The Power of Positivity | Guy Katz | TEDxZurich

Summary

The speaker, a descendant of Holocaust survivors, shares powerful life lessons on positivity and communication. Drawing from personal history and scientific research, the talk emphasizes the impact of a positive attitude, the importance of first impressions, the multi-sensory approach to human interaction, and the significance of remembering details in fostering meaningful relationships. The speaker advocates for assertive communication, highlighting the success of empathetic and driven individuals who excel in positivity.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The power of positivity and a positive attitude can significantly influence one's success and survival, as exemplified by the speaker's grandfathers who survived the Holocaust.
• 💪 Happiness and positivity often precede success, with studies showing that happy employees are more productive and creative.
• 👀 First impressions are crucial and can be formed in just a tenth of a second, impacting how we interact with others.
• 👃 The multi-sensory approach, utilizing all human senses, can enhance positivity and memory, with smell being particularly powerful in triggering emotions and memories.
• 🏠 The environment and small details, such as the scent of fresh bread in an apartment, can greatly influence people's perceptions and decisions.
• 📈 Positive communication and remembering details can create memorable experiences that foster long-term relationships.
• 🤝 Assertive communication, which is respectful and clear, is the most effective for building and maintaining positive relationships.
• 🚫 Avoiding negative language and finding positive alternatives to 'no' can make communication more pleasant and productive.
• 🤔 Listening is a key component of successful communication, with many top salespeople spending more time listening than speaking.
• 🌱 Positivity is not just an innate trait but can be cultivated and is supported by scientific evidence.
• 🌈 Drive, empathy, and positivity are interconnected and are essential qualities of great communicators and salespeople.

Q & A

What year is the script set in, and what significant event is it referencing?

The script is set in the year 1941, referencing the Holocaust and the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp.

What is the speaker's connection to the Holocaust?

The speaker has a personal connection to the Holocaust as all four of their grandparents were Holocaust survivors, with two surviving Auschwitz.

What advice did the speaker's grandfather Arya give for surviving difficult situations?

Arya advised always smiling and saying 'yes' to any task given by the Nazis, no matter the conditions, as a way to survive.

What is the significance of the name 'Arya' in the context of the script?

Arya means 'Lion' in Hebrew, symbolizing strength and resilience, which is reflective of how the speaker's grandfather survived Auschwitz.

How did the speaker's grandfather's positive attitude impact his life after the Holocaust?

His positive attitude made him one of the most driven and empathetic people the speaker has ever met, and it made him instantly likable to others.

What is the connection between positivity and success according to the script?

The script suggests that positivity and happiness precede success, with happy employees showing higher productivity, sales, and creativity.

What is the first aspect of positivity discussed in the script?

The first aspect discussed is the power of first impressions, which can form in as little as a tenth of a second.

How does the multi-sensory approach enhance positivity?

The multi-sensory approach enhances positivity by engaging more senses, which can trigger stronger memories and emotional responses.

What role does the sense of smell play in memory and positivity?

The sense of smell is the most potent trigger of memory, with studies showing that we remember things we smell much better than things we see.

How can the power of all human senses be utilized in a sales context?

In a sales context, engaging multiple senses, such as the smell of fresh bread in an apartment, can make potential buyers feel more at home and increase the likelihood of a sale.

What is the importance of remembering details in building positive relationships?

Remembering details shows attentiveness and care, creating memorable and positive experiences that can make people fall in love with a person or a brand.

What are the three types of negative communication mentioned in the script?

The three types of negative communication mentioned are passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive communication.

What is the only healthy and positive form of communication discussed in the script?

The only healthy and positive form of communication discussed is assertive communication.

How can the way we use our bodies in communication impact our relationships?

Using our bodies to signal equality and partnership, such as sitting next to someone or using round tables, can build more respectful and long-term relationships.

What is the importance of listening in effective communication?

Listening is crucial in effective communication as it shows respect and attentiveness, allowing for better understanding and connection with others.

How can saying 'no' be reframed in a positive way in communication?

Saying 'no' can be reframed by focusing on what is possible or what could be done, offering alternatives instead of outright refusal.

What are the two key traits of a good salesperson according to the Harvard Business Review article mentioned in the script?

The two key traits of a good salesperson are drive and empathy.

How does the speaker summarize the essence of positivity in the script?

The speaker summarizes positivity as a science that is not magical, and as a fine thread that connects drive and empathy, making people fun to be around.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 The Power of Positivity and Survival

The speaker begins by setting the historical context of 1941 and the Holocaust, sharing a personal connection through their grandparents who survived the Auschwitz concentration camp. The story of one grandfather, Arya, who survived for over two years by maintaining a positive attitude and always being willing to help, is highlighted. The narrative transitions to the broader concept that positivity can lead to success and happiness, supported by research from psychologists like Victor Frankel and studies showing the benefits of happiness in the workplace. The speaker introduces the theme of positivity as a science and sets the stage for exploring ways to harness it.

05:02

👀 First Impressions and Multi-Sensory Positivity

This paragraph delves into the significance of first impressions, citing research that shows how quickly we form opinions about others and the impact of physical appearance on our interactions. The speaker uses the example of online dating apps to illustrate this point. The concept of a multi-sensory approach to positivity is introduced, emphasizing the role of all human senses in creating positive experiences. The olfactory sense is highlighted for its strong link to memory and emotions, and practical examples such as baking bread to sell an apartment are given. The paragraph concludes with a discussion on the power of a positive multi-sensory experience, such as serving a well-prepared caffeinated drink, which can lead to increased spending and satisfaction.

10:03

🌈 Leveraging Surprise and Memory in Positivity

The speaker discusses the Japanese scientist Noriaki Kano's insights on memorable experiences, focusing on the power of surprise and unexpected positive interactions. Examples such as a rental car company installing a child seat without being asked or a hotel remembering a guest's allergy are provided to illustrate how these unexpected gestures create lasting positive impressions. The paragraph also addresses the changing attitudes towards negative behaviors in the workplace and society, with a call from a New York Times article for a shift away from tolerating such behaviors, especially in the post-pandemic world.

15:05

🗣️ Communication Styles and Positive Interactions

This paragraph explores different communication styles, distinguishing between passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication. The speaker emphasizes the importance of assertive communication for building respectful and long-term relationships. Drawing from experience working with successful individuals, the speaker outlines strategies for positive communication, such as using body language to convey equality and partnership, actively listening more than speaking, and reframing negative messages into positive ones. The paragraph concludes with advice on avoiding negative words and focusing on what is possible, rather than what is not, to foster positivity in interactions.

🤝 Drive, Empathy, and the Connective Thread of Positivity

In the final paragraph, the speaker ties together the themes of drive, empathy, and positivity, suggesting that positivity is the common thread among successful and likable individuals. The speaker reflects on the importance of positivity in communication and personal interactions, using examples from their own life, including their grandfather and political figures they've met. The paragraph concludes with a call to action to 'unjerk' by leveraging first impressions, the five senses, remembering details, and eliminating negativity from our communication, emphasizing that positivity is a scientific approach to living and interacting with others.

Keywords

💡Auschwitz

Auschwitz refers to the Nazi concentration and extermination camp where millions of Jews and other minorities were murdered during the Holocaust. In the video, it is used to highlight the extreme conditions and the resilience of the speaker's grandfather who survived there by maintaining a positive attitude and always saying yes.

💡Positivity

Positivity is the central theme of the video, emphasizing the power of maintaining a positive attitude even in the face of extreme adversity. The speaker discusses how his grandfather's positive outlook helped him survive Auschwitz and how this principle can be applied to various aspects of life, including work and personal relationships.

💡First Impressions

First impressions refer to the initial perception formed about someone within a very short time. The video explains the importance of first impressions and how they are formed quickly, influencing how people are treated and how they treat others. This concept is tied to the broader theme of positivity and effective communication.

💡Multisensory Approach

The multisensory approach involves engaging multiple senses to create stronger, more memorable experiences. In the video, the speaker mentions how the smell of fresh bread can enhance the experience of viewing an apartment, illustrating how leveraging multiple senses can positively influence people's perceptions and decisions.

💡Assertive Communication

Assertive communication is described as the most positive and effective form of communication. It involves expressing oneself clearly and respectfully, without aggression or passivity. The speaker contrasts this with passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive communication, advocating for assertiveness as a way to build respectful and lasting relationships.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. The video highlights its importance in positive communication and successful interactions. The speaker recounts how Shimon Peres, by showing genuine interest and remembering personal details, exemplified empathy, making people feel valued and respected.

💡Drive

Drive refers to the motivation and determination to achieve goals. In the video, it is paired with empathy as the two key qualities that make a good salesperson. The speaker argues that a positive attitude fuels both drive and empathy, leading to greater success and more meaningful interactions.

💡Shimon Peres

Shimon Peres was a prominent Israeli politician who served as both Prime Minister and President of Israel. The speaker uses Peres as an example of positive communication, recounting how Peres treated everyone with respect and remembered personal details about people, which made a lasting impression and highlighted the power of empathy.

💡Victor Frankl

Victor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor who emphasized the importance of choosing one's attitude in any given circumstance. The speaker references Frankl's philosophy to support the idea that maintaining a positive attitude is a crucial element of resilience and success, even in the most challenging situations.

💡Positive Alternatives

Positive alternatives refer to the practice of reframing negative responses into positive ones. In the video, the speaker explains how successful communicators and salespeople avoid saying 'no' directly, instead offering alternatives that frame the situation positively, which helps maintain a positive atmosphere and fosters better relationships.

Highlights

1941年，一个犹太青少年在奥斯威辛-比克瑙集中营失去家人，通过积极态度和不断说“是”的方式生存下来。

讲述者有四位祖父母是大屠杀幸存者，其中两位在奥斯威辛生存了两年以上。

讲述者的祖父Arya通过总是微笑和说“是”在纳粹集中营中生存下来。

积极态度和价值感是生存的关键，纳粹也认识到Arya的可靠性。

成功导致幸福是一个误解，实际上幸福和积极态度先于成功。

研究表明，快乐的员工生产力平均高出31%，销售额高出37%，创造力是同事的三倍。

讲述者通过学校、军队和不同公司的工作经历认识到积极态度的重要性。

讲述者结婚时发现积极态度在人际关系中的重要性。

讲述者展示了一个图片，测试观众的第一印象，强调了第一印象的力量和危险。

普林斯顿心理学家Wilson Tadore的研究表明，形成对陌生人的印象只需十分之一秒。

外貌在人际关系中起着重要作用，但我们可以影响我们的着装和背景。

讲述者展示了Barbara David制作咖啡的场景，强调了多感官体验的力量。

研究表明，嗅觉是触发记忆的最重要感官，与情感和记忆位于同一大脑区域。

讲述者通过个人经历强调了在军事服务中通过创造力和积极态度解决问题的重要性。

讲述者提到以色列总统和总理Shimon Paris，强调了记住他人名字和细节的重要性。

讲述者提到日本科学家Noriaki Kano关于人们记住惊喜或意外体验的研究。

讲述者讨论了如何通过积极沟通和避免负面语言来改善人际关系。

讲述者分享了成功人士如何通过身体语言、倾听和避免负面词汇来沟通。

讲述者强调了在沟通中说“不”的艺术，即如何以积极的方式表达拒绝。

讲述者提到《哈佛商业评论》的文章，指出优秀的销售人员需要驱动力和同理心。

讲述者总结说，积极态度是连接驱动力和同理心的纽带。

Transcripts

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

the year is 1941.

and you're a Jewish teenager from

Eastern Europe

you just lost your brothers

your sisters

your parents

who were brutally murdered in front of

you or sent to the gas Chambers and you

are imprisoned in one of the most

horrific places Humanity has ever

created

the Auschwitz birkenau concentration

camp

all four of my grandparents were

Holocaust Survivors

two of them survived that damned place

my grandfather Arya which means Lion in

Hebrew survived Auschwitz for more than

two years

I once asked him when I was young

Grandpa how did you do it

and all he said was just by always

smiling and always saying yes

anytime the Nazis asked people to do

anything

no matter how cold he was how long the

day was how hard it was remember this is

Auschwitz we're talking about he said

take me

anytime they asked he raised his hand

high and said I'll do it

even the Nazis knew

they could trust Ave

they knew that they could use them but

it was worthwhile for them to take care

of him

so by being positive and valuable he

survived

my grandfather

here with me

was right

because everything starts with a

positive attitude

and despite all that's happened to him

or maybe because of it he turned out to

be one of the most driven and empathetic

people I have ever met plus everyone

instantly fell in love with him because

he was always positive no matter what

as the famed Austrian psychiatrist and

an Auschwitz Survivor himself Victor

Frankel said everything can be taken

from a man but one thing

to choose one's attitude in any given

set of circumstances

many of us assume that success leads to

happiness

turns out we've got it backward

in his work with KPMG Pfizer and Yale

psychology department Sean Aker has seen

how happiness and positivity precede

success happy employees show an average

of 31 higher productivity 37 percent

higher sales with creativity three times

higher than their unhappy colleagues

therefore from my time in school the

military working for tiny and giant

companies to my career as a management

Professor I realized positivity pays off

period I even just got married for the

second time

right

so

I went on a quest and found four ways to

utilize it anywhere and with anyone

because positivity is not magical it is

science and it all starts with the very

first interaction

now what's gonna happen now I'm going to

show you a picture really quickly on the

screen you have to look up there and

then I'll ask you what you see ready one

two three

all right show of hands who see the man

who's seen a hat

a beard

a smile

now keep your hands up if you think what

you've seen is positive

amazing here's the crazy thing you have

no idea what you've just seen

but like 80 percent of you know it's

positive

this is the power and danger of first

impressions

a series of experiments by Princeton

psychologist Wilson tadore reveals that

all it takes is a tenth of a second to

form an impression of a stranger and

that longer exposures don't really

change that now I'm sure many in this

room have used the dating app like

Bumble or hinge or Tinder that means the

split second we need to know whether to

swipe left or swipe right is more than

enough to know whether or not we want to

hang out with someone and when someone

begs you to try out a date although you

really want to swipe him away

don't

science says it's a complete waste of

time

like it or not judgments based on facial

appearance play a significant role on

how we get treated and how we treat

others psychologists have long known

that attractive people get better

outcomes in practically all walks of

life

unfortunately we cannot change our faces

oh and no Instagram filters do not count

what we can influence though is the way

we dress or the background we use for

that really important online meeting

because yes there is no second chance

for First Impressions here's the picture

I've showed you before and this is my

Barbara David making me an espresso

just the way I like it now he's not just

a master Barber no sir he's also a

master of positivity because he utilizes

a second aspect of it the power of all

human senses

also called the multi-sensory approach

the more senses

the better

now can you smell something now

yes it's the smell of fresh bread did

you know if you're smelling sorry if

you're selling your apartment

you should put bread or cake to bake in

the oven while you show it to people by

doing that

you will raise the chance of them buying

your apartment and even increase the

price

out of all five senses the sense of

smell is the most essential trigger of

memory Studies by Rockefeller University

show us that we remember five percent of

things we see but 35 things we smell one

reason is that the olfactory system is

located in the same part of our brain

that infects emotions and memory so a

scent is subconsciously Associated to a

specific person experience of in time

and when people see your beautiful

apartment while smelling the fresh fruit

they're automatically taken back to the

Realms of their childhood immediately

feeling at home

there's more David also knows what he's

doing when he's making me a coffee

if served appropriately and if it tastes

good it triggers all five of our senses

a 2022 Journal of marketing study found

that having a caffeinated drink before

shopping leads to more purchases and

increased spending

now I'm sure you know the motto don't

drink and drive right so it turns out

that with caffeinated drinks we also

need don't drink and buy

thank goodness my wife really hates

coffee but

she does like Coca-Cola though

anyway my my interest for people and

communication took off throughout my

military service in the IDF

at the time and completely opposed to

what one may think when seeing me back

there I quickly learned that the only

way to tackle ambiguous or demanding

situations is Never by force ever but

only through creativity and positivity

did you hear that leaders of the world

I then worked in security to finance my

business studies at the time I met many

famous people and politicians most if

not all of them ignored me completely

but not Shimon Paris the only man in

history who was both president and prime

minister of Israel

when I was assigned to work for him

he treated me like I was the most

important person in the world asking my

name and what I studied as if he had met

another 100 people that day that deeply

impressed me I met him again a few

months later he seemed happy to see me

he remembered my name even what I

studied was that why everyone loved him

the Japanese scientist noriaki Kano

realized this about 50 years ago

generally people forget average even

better than average experiences with

others what we remember though is

anything surprising or unexpected just

like Shimon Paris remembering my name

this is number three it's the rental car

company that installed the child seat

without me having to ask for it it's the

flight attendant that memorizes

passengers names before they board the

airplane In First Class of course or

it's yeah well or it's the hotel that

remembers you have a pineapple allergy

from a visit two years ago all of these

stick to our minds simply because we did

not expect them also called the lighters

they're the basis of making people fall

in love with a person or even a brand

and it's easy to harness that plus it's

free

now some jerks don't remember anything

about anyone

they couldn't care less right

the world is constantly evolving and so

are we whether in politics or business

we simply refuse to accept negative

behaviors that were perfectly normal

only a few years ago

in a recent New York Times article the

authors call for no more working for

jerks especially since we've all been

rebuilding Our Lives after the pandemic

I did wonder though who's a jerk anyway

so I looked it up

Britannica says it's a person who is not

well liked or treats others badly

now Urban Dictionary really hits the

spot if you ask me by saying it's the

mandatory mindset for self-survival

within corporate Americans

now I wanted I really wanted to show you

examples of jerky communication by using

photographs of famous politicians only

there's only so much it can do in public

so I'll show you photos of my two little

boys instead as they can be the biggest

actors

according to Princeton University there

are three kinds of negative

communication harmful to ourselves in a

relationship with others and only one

that's positive

first there's passive communication

second there's aggressive communication

the worst is passive aggressive

communication

which by the way was the hardest for my

kids to act out

the fourth and only healthy and positive

kind is called assertive communication

the only way to lead to respectful and

longer-term relationships so how can we

utilize it

I've spent thousands of hours working

with Highly Successful People from

dozens of Industries and positions who

cater to the world's wealthiest which

also means most demanding customers and

I've analyzed how they communicate in

good times or bad to figure out their

secret sauce for positivity

number one we communicate with our

bodies long before we switch our miles

on

a luxury real estate agent for example

will never sit across the table from you

as that would feel like a subconscious

barrier implying rivalry but next to you

or even better is to furnish our offices

with round tables because these don't

have sides at all

and even when they walk with you

somewhere they'll make sure to walk side

by side signaling equality and

partnership now looking at these there

is no way in the world to know who's

selling and who is buying right

that's entirely the point

hold on a minute though can't we do the

exact same thing when we're dating

of course we can we're always selling

something to someone here it's an

apartment on a date it's

something else

number two the most successful sales

people in the world spend most of their

days not speaking but zipping it and

listening

something we all really really suck at

as Denzel Washington said an American

Gangster the loudest in the room is the

weakest in the room

finally even when they are the ones to

speak they hardly ever say no as a

matter of fact they hardly ever say any

negative term whatsoever so this is

number four they say no without saying

no

now doesn't that sound like a dream for

all the introverts Among Us who have a

hard time saying no

let me show you how private Bankers for

example speaking to clients of theirs

worth billions cannot say no even when

given an impossible request instead they

reframe their negative message into a

positive one

instead of saying what's impossible

they'll tell you what's possible

and instead of saying what they can do

they'll say what they could do and even

when you ask them for a discount no

that's a real trick they will tell you

something like we already gave you the

best price

now aren't these all much more likable

and positive versions of no

don't get me wrong it doesn't mean we

shouldn't ever say no sorry for

disappointing dear introverts Among Us

it just means we can almost always find

a positive alternative

do you also notice they change their

eyes into E's

excellent communication can never just

be about you unless you're a narcissist

so scrap all your eyes from now on

by the way the word but is almost

negative as a no when we tell someone I

like you but you're a jerk

do we like them

see when we use the word but we actually

cancel anything we've said before it so

scrap that one two and yes it takes a

lot of hard work and practice I can tell

you though I can now spend entire days

without ever saying no

so let's all unjerk

by using anything humanly possible

First Impressions the five senses

remembering little details and scrapping

all negativity from our words and

posture and it works in any single

language

finally a few years ago in a Harvard

Business review article Meyer and

Greenberg answered the ultimate question

of what makes a good salesperson

and it boils down to only two things

Drive

and empathy

I'd say positivity is the fine thread

that connects them

so what do my grandfather Shimon Paris

and the most successful people in the

world have in common

they're all driven people magnets who

constantly exercise positive

communication

and are simply fun to hang around we may

think people are born as great

communicators it positivity is not

magical

it is science as Shimon Paris said

himself

optimists and pessimists die the same

way they just live differently I prefer

to live as an optimist

thank you

[Applause]