This is Why You're Living Life on Autopilot

Summary

This video script delves into the concept of living life on autopilot, often a result of chronic depression or a lack of motivation. It suggests that this behavior could be a trauma response, stemming from environments of coercive control that inhibit emotional expression and planning for the future. The script explains how this leads to 'hemispheric lateralization,' separating emotions from analytical thinking, causing a disconnect in the brain's ability to initiate and follow through with intentions. Solutions include acknowledging emotions, reducing thought suppression, and integrating brain functions through activities like psychotherapy and meditation, which can help individuals regain intentional control over their lives.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The script discusses the issue of living life on autopilot, a common complaint in the speaker's psychiatry practice.
• 🔄 It identifies two groups: those who actively move towards the future with intention and those who live reactively, lacking motivation and discipline.
• 🤔 The speaker raises the question of whether this autopilot behavior is due to a lack of discipline or a deeper issue like trauma.
• 🧐 The concept of 'paralysis of initiation' is introduced, showing that this behavior is a common trauma response, not just a lack of self-starting ability.
• 🕊️ The script explains that even non-abusive environments can lead to this response through coercive control, where individuals' desires and needs are overridden.
• 😢 It highlights the impact of emotional suppression, which can lead to thought suppression, emotional dissociation, and a life lived on autopilot.
• 🧬 Neuroscience research by Van Der Kolk is mentioned, showing how trauma can lead to 'hemispheric lateralization', separating emotions from analytical and planning functions.
• 💡 The script suggests that psychotherapy can help heal trauma by bridging the emotional and analytical parts of the brain, improving life quality.
• 📝 Articulating emotions is recommended as a way to reduce hemispheric lateralization and improve the brain's ability to plan and execute tasks.
• 🚫 It advises against retreating from emotions or using distractions as coping mechanisms, which only reinforce the autopilot behavior.
• 💭 The speaker concludes with an analogy of feeling like a non-player character (NPC) in life, suggesting that addressing the trauma response can help individuals live more intentionally.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the video script?

The main issue discussed is living life on autopilot, which is a common complaint among people who struggle with motivation, discipline, or willpower to create a life with direction.

What are the two groups of people described in the script?

The two groups are those who successfully move towards the future with intention and direction, and those who live life reactively, often procrastinating and lacking the drive to craft a purposeful life.

What is the connection between living life on autopilot and trauma response?

The script suggests that living life on autopilot is actually a common trauma response, linked to the 'paralysis of initiation' observed in trauma survivors, such as prisoners of war.

What is the 'paralysis of initiation' and how does it relate to trauma?

The 'paralysis of initiation' refers to the difficulty in setting intentions or direction in life and following through with them. It is a problem observed in trauma survivors who have experienced situations where they had no control over their lives, leading to a reactive mode of living.

What is coercive control and how does it affect a person's ability to plan for the future?

Coercive control is an environment where an individual has no control over their life, often characterized by external dictates on daily activities. It affects the ability to plan for the future by suppressing the brain's capacity to think ahead due to the lack of control and agency.

How does growing up in an environment of coercive control impact a child's development?

Growing up in coercive control can lead to the 'paralysis of initiation' by suppressing a child's ability to express desires, needs, and emotions, which in turn affects their capacity to set goals and plan for the future.

What is the concept of hemispheric lateralization and how does it relate to living life on autopilot?

Hemispheric lateralization refers to the separation of emotional experiences and creativity from analytical and planning functions in the brain. This separation, often a result of emotional and thought suppression, can lead to living life on autopilot by disconnecting emotions from the ability to plan and execute tasks.

What role does the corpus callosum play in the brain's response to trauma?

The corpus callosum is the part of the brain that connects the right and left hemispheres. In cases of trauma, it may not function effectively, leading to a disconnection between emotional experiences and the ability to plan and organize, which contributes to the autopilot lifestyle.

How does psychotherapy help in healing trauma and reducing hemispheric lateralization?

Psychotherapy helps by encouraging individuals to articulate their emotions, which strengthens the connection between the emotional right hemisphere and the analytical left hemisphere, thereby reducing hemispheric lateralization and improving the ability to plan and live intentionally.

What practical steps can individuals take to overcome living life on autopilot?

Individuals can work on acknowledging and articulating their emotions, reducing thought and emotional suppression, and avoiding retreating from negative emotions. Practices like journaling and meditation can also help integrate the brain's hemispheres and improve intentional living.

What is the analogy used in the script to describe the feeling of living life on autopilot?

The script uses the analogy of an NPC (non-player character) in a video game, who only becomes active when interacted with by others, to describe the feeling of living life reactively without intention or direction.

Outlines

00:00

🛑 Overcoming Autopilot Living: Trauma's Impact on Initiative

The first paragraph introduces the concept of living life on autopilot and the author's experience with patients struggling with this issue. It distinguishes between two groups: those who intentionally move towards their future and those who live reactively, lacking motivation and discipline. The author highlights the connection between this reactive living and a trauma response known as 'paralysis of initiation,' which was initially observed in prisoners of war and later found to be prevalent in a significant portion of the population. The paragraph concludes by introducing the idea that living on autopilot may not be due to a lack of discipline but rather a common trauma response linked to coercive control environments.

05:02

🧠 Understanding the Brain's Response to Coercive Control and Trauma

The second paragraph delves into the effects of coercive control environments on individuals, particularly children, and how these environments can lead to the 'paralysis of initiation.' It discusses the suppression of emotions and thoughts as a survival mechanism in such settings, which can lead to dissociation in extreme cases. The author explains the neuroscientific concept of hemispheric lateralization, where the brain's right hemisphere handles emotions and creativity, while the left hemisphere is responsible for analysis and planning. The trauma-induced separation of these functions can result in living life on autopilot, as the emotional experiences are disconnected from the ability to plan and execute tasks.

10:03

🌉 Bridging the Brain Hemispheres for Integrated Living

The third paragraph explores the healing process of trauma through psychotherapy, which helps to bridge the gap between the emotional and analytical parts of the brain. It discusses the role of language in expressing emotions and how this process can strengthen the connection between the brain's hemispheres. The author suggests that articulating emotions can lead to a reduction in hemispheric lateralization, allowing for a more integrated approach to living. The paragraph also advises against retreating from emotions and emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing them to foster brain integration and move away from an autopilot existence.

15:04

🎮 From NPC to Player Character: Taking Control of Your Life

The final paragraph uses the analogy of video game characters to illustrate the difference between living life with intention and living reactively. It suggests that the trauma response may make individuals feel like non-playable characters (NPCs), only acting when prompted by external stimuli. The author encourages those who feel like NPCs to recognize that their autopilot living may be a result of a common trauma response rather than a lack of willpower or discipline. The paragraph ends with a motivational note, urging individuals to take control of their lives and move beyond the reactive state.

Keywords

💡Autopilot

The term 'autopilot' in the context of the video refers to a state of living where individuals are not actively directing their lives but are instead passively reacting to external stimuli. It's a metaphor for a lack of intentionality and agency in one's life. The video discusses how some people live life on autopilot due to a lack of motivation, discipline, or willpower to craft a life with direction, which is actually a common trauma response.

💡Intention

Intention is the conscious decision and effort to move towards a specific goal or future. In the video, it is contrasted with living life reactively. People with intention are described as those who acknowledge that moving towards the future requires direction and effort, whereas those who live reactively are unable to find the motivation to craft a life with direction.

💡Motivation

Motivation is the psychological drive that compels someone to take action towards a goal. The video discusses how some people struggle with finding the motivation to pursue their goals or to live life with intention. It also mentions that the resources available for creating sustainable change are not very effective, which is why the speaker started a program to help people.

💡Trauma Response

A 'trauma response' is a psychological reaction to a deeply distressing or life-threatening event. In the video, it is revealed that living life on autopilot is actually a common trauma response, which may seem surprising as it's often attributed to a lack of discipline or motivation. The video explains that this response can be traced back to experiences of trauma, leading to a paralysis of initiation.

💡Paralysis of Initiation

Paralysis of initiation is a psychological condition where individuals have difficulty setting intentions or directions in their life and following through with them. The video explains that this condition was initially observed in prisoners of war and later found to be prevalent in a significant portion of the population, even in those who did not experience overt trauma.

💡Coercive Control

Coercive control refers to an environment where individuals have no control over their lives and are forced to comply with the demands of others. In the video, it is suggested that growing up in such an environment can lead to the paralysis of initiation, as the brain learns that planning for the future is futile when one has no agency or control over their life.

💡Emotional Suppression

Emotional suppression is the act of inhibiting or repressing one's emotions. The video discusses how in environments of coercive control, individuals learn to suppress their emotions because expressing them leads to punishment. This suppression can lead to a separation of emotions from the ability to plan and execute tasks, contributing to living life on autopilot.

💡Hemispheric Lateralization

Hemispheric lateralization is a concept in neuroscience that refers to the division of cognitive functions between the two hemispheres of the brain. The video explains that in individuals who have experienced trauma, there is a separation of emotional experiences (right brain) from analytical and planning functions (left brain), which can lead to living life on autopilot.

💡Corpus Callosum

The corpus callosum is a band of nerve fibers that connects the two hemispheres of the brain, facilitating communication between them. The video discusses how in cases of trauma, the corpus callosum may not function effectively, leading to a disconnection between emotional experiences and analytical thinking, which is crucial for intentional living.

💡Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is a therapeutic treatment that aims to help individuals with mental health issues or emotional difficulties. In the video, psychotherapy is mentioned as a method that can heal trauma by bridging the disconnection between the emotional and analytical parts of the brain, allowing for better integration and a reduction in autopilot living.

💡NPC

NPC stands for 'non-player character' and is a term borrowed from video games, referring to characters that are not controlled by a player but follow a set of predefined behaviors. In the video, the analogy of feeling like an NPC is used to describe the experience of living life on autopilot, where individuals only act when prompted by external stimuli rather than taking initiative.

Highlights

The discussion focuses on overcoming the autopilot mode of living and its connection to chronic depression and lack of motivation.

Identifies two groups: those with intentional direction in life and those who live reactively without planning.

Introduction of the concept of 'paralysis of initiation' as a common trauma response affecting up to 50-60% of the population.

Historical research from the 1960s links trauma to difficulties in setting life intentions and direction.

Explanation of how prisoners of war experienced a reactive mode of living due to lack of control over their lives.

Connection drawn between the trauma response in POWs and the effects of growing up in coercive control environments.

Description of coercive control environments where individual desires and needs are overridden, leading to paralysis of initiation.

Analysis of how emotional suppression in childhood can lead to thought suppression and dissociation in adulthood.

Neuroscience research by Van Der Kolk revealing the impact of emotional suppression on brain function and hemispheric lateralization.

The role of the corpus callosum in connecting the emotional and analytical parts of the brain and its impairment due to trauma.

Meditation and flow states as methods to achieve brain integration and overcome the trauma response.

Clinical evidence supporting psychotherapy as a means to bridge the emotional and planning aspects of the brain.

The importance of articulating emotions in psychotherapy to strengthen brain synchronicity and improve life outcomes.

Strategies to stop retreating from emotions and the role of self-awareness in overcoming emotional suppression.

The analogy of feeling like a non-player character (NPC) in life due to the trauma response and the need for external stimuli to act.

Final thoughts on the prevalence of the trauma response and its potential misinterpretation as a lack of willpower or discipline.

Transcripts

today we're going to talk about how to

stop living life on autopilot

in my Psychiatry practice I would get

tons of patients who would come in with

essentially this complaint and they

would look slightly differently so

people would come in with something like

chronic depression or people who've been

depressed their whole life other times

it would be people like students who

they could study for a test but

theoretically they know they should be

networking or they should be doing

extracurriculars and they couldn't seem

to motivate themselves towards actually

moving towards something

and so it seemed like there were almost

two groups of people there's this group

of people out there who sort of thinks

about the future acknowledges that

moving towards the future is going to

require intention and Direction and

effort and they successfully sort of

move towards it and there's this other

group of people who sort of just lives

life reactively if something happens to

them they can respond to it if there's

some sort of external deadline they can

find some degree of motivation but they

usually procrastinate and wait till the

last second but they can't seem to find

the motivation discipline or willpower

to actually craft a life with Direction

hey there thanks for watching and I'm

glad these videos have been helpful a

lot of times I'll read the comments and

see people asking well what do I

actually do about it which is such a

great question and unfortunately my

experience has been that the resources

out there aren't actually that good at

helping people create sustainable change

which is why I started HG in the first

place he coaches are trained on a

curriculum that integrates all of my

unders standing into what is motivation

what paralyzes Us and how to create

lasting behavioral change so if you're

ready to take the next step he coaches

are ready to build the life that you

want they've helped people build careers

find relationships build networks of

friends discover what their passions are

and pursue their Hobbies so if this

sounds like something that you'd be

interested in check out the link in the

description below and it turns out that

this is actually a trauma response which

may sound kind of surprising because we

tend to think about okay if I'm living

my life on autopilot isn't that an issue

of like lack of discipline or motivation

or whatever I'm not a self-starter but

it actually turns out that due to a lot

of recent research we've discovered this

is actually a very common trauma

response in a large portion of the

population

so the research with this actually

starts like maybe in the 60s when there

were trauma researchers who discovered

that people who experienced trauma have

this problem called the paralysis of

initiation and so what that sort of

means is they notice that pows prisoners

of war from places like the Vietnam War

had difficulty sort of setting some kind

of intention or Direction in their life

and following through with it that these

prisoners of War essentially lived life

in sort of a survival or reactive mode

essentially what they're doing is just

going through life every single day and

if something happens to them they can

respond to it but they can't seem to

kind of formulate a plan for the future

and you may be listening to this and

sort of thinking well okay that makes

sense for people who are prisoners of

war and we'll explain what the principle

is but as we did more and more research

on trauma we started to discover is up

to even 50 or 60 percent of the

population has this kind of response and

we looked at people like kids who grew

up even in non-abusive households who

can sometimes Manifest this paralysis of

initiation so what causes the paralysis

of initiation it comes down to something

called being raised in an environment of

coercive control so if we look at the

prisoner of war camp what happens there

this is a situation in which you have no

control over your life you wake up every

day you do what the guards tell you to

do you eat what they tell you to eat and

really your brain can't plan for the

future because you have no idea are you

going to be here for a day are you going

to be here for a year are you going to

be here for a decade so there's no point

in thinking about the future if you have

no control over the future and no agency

in your life how does that environment

of coercive control translate to even

regular kids who are not prisoners of

War well it turns out that a lot of us

grew up in situations where we also were

raised in an environment of coercive

control and so think a little bit about

your parents in the environment that you

grew up in was this a situation where

you could sort of set the direction of

your life when you were seven years old

eight years old 10 years old 12 years

old 15 16 17. could you go to your

parents and say hey I want to learn how

to play this instrument or I want to

stop learning how to play this

instrument or did you grow up in an

environment where if you sort of

expressed your desires or needs those

were constantly overridden there are a

couple of other features that we sort of

see from Child Development in this kind

of paralysis of initiation so these were

also kids that were not allowed to

express thoughts or emotions so another

really interesting diagnostic kind of

test that I would do with my patients is

that I would ask them when you

experienced emotions in your household

how were those emotions responded to so

if you got pissed off were you punished

for it if you got scared what are you

punished for it if you started crying at

home did your parents get mad at you for

crying and call you ungrateful so if we

sort of look at these situations what

we're starting to realize is that the

things that happen within you

start to become problematic so let's

kind of go back to the prisoner of war

example for a second so if I get pissed

at the guards what happens the guards

aren't going to apologize they're going

to actually punish me for it if I get

pissed at my parents what's going to

happen if I start yelling at my parents

they're going to punish me for it right

and so then if you sort of stop and

think about it what's happening in your

brain what is the lesson that your brain

learns your brain learns the lesson that

expressing emotions feeling emotions and

even trying to build some kind of plan

for the future is an absolute waste of

time at best and it's actually something

that hurts and punishes us at worst and

so literally what happens in these kids

as well as the pows is our brain starts

to suppress those thoughts and emotions

and something really devastating happens

when we start to do this emotional

suppression

so in the mild cases what we sort of

result in is thought suppression

suppression or emotional suppression

right because our brain learns hey when

we get pissed off it actually damages us

so we're gonna stop feeling anger we're

gonna stop feeling fear we're going to

stop feeling shame and then in the worst

case scenarios when we get into really

traumatic situations this ends up as

Frank dissociation so dissociation is

when we completely separate ourselves

from our emotions so even though there

are negative things happening to us we

don't really feel those emotions at all

because the suppression has gotten to

such a high level that we're actually

mentally checking out completely it

turns out that there's actually some

really fascinating Neuroscience research

that explains how suppressing our

thoughts and emotions literally leads us

to living a life on autopilot now a lot

of This research was done by by Van Der

kolk who did literally brain scans of

people who grew up with some kind of

traumatic diagnosis and what they

discovered is essentially there's this

cool neuroscientific phenomenon which is

damaging but it's really fascinating

called hemispheric lateralization now

what does that mean so we got to take a

step back and understand hemispheric

lateralization

so some time ago we sort of came up with

this idea that our right brain is

creative and emotional and our left

brain is sort of analytical planning and

this is where language also kind of is

dominated by the the left hemisphere

what trauma researchers discovered is

that this old concept actually turns out

to be true and that what would happen in

these people who did a lot of thought

suppression and emotional suppression is

they actually had a corpus callosum that

did not allow the two parts of their

brain to connect the corpus callosum is

sort of in the middle of our brain that

connects our right and left hemisphere

and so what Van Der kolt discovered is

that there's this hemispheric

lateralization which means I'm going to

separate all of my emotional experiences

and creativity from analysis

organization planning execution and even

language and so what they sort of

discovered is that when you dissociate

what happens is you take all these

feelings but they don't affect you in

the moment so you're able to kind of

still go through tasks and kind of like

almost live life on autopilot keeping

all these emotions left to the side and

now what we sort of discovered is that

even kids who were growing up in this

environment of course of control have

some degree of this going on

so when we have this hemispheric

lateralization and we essentially

separate out our emotions from our

ability to plan and execute tasks which

by the way is absolutely necessary right

because in the traumatic experience we

can't afford to have our emotions affect

our actions we have to be completely

separate I can't let my anger result in

me actually yelling at my parents

because I'm pissed off or blaming them

or holding them accountable because I'm

going to get punished so in order to

survive our brain decides to do this

thing where it's like hey we're going to

separate these two parts of ourselves

organization planning and action are

going to be over here and emotions are

going to be over here

now in that moment it helps us survive

in that that kind of environment but it

causes us a huge problem long term this

adaptation which supports our survival

becomes a maladaptation as we begin to

grow up because it turns out that a lot

of our ability to initiate tasks and

sort of plan for the future to live a

life with intentionality requires

integration across both hemispheres so

if we look at research on things like

meditation what we kind of discover is

that when we enter these meditative

States we have a lot of synchronicity

across both sides of our brain and when

we meditate a lot we start to like get

into these flow States we start planning

for the future we start living our life

to its fullest and literally this trauma

response does the exact opposite of that

by separating these two parts of our

brain

and there's actually good clinical

evidence to support this as well because

one of the things that we've sort of

discovered is that one of the reasons

Psychotherapy heals trauma is because it

actually Bridges these two things so

remember that the right hemisphere is

where we experience emotion and the left

hemisphere is where where our language

comes from and so if you work with

people who sort of have this traumatic

upbringing they have a lot of difficulty

vocalizing their emotions and so it

turns out that even in Psychotherapy

when you sit down with someone and you

just get them to talk about their

feelings it turns out that that sort of

strengthens the synchronicity across

both parts of the brain so what we're

sort of doing is I've got all these

emotions over here which normally I

separate and without any sort of emotion

I can't kind of plan or like live life

to the fullest and even if we sort of

think about

um you know like these movies that we

watch whether there's a hero or heroine

who like digs really deep and like

conquers all their fears what are they

driven by it's usually driven by some

kind of ocean

and so what what's sort of happening in

these people who are traumatic is that

these parts are separated and they can't

harness that emotion to kind of plan for

the future and their left brain is

actually sort of shut off so one way

that we can sort of reinvigorate that

left brain is actually through the

process of psychotherapy where we sort

of get people to articulate their

emotions and this is what's also really

confusing for people because a lot of

people will say I don't understand

how talking about my feelings is going

to fix anything right my problems are my

problems and talking about my feelings

is over here but I can't do anything

about it right I need to fix the

problems and it's that that's precisely

the problem is that right now even

though you know you have a problem your

brain isn't able to actually execute on

those tasks and this is what's really

bizarre is that the way that we're able

to execute it the way that you can

almost turn on your brain to execute on

that task is by reducing this

hemispheric lateralization which can be

done through things like talking

so if you're kind of living your life on

autopilot there are a couple of things

that we can do to help integrate our

brain as we've already mentioned even

articulation of your emotional state

will sort of lead to this synchronicity

and well I know it sounds kind of

bizarre but we'll get you to actually

start doing stuff for the future the

second thing that you can do is stop

retreating from your emotions so in the

minds of people who have grown up with

this kind of environment of coercive

control remember that your brain has

learned that when I experience negative

emotions this results in bad things so

anytime you start to experience negative

emotions your brain will cope by

retreating from those emotions or

distracting yourself

and this process needs to be stopped and

the tricky thing about this is that if

you grew up with a lot of emotional

suppression you may not even detect the

emotion all you're going to experience

is the retreat Behavior so I don't know

why but today I'm going to get up and

instead of doing anything that I'm

supposed to be doing I'm just going to

distract myself with stuff and if you

really pay attention to yourself what

you'll discover is that the amount of

distraction that you do is not the same

on a day-to-day basis even though your

circumstances are broadly the same there

are certain things that will trigger the

retreat so you really have to pay

attention and pay attention to when you

feel like retreating when you feel like

procrastinating there's one question you

can ask yourself which is okay am I

actually feeling some kind of emotion

here is there something going on where

someone has said something or someone

has done something or there's a deadline

coming up or something is going on that

is triggering or in a normal person

would trigger some kind of anxiety or

fear or something like that and if the

answer to that is yes just stop for a

second and try to pay attention to okay

what am I feeling right now

you can take a look at some of these

very simple things like your heart rate

um you know your respiratory rate why is

it that it's so hard for you to be able

to focus in this moment and this is

where a lot of people slip up because

they think that the goal is to force

themselves to focus but the goal is not

to force yourself to focus that's what's

really bizarre the goal is simply to

acknowledge the emotion and to not

Retreat from it so as we acknowledge the

emotion and not Retreat from it what

that'll sort of do is train our brain to

okay we no longer need to do thought

suppression and emotional suppression

these are things that are no longer

dangerous and will cause us pain and as

we take a step forward into that

direction and hopefully we can even

articulate it by journaling or something

like that the more integration we're

going to get across our hemispheres and

this is what we sort of see clinically

with patients with trauma is when you do

Psychotherapy on trauma and they start

to articulate all their emotions their

life starts to improve even though the

therapist is not helping them you know

get a job or apply for a promotion or

form relationships or anything like that

all we're doing is sort of getting the

brain to function the way that it's

supposed to

I want to just leave you all with kind

of one last kind of analogy which is

that sometimes in life we sort of feel

like we're an NPC we're not living Our

Lives as player characters right so a

player character decides what they're

gonna do they're going to be pursuing

main quests they're going to be going

here and going there and there's some

degree of advancement but some of us

feel like we're NPCs and what we're sort

of doing is we're just existing in our

little corner of the world and we're not

even saying anything or doing anything

until someone else comes along and when

they interact with us when they right

click us that's when we start to go

through this dialogue and we become

active and this is exactly what happens

in this trauma response because you

can't live a life with intention you're

living life very reactively and it

requires external stimuli to motivate

you to action

so if you're someone who's sort of

living life as an NPC it may not be due

to lack of willpower or discipline it

may simply be due to this sort of

stealth and very common trauma response

that affects up to 50 of people

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