analyzing Gwan-hee's popularity in Single's Inferno 3 - with realistic lessons

Summary

The video script from 'The Brief SES' discusses the allure of toxic men in dating, exemplified by a character named Guan from the Netflix show 'Singles Inferno'. It delves into why women might find such men attractive, despite their harmful behaviors. The script explores themes of validation-seeking, blame-shifting, and manipulative honesty, while also acknowledging the paradox of finding these individuals charming. It concludes by reminding viewers to be discerning about real-life relationships, drawing parallels between the show's scenarios and potential real-life toxicity.

Takeaways

• 😀 The video discusses the appeal and confusion surrounding 'toxic' yet charming men, exemplified by a character named 'Guan' from the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno'.
• 🔍 It highlights how men like Guan can be seen as honest about their feelings, but this honesty might be superficial and used to avoid processing their emotions deeply.
• 💬 The script points out that 'asking for validation' is a common trait of toxic individuals, as it can be a way to seek ego-boosting reassurance without genuine emotional engagement.
• 👀 It explains that women might misinterpret these validation-seeking behaviors as signs of interest, which can be initially endearing but later reveal themselves as manipulative.
• 🤔 The video suggests that Guan's behavior of shifting blame and avoiding responsibility for his actions is a toxic pattern that can be harmful in relationships.
• 🗣️ It critiques the idea that being honest about feelings, even if they change frequently, is always a positive trait, arguing that it can be used to manipulate and avoid commitment.
• 😡 The script describes how Guan's actions can lead to women feeling guilty and apologizing for his behavior, which is a sign of emotional manipulation.
• 😢 It touches on the emotional impact of such behavior, with examples of women on the show feeling upset and manipulated, despite the show's short time frame.
• 👍 The video acknowledges that Guan has positive traits, such as being caring and fun, but argues that these do not negate his toxic patterns in dating.
• 🧐 It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and filtering out toxic behaviors for one's well-being, even if the person displaying them has redeeming qualities.
• 📺 Lastly, the video reminds viewers that dating shows are for entertainment and may not reflect genuine decision-making, urging them to be discerning about real-life relationships.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video script?

The main topic of the video script is discussing the character of 'Guan' from the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno' and analyzing why some women find toxic men adorable.

What does the speaker suggest about the communication style of 'Guan' type of men?

The speaker suggests that 'Guan' type of men often ask for validation through hypothetical questions, which at first may seem adorable but are actually a form of self-entertainment and ego feeding.

Why do some women initially find the 'if boy' behavior endearing?

Some women initially find the 'if boy' behavior endearing because they interpret his questions as an effort to express interest, which can create a playful sense of competition and jealousy.

What is the paradox mentioned by the speaker regarding people like Guan?

The paradox is that people like Guan are addicted to the chase and the validation they receive, but if a partner is too easy, they lose interest because the anticipation and satisfaction decrease due to predictability.

How does the speaker describe the shift of blame by Guan?

The speaker describes the shift of blame by Guan as a toxic pattern where he becomes upset when not immediately receiving validation and later blames others for his reactions, avoiding responsibility for his feelings.

What does the speaker mean by 'they lie with just enough truth'?

The speaker means that Guan and similar individuals may tell partial truths to manipulate situations to their advantage, making their potential partners feel like they are genuinely interested, even when they are not.

According to the speaker, why is Guan's honesty not an excuse for his behavior?

According to the speaker, Guan's honesty is not an excuse because he uses it to avoid processing his feelings and to manipulate others, making his behavior toxic despite his apparent honesty.

What does the speaker believe about Guan's choice of his final partner?

The speaker believes that Guan only made up his mind when his final partner started refusing to give him the validation he wanted, which made him realize he had to work for her validation.

Why does the speaker say Guan is a good example of an adorable yet toxic person?

The speaker says Guan is a good example because he has many endearing traits like being caring and fun, but these qualities do not negate his toxic patterns in dating and relationships.

What advice does the speaker give regarding the behavior seen in the dating show?

The speaker advises to take the show with a grain of salt but not to ignore similar toxic behaviors in real life, as they can lead to bigger problems if not addressed.

What is the speaker's final message to the viewers?

The speaker's final message is to be conscious of the purpose of dating shows for publicity and not to overlook genuine toxic behaviors in real-life relationships.

Outlines

00:00

😤 Deciphering Toxic Charm: The 'If Boy' Phenomenon

This paragraph delves into the perplexing appeal of 'toxic' individuals in dating culture, exemplified by a character named Iguana from the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno.' The speaker critiques the show's portrayal of such individuals, who despite exhibiting red flags, manage to attract attention. The term 'if boy' is coined for those who frequently ask for validation in a manipulative manner, which can initially seem endearing but later reveals a pattern of self-serving behavior. The speaker also touches on the paradox of such individuals being drawn to the chase and the validation it provides, and how this dynamic can be both enticing and ultimately toxic in relationships.

05:02

😠 Shifting Blame and the Illusion of Honesty

The second paragraph examines the behavior of individuals like Guan, who shift blame and avoid responsibility for their actions. It discusses how Guan's impatience and reaction to Haong's need for time to think were indicative of his toxic patterns. The speaker argues against the narrative that Guan's constant change of feelings is a sign of honesty, suggesting instead that it's a manipulative tactic to keep potential partners invested. The paragraph also addresses the broader issue of how such behaviors can be more harmful in real-life scenarios, where there are no time constraints to force decisions.

10:02

😌 The Paradox of Adorability and Toxicity

In the final paragraph, the speaker acknowledges the complexity of human behavior, recognizing that even individuals who exhibit toxic patterns can also possess endearing qualities. Guan is presented as an example of someone who, despite his toxic dating behaviors, is also seen as caring and fun. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not villainizing individuals to justify cutting them out of one's life, but rather recognizing that their presence may be detrimental to one's well-being. The paragraph concludes with a reminder to viewers to take dating shows with a grain of salt, but to remain vigilant about toxic behaviors in real-life relationships.

Keywords

💡Toxic

The term 'toxic' in the context of the video refers to individuals who exhibit harmful or detrimental behaviors in a relationship or social setting. It is central to the theme as it discusses the characteristics and behaviors of a 'toxic' person, particularly in the realm of dating. For example, the script mentions 'a walking red flag' to describe a person who displays such behaviors.

💡Honesty

Honesty is highlighted in the script as a trait that can sometimes be misleading when associated with toxic individuals. It is defined as the quality of being truthful and straightforward, yet the video suggests that even if someone is honest about minor changes in their feelings, it doesn't negate their toxic behavior. The script uses the phrase 'if he's toxic, it doesn't matter if he's honest' to illustrate this point.

💡Validation

Validation is a concept that the video explores in relation to toxic behaviors. It refers to the need for approval or confirmation from others, which the video suggests can be a form of communication for toxic individuals. The script describes how a character named 'Guan' seeks validation from women, using it as a means to feed his ego rather than expressing genuine interest.

💡If Boy

'If Boy' is a term coined in the script to describe a person who frequently asks hypothetical questions that seem endearing at first but are actually a means of seeking validation. The video uses this term to illustrate a pattern of behavior where such individuals use 'if' statements to gauge interest and elicit responses that boost their self-esteem.

💡Dating Show

A 'dating show' is a reality TV program that features individuals participating in various activities to form romantic connections. The script references 'Singles Inferno,' a Netflix dating show, as a backdrop to discuss the behaviors and dynamics of toxic individuals in a controlled environment, drawing parallels to real-life dating scenarios.

💡Red Flag

A 'red flag' in the context of relationships denotes warning signs of potential harm or trouble. The video uses this term to describe behaviors that indicate a person might not be a suitable partner. The script mentions 'a walking red flag' to emphasize the character 'Guan's' obvious toxic traits.

💡Manipulative

The term 'manipulative' describes the act of influencing someone by indirect or subtle means, often for one's own advantage. The video suggests that certain behaviors, such as lying with the implications of one's words, can be manipulative. An example from the script is when 'Guan' discusses being in a relationship to make a woman feel secure, implying a commitment that he might not intend.

💡Chase

'Chase' in the video refers to the thrill or excitement some individuals derive from the pursuit of a romantic interest. It is related to the theme as it explains why some people are attracted to the uncertainty and anxiety of dating, and how this can be exploited by toxic individuals for their own satisfaction.

💡Persona

A 'persona' is the aspect of an individual's character presented to others, often different from their true self. The script discusses how some people on dating shows, like 'Guan,' may have a persona that is charming yet toxic, which can be confusing and misleading for viewers and potential partners.

💡Blame Shifting

Blame shifting is the act of attributing responsibility for a problem or failure to someone else. The video describes how toxic individuals, like 'Guan,' can avoid taking responsibility for their actions by blaming others, as seen when he gets upset with 'Haong' for needing time to think and later blaming her for apologizing.

💡Adorable

While typically a positive term, 'adorable' in the video is used to describe the paradox of finding certain toxic behaviors endearing or attractive. The script points out that some people can be both genuinely charming and toxic, which can make it difficult to recognize and address their harmful patterns.

Highlights

Discussing the appeal of toxic men and their behaviors in the context of the Netflix dating show 'Singles Inferno'.

The paradox of finding toxic men adorable due to their audacity and the entertainment they provide.

Asking for validation as a form of communication that can be initially seen as adorable but later becomes toxic.

The indirect communication style of women and how it can lead to misinterpretation of a man's intentions.

The 'if boy' phenomenon where men ask hypothetical questions for validation rather than genuine interest.

The toxic pattern of shifting blame and avoiding responsibility for one's feelings and actions.

The manipulative nature of lying with just enough truth to avoid accountability.

The importance of recognizing and addressing toxic behaviors in dating, even if the person appears adorable or charming.

The role of honesty in dating and how it can be misused to manipulate potential partners.

The impact of a man's indecision and how it affects the women involved, leading to confusion and frustration.

The idea that a man's constant need for validation can be a sign of insecurity and immaturity.

The concept of 'guan' and how it represents the archetype of a charming yet toxic individual.

The psychological aspect of why some women may be drawn to men who are bad for their well-being.

The importance of self-awareness and recognizing one's own toxic patterns in relationships.

The role of the chase and validation in the dating dynamic and how it can lead to unhealthy behaviors.

The potential for genuine change and growth in individuals who exhibit toxic behaviors.

The responsibility of viewers to take dating shows with a grain of salt and not to overlook real-life toxic behaviors.

Transcripts

if he's toxic it doesn't matter if he's

honest sometimes a man is only honest

about the smallest changes in his

feelings because loudly announcing them

to the world excuses him from actually

processing them hi girlies welcome to

the brief SES where we talk about dating

pop culture and dating in pop culture

today we're talking about the most

popular pick on Netflix newest dating

show singles Inferno he may have Charmed

you he may have made your blood boil he

did mine but if you're here I'm sure

you've come across a few guys as

frustrating as him in real life yes

we're talking about iguan he I've seen

countless comments on social media

complaining about the way he got picked

by three beautiful women all while being

a walking red flag and the thing is

there are many men like him in real life

and if you're not used to dealing with

them it can be very confusing why they

managed to get away with so much

toxicity so today let's take a look into

this season of singles Inferno and try

to figure out why so often

we girlies find toxic man adorable

before we start I just want to say that

all reflex aside gu he is by for the

most interesting contestant on this show

to me so let's take a few seconds to

thank him for entertaining us with his

audacity to say and do absolutely

whatever the hell he wants all right so

don't forget to hit the like And

subscribe button because it means the

world to me without further Ado let's

Dive Right into our debrief session

number one they asking for validation is

a form of validation asking for

validation has to be the most prominent

way of communication for a guanhe kind

of guy there is a decent reason why the

panelists called him the if boy because

he gets asking hypothetical questions at

first they appear to be pretty adorable

but why do we find this adorable most

women compared to men have a more

indirect way of communication yes I know

that there are always exceptions but in

the heterosexual dating scene it is

particularly true that our gender group

it's better at reading between the lines

and understanding the implications so

when talking to an if boy we tend to

read into his questions and interpret

them as His effort to express interest

stay with me here for example when he

asks if you get to choose between me and

Warick for a date who would you choose

like something that he would ask but we

wouldn't take the question as it is we

might interpret it as I'm interested in

you so I'm trying to figure out if

you're more interested in me or you're

more interested in warning so there is a

playful sense of competition and

jealousy there which makes it pretty

Pleasant and adorable at first soon

after we figure out that it's not an

expression of interest at all it's just

his way of offering opportunities for

the women to feed into his ego in other

words he entertained himself with

validation from his suitors all of them

and it becomes toxic when he almost

never lived up to the standards that he

set for his potential Partners there are

countless examples in the show but here

are just a few that I can think of that

one time when he wants haam to answer

him quickly without being able to make

up his mind about her and then he wants

mini to pick Jin sock on a date just to

comfort him because he doesn't really

see jino as a thread and then on the

very last day when he still cannot make

up his mind about who he would choose he

asked his son if she regrets anything

expecting that she would give him

comfort and express her regret over

having chosen one instead of him so as I

said he never live up to the standards

that he set for his potential partners

and as a viewer we can easily see how

frustrating this type of behavior is

because we get to see him repeat the

same path pattern with every woman he's

interested in but that is obviously not

the case for the women on the show so to

us when the man constantly asks for

validation that is a form of validation

in itself in other words we feel

validated that the guy is asking for our

validation and sometimes that thought

does not work for us but here's a

paradox in my little Theory people like

Guan he are addicted to the chase they

love the slightly anxious feel in when

they ask for validation and the

satisfaction when it is given to them

but if the partner is too easy they

don't feel like they need to ask and so

obviously there wouldn't be as much

anticipation and satisfaction because

they could already predict what will

happen that is exactly why Guan ended up

choosing his son because no matter how

much haong and Mii try to give him the

validation that he asked for his s

naturally saw right through him this

might be an unpopular opinion but I

truly believed that Guan only made up

his mind when his son started refusing

to give him the validation he wanted

that's when he realized that he had to

work for her validation and he did just

that by choosing her in the final round

number two they shift the blame and get

away with it the first thing that raised

a red flag for me was how Guan got

visibly upset when haong wanted to take

some time and think through her answers

at first I thought hm maybe he just

really like her and that he wanted to

make sure that she was as into him as he

was into her that obviously was not the

case as the show went on it became clear

to me that it was just one of his many

toxic patterns what he really cared

about was again getting the validation

he wanted and once he didn't have it

right away he acted up the turning point

in his situationship with ha Jang was

when she called him out on his toxic

pattern she was 100% on point I don't

even find haong harsh at all she was

just being very straightforward but what

made me officially red flock this guy

was the fact that he couldn't just tell

her that he'd lost interest after that

conversation instead he was very

avoidant which compelled her to

apologize he later blamed her for

apologizing and making things weird I

just hate that this happened to my girl

haong because I absolutely adore her

straightforward and hilarious nature

there was no good reason for her to feel

guilty because she had a good reason

reason to be mad and this happens a lot

number three they lie with just enough

truth this one is tricky okay so be

patient with me here I know that the

panelists consistently compliment guan's

honesty and they explain on his behalf

that his feelings simply change every

time he spends one-on-one time with a

woman but I think that's quite a naive

take I mean I don't blame them obviously

it's their job to make things light for

us viewers but as a woman trying to

navigate the complicated dating world I

think that Guan he knew exactly what to

say to make his potential Partners feel

like he was going to choose them which

led to their continuous investment in

him I also think that even if he was

indeed oblivious to his actions it's not

okay it's just simply not okay for a man

to be toxic as long as he seems

oblivious to how toxic he is so I don't

buy any of the narrative if he's toxic

it doesn't matter if he's honest

sometimes a man is solely honest about

the smallest changes in his feelings

because loudly announcing them to the

world excuses him from actually

processing them as I say I think one he

knew what he was doing when he

constantly told the woman on the show

how he was leaning towards them is a lie

with just enough truth to get him out of

trouble later you might think that he's

not lying he was indeed leaning towards

them and he said he had not made up his

mind yet he might not have lied with his

words but rather with their implications

again this works on many women because

we are good at understanding

implications sometime too good for our

own good do you see how everything makes

sense now so what do I mean when I say

some man lie with the implications of

their words let's think about the

context of guan's statements whenever he

was with someone he would constantly

bring up what he disliked about the

other women to comfort his current

partner that they were a better match

for him in the last episode he went as

far as discussing being in a

relationship outside of the island thus

leaning towards you say in that context

implies that there is a very little

chance that he change his mind as we

know in fact he was doing this to more

than one person making his behavior very

insincere and honestly borderline

manipulative a lot of people shame nji

for her Persona on the show but honestly

I don't blame her crying at inappro

moment aside she's rightfully upset in a

lot of situations I get it okay at the

end of the day it's just a dating show

right people only had so much time to

get to know each other but here's the

thing this Behavior exists in real life

and without the 10day deadline many men

would drag it out and drain your energy

for months and years on end in other

words if this happens to any of us in

the real world it would be much more

harmful number four they are genuine

adorable people shocking right is there

such a thing as genuinely adorable men

who are also toxic yes okay stay with me

I love calling people out on their toxic

patterns but the truth is that we all

have toxic patterns and it is up to us

to filter out the people who are toxic

to our well-being guane has many

adorable traits he's caring he's fun to

be around and he seems like a good

friend I think he is the perfect example

of how an adorable and Charming person

can simply be toxic to your well-being

or toxic when it comes to dating you

don't have to villainize a person to

justify cutting them out of your life a

person doesn't need to be a villain to

be cut off forever sometimes you're just

regular humans who happen to make you

feel like and to sum things up may

I just say that the most conscious

viewers understand that the purpose of

these dating shows is merely for

publicity so it's very very unlikely

that the decision made on the screen I

want 100% genuine but you know at the

end of the day we girlies would rather

get mad at a man's Persona on a random

dating show than a man who waste our

time and energy in real life so take the

show with a grain of salt but don't take

it lightly when your man is displaying

Ean behaviors because that might lead to

bigger problems later that's all the T

thank you so much for tuning in to the

brief SES leave a comment for me if you

want to hear my take on anything around

dating pop culture and dating in pop

culture I had fun today and I hope you

did too see you next time

[Music]