Your Conversations Are Boring Because You Keep Doing THIS

Summary

This video offers guidance for men struggling with socializing and initiating conversations, especially with women. The speaker shares personal anecdotes and insights on overcoming the fear of being boring or rejected, emphasizing the importance of authentic communication and taking social risks. He suggests stepping out of comfort zones, using humor, and avoiding generic small talk to build chemistry and attraction. The video also promotes the Socializer program, which aims to help men improve their social skills and form meaningful connections.

Takeaways

• 😶 Overcoming Social Anxiety: The speaker emphasizes the struggle many men face with socializing and conversing with women due to introversion or anxiety, and offers advice on improving conversation skills.
• 🤔 Fear of Being Boring: It's common for young men to worry about being uninteresting in conversations, leading to a tendency to say very little or nothing at all.
• 🔄 Breaking the Cycle: The speaker suggests that this behavior can become a repetitive cycle, causing individuals to default to silence or minimal communication in social situations.
• 🚫 Avoiding Monotony: Recommends moving away from the 'safe' mode of not saying anything or sticking to basic phrases like 'hi' and 'bye'.
• 💡 Taking Chances: Encourages taking social risks rather than remaining boring and safe, as this can lead to missed opportunities for connection and attraction.
• 🤷‍♂️ Understanding Fear: The speaker explains that fear of rejection may stem from deep-seated evolutionary instincts, but it's crucial to recognize these as irrational in modern social contexts.
• 🌟 Authenticity Over Perfection: Advises being genuine and taking chances in conversations rather than trying to be the 'perfect' guy who is overly nice and gets overlooked.
• 💬 Importance of Small Talk: Highlights the significance of small, simple interactions that can lead to interest and attraction.
• 😄 Leveraging Humor: Suggests using humor, teasing, and light-hearted banter as a way to break the ice and create a connection.
• 👗 Complimenting Effort: Recommends complimenting women on their choices and efforts, like their outfit or smile, rather than on inherent traits they cannot control.
• 🔄 Adapting Communication: The speaker points out the importance of adapting communication style based on the context, such as being more playful in casual settings versus more reserved in professional ones.
• 📈 Continuous Learning: Stresses the need for continuous learning and practice in social interactions to improve and avoid repeating past mistakes.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the video script for guys who struggle with socializing and talking to girls?

The main issue discussed is the tendency for guys to be boring and lack energy in social situations, especially when talking to girls they are attracted to, due to fear of rejection or saying the wrong thing.

Why does the speaker believe that being boring is detrimental when trying to make friends or attract girls?

The speaker believes that being boring is detrimental because it prevents the development of chemistry and attraction, which are essential for forming connections and relationships.

What was the speaker's initial behavior in social interactions, especially with girls, when he was younger?

The speaker's initial behavior was to be very boring and quiet in social interactions, often not saying anything at all for fear of being too boring or offending the other person.

How did the speaker's experience in a job surrounded by women differ from his previous experiences in construction?

In the construction job, the speaker was used to being around men and engaging in 'dark humor' and banter. In contrast, his new job surrounded by women made him realize he didn't know how to talk to them without potentially offending them.

What is the 'default mode of safety' that the speaker mentions guys often fall into when interacting with girls they are attracted to?

The 'default mode of safety' refers to the tendency to not say anything at all or only say very simple phrases like 'hi' and 'bye' to avoid the risk of saying something wrong or offending the girl.

What does the speaker suggest is the reason behind guys' fear of being themselves and expressing their true feelings in social situations?

The speaker suggests that the fear stems from a deep-seated evolutionary instinct to avoid rejection, which in ancient times could have led to expulsion from the tribe and death.

What is the speaker's advice for guys who want to improve their conversation skills and avoid being boring?

The speaker advises guys to take chances, be authentic, and express their thoughts and feelings, even if it means risking saying something wrong or being rejected.

What is the 'Socializer Program' mentioned in the script, and how does it help guys improve their social skills?

The 'Socializer Program' is a program the speaker offers to help guys get a girlfriend within 60 to 90 days. It includes video breakdowns, courses on mindset, mental health, anxiety, and procrastination, and direct coaching from the speaker.

How does the speaker describe the difference between being playful and flirty versus being overly nice or a 'nice guy'?

The speaker describes being playful and flirty as engaging in fun, authentic conversations, making jokes, and teasing, which can build chemistry and attraction. Being overly nice or a 'nice guy', on the other hand, is seen as less attractive and often ineffective.

What is the importance of taking chances and being authentic in social interactions according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, taking chances and being authentic in social interactions is important because it allows for the development of chemistry and attraction. It also helps to avoid being boring and makes the interactions more memorable and engaging.

Why does the speaker emphasize the difference between cold approaching a girl and interacting with a coworker or classmate?

The speaker emphasizes this difference because cold approaching a girl doesn't have the same social implications or risks as interacting with a coworker or classmate. There's no risk of damaging a work or school relationship, so one can be more direct and flirty.

Outlines

00:00

😅 Overcoming Social Anxiety and Boredom

The speaker discusses the common struggle of men to initiate and maintain engaging conversations, particularly with women they are attracted to. He reflects on his own past experiences where he was too afraid to express his true feelings, leading to missed opportunities. The speaker emphasizes the importance of stepping out of one's comfort zone, avoiding the 'nice guy' syndrome, and taking risks in social interactions to avoid being boring and to build attraction and chemistry.

05:01

🤔 Confronting Fears and the Evolutionary Roots of Boredom

This paragraph delves into the psychological reasons behind social fear and the tendency to be boring in conversations. The speaker suggests that the fear of rejection is an evolutionary trait from our tribal past, where rejection could mean death. He argues that this fear makes people cautious and less engaging. The speaker then shifts to discuss the importance of taking chances in social interactions, using his own experiences and the 'Socializer' program as examples of how to overcome these fears and improve social skills.

10:03

😉 Becoming Playful and Avoiding Monotony in Conversations

The speaker shares his insights on how to make conversations more interesting and less routine. He advises against falling into the trap of using the same small talk phrases and instead encourages being playful, authentic, and observant. He provides examples of how to compliment someone in a way that acknowledges their choices rather than their inherent traits. The speaker also discusses the difference in approaching girls in different settings, such as work or school versus cold approaching in public places, and the importance of adapting one's approach accordingly.

Keywords

💡Socialize

Socializing refers to the process of interacting with others in a friendly manner. In the video's context, it's about overcoming the struggles to engage in conversations, particularly with girls or in social settings. The speaker emphasizes the importance of socializing to improve conversation skills and not to be boring.

💡Introverted

Introversion is a personality trait where individuals prefer spending time alone or in small groups over engaging in large social gatherings. The video mentions introversion as one of the reasons some people might struggle with socializing and initiating conversations.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety in this context refers to the feeling of nervousness or unease, particularly when approaching and talking to others, especially in a romantic interest. The script discusses how anxiety can hinder one's ability to socialize effectively.

💡Boring

Being 'boring' in the video script is used to describe a state of not being interesting or engaging in conversation. The speaker points out that being boring can be a barrier to forming connections and attracting others, emphasizing the need to be more dynamic in conversations.

💡Conversation Skills

Conversation skills are the abilities to effectively communicate and interact with others in a dialogue. The video discusses improving these skills as a way to never run out of things to say and to enhance social interactions.

💡Peddle

To 'peddle' in the script means to excessively compliment or try too hard to please someone, often seen as unattractive. The speaker advises against this behavior, suggesting that it does not lead to attraction.

💡Chemistry

Chemistry refers to the mutual attraction or connection between people, which can be emotional, intellectual, or social. The video emphasizes building chemistry as a goal of improved conversation skills and social interactions.

💡Playful

Playfulness is a light-hearted and fun approach to interaction. The script encourages being playful in conversations to create a positive and engaging atmosphere, which can help in attracting others and building rapport.

💡Authentic

Authenticity in this context means being genuine and true to oneself in social interactions. The video script stresses the importance of authentic communication to create meaningful connections and avoid being perceived as boring.

💡Compliment

A compliment is a positive comment or praise directed towards someone. The video discusses the art of giving compliments, suggesting that they should be about choices or actions rather than inherent traits to show appreciation for effort or personality.

💡Flirt

Flirting is a form of playful and light-hearted interaction that can indicate romantic interest. The script uses flirting as an example of a behavior that can break the ice and create a fun and engaging interaction, which is more attractive than being boring.

💡Socializer School

Socializer School is a program mentioned in the video that aims to help men improve their social skills, particularly in attracting a girlfriend. It is used as an example of a resource that can provide guidance and training in social interaction.

Highlights

The video aims to help men who struggle with socializing and initiating conversations, particularly with women, due to introversion or anxiety.

The speaker shares personal experiences of being boring in conversations and the fear of being judged, which led to avoiding social interactions.

A common issue is the tendency to default to minimal communication out of fear of saying something wrong, especially when attracted to someone.

The importance of overcoming the fear of being oneself and expressing genuine feelings in conversations is emphasized.

The video discusses the negative impact of treating women as unattainable objects of desire, which leads to boring and safe conversations.

The speaker recounts a personal story of regret from a job where he failed to engage with a girl he was attracted to due to fear.

A realization is shared that the fear of rejection is irrational, as it could potentially harm relationships that don't even exist yet.

The video explains that being boring is detrimental to making friends and attracting romantic interests.

The speaker suggests taking social risks and trying new conversational approaches to avoid being boring.

A recommendation is made for the Socializer program, which aims to help men improve their social skills and get a girlfriend within 60 to 90 days.

The video provides examples of playful and engaging conversation starters, such as commenting on a squirrel eating a hamburger patty.

The importance of indirect compliments and making observations about a person's choices, rather than their physical appearance, is discussed.

The speaker shares a success story of building chemistry with a girl at work by being playful and not boring.

The video encourages viewers to avoid falling into the trap of using the same small talk lines and to communicate authentically.

A distinction is made between cold approaching in public spaces and engaging with co-workers or classmates, where different strategies are needed.

The video concludes with a promotion for the Socializer program, offering courses on mindset, mental health, and other topics to help men improve their social skills.

Transcripts

okay so if you're a guy that struggles

with finding the energy to socialize and

talk to girls or anybody for that matter

this video is going to really help you

whether you're introverted or you have

anxiety when it comes to like

approaching and talking to girls or even

having conversations with like

co-workers classmates Etc I'm going to

explain how you can essentially never

run out of things to say and why your

conversation skills can be improved and

what you're doing wrong right now one of

the things that I noticed when I was

younger is that I was very boring and

whenever I had a conversation with

somebody I would worry that I was being

too boring and because of that I

actually didn't want to talk to other

people and this is very common

especially when you're young right you

don't necessarily think that people want

to hear what you have to say so you'd

rather not say anything at all than say

what you really want to and this

Behavior starts to repeat itself until

the point where every time you're having

an interaction with someone especially a

girl that like you're attracted to your

default mode of safety is to not say

anything at all or you go to the one or

two super simple phrases that you

automatically say without thinking like

okay hi bye I'll give you an example

right I remember one time I first

started at a new job and at this job

there was so many attractive girls I was

just like blown away at how I got so

lucky to have this job where there's so

many girls and that's because most jobs

I worked I was in construction and it

was just all dudes usually older dudes

that just you know were grumpy all the

time right so we'd kind of make fun of

each other and it was cool that way but

having a job where like you're

surrounded by women I was like man this

is amazing right but when I went and

talked to them for the very first day I

didn't know what to say cuz I was so

used to being around dudes all the time

on one end I was like well I could just

talk to them the same way I talk to like

guys but I was really worried that that

would be offensive you know because

dudes when we talk to each other we say

some dark [ __ ] bro like very offensive

dark humor it's like construction site

banter okay British dudes are good at

this too comment down below if you're a

British guy it's called banter shooting

the [ __ ] taking the piss as they call it

in Australia I remember having these

things I want to say to this one girl

there's this one girl she was super cute

she had the nicest smile and like

whenever she'd smile it just melted me

okay this was in my simp days boys this

is before I knew not to give any

attention to anybody but uh yeah I just

kind of melted and I wanted to say

something this whole time but I couldn't

find the courage to do it my my brain

just froze right and I think that's what

happens like as a guy you're so scared

to just be yourself and say how you

actually feel there's a couple different

ways to think about this right on one

end I don't want you to be that guy

that's a total s and thinks he can just

like compliment girls and bend over

backwards for them and that's going to

make them attracted to you because I was

this guy in high school and it didn't

work all right we've all seen these like

movies or TV shows where this guy is

like getting a girl flowers and being

the super nice guy meanwhile she's

banging Chad okay so you don't

necessarily want to do that but what I'm

saying is even small simple interactions

the stepping stones that lead to

interest that lead to attraction that

lead to you guys having chemistry

together this is where guys are getting

stuck we ultimately immediately see a

woman we're attracted to and be like

okay I want to have sex with her right

and then because of that we put them on

a pedestal because we don't want to mess

anything up that could potentially

prevent us from having sex with them and

how do guys mess up well we usually say

stupid things we usually have weak body

language we usually do dumb stuff

because we don't know any better so what

do we do instead we freeze we'd rather

not say anything and potentially mess

things up than say something that would

actually work and that's what I've

noticed happens with a lot of guys and

this is what makes us boring okay so

back to this uh story I was telling you

about this girl I wanted to say

something about her smile but it just

didn't come out so she's kind of shown

me around like this place I was working

at kind of shown me where everything is

I'm just kind of nodding my head like oh

okay yeah yeah and I could have totally

started up some small talk with her I

could have simply said how's your day

going so far anybody else you got a

train today what was your weekend like I

could have said anything but instead I

stayed quiet I just nodded my head M and

this wasn't like my boss or supervisor

or anything they just basically got a

girl to just show me around because she

just started there too and I just was so

scared to say something right now

eventually she finishes showing showing

me everything I'm like okay bye see you

later you know like the two words that

could come out of my mouth and I

remember I was going to my other job cuz

I had multiple jobs at the same time and

I was just like telling my co-workers

like [ __ ] man there's this girl she had

this amazing smile she was so cute and

uh I just didn't know what to say so I

just [ __ ] froze up like a total [ __ ]

you know and I just didn't really know

like how I could have handled things

differently and that's the most painful

feeling you can feel bro regret you know

when you're like wishing you did

something but you didn't do it because

you were scared and then in retrospect

you're like oh man I wish I knew what I

know now and then I would have been able

to smoke this right so I said to myself

you know what why do I actually care

that much you know why am I so scared of

what it is this person could think about

me is it because I'm potentially messing

up a relationship that we don't even

have you know what I mean so I started

to really think about my fears and I'm

like these are all stupid this is like

some caveman monkey [ __ ] basically

thousands of years ago you lived in such

a small tribe that you only had maybe

two or three women that you had a shot

with and if they rejected you or if

anybody in the village rejected you

rather you got kicked out of the village

and you died right so we have this in it

fear programmed into us and because of

that it makes us cautious and it makes

us boring and being boring is probably

the worst thing to be if you want to

make friends and you want to attract

girls okay being boring Works in some

situations right like if I am relying on

somebody to do a job for me and they're

they're boring they're just good at the

job perfect okay would you rather have a

plumber or Carpenter that's absolutely

amazing at his craft but he's kind of

boring or a guy that's going to [ __ ]

flood your basement put a hole in your

fence just blow up everything but he's

super funny and charismatic right

obviously you're going to want the

boring guy but when it comes to girls

and what they're interested in men often

times they want that toxic guy they

don't want a boring guy they want the

guy that's funny entertaining even if

he's broke in my circumstances at the

time I was like 20 years old I didn't

really have any money I had no

confidence of anything to be proud of

necessarily but I may as well [ __ ]

swing from the fences at that point

because I have nothing to lose whereas

you you're watching this you might not

have anything going on you don't have

any big business it's not like there's

like 30 cameras filming you at all times

you have nothing to lose but despite not

having anything to lose you still act

boring you don't swing from the fences

you don't take any chances right and the

reason that this is so important is

because if you're not taking chances

socially you're going to remain boring

the only way you know if something works

or doesn't work is if you try it this

applies to talking to girls we already

know from experience my experience your

experience and the clients that I've

helped with my socializer program where

I help guys get a girlfriend in like 60

to 90 days it's a little bit expensive

but again it's you know it gets you the

results you want so that's a program you

should check out if you really want to

solve this problem the clients I've

worked with they've been doing the same

thing for years they have have a girl

they're attracted to but they don't say

anything they just say the absolute bare

minimum in the conversation hello okay

nice to meet you you know like very

basic stuff and what I like to do and

this is something I've done in thousands

of videos where I approach girls in real

life and you can get access to those and

socializer by the way but I just go in

swinging for the fences I just make

jokes I make assumptions about the girl

I tease her I flirt I bring up some

random observation like I have this one

clip where I walk up to a girl and I'm

just completely distracted by the fact

that there's a squirrel sitting in a

tree chewing on a hamburger patty so I

just started talking to her I'm like yo

look at this there squirrel with a

hamburger patty and she's like oh my God

look at that oh my look at that squirrel

with that hamburger patty in its mouth

holy [ __ ] Mason get the squirrel with

the hamburger patty in its mouth you see

that you having fun I saw one with a

bagel in the top guys look there's a

squirrel eating a hamburger patty and

then we have this whole interaction then

I end up getting her number and going on

a date with her right there wasn't any

line there wasn't any awkwardness I just

went for and that's what makes girls

attracted to you the fact you go for it

and this thing you've been doing and

trying unsuccessfully over and over

again being boring being safe being you

know quiet it's not working it's never

worked it's not ever going to work you

need to do something different and this

is what's messing up your interactions

back to the girl the next time I saw her

I walked in there like it was the first

time I met her hey what's going on how

was your weekend oh okay what's your day

like today what are you up to you look

like you're always in a good mood what

are you are you high why you always

smiling so much and basically you know

I'm I'm just paraphrasing but we had a

goofy conversation I actually got her to

like laugh at herself like she's like

yeah I do smile all the time so I was

able to like compliment her about

something indirectly and that's another

thing that you guys need to learn how to

do instead of being like Oh my God your

eyes are so beautiful you could say

something like man you got a certain

look to you like what's going on behind

those eyes like what are you thinking

about right if a girl has a leather

jacket and you think it's nice you could

say something along the lines of all

right what's the story behind this

jacket like why did you choose that

today and I know you're probably

thinking like what the [ __ ] why are you

asking a girl why she chose a jacket but

again you guys don't realize this but

often times girls put a tremendous

amount of effort into what they wear

before they buy something before they

choose to wear it what clothes they

match it with dudes were simple we're

like oh that's a shirt I need a shirt to

wear so that I can buy an item from the

store and they don't kick me out so we

just buy a shirt we don't think about it

but girls do okay versus their eye color

they were born with that eye color they

didn't think about it they were just

born that way so what you do is you

compliment a girl on something a feature

of hers either indirectly or talk about

that item of theirs that they chose

specifically so you complement them on

something they did not something they

were born with right it's like

complimenting a girl on something she

accomplished as opposed to having blonde

hair you know what I mean when I did

this it actually allowed her to let her

guard down and and have an authentic

playful conversation with us and we

instantly got chemistry we instantly

became like those two at work that was

always hanging out together and

eventually we had a bunch of sex and it

was awesome okay we didn't end up dating

long term but we both got what we wanted

out of that and what was important was

that it actually taught me how if you

can just not be boring when you talk to

girls then you will get amazing

opportunities to build chemistry with

them so stop being so boring and stop

making the same mistake that I mentioned

before which is leading to your

conversation being boring don't default

to the one or two small talk lines that

you have okay I watched a video recently

and this guy was kind of talking about a

similar concept he works at a grocery

store and whenever somebody comes in he

says one or two of the same things hello

how's it going do you need a bag cash or

debit have a nice day that's it it's

like his brain automatically goes to

those but that's because he has a job

when you're talking to girls it's not a

job you don't need to go into default

work mode what you need to do is

actually communicate authentically

whatever you're thinking about as long

as it's appropriate right don't be like

wow look at your tits but instead be

like oh my God look at that squirrel in

the tree he's got a hamburger patty in

his mouth or be like man your smile is

just blown me away right now like did

you just rob a bank like why are you so

happy like it's raining outside what's

going on here maybe I'll be like you

I'll just start smiling everywhere I go

and then you kind of take the piss out

of the girl you kind of make jokes about

it because especially girls when they

are flattered they smile and their

cheeks get all red and blushy so you can

actually double down I think I had a

girl I was seeing one time I nicknamed

her Smiley and every time I called her

Smiley she would smile and then it would

get even more flirty because like I'd be

like oh look at you smiling again why

you trying to hide your smile you know

it's so beautiful again that's when you

can kind of work in that game so it's

all about being playful being fun and

being anything but boring as far as a

coworker goes I don't necessarily want

you to compliment them like that I want

you to play it smooth I want you to take

your time to attract them and if you

kind of want to learn how to do that

where like you have a classmate or a

cooworker you're super attracted to I

highly recommend you join socializer

school I have a guide on how to attract

a girl long term without [ __ ] where

you eat and potentially you know getting

fired from your job for doing something

stupid but at the same time I do want

you to have this level of comfort when

you small talk with girls and approach

them so that way you always have a good

first impression and especially when you

cold approach girls okay because at the

end of the day as nice as it is to meet

that attractive girl at your office or

in your class or whatever that's

actually a sign of laziness there are

thousands of girls out there that don't

have the same social implications that

your classmates or your co-workers would

have if you guys started dating and

here's what I mean by this if you start

a job you're there for the job not for

the girl that's cute okay so you could

potentially risk that job risk that

friendship and the dynamic at work by

being one of those weird guys that just

compliments girls right away okay cuz

that's not what you're there for however

if you're cold approaching a girl on the

street at a coffee shop a library a

restaurant you don't have to worry about

that because you two are probably never

going to see each other again so you can

be direct you can be honest you're there

to get coffee you're there to go to the

library but you can actually flirt you

can be direct you can cold approach the

girl whereas at school or at work you

have to handle things a little bit

differently and knowing how to react in

every specific situation is something

that takes a lot of time to learn but if

you want the cheat code if you want the

formula that I use and thousands of

young men if used join socializer you

can read about all the details on the

website we just made a new website it

looks super sick basically you get video

breakdowns of me approaching girls in

real life in different environments step

by step for you you get multiple courses

on mindset mental health anxiety

basically all the things that like guys

really struggle with they don't believe

in themselves and they're held back by

limiting beliefs we have a whole course

on procrastination so that you stop

watching videos and you actually

approach girls I have a course on how to

be a YouTuber and make a bunch of money

the same way that I've like communicated

to you this entire time without a script

without having to do a clickbait edit or

title No I just talk authentically to

the camera that's a skill that you can

monetize right we have that course and a

bunch more available in socializer

school plus you get to work with me

direct so that's my Shameless plug just

like the one that your dad uses in your

mom's and I hope that this video was

helpful for you and I'll see you in the

next one peace