Stop Projecting Yourself Onto The Narcissist

Summary

This video delves into the concept of projection within narcissistic relationships, highlighting the mutual projection that sustains them. It explains how individuals often project their desires and positive qualities onto narcissists, who in turn project their negative traits onto them. The video emphasizes the damaging effects of this dynamic, drawing parallels to childhood experiences with narcissistic parents and urging viewers to recognize and stop this self-deceptive behavior to avoid being manipulated and to seek healthier relationships.

Takeaways

• 🔮 Projection is a two-way street in narcissistic relationships, with both the narcissist and the victim projecting onto each other.
• 🌟 People involved with narcissists often project their desires and hopes onto them, tolerating bad behavior due to the need for a positive relationship dynamic.
• 💔 The hope for the narcissist to maintain their idealized persona during the 'love bombing' phase keeps victims in the relationship longer than they should be.
• 🤔 Victims of narcissists often project their own good qualities, such as kindness and creativity, onto the narcissist, who in reality lacks these traits.
• 🧩 The concept of projection is likened to a cinema projector casting images onto a blank screen, with the narcissist being the blank screen devoid of the qualities attributed to them.
• 👶 Childhood experiences with narcissistic parents can predispose individuals to continue the pattern of projection into their adult relationships.
• 🚫 The narcissist projects their flaws onto the victim, blaming them for any faults or issues, while maintaining a facade of perfection.
• 🌱 The victim's tolerance and forgiving nature are often exploited by the narcissist, who takes advantage of these qualities to manipulate and control.
• 🛑 The need to stop the projection is emphasized, as it prevents the victim from seeing the narcissist's true nature and perpetuates an unhealthy relationship.
• 💔 The victim's sense of hopelessness and lack of self-worth, stemming from childhood, can lead to settling for less than ideal relationships as an adult.
• 🌳 The metaphor of 'watering the narcissist's tree while they poison your ground' illustrates the one-sided nurturing and destruction within the relationship.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is the concept of projection in narcissistic relationships, particularly how it works both ways between the narcissist and their victims or 'supply'.

Why do people often stay in relationships with narcissists for longer than they should?

People often stay in relationships with narcissists because they project their own desires and hopes onto the narcissist, tolerating bad behavior in the hope that the narcissist will revert to the idealized version they first presented during the 'love bombing' phase.

What does the script suggest about the type of person who gets involved with a narcissist?

The script suggests that people who get involved with narcissists are often those who badly want things to be good and are able to overlook negative behaviors due to their desire for a positive relationship dynamic.

How does the script describe the narcissist's perception of their victims?

The script describes the narcissist's perception of their victims as people who are easily manipulated and who project good qualities onto the narcissist, which the narcissist then exploits for their own benefit.

What role does childhood experience play in a person's susceptibility to projection in relationships, according to the script?

According to the script, if a person had a narcissistic parent during childhood, they may have developed a pattern of projecting good qualities onto others to cope with the abuse, making them more susceptible to falling into similar patterns in their adult relationships.

What is the 'blank screen' analogy used in the script to describe the narcissist?

The 'blank screen' analogy is used to describe the narcissist as someone who does not inherently possess the positive qualities that others project onto them, much like a blank cinema screen shows images only because of the projector.

Why does the script suggest that healthy individuals are less likely to fall into a narcissistic relationship?

Healthy individuals are less likely to fall into a narcissistic relationship because they have boundaries and do not tolerate abusive behavior, unlike those who project their needs and desires onto others without setting limits.

What does the script imply about the narcissist's behavior towards their victims?

The script implies that the narcissist's behavior is manipulative, controlling, and abusive, often treating their victims poorly while benefiting from the victims' projected positive qualities.

How does the script define 'projection' in the context of narcissistic relationships?

In the context of narcissistic relationships, 'projection' is defined as the act of attributing one's own qualities, often positive, onto another person, such as a narcissist, who may not actually possess those qualities.

What advice does the script offer to those who find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist?

The script advises to stop projecting positive qualities onto the narcissist, to see the person for who they truly are, and to stop giving them more chances than they deserve.

Outlines

00:00

🔁 The Cycle of Projection in Narcissistic Relationships

The first paragraph delves into the concept of projection within the context of narcissistic relationships. It explains that for such a relationship to function, there must be a mutual projection: the narcissist projects their idealized self onto you, while you project your hopes and desires for a positive relationship onto them. This dynamic is harmful as it often leads individuals to tolerate the narcissist's negative behavior due to their longing for a seemingly perfect relationship. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing this pattern to avoid being trapped in a damaging relationship for an extended period.

05:04

👶 Childhood Influences on Adult Relationships with Narcissists

The second paragraph explores how childhood experiences with narcissistic parents can predispose individuals to enter and remain in relationships with narcissists as adults. It describes how children often project positive qualities onto abusive parents to cope with their environment, a behavior that can persist into adulthood. The speaker uses the analogy of a cinema projector to illustrate how people project their own positive attributes onto the narcissist, who in reality lacks these qualities. This mutual projection is essential for the narcissistic relationship to continue, as it prevents the individual from seeing the narcissist's true nature.

10:06

💔 The Consequences of Projecting onto Narcissists

In the third paragraph, the focus shifts to the negative consequences of projecting one's positive qualities onto a narcissist. It discusses how narcissists exploit the individual's forgiving nature and high tolerance, attributing blame for their own shortcomings onto the other person. The speaker draws a parallel to childhood experiences where one might have had to find goodness in a narcissistic parent to survive, a trait that can be detrimental in adulthood if it leads to settling for less than desirable behavior in relationships. The paragraph highlights the need to stop the projection and see the narcissist for who they truly are.

15:08

🚫 Ending the Projection to Face Reality

The final paragraph concludes the video script by urging viewers to stop projecting their qualities and expectations onto narcissists. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and confronting the reality of the narcissist's behavior, rather than perpetuating a false image of them. The speaker warns that seeing through the narcissist's facade will likely result in their rejection or aggression, but it is a necessary step for personal growth and liberation from the toxic relationship. The video ends with a call to action for viewers to subscribe and a reminder to face reality.

Keywords

💡Projection

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where an individual attributes their own negative qualities or unwanted feelings onto another person. In the context of the video, it is a key concept describing how both the narcissist and their victims attribute their own qualities onto one another. The video explains that victims project their hopes and positive qualities onto the narcissist, while the narcissist projects their faults onto the victim.

💡Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic supply refers to the admiration, attention, and praise that narcissists crave and need to maintain their self-esteem. The script discusses how the interaction of projection between the narcissist and their victims serves to maintain the narcissist's supply, as the victims provide the narcissist with the positive attributes they need to feel superior.

💡Narcissist

A narcissist is a person with an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. The video script uses this term to describe individuals who engage in manipulative behaviors and exploit others for their own self-worth, often through the mechanism of projection.

💡Love Bombing

Love bombing is a tactic used by narcissists at the beginning of a relationship to shower the target with affection, attention, and praise to quickly establish control. The script mentions love bombing as the initial phase where the narcissist appears to be the ideal partner, setting up the victim's expectations and hopes.

💡Predator Mode

Predator mode is a term used in the script to describe the behavior of a narcissist who, after the initial love bombing phase, begins to manipulate and control the victim more aggressively. It illustrates the shift from the idealized phase to one of exploitation and abuse within the relationship.

💡Manipulation

Manipulation is the act of influencing someone's behavior or emotions through deceit or cunning. The video script discusses how narcissists use manipulation to maintain control over their victims, often through gaslighting or other forms of psychological abuse.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own sanity or perception of reality. In the context of the video, it is used to describe how narcissists distort the victim's perception, making them doubt their own experiences and feelings.

💡Empath

An empath is a person who is highly sensitive to the emotions and feelings of others. The script mentions that being an empath, or overly sensitive without boundaries, can make a person more susceptible to the manipulations of a narcissist, as they may be more inclined to project positive qualities onto others.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits or rules that a person sets for their relationships with others to maintain their own well-being. The video emphasizes the importance of having healthy boundaries to protect oneself from the negative behaviors of a narcissist and to prevent the projection of one's own needs and desires onto them.

💡Childhood Behavior

Childhood behavior refers to patterns or habits formed during one's early years that continue into adulthood. The script suggests that victims of narcissists may have developed projection as a coping mechanism during childhood, especially if they had narcissistic parents, and this behavior persists in their adult relationships.

💡Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is love that is given without any limitations or conditions. The video script touches on the theme of victims seeking unconditional love from their narcissistic partners, projecting their desires for acceptance and care from their childhood onto the narcissist.

Highlights

The importance of recognizing the mutual projection in narcissistic relationships.

People often project their desires and hopes onto narcissists, tolerating their behavior due to the desire for a positive relationship.

Narcissists manipulate by creating a false reality that victims hope to be true, causing them to stay in harmful relationships.

The cycle of hope and disappointment in relationships with narcissists, where victims are drawn back in by the promise of change.

Narcissists enjoy when victims project positive qualities onto them, as it allows them to continue their manipulative behavior.

The role of childhood experiences in shaping an adult's susceptibility to projection and narcissistic relationships.

Unhealthy people, lacking boundaries, are more likely to end up in relationships with narcissists.

The analogy of a cinema projector to explain the concept of projection in relationships.

Narcissists project their flaws onto others, blaming them for their own shortcomings.

The need for victims to stop projecting and face the reality of the narcissist's true nature.

The psychological impact of childhood abuse and its connection to adult relationships with narcissists.

The importance of recognizing and breaking the cycle of projection to avoid settling for less in relationships.

The self-awareness required to stop giving narcissists the benefit of the doubt and to see them for who they truly are.

The damaging effects of projecting positive qualities onto a narcissist and the need to stop this behavior.

The speaker's personal realization of their own projection and the need to change this pattern.

The final call to action for listeners to stop the projection, see people as they are, and avoid destructive relationships.

Transcripts

hello there it is is battleborn again in

this video I want to talk about

projection and I want to talk about

projection that goes on from the

narcissistic supply on to the narcissist

for a narcissistic relationship to work

or let me put it like this for a

relationship with a narcissist to work

it has to be projection both ways and

that is something that is very very

important to to notice that people that

have been with narcissists usually

project themselves onto the narcissist

and the narcissists project themselves

on to you and I will try to explain how

this works and that is the people that

narcissists usually get involved with or

people that badly want things to be good

they want it so bad that they are able

to see through a lot of to see the

things they hope are there basically

they are able to tolerate the

narcissists behavior solely because they

want the fake reality that the

narcissists create to be true and this

is very damaging and this is what causes

a lot of victims or supplies to stay in

relationships far longer than they

should the hope that the narcissist is

the one they were during love bombing

the hope that this person is the person

that is able to retreat just a little

bit every time you've had enough but

soon thereafter goes back into hunting

mode and predator mode and

destroys you a little bit more and then

you say enough is enough

but the narcissist is able to manipulate

you further on into the relationship

this is how it goes all the time it's

just like another step down into the

basement and when you project yourself

onto the narcissist you are giving the

narcissist the benefit of the doubt all

the time all the time doesn't really

matter anymore really what the

narcissist is doing at this point of

course the narcissist is not gonna do

something crazy but they're going to

remain within a certain framework but

they're always gonna let you down so you

project yourself onto them and the

narcissists love that you do this that

you're able to give them all your good

qualities think about it the narcissist

is really not a good person at all and

they know this but you since you want

this relationship to work are projecting

good qualities onto the narcissist

qualities that you hope is there

qualities that you need that you need

for you to be in this relationship you

need that those qualities to be there to

survive and to go on so you project

goodness you project your sense of humor

you project your own creativity you

project your own kindness and gentle

ways onto the narcissist the narcissist

is sitting back and thinking oh my god

or this is great I'm able to do a whole

lot of mischief I'm able to be

manipulative controlling bad I'm

treating this person like a doormat

still this other person the supply is

believing that I'm good and this usually

happens with people that is so badly in

need because usually people that get

together with narcissist let's just face

it is not healthy people themselves

healthy people when I say that with

boundaries because being a healthy

person involves having boundaries that's

why I made the video about you not being

an empath I don't believe anybody is

meant to be an empath an over sensitive

emotional person without boundaries that

are just giving that is not healthy and

that is also not something which is

survivable in nature and when we look

upon again projection the narcissist is

projecting their bad self onto you and

if you are used to that from childhood

let's say you had a narcissistic parent

and they did this to you during

childhood you're going to be susceptible

to being in that role again and you're

also going to be susceptible to

projecting because again this is

childhood behavior if you were growing

up with a narcissistic parent you had to

believe that that parent was good to you

otherwise you couldn't go for one more

day living at home children need to

believe that their parents are good to a

certain age we have to believe that so

what a lot of children do if they are in

an abusive relationship with their

parents is to project good qualities

onto them which is not really there

which is solely fiction to be able to

say to themselves that my mom or my dad

is a really good person when in reality

they are not and the same goes on

if you haven't discovered this trait

within you and this thing that goes on

it's like a if you think about a

projector in a cinema the projector is

projecting images onto a blank screen so

when you go into a cinema it's really

nothing on the screen everything is

projection is projection from the

projector back in the cinema so you're

actually just really watching a blank

screen

but since the projector is working you

think that you are seeing images on the

blank screen and this is what the

narcissist is they are a blank screen in

many ways they do not possess the

qualities that you believe they do you

want them to possess these qualities so

you project your good qualities onto

them so we have to realize this in order

to get to the core of what is really

going on in a narcissistic relationship

it's projection both ways the narcissist

is projecting onto you and you are

projecting onto the narcissist usually

this is what happens if the narcissistic

relationship is to work this must happen

because otherwise you would see the

narcissist for who they really are

so you're projecting a movie on to the

narcissist and a narcissist is thinking

like I said that you're really stupid

they might not say this to you but they

are really thinking that how much how

much more are you going to give how much

more are you going to to to do for them

I mean they know how little they do they

know how badly they badly they treat you

and they know all the secrets that you

don't know all the secrets about them

trying to get supply elsewhere cheating

lying

confusing you gas lighting you treating

you very poorly but since your projector

is still going on from childhood you

wanted this person to be someone else

you wanted your parents to be somebody

else and in hope that they someday would

love you in hope that they someday would

care for you the way that you wanted

them to care for you that they would

give you unconditional love so you

project this thing and the projector is

running still and a narcissist another

narcissist came into your life and hey

they saw that you're still projecting

you're still the one you're still that

kid that is projecting good qualities

onto other people when they are really

not deserving of it so the projection

like I said goes both both ways in a

narcissistic relationship the narcissist

they like to project bad things onto you

and the reason is the narcissist is a

false self the narcissist is perfect is

flawless is without any fault so every

bad thing that happens in their life is

someone else's fault it's someone else's

mistake they always have to blame

someone else and if you like I said is a

person with high tolerance a person with

a forgiving person a person that is able

to start over a person that has a lot of

good qualities but the narcissist is

abusing these qualities is abusing these

qualities within you so you're you're

able to look through a lot of bad

behavior in order to try to find the

little the little good that is there

there's a whole lot of bad things going

on but again back to the childhood you

usually people that end up with

narcissist have had the same experience

as a child you might have had a

narcissistic mother a narcissistic

father or both your parents were

narcissists and you were you had to look

for the good that was there to survive

and that's a very very good trait to

have at that very moment but when you

become an adult and to settle down for

less than good behavior bad behavior and

you still are able to try to find these

small little things that is good within

the person that is not a good thing when

you have become an adult because you are

settled for less than you're settle for

a very bad deal with a person that is

not giving you what you really need that

is abusing you but still you try to find

these small little glimpses of hope that

is projection and it's also an act of

hopelessness when you think about it

it's like you really don't have a lot of

choice do you if you settle for a person

like that and and and I'm talking about

psychological choice you don't believe

you're worthy of anything more than this

because this is what you got as a child

this is what you got when you were

growing up so you think that this is

what you have to settle for again

because this is this is really what you

are used to but you don't have to do

that and you have to stop projecting

good qualities onto a really bad person

a bad controlling person and you're

always giving them giving them the

benefit of the doubt you're always

giving them better qualities than they

really possess you're always giving them

more chances than they give you the

narcissist doesn't give you any chances

they will they will chop you down as

soon as your head

is above water level because they don't

want to see you succeed in anything they

know they don't want to see you being

good they don't want they don't want to

see you being liked by other people so

they're gonna chop you down as soon as

to see you succeeding in any way but you

you let them grow you want them to grow

you want the narcissist to be a good

person you want a narcissist to succeed

in life this is what they see you are

watering their tree while they are

poisoning your ground how long are you

going to do that so the projection needs

to stop you need to stop projecting

yourself onto the narcissist the

narcissist is not you the narcissist is

not the narcissist is not a good person

and I know I know this for a fact that

this happens because I've I've seen it

myself that I used to like give these

people so many chances it was ridiculous

ridiculous absolutely ridiculous it's

like why and I came to the came to the

conclusion that this was what I was

doing as a child I was doing the same

thing and I had to I had to give the

narcissistic parent more chances because

I wasn't I was in that position that I

had to do it so I just kept on doing it

as an adult but it has to stop and you

have to not only turn off your own

projector and see reality for what it is

you have to destroy that projector and

when you meet people you need to see

them for who they really are

and let them be themselves and if you're

doing that with a narcissist you're

gonna see through them and they're not

gonna like it

you're they're not gonna like you seeing

through them

they're gonna run or they're gonna fight

you either way it's not gonna work

so yeah that's what I want to say in

this video projection goes both ways

from the narcissist onto you and from

you on to the narcissist we like to

think that people are better than they

really are and we like to give people

way more chances than they really

deserve so thank you for listening in

please subscribe if you haven't and have

a good day