I Wrote 100 Pages About Charisma, And I Found This.

Summary

The speaker recounts their journey from social misfit to a charismatic individual, inspired by a friend named Tom. They delve into the concept of 'Heart of Gold' and the importance of authenticity in conversations. The speaker emphasizes the power of active listening and having fun as key elements to being enjoyable to be around. They also share personal strategies for embracing authenticity, including therapy, positive thinking, and expressing thoughts openly. The script is a blend of personal experiences and research, aiming to inspire others to improve their social skills.

Takeaways

• 📚 The speaker compiled a nearly 100-page document after extensive research and personal experimentation to improve their social skills.
• 🤝 The speaker used to feel like a social misfit but through dedication and learning, they became more charismatic and better at conversing with people.
• 🔍 The document contains a mix of research findings and the speaker's personal experiences, showing how they applied the knowledge to their life.
• 🛠️ The speaker worked in customer service, which provided a platform to practice and refine their social skills.
• 💡 A significant realization was that the speaker was not always charismatic and had to overcome feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem.
• 🧐 The speaker discovered that having a 'Heart of Gold' mindset, characterized by genuine interest in others, was key to becoming more likable.
• 🎯 Changing personal goals from seeking approval to enjoying conversations and understanding others was a turning point for the speaker.
• 👂 Active listening was identified as a crucial skill that not only improved conversations but also led to deeper connections with people.
• 😁 Authenticity was found to be more important than trying to force likability; being genuine and true to oneself is attractive to others.
• 🌟 The speaker emphasizes that being your positive self and allowing others to be themselves around you fosters warm and enjoyable interactions.
• 🚀 The speaker suggests that embracing therapy, positive thinking, gratitude, and expressing thoughts openly are steps towards authenticity and self-improvement.

Q & A

What was the initial motivation behind creating the nearly 100-page document?

The creator was a social misfit and wanted to improve their social skills, so they researched extensively and documented their findings and personal experiences to become more charismatic and better with people.

How did the creator's experience in customer service influence their social skills development?

Working in customer service for 2 or 3 years provided the creator with ample opportunities to practice and refine their social skills in real-life situations.

What was the significant realization that led to the concept of the 'Heart of Gold'?

The creator realized that a person named Tom, who was excellent with people, had a special mindset that made people enjoy being around him, which the creator termed as the 'Heart of Gold'.

What does the 'Heart of Gold' represent in the context of the document?

The 'Heart of Gold' represents a mindset and set of attributes that make a person naturally charismatic, which includes having a positive attitude, being a good listener, and being authentic.

Why did the creator change their goals and attitude towards becoming more charismatic?

The creator realized that seeking approval and being liked out of insecurity was not a sustainable or fulfilling goal. Instead, they aimed to enjoy conversations and understand people, which led to more meaningful interactions.

What is active listening, and how did it help the creator in their journey to become more charismatic?

Active listening is a way of engaging with someone that shows you truly understand and value what they are saying. It helped the creator by making conversations more enjoyable and unique, as people felt genuinely heard.

What common trait did the creator find among the people they studied to be charismatic?

Authenticity was the most common trait found among charismatic people. Being genuine and true to oneself made others feel comfortable and at ease.

Why did the creator initially struggle with authenticity?

The creator initially struggled because they were forcing themselves to act in ways they thought would make them likable, which came off as fake and unnatural.

How did therapy and studying certain individuals contribute to the creator's authenticity?

Therapy helped the creator address underlying issues and improve self-esteem. Studying individuals like Carl Rogers and David Hawkins provided insights into the importance of being one's positive self and the benefits of authenticity.

What practical steps did the creator take to become more comfortable with being themselves?

The creator started by thinking more positively, practicing gratitude, and expressing their thoughts openly without fear of judgment. This helped them become more comfortable with their authentic self over time.

What advice does the creator give about the role of experience in learning to be more charismatic?

The creator emphasizes that the best teacher is experience and encourages continuous learning and self-improvement, suggesting that the process is ongoing and requires practice.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Journey to Charisma: Self-Discovery and Social Skills

The speaker recounts their transformation from a social misfit to a charismatic individual through extensive research and personal experimentation. They compiled a nearly 100-page document after studying numerous lectures, studies, books, interviews, and courses. The speaker's experience in customer service allowed them to practice and refine their social skills, leading to the discovery of the 'Heart of Gold' mindset, which is key to charisma. The speaker emphasizes the importance of changing one's goals and attitude towards social interactions, focusing on having fun and genuinely understanding others through active listening. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's realization of the significance of authenticity in becoming more likable and charismatic.

05:02

😄 Embracing Authenticity: The Path to Genuine Connections

In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the concept of authenticity as a cornerstone of charisma. They share their initial struggles with inauthentic attempts to be likable, such as forcing smiles and compliments, which ultimately felt fake and ineffective. The speaker then discusses the profound impact of being genuine and true to oneself, drawing on the teachings of Carl Rogers. They highlight the importance of allowing oneself to be vulnerable and expressing one's true thoughts and feelings. The speaker's journey includes seeking therapy and embracing a positive self-image, which led to a more natural and enjoyable social life. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's advice on practicing authenticity, such as speaking one's mind and expressing gratitude, as a means to improve social interactions and personal well-being.

Keywords

💡Charisma

Charisma is a quality that makes someone naturally attractive and enjoyable to be around. In the video, the speaker discusses their journey to become more charismatic by studying various resources and experimenting with their own social interactions. The concept is central to the video's theme, as the speaker aims to share insights on how to improve one's social skills and become more likable.

💡Social Misfit

A social misfit is someone who struggles to fit in or connect with others in social settings. The speaker identifies themselves as a former social misfit, highlighting their initial challenges in social interactions. This term sets the stage for the speaker's transformation and the lessons they learned to become more charismatic.

💡Document

The document mentioned in the video refers to a nearly 100-page long compilation of research, personal experiences, and observations that the speaker created to understand and improve their social skills. It serves as a testament to the speaker's dedication to self-improvement and is a key element in their journey towards becoming more charismatic.

💡Active Listening

Active listening is a communication technique where the listener fully engages with the speaker, demonstrating understanding and empathy. The speaker emphasizes the importance of active listening in making conversations more enjoyable and meaningful. It is a key component of the speaker's strategy for becoming more charismatic and understanding others.

💡Goals and Attitude

The speaker discusses the importance of having the right goals and attitude in social interactions. Initially, they sought to be liked and approved by others, but they realized that this was driven by insecurity. They shifted their focus to having fun and understanding others, which they found to be more fulfilling and effective in building connections.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being genuine and true to oneself. The speaker identifies authenticity as a crucial trait in being charismatic. They emphasize the importance of being oneself and not forcing behaviors like smiling or giving compliments, which can come across as insincere. Authenticity is portrayed as a natural and attractive quality that enhances social interactions.

💡Heart of Gold

The 'Heart of Gold' is a term coined by the speaker to describe a mindset that makes someone naturally likable and approachable. The speaker attributes this mindset to a friend named Tom, who was excellent with people. The concept is used to illustrate the kind of attitude and behavior that can make someone more charismatic.

💡Customer Service

The speaker mentions working in customer service for the past 2 or 3 years, which provided an opportunity to practice and improve their social skills. This context is significant as it shows how real-world experience can be a valuable tool in developing one's charisma and interpersonal skills.

💡Conversation

Conversation is a recurring theme in the video, with the speaker discussing how to make conversations enjoyable and meaningful. They emphasize the importance of listening to understand rather than just to respond, and they explore the idea of having fun and engaging conversations as a way to be more charismatic.

💡Insecurity

Insecurity is a feeling of being incomplete or unworthy, which the speaker initially associates with their desire to be liked and approved by others. They recognize that this insecurity was a barrier to their charisma and worked to overcome it by focusing on enjoying conversations and understanding others.

💡Therapy

The speaker mentions therapy as a tool that helped them become more authentic and comfortable with being themselves. This highlights the role of professional support in personal development and self-improvement, particularly in the context of building self-esteem and overcoming insecurities.

Highlights

The author used to be a social misfit and wrote a 100-page document after extensive research and personal experimentation to improve social skills.

The document includes a mix of research findings and the author's own experiences, with a focus on practical application in customer service.

A realization that being charismatic involves more than just being liked; it's about enjoying conversations and not seeking approval.

The concept of 'Heart of Gold' mindset is introduced as a key to charisma, which involves having certain attitudes and behaviors.

Active listening is highlighted as a crucial skill for improving conversations and understanding others.

The importance of authenticity in conversations is emphasized, as people are naturally attracted to those who are genuine.

The author's personal journey from feeling anxious and lonely to becoming more charismatic through self-improvement.

Inspiration from a friend named Tom, who was excellent with people and had a unique 'Heart of Gold' mindset.

The ineffectiveness of generic advice like smiling and giving compliments when not done authentically.

The author's discovery that being yourself and being okay with it is a monumental task that leads to personal growth.

The role of therapy in helping the author to be more authentic and comfortable with being their positive self.

Practicing gratitude and positive thinking as a way to change one's attitude and improve social interactions.

The idea that forcing oneself to act likable can come off as fake and is not as effective as being genuine.

The author's strategy of saying nearly everything that comes to mind, within reason, to become more comfortable with being authentic.

The transformative effect of authenticity on the author's life, making conversations more fun and unique.

The video's call to action for viewers to subscribe for more content on personal growth and social skills.

Transcripts

have you ever wondered what it is about

someone that just makes them really

enjoyable to be around and to talk to I

used to be a social misfit and pretty

much no one wanted me around so

naturally I wrote a document that's

almost 100 pages long after looking at

countless lectures Studies books

interviews and courses and even

experimenting on my own doing so I made

some very surprising discoveries like

just how much advice is wrong as well as

two of the most straightforward ways I

used to become more charismatic and

better with

people oh lord it's good to be here with

you Mr

right so what does a nearly 100 page

document look like well it's long pretty

long and it needed a lot of bookmarks

cuz I wasn't going to spend 3 days

finding what I wanted to work on yeah

now of course there's loads and loads of

research in here but there's also a lot

of my own experiences and how I found

that research to apply into my own life

working in pretty much only customer

service for the past 2 or 3 years made

it very easy to practice my social

skills I would say now I'm fairly

charismatic I mean I strike up

conversations with completely random

people and the document was a big help

and in it I found out what worked and

what didn't and it was all thanks to the

one big realization that I made you know

I wasn't always super swag and super

cool I used to be awful with people I

had barely any friends in high school

and I didn't get invited to most things

I got cut off a lot and no one listened

to me I felt anxious and lonely and I

had basically no self-esteem it was bad

right going to the shops for me was like

climbing Mount Everest for an ant with

one leg so one night I got pretty drunk

I only just started riding up the

document at this point so my social

skills were only just starting to get

better I was hanging out with this guy

that I worked with let's just call him

Tom and he was an amazing person

excellent with people was just something

about him I enjoyed being around him and

so did everyone else it seemed it was

like he understood people he made people

feel happy I wondered what it was about

him so I asked I asked him who raised

you and he goes myself I'm an

orphan so it turned out this guy doesn't

have parents it's pretty embarrassing

right but he wanted to say that he

doesn't think there's anything special

about him what a humble guy but it

didn't help it inspired me to go ham on

that document because when I talked to

him longer I think I figured it out I

realized that Tom has different goals

from you and I he has a special mindset

and I called this mindset the Heart of

Gold it's something I found massively

helped me out when I wanted to get

better at talking to people which is

awesome but what the hell does that even

mean people naturally gravitate towards

other people that have these kinds of

attributes that seems like a lot because

it is it's a lot that's a part of

Charisma there's a lot going on in it

because it's not a thing you can have

it's rather a result of having a certain

attitude and behavior as well as good

communication skills so the document

helped me narrow everything down into

the definition of a heart of gold making

it way easier for me to become more

charismatic so what exactly did I do

well let's dive into the two and a half

things that I did to become more

charismatic he can you land on your back

just like down one of the really big

things I did was I changed my goals and

attitude I asked myself a really big

question why do you want to be more

charismatic most people purely want to

be like liked or they want approval from

others this comes from insecurity

because they feel incomplete I felt

incomplete I realized that no matter how

many people liked me or how much they

liked me it would never fill that ho and

with that as my main goal I would have

gotten nowhere I'd be like a donkey with

a carrot in front of it so then I asked

myself another question what is the

point in trying to be liked if I'm not

even enjoying the conversations I'm

having why don't I just talk to others

to have fun why don't I just chill out

who cares if they don't like me how

could they hate me if I just wanted to

have a good time that was a really

effective goal that I found that Tom had

but what does a fun conversation look

like and how do you even get that we go

day by day battling life on our own with

barely anyone to talk to us but there

are people out there that make it better

and dramatically easier just by being

there but how I thought that just

listing to people was enough but I

realized that people don't want me to

just listen to them that's rude they

want me to understand them that's what

listening is about but how that's when I

came across something called active

listening which is a way of listening to

someone which basically makes almost

everything better it's something that

you can practice too I got really good

at doing this thanks to a guy called KL

Rogers I should make a video about this

maybe what what if I already have oh God

when people knew they were being heard

sometimes they said the most out of

pocket or interesting stuff not only did

I learn so much more as a person but it

made conversation so much more fun and

unique because the other person when

they understood that I was listening to

them properly they would just go ham

they'd say whatever and I believe that's

what makes up a good conversation so I

changed my goals to not only having a

chill and fun time but also to

understand people but I was still

missing something something that through

my research I found was vital to be

actually remotely charismatic and I

found it to be the most common trait

among the people that I studied I want

you to see if you can guess what it is

and he's a clue I'm doing it right now

now this is something that really sticks

out when you do it and I first

encountered in high school long before I

started this document I made a friend

who I'm still friends with now he was

really fun to be around when I met him

and most people agreed yet he didn't

seem to do anything special he wasn't

constantly cracking dumb jokes and he

wasn't loud and annoying actually

sometimes it was pretty blunt but he was

still a joy to be around why what that

doesn't make any sense now when I

thought I understood it I tried using it

and it didn't work it made me look like

a complete clown so if you want my

advice don't do it unless you really

commit to it then you can do it this

worked really well once I understood it

completely but it was still pretty hard

to do yet it led to one of the biggest

chapters in the document that I wrote up

and it changed my life too man like wow

okay so you know the generic advice you

get on the internet like smile Lots give

compliments have good eye contact I did

that and it really didn't work and

that's because I was forcing myself to

act like a likable person we're

hardwired to really hate fake people

even if we don't know why we end up

hating them okay so did you guess what

it is cuz I kind of need to tell you

what it is now that's right it's

authenticity I was trying to be myself

and most of this part of the video is

unscripted it's just talking points

that's all but how can you be more

authentic what does that even mean and

why is it so good I mean what is that a

game from being really vulnerable and

weird right it doesn't make any sense

you have to be normal I realize that

people aren't actors people love being

around other people who are themselves

and this is because they feel warm

comfortable like they can be themselves

as well they think if they can do it I

can do it and this makes with some

really fun conversations people get real

that's what we need Carl Rogers also

talked about the amazing effects that

happen when you be your positive self

around people not only did I make

friends easier but it just made my life

easier I wasn't stressing about how to

act all the time and it just made

everything happen naturally and people

love this stuff because when it's real

it matters okay so how did I do this how

did I achieve this Monumental task of

just being myself and being okay with it

well first of all I got therapy I'm

going to be honest here don't just rely

on the internet for this stuff that

helped the most researching people like

David Hawkins and K young really helped

me be my positive self another thing I

did was instead of forcing myself to

smile I gave myself a reason to I

thought more positively I saw the good

in things and I practice gratitude and I

know this might sound ridiculous but I

just started saying nearly everything

that came to my mind within reason

instead of just letting it float around

in my head and calling myself an idiot

if I even thought about saying it

everything from outof pocket questions

to funny remarks or just greeting

someone that I haven't greeted yet even

if I thought it might be a bit weird too

this worked really well like really well

I started to get more comfortable with

being myself because I saw that it

wasn't so bad one baby step at a time it

came to me that a life that you're

living where you're not yourself in my

opinion is wasted being myself at the

start was really hard but over time it

got a bit easier and now I'm way more

capable as a person than I was before

now of course I could go super into

depth about everything I talked about

but then the video will be 15 weeks long

and 7 days just remember that the best

teacher is experience I'm not going

anywhere though so please subscribe and

I'll be uploading whatever the hell I

feel like it next week I'll be next it's

next week