12 traits emotionally intelligent people share (You can learn them) | Daniel Goleman for Big Think+

Summary

Daniel Goleman, author of 'Emotional Intelligence', emphasizes the growing importance of emotional intelligence (EQ) in the future alongside cognitive abilities (IQ). He explains EQ as a set of learnable skills encompassing self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Goleman highlights EQ's role in leadership, where it significantly impacts team performance and organizational success, contrasting it with the fixed nature of IQ. He advocates for the integration of EQ in education and society to foster a kinder, more compassionate world.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Emotional intelligence is a crucial human ability that complements cognitive ability (IQ) and is essential for leadership and personal success.
• 📚 Daniel Goleman, author of 'Emotional Intelligence', believes that emotional intelligence can be learned and improved throughout life, unlike IQ.
• 💡 Emotional intelligence encompasses self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management—all of which are vital for personal and professional excellence.
• 👥 High emotional intelligence is linked to outstanding performance and effective leadership, where IQ becomes less relevant once a certain level of competence is achieved.
• 👂 Listening is a fundamental aspect of empathy and emotional intelligence; improving this skill can enhance one's overall emotional intelligence.
• 🔄 Neuroplasticity underlies habit change, which is essential for developing emotional intelligence competencies, such as better listening habits.
• 🌐 Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait; it is a set of abilities with strengths and limitations that can be identified and improved.
• 🌟 Leaders with high emotional intelligence inspire, motivate, and support their teams, leading to a more positive and productive work environment.
• 🌪️ Emotions are contagious, and leaders play a central role in spreading emotions throughout their teams, affecting performance.
• 🚌 The story of bus driver Govan Brown illustrates the transformative power of emotional intelligence in everyday interactions, even in unexpected roles.
• 🌱 Goleman envisions a society enriched by emotional intelligence, leading to more effective parenting, kinder interactions, and a greater care for the environment.

Q & A

What does Daniel Goleman believe will be one of the essential abilities needed in the future alongside emotional intelligence?

Daniel Goleman believes that cognitive ability, or IQ, will be one of the essential abilities needed in the future alongside emotional intelligence, even though AI might take over more cognitive tasks.

How does Goleman define emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence, as defined by Goleman, is a set of personal skills that we learn in life, including self-awareness, managing emotions well, empathy, and having effective relationships.

What was the significance of the book 'Emotional Intelligence' written by Daniel Goleman?

The book 'Emotional Intelligence' was significant because it was the first time that the concept of emotional intelligence became well-known to a popular audience, and it became an international bestseller.

Why did Goleman initially consider introducing emotional intelligence in schools?

Goleman initially considered introducing emotional intelligence in schools because he believed that children should learn early on how to manage themselves and others, which is part of social-emotional learning.

What are the four domains of emotional intelligence that Goleman talks about?

The four domains of emotional intelligence that Goleman talks about are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

How does Goleman describe the difference between people with high and low self-awareness in terms of developing other emotional intelligence abilities?

Goleman describes that people with high self-awareness are able to develop excellence across all areas of emotional intelligence, while those with low self-awareness struggle to develop strengths in other parts.

What is the importance of self-management in the context of emotional intelligence?

Self-management is important in emotional intelligence because it allows individuals to control their emotions such as anger or anxiety, preventing them from disrupting focus and maintaining effective interactions.

Why is social awareness crucial in emotional intelligence, and what does it involve?

Social awareness is crucial in emotional intelligence because it involves practicing empathy, understanding how others think and feel, and caring about them, which is essential for building trust and rapport in various relationships.

How does Goleman explain the difference between IQ and emotional intelligence in terms of their impact on leadership and performance?

Goleman explains that while IQ can determine educational and career success, emotional intelligence is what sets outstanding performers and leaders apart, as it influences how they manage themselves and interact with others.

What does research at the Yale School of Management suggest about the contagious nature of emotions and its impact on team performance?

The research at the Yale School of Management suggests that emotions are contagious, particularly from the leader outward. If the leader is in a negative mood, it can decrease team performance, whereas a positive mood can enhance it.

How does Goleman illustrate the practical impact of emotional intelligence through the story of the bus driver Govan Brown?

Goleman illustrates the impact of emotional intelligence through Govan Brown's story, showing how his warm and engaging demeanor transformed passengers' moods and made him a beloved figure, highlighting the power of emotional intelligence in everyday interactions.

What is Goleman's vision for the role of emotional intelligence in society, and why does he advocate for it?

Goleman envisions a society with more emotional intelligence, leading to more effective parenting, kinder interactions, and greater compassion. He advocates for it because he believes it would contribute to a better world.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

Daniel Goleman, author of 'Emotional Intelligence', discusses the distinction between cognitive ability (IQ) and emotional intelligence (EI). He emphasizes that while IQ is crucial for educational and early career success, EI becomes more important for outstanding performance and leadership. EI encompasses self-awareness, emotion management, empathy, and relationship skills. Goleman highlights that EI can be developed and improved over time, unlike IQ, and is essential for effective communication and conflict resolution in professional settings.

05:01

🌱 Developing Emotional Intelligence for Personal Growth

This paragraph delves into the malleability of emotional intelligence, contrasting it with the static nature of IQ. Goleman explains that EI can be learned and improved at any stage of life, and it involves a spectrum of abilities, each with its own strengths and weaknesses. He provides an example of how to enhance listening skills as a part of empathy, illustrating the process of changing habits through intentional practice. The paragraph also touches on neuroplasticity, which underlies the ability to change habits and behaviors.

10:01

🌟 The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Leadership and Organizational Culture

Goleman explores the impact of a leader's emotional intelligence on team dynamics and performance. He points out that the emotional state of a leader is contagious and can significantly influence the mood and productivity of their team. The research from the Yale School of Management supports this, showing that negative emotions from a leader can decrease performance, while positive emotions can enhance it. Goleman also shares a personal anecdote about a bus driver, Govan Brown, whose high EI transformed people's moods and made him a beloved figure, emphasizing the positive influence of EI in everyday life.

Keywords

💡Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions as well as the emotions of others. In the video, Daniel Goleman emphasizes that EI is a crucial set of personal skills that contribute to effective relationships and leadership. He mentions that EI includes self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and relationship management, which are all essential for outstanding performance in various professions.

💡Cognitive Ability

Cognitive Ability, often measured by IQ, is the mental capacity to process information, solve problems, and reason abstractly. Goleman points out that while cognitive ability is important for academic success and job placement, emotional intelligence becomes more relevant once one is established in a profession, as it differentiates outstanding performers and leaders.

💡Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness is the conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. In the context of the video, Goleman explains that self-aware individuals understand their emotions and how these emotions influence their thoughts and actions. It is a foundational element of EI, and those with high self-awareness can develop excellence in other areas of emotional intelligence.

💡Self-Management

Self-Management involves the ability to control one's emotions and impulses, particularly in challenging situations. Goleman cites examples of road rage and shootings to illustrate the importance of this skill in maintaining focus and preventing emotional disruptions. It is a key component of EI, essential for effective performance and leadership.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the capacity to understand and share the feelings of others. Goleman discusses empathy as a critical aspect of social awareness within EI, where one not only understands but also cares about the emotions and perspectives of others. This ability is highly valued in personal relationships and professional roles that involve influence and leadership.

💡Relationship Management

Relationship Management is the skill of building and maintaining good relationships with others. Goleman describes it as the ability to handle conflicts, communicate effectively, and establish rapport. It is the fourth part of EI and is vital for leaders who wish to inspire and motivate their teams.

💡Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity, or brain plasticity, is the brain's ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. Goleman uses the concept of neuroplasticity to explain how habits, including those related to EI, can be changed through intentional and repeated practice, making the uncomfortable become comfortable over time.

💡Social-Emotional Learning

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) is an educational approach that aims to develop a person's ability to recognize and manage emotions, display empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions. Goleman advocates for SEL in schools, believing that children should learn these skills early to manage themselves and others effectively.

💡Optimal Performance

Optimal Performance refers to the peak level of functioning where individuals can perform at their best. Goleman's book 'Optimal: How to Sustain Personal and Organizational Excellence Every Day' discusses how EI contributes to achieving this state, allowing individuals to give their best in their work and personal lives.

💡Leadership

Leadership is the action of leading a group of people or an organization. The video emphasizes that leaders with high EI are more effective, as they can inspire, motivate, and support their teams, leading to better performance and higher job satisfaction. In contrast, leaders lacking EI may have a negative impact on their organization's long-term success.

💡Emotional Contagion

Emotional Contagion is the phenomenon where emotions can be transferred from one person to another. Goleman cites research from the Yale School of Management to highlight how a leader's emotions can spread throughout a team, affecting the team's mood and performance, underscoring the importance of a leader's emotional state.

Highlights

Emotional intelligence will be one of the key abilities needed in the future, alongside cognitive ability and IQ.

AI may take over more cognitive tasks, but emotional intelligence will always remain a uniquely human ability.

IQ predicts school performance and career salary, determining the jobs one can get, like executive, doctor, or lawyer.

Once in high-level professions, emotional intelligence becomes more important than IQ for outstanding performance and leadership.

Daniel Goleman is a renowned author who has written extensively on emotional intelligence, with his book 'Emotional Intelligence' becoming an international bestseller.

Emotional intelligence encompasses self-awareness, emotion management, empathy, and effective relationship skills.

The concept of emotional intelligence has been discussed for centuries, but Goleman's book in 1995 popularized it for a wider audience.

Goleman initially aimed to bring emotional intelligence education to schools, advocating for social-emotional learning.

Emotional intelligence consists of four domains and twelve specific competencies that define high performers.

Self-awareness involves understanding one's emotions and how they influence thoughts and actions.

Self-management is the ability to control emotions like anger and anxiety without disrupting focus and performance.

Social awareness, including empathy, is crucial for building strong relationships and understanding others' perspectives.

Relationship management involves conflict resolution, effective communication, and building trust and rapport.

Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be improved at any point in life through learning and practice.

Common issues in emotional intelligence include poor listening habits, which can be consciously improved.

Neuroplasticity supports the change of habits and emotional intelligence abilities through repeated intentional practice.

Leaders with high emotional intelligence inspire, motivate, support, and guide their teams, creating an optimal work state.

Research shows that a leader's emotions are contagious, significantly impacting team mood and performance.

Leaders with low emotional intelligence can harm an organization by driving stress, burning out employees, and losing talent.

An example of emotional intelligence in action is bus driver Govan Brown, who positively impacted passengers' moods and created a loyal following.

Goleman believes that increasing emotional intelligence in society would lead to better parenting, kinder interactions, and greater environmental care.

Transcripts

You know, in the future, I think emotional  intelligence will be one of several abilities  

that we need. Another, of course, is cognitive  ability, IQ, and maybe AI will take over more  

and more of that. However, emotional intelligence  is a human ability and will always remain so. IQ  

predicts how well you’ll do in your school  years and how much salary you can make over  

the course of a career because it says what job  you can get into, like being a business executive  

or a doctor or a lawyer. But once you’re in those  professions, everybody else is about as smart as  

you are. That’s where emotional intelligence kicks  in. People who emerge as outstanding performers or  

the best leaders have high emotional intelligence,  and their IQ is not that relevant at that point.  

I’m Daniel Goleman. I’ve written many  books, mostly on emotional intelligence.  

That’s really my favorite topic. The book Emotional Intelligence,  

many years ago, was an international bestseller.  I’ve written now five books on the topic. My most  

recent is Optimal: How to Sustain Personal and  Organizational Excellence Every Day. Emotional  

intelligence is a set of personal skills  that we learn in life. It’s a combination  

of self-awareness, managing your emotions  well, empathy, tuning into other people,  

and putting that all together to have  harmonious or effective relationships.  

Emotional intelligence has been talked about for  centuries. Philosophers were talking about know  

thyself. That’s self-awareness. But when I wrote  the Emotional Intelligence book in ‘ninety-five,  

it was the first time that, for a popular  audience, emotional intelligence had become  

well known. I was a science journalist at  The New York Times back then, and I’d been  

covering a decade of research on the brain and  emotion. And in doing so, I came across a very  

obscure article called Emotional Intelligence,  and I loved the title. It was by Peter Salovey,  

who was just stepping down as the president of  Yale University, and his then graduate student,  

John Mayer. And I thought, Wow, what a great  phrase. It seems like an oxymoron. You don’t  

put emotions together with intelligence. But  actually, it’s being intelligent about emotions.  

When I wrote Emotional Intelligence, I was  actually thinking of bringing it to schools.  

It seemed to me that kids should learn  from the get-go how to manage themselves,  

how to tune into themselves, how to tune  into other people, how to get along, how  

to behave well, and so on. I was a big advocate  of what’s now called social-emotional learning.  

And from early on, my view of emotional  intelligence hasn’t really changed much,  

but I integrated it with findings from research  on outstanding performers. And I saw that  

different abilities of high performers,  like being able to manage your emotions,  

fit well in the model. And now I talk about  four domains of emotional intelligence and then  

twelve particular competencies of people  who are high in emotional intelligence.  

Self-awareness means you know what you’re feeling,  you know how it shapes your perceptions and your  

thoughts and your impulse to act. We find in  our research that people low in self-awareness  

are unable to develop strengths very well in  other parts of emotional intelligence. People  

who are high in self-awareness, however, are  able to develop excellence across the board.  

Self-management means when you’re upset,  when you’re angry, when you’re anxious,  

can you manage your emotions? Can you keep them  from disrupting your focus on what you have to  

do right now? We’re having more instances of road  rage, of shootings, of people blowing up at other  

people. There’s a growing need for people  in general to get better at this ability.  

The third part is social awareness,  which, in one sense, means practicing  

empathy. You not only know how the person thinks  and how they feel, you care about them. This is  

what you want in your parents. This is what you  want in your spouse. This is what you want in your  

lover. This is what you want in your friends. And  this is what you want in your teachers, doctors,  

leaders of any kind, people who have influence. The fourth part of emotional intelligence is  

relationship management. Can you handle  conflicts well? Can you keep yourself  

calm and listen to the other person? Are you  being an effective communicator? Full rapport  

means that you feel close, you feel you can  work with this person, you can trust them.  

Unlike IQ, which barely budges over the course  of our life, emotional intelligence can change.  

It’s learned and learnable. And it’s learned  and learnable at any point in life. Emotional  

intelligence is not one thing. It’s like going to  a doctor for a physical. You get your lipids and  

your good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. You get  fifteen data points. Emotional intelligence is a  

set of abilities, and each of us has strengths and  limitations across that spectrum. So if you want  

to improve your emotional intelligence,  see where you need to improve first.  

One of the common colds of emotional intelligence  is poor listening. You know, we think about what  

we want to say and we don’t really listen to the  other person. We cut them off. We interrupt. Let’s  

say you wanted to change that. This is a basic of  empathy, listening well. So if you want to learn  

to be better at empathy, you might say, "My habit  is cutting people off and interrupting. I’m going  

to make the effort to do it differently.  I’m going to listen to the person out,  

say what I think they mean, and then say what I  think." That is a different behavioral sequence.  

And it comes down to the basics of what we call  neuroplasticity, how the brain changes with  

repeated experience, and that’s what underlies  habit change. It’s a little like crossing your  

arms in a new way. Cross your arms in the old  way, please. Now cross them with the other arm  

on top. That feels uncomfortable. That’s what  it’s like to change a habit. So with listening,  

you have to, at first, make an intentional effort.  It might feel uncomfortable. But as you persist,  

it gets more and more comfortable until  finally, it’s an automatic habit that  

will stay with you for years. You know, I’ve gone around the  

world talking to different audiences,  and one of the things I love to ask is,  

tell me about a leader you’ve loved and a  leader you hate, and tell me one quality that  

makes a leader so good or so bad. Basically, the  leader you hate is low in emotional intelligence.  

They don’t manage their emotions very well. They  blow up at people, don’t empathize, they don’t  

tune in, they don’t understand how clueless they  are. The leader you love is high in it. Having  

a boss with high emotional intelligence means  you feel not only inspired, not only motivated,  

you feel supported, you feel guided, you feel you  have clarity about what’s expected from you. You  

give your best in your best state, in the optimal  state, not in a desperate, stressed-out state.  

Research at the Yale School of Management  has found that emotions are contagious,  

and they’re most contagious from the leader  outward. The leader is most often the center of  

strong emotions, either negative or positive.  And this very research by Sigal Barsade has  

shown that if the leader is in a negative mood,  very anxious, for example, people on that team  

will catch that mood and performance goes  down. If the leader is in a very positive mood,  

I feel really good, I feel enthusiastic, then  people catch that positive mood, and their  

performance as a team or as a group goes up. So the leader's state is actually much more  

important on the ability of people to do good  work than many people realize, particularly many  

leaders, actually. But if you have a leader that  you hate, for example, and sadly, too many people  

do, then you really don’t give your best. In fact,  you’re more likely to leave as soon as you can,  

particularly if you’re talented. So a leader  with low emotional intelligence is actually  

draining the organization in the long term. They  may get results for the quarter by driving people,  

by stressing them out, but they’re burning  them out and they’re going to lose good  

people. So in the short term, they may look  good. In the long term, it’s a disaster.  

I once took a bus up Madison Avenue in New York  City on a very hot, humid day. People had a kind  

of bubble around them, like, don’t touch me,  don’t talk to me, and I had the bubble too. I  

got on the bus, and the bus driver shocked me.  He looked at me and very warmly said, "Welcome  

to the bus. How’s your day going?" And then I  realized sitting on the bus that he was carrying  

on a conversation with everyone on the bus. "You’re looking for suits, are you? Well,  

there’s a great sale up here on the  right at this department store."  

"Did you see the exhibit in  the museum on the left?"  

On and on and on. Then people would get off that  bus, and they’d been transformed from kind of  

grumpy to pretty upbeat. It was kind of magical.  And years later, I saw an article in the New York  

Times about that bus driver. His name, it turned  out, was Govan Brown. He had fans. People would  

wait for his bus. He got three thousand letters  saying what a great bus driver he was, not one  

complaint. And he, it turned out, was the pastor  of a church, and he saw the people on his bus as  

part of his flock. He was tending to his flock.  He had a purpose that was far greater than that of  

the New York Transit Authority, which is something  like getting as many people to where they want to  

go on time as we can. He had a splendid sense  of what he was doing. It gave a greater meaning  

to what he did, and he did it superbly. I’ve always felt that the more emotional  

intelligence in society, the better. I think  we would have parents who are more effective  

in raising kids, who are kinder. We’d have more  compassion for each other in our interactions with  

friends and loved ones as well as with strangers.  I think we would care more about the environment,  

which is why I’ve been happy to be a kind  of evangelist for emotional intelligence,  

if you will. I’m not the originator of the  phrase. I think I made it more famous.  

I just think it would make a better world.