Stop Projecting Yourself Onto The Narcissist
Summary
TLDRThis video delves into the concept of projection within narcissistic relationships, highlighting the mutual projection that sustains them. It explains how individuals often project their desires and positive qualities onto narcissists, who in turn project their negative traits onto them. The video emphasizes the damaging effects of this dynamic, drawing parallels to childhood experiences with narcissistic parents and urging viewers to recognize and stop this self-deceptive behavior to avoid being manipulated and to seek healthier relationships.
Takeaways
- ๐ฎ Projection is a two-way street in narcissistic relationships, with both the narcissist and the victim projecting onto each other.
- ๐ People involved with narcissists often project their desires and hopes onto them, tolerating bad behavior due to the need for a positive relationship dynamic.
- ๐ The hope for the narcissist to maintain their idealized persona during the 'love bombing' phase keeps victims in the relationship longer than they should be.
- ๐ค Victims of narcissists often project their own good qualities, such as kindness and creativity, onto the narcissist, who in reality lacks these traits.
- ๐งฉ The concept of projection is likened to a cinema projector casting images onto a blank screen, with the narcissist being the blank screen devoid of the qualities attributed to them.
- ๐ถ Childhood experiences with narcissistic parents can predispose individuals to continue the pattern of projection into their adult relationships.
- ๐ซ The narcissist projects their flaws onto the victim, blaming them for any faults or issues, while maintaining a facade of perfection.
- ๐ฑ The victim's tolerance and forgiving nature are often exploited by the narcissist, who takes advantage of these qualities to manipulate and control.
- ๐ The need to stop the projection is emphasized, as it prevents the victim from seeing the narcissist's true nature and perpetuates an unhealthy relationship.
- ๐ The victim's sense of hopelessness and lack of self-worth, stemming from childhood, can lead to settling for less than ideal relationships as an adult.
- ๐ณ The metaphor of 'watering the narcissist's tree while they poison your ground' illustrates the one-sided nurturing and destruction within the relationship.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video script?
-The main topic of the video script is the concept of projection in narcissistic relationships, particularly how it works both ways between the narcissist and their victims or 'supply'.
Why do people often stay in relationships with narcissists for longer than they should?
-People often stay in relationships with narcissists because they project their own desires and hopes onto the narcissist, tolerating bad behavior in the hope that the narcissist will revert to the idealized version they first presented during the 'love bombing' phase.
What does the script suggest about the type of person who gets involved with a narcissist?
-The script suggests that people who get involved with narcissists are often those who badly want things to be good and are able to overlook negative behaviors due to their desire for a positive relationship dynamic.
How does the script describe the narcissist's perception of their victims?
-The script describes the narcissist's perception of their victims as people who are easily manipulated and who project good qualities onto the narcissist, which the narcissist then exploits for their own benefit.
What role does childhood experience play in a person's susceptibility to projection in relationships, according to the script?
-According to the script, if a person had a narcissistic parent during childhood, they may have developed a pattern of projecting good qualities onto others to cope with the abuse, making them more susceptible to falling into similar patterns in their adult relationships.
What is the 'blank screen' analogy used in the script to describe the narcissist?
-The 'blank screen' analogy is used to describe the narcissist as someone who does not inherently possess the positive qualities that others project onto them, much like a blank cinema screen shows images only because of the projector.
Why does the script suggest that healthy individuals are less likely to fall into a narcissistic relationship?
-Healthy individuals are less likely to fall into a narcissistic relationship because they have boundaries and do not tolerate abusive behavior, unlike those who project their needs and desires onto others without setting limits.
What does the script imply about the narcissist's behavior towards their victims?
-The script implies that the narcissist's behavior is manipulative, controlling, and abusive, often treating their victims poorly while benefiting from the victims' projected positive qualities.
How does the script define 'projection' in the context of narcissistic relationships?
-In the context of narcissistic relationships, 'projection' is defined as the act of attributing one's own qualities, often positive, onto another person, such as a narcissist, who may not actually possess those qualities.
What advice does the script offer to those who find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist?
-The script advises to stop projecting positive qualities onto the narcissist, to see the person for who they truly are, and to stop giving them more chances than they deserve.
Outlines
๐ The Cycle of Projection in Narcissistic Relationships
The first paragraph delves into the concept of projection within the context of narcissistic relationships. It explains that for such a relationship to function, there must be a mutual projection: the narcissist projects their idealized self onto you, while you project your hopes and desires for a positive relationship onto them. This dynamic is harmful as it often leads individuals to tolerate the narcissist's negative behavior due to their longing for a seemingly perfect relationship. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing this pattern to avoid being trapped in a damaging relationship for an extended period.
๐ถ Childhood Influences on Adult Relationships with Narcissists
The second paragraph explores how childhood experiences with narcissistic parents can predispose individuals to enter and remain in relationships with narcissists as adults. It describes how children often project positive qualities onto abusive parents to cope with their environment, a behavior that can persist into adulthood. The speaker uses the analogy of a cinema projector to illustrate how people project their own positive attributes onto the narcissist, who in reality lacks these qualities. This mutual projection is essential for the narcissistic relationship to continue, as it prevents the individual from seeing the narcissist's true nature.
๐ The Consequences of Projecting onto Narcissists
In the third paragraph, the focus shifts to the negative consequences of projecting one's positive qualities onto a narcissist. It discusses how narcissists exploit the individual's forgiving nature and high tolerance, attributing blame for their own shortcomings onto the other person. The speaker draws a parallel to childhood experiences where one might have had to find goodness in a narcissistic parent to survive, a trait that can be detrimental in adulthood if it leads to settling for less than desirable behavior in relationships. The paragraph highlights the need to stop the projection and see the narcissist for who they truly are.
๐ซ Ending the Projection to Face Reality
The final paragraph concludes the video script by urging viewers to stop projecting their qualities and expectations onto narcissists. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and confronting the reality of the narcissist's behavior, rather than perpetuating a false image of them. The speaker warns that seeing through the narcissist's facade will likely result in their rejection or aggression, but it is a necessary step for personal growth and liberation from the toxic relationship. The video ends with a call to action for viewers to subscribe and a reminder to face reality.
Mindmap
Keywords
๐กProjection
๐กNarcissistic Supply
๐กNarcissist
๐กLove Bombing
๐กPredator Mode
๐กManipulation
๐กGaslighting
๐กEmpath
๐กBoundaries
๐กChildhood Behavior
๐กUnconditional Love
Highlights
The importance of recognizing the mutual projection in narcissistic relationships.
People often project their desires and hopes onto narcissists, tolerating their behavior due to the desire for a positive relationship.
Narcissists manipulate by creating a false reality that victims hope to be true, causing them to stay in harmful relationships.
The cycle of hope and disappointment in relationships with narcissists, where victims are drawn back in by the promise of change.
Narcissists enjoy when victims project positive qualities onto them, as it allows them to continue their manipulative behavior.
The role of childhood experiences in shaping an adult's susceptibility to projection and narcissistic relationships.
Unhealthy people, lacking boundaries, are more likely to end up in relationships with narcissists.
The analogy of a cinema projector to explain the concept of projection in relationships.
Narcissists project their flaws onto others, blaming them for their own shortcomings.
The need for victims to stop projecting and face the reality of the narcissist's true nature.
The psychological impact of childhood abuse and its connection to adult relationships with narcissists.
The importance of recognizing and breaking the cycle of projection to avoid settling for less in relationships.
The self-awareness required to stop giving narcissists the benefit of the doubt and to see them for who they truly are.
The damaging effects of projecting positive qualities onto a narcissist and the need to stop this behavior.
The speaker's personal realization of their own projection and the need to change this pattern.
The final call to action for listeners to stop the projection, see people as they are, and avoid destructive relationships.
Transcripts
hello there it is is battleborn again in
this video I want to talk about
projection and I want to talk about
projection that goes on from the
narcissistic supply on to the narcissist
for a narcissistic relationship to work
or let me put it like this for a
relationship with a narcissist to work
it has to be projection both ways and
that is something that is very very
important to to notice that people that
have been with narcissists usually
project themselves onto the narcissist
and the narcissists project themselves
on to you and I will try to explain how
this works and that is the people that
narcissists usually get involved with or
people that badly want things to be good
they want it so bad that they are able
to see through a lot of to see the
things they hope are there basically
they are able to tolerate the
narcissists behavior solely because they
want the fake reality that the
narcissists create to be true and this
is very damaging and this is what causes
a lot of victims or supplies to stay in
relationships far longer than they
should the hope that the narcissist is
the one they were during love bombing
the hope that this person is the person
that is able to retreat just a little
bit every time you've had enough but
soon thereafter goes back into hunting
mode and predator mode and
destroys you a little bit more and then
you say enough is enough
but the narcissist is able to manipulate
you further on into the relationship
this is how it goes all the time it's
just like another step down into the
basement and when you project yourself
onto the narcissist you are giving the
narcissist the benefit of the doubt all
the time all the time doesn't really
matter anymore really what the
narcissist is doing at this point of
course the narcissist is not gonna do
something crazy but they're going to
remain within a certain framework but
they're always gonna let you down so you
project yourself onto them and the
narcissists love that you do this that
you're able to give them all your good
qualities think about it the narcissist
is really not a good person at all and
they know this but you since you want
this relationship to work are projecting
good qualities onto the narcissist
qualities that you hope is there
qualities that you need that you need
for you to be in this relationship you
need that those qualities to be there to
survive and to go on so you project
goodness you project your sense of humor
you project your own creativity you
project your own kindness and gentle
ways onto the narcissist the narcissist
is sitting back and thinking oh my god
or this is great I'm able to do a whole
lot of mischief I'm able to be
manipulative controlling bad I'm
treating this person like a doormat
still this other person the supply is
believing that I'm good and this usually
happens with people that is so badly in
need because usually people that get
together with narcissist let's just face
it is not healthy people themselves
healthy people when I say that with
boundaries because being a healthy
person involves having boundaries that's
why I made the video about you not being
an empath I don't believe anybody is
meant to be an empath an over sensitive
emotional person without boundaries that
are just giving that is not healthy and
that is also not something which is
survivable in nature and when we look
upon again projection the narcissist is
projecting their bad self onto you and
if you are used to that from childhood
let's say you had a narcissistic parent
and they did this to you during
childhood you're going to be susceptible
to being in that role again and you're
also going to be susceptible to
projecting because again this is
childhood behavior if you were growing
up with a narcissistic parent you had to
believe that that parent was good to you
otherwise you couldn't go for one more
day living at home children need to
believe that their parents are good to a
certain age we have to believe that so
what a lot of children do if they are in
an abusive relationship with their
parents is to project good qualities
onto them which is not really there
which is solely fiction to be able to
say to themselves that my mom or my dad
is a really good person when in reality
they are not and the same goes on
if you haven't discovered this trait
within you and this thing that goes on
it's like a if you think about a
projector in a cinema the projector is
projecting images onto a blank screen so
when you go into a cinema it's really
nothing on the screen everything is
projection is projection from the
projector back in the cinema so you're
actually just really watching a blank
screen
but since the projector is working you
think that you are seeing images on the
blank screen and this is what the
narcissist is they are a blank screen in
many ways they do not possess the
qualities that you believe they do you
want them to possess these qualities so
you project your good qualities onto
them so we have to realize this in order
to get to the core of what is really
going on in a narcissistic relationship
it's projection both ways the narcissist
is projecting onto you and you are
projecting onto the narcissist usually
this is what happens if the narcissistic
relationship is to work this must happen
because otherwise you would see the
narcissist for who they really are
so you're projecting a movie on to the
narcissist and a narcissist is thinking
like I said that you're really stupid
they might not say this to you but they
are really thinking that how much how
much more are you going to give how much
more are you going to to to do for them
I mean they know how little they do they
know how badly they badly they treat you
and they know all the secrets that you
don't know all the secrets about them
trying to get supply elsewhere cheating
lying
confusing you gas lighting you treating
you very poorly but since your projector
is still going on from childhood you
wanted this person to be someone else
you wanted your parents to be somebody
else and in hope that they someday would
love you in hope that they someday would
care for you the way that you wanted
them to care for you that they would
give you unconditional love so you
project this thing and the projector is
running still and a narcissist another
narcissist came into your life and hey
they saw that you're still projecting
you're still the one you're still that
kid that is projecting good qualities
onto other people when they are really
not deserving of it so the projection
like I said goes both both ways in a
narcissistic relationship the narcissist
they like to project bad things onto you
and the reason is the narcissist is a
false self the narcissist is perfect is
flawless is without any fault so every
bad thing that happens in their life is
someone else's fault it's someone else's
mistake they always have to blame
someone else and if you like I said is a
person with high tolerance a person with
a forgiving person a person that is able
to start over a person that has a lot of
good qualities but the narcissist is
abusing these qualities is abusing these
qualities within you so you're you're
able to look through a lot of bad
behavior in order to try to find the
little the little good that is there
there's a whole lot of bad things going
on but again back to the childhood you
usually people that end up with
narcissist have had the same experience
as a child you might have had a
narcissistic mother a narcissistic
father or both your parents were
narcissists and you were you had to look
for the good that was there to survive
and that's a very very good trait to
have at that very moment but when you
become an adult and to settle down for
less than good behavior bad behavior and
you still are able to try to find these
small little things that is good within
the person that is not a good thing when
you have become an adult because you are
settled for less than you're settle for
a very bad deal with a person that is
not giving you what you really need that
is abusing you but still you try to find
these small little glimpses of hope that
is projection and it's also an act of
hopelessness when you think about it
it's like you really don't have a lot of
choice do you if you settle for a person
like that and and and I'm talking about
psychological choice you don't believe
you're worthy of anything more than this
because this is what you got as a child
this is what you got when you were
growing up so you think that this is
what you have to settle for again
because this is this is really what you
are used to but you don't have to do
that and you have to stop projecting
good qualities onto a really bad person
a bad controlling person and you're
always giving them giving them the
benefit of the doubt you're always
giving them better qualities than they
really possess you're always giving them
more chances than they give you the
narcissist doesn't give you any chances
they will they will chop you down as
soon as your head
is above water level because they don't
want to see you succeed in anything they
know they don't want to see you being
good they don't want they don't want to
see you being liked by other people so
they're gonna chop you down as soon as
to see you succeeding in any way but you
you let them grow you want them to grow
you want the narcissist to be a good
person you want a narcissist to succeed
in life this is what they see you are
watering their tree while they are
poisoning your ground how long are you
going to do that so the projection needs
to stop you need to stop projecting
yourself onto the narcissist the
narcissist is not you the narcissist is
not the narcissist is not a good person
and I know I know this for a fact that
this happens because I've I've seen it
myself that I used to like give these
people so many chances it was ridiculous
ridiculous absolutely ridiculous it's
like why and I came to the came to the
conclusion that this was what I was
doing as a child I was doing the same
thing and I had to I had to give the
narcissistic parent more chances because
I wasn't I was in that position that I
had to do it so I just kept on doing it
as an adult but it has to stop and you
have to not only turn off your own
projector and see reality for what it is
you have to destroy that projector and
when you meet people you need to see
them for who they really are
and let them be themselves and if you're
doing that with a narcissist you're
gonna see through them and they're not
gonna like it
you're they're not gonna like you seeing
through them
they're gonna run or they're gonna fight
you either way it's not gonna work
so yeah that's what I want to say in
this video projection goes both ways
from the narcissist onto you and from
you on to the narcissist we like to
think that people are better than they
really are and we like to give people
way more chances than they really
deserve so thank you for listening in
please subscribe if you haven't and have
a good day
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