Overcoming Social Anxiety | Marielle Cornes | TEDxYouth@MBJH

Summary

The speaker shares their personal struggle with social anxiety after moving to a new school, highlighting the difficulty of making friends and the impact on their mental health. They discuss the importance of seeking therapy and the challenges of dealing with a mental illness that is often misunderstood. The speech calls for community support and understanding, urging listeners to be kind and to recognize the potential for mental health issues in those around them.

Takeaways

• 🏫 The speaker moved from Baltimore to Mountain Brook before seventh grade, which was a significant change from a small private school to a new environment.
• 👥 Despite attending a small school, the speaker struggled to make friends due to social anxiety, which made social interactions terrifying and difficult.
• 😔 The move to Alabama was devastating for the speaker, as they feared the process of making friends would be as challenging as it was in their previous school.
• 🤯 The speaker's social anxiety was so severe that even simple tasks like asking for a napkin were daunting.
• 🏠 After moving, the speaker felt isolated and lonely, which led to depression and a feeling of worthlessness.
• 🔍 It took time and multiple therapists before the speaker received a diagnosis of social anxiety, which was a turning point in understanding their struggles.
• 💡 The diagnosis of social anxiety was initially distressing, but it eventually led to the speaker seeking and benefiting from therapy.
• 🤝 With therapy, the speaker began to improve, learning strategies to overcome anxiety and slowly making friends.
• 🌐 The speaker highlights the importance of understanding and supporting those with mental health issues, as lack of understanding can exacerbate feelings of isolation.
• 📉 Statistics shared by the speaker emphasize the prevalence of mental health issues among high school students and the serious consequences of untreated mental illness.
• 🤲 The speaker encourages reaching out for help and being kind to everyone, as you never know who might be struggling with a mental illness.
• 👥 The speaker suggests making support groups mandatory in schools and businesses to combat loneliness and provide a safe space for those with mental health issues.
• 🌟 The speaker's personal journey serves as an inspiration and a call to action for the community to support and understand those with mental health challenges.

Q & A

Why did the speaker move from Baltimore to Mountain Brook?

The speaker moved to Mountain Brook because their parents decided to relocate the family to Alabama, which was a significant change for the speaker who had spent their early years in Baltimore.

What was the speaker's experience like in their small private school before moving?

The speaker attended a small private school with about 50 people in their grade. Despite the small size of the school, it took them from kindergarten to sixth grade to form a close group of friends.

What challenges did the speaker face in making friends due to social anxiety?

The speaker's social anxiety made it difficult for them to initiate conversations and interact with others, even in a small school setting. They struggled with the fear of being judged or rejected, which made it hard to make friends.

How did the speaker's social anxiety affect their life after moving to Alabama?

After moving to Alabama, the speaker's social anxiety was exacerbated by the new environment and the need to make new friends. They felt isolated and struggled to engage with their peers, which led to feelings of loneliness and depression.

What role did debate play in the speaker's life after the move?

Debate was an extracurricular activity that the speaker was involved in after moving. It provided a structured environment where they could participate without the immediate pressure of socializing, but it did not alleviate their feelings of loneliness or depression.

How did the speaker eventually come to understand their social anxiety?

The speaker sought help from a therapist after two years of struggling without improvement. It was through this therapy that they received a diagnosis of social anxiety, which helped them understand their struggles and seek appropriate treatment.

What strategies did the speaker adopt to overcome their social anxiety?

With the help of therapy, the speaker learned strategies to manage their social anxiety. These strategies allowed them to gradually improve their social interactions and start making friends.

Why is it important for people to understand and support those with mental illnesses?

Understanding and supporting individuals with mental illnesses is crucial because it helps to alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can be major contributors to the worsening of mental health conditions and even suicide.

What statistics did the speaker mention about mental health among high school students?

The speaker mentioned that one in every five high school students suffers from a mental illness, 50% of students with mental illnesses end up dropping out of school, and 70% of juvenile prisoners have a mental illness.

What is the speaker's challenge to the audience regarding mental health?

The speaker challenges the audience to be kind and approachable to everyone, as you never know who might be suffering from a mental illness. They also suggest making it mandatory for businesses and schools to provide support groups for those with mental illnesses.

What impact did the speaker's mother have on their journey with social anxiety?

The speaker's mother played a significant role by encouraging them to seek therapy, providing support, and being a source of strength during their struggle with social anxiety.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Struggling with Social Anxiety and Moving to a New School

The speaker shares their personal journey of moving from Baltimore to Mountain Brook before seventh grade, which was a challenging experience due to their struggle with social anxiety. Despite attending a small private school, it took them six years to form a close group of friends. The move to Alabama was devastating as they feared the difficulty of making new friends and the loneliness that ensued. The speaker's social anxiety made simple interactions terrifying, and their first year in Alabama was marked by isolation and a lack of social life, leading to depression. They highlight the importance of understanding and addressing mental health issues, as they themselves only began to improve after seeking therapy and receiving a diagnosis of social anxiety.

05:01

🌟 Raising Awareness for Mental Health and the Importance of Support

In the second paragraph, the speaker delves into the broader implications of mental health, particularly among high school students and juvenile prisoners, citing statistics to emphasize the scale of the issue. They discuss the challenges faced by those with mental illnesses, including the fear of seeking help and the potential for isolation to exacerbate their condition. The speaker shares their own experience with therapy and the slow progress towards improvement, advocating for the necessity of community support and understanding. They propose the idea of mandatory support groups in businesses and schools to combat loneliness and provide a safe space for those with mental health issues. The speaker concludes with a call to action for kindness and empathy, urging everyone to be aware of and assist those who may be suffering in silence.

Keywords

💡Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is a mental health condition characterized by an intense fear of social situations, often stemming from a worry about being judged or scrutinized by others. In the video, the speaker describes their struggle with social anxiety, which made it difficult for them to make friends and communicate in social settings. The term is central to the theme of overcoming personal challenges and seeking help to improve mental health.

💡Friendship

Friendship refers to a close bond between individuals, marked by mutual affection and support. The script discusses the speaker's difficulty in forming friendships due to social anxiety, which took them from kindergarten to sixth grade to establish a close group of friends. The concept of friendship is integral to the narrative, illustrating the importance of social connections and the impact of mental health on these relationships.

💡Mental Health

Mental health encompasses a person's emotional, psychological, and social well-being. The video's theme revolves around the impact of mental health issues, particularly social anxiety, on the speaker's life. It highlights the need for awareness, understanding, and support for those struggling with mental health challenges.

💡Therapy

Therapy is a form of treatment for mental health issues, where a trained professional helps individuals explore and understand their feelings and behaviors. The speaker mentions attending therapy as a crucial step in recognizing and addressing their social anxiety, which eventually led to improvements in their condition.

💡Depression

Depression is a common mental health disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest in activities. In the script, the speaker describes becoming depressed due to their inability to make friends and the isolation that resulted from their social anxiety.

💡Isolation

Isolation refers to the state of being alone or separated from others. The video discusses the speaker's feelings of isolation due to their social anxiety and the negative impact it had on their mental health. It emphasizes the importance of connection and support in overcoming mental health issues.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth is the value or esteem that a person places on themselves. The speaker in the video mentions feeling worthless during their struggle with social anxiety and depression, which is a common experience for those with mental health issues. Recognizing and improving self-worth is part of the healing process.

💡Support Groups

Support groups are gatherings of individuals who share similar experiences or challenges, offering mutual support and understanding. The speaker suggests making support groups mandatory in businesses and schools to help those with mental illnesses feel less alone and more understood.

💡Suicide

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death, often as a result of severe mental distress. The video mentions suicide as a leading cause of death among teenagers and one of the consequences of untreated mental illness, particularly when loneliness and isolation are involved.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. The speaker challenges the audience to be nice to everyone, as you never know who might be suffering from a mental illness. Empathy is crucial in providing support and understanding to those in need.

💡Community

Community refers to a group of people living in the same place or having common interests. The video emphasizes the role of the community in supporting individuals with mental health issues, suggesting that collective efforts can make a significant difference in someone's life.

Highlights

Moving from Baltimore to Mountain Brook in seventh grade and struggling to make friends due to social anxiety.

Attending a small private school with only 50 people in the grade but still finding it difficult to make friends.

Experiencing social anxiety from a young age, even being unable to ask a waiter for a napkin.

Feeling devastated about moving to Alabama and the fear of having to start over in making friends.

Suffering from loneliness and depression after moving, with no social life outside of school.

Struggling with the mental health impact of moving and the feeling of worthlessness.

The importance of seeking help and therapy after two years of not getting better.

Finally receiving a diagnosis of social anxiety and beginning to understand the issue.

Learning coping strategies in therapy to overcome social anxiety and seeing improvements.

The challenge of dealing with people who do not understand or accept the social anxiety diagnosis.

Statistics on mental illness among high school students and its impact on education and the justice system.

The fear and reluctance many feel in reaching out for help due to potential misunderstanding or loss.

The importance of community support and the role of support groups in combating loneliness.

The speaker's personal challenge to be a source of strength for others struggling with mental illness.

A call to action for everyone to be kind and understanding, as you never know who is suffering.

The proposal to make support groups mandatory in businesses and schools to provide a safe space for those with mental illnesses.

The powerful message of hope and the potential for recovery with the right support and understanding.

Transcripts

I moved to Mountain Brook from Baltimore

the summer before seventh grade before I

moved I went to a small private school

with about 50 people my grade you would

think that going to such a small school

would make it easier to make friends but

this was not the case in fact it took me

from kindergarten to sixth grade at my

previous school to really get a close

group of friends after six years I

finally got a group that I liked and all

was well when the worst thing happened

my parents broke the news to me that we

were moving to Alabama this crushed me

what if it took me another six years to

make friends now I didn't know it at the

time but there is a reason I struggled

to make friends I suffer from social

anxiety this means that for me talking

to people and making friends won't many

find simple and easy terrifies me when I

was younger I couldn't ask a waiter for

a napkin see what I mean

when I thought about moving I knew it'd

be hard if I couldn't talk to a waiter a

person I'll probably never see again how

was I supposed to talk to the people I

would be in school with until senior

year as I feared when I moved I was

immediately affected by my social

anxiety I was completely surrounded by

new people and felt the voice sucked out

of me for the first year after I moved I

didn't do anything outside of school

because I struggled to make friends I

was all alone I'd planned to go up and

talk to people but all I could see was

the worst case scenario I picture them

laughing at me or telling me to get lost

no matter how hard I tried to talk to

people I always ended up being scared

away and would end up avoiding it all

together at this time all I had was

debate I was a member of the team and

worked on school and this didn't make me

happy every child he's bounced between

school extracurriculars and social life

and my badge was thrown

off.this took a toll on my mental health

and I ended up becoming depressed there

are times when I hated my life I saw no

point to it I felt like I was worthless

at this time I would have done anything

to get away from my life in Alabama I'd

have given anything to move back to

Baltimore and be with my friends I felt

like nothing would ever get better

I could only picture myself suffering in

Alabama to this day I still occasionally

wish we had not moved however now I'm

able to see all that I had gained

because we didn't know that there was a

reason I struggled to make friends many

people didn't understand things that why

I couldn't do things such as speaking in

front of a group of people on my own it

would try to force me into doing things

that made me uncomfortable it took me a

very long time to try to get help I'd

gone to therapists back in Baltimore and

none of them had helped so we weren't

hopeful finally after two years of not

getting better

I decided to see another therapist this

is where I finally learned that I had

social anxiety now I finally knew about

what I was struggling with was an actual

issue at first this terrified me I hated

the idea that there was something wrong

with me soon however this diagnosis grew

on me because I knew I'd finally be able

to get help and get better there were

actually people who understood what I

was going through and we're going to be

able to help after a few weeks of

therapy my family and I started to

notice improvements I was able to adopt

strategies to overcome my anxiety and I

was getting better eventually I started

to make friends but even though things

were improving there were still dark

spots even though I did diagnosed

anxiety disorder people didn't always

accept it as fact there were still

things both socially and publicly that I

was not comfortable with doing one time

someone was trying to pressure me into

speaking in front of a group of people

which I was at the time I was not

comfortable with so I told this person

no they told me that this was ridiculous

and to not make up excuses it is moments

like this

that really shake me up people not

understanding makes me feel like a freak

like I don't deserve help because what

I'm suffering from is ridiculous during

the worst of my times I felt completely

alone I unfortunately am not the only

one who feels this way there are many

other people who is suffering from the

exact same thing and feel like they have

no one that could turn to for help in

fact according to the National Alliance

on Mental Health one in every five high

school students suffers from a mental

illness 50% of students with mental

illnesses end up dropping out of school

and 70% of juvenile prisoners have a

mental illness these numbers show how

big of an issue this actually is this is

not just something that we can ignore

all of these people felt like they had

no one they could turn to for many of

them it's scary to turn to a loved one

out of fear of being misunderstood or

worse losing them many of you may wonder

why can they've just done something on

their own the answer is quite simply

they can't I know from firsthand

experience that no one can solve a

mental illness on their own they try to

take steps forward but there are almost

always followed by immediate step

backwards I was not able to see

improvements until I reached out for

help

my mother watched me struggle for two

years and she was the one who encouraged

me to go into therapy and I was lucky

enough to have people who I felt could

help but many people are not so lucky

many people with mental illnesses feel

like nobody cares about what they are

suffering from and as a result some

don't even get confirmation that they

have a mental illness they just feel

like what they are suffering from is

normal this isolation can actually lead

to this problem getting worse in fact

according to Frederic Newman their

director of the anxiety and phobia

treatment center one of the leading

causes of suicide is loneliness people

people just like you and me have killed

themselves because they felt alone

mental illness may seem like a simple

fix but the repercussions of taking the

easy path out are unfathomable this is

not something we should have to think

about but suicide is one of the top

three leading causes of death among

teenagers so when you look around you it

is very likely that someone you're close

to

is either suffering from or close to

someone who is suffering from a mental

illness someone who you may view as

strong or happy might be suffering

although it is very hard to distinguish

someone who has a mental illness so

don't try

if someone confides in you about having

a mental illness help them but if you

don't know don't guess I myself didn't

even know I had a mental illness until I

got diagnosed I just thought it was

something I would grow out of so my

challenge to all of you is to just be

nice to everyone because you can never

know who is suffering being nice to

everyone

doesn't take going out of your way and

doing giant tasks just talk to people if

you see someone standing alone go up to

them and start a conversation for

someone with social anxiety these

conversation starters can mean

everything because they can't start a

conversation on their own for me in

seventh grade someone saying hello to me

made my day another idea I have to help

people with mental illnesses is to make

it mandatory for businesses and schools

to provide support groups for those with

mental illnesses this would give them

the opportunity to talk to people who

are suffering from the exact same thing

that they are as I mentioned before

loneliness is a big issue when it comes

to mental illnesses and this would

remind them that they are not alone I

too have struggled I know that that what

they are going through is hard and I

want to be someone that they can look to

for strength so we as a community need

to come together to help those around us

I challenge all of you to reach out and

help those around you be nice to them

and treat them the way they deserve to

be treated we

as humans have the power to make a

difference and we should be making a

difference in the lives of those

suffering from a mental illness no

matter who you are or where you come

from it is very likely that you are

close to someone with a mental illness

and there is no excuse not to help them

my mother was the one who did all this

for me and I am forever grateful ladies

and gentlemen we all need someone like

this thank you

[Applause]