Why it's important to make time for yourself - Om Swami [English]

Summary

The video explores the balance between personal fulfillment and obligations to family and society. It emphasizes the importance of taking time for oneself and not being consumed by duties that have outlived their relevance. Using examples like Jeff Bezos, it encourages viewers to consider their future regrets and to live life fully. The speaker also touches on meditation practices, advising on how to progress and avoid attachment to specific experiences, suggesting alternating methods and knowing when to move on.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Balancing personal aspirations with family and societal duties is subjective and varies from person to person.
• 👨‍👧 Parents are not obligated to continue supporting their adult children beyond a certain point, such as when they are past their education years.
• 💡 It's important to set boundaries and communicate one's needs for personal time and space within relationships.
• 🚫 Avoid neglecting oneself under the weight of obligations, as it can lead to loneliness and irrelevance in the lives of those around you.
• 💪 Having the courage to stand up for oneself and express personal needs is crucial for happiness and self-fulfillment.
• 💼 Jeff Bezos' story illustrates the importance of taking risks and prioritizing one's dreams over immediate financial security.
• 🧘‍♂️ Meditation and personal growth require a balance between consistency in practice and the willingness to embrace new challenges.
• 🔄 The concept of non-attachment is essential in meditation, as experiences are transient and the mind is ever-changing.
• 🌱 Progress in meditation can be achieved by varying the types of practice, increasing session durations, or taking breaks to rejuvenate.
• 🛑 Recognizing when it's time to move on in one's practice is indicated by a sense of stagnation or the desire for a new challenge.
• 💭 The script emphasizes the importance of living a life without regrets, taking bold steps, and embracing the fullness of life's experiences.

Q & A

What is the speaker's view on balancing personal desires with family and societal obligations?

The speaker suggests that while obligations to family and society are important, there comes a time when they should not hinder personal growth and happiness. It's crucial to find a balance and not let obligations completely overshadow one's own needs and desires.

How does the speaker define the 'use by date' of obligations towards family members?

The speaker uses the term 'use by date' to imply that there is a limit to how long one should be responsible for others, especially when they are capable of taking care of themselves, such as children who are past their early years and are educated.

What advice does the speaker give for maintaining one's individuality within a relationship?

The speaker advises that even within a relationship where partners need each other, it's important to have personal time for activities that bring joy and fulfillment, such as meditation or visiting an ashram.

What is the significance of being clear about one's needs in the speaker's perspective?

According to the speaker, clarity about one's needs is essential for setting boundaries and communicating effectively with loved ones. It allows for the establishment of personal time without guilt or conflict.

What does the speaker suggest could happen if one neglects their own needs for the sake of obligations?

The speaker warns that neglecting oneself in favor of obligations can lead to a state of loneliness and irrelevance, as others may only remember the person when they need something, not when they are content.

How does the speaker relate the story of Jeff Bezos to the topic of pursuing one's path?

The speaker uses Jeff Bezos' story as an example of courage and foresight. Bezos quit his job and放弃了 his bonus to pursue his dream, which eventually led to the creation of Amazon. This illustrates the importance of taking risks and prioritizing one's own path.

What decision-making strategy does the speaker attribute to Jeff Bezos?

The speaker mentions that Bezos uses a strategy of imagining himself at the end of his life and considering what he would regret not having done. This perspective helps in making decisions that align with one's true desires and goals.

What is the speaker's view on the fear of failure and its impact on life choices?

The speaker believes that the fear of failure can prevent people from taking significant steps in life. They encourage considering what one would regret at the end of life, which can motivate taking risks and trying new things.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with the fear of failure?

The speaker suggests asking oneself about their greatest regrets and considering what they would regret not having done. This reflection can help put things in perspective and encourage taking necessary actions.

How does the speaker address the topic of attachment to meditation experiences?

The speaker advises not to be attached to specific meditation experiences, as consciousness is ever-changing. They recommend focusing on the practice itself and enjoying experiences when they occur without expecting them to be repeated.

What strategies does the speaker recommend for progressing in meditation?

The speaker suggests alternating between different kinds of meditation, increasing the duration of sessions, and occasionally taking breaks to rejuvenate the mind. They also mention that it's time to move on when one feels a plateau has been reached.

How does the speaker describe the nature of consciousness in relation to meditation?

The speaker compares consciousness to a constantly flowing river, emphasizing that it is ever-changing and not static. This understanding helps in not being attached to specific meditation experiences.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Balancing Personal Desires and Family Obligations

This paragraph discusses the delicate balance between fulfilling one's duties to family and society, and pursuing personal aspirations. It emphasizes that while obligations are important, there comes a time when they should be reconsidered, especially when they hinder personal growth. The speaker uses the example of parents not being obligated to take care of their adult children's children. The importance of self-care and setting boundaries is highlighted, suggesting that clarity about one's needs is crucial for a healthy life. The paragraph also touches on the courage required to stand up for oneself and the potential loneliness that can result from neglecting one's needs. It concludes with an example of Jeff Bezos, illustrating how taking risks can lead to significant achievements.

05:01

🔮 Reflecting on Life's Choices and Regrets

The second paragraph delves into the concept of making life decisions without regrets. It suggests imagining oneself at the end of life to determine what one would have wanted to do differently. The speaker uses Jeff Bezos' story as an example of someone who made a bold decision without guarantees of success. The paragraph encourages individuals to live without fear of failure, to take risks, and to make decisions that align with their true desires. It also advises against living in constant fear and to instead live fully and mindfully, taking charge of one's life and making the most of the present moment.

10:04

🧘‍♂️ Navigating Meditation and Personal Growth

The final paragraph focuses on the practice of meditation and the importance of not becoming attached to specific experiences or states of consciousness. It advises on how to progress in meditation by alternating between different types, increasing the duration of sessions, or taking breaks to rejuvenate the mind. The speaker emphasizes the ever-changing nature of consciousness, likening it to a flowing river, and suggests that attachment to past experiences can lead to agitation. The paragraph concludes with guidance on knowing when it's time to move on to the next level in one's practice, suggesting that plateaus and the desire for further growth are signals to seek new challenges.

Keywords

💡Duty

Duty refers to the moral or legal obligations one has towards others, such as family or society. In the video, it is discussed in the context of balancing personal aspirations with the responsibilities one holds. The speaker mentions that obligations may have a 'use by date,' suggesting that there comes a time when one should prioritize their own needs over their duties to others, such as when children are grown and no longer require the same level of care.

💡Pursue

To pursue means to follow or strive for a goal or objective. In the script, the pursuit of one's own path is contrasted with fulfilling obligations to others. The speaker encourages the audience to have the courage to pursue what makes them happy and to not let fear of failure or societal expectations hinder their personal growth and fulfillment.

💡Obligations

Obligations are duties or tasks that one is expected to perform. The video discusses how people can become overly burdened by their obligations, especially when they are no longer necessary or beneficial. The speaker uses the example of not being obligated to care for grown children's children, emphasizing the importance of recognizing when obligations are outdated.

💡Meditation

Meditation is a practice of focusing the mind and achieving a mentally clear and emotionally calm state. In the video, meditation is presented as a means for personal growth and self-discovery. The speaker advises on how to progress in meditation and not to become attached to specific experiences, suggesting that one should focus on the practice itself rather than seeking to replicate particular states of consciousness.

💡Attachment

Attachment in the context of the video refers to the emotional or mental clinging to certain experiences or outcomes, particularly in meditation. The speaker warns against becoming attached to specific meditation experiences, as this can lead to frustration and hinder progress. Instead, one should enjoy the experiences when they occur and remain focused on the practice.

💡Consciousness

Consciousness is the state of being aware of and able to think and perceive one's surroundings, thoughts, and emotions. The video likens consciousness to a constantly flowing river, indicating that it is ever-changing and dynamic. This concept is used to explain why meditation experiences may vary and why one should not be attached to replicating specific states.

💡Self-Care

Self-care involves taking actions to maintain or improve one's own well-being. The speaker in the video emphasizes the importance of self-care, suggesting that neglecting oneself in favor of fulfilling obligations to others can lead to loneliness and a sense of being unneeded once those obligations are no longer relevant.

💡Courage

Courage is the ability to do something despite fear or being aware of the potential consequences. In the script, courage is highlighted as a necessary quality for standing up for oneself and pursuing personal happiness, even in the face of societal expectations or the fear of failure.

💡Regret

Regret is a feeling of sadness or disappointment over something that one has done or failed to do. The video speaker suggests imagining one's life at an older age to identify what one might regret not having done, using this as a motivator to take action and live life fully.

💡Bliss

Bliss refers to a state of perfect happiness or great joy. In the context of meditation, the speaker discusses the pursuit of blissful states and the importance of not becoming attached to these experiences. The concept of bliss is used to illustrate the potential rewards of meditation and the need to balance the desire for such states with the practice itself.

💡Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is the apprehension or anxiety about not achieving success or performing adequately. The video discusses how this fear can prevent individuals from taking significant steps in their lives, such as starting a new business or making major life changes. The speaker encourages overcoming this fear by considering the potential for regret if one does not take action.

Highlights

Duty towards family and society varies based on individual circumstances.

Obligations can have an expiration date, especially when others become self-sufficient.

People may use obligations as a means to avoid taking responsibility for their own lives.

In a marriage, mutual need does not negate the need for personal space and time.

Clarity on personal needs is essential for setting boundaries and maintaining balance.

Loved ones should support personal time for self-care and growth.

Neglecting oneself due to duty can lead to loneliness and irrelevance.

Courage is required to stand up for personal needs and happiness.

Jeff Bezos' story illustrates the importance of taking risks for personal fulfillment.

Imagining oneself at the end of life can provide clarity on life decisions and regrets.

Fear of failure can prevent people from taking significant life steps.

Asking about one's greatest regret can be a positive tool for life perspective.

Taking charge of one's life and living fully is encouraged over living in fear.

Meditation can lead to various states of consciousness, but attachment to them should be avoided.

Progress in meditation can be made by alternating between different techniques.

Increasing the duration of meditation sessions or taking breaks can enhance practice.

A plateau in meditation indicates it may be time to seek a new level of challenge.

Consciousness is ever-flowing, and attachment to specific experiences can cause agitation.

Enjoying meditation experiences without attachment allows for natural progression.

Transcripts

[Music]

the first question was

how to

no how much is your

duty towards your family or the society

and if you wish to pursue your own path

or you are doing something for yourself

how much time

is reasonable how do you differentiate

between that

i guess the answer is different for

different people

but there comes a time

when your obligations

get past their use by date

now those who are needy

will always remind you of your

obligations

if you have children who are let's say

educated now

past 20 25 you are not obligated to

clean their children's nappies or change

their

nappies actually so it's a it's not a

nice visual don't go after that

so

somewhere when people don't take

responsibility for their own

actions and lives they will cry

the this thing but obligation but you

were supposed to do this you are

supposed to do that

now in a husband and wife relationship

it happens that they both need each

other

but that does not mean that you can't go

away

and meditate or you can't do what gives

you joy

or you can't come to the ashram for

example

somewhere if you are clear about what

you want

problem is when you are not clear but if

you are clear

then you have to just sit down and say

to your people

i need an hour to myself every day or i

need two hours to myself

every day or i need 10 hours to myself

every day

whatever that figure is only you know

or i need to be away for two days

a weekend every month or i need this

time to myself

every quarter if you are clear

sit down and tell them and talk to them

if they love you really they will say

look

sure we can we can adjust you can be

away for four or five days or whatever

be the case if under the burden of duty

or obligation you are going to keep

neglecting

yourself one day

you will end up in a very bad state

you'll end up very lonely because you

kept on doing things for your family and

they have moved on

and when they move on they don't need

you

it's a sad truth they only need you

when they need you

when they are happy in their own space

they would never think of you

they would call you when they need you

or they would call you because you've

been pestering them you don't call

anymore you don't call anymore

and this look mom or dad whatever i'm

calling you now are you happy everything

is great can i put the phone down

so you must have the courage to stand up

for yourself

you must have the courage to

say look this is what i need in my life

to be happy

you know jeff bezos he um as you know he

is

the owner of amazon the founder and for

the second richest

man and recently he was the richest then

he went back to second richest

anyway that's not the point the point is

he quit his job in the middle of the

year

he was a wall street uh professional a

banker i think

and his bonus would be paid towards the

end of the year

by quitting his job in the middle of the

year he let go of that bonus

and he started a company called amazon

that just sold

books now later

somebody asked him how did you gather

the courage

to do this

how you quit midway you

jumped on the bandwagon called the

internet and there was no guarantee

there were no guarantees of anything he

said listen

i sat down one day and this is how i

take decisions in life he said

i imagine i am 80 years old

and i am about to die

he said i imagined myself in an 80 year

old

body and i asked myself

what would i be saying to to me when i

would be 80

what is better of the two i wish i had

done this

i wish i had quit my job at that time

and built

this company i wish i had lived my life

a certain way

i wish i had done those things that i

wanted to do

or would i be saying to myself that i'm

so glad i slogged

eight hours a day or ten hours a day um

in a bank he said so

when you imagine what you would

not want to regret when it's your time

to leave this planet

your whole way of looking at life will

change

and it's so true if you imagine yourself

that okay

i won't be waking up the next moment

this is my last moment

have i done all i wanted to do with my

life

or under the guise of obligations and

duties and attachments

and other things or just fear

people the fear of failure hinders

people

they don't make some of the biggest

steps they could in their life because

they are afraid of failing

did i live fully or did i just

live in fear when i'm 80 and i'm about

to die

am i going to think i wish i'd done this

or will i be

telling myself i'm so glad i tried it

even if i failed

at least i tried at least i saw what

this was

about and that's one good way of making

knowing what you should do you find you

ask yourself

what is your greatest regret it sounds

negative but the idea is very positive

behind it

you ask yourself what is my greatest

regret or what would be my greatest

regret one day when i would be

85 or 90 or whenever it's my last moment

going to come that will

help you put things in perspective and

you will find yourself taking

very different decisions you will find

yourself

doing what you should be doing

because look at this world it prays to

krishna not his wives who did all the

work

so why don't you become the krishna

yourself as opposed to being

a wife take on that role

take charge of your life take control

live the way you want to

live don't live like there is no

tomorrow

because it is going to come and if you

don't take care of today tomorrow is

going to be much worse

but live sensibly

live mindfully but at least live

fully it's a beautiful life

you have a shot at it at it don't just

lose it that's my taste so kay's

question is about

meditation she's experiencing

a certain state or variation of some

states

while indeed concentration

and your question is a how not to get

attached to these

how to progress how to get the most yes

how to get the most out of these and how

not to get attached

and second is how to progress and third

is how to know

it's time to move on

there is a simple principle that applies

to

meditation and many other things

now when you want

to perfect something

the best way is to

keep making improvements and keep

doing it when you keep doing something

listening to the feedback your mind is

giving making adjustments as you go

along

you will eventually become a master

in that particular thing whatever that

field may be

but when you want to get to the next

level you can't just keep on doing the

same

thing somewhere you have to

i don't want to say the word tighten the

nose but turn up the heat

somewhere you have to take your mind and

body to the next

level of challenge

at each step of the challenge you will

discover another

pearl now how to make the most

out of your current experience

is by either building

your practice or by just

rejoicing in those experiences because

they will

take a backseat on their own

if i enter into a meditation or any

particular

activity thinking i would

like to experience the same

state or bliss again

it's a hard road then often it doesn't

come and in fact it can lead to

agitation oh yesterday it was so

beautiful

why can't i feel the same way today

because one thing we don't realize is

consciousness

is ever flowing it's like river it's

been constantly compared with the river

that even the river is flowing from the

same place it's never the same

a river that's flown now it's the

different water flowing there

so consciousness is ever flowing in our

store of

mind in that mega store there are

millions and millions and millions of

thoughts and billions of thoughts hiding

there

one thought can trigger anything even a

subconscious thought

it may never rise to the surface of

one's

consciousness even so the first and most

important thing is

to not be attached to an experience when

it happens

enjoy it when it doesn't stay

focused on the practice and the way to

progress in meditation

is either you alternate between

different kinds of meditation

from breath you could go to sound

you could go to form you could go to

formless you could get into

contemplative meditation

one good way is to alternate between

different kinds of meditation

and to build your practice you increase

the duration

of your meditation or the length of each

session and sometimes you take a

complete break from your meditation

that rejuvenates the mind and then

you're able to do it

better the next time third when do you

know

it's time to move on when these

questions

arise in your mind it's time to move on

because you've hit a plateau and now

your brain

or your mind or your consciousness is

giving you the signal

look i'm done what's next and how do i

either what's next or how do i now get

to the

higher level even where i can be totally

immersed

in a constant or a near constant

state of bliss that's my answer

[Music]