Why Self Love Isn't Enough

Summary

The video script critiques the overemphasis on self-love and self-compassion in therapy, arguing that for some individuals, these approaches may be ineffective or even harmful. It explores the transformative power of military boot camp psychology, emphasizing the importance of grit—a trait characterized by perseverance and resilience—over internal emotional processing. The speaker suggests that coaching, rather than traditional therapy, may be a more effective path for those seeking to create meaningful life changes, advocating for a shift in focus from internal healing to external accomplishment.

Takeaways

• 😔 The speaker expresses frustration with therapy's overemphasis on self-love and self-compassion, suggesting it can be harmful in some cases.
• 🤔 The speaker questions the effectiveness of therapy that focuses solely on discussing feelings without aiming to change the patient's life outcomes.
• 🌟 A significant portion of patients can benefit greatly from learning self-love and self-compassion, but this approach is not universally effective.
• 💪 The speaker advocates for an alternative approach to therapy, inspired by military boot camp psychology, which focuses on building resilience and grit.
• 🤝 The military's paradoxical combination of harsh criticism and unwavering support can foster a sense of determination and self-worth in individuals.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The concept of 'grit' is introduced as a key to success, defined as the perseverance and passion for long-term goals despite obstacles.
• 🚫 The speaker criticizes traditional therapy for not taking responsibility for helping patients achieve tangible life changes.
• 🔄 The speaker suggests that processing emotions is only one way to deal with them; the other is to change the circumstances that cause the emotions.
• 🤯 The speaker shares personal anecdotes from their practice to illustrate the limitations of traditional therapy and the potential of coaching.
• 🛠️ The speaker introduces the Institute of Coaching as a place that focuses on creating external change for patients, as opposed to just internal healing.
• 📈 The speaker promotes their coaching program as a means to help individuals build the life they want by focusing on not giving up, rather than solely on self-love.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the script regarding the field of therapy?

The script discusses the issue that self-love and self-compassion, while beneficial for some, can be ineffective or even harmful for others in therapy, and that finding a good therapist with a practical approach can be challenging.

Why does the speaker suggest that traditional therapy methods might not work for everyone?

The speaker suggests that traditional therapy methods might not work for everyone because not all individuals are traumatized or lack self-love and self-compassion; some need to focus on changing their circumstances to improve their lives.

What alternative to self-love and self-compassion does the speaker propose?

The speaker proposes the development of 'grit' as an alternative to self-love and self-compassion, emphasizing the importance of perseverance and not giving up in the face of challenges.

What is the concept of 'grit' as described in the script?

'Grit' is a psychological concept introduced by psychologist Angela Duckworth, which refers to the characteristic of perseverance and resilience, the tendency not to give up when faced with adversity.

How does the speaker relate the military boot camp experience to therapy?

The speaker relates the military boot camp experience to therapy by highlighting how the tough, demanding environment of boot camp paradoxically fosters resilience and confidence in individuals, which is similar to the desired outcome in therapy for some people.

What is the significance of the 'negative expression of positive affection' in the context of the military and therapy?

The 'negative expression of positive affection' signifies the paradoxical approach where harsh criticism or negative comments are used to motivate and push individuals to improve, which can be seen in both military training and some therapeutic approaches.

Why does the speaker express frustration with the traditional outcomes-focused approach in therapy?

The speaker expresses frustration because traditional therapy often focuses on discussing feelings and emotions without necessarily addressing or aiming to change the external circumstances that contribute to a patient's issues.

What role does the concept of 'guilt' play in the therapy process according to the script?

According to the script, guilt can be a driver for positive change, as it serves as an internal moral compass that helps individuals recognize right from wrong and can motivate them to correct their behavior.

How does the speaker describe the difference between processing emotions internally and changing external circumstances?

The speaker describes the difference by stating that processing emotions internally involves discussing and metabolizing feelings, while changing external circumstances involves taking action to alter the situations causing those emotions.

What is the speaker's view on the role of negative emotions in driving positive change?

The speaker views negative emotions as important drivers for positive change, arguing that they can motivate individuals to take action, set boundaries, and make improvements in their lives.

What alternative approach to therapy does the speaker introduce through the concept of coaching?

The speaker introduces coaching as an alternative approach that focuses on accomplishing goals and creating external change in a person's life, rather than solely healing internal emotional issues.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 The Problem with Self-Love in Therapy

The speaker expresses frustration with the therapy field's overemphasis on self-love and self-compassion, suggesting that these approaches can be ineffective or even harmful for some individuals. They highlight the difficulty of finding a good therapist and the prevalence of self-help practices that focus on internal feelings rather than tangible outcomes. The speaker also recounts a personal experience where they initially believed therapy was about helping patients achieve their goals, only to learn that the focus should be on exploring and understanding the underlying issues. The speaker then delves into the idea of military boot camp as a potential model for therapy, noting the positive transformations veterans have reported, and begins to investigate the psychological aspects of boot camp that contribute to confidence and resilience.

05:03

😡 The Damage of Invalidating Self-Love

In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the potential negative effects of promoting self-love in therapy, particularly when it invalidates a patient's desire for change. They argue that telling patients they are deserving of love without addressing their underlying issues can be damaging. The speaker emphasizes the importance of negative emotions as drivers for positive change, using the example of anger leading to setting boundaries. They also discuss the role of guilt and shame in helping individuals discern right from wrong. The speaker then explores the idea of changing external circumstances to manage emotions, contrasting this with the more common therapeutic approach of processing emotions internally. They highlight the need for therapy to focus on behavioral change and external circumstances, rather than just emotional processing.

10:04

🏋️‍♂️ The Psychological Impact of Military Boot Camp

The speaker explores the psychological impact of military boot camp, noting that despite the harsh and verbally abusive environment, the experience is often seen as positive by veterans. They discuss the paradox of drill sergeants who, while constantly telling recruits they will fail, never give up on them. This approach is contrasted with the common therapeutic approach of focusing on feelings. The speaker suggests that the military's method of instilling grit and resilience, rather than self-love, is a more effective way to transform lives. They also touch on the concept of 'negative expression of positive affection,' which is a common trait among men and can be validating for those struggling with self-esteem issues. The speaker concludes that the key to success in boot camp is not the harsh treatment, but the underlying faith and support that the instructors provide.

15:05

💪 Building Grit Instead of Self-Love

In this final paragraph, the speaker introduces the concept of 'grit,' a personality characteristic identified by psychologist Angela Duckworth in 2007. Grit is defined as the ability to persevere and not give up, which the speaker contrasts with the focus on self-love and self-compassion in traditional therapy. The speaker advocates for an alternative approach that emphasizes building grit and resilience, rather than focusing on internal feelings. They suggest that by focusing on not giving up and continuously trying, individuals can achieve lasting behavioral change and ultimately feel pride and confidence in their accomplishments. The speaker also mentions the emergence of coaching as a field that addresses the need for external behavioral change, as opposed to the more introspective focus of traditional therapy.

Keywords

💡Self-love

Self-love refers to the act of valuing and appreciating oneself, which is often promoted as a therapeutic tool. In the video, it is mentioned as a common approach in therapy but is critiqued for not being universally effective. The speaker notes that for some individuals, self-love may not resonate or could even be harmful if they feel undeserving, highlighting the need for a more nuanced approach to therapy.

💡Self-compassion

Self-compassion is the practice of being kind to oneself in instances of pain or failure. The video discusses it as a widely adopted therapeutic strategy, yet points out that it may not work for everyone, potentially leading to feelings of invalidation or hindering motivation for change among certain individuals.

💡Therapy

Therapy is a professional treatment method that aims to help individuals with psychological issues or emotional disturbances. The video script expresses frustration with the field, suggesting that traditional therapy sometimes fails to focus on tangible outcomes or life improvements, instead often concentrating on internal emotional processing.

💡Boot camp

A boot camp, particularly in a military context, is an intensive training program designed to test and build physical and mental resilience. The video contrasts the strict and challenging environment of a military boot camp with traditional therapy, suggesting that the structure and discipline of boot camp can foster positive psychological traits like grit and resilience.

💡Grit

Grit is a psychological trait defined as 'perseverance and passion for long-term goals.' In the video, the concept of grit is introduced as an alternative to self-love and self-compassion, emphasizing the importance of not giving up in the face of adversity. The speaker argues that developing grit can lead to meaningful life changes and a sense of accomplishment.

💡Emotional validation

Emotional validation is the act of acknowledging and accepting someone's feelings as real and valid. The script discusses how traditional therapy might fail to validate the negative emotions of some individuals, which can be demotivating. Instead, the speaker suggests that recognizing and utilizing these emotions can drive positive change.

💡Behavioral change

Behavioral change refers to the process of altering patterns of behavior to achieve different outcomes. The video argues that many therapeutic approaches do not focus on changing external behaviors, which can be crucial for some individuals seeking to improve their lives. The speaker advocates for strategies that facilitate lasting behavioral change.

💡Coaching

Coaching, in the context of personal development, is a collaborative process that helps individuals identify and achieve personal goals. The video script introduces coaching as an alternative to traditional therapy, focusing on external accomplishments and goal achievement rather than solely on internal emotional healing.

💡Negative expression of positive affection

This concept refers to the way some individuals, particularly men, may express pride or support in a seemingly negative manner, such as through teasing or playful insults. The video suggests that this form of expression can be validating and motivating in certain contexts, such as military boot camp, where it is coupled with underlying faith in the individual's ability to succeed.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties or to withstand hardships. The video script mentions resilience in the context of the psychological benefits gained from military boot camp, where individuals develop the ability to bounce back from challenges and maintain determination in the face of adversity.

💡Self-efficacy

Self-efficacy is the belief in one's own abilities to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task. The video implies that traditional therapy may not always bolster self-efficacy, whereas an approach that emphasizes external accomplishments and behavioral changes can help individuals build confidence in their capabilities.

Highlights

The field of therapy faces a problem where self-love and self-compassion can sometimes be ineffective or even harmful.

Finding a good therapist in LA is difficult due to practices focused on self-love, forgiveness, and self-affirmation.

The speaker wishes for a boot camp for men to help them transform their lives, rather than just focusing on self-love.

Therapists often fail to focus on the outcomes of their patients, leading to frustration and a lack of progress.

Self-love and self-compassion are revolutionary for about half of the patients, but not effective for the other half.

Some patients feel invalidated when therapists insist on self-love, as they want to create a life they can be proud of, not just love themselves.

Negative emotions can be drivers for positive change, and therapists should consider this in their approach.

Guilt and shame are important emotions that help people discern right from wrong and should not be solely focused on in therapy.

Therapists often do not focus on changing external behavior, which can be a crucial part of therapy for some patients.

The speaker suggests that focusing solely on emotions can stall progress in therapy, and external change is necessary.

Military boot camp experiences are often seen as positive by veterans, despite the harsh conditions, due to the underlying faith in their abilities.

The negative expression of positive affection is a common trait in men and can be validating for those struggling with self-esteem.

Boot camp boosts the psychological concept of grit, which is the opposite of self-love and self-compassion.

Grit is a personality characteristic that involves perseverance and resilience, rather than self-love.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of not giving up and focusing on external accomplishments to build a life worth living.

Therapists should consider taking responsibility for improving external aspects of people's lives, not just clinical outcomes.

The field of coaching is emerging as an alternative to therapy, focusing on accomplishing external goals rather than healing internal issues.

Transcripts

there's a serious problem in the field

of therapy and that problem is that

sometimes self-love and self-compassion

not only doesn't work but can actually

be

harmful finding a good therapist in La

is so damn hard everyone's practice

seems to be based on self-love self

forgiveness and

self-affirmation swear to God I wish

there was something like a Marine Corps

boot camp for fat lonely men I don't

need to live in a bubble of stupid

aphorisms I need someone to kick my ass

absolutely I had two reactions when I

read this the first is an internal

frustration with the field of therapy

and this sort of like idea that

self-compassion and self-love is the end

all Beall of what we're trying to do in

therapy and in my experience not only

does it not work some of the times in

some cases it's actually harmful and the

second thing that happened is I got

curious about boot camp in the military

and I remember that that like I've done

a lot of veterans work and when I talk

to Veterans one of the most interesting

things is that almost all of them think

about boot camp as a very positive

experience I've had a ton of patients

who went to boot camp and transformed

their life and so I started to

investigate what happens psychologically

in boot camp what happens that makes

people confident and resilient and I

actually discovered a couple of really

interesting things and we're going to

teach you how to implement the most

important aspect of boot camp psychology

in today's video so we're going to start

with baby Dr k When I was a tiny little

bitty in tune at the Massachusetts

General Hospital I had a lecture on

Psychotherapy and in walked someone who

is a professor of Psychiatry at Harvard

Medical School who then asked me a

question if a patient walks into your

office and says doctor can you help me

find a girlfriend or boyfriend what are

you supposed to say and my dumbass is

like yes this is what we do in therapy

we help people accomplish their goals

and it turns out that I was wrong and

that in therapy we do not help people

accomplish their goals the right thing

to say when someone walks in and says

hey can you help me find a girlfriend

the right thing to say is not to say

anything not to answer the question cuz

heaven forbid as a psychiatrist you

answer a patient's question instead you

have to turn it into a question invite

curiosity what is it that makes you want

a girlfriend how do you feel about not

having a girlfriend why do you think it

is that you haven't been able to find a

girlfriend what's going on tell me about

your feelings let's talk let's talk some

more let's talk some even even more and

this is what I found incredibly

frustrating as a therapist is that we're

a profession of people who don't really

focus on the outcomes of our patients I

know it sounds kind of paradoxical and

if you're a therapist out there and you

take offense to that there's a good

reason that you will and we'll get to

that in a second but if we sort of look

at the profession we're a profession

that will do therapy with people for 20

years and we'll keep on talking about

feelings talking about feelings talking

about feelings and then like it's not

clear to me what the patient gets out of

that and so there are a couple of things

that we have to say kind of in defense

of therapy because it's not all bad and

it's actually really good the first is

if this is so bad like why does everyone

focus on self- Lov and self-compassion

and this is what's really important to

understand is that for about half of

patience

the single most revolutionary thing you

can do for them is to teach them self

love so I think the reason that we're

biased this way as the field of therapy

is because for half of the people if we

can teach them self-compassion all of

their problems will be fixed and that's

kind of the goal of therapy right that's

the approach is that like the problem

isn't that you you lack knowledge to

solve this particular thing the problem

is that there's something inside you

that as as long as it's broken and isn't

really functioning properly you can try

to go on fixing things out there and

it'll never work and that's a really

valid approach like literally in my

practice I'd say like the most

transformative thing is teaching people

self-love but for half the people the

real problem is that for the other half

it doesn't seem to work because not

everyone is traumatized and not everyone

sort of needs more self-love and

self-compassion and in fact for half the

people that walk into my office if I

tell them hey bro you need more

self-love they hate it because the these

are people and you may be one of them

that don't deserve self-love you don't

deserve compassion because you suck at

life right and like I'm not here to

teach myself how to love this pathetic

version of me this is not what I'm

interested in I actually don't want to

love this person give yourself love to

someone who deserves it what I actually

want to do is create a life that I can

be proud of something where I deserve

love in confidence and and like all all

that good stuff is like appropriate and

if people come into our office that way

unfortunately a lot of my colleagues

will be like n n you need to self

love you are deserving of love you're

not pathetic like love yourself love

yourself and that can actually be

damaging in a couple of ways the first

is that it's incredibly invalidating

because your patient is coming in and

they have a fire to transform their

lives and here you are telling them no

no no let's shut off the fire which

brings us to the second thing which is

that let's remember that negative

emotions are drivers for positive change

so if I get angry at someone because

they steal from me instead of like

processing that anger with a therapist I

can use that anger to set boundaries

with them and block them right the other

thing is if we look at emotions like

guilt and shame like we can go into a

therapist's office and we can metabolize

them with the therapist but why do we

feel guilt we feel guilt because

sometimes we do the wrong things and

guilt is an emotion that helps us do the

right thing that's how we know the

difference between right and wrong if we

didn't have guilt we wouldn't have an

internal moral compass and so this is

the real problem I think with a lot of

this self-love approach to therapy is

that we forget that like not loving

yourself can be a really really good

motivator and this is where we kind of

come to a really important part of like

the alternate way okay so if we're not

going to do self Lov which can

absolutely be very very positive but for

some people it doesn't work and for

those people and if you're one of these

people let's remember that there are two

ways that you can deal with emotions so

when I'm a human in the world the world

will do stuff to me and when the world

does stuff to me I will feel things and

then I've got two options to deal with

these feelings I can either process them

internally or I can change the

circumstance es that make me feel a

particular way all right so here's an

example let's say that I go to the beach

and when I go to the beach I feel a

little bit embarrassed about the way

that I look and so I've got two options

in this situation one is that I can go

and talk about my feelings which can be

really effective right so let's say I'm

going there with my partner my friends

and I voice to them hey I'm feeling a

little bit embarrassed and they're like

look man it's totally cool like you're a

sexy beast like look at you you're so

sexy oh my God you're so sex sexy right

or that hey like no one really cares and

we're here to have fun and like they can

give you some reassurance they can give

you a little bit of TLC yeah you can

feel a little bit embarrassed but you

can work on it internally the other

thing that you can do if you feel

embarrassed about the way that you look

is you can exercise and you can change

your diet you can actually transform the

circumstances that make you feel a

particular way now this is the big

problem with therapy is that generally

speaking in therapy we don't really

focus on the latter there are some

absolutely great clinicians who do focus

on that we can look at evidence-based

techniques like motivational

interviewing that are really designed

around behavioral change and stuff like

that but generally speaking most

therapists therapists don't specialize

in changing external behavior and when I

was sort of super interested in this at

this place called mlan hospital I talked

to the chief of Psychiatry there and I

was like how do we actually get patients

to change their lives and that's when he

told me he was like hey you should check

out this place called The Institute of

coaching which is all about creating EX

external change for our patients as

opposed to using psychotherapeutic

models to heal the pathology so it's

super cool and I looked into it and I

really found that it was a good fit so

let's remember that when it comes to us

feeling a particular way and like if

you're ashamed of who you are or how you

look or how much money you make there's

actually a whole different way to manage

those emotions which is to actually fix

the crap in your life that makes you

feel that way it's not just about

metabolizing that that emotion and this

is what happens is if we start to focus

entirely on emotions then what starts to

happen is sometimes we can stall so I

had a patient for example who was like

in the the clinic that I was working at

for 20 years and they kept on getting

passed on from one resident to another

Resident to another Resident and so

there's a you know one argument to be

made there is like maybe they should

have worked with someone who's not a

training psychiatrist and worked with a

a real psychiatrist who's fully trained

and that could have helped them they'

done that too but I think the bigger

problem is that this person kind of came

into my office and was like you know I'm

really unhappy with my life I'm

depressed all the time I'm like why are

you depressed well you know I'm

depressed because of this this and we

talk about feelings talk about feelings

talk about feelings and then I asked

them you know are there times in your

life when you haven't felt depressed and

they were like yeah I was dating this

person once who like you know had a

really nice car and we'd Drive somewhat

recklessly and then we'd have really

wild sex and it made me feel like James

Bond and so like I did what I was

supposed to do right cuz I I heard the

professor of Psychiatry who came in and

tell me no never never change a

patient's life just talk about their

feelings and so I was like okay well you

know like let's just talk about your

feelings and what feels so great about

having James Bond sex and towards the

end of our therapy like you know I

started to get frustrated with that they

started to get frustrated that we've

been doing that for a couple years and I

was like bro do you want to change your

life and he's like yeah and then we

started working on that and we made huge

progress and so if we kind of look at

this externalizing approach to our

emotions which generally speaking is bad

so for example if we look at a lot of

what gets men into trouble it is that

this is the only strategy they have so

if someone makes me feel a particular

way I'm going to change my circumstances

so that they no longer make me feel that

way this opens the door to things like

emotional manipulation this opens up

this is how bosses will kind of squeeze

their employees because they make you

feel guilty and if they can make you

feel guilty they can shape your behavior

and if they can shape your behavior to

make you feel less guilty now they can

control your behavior by controlling

your emotions and so a big part of very

successful therapy is actually helping

people get away from this this sort of

approach of let me fix the outside world

to make myself feel a different way on

the flip side though sometimes we

actually want to use that and this is

where I got kind of curious about

military recruit recs and like let's

remember that military recruits will

often times join the military because

they're unhappy with their lives and

they're depressed and they're not going

anywhere and then after serving some

period of time in the military like

sometimes there are cases of trauma and

sexual assault and things like that I've

seen that working with veterans but

actually I would say the majority of

patients I work with really appreciate

being in the military they learned so

much and they developed so much

confidence and what's going on there how

is it that the military can be so

overtly abusive right you've got a drill

sergeant who's telling you hey you suck

you're going to fail and yet you come

out of that experience feeling stronger

does a swift kick in the ass actually

work and if it works what is the

underlying psychological principle at

play so let's actually look at research

on the psychology of people who go to

boot camp so there are a couple of

really interesting aspects to it the

first is that while they are verbally

abusive which is bad right they actually

are implicitly very very like invested

in you and don't give up on you I think

this Paradox is really important to

understand so if you go to if you

actually join the military there will be

drill sergeants and I went to a military

school for a little while so I have a

little bit of personal experience who

will tell you that you're going to fail

out you're pathetic you're never going

to make it you're never going to make it

you're going to fail you're going to

fail you're so pathetic but they never

kick you out right they sort of teach

you one really important principle which

is that even though I'm telling you

you're going to fail I'm not actually

going to kick you out ever ever you can

fail today and I'm going to be here

tomorrow you can fail tomorrow and I'm

going to be here the next day no matter

how many times you

fail what determines whether you succeed

or fail here is actually you you can

quit whenever you you're ready and you

should have quit a week ago you should

quit today and you should quit tomorrow

but until you quit I will actually like

continue to be here for you and this is

a really fascinating kind of perspective

and there's actually research on on this

where this is also kind of a masculine

sort of thing so if we look at men we do

something called the negative expression

of a positive affection so when my when

I started dating the person who was

going to be my wife like my friends were

happy for me but they could not keep

they could not stop giving me about

it right they were technically they were

happy they were like and I could tell

they were happy they're like oh my God

Alo you're so whipped BR you're so

whipped bro you're so whipped you're so

pathetic like oh my God like oh did you

go to Victoria Secret and buy some

lingerie for yourself because your ass

is whipped and this is what we do to

each other as men when we are proud of

each other we actually express it in a

negative way so it is the negative

expression of a positive affection and

it turns out that this is actually

useful in a couple of ways so if you

have some degree of self-loathing or

hate yourself if you sort of have this

negative expression it can be very

validating right because someone else is

telling you like yeah man like I can see

that you were a loser like you you

technically correct I can see that what

are you going to do about it so this is

the really important thing that we sort

of discover from the the psychology of

military recruits is that negatively

expressing stuff is okay as long as

there's Faith underneath that like you

will make it in the end and what we

actually discover is that what boot camp

does to people people is it improves

this psychological concept called grit

and grit is the very opposite of like

all this self-love and self-compassion

stuff so in 2007 there was a a

psychologist named Angela Duckworth who

discovered this concept called grit

which is sort of like this personality

characteristic which is like people

don't give up it's not self-love it's

not self-compassion it's not like res

it's related to resilience actually is

the closest thing but she basically

noticed that some people like quit when

things go bad and other people like

stick with it and if you really look at

like boot camp what does boot camp do it

boosts grit hey there thanks for

watching and I'm glad these videos have

been helpful a lot of times I'll read

the comments and see people asking well

what do I actually do about it which is

a great question and unfortunately the

resources out there haven't been that

great which is precisely why I started

HG in the first place HG coaches are

trained on a curriculum that integrates

my understanding of what motivates us

what paralyzes us and most importantly

what leads to Lasting behavioral change

if you're ready to take the next step HG

coaches can help you build the life that

you want they've helped people build

careers help people find relationships

build networks of friends and even do

things like discover their passions or

pursue Hobbies so if this sounds like

something that you'd be interested in

check out the link in the description

below and so there's an alternative to

going down the route of self- Lov and if

you're someone who gets incredibly

frustrated by like I don't want to love

myself I don't deserve to love myself I

actually want to make something of my

life you don't need to force yourself

into doing something that feels

unnatural instead what you need to focus

on is building grit and building grit is

about not about doing it or

accomplishing because let's remember if

you lack confidence you can't accomplish

anything instead building grit is just

about not giving up and so if you were

able to make this cognitive reframe and

instead of focusing on even succeeding

what you really need to focus on is I'm

going to keep trying and I'm not going

to give up no matter what and and if

you're able to do that this is going to

be the alternate path to transform your

life so that if you can shape the

circumstances around you by not giving

up then you will deservedly feel love

and pride and confidence for what you've

accomplished so this frustration that I

have with the field of therapy and the

sort of introduction to coaching is

literally why we started a coaching

program it's one of the things that I I

got the most frustrated about is that if

you look at therapists we do not take

responsibility

for improving external things in

people's lives we absolutely take

responsibility for improving clinical

outcomes like reducing feelings of

depression but therapists generally

speaking if you walk into an office and

you say hey can you help me accomplish

this in this amount of time most

therapists will shy away from that and

that's because that's not what what

we're trained for and this is why the

field of coaching is emerging so much

it's because there's a whole ability to

use everything we understand about the

psychology of the mind but point in a

different direction which is not healing

on the inside but accomplishing on the

outside so hopefully this has been a

helpful video for yall I'm with you in

terms of like I don't really care much

for the self-compassion and self-love

it's not how I put together my life I

decided to walk this other path of let

me understand myself and then craft a

life that is worth living and if yall

want to do that the most important place

to start is with the development of

[Music]

grit