Why men should be gender equality allies | Lee Chambers | TEDxShoreditch

Summary

The speaker shares a transformative journey from physical illness and societal pressures of traditional masculinity to embracing vulnerability and allyship. Reflecting on personal experiences as a stay-at-home dad and witnessing women’s challenges, he discovers that men engaging in gender equality become better leaders, more compassionate, and self-aware. Highlighting research, he shows that allyship benefits both men and society—improving mental health, relationships, and overall life satisfaction. The talk reframes masculinity, presenting allyship not as a threat but as an opportunity for growth, courage, and authentic human connection, ultimately advocating for compassion, curiosity, and inclusive leadership.

Takeaways

• 💪 Masculinity is perceived to be under threat due to societal changes, mental health struggles, and declining life outcomes for men.
• 🏥 Personal adversity, such as illness or physical limitation, can catalyze deep self-reflection and growth.
• 👨‍👧 Fatherhood and caregiving roles can profoundly reshape a man's understanding of empathy, patience, and leadership.
• 🎓 Traditional measures of masculine success, such as dominance and status, may be less valuable than emotional intelligence and presence.
• 🤝 Allyship, defined as combining and uniting for equality, can transform men into more compassionate, self-aware, and effective leaders.
• 📊 Research shows men who engage in gender equality as allies experience reduced ego, less fear of mistakes, and improved relationships.
• 🌍 Societies with greater gender equality offer men better life satisfaction, mental and physical health, intimacy, and flexibility in work and parenting.
• 🌈 Engaging in allyship helps men break free from restrictive norms, fostering vulnerability, authenticity, and personal growth.
• 🥧 Gender equality is not zero-sum; collaboration creates a 'bigger pie,' benefiting everyone through diversity and inclusion.
• 🚀 Allyship is a journey that requires courage, curiosity, compassion, and persistence to overcome fear, judgment, and discomfort.
• 💡 Small actions of compassion and inclusion by men have a ripple effect, improving society, workplaces, and interpersonal relationships.
• 🔑 Redefining masculinity through empathy, allyship, and presence transforms both personal fulfillment and societal outcomes.

Q & A

What was the biggest challenge the speaker faced 10 years ago?

The biggest challenge the speaker faced 10 years ago was not just physical illness but the feeling that their masculinity was under threat. At that time, this was a significant concern for him.

How does the speaker describe the state of masculinity today?

The speaker describes masculinity today as being in crisis, with declining life expectancy, life satisfaction, and educational attainment for men and boys, alongside increasing addiction, suicide, loneliness, and mental health struggles.

What societal factors does the speaker suggest contribute to the perceived crisis of masculinity?

The speaker mentions several possible factors: women's equality potentially going 'too far,' unhealthy masculine role models, the liberal left blurring gender lines, and conservative movements advocating for a return to traditional masculinity.

What is the speaker’s conclusion about the biggest threat to masculinity?

After extensive research and personal experience, the speaker believes that the biggest threat to masculinity is not external forces but men stepping into roles as allies for gender equality.

How did the speaker’s personal experience with illness shape their understanding of masculinity?

The speaker’s personal experience with illness, where they lost the ability to walk and became physically dependent, led them to reconsider their former masculine traits like physicality, status, and independence. This experience deepened their empathy and understanding of vulnerability.

What significant role did the speaker take on after recovering from their illness?

After recovering, the speaker transitioned from being a CEO to becoming a stay-at-home dad, a decision which was initially criticized by others but became one of the most fulfilling experiences of their life.

How did the speaker’s role as a stay-at-home dad change their perspective on gender dynamics?

Being a stay-at-home dad made the speaker more aware of the gender dynamics in society. For the first time, they experienced discomfort and felt like an outsider in a space predominantly occupied by women, which led them to listen to the stories of oppression and discrimination faced by women.

What is allyship, and how did the speaker become involved with it?

Allyship is the act of supporting and advocating for those whose experiences differ from one's own, particularly in terms of gender equality. The speaker became involved with allyship through research, roundtables, and a mission to learn how men can actively contribute to gender equality.

What did the speaker find through their research on allyship?

The speaker's research found that men who engaged in gender equality as allies became better colleagues, leaders, and human beings. These men reported feeling less ego-driven, more compassionate, and more self-aware.

What societal benefits are associated with more gender-equal societies, according to the speaker?

In more gender-equal societies, men experience better life satisfaction, improved mental and physical health, stronger relationships, and greater opportunities for vulnerability. These societies also encourage more engaged fatherhood and better work-life balance.

How does the speaker view the relationship between masculinity and gender equality?

The speaker argues that engaging in gender equality as an ally does not undermine masculinity but rather helps men move beyond rigid societal norms. They believe that this shift leads to a more compassionate, flexible, and liberated version of masculinity.

What challenges does the speaker acknowledge men might face when stepping into allyship?

The speaker acknowledges that men may face fear of making mistakes, judgment from other men, and the discomfort of challenging established behaviors. However, they emphasize that allyship is a journey that requires courage, grace, and forgiveness.

What does the speaker mean by saying that allyship can set men free?

By engaging in allyship, men can break free from the traditional constraints of masculinity, moving away from fragility and toward ability. It allows them to embrace a more compassionate and open form of masculinity.

How does the speaker view the concept of 'winning' in the context of gender equality?

Initially, the speaker thought that supporting gender equality would mean losing something, but they later realized that by embracing gender equality, everyone benefits. It’s a 'win-win' situation where men, women, and society as a whole all gain from greater diversity and inclusion.

What is the overall message the speaker aims to convey in their talk?

The speaker's core message is that men can play a vital role as allies in gender equality, and that doing so enhances their personal growth, compassion, and overall well-being. By stepping up, men can reshape masculinity for the better, benefiting everyone in the process.