The Best Personal Statements Begin with These 2 Sentences (Oxbridge Examples)
Summary
TLDRIn this educational video, Shane, a qualified doctor and neuroscience supervisor at Cambridge and Oxford, reveals a simple yet effective strategy for crafting personal statements that have helped students gain admission to top medical schools. He emphasizes the importance of a strong introduction, focusing on motivation and engagement, and provides examples of successful personal statement openings. Shane is developing a personal statement masterclass on Skillshare, offering a free trial and a complimentary personal statement guide. The video aims to guide viewers on setting the scene about the subject and the applicant's personal story, ultimately enhancing their application's impact.
Takeaways
- π Shane introduces himself as a recently qualified doctor and neuroscience supervisor at Cambridge and Oxford.
- π‘ Shane emphasizes the importance of simple yet powerful sentences in personal statements.
- π Shane is developing a personal statement masterclass on Skillshare, which will be available for free using a two-month trial.
- π― The introduction of a personal statement is crucial for grabbing attention and should focus on motivation and engagement.
- π Motivational sentences should explain why the subject is worth studying and demonstrate passion for it.
- π Engagement sentences should highlight personal experiences and activities related to the subject.
- π Examples provided show how students successfully used these strategies to get into top-ranking medical schools.
- π Shane breaks down the structure of effective introductions into two steps: setting the scene about the subject and setting the scene about oneself.
- βοΈ The examples show various ways to demonstrate motivation, such as discussing academic interest and personal opportunities.
- πΌ Engagement examples include volunteering experiences and work placements that inspired the students to pursue medicine.
Q & A
What is the main purpose of the video?
-The main purpose of the video is to demonstrate the effectiveness of two simple but powerful sentences in crafting a compelling personal statement for medical school applications.
Who is the speaker in the video?
-The speaker is Shane, a recently qualified doctor and neuroscience supervisor at Cambridge and Oxford University.
What is the significance of the introduction in a personal statement?
-The introduction is the most important part of a personal statement as it is the front-facing, attention-grabbing segment that sets the tone for the rest of the application.
What are the two main pillars of a strong personal statement introduction according to Shane?
-The two main pillars are motivation and engagement, which are used to set the scene about the subject and about the applicant.
What does 'setting the scene about the subject' mean in the context of the introduction?
-It means explaining the main reason for wanting to study the subject and defining why it is an important and worthwhile field of study.
Can you provide an example of a sentence that sets the scene about the subject?
-An example is: 'In medicine, I see a purposeful and versatile vocation, yet what I love most is its fusion of a scientific call with a philanthropic heart.'
What does 'setting the scene about you' entail in the introduction?
-It involves discussing personal experiences or activities that demonstrate engagement with the subject, such as volunteering or work experience.
How does the speaker suggest linking motivation and engagement in the introduction?
-The speaker suggests a two-step process where the first step sets the scene about the subject and the second step dives into personal engagement with the field.
What is the role of the 'creation story' in a personal statement introduction?
-The 'creation story' is a specific event or experience that inspired the applicant to pursue medicine, adding authenticity and a personal touch to the introduction.
How does the speaker recommend using the word 'love' in the introduction?
-The speaker recommends using the word 'love' to express passion for the subject, as seen in the example sentence provided.
What is the importance of showing projection in the introduction?
-Showing projection indicates that the applicant has deeply considered whether medicine is the right path for them, demonstrating a thoughtful and resolute decision.
How can the introduction be structured to flow well into the main body of the personal statement?
-The introduction should clearly outline motivation and engagement, setting up a coherent narrative that naturally leads into the work experience section or other relevant parts of the personal statement.
What is the significance of using passionate words throughout the introduction?
-Using passionate words helps to convey the applicant's enthusiasm and commitment to the subject, making the introduction more compelling and memorable.
What additional resources does the speaker offer to help with personal statement writing?
-The speaker offers a free personal statement guide and mentions a personal statement masterclass on Skillshare, available for free with a two-month trial.
Outlines
π Mastering the Art of Personal Statement Introductions
The paragraph introduces the video's focus on crafting compelling personal statement introductions for medical school applications. The speaker, Shane, a qualified doctor and neuroscience supervisor, emphasizes the importance of the introduction as the first impression of the applicant's passion and commitment. He reveals a two-sentence strategy that has proven successful for students admitted to top medical schools. Shane also mentions a personal statement masterclass he's developing on Skillshare, which will be available for free with a two-month trial. The key to a strong introduction is to establish motivation and engagement, setting the scene about the subject and the applicant's personal connection to it. Examples from successful applicants are provided to illustrate how they articulated their reasons for pursuing medicine and demonstrated their active involvement in the field.
π Crafting a Personal Statement with a Creation Story
This paragraph delves into the specifics of writing a personal statement introduction, highlighting the use of a 'creation story' to convey a genuine and specific inspiration for studying medicine. The speaker critiques common clichΓ©s and advises against vague storytelling, instead advocating for authentic and detailed examples that showcase both the applicant's motivation and engagement with the field. The paragraph provides examples of introductions that effectively combine the subject's significance, the applicant's academic interest, and personal qualities that make them suitable for a medical career. It also discusses the flexibility in structuring the introduction, allowing for variations that best convey the applicant's unique story and experiences.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Personal Statement
π‘Oxbridge
π‘Motivation
π‘Engagement
π‘Introduction
π‘Medical School
π‘Skillshare
π‘Volunteering
π‘Work Experience
π‘Creation Story
π‘Academic Interest
Highlights
Introduction is the most important part of a personal statement, serving as the attention-grabbing segment.
Best introductions have two main pillars: motivation and engagement.
Introduction should set the scene about the subject and the individual.
Step one is setting the scene about the subject, defining its importance and the main reason for studying it.
Example sentence: 'In medicine I see a purposeful and versatile vocation, yet what I love most is its fusion of a scientific call with a philanthropic heart.'
Step two is setting the scene about the individual, showcasing personal engagement with the subject.
Example of engagement: Volunteering on the Lifeline Express hospital train in Marina, India.
Engagement examples should link to personal motivation and inspiration to study medicine.
Introduction should outline both academic interest and personal opportunity gained from studying the subject.
Use of passionate words throughout the introduction can effectively convey motivation.
Work experience can increase appreciation of the demanding and fulfilling nature of a career.
Introduction should flow well into the main body, allowing for a coherent personal statement.
Creation story can be a powerful strategy in the introduction if done authentically and specifically.
Introduction can also focus on key qualities that make the individual suitable for the subject of study.
Different styles of structuring the introduction can be effective, depending on personal storytelling.
The choice of how to structure and word the introduction is up to the individual.
Full examples of past personal statements can provide further guidance on crafting an effective introduction.
Transcripts
yep you read that correctly just two
simple but powerful sentences
and none of them involved saying ever
since i was a child seriously
don't be that guy hey guys welcome back
to the channel my name's shane i'm a
recently qualified doctor neuroscience
supervisor at cambridge and oxford
university
and you probably don't believe me two
simple but powerful sentences
just screams fake news right well let me
show you these examples from students
who've gotten into oxbridge and other
top ranking medical schools
using this exact strategy the video
you're about to watch is a clip from a
personal statement masterclass
i'm developing over at skillshare and
i'm working super hard to bring it to
you as soon as possible it'll be
available for free using a two month
free trial the link for which you can
find in the description box below and
once you're at it you can also grab the
free personal statement guide that i've
released as well now the introduction
is arguably the most important part of
your personal statement
it's the front-facing attention-grabbing
segment so it makes perfect sense to put
the best efforts into this
after analyzing numerous personal
statements i worked out that the best
introductions
have two main pillars within them the
first is motivation
and the second is engagement and these
pillars should be used to do two
important things within the introduction
it almost creates a two-step process for
writing your introduction
step one involves setting the scene
about the subject and step two involves
setting the scene about you
so let's begin with this step one and
unpack it
so what we mean when we say setting the
scene about the subject
is essentially talking about the main
reason you want to do this subject and
essentially defining why it's
such an important subject that's worth
your time and worth studying here's an
example sentence pulled from an
introduction that does this perfectly
in medicine i see a purposeful and
versatile vocation
yet what i love most is its fusion of a
scientific call
with a philanthropic heart now this is a
beautifully written sentence
that clearly explains to the reader why
medicine is such a great subject
and it utilizes several pillars from our
framework including passion with the use
of words like love as well as
demonstrating some consideration into
what aspects of medicine is so great
so as we can see here the introduction
and often the first sentence
dives straight into the main reason why
someone wants to study it and that
serves to set the scene about the
subject
and defines its importance now let's
move on to step two and see what we
actually mean when we say
setting the scene about you essentially
this is talking about the pillar of
engagement the second part of your
introduction
should dive straight into something that
you've done to engage with medicine
here's an example of that
volunteering on the lifeline express a
hospital train in marina india
first inspired me to study medicine now
this is a great sentence because it
shows their engagement with medicine
straight away because it talks about
their volunteering and
also alludes to their motivation and
their inspiration to study medicine
here's another example of this
last year my work experience at dao
university hospital in karachi was one
of the most interesting yet exhausting
experiences of my life
and although it was both emotionally and
physically demanding it instilled in me
a resolute desire to study and practice
medicine now this is a fantastic
sentence that shows engagement with
medicine at its core
because it's talking about the
volunteering they've done but it also
links it to some degree of projection
where they've considered deeply whether
medicine is right for them
okay so this was raham's introduction a
distressing fact of life is that most
people remain somewhat unaware of their
body
until it malfunctions taking its
intricate complexity for granted
beat managing heart failure or a
neurodegenerative condition
a doctor's vocation is unique and
constantly changing due to medical
advances
work experience has increased my
appreciation of this demanding and
fulfilling career and my desire to both
be part of and hopefully further the
advancement of such a dynamic profession
and to have a beneficial impact on the
community this introduction perfectly
follows the structure we've met in
previous lessons in that it sets the
scene about the subject
and talks about why it's such a great
subject to study then it goes on to talk
about engagement and the work experience
is undertaken it clearly outlines both
aspects of motivation
talking about the academic interest as
well as the personal opportunity he gets
from studying it
so this perfectly executes the
motivation pillar this is a great
example of an introduction
and notice how he's used passionate
words throughout
so here's the introduction working with
people from different disciplines in
various health and social care settings
has developed my interest
in both the clinical and academic
aspects of medicine
being a keen scientist with an
interesting people i look forward to the
professional and personal satisfaction
that a career in medicine can offer
these sentences nicely follow the
motivation engagement structure we've
been suggesting for the introduction
suzanne mentions clearly that he hopes
to gain satisfaction
from medicine which serves as his
motivation and he also speaks about the
academic interest in medicine
which is another important part of the
motivation pillar suzanne also
introduces his work experience therefore
talking about engagement
and this sets him up quite nicely for
the next part which is the work
experience section of the main body
this helps him flow very well from one
section to the next
and allows him to tell a nice story and
allows his personal statement to be very
coherent
so here's the introduction volunteering
on the lifeline express
a hospital train in marina india first
inspired me to study medicine the team
on the train
worked voluntarily in unfamiliar
conditions the smile on the man's face
when his perforated eardrum was repaired
spoke a thousand words medicine will
allow me to study the intricacies of the
human body with the opportunity for
problem solving in a caring
compassionate environment the decision
was reinforced through experiences
gained in hospital placements and my
voluntary work now this is a great
demonstration of the introduction
structure we've come across before that
is to set the scene about the subject
and talk about your motivations
including your academic interest
and the personal opportunity you hope to
gain from studying medicine and he also
talks about the engagement
talking about things like work
experience however a new thing that
actually is used
is something called the creation story
that's essentially to talk about
something that inspired you to actually
pursue medicine often this is done very
vaguely in an almost cliche manner and
as a result
people often advise to stay away from
creation stories but what akshay has
done is perfect
he's taken a very specific example and
explained why that made him so inspired
to study medicine and at the same time
this creation story allows him to talk
about his volunteering
and his engagement with medicine so not
only is actually his creation story
authentic
and genuine but it also allows him to
talk about his engagement with medicine
and how he's gone out of his way to
learn more about it
this therefore is a brilliantly executed
example of an introduction
that utilizes several of the
conventional things we've come across
before but also uses a very powerful
strategy of the creation story
so here's the introduction an appetite
for scientific knowledge hard work and
altruistic outlook are essential
characteristics of doctors and aspects
of my character that have drawn me to
study medicine i'm thrilled by the
prospect of exploring the causes and
treatment for diseases that affect
individuals and the opportunities to
contribute whenever possible to
improving their quality of life now this
introduction quite nicely talks about
the motivations behind studying medicine
discussing both the academic interests
and the personal opportunity now if ori
was sticking to the structure that we've
met in previous lessons he should have
gone on to talk about some work
experience
or some volunteering to show his
engagement with medicine but instead ori
has chosen to talk about his suitability
and introduce some of his key qualities
so actually this is a great example of a
different style of structuring your
introduction where you essentially set
the scene about the subject and your
motivations
and then you go on to talk about the key
qualities that you have that makes you
ideal and suitable for medicine like
we've said before
ultimately the choice of how to
structure things and how to word things
is yours so feel free to change things
around to whatever order that allows you
to tell the
best story so to summarize your
introduction should heavily borrow from
motivation and engagement
the first part should set the scene
about the subject and define why you
want to study it
and what's so great about it and the
second section need to dive straight
into engagement and talk about the steps
that you've done
to get involved with medicine now if
you'd like full examples of past
personal statements from students who've
gone into oxford and other top ranking
universities
then definitely check out these videos
thanks for watching that's it from me
for today and i'll see you guys next
time
[Music]
Browse More Related Video
THE BEST PERSONAL STATEMENT I'VE EVER READ (Cambridge University Example)
The Personal Statement That Got Me Into EVERY IVY LEAGUE
How I wrote 1st class essays at Cambridge University (how to write the best essay)
HOW TO WRITE YOUR GRADUATE SCHOOL APPLICATION STATEMENT OF PURPOSE | THE FIVE PARAGRAPH S.O.P.
How to write the Perfect PT school Personal Statement
What is a Thesis Statement? Thesis Statements for Essays
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)