How to build a healthy relationship WITH YOURSELF and finally start loving YOURSELF

Summary

This video script delves into the power of self-love and the importance of positive self-talk in shaping one's reality. It offers practical advice on transforming negative self-judgment into affirmations, emphasizes the significance of not taking things personally, and encourages viewers to establish personal boundaries on social media. The script also highlights the need to avoid procrastination in personal development, the value of self-dating, and the benefits of understanding one's ancestry for self-growth. It concludes with a call to action for viewers to engage in a mirror reflection exercise to foster a healthier relationship with oneself.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Speak with intention and care; words have the power to liberate or enslave you in your own body.
• 📚 'The Four Agreements' is recommended for learning to be impeccable with your word, which is crucial for self-judgment and blame.
• 💭 Self-critical thoughts like 'I'm too fat' or 'I'm too stupid' can harm you; instead, reaffirm your self-worth and love.
• 🔄 Transform your self-talk to create a positive sense of reality and influence others' opinions positively.
• 🚫 Avoid self-criticizing phrases and replace them with affirmations like 'I'm doing my best and that's enough'.
• 🪞 Implement a mirror exercise to notice and change the negative self-talk during morning routines.
• 🎬 'Inside Out' movie reference to illustrate the impact of self-perception and the importance of maintaining a positive self-image.
• 🤗 Don't take everything personally; people's actions are a reflection of their own issues, not a judgment of you.
• 🚫 On social media, establish personal boundaries by blocking negativity to protect your mental well-being.
• 🛑 Choose who you don't want to be and make changes accordingly to avoid becoming a person you dislike.
• 🏋️‍♀️ Don't procrastinate on self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or journaling; they are as important as work deadlines.
• 💐 Treat yourself to self-dates, gifts, and experiences to build self-love and independence from others' validation.
• 👫 In relationships, aim for 'one plus one equals eleven' — two whole individuals creating something greater together, rather than seeking completion from a partner.
• 👪 Explore your ancestry to understand your roots, family history, and gain insights into your identity and personal journey.

Q & A

How do the words we use and the stories we tell ourselves impact our reality?

The words we use and the stories we tell ourselves shape our reality by influencing our thoughts, self-perception, and actions. Positive self-talk can liberate us, while negative self-talk can enslave us in our own bodies.

What is the significance of speaking with intention and care?

Speaking with intention and care is crucial because it helps in building a healthy relationship with ourselves. It involves being mindful of the words we use, which can either harm or uplift us.

Why is it important to be impeccable with our word according to 'The Four Agreements'?

Being impeccable with our word means using words that are truthful and not causing harm to ourselves or others. It helps in maintaining integrity and fostering self-respect.

How can changing our self-talk from negative to positive affect our self-love and personal growth?

Changing our self-talk from negative to positive can help in building self-love and personal growth. Positive affirmations and self-compassion can replace self-criticism, leading to a stronger sense of self-worth.

What is the mirror exercise and how can it help in transforming our self-talk?

The mirror exercise involves observing and analyzing the self-talk we use when looking at ourselves in the mirror. It helps in identifying self-critical thoughts and replacing them with positive and affirming statements.

How does taking things personally affect our self-perception and relationships?

Taking things personally can lead to negative self-perception and strained relationships. It's important to understand that people's actions and words are often a reflection of their own issues and not necessarily about us.

What is the advice given for dealing with haters on social media?

The advice given for dealing with haters on social media is to understand that their negativity is about them and not about you. It's recommended to block them and protect personal boundaries, focusing on self-respect and positivity.

Why is it difficult to change others and what should we focus on instead?

Changing others is difficult because everyone has their own set of values and beliefs. Instead of trying to change others, we should focus on choosing who we don't want to be and act accordingly, making personal changes that align with our values.

How does reframing procrastination as 'procrastinating on yourself' help in prioritizing self-care?

Reframing procrastination as 'procrastinating on yourself' highlights the importance of self-care. It encourages taking action towards self-improvement activities like exercise, meditation, and journaling, which are often neglected.

What is the significance of taking yourself out on dates and why should we do it?

Taking yourself out on dates is significant as it promotes self-love and independence. It allows you to enjoy experiences without relying on others, fostering a sense of self-worth and confidence.

Why is exploring your ancestry a recommended step in building a healthy relationship with yourself?

Exploring your ancestry helps in understanding your roots and family history, which can provide insights into your identity and personal journey. It can be an exciting inward exploration that enhances self-awareness and appreciation for one's heritage.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Transforming Self-Talk for Self-Love

This paragraph emphasizes the power of language in shaping one's reality and the importance of building a healthy relationship with oneself. It suggests that negative self-talk, such as self-judgment or blame, can harm our self-perception and reality. The speaker recommends the book 'The Four Agreements' to learn about speaking with intention and care. The paragraph encourages affirmations and positive self-talk to counteract the negative impact of self-criticism, highlighting the transformative effect of words on our thoughts, reality, and the opinions of others. It also introduces the idea of a mirror exercise to raise awareness of one's self-talk, inspired by the movie 'Inside Out,' and the need to avoid self-criticism and focus on positive affirmations.

05:06

🚫 Not Taking Things Personally and Setting Boundaries

This section discusses the importance of not taking everything personally and understanding that people's actions and words are often a reflection of their own issues rather than a judgment on us. The speaker advises not to respond to negative comments on social media, as they are more about the person making the comment than about the target. The paragraph also touches on the idea of setting personal boundaries, such as blocking haters on social media, to protect oneself from negativity. It encourages viewers to be proactive in establishing these boundaries and not shy away from taking such actions to maintain a positive self-image and reality.

10:10

💪 Choosing Who You Don't Want to Be and Self-Care

The speaker introduces the concept of choosing who you don't want to be as a method for personal change and improvement. By deciding against certain behaviors or traits, one can take steps to become a better version of oneself. The paragraph also addresses the issue of procrastination, specifically the tendency to procrastinate on self-care activities. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not procrastinating on oneself and taking immediate action towards self-improvement. Furthermore, the paragraph encourages self-dating and treating oneself to experiences and gifts, advocating for self-sufficiency and independence in self-care before expecting it from others. It concludes with the notion that a healthy relationship should be between two whole individuals, not one dependent on the other for happiness or fulfillment.

🌿 Exploring Ancestry for Self-Understanding

In this final paragraph, the speaker suggests exploring one's ancestry as a means of self-discovery and personal growth. It encourages viewers to engage in conversations with family members to learn about their life experiences, struggles, and lessons. The speaker sees this as an exciting inward exploration that can provide valuable insights into one's roots and personal identity. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for viewers to perform a mirror reflection exercise, which involves looking at oneself in the mirror and noting any thoughts or emotions that arise, with the aim of changing negative self-talk to positive and comforting thoughts.

Keywords

💡Self-talk

Self-talk refers to the internal dialogue one has with oneself. It is a concept central to the video's theme, emphasizing the power of positive self-communication in shaping one's reality. The script discusses how negative self-talk, such as self-judgment or blame ('I'm too fat' or 'I'm too stupid'), can harm an individual, while affirming self-worth and love can lead to liberation and empowerment.

💡Self-love

Self-love is the act of appreciating and valuing oneself, which the video posits as essential for personal growth and a healthy self-relationship. The script illustrates this through the contrast between self-criticism, which can diminish self-love, and self-affirmation, which can strengthen it. For example, instead of saying 'I'm a failure,' one should say 'I'm doing my best, and that's enough,' fostering a healthier self-image.

💡Impeccable word

The term 'impeccable word' comes from the book 'The Four Agreements' and suggests using words with integrity and without causing harm to oneself or others. In the context of the video, it is tied to the idea of speaking with intention and care, thereby avoiding self-judgment and promoting positive self-talk.

💡Mirror exercise

The mirror exercise is a self-reflection activity mentioned in the script where one observes their self-talk while looking at their reflection in the mirror. This exercise is crucial for recognizing and changing negative self-perceptions, such as focusing on aging signs like gray hairs or wrinkles, and replacing them with positive affirmations.

💡Personal boundaries

Personal boundaries are limits that individuals set for themselves to maintain their emotional and mental well-being. The video discusses the importance of establishing these boundaries, especially on social media, where negative interactions can occur. It suggests blocking haters as a way to protect one's boundaries and mental health.

💡Procrastination

Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing tasks or actions. The video reframes procrastination by urging viewers not to procrastinate on self-care activities like exercising or meditating. It highlights the importance of prioritizing one's well-being and not just focusing on external deadlines.

💡Ancestry

Ancestry, or family history, is presented in the video as a means of self-exploration and understanding one's roots. It encourages viewers to learn about their relatives' lives, struggles, and lessons, which can provide a deeper insight into their own identity and personal narrative.

💡Codependency

Codependency refers to an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one person relies excessively on another for emotional support and identity. The video warns against expecting a partner to 'fix' one's life, advocating instead for self-sufficiency and independence before entering a relationship.

💡Self-criticism

Self-criticism is the act of negatively judging oneself, which the video identifies as detrimental to self-love and personal growth. It is often evident in the mirror exercise, where people might focus on perceived flaws. The video encourages shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion and positive self-talk.

💡Self-judgment

Self-judgment involves evaluating oneself harshly, often leading to feelings of inadequacy or failure. The video script mentions how self-judgment can harm an individual's self-esteem and suggests replacing judgmental thoughts with affirmations of self-worth and acceptance.

💡Self-care

Self-care encompasses activities and practices that individuals engage in to maintain their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. The video emphasizes the importance of not procrastinating on self-care and taking oneself out on dates as forms of self-appreciation and nurturing a healthy relationship with oneself.

Highlights

The importance of using positive self-talk to shape reality and foster self-love.

Recommendation of the book 'The Four Agreements' for learning to be impeccable with one's word.

The harm caused by self-judgment and blame, and how to transform negative thoughts into affirmations.

The power of words in communication, both internally and with others, and their impact on reality and opinions.

The mirror exercise to notice and change self-critical thoughts when looking at oneself.

The influence of the movie 'Inside Out' on understanding the change in self-perception and its emotional impact.

The significance of not taking things personally and understanding that people's actions reflect their own issues.

How to deal with haters on social media by understanding their motivations and setting personal boundaries.

Choosing who you don't want to be as a strategy for personal change and growth.

The importance of not procrastinating on self-care and recognizing its value in one's life.

The concept of taking oneself out on dates to practice self-love and independence.

The misconception of expecting a partner to complete one's life and the importance of being whole on one's own.

Exploring one's ancestry as a means of inward exploration and understanding one's roots.

The homework assignment of doing a mirror reflection exercise to change negative self-talk.

Encouragement to subscribe to the YouTube channel for more content on self-improvement.

A suggestion to watch another video on the channel for an Ultimate Guide to real self-care.

Transcripts

the words you use and the stories you tell  yourself about yourself are shaping your reality  

in this video we're going to explore how to build  a healthy relationship with yourself transform  

yourselft talk and finally start loving yourself  right now you can see today's chapters everything  

I plan to cover in this video speak with intention  and care I highly recommend checking out this book  

The Four Agreements because there you will learn  how to be impeccable with your word we do a lot  

of harm to ourselves with this self-judgment or  blame you might think that oh my God I'm too fat  

or I'm too stupid and simply by harboring these  thoughts you're using these words against yourself  

and passing on judgment instead of doing this you  can reaffirm how great you are and how much you  

love yourself that's why it's so important  to remember that the words you use are so  

powerful and can either liberate you or enslave  you in your own body yes when you communicate  

with yourself and with other people you express  yourself but you also transform the way you think  

your words can create ideas in your mind shape  your sense of reality and affect the opinions of  

others our self-love shrinks and disappears when  we criticize ourselves but when we love ourselves  

when we pay attention to the words we use when we  talk about ourselves we only grow stronger instead  

of saying I'm such a failure try saying I'm doing  my best and that's enough the energy is completely  

different here and how you will be moving  from this place will be absolutely not the  

same moving on to the mirror exercise that is  very much connected to the selft talk we use  

when you wake up in the morning you go to the  bathroom to brush your teeth to do your makeup  

to get dressed pay attention to the self-talk you  use when you look at yourself in the mirror what  

conversation is going through your mind are you  being self-critical about yourself unfortunately  

most people are most people while looking at the  themselves in the mirror are going to say things  

like uh you know I'm getting more gray hairs oh my  God I'm getting more wrinkles I'm not as beautiful  

anymore oh I have a new pimple oh my God life  sucks I decided to include this mirror exercise  

in this video to help you guys notice how you talk  about yourself because a few weeks ago I went to  

see the movie Inside Out too oh my God I cried  it's such an amazing movie It's So power power ful  

Riley's first sense of self was I'm a good person  and it got replaced with I'm not good enough when  

I heard that I started crying because a lot of  people can resonate with that yes come on come on  

here we go I'm not good enough what I'm not good  enough unfortunately most of us are self-critical  

most of us do use this negative selft talk when  we look at ourselves in the mirrors but we can  

and should work on that because as I mentioned at  the beginning our words shape our reality and they  

affect how we view ourselves and how others view  us too the next thing that is absolutely important  

if you want to build a healthy relationship with  yourself is to not take everything personally in  

reality nothing people say or do to you is about  you it's about them them people have their own  

dreams and live in according with their values  and according with their agreements when someone  

says something negative about your body it's not  about your body it's all the issues opinions and  

beliefs with which they're dealing if a person  is truly happy they will tell you that you are  

the best but they will call you the worst if  they're angry or dealing with their own personal  

things that's why when I post things on social  media I usually don't respond to haters I get  

haters sometimes too because right now so many  people are on social media I feel like most of  

you watching my videos are probably on social  media knowing how to deal with haters knowing  

where they're coming from is extremely important  when someone gives me hate I know it's not about  

me it's about them just think about it what  this person might be going through to say  

hurtful things to a stranger on the internet you  can just let them be wish them the best and block  

them this way I'm leaving them to their own life  to their own struggles and choosing to protect my  

own personal boundaries by blocking them because I  don't like when people talk to me like that a lot  

of people say mean things on the internet because  of their own traumas from a traumatic place and so  

understanding that and not being shy to establish  your own personal boundaries is very important  

and on social media the easiest way to establish  your personal boundaries is to just block a person  

let's move on to the next point in this video  choose who you don't want to be for most of US  

changing is extremely difficult that's why people  often say don't try to change others because  

obviously changing others is impossible because  even making this decision for yourself like you  

want to change and you're going to start doing  that is very difficult so instead you can choose  

who you don't want to be and act accordingly  and keep the sword to yourself and be a person  

of your own word I don't want to be a person who  Flacks St under health and because of that I'm  

I'm going to eat better I'm going to exercise  more often so I am going to introduce certain  

changes into my life because I don't want to be a  specific person and this way I will get closer and  

closer to the person that I actually want to be  it's like this little mental game reframing how  

we approach life and how we approach changing  ourselves and getting to our goals I know that  

I don't want to be a person who goes to parties  drinks there a lot and then comes home very late  

wakes up you know in the morning having a  horrible headache I don't want to be that  

person but I still want to go to music festivals  and so I continue going to music festivals but  

I don't drink I come back home earlier and I get  a good night's sleep the next point is all about  

procrastination but I want to reframe it for you  guys again don't procrastinate on yourself I was  

honestly that person I would do everything I could  to finish a project on time to me the deadline  

to submit my assignment I knew it was important  because my professor was waiting for that and I  

just had to get it done even if it meant that  I had to stay until 2:00 or 3: in the morning  

but when it came to taking time to exercise  to meditate to journal I would procrastinate  

I would be just like it's fine it's not important  and once I started thinking about it in this way  

like I was procrastinating on myself on my life I  was like wait a second is exercising actually not  

important for me of course it is do you want to  continue procrastinating on myself no cuz I think  

it's so easy to just not do something when you  say you know I'm a procrastinator I procrastinate  

it's fine a lot of people procrastinate but if  you add this little part you're procrastinate  

on yourself you're like wait a second I don't I  want to do that let me grab my gym clothes and  

go to the gym right now the next super important  point if you want to build a healthy relationship  

with yourself is taking yourself out on dates many  people wait to be in a relationship to get flowers  

to go on vacation to go to that restaurant to you  know get expensive gifts because they expect the  

partner to give all of that to them but why not do  it now if you're not in a relationship instead of  

waiting for someone to go and get flowers go and  get yourself the flowers if you want to go to this  

new trendy restaurant go there by yourself it's  absolutely okay to go places by yourself now I  

know a lot of people feel self-conscious how am I  going to go to a restaurant by myself everyone is  

going to think about me everyone is going to  judge me is everyone more important than you  

than what you think about yourself again coming to  the very beginning of this video the way you talk  

about yourself is important I buy myself flowers  I buy myself gifts I take myself out on dates  

because I deserve that and quite frankly I just  love doing that if you expect some other person  

to come into your life and fix your life and  be your better have you're setting yourself up  

for failure it creates codependent relationships  where no one is actually truly happy I don't know  

if you have heard of this interesting analogy but  when you are in a relationship it's not like 0.5  

meets 0.5 and you become one no it's actually one  meets one and together you become 11 I know it's  

not really math but you get the point one and one  11 you know yourself you feel confident you know  

what you like you know what flowers you like you  know what places you like to go on vacation to  

and these two energies together they multiply and  create something amazing finally I really wanted  

to mention the super interesting step in building  a healthy amazing relationship with yourself it's  

exploring your ancestry do you know your family  history do you know where you come from if it's  

something that you're interested in I can  guarantee that it's a very exciting inward  

exploration and it doesn't have to be a crazy  expensive DNA ancestry test no you can just talk  

to your family talk to your relatives and learn  more about their lives ask your parents how they  

met ask your grandparents if you can how they met  what was their life like what were their struggles  

what has been the biggest life lesson for them  so far what was their childhood like what did  

they miss what didn't they like there's so many  questions I mentioned in this video and you can  

literally use them to talk to your family  members so your homework for today will be  

the following I highly recommend doing the mirror  reflection exercise spend five minutes looking at  

yourself in the mirror I mean you do that when you  brush your teeth literally every single morning  

write down any thoughts or emotions that come up  and reflect on how you talk to yourself during  

that exercise if there are some phrases that you  don't like how can you change them what can you  

replace them with and then do the exercise again  with a new comforting and positive thoughts if  

you like this video please give it a thumbs up and  subscribe to my YouTube channel if you're thinking  

about what to watch next I highly recommend  checking out my video right here where I talk  

about my Ultimate Guide to real self-care click  here and keep on watching and I'll see you there