Meanwhile… How To Pronounce “Kelce” | Highway Horse | MTA’s $700k Fare Hack

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

24 Jan 202404:37

Summary

TLDRStephen Colbert performs a comedic monologue, joking that he usually meticulously crafts his material but sometimes has to improvise. He announces musician André 3000 and journalist Jelani Cobb will appear. Colbert shares amusing news stories including a cat returning home after 7 years, the proper pronunciation of NFL player Travis Kelce's name, Taco Bell releasing cereal, Uber Eats ending alcohol delivery, and a loose horse disrupting traffic in Tennessee. He mocks the MTA's ineffective $700,000 turnstile gates. Colbert promises more comedy later with guest André 3000.

Takeaways

😆 Stephen mentions having Andre 3000 and Jelani Cobb as guests
😀 Stephen jokes about making a 'news waffle' instead of his typical monologue
😉 There's a story about a cat that went missing for 7 years before being found
🤨 Everyone has been mispronouncing Travis Kelce's last name
😋 Taco Bell is offering cereal for a limited time
🍸 Uber Eats is shutting down its alcohol delivery service Drizly
😲 A loose horse caused chaos when spotted on a Tennessee highway
😤 The MTA's $700,000 subway gates can be defeated by a simple hack
😂 Stephen jokes the MTA should just use a pile of cash to jump over
🎉 Stephen mentions having musician Andre 3000 and journalist Jelani Cobb as guests

Q & A

What is the name of Andre 3000's new album?
-Andre 3000's new album is called 'New Blue Sun'.
What instruments does Andre 3000 play on his new album?
-On his new album, Andre 3000 plays woodwind instruments like flute.
Who is the other guest that Stephen mentions will be on the show?
-The other guest is Jelani Cobb, an award-winning writer for The New Yorker and dean of the Columbia School of Journalism.
What is the carnival freak's trash waffle that Stephen sometimes makes instead of his usual monologue?
-The carnival freak's trash waffle is made by mixing wood shavings, expired yogurt, and other trash ingredients that are fried on a tow truck radiator.
What is the proper pronunciation of Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce's last name?
-According to Travis Kelce's father, the proper pronunciation of their last name is "Kelz" rather than "Kel-see".
Why is Uber Eats shutting down its Drizly alcohol delivery service?
-Uber Eats is shutting down Drizly, its alcohol delivery service, at the end of March.
What problem does the New York City MTA have that their new $700,000 subway gates are failing to solve?
-The MTA has a problem with people hopping turnstiles to ride the subway without paying. Their new gates are being easily defeated by a simple hack.
What happened that caused chaos on a Tennessee highway?
-A loose horse got onto the highway and had to be rounded up by authorities, causing chaos.
What does Stephen say the horse failed to do when merging onto the highway?
-Stephen jokes that the horse failed to check its blind spot before merging onto the highway.
What does Stephen suggest would be more effective than the MTA's $700,000 gates?
-Stephen jokes it would be more effective for the MTA to just force everyone to jump over a pile of $700,000.