Sex is about power: the fantasy of most men

Summary

Dr. Orion Taban discusses the provocative idea that sex is ultimately about power, building upon Oscar Wilde's apocryphal quote. He explores how sexual selection and attraction are influenced by power dynamics, both physical and social. The video delves into male pornography's transgressive nature as a form of power wish-fulfillment, and how even men with real power may seek experiences that involve losing control. Taban examines the psychological and social undercurrents behind sexual fantasies and pornography, shedding light on human desires for dominance, submission, and the complex relationship between sex and power.

Takeaways

• 😀 Sex is about power, as discussed in Oscar Wilde's apocryphal quote, 'Everything is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.'
• 😀 The idea that sex reflects power dynamics is explored through the lens of sexual selection, where powerful men attract more women.
• 😀 Attractiveness is often used to gauge the social power of men, as women tend to be drawn to those with greater social strength.
• 😀 Male pornography frequently reflects fantasies of power, often depicting aggression and violation as a wish-fulfillment for power.
• 😀 Despite the transgressive and sometimes violent nature of male pornography, it doesn't lead to increased real-life aggression because it is a fantasy outlet.
• 😀 Male pornography can also be transgressive by breaking social norms, as the violation of rules is sexually alluring due to the perceived power of the man.
• 😀 The more socially powerful a man is, the more attractive he is perceived to be by women, leading to rule-breaking sexual behavior in some cases.
• 😀 The common portrayal of powerful men in pornography as dominant or aggressive is a reflection of the wish to experience power in a world where the average man feels increasingly powerless.
• 😀 Men with real power often have fantasies of being humiliated or objectified, as their fantasies reflect the opposite of their real-world experiences of control.
• 😀 Men with power may seek out transgressive experiences, such as those in BDSM or dominance/submission scenarios, to explore power dynamics and release control.
• 😀 Ultimately, male pornography serves as an outlet for the average man to vicariously experience the sexual power and attraction that only the most powerful men experience in real life.

Q & A

What is the core claim of the Oscar Wilde quote discussed in the video?

The core claim of the Oscar Wilde quote is that 'everything is about sex except sex, which is about power.' The video unpacks this statement by discussing how sex, especially in the context of male sexuality, is deeply intertwined with power dynamics.

What does the video suggest about how sex is used as a means of establishing power?

The video suggests that sex is not just a biological act but also a social mechanism to establish and reinforce power dynamics, particularly in men. It argues that sexual selection is a clear method of ranking men based on their social and physical power.

How does the video explain the popularity of male pornography?

The video argues that male pornography serves as a form of wish fulfillment, where men, often feeling powerless in real life, fantasize about aggression and violation in sexual contexts as a way to experience power vicariously.

What are the two general ways in which male pornography is transgressive, according to the video?

Male pornography is transgressive in two ways: through aggression and violation. Aggressive depictions of sex fulfill the fantasy of power by showing men taking what they want without consequence, while violation involves breaking social norms or taboos, further emphasizing a sense of dominance and power.

What does the video say about the role of taboo in sexual attraction?

The video suggests that taboo and forbidden fruit are intrinsically linked to sexual attraction. The more a sexual act is considered inappropriate or off-limits, the more alluring it becomes, which is tied to the perception of power and the dominance of the person initiating the act.

How does the video explain the dynamics of power in sexual relationships?

The video posits that power in sexual relationships is often marked by the ability of a man to command attraction from women. Women are perceived to break more rules or engage in more sexual acts for men they find powerful, reinforcing the idea that sex is closely tied to power.

What is the significance of high-powered men seeking submissive sexual experiences?

The video highlights a paradox where high-powered men, who typically hold significant control in their professional lives, often seek submissive or humbling experiences in their sexual fantasies. This may stem from a desire to relinquish power in an intimate space, reflecting the human tendency to seek experiences that contrast with one's dominant role in other aspects of life.

What does the video suggest about the relationship between power and male sexual fantasies?

The video suggests that for most men, sex is a reflection of power dynamics, with men often fantasizing about taking control in sexual scenarios. However, for men with real power, the reverse can happen, where they fantasize about being submissive or humiliated as a way to experience vulnerability and a lack of control.

How does the video explain the difference between male pornography and the fantasies of powerful men?

While most male pornography reflects a desire for dominance and control, fantasies of powerful men often involve scenarios where they are the ones being dominated or humiliated. This contrast suggests that power is not always about seeking more control but sometimes about exploring what it feels like to have less control in a safe, fantasy-based environment.

What is the broader psychological implication of the prevalence of pornography, according to the video?

The video implies that the prevalence of pornography, especially male-focused content, reflects a broader societal sense of powerlessness among men. Pornography, as a wish-fulfilling fantasy, serves as an outlet for men to experience power in ways that they may not be able to in their everyday lives.