Overcoming the fear of failure | Dan Hagen | TEDxNicoletCollege

Summary

In this inspiring talk, the speaker shares their journey of overcoming the fear of failure, from avoiding high school basketball tryouts to embracing challenges in college and beyond. They discuss the impact of Brené Brown's 'Daring Greatly' and the importance of resilience in the face of shame. The speaker also humorously reflects on their own failures and the lessons learned, encouraging others to dare greatly.

Takeaways

• 🏀 The speaker initially avoided trying out for high school basketball due to the fear of failure and being cut from the team.
• 😔 A pattern of avoiding challenges emerged from high school through college, driven by a fear of failure and a desire to avoid embarrassment.
• 📚 Academically, the speaker chose not to push themselves, associating effort with the potential for failure and judgment.
• 🤝 In social situations, the speaker held back from being vulnerable or authentic, fearing rejection as a form of failure.
• 📚 The speaker's perfectionist tendencies were influenced by high-achieving parents and siblings, which contributed to their fear of failure.
• 📖 The book 'Daring Greatly' by Brené Brown had a profound impact on the speaker, encouraging them to embrace the arena of life rather than observing from the sidelines.
• 💪 The speaker began to change their approach to life after reading the book, participating more in class and embracing their authentic self.
• 🎓 Post-college, the speaker took bold steps such as going on a solo trip and pursuing a career in journalism, demonstrating a shift from fear to daring greatly.
• 🎤 The speaker still faces moments of fear and shame, such as during an open mic event where they performed poorly, highlighting that the journey of overcoming fear is ongoing.
• 😳 The importance of shame resilience is emphasized, suggesting that self-worth should not be tied to performance but to the courage of participation.
• 😂 The speaker concludes with an attempt at stand-up comedy, embodying the message of the talk by daring greatly and being willing to fail publicly.

Q & A

What was the speaker's main concern during high school?

The speaker was primarily concerned about the fear of failure, particularly in the context of sports like basketball and soccer, where the risk of being cut from the team was a significant source of anxiety.

Why did the speaker choose to play cross country instead of soccer in junior year?

The speaker chose cross country over soccer in junior year because there was a fear of not making varsity in soccer, which would have been embarrassing. Cross country was seen as a safer choice because one cannot be cut from the team.

How did the speaker's fear of failure extend to academics and social life?

The speaker's fear of failure affected academics by not fully trying in school, rationalizing that not trying meant not failing. In social life, the speaker avoided being vulnerable or authentic to prevent rejection, which was perceived as a form of failure.

What book and author had a significant impact on the speaker's life?

The book that had a significant impact on the speaker's life was 'Daring Greatly' by Brené Brown. The book helped the speaker to overcome the fear of failure and to embrace the idea of daring greatly.

What is the quote from Theodore Roosevelt that the speaker found life-changing?

The quote from Theodore Roosevelt emphasizes that the credit belongs to the man who is in the arena, striving valiantly, and who dares greatly, even if he fails. It is not the critic or the man who points out how things could have been done better who counts.

How did the speaker's approach to life change after reading 'Daring Greatly'?

After reading 'Daring Greatly', the speaker began to participate more in class, embrace being authentic, and take risks such as going on a cross-country trip alone and releasing an album after college. The speaker started to value the act of striving and daring greatly over the fear of failure.

What is the speaker's profession and how did they get there?

The speaker is a news anchor at Channel 12. They got there by overcoming their fear of failure, participating in class, and eventually leaving a job to pursue a career in journalism, which they were passionate about.

What is the concept of 'shame resilience' as discussed by the speaker?

Shame resilience is the idea of not tying one's self-worth to performance but to the act of showing up and daring greatly. It involves understanding that failure is a part of the process and not a reflection of one's worth.

Why did the speaker decide to try stand-up comedy during the TEDx event?

The speaker decided to try stand-up comedy during the TEDx event as a way to walk the talk of what they had discussed about daring greatly and overcoming the fear of failure. It was a way to put themselves in the arena and demonstrate shame resilience.

What is the speaker's advice on overcoming the fear of failure?

The speaker advises to embrace the act of daring greatly and to not let the fear of failure or shame hold you back. They emphasize the importance of putting oneself in the arena, striving valiantly, and learning from both successes and failures.