Six Signs of a Covert Narcissistic Father

Summary

In this video, Dar explores the signs and traits of a covert narcissistic father. Unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists exhibit grandiosity in a more internalized manner, feeling misunderstood and unfairly treated. These fathers often display emotional distance, passive aggression, and a need for control, manipulating their children through guilt and sympathy. They may also tell exaggerated stories of past heroism while failing to act on those claims. As children grow older, the narcissistic father may resist change, exhibit self-pity, and control through emotional manipulation. Dar offers insight into how these behaviors persistently affect family dynamics and relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Emotional distance is a key trait of a covert narcissistic father, becoming more apparent as children grow older and require deeper emotional connection.
• 😀 In public, the covert narcissistic father may appear to be the perfect, attentive dad, but behind closed doors, he tends to be self-focused and demands praise for any effort.
• 😀 Covert narcissistic fathers struggle with empathy and often offer superficial advice instead of addressing their children's emotional needs or struggles.
• 😀 They often control their children by presenting their actions as 'good intentions,' claiming they know best for their children’s relationships and choices.
• 😀 Passive aggression is common, using tactics like sarcasm, guilt-tripping, and the silent treatment rather than direct communication.
• 😀 Covert narcissistic fathers frequently exaggerate their past experiences, sharing heroic or victimized tales to boost their self-worth, but they fail to back these stories with real action.
• 😀 They avoid taking responsibility for their actions, instead blaming others or external factors for their problems or unfulfilled life.
• 😀 The covert narcissistic father uses guilt and manipulation, exploiting the children’s fears and consciences to get what he wants, often saying things like 'You owe me this.'
• 😀 Lack of assertiveness is a trait; while they might boast about their past bravery or missed opportunities, they often avoid confrontation or asserting themselves in relationships.
• 😀 Living a life of unfulfillment, covert narcissistic fathers blame their lack of success on external circumstances rather than personal shortcomings, constantly seeking sympathy from others.

Q & A

What are the common traits of a covert narcissistic father?

Covert narcissistic fathers typically display emotional distance, a need for attention and validation, a lack of empathy, and are highly sensitive to criticism. They often feel misunderstood, undervalued, and live a life of unfulfillment, showing their grandiosity internally.

How does a covert narcissistic father act towards his children when they are young?

When children are very young, a covert narcissistic father can be great fun and attentive. However, as children grow and need more nurturing and guidance, he may become emotionally distant and focused on his own responsibilities or personal projects.

What happens as children grow older in relation to a covert narcissistic father?

As children grow older, they may seek advice or guidance, but a covert narcissistic father struggles with empathy and may offer superficial advice. He may also dismiss their difficulties or give irrelevant solutions, sometimes sharing exaggerated stories of his past to distract from the lack of genuine support.

How does a covert narcissistic father use 'good intentions' to manipulate his children?

A covert narcissistic father may use the guise of 'good intentions' to control his children's relationships, choices, or finances. He might present his actions as being done for their benefit, even when it serves his own need for control.

What is passive-aggressive behavior like in a covert narcissistic father?

Covert narcissistic fathers often use passive-aggressive tactics such as sarcasm, guilt, and unkind humor to manipulate or punish their children and partners. They may also be inconsistent in discipline, rewarding or punishing behavior based on their mood or other factors.

How does a covert narcissistic father use storytelling to portray himself?

A covert narcissistic father often tells exaggerated tales of his past heroism, bravery, and missed opportunities (e.g., being a sports star or millionaire) to bolster his self-image, even though his actions rarely align with these stories.

How does self-pity manifest in a covert narcissistic father?

A covert narcissistic father frequently expresses self-pity, claiming to be unappreciated or misunderstood. He may complain about his partner's demands or blame the children for his lack of achievements, fostering a narrative of being a victim of circumstances.

How does a covert narcissistic father avoid taking responsibility for his actions?

A covert narcissistic father often avoids responsibility by shifting the blame onto others, including his children. He may make excuses or collapse emotionally rather than face up to his shortcomings, leading his children to unintentionally take on a caretaking role.

What role does guilt play in the relationship between a covert narcissistic father and his children?

Guilt plays a major role in controlling and manipulating the children of a covert narcissistic father. He may exploit their fear of disappointing him, their mother, or others by using statements like 'after all I’ve done for you' or 'you’re supposed to honor your parents,' creating a sense of obligation in his children.

What is the long-term impact on children raised by a covert narcissistic father?

Children raised by a covert narcissistic father may grow up feeling responsible for their father’s emotional well-being. They might struggle with a lack of respect or patience for him as adults, especially if they were expected to cater to his emotional needs while sacrificing their own.