Dr. Laurie Santos: Happiness Problem #2b, Comparing to Other People. Science of Well-Being for Teens

Summary

The video script delves into the impact of social comparison on happiness, highlighting how reference points, such as salaries and social media portrayals, skew our perception of success and contentment. It discusses the tendency to compare ourselves unfavorably to others, leading to dissatisfaction despite our own achievements. The script also points out the flawed nature of these comparisons, as we often contrast our realities with others' curated highlights, which can result in a distorted view of our own lives and the lives of those around us.

Takeaways

• 💰 Money is often seen as a source of happiness, but it can create dissatisfaction due to social comparison and the desire to be richer than others, as noted by philosopher John Stuart Mill.
• 📊 Social comparison is the act of evaluating one's status, possessions, or salary against others, which can lead to negative feelings and irrational decisions.
• 🤔 People tend to compare themselves to those who are better off, which can result in a constant feeling of inadequacy, even when they are doing well.
• 💼 A study by Solnick and Hemingway showed that people would prefer to earn less if it meant they were earning more than their peers, highlighting the power of social comparison.
• 🏆 Unreasonable salary reference points, such as those seen on television or with celebrities, can skew perceptions of wealth and lead to dissatisfaction with one's own income.
• 📺 Watching more television correlates with higher estimates of others' wealth and lower self-assessment of one's own wealth, indicating the influence of media on financial perceptions.
• 🚗 Comparisons can also affect satisfaction with material possessions, such as cars, where seeing others with better items can diminish one's own happiness.
• 🏫 Academic performance is another area where social comparison can impact happiness, with students often feeling less satisfied with their grades when comparing themselves to high-achieving peers.
• 🌐 Social media amplifies social comparison by providing constant exposure to others' highlight reels, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness.
• 🤳 The curated nature of social media content means that people often compare their private struggles to others' public successes, leading to skewed perceptions and negative self-assessment.
• 🧐 Research indicates that people are prone to overestimating the positive experiences of others and underestimating their negative experiences, further exacerbating the effects of social comparison.

Q & A

What is the main idea discussed in the script about money and happiness?

The script discusses how money, particularly in the form of salary, often serves as a salient reference point for happiness, but this can lead to dissatisfaction as people tend to compare themselves to others who are wealthier.

Who is the philosopher mentioned in the script that noted the desire to be richer than others?

The philosopher mentioned in the script is John Stuart Mill, who noted that people often desire to be richer than others, not just to be rich.

What is social comparison and how does it affect our perception of our own status?

Social comparison is the act of evaluating one's own salary, status, possessions, etc., in relation to others. It can cause us to feel unsatisfied or 'crappy' because our brains tend to compare ourselves to those who have more, leading to a distorted perception of our own status.

What did the study by Solnick and Hemingway reveal about people's preferences regarding salary?

The study by Solnick and Hemingway showed that more than fifty percent of the participants preferred to earn less money ($50,000) if it meant they were earning more than others ($25,000) around them, rather than earning a higher salary ($100,000) where others earned significantly more ($250,000).

Why might using a reasonable salary reference point be beneficial?

Using a reasonable salary reference point, such as comparing oneself to others in the same job or organization, can help maintain a sense of fairness and satisfaction, as it provides a more accurate context for one's own earnings.

How does the script suggest that our minds pick up on unrealistic salary reference points?

The script suggests that our minds pick up on unrealistic salary reference points by observing that people often compare their earnings to those of rich individuals they see on television, which can lead to a skewed perception of wealth and dissatisfaction with one's own income.

What is the relationship between watching television and one's perception of wealth according to the script?

The script states that the more television one watches, the higher the estimated wealth of others and the lower the perceived value of one's own wealth, indicating that exposure to wealthy figures on TV can distort one's perception of wealth.

How do reference points affect our happiness about our possessions?

Reference points can affect our happiness about our possessions by making us feel inadequate when we compare what we have to the seemingly better possessions of others, such as cars or houses.

What impact do reference points have on students' happiness about their grades?

Reference points can negatively impact students' happiness about their grades by causing them to compare their performance to those who are doing better, even if they are performing well themselves, leading to a lack of satisfaction.

How does the script describe the effect of social media on our happiness about our looks?

The script describes social media as exacerbating the effect of reference points on our happiness about our looks by constantly presenting us with images of people who appear more attractive, leading to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction with our own appearance.

What is the 'highlight reel' concept mentioned in the script, and how does it relate to social comparisons?

The 'highlight reel' concept refers to the curated, best moments of people's lives that are shared on social media. It relates to social comparisons because it leads us to compare our own lives, with all their ups and downs, to these idealized representations of others, which can result in feelings of inadequacy.

Why are social comparisons on social media considered 'wrong' according to the script?

Social comparisons on social media are considered 'wrong' because they are based on incomplete information; we see the best moments of others but not their struggles, leading to a distorted and inaccurate comparison that can negatively affect our self-perception and happiness.

Outlines

00:00

💰 The Impact of Money and Social Comparison on Happiness

This paragraph delves into the complex relationship between money, happiness, and social comparison. It highlights the idea that money often serves as a salient reference point, with people striving not just to be rich, but richer than others, as noted by philosopher John Stuart Mill. The concept of social comparison is introduced, where individuals evaluate their status, possessions, and even relationships relative to others, which can lead to negative emotions. A study by Solnick and Hemingway is referenced, showing that people might prefer earning less if it means being better off than their peers. The paragraph also touches on the irrationality of using unrealistic reference points, such as celebrities' wealth, which can skew one's perception of their own financial situation and happiness.

05:01

📚 The Role of Reference Points in Academic and Aesthetic Self-Perception

This paragraph explores how reference points can affect one's happiness regarding academic performance and physical appearance. It discusses the tendency of students to compare their grades with peers, which can diminish their sense of achievement even if they are performing well. The paragraph also addresses the influence of media and social platforms on body image, where constant exposure to images of beauty can lead to dissatisfaction with one's own looks. The generational shift in exposure to others' appearances is noted, with the advent of television and the internet exacerbating these comparisons. The paragraph emphasizes the flawed nature of social media comparisons, where people often present their best moments while hiding their struggles, leading to a distorted perception of others' lives and an inaccurate self-assessment.

10:03

🤔 The Misjudgment of Social Comparisons and Their Emotional Consequences

The final paragraph focuses on the inaccuracies inherent in social comparisons and their emotional impact. It points out that people tend to overestimate the positive experiences of others while underestimating their negative experiences, leading to a skewed perception that can negatively affect self-esteem and happiness. The paragraph references a study by Jordan and colleagues that demonstrates this misjudgment, showing that individuals often predict more positive events for others than actually occur and fail to recognize the negative events that others experience. This misperception is compounded by the curated nature of social media, where people share their 'highlight reels' but hide their 'blooper reels,' creating an unrealistic standard of comparison that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction.

Keywords

💡Social Comparison

Social comparison refers to the act of evaluating one's own status, possessions, or achievements in relation to others. It is a key concept in the video, illustrating how people often measure their happiness and success by comparing themselves to others, which can lead to dissatisfaction. The script discusses how social comparison can cause individuals to make irrational decisions, such as choosing a lower salary to be better off than their peers, as demonstrated in the study by Solnick and Hemingway.

💡Reference Points

Reference points are the standards or benchmarks that individuals use to evaluate their own situation. In the context of the video, reference points are shown to significantly influence happiness and satisfaction. The script explains that people often use unrealistic reference points, such as the wealth portrayed on television, which can distort their perception of their own financial status and lead to feelings of inadequacy.

💡John Stuart Mill

John Stuart Mill is a philosopher mentioned in the script to highlight the idea that people's desire for wealth is often driven by the desire to be richer than others, rather than an absolute amount of money. This concept is used to underscore the point that social comparison can lead to a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction, as there will always be someone with more.

💡Happiness

Happiness is the central theme of the video, exploring how it is affected by social comparison and reference points. The script discusses various studies that show people's happiness is often tied to how they perceive themselves in relation to others, rather than absolute measures of success or wealth. For example, the script mentions that people might prefer a lower salary if it means they are earning more than their peers.

💡Salient

In the script, 'salient' is used to describe something that is prominently noticeable or particularly important. The concept is applied to reference points, such as salary, which are very noticeable and can greatly influence a person's self-evaluation and happiness. The term helps to emphasize why certain reference points have a strong impact on social comparisons.

💡Television

Television is mentioned in the script as a medium that provides unrealistic reference points for wealth and lifestyle, which can skew people's perceptions of what is normal or desirable. The script cites a study showing that the more television one watches, the higher their estimate of others' wealth and the lower their assessment of their own, contributing to feelings of inadequacy.

💡Social Media

Social media is discussed in the script as a modern platform that exacerbates social comparison by providing constant exposure to others' curated highlights, which can lead to negative self-assessment. The script points out that people often compare their own realities to others' highlight reels, which can result in a distorted view of one's own life and happiness.

💡Highlight Reel

The term 'highlight reel' is used in the script to describe the selective presentation of one's best or most attractive moments, often seen on social media. It contrasts with the 'blooper reel' of one's own life, which includes the less glamorous or imperfect moments. The script uses this concept to illustrate the flawed nature of social comparisons, as people tend to compare their full reality with others' selective highlights.

💡Beyonce

Beyonce is used in the script as an example of an extreme reference point that people might inappropriately use for comparison, such as in evaluating their own salary or possessions. The mention of Beyonce serves to illustrate the point that using unrealistic or exceptional examples as reference points can lead to unnecessary feelings of inadequacy.

💡Grades

Grades are mentioned in the script as another area where social comparison can affect happiness. The script explains that even if a student is performing well, knowing that others are doing better can diminish their sense of accomplishment. This concept is used to show how social comparison can influence one's perception of success and self-worth.

💡Looks

Looks are discussed in the script as a common area for social comparison, especially with the prevalence of images of attractive people in media and on social platforms. The script uses the example of Sophia Loren and Jane Mansfield to illustrate how even someone who is objectively attractive can feel less so when compared to someone else, highlighting the impact of social comparison on self-perception and happiness.

Highlights

Money is often assumed to bring happiness, but it can create dissatisfaction due to salient reference points, such as salary comparisons.

Social comparison is the act of evaluating one's status, possessions, and life against others, often leading to negative emotions.

A study by Solnick and Hemingway showed that people would prefer to earn less if it meant being better off than others.

Reference points can be unreasonable and based on unrealistic standards, such as celebrities' wealth seen on TV.

Salient reference points can distort our perception of our own earnings and possessions, making us feel less satisfied.

Social comparison can negatively impact our happiness about our grades, especially when comparing to high-achieving peers.

Reference points can affect our happiness about our looks, with constant exposure to images of 'prettier' people.

Social media exacerbates social comparison by providing a constant stream of highlight reels from others' lives.

We often compare our internal struggles to others' external successes, leading to inaccurate social comparisons.

A study by Jordan and colleagues found that we overestimate the positive experiences of others and underestimate their negative experiences.

Social media contributes to skewed social comparisons by showcasing only the best aspects of people's lives.

The impact of social comparison on happiness is significant and can be influenced by various factors, including media exposure.

Reference points can be misleading, as they are often based on what we notice rather than a rational evaluation of our situation.

Social comparison can lead to irrational decisions, such as choosing a lower salary to out-earn peers.

The transcript emphasizes the importance of being aware of the influence of social comparison on our perceptions and happiness.

Social comparison can affect various aspects of life, including salary, possessions, grades, and physical appearance.

The transcript suggests that understanding and managing social comparisons can lead to improved well-being and satisfaction.

Transcripts

foreign

let's go to a topic we talked about

before money we assume money is going to

make us happy but money often has very

Salient reference points particularly

the salary that we have often has a very

Salient reference point and this is very

Salient in fact this philosopher John

Stuart Mill once noted Ben did not

desire to be rich but they desire to be

richer than other men and that always

because again there's always be some

other man out there that's richer than

you it's going to make you feel kind of

crappy and this is a real phenomena

which reference points mess us up Social

comparison which we're going to Define

is the act of evaluating not just your

salary and your money but your status

your possessions your spouse your

whatever versus somebody else and the

mean thing about social comparison is

that our brains tend to pick that other

person who has that that has a much

better thing than us this is social

comparison and it can cause us to do

some downright dumb things when it comes

to the things that might make us happy

one study that showed this by solnick

and Hemingway looked at this they looked

at whether people were willing to give

up real income just to be better than

other people and so here was the the

question they posed to Harvard students

which of these two salary possibilities

would you prefer option number one is

that you're going to earn fifty thousand

dollars and everybody around you is

going to earn twenty five thousand

dollars you're making relatively more

money or option two is that you could

earn a hundred thousand dollars but

everybody else at your company who works

in the same position as you they're

getting 250 000 which of these would you

want now you assume that Harvard

students would take twice the salary but

in fact more than fifty percent of them

would prefer this option they'd reduce

their income by half just to be beating

everybody else which is kind of silly in

absolute terms but makes sense with

social comparison that's kind of uh the

bad way to do it but you might say like

well maybe there's a reasonable salary

reference point you could use right

maybe it's weird if everybody doing the

same job as you at your organization is

like making less money than you you know

if you have a summer job and you're

earning like 15 an hour and everybody

else is earning thirty dollars an hour

you might be like hang on there's

something wrong with this situation

right and so for me like you know maybe

if I was comparing my salary against

this guy this is Tom near he's another

Yale Professor another head of college

if he was earning way more than me I'd

be like hang on what's up right but I

shouldn't use for example Beyonce's

salary as a reference point right that

would be we have a different job we have

different skill sets that would just

make me feel unnecessarily bad right but

it turns out that this is yet another

way our mind sucks which is that we

don't just use reasonable reference

points our mind soaks up and evaluates

our own situation based on whatever

reference point we happen to notice in

whatever domain whether that's salary

our bodies our grades whatever if you

see it it's going to affect your

evaluation how do we know this well in

the salary domain we know this because

people pick up on salary reference

points that are unrealistic all the time

and one of the unrealistic reference

points we often see are the people we

see on television right like Real

Housewives of Beverly Hills or Empire

right you see a lot of rich people on

television that shouldn't be your your

standard for wealth but it turns out

people use it as such and we know this

from one study that found that the more

TV watching you do the higher you

estimate other people's wealth do you

think the average person is more wealthy

the more television you watch and

interestingly the more television you

watch overall the lower the average you

think of your own wealth so if you watch

a lot of Television you think whatever

you earn is probably less than a person

who didn't watch that much television

thinks so just seeing these other

reference points they're getting in and

making you think well I'm not earning

any money because you're watching like

real housewives out there and so

reference points mess up our sense of

how much we're earning it also messes up

our sense of having awesome stuff right

and we kind of get this when you see the

Fantastic stuff of other people yours

feels kind of bad like I have a car

that's like fine it runs fine whatever

but if I start looking at Beyonce's car

I'm like man my car kind of sucks right

like you can feel bad about your own

stuff based on other people's you know

so much so you have a nice meme for this

if your neighbor's car is ugly that

actually helps your happiness because

you don't feel so bad about your other

stuff right that that's awesome stuff

but I think more Salient for you all is

that your reference points are the kinds

of things that might mess up your

happiness about your grades and if

you're not getting perfect grades

chances are there's someone in your high

school who is there's someone in your

high school who's doing better than you

in terms of the GPA and that means even

if you're doing okay you might not feel

so good so because other students are

doing better and this is even more

problematic for the students who are in

the highest levels so if you're

competing with other AP students chances

are they're doing really well your

comparison group probably is no longer

the whole high school it's like the

other students who are in the best

highest level classes that means even

though you might be beating many

students at your school you're not

getting the kind of Happiness boost that

comes from it because your comparison

group Narrows Narrows Narrows to just

the very people who make you feel worst

about yourself thank you reference

points really bad stuff so that was how

reference points affect our happiness

about our grades but at reference points

of our happiness about pretty much

everything and I think one of the

biggest ones that FX teens today is that

reference points affect your happiness

about your looks objectively you all

look great you're awesome but if you

compare yourself against other people

there's probably always somebody even if

you look great that's going to look

better than you and this is where I

share this very famous photo of Sophia

Loren who is quite beautiful herself but

when she looks over at Jane Mansfield

she's kind of not feeling that good

about herself right and this is a famous

photo I think because everybody relates

to it right there's always the prettier

girl in the room as it were right but

your generation has more prettier people

not because there's objectively better

looking people around but because you

have to look at more and more people

right I mean think about it before the

1950s people just didn't see that many

people but then television came around

and now you're looking at all these

beautiful actors and actresses that

you're kind of looking at all the time

and your generation has it even worse

because you don't just have television

you have magazines that show you these

glossy supermodels and things and of

course you have the internet where right

on display on tick tock on Instagram are

like the most beautiful people out there

and again remember this really stupid

feature of reference points you don't

look at a glossy photo magazine or look

at an Instagram model and think that's

not the right reference point to use I'm

just high school student like I don't

have like hordes of people who are

focusing on my diet and my hair and my

exercise and all this stuff you just

think ah reference point that makes me

feel bad and your brain soaks it up and

so social media isn't just bad for body

comparisons I think social media is like

a whole network of giving you

comparisons about all kinds of things

that are going to make you feel bad

because you're getting lots and lots of

reference points on social media and

that means you're kind of comparing

everything you experience on social

media to yourself and it often makes you

feel bad and this can lead to lots and

lots of comparisons that make us feel

unhappy just another Meme here that one

of my Yale students made you're just

going around trying to love yourself and

there's your stupid friend on social

media keeps going to Italy and you're

like why don't I get to go and feel

really bad right but there's a

particularly bad thing about all these

social comparisons that happen on social

media it's not just that they happen and

that they're kind of bad and we could

avoid them is that we're really bad at

doing the comparisons we're getting the

comparisons all wrong it's not just that

we compare ourselves against these

extreme examples of beauty or money or

whatever we don't even get the

comparison right what do I mean by that

I mean with the science fiction writer

Corey doctorow once talked about which

is he quoted as saying it cannot be

repeated too much that you live your own

blooper reel and experience everyone

else's highlight reel I think the

problem with social media is people are

putting together their perfect highlight

reel where they look beautiful and happy

and Rich and whatever especially in the

public version but in the private

version what's going on inside their

brains what's going on in the background

might not be so good you might see an

Instagram picture that looks like this

where you look at these people like oh

my gosh my friends are so happy and like

they're doing all this fun stuff and on

this vacation but you don't know what's

going on on your inside you're comparing

your insides of what you're thinking to

their outsides and if you looked at

their insides they might be thinking

something like I hate my body completely

anxious right now but High look or you

know I'm pretending to have fun but like

I have so much work I need to get back

to like applying for colleges and all

this stuff like you don't see any of

that is it's just gone and this is the

problem that what the research shows is

that we get the comparisons really wrong

because we don't have access to the same

stuff and one of my favorite studies

that looked at this came from Jordan and

colleagues where they really tried to

explicitly look at how off are our

predictions about what's going on with

the good and bad things that are

happening to other people and so they

brought first-year students in and had

them estimate the number of positive and

negative experiences other first-year

college students had so they're kind of

guessing how many like good and bad

things are happening but then they also

said how often those things happen to

them and that means that the researchers

have an accurate guess about like how

often good and bad things happen versus

your estimate of how often these happen

to other people and we can just ask

whether or not those match up and so

here's what what Jordan at all found

when they were looking at positive

experiences so a positive experience be

like how many people do you think in

your school for example attended a fun

party like in their estimate for these

college First Years 62 how many went to

an athletic game that they enjoyed how

many went out with their friends how

many had a great meal how many a higher

grade than than they expected that's the

estimate but when you look at the actual

what the actual percentages are in every

single case the actual percent of people

who had the like good thing happen is

usually less than like people are

predicting so we're overestimating the

positive things that are happening to

other people that's the positive stuff

but when you look at the negative things

the pattern is even worse like so let's

look at negative events that could

happen your first year at College you

have a fight with your roommate you

thought about missing your friends you

kind of were rejected by somebody you

were trying to date you thought about

all your bad habits and felt really bad

about yourself you received a lower

grade than you expected those are the

estimates but here's what happens in the

actual in these cases they're not just

like like higher than people predict

they're often in many cases way higher

than people predict and the researchers

figured out why which is something

negative happens to you in college it's

not like you announce it like on

Instagram you try to effortfully hide it

so nobody knows and that means that

we're just like not working with the

right social comparisons we're not like

tracking all the good and bad things

that happen to people accurately and so

all that goes to say that we're over

we're estimating other people's good

stuff and we're really underestimating

other people's bad stuff so we're making

all these social comparisons in some

cases automatically and make us feel

terrible and those comparisons are just

wrong