59

some time to get comfortable and every

10:00

step forward is a success are there any

10:03

risks to non relaxing to be frank yes

10:05

and we can break these into the physical

10:07

risks associated with the anatomical

10:09

areas that the risks are present in and

10:11

so you want to think about the internal

10:12

sphincter which we talked about the

10:13

external sphincter the mucosal lining as

10:16

well as the anus itself and the pennium

10:18

and what happens to the internal

10:19

sphincter if we do not relax so if the

10:21

internal sphincter remains tense or if

10:23

it's forcibly stretched this can of

10:25

course result in pain but we want to

10:26

worry about the medical conditions

10:28

associated with that such as as tearing

10:29

or anal fissure or hemorrhoid and we're

10:32

going to get more into those diagnosis

10:33

and what they actually mean later but

10:35

those are two things that can result if

10:37

you're not able to fully relax and that

10:39

internal sphincter becomes irritated wow

10:41

that's crazy and in contrast if this

10:42

occurs in the external sphincter if it's

10:44

forcibly stretched or if it's too tense

10:47

it can result in different medical

10:48

conditions something called anal

10:49

incontinence or painful spasms wow so

10:52

relaxation really is important not only

10:54

for pleasure but for our health too

10:56

exactly and remind me what is the mucose

10:58

aligning the the mucosal lining in the

11:00

anal cavity is actually made up of a

11:01

bunch of cells those cells release a

11:03

very very small amount of fluid which

11:05

could be considered lubricant and the

11:07

main goal is to help remove any excess

11:09

debris and to keep the anal cavity clear

11:11

that does make sense and can this area

11:13

be damaged absolutely if you're not able

11:15

to fully relaxed those cells are going

11:16

to also be tense and of course they are

11:18

going to be lining the entire mucosa of

11:21

the anal cavity so if they were to get

11:22

irritated or inflamed it can result in

11:24

abrasions it can result in hemorrhoids

11:27

bleeding pain so of course again

11:29

relaxation is going to be key to all the

11:32

anatomical features uh in the anal

11:34

cavity and to have a great experience

11:36

yeah exactly and what is the perenium so

11:37

the perenium is the area between the

11:39

anus and the scrotum and so all of the

11:41

muscles there if they're forced to relax

11:43

or if they uh have too much friction

11:46

upon them they can experience trauma

11:48

making it more difficult for them to

11:49

relax in the future very similarly to

11:52

our brain muscles can remember trauma as

11:54

well and that can make it much more

11:56

difficult for future encounters to relax

11:58

and to make sure that you're able to

11:59

access the area and proceed with your

12:02

rendevu it's very interesting that our

12:04

body has a memory exactly all the areas

12:06

the organs the tissues the fibers in our

12:08

body do store memories not necessarily

12:11

the same memories we have in our brain

12:13

but their version of what a memory is

12:15

very similarly to the penum the anal

12:17

cavity opening so the anus is also going

12:19

to be very fragile when it comes to

12:21

needing to relax if it's too tense or

12:23

too tight trying to force it open or

12:26

trying to stretch in any capacity is

12:28

going to result in a lot of different

12:29

options as well including those anal

12:31

fissures hemorrhoids bleeding irritation

12:33

so from the opening of the anus all the

12:36

way through to that internal sphincter

12:38

everything needs to be relaxed so you

12:39

can really enjoy yourself and avoid any

12:41

pain or discomfort and what exactly is

12:44

an ano fizure so anes are small tears

12:46

that can occur in the anus that are

12:47

often going to result in severe pain

12:49

bleeding and discomfort crazy and these

12:51

can potentially be caused by receptive

12:53

anal intercourse if there's not

12:54

sufficient lubrication and sufficient

12:56

relaxation this excessive stretch that

12:58

occurs is going to cause damage to that

13:00

delicate mucosal lining which thus

13:02

results in the tearing while there are a

13:04

lot of topical over-the-counter options

13:06

to treat them like topical anesthetics

13:09

lidocaine sits bath stool softeners

13:12

often times they result in something

13:13

called a chronic fissure because they

13:14

won't heal they continue to worsen and

13:17

may even cause increases in more

13:19

fissures to occur that often times has

13:21

to be fixed surgically only because

13:23

you're not relaxed enough that's crazy

13:24

yeah and of course there's many

13:25

different causes for these issues but

13:27

relaxation can be a key opponent

13:29

especially if that is something that you

13:32

are not comfortable with yet and the

13:33

best way to either prevent them from

13:35

occurring or prevent them from coming

13:36

back is to ensure you have plenty of

13:38

lube and lots of relaxation and what are

13:40

hemorrhoids so hemorrhoids are swollen

13:42

blood vessels in the rectal area that

13:44

often lead to discomfort bleeding

13:46

itching and pain increased pressure or

13:48

friction during anal sex can aggravate

13:50

existing hemorrhoids to make them worsen

13:52

or just aggravate the veins that are

13:54

present there and cause new hemorrhoids

13:56

to form are there any treatments for

13:58

hemorrhoids yeah and so again you can do

13:59

over-the-counter options like stool

14:01

softeners sits bath there's even some

14:03

topical creams you can try but

14:05

unfortunately they can also worsen

14:07

getting so big that they do require a

14:08

surgical intervention and sometimes if

14:10

the pain is so severe that's the only

14:12

option as well wow but in general I will

14:14

say the majority of hemorrhoids may even

14:16

heal on their own and respond really

14:18

well to topical options and just because

14:19

you have hemorrhoids does not mean that

14:21

you can't participate in anal sex but if

14:23

you have any pain bleeding or discomfort

14:25

that's a reason to stop and wait till

14:26

they heal before you proceeded and what

14:28

is anoing Con

14:29

anal incontinence is the loss of control

14:31

over bowel movements due to excessive

14:33

damage at the external sphincter now

14:35

many people think this is very common

14:37

especially if they've never had anal sex

14:39

before they think if you try it once

14:41

it's going to result in anal

14:42

incontinence or if you do it repeatedly

14:44

it's going to result in anal

14:45

incontinence that is not true you can

14:47

have anal receptive intercourse many

14:50

many many many times before you have any

14:52

issue like this the problem is when you

14:53

have receptive anal intercourse and

14:55

you're not ready or that sphincter is

14:56

still too tight if it's too tight or

14:58

you're not relaxed you're going to cause

14:59

trauma to it and thus that's going to

15:02

increase your risk of developing this

15:03

problem right and there are ways to even

15:05

prevent it from occurring those keegle

15:07

exercise we talked about in previous

15:09

videos you can just strengthen the

15:11

perenium muscles or the muscles in the

15:13

pelvic floor by just tightening it's

15:14

sort of like that sensation like you're

15:15

holding on to try to stop yourself from

15:17

urinating I'm doing it right now and

15:19

help to keep it strong so that you can

15:21

avoid anal incontinence well if you

15:23

haven't seen our video yet about the Keo

15:25

exercise we give an explanation step by

15:27

step how to do it yeah so take a look

15:29

and in the most extensive cases

15:32

sometimes anal incontinence can result

15:34

in the need for surgical repair the good

15:36

thing is that surgery is typically

15:38

extremely successful and oftentimes

15:40

covered by insurance so that is

15:41

something to consider for those out

15:43

there that are concerned or want to talk

15:45

to a doctor about maybe having this

15:47

issue there are remedies that can help

15:49

improve your symptoms so you can get

15:51

back on track awesome it's reversible

15:53

it's reversible are there any tips that

15:55

we can recommend to help with relaxation

15:58

absolutely so you can start by

16:00

considering dilators so if you already

16:02

know on your own you're a tense person

16:04

maybe you have anxiety maybe you have

16:06

anxiety about going into a sexual

16:08

experience you've never had anal

16:09

intercourse before or you've tried it

16:11

and it didn't work so well for you you

16:12

can consider purchasing something called

16:14

a dilator they come in multiple sizes of

16:16

course you want to start small before

16:17

going large that's going to allow you to

16:20

prepare yourself and allow your body to

16:22

respond to something penetrating that

16:24

area teaching your body to properly

16:26

relax so that you can enjoy yourself

16:28

without any irritation or the risk of

16:30

any of these medical complications that

16:31

can occur secondly think about lubricant

16:34

there are many different options you can

16:35

try water-based and silicone based are

16:37

both great find one that works best for

16:39

you one that's going to help to maintain

16:42

that reduce friction so typically that's

16:45

going to be more of a silicone base for

16:46

more people because it's going to help

16:47

it to stay moist longer then you want to

16:50

communicate we've talked about this many

16:51

many times communication is key not only

16:54

with your partner but with yourself are

16:55

you ready if you're not sure talk to

16:57

yourself a little bit more and finally

16:59

when you're in the Act take breaks you

17:02

are allowed to tap out for a moment with

17:04

your partner maybe tell them ahead of

17:05

time you want to take some breaks you're

17:07

trying to get better at this you want to

17:08

make sure that it's a good experience

17:10

for everybody involved and that you're

17:11

ready to do it again in the future I'm

17:13

sure they'll be understanding if not

17:15

that's probably a red flag so take some

17:17

breaks give yourself some time so that

17:19

your body can adjust and be ready for

17:21

whatever comes next for lessons that

17:23

were learn today here start slowing and

17:25

gradual lots of lubricant three

17:28

communication communication is key and

17:31

four take breaks it's important to take

17:33

breaks drink some water and then go back

17:37

yeah listen to a song chill have a snack

17:40

you're in no rush take as long as you

17:43

need I love that sex is meant to be fun

17:45

pleasurable and

17:47

relaxing we

17:49

match so hopefully you learn to embrace

17:52

some relaxation strategies and tips

17:54

before your next anal encounter that way

17:56

you can make sure you are achieving as

17:58

much pleasure with as little discomfort

18:00

and pain as possible hopefully this was

18:02

a somewhat entertaining video for you it

18:05

is meant to be a laid-back discussion

18:07

about a topic that is quite taboo if you

18:09

have other things you'd like us to talk

18:11

about please leave them in the comments

18:12

below we really do enjoy investigating

18:15

these issues talking about them together

18:17

if you haven't already please subscribe

18:20

the channel like the video share if you

18:22

want comment if you have any questions

18:24

or comment if you have any

18:26

recommendations but thank you for

18:28

watching look forward to see you the

18:29

next time and see you next week next

18:31

week bye you have superpowers really

18:35

what superpower do I

18:37

have you have many

18:40

superpowers so many you just can't think

18:43

of them no I just cannot say them

18:45

because this is YouTube Oh have super

18:48

powers in bed oh