Why some people GET SO UPSET with my content: responding to haters

Summary

Dr. Orion Terban explores why some people react negatively to his content, particularly his views on the transactional nature of relationships. While most feedback is positive, a small percentage consists of insults and ad hominem attacks, which he attributes to people’s lack of self-awareness. He argues that many people unconsciously assess relationships through a complex 'calculus' of value and cost, often driven by superficial motives. Criticism of his views, he suggests, primarily comes from those who stand to lose the most if this model becomes widely accepted, particularly older women, who face an increasing 'cost' as their reproductive value declines.

Takeaways

• 😀 99.9% of Dr. Orion Terban's content feedback is positive, but 1% is negative and primarily involves insults and ad hominem attacks.
• 😀 Negative feedback typically does not challenge Dr. Terban's arguments but instead focuses on personal attacks, which he views as a sign of surrender from critics.
• 😀 People often make decisions about relationships based on an unconscious, complex calculus of perceived value, which is not typically understood consciously.
• 😀 The value people perceive in relationships is influenced by a number of factors, including memory, self-image, and future goals, but most people are unaware of this deeper process.
• 😀 Emotions related to relationships are triggered by an unconscious evaluation of the costs and benefits, which people rationalize with feelings like excitement or doubt.
• 😀 People enter into relationships based on their perceived best options, which aligns with evolutionary survival instincts and the desire to maximize benefit while minimizing loss.
• 😀 The economic model of relationships, where value is exchanged, can explain many behaviors such as infidelity, divorce, and ghosting.
• 😀 People may hide or deny the more superficial and selfish aspects of their personalities, but these traits often resurface through projection onto others, leading to negativity and insults.
• 😀 The projection of denied negativity can lead to the destruction of the person upon whom the negativity is projected, but this does not resolve the inner conflict or purify the self.
• 😀 The people most likely to oppose the idea of relationships as transactional are those who benefit the most from the mystified, unequal nature of relationships, particularly older women who may have less reproductive value but still demand resources from men.
• 😀 Women, especially older women, are predicted to be the most aggressive critics of the economic model of relationships because they have the most to lose if the model becomes widely accepted.

Q & A

Why does Dr. Orion Terban believe some people get upset with his content?

Dr. Orion Terban believes that some people get upset with his content due to his views on intersexual dynamics, the game of mating, and dating. These individuals often respond with negative feedback that primarily consists of insults, defamation, and ad hominem attacks rather than engaging with his arguments.

How does Dr. Terban handle negative feedback?

Dr. Terban does not take the negative feedback seriously because it mostly involves personal attacks rather than substantive criticisms of his arguments. He views ad hominem attacks as a sign of surrender, suggesting that if his critics could prove him wrong, they would attempt to do so.

What does Dr. Terban mean by the 'covert calculus' of relationships?

The 'covert calculus' refers to the complex, unconscious evaluations people make when assessing relationships. This includes considering factors like past experiences, self-image, goals, personality traits, and the costs involved in a relationship. Most of these evaluations occur beneath the level of conscious awareness.

How do people perceive the value of relationships, according to Dr. Terban?

People perceive the value of relationships through a covert evaluation process that weighs potential gains against expected costs. If the perceived benefits of a relationship outweigh the costs, people tend to feel excited about it. If the costs exceed the benefits, they may feel uncertain or reluctant to commit.

Why does Dr. Terban suggest that people often aren't aware of their true motivations in relationships?

Dr. Terban suggests that many people are not aware of their true motivations because the factors that influence relationship decisions, such as value calculations and emotional responses, happen unconsciously. People often attribute their feelings to simpler, more socially acceptable reasons, without recognizing the deeper, hidden factors at play.

What role does projection play in negative reactions to Dr. Terban's content?

Dr. Terban argues that people who react negatively to his content often project their own disavowed, socially unacceptable traits (such as superficiality or selfishness) onto others. This projection is a defense mechanism that allows them to avoid confronting these parts of themselves.

What does Dr. Terban mean by 'integration' in the context of self-awareness?

Integration, in this context, refers to the process of accepting and incorporating the parts of oneself that are typically repressed or denied, such as selfishness or superficiality. Dr. Terban believes that failure to integrate these aspects leads to projection and externalizing negative traits onto others.

How does Dr. Terban explain the negative reaction to the economic model of relationships?

Dr. Terban explains that the economic model of relationships, which views them as transactional, is controversial because it reveals that some people benefit more from these transactions than others. Those who benefit most, such as older women who may be perceived as less valuable reproductively, are more likely to oppose this model.

What is the 'economic model' of relationships that Dr. Terban discusses?

The economic model of relationships suggests that relationships are ultimately transactional, where individuals enter into them based on the perceived value they will gain versus the costs they will incur. This model explains behaviors like divorce, infidelity, and other dynamics within the sexual marketplace.

According to Dr. Terban, why are older women particularly opposed to the economic model of relationships?

Older women are particularly opposed to the economic model because, as they age, their reproductive value decreases, but they are still expected to receive the same level of resources and commitment from men. This creates a mismatch between the costs men incur and the perceived value they receive, which can lead to resistance from older women who benefit less from this model.