The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | Robin Hauser | TED

Summary

The speaker, a middle child with an intense drive to compete and prove herself, discusses the 'competence/likability dilemma' faced by women. She explores how societal norms and unconscious biases often perceive assertive women as unlikable, contrasting with the qualities valued in leadership. Through personal anecdotes and research, she highlights the subtle sexism in modern society and urges for a redefinition of leadership that includes both genders without bias, advocating for women to focus on being effective leaders rather than seeking likability.

Takeaways

• 😤 The speaker, being a middle child, has always felt the need to compete and prove herself, yet struggles with societal expectations of femininity and likability.
• 🏋️‍♀️ The speaker describes her personality as intense and high-octane, traits that are often perceived negatively in women, leading to a constant battle to balance assertiveness with likability.
• 🤔 The script highlights the 'competence/likability dilemma' faced by women, where they are rarely seen as both competent and likable, unlike their male counterparts.
• 📚 A study by Professor Flynn at Columbia Business School demonstrated that changing a successful businesswoman's name to a man's did not affect perceptions of competence but did affect likability.
• 🚫 The societal bias against strong women is rooted in gender stereotypes that favor men as leaders and women as supportive and deferential.
• 🎥 As a documentary filmmaker, the speaker's curiosity is often met with dismissal, reflecting the undervaluation of inquisitiveness in women.
• 🤝 The unconscious bias against women in leadership roles is deeply ingrained and affects how they are perceived and treated, even when they outperform their male counterparts.
• 💼 The script points out that women are less likely to contribute in mixed-gender meetings, which can limit their visibility and recognition in professional settings.
• 💰 Women face a backlash when negotiating for themselves but perform better when negotiating on behalf of others, reflecting the perception of self-interest versus helpfulness.
• 🤔 The speaker encourages questioning snap judgments and biases, and to redefine the concept of leadership to include traditionally feminine traits.
• 🌟 The call to action is for women to focus on being effective leaders rather than seeking likability, which can help to redefine societal expectations of female leadership.

Q & A

What is the speaker's personal struggle with her competitive nature?

The speaker struggles with her intense desire to compete and prove herself, which is often perceived as aggressive and not easily contained by others. She tries to control her eagerness and be softer, but finds it exhausting.

How does the speaker describe the societal perception of her masculine traits?

The speaker describes that her masculine traits allow her to fit in with men, but not when she is in a position of authority over them. This reflects the societal bias where women with strong, assertive traits are not always seen as likable.

What incident at the ski resort made the speaker question gender perceptions?

The incident where a man assumed she was not interested in purchasing a timeshare because she was a woman made the speaker question why women are perceived differently when they assert themselves.

What is the 'competence/likability dilemma' as mentioned in the script?

The 'competence/likability dilemma' refers to the societal phenomenon where women are rarely perceived to be both competent and likable, unlike men, indicating a bias against women who display strong leadership qualities.

What experiment did Professor Flynn conduct to demonstrate the competence/likability dilemma?

Professor Flynn changed the name of a successful female venture capitalist, Heidi Roizen, to Howard Roizen in a case study and found that while both were rated equally competent, students were less likable towards Heidi due to her assertive behavior.

Why do societal gender norms create a dilemma for women in leadership roles?

Societal gender norms expect women to be kind, nurturing, and deferential, while leadership qualities such as assertiveness and decisiveness are traditionally associated with men, creating a conflict for women who want to be both likable and successful leaders.

What is the speaker's experience at a cocktail party that highlights gender bias?

At a cocktail party, the speaker's curiosity was met with the response 'it's complicated' when she inquired about a man's work in fintech, suggesting a bias that women wouldn't understand finance.

What is the unconscious bias and why is it problematic?

Unconscious bias is a survival heuristic inherited from our ancestors that influences our judgments without our awareness. It's problematic because it leads to unfair treatment and perceptions of individuals, such as finding strong women less likable.

How does the competence/likability dilemma affect women in politics?

The competence/likability dilemma affects women in politics by causing them to be judged more harshly and to suffer from a lack of likability when they display leadership traits, which can impact their election outcomes.

What is the difference in how women are perceived when negotiating for themselves versus for others?

Women are perceived as selfish when negotiating for themselves, which can negatively affect their likability, whereas when they negotiate on behalf of others, they are seen as helpful, which is more likable but may not be recognized as leadership material.

What advice does the speaker give to women to navigate the competence/likability dilemma?

The speaker advises women to focus on being awesome by being smart, compassionate, and effective leaders, which can help redefine the stereotype of what a female leader is, and to disregard the pressure to be likable in favor of being competent.

What steps does the speaker suggest to address unconscious bias and gender stereotypes?

The speaker suggests disrupting stereotypes, redefining leadership and femininity, speaking up against gender bias, questioning snap judgments, and focusing on competence rather than likability to address unconscious bias and gender stereotypes.