Lessons on Self Confidence from a Teenager | Reece Doppenberg | TEDxYouth@Langley

Summary

In this inspiring speech, a 17-year-old speaker shares their journey of developing self-confidence despite a challenging upbringing marked by family strife and loss. They outline five key steps to building self-confidence: finding oneself, not caring about others' opinions, understanding that one's story doesn't define them, surrounding oneself with encouragement, and self-assessing one's attitude. The speaker emphasizes the importance of believing in oneself, speaking positivity, and maintaining humility to truly embrace self-confidence, which can unlock opportunities, happiness, and success.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-confidence, even for teenagers who often struggle with it.
• 👨‍👧‍👦 The speaker shares a personal story of family strife and overcoming adversity, using it as a backdrop to discuss self-confidence.
• 🧠 The speaker's stepdad's battle with inoperable brain cancer and eventual passing serves as a poignant example of personal challenges.
• 🎭 The realization at the age of 14 led to a pivotal moment in developing self-confidence, separate from seeking validation from others.
• 🔍 The first step to self-confidence is self-discovery, understanding one's likes, dislikes, passions, and talents.
• 🎤 The speaker discovered their talent through participating in a school musical, which boosted their confidence.
• 🚫 Establishing personal boundaries and staying true to oneself is crucial for building self-confidence.
• 👥 It's essential not to care about others' opinions to a degree that it hampers one's self-confidence.
• 🎨 The speaker criticizes beauty magazines for promoting unrealistic standards, advising that one's story does not define them.
• 🌟 Surrounding oneself with positive influences and encouragement is vital for nurturing self-confidence.
• 🤔 Self-assessment of one's attitude and the impact of negative thoughts, including unforgiveness, is necessary for personal growth.
• 💪 Believing in oneself and one's capabilities is a fundamental aspect of self-confidence.
• 🌱 The speaker encourages humility, noting that self-confidence should not be based on others' opinions but on self-assurance.
• 🚀 The final takeaway is that self-confidence can unlock opportunities, happiness, and success, and it's a quality worth striving for.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the speaker's talk?

The main topic of the speaker's talk is the development of self-confidence, particularly during teenage years and amidst personal challenges.

What obstacles did the speaker face during their childhood?

The speaker faced a tumultuous home environment with frequent parental fights, divorce, and remarriage. They also had to deal with issues related to drugs and other problems within their family.

How did the speaker's stepdad's health condition impact their life?

The speaker's stepdad was diagnosed with stage four inoperable brain cancer, which led to his death 10 years after his wedding to the speaker's mother. This event was a significant part of the speaker's life story and influenced their journey towards self-confidence.

What was the speaker's realization at the age of 14?

At the age of 14, the speaker had an epiphany about the obstacles they had created for themselves and recognized the need to change, which was a turning point in their journey towards self-confidence.

What are the five steps the speaker took to develop self-confidence?

The five steps the speaker took to develop self-confidence are: 1) Finding oneself, 2) Not caring what other people think, 3) Knowing that one's story doesn't define them, 4) Surrounding oneself with encouragement, and 5) Being humble.

Why is it important to find oneself according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, finding oneself is important because it is a critical aspect in developing any sort of confidence. Knowing who you truly are allows you to play place confidence in yourself.

What does the speaker suggest about the influence of beauty and fitness magazines?

The speaker suggests that beauty and fitness magazines often use unrealistic images and promote a false standard of beauty, which can negatively affect self-confidence by making people feel worse about themselves.

How does the speaker define beauty in the context of self-confidence?

The speaker defines beauty as going beyond physical appearance, stating that it encompasses more than just looks and should not be judged solely on superficial aspects.

What role do the people around us play in our self-confidence according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, the people around us play a significant role in our self-confidence. They can either create an environment where we feel good about ourselves or contribute to our insecurities.

Why is it important to self-assess one's attitude according to the speaker?

It is important to self-assess one's attitude because one's attitude can be a significant obstacle to self-confidence. The speaker emphasizes that we are the captains of our own ship and determine the direction our life takes.

What is the speaker's final advice on achieving self-confidence?

The speaker's final advice is to continually strive to be humble, as self-confidence that is rooted in other people's opinions and beliefs is less genuine and can lead to insecurity.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Overcoming Adversity to Build Self-Confidence

The speaker, a 17-year-old, shares their personal story of growing up in a troubled family, witnessing their parents' divorce, and dealing with the death of their stepfather to stage four brain cancer. Despite these challenges, they discuss their journey to develop self-confidence as a teenager. They emphasize the importance of finding oneself, understanding personal likes and dislikes, passions, and talents. The speaker's experience in a school musical, where they landed a lead role, served as a turning point in building their confidence. They also stress the need for self-respect and setting personal boundaries, using a humorous anecdote about sneaking out to a party and getting caught to illustrate the importance of staying true to oneself.

05:01

🤔 The Illusion of Public Opinion and Self-Confidence

This paragraph delves into the concept of not caring about others' opinions as a critical step towards self-confidence. The speaker uses the metaphor of a race to illustrate the futility of being swayed by the comments of onlookers. They challenge the audience to consider how often we perceive others' thoughts about us rather than focusing on our own goals. The speaker also addresses the misleading nature of beauty magazines, which promote unrealistic standards and are more akin to product catalogs than sources of empowerment. They argue that societal beauty standards are shallow and unattainable, and that true beauty extends far beyond physical appearance. The speaker encourages the audience to surround themselves with positive influences and to assess their relationships for their impact on self-confidence.

10:01

💪 Cultivating Self-Belief and Humility for Genuine Confidence

The final paragraph focuses on the importance of self-belief and the power of one's attitude in shaping one's life. The speaker encourages the audience to assess their own attitudes and to let go of negative thoughts and unforgiveness that may be holding them back. They stress the importance of believing in oneself and the ability to achieve whatever one sets their mind to. The speaker also emphasizes the need to create an environment where friends can feel confident and to speak positivity into others' lives. They conclude by discussing the importance of humility, warning against the pitfalls of pride and the insecurities that come with seeking validation from others. The speaker shares their belief that self-confidence can lead to more opportunities, happiness, and success, and they invite the audience to take the steps they've outlined to make self-confidence a reality.

Keywords

💡Self-confidence

Self-confidence refers to a person's belief in their own abilities and worth. It is a foundational aspect of the video's theme, as the speaker discusses their journey to develop self-confidence despite personal challenges. The speaker's story illustrates how they built self-confidence by overcoming insecurities and finding their talents, which is a central message of empowerment and self-improvement.

💡Insecurities

Insecurities are feelings of self-doubt and uncertainty about one's own worth or abilities. In the video, the speaker mentions being a 'very closed off individual with a lot of insecurities,' which highlights the struggle many face, especially during adolescence. These insecurities are portrayed as obstacles that the speaker had to overcome to build self-confidence.

💡Obstacles

Obstacles are hindrances or challenges that impede progress. The video script discusses various personal obstacles the speaker faced, such as a troubled family environment and the death of their stepfather. These obstacles are contrasted with the development of self-confidence, emphasizing the resilience and determination required to overcome life's difficulties.

💡Strife

Strife denotes discord or conflict, often within a group or family. The speaker describes 'a lot of strife in my home' and 'between my parents,' which sets the stage for the challenging upbringing that influenced their journey towards self-confidence. Strife is a recurring theme that underscores the adversity the speaker had to navigate.

💡Epiphany

An epiphany is a sudden, intuitive realization or understanding of something. The speaker had an 'epiphany of the obstacle I had created in front of me and how I could change it,' marking a turning point in their personal development. This concept is key to the narrative as it signifies the moment of self-realization that led to the development of self-confidence.

💡Talents

Talents are natural abilities or skills that a person possesses. The video emphasizes the importance of discovering one's talents as part of building self-confidence. The speaker found their talent in acting during a school musical, which served as a catalyst for their self-assurance and a realization of their capabilities.

💡Self-respect

Self-respect is the regard one has for oneself and the value one places on one's own worth. The speaker advises developing self-respect and not being too harsh on oneself. This concept is integral to the video's message, as it suggests that a healthy self-esteem is crucial for building genuine self-confidence.

💡Unrealistic standards

Unrealistic standards refer to expectations or ideals that are not attainable or reasonable. The video criticizes beauty magazines for promoting such standards, which can lead to self-doubt and negative self-perception. The speaker argues against comparing oneself to these unrealistic portrayals, advocating for a more authentic understanding of beauty and self-worth.

💡Encouragement

Encouragement is the act of giving support, confidence, or hope to someone. The video script highlights the importance of surrounding oneself with encouragement and positivity. The speaker suggests that the people one associates with can significantly influence their self-confidence, emphasizing the power of a supportive environment.

💡Attitude

Attitude refers to a person's disposition or outlook toward life. The speaker discusses the need for self-assessment of one's attitude, as it can either empower or hinder the development of self-confidence. The video encourages viewers to evaluate their mindset and to let go of negative thoughts and unforgiveness, which can act as chains holding them back.

💡Humble

Humbleness is the quality of having a modest or low view of one's own importance. The video concludes with the importance of being humble, suggesting that true self-confidence is not about arrogance but about having a grounded sense of self. The speaker warns against the pitfalls of pride and emphasizes the value of maintaining humility.

Highlights

The speaker, a 17-year-old, discusses the development of self-confidence despite being a teenager and the obstacles faced.

The speaker was born into a Canadian home with two adopted brothers and experienced a lot of strife in their early childhood years.

The speaker's parents divorced when they were 4 years old, and both remarried, but the family strife continued.

The speaker's stepdad was diagnosed with stage four inoperable brain cancer and passed away 10 years after their wedding.

The speaker shares their story not for pity but to illustrate how they developed self-confidence amidst life's challenges.

The speaker was insecure during middle school and obsessed with popularity and likeability.

At 14, the speaker had an epiphany about the obstacles they created and how to change them.

The speaker outlines five steps they took to develop self-confidence.

The first step to confidence is finding oneself and understanding personal likes, dislikes, passions, and talents.

The speaker found their talents through participating in a school musical, which boosted their confidence.

Staying true to oneself and establishing personal boundaries is crucial for self-confidence.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of not caring about what others think, with a balanced approach.

The speaker points out that societal beauty standards are unrealistic and unattainable.

Surrounding oneself with encouragement and positive influences is key to building self-confidence.

Self-assessment of one's attitude is necessary to overcome personal obstacles and regrets.

Believing in oneself and one's abilities is essential for achieving goals and success.

The speaker encourages creating an environment where friends can feel confident and supported.

Humbleness is highlighted as an important aspect of maintaining self-confidence.

Self-confidence can open up opportunities, happiness, and success more than any other personality aspect.

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of self-confidence in overcoming societal pressures and personal insecurities.

Transcripts

[Applause]

so I'm 17 years old and what I want to

talk to you guys about today is the idea

of self-confidence and now you might be

thinking wait hold on a second teenagers

aren't supposed to have that and you're

right many of us don't even adults but

what I want to share with you today is

how I develop self-confidence in the

midst of being a teenager and the

obstacles I overcame but first I want to

share with you my story I was born into

a Canadian home with two adopted

brothers and both my parents in my early

childhood years there's a lot of strife

in my home and between my parents they

often fought against each other and

ended up getting divorced when I was 4

years

old uh both my parents got remarried

after this time but as my older brothers

and my baby sister and myself grew up

there's still a lot of strife in our

house my brothers often fought with my

mother there's a lot of issues between

drugs drug dealing and other problems

with throughout their school I became a

very closed off individual with a lot of

insecurities 10 years after my mom and

stepdad's wedding my stepdad was

diagnosed with st stage four inoperable

brain cancer he had two tumors the size

of fists in his head and the radiation

treatment suggested by the doctors posed

a major risk of further brain damage my

stepdad Greg ended up passing away this

last January 6 months after his

diagnosis so why do I share with you my

story and what has it got to do with

self-confidence well know that I don't

tell you my story as a means of a pity

party I don't need that it's simply my

story what I want to share with you is

how I developed self-confidence in the

midst of my life and through my

turmoil it was in Middle School when I

was the most insecure of myself and just

my image consumed me I was obsessed with

my popularity and likeability I was

determined to build up my confidence off

of what other people thought of me the

irony in it was was that it was

completely false but when I was 14 I had

an epiphany of the obstacle I had

created in front of me and how I could

change it and that's what I want to

share with you today the five steps I

took to develop

self-confidence so what does it look

like to be confident well

first find

yourself and this looks differently for

a lot of different people but it's a

critical aspect in developing any sort

of confidence for yourself after all how

can you play place confidence in you if

you don't know who you truly are so

spend time alone and thought figure out

what it is that you like and dislike

like what is it that you're passionate

about what do you want to do and

discover your talents and yes you have

talents don't say that you don't you

simply need to find them if you haven't

done that already and this looks

differently for different people for

myself I found my talents in the midst

of our school's musical it was The

Wizard of Oz I was super hesitant of

trying out for it at first but I ended

up auditioning and landed one of the

lead roles as Tin Man then I went and

sang and danced on a stage and he was

super manly but the thing that it did

was it planted a seat of confidence in

me that showed me that I was good at

something and that I could do

something you need to find yourself as

well because you need to stay true to

yourself figure out what it is that you

will accept as right and wrong and

establish the barriers around you of

what you will do and what you won't do I

remember sneaking out to a party when I

was younger and uh this is one of those

parties that you don't really want your

parents to find out hi Mom and

because there's a ton of drugs and

alcohol there that I really could have

gotten involved with and I didn't

possess the self-confidence that I

needed to establish the barriers around

me of what I would and wouldn't do and

now I never got involved with anything

there well I actually got busted for it

at like 11:00 at night walking down the

street with my mom pulling over in a

minivan and laying down on the horn in

front of me and a big group of people

and it was super embarrassing but the

point is that you need to stay true to

yourself so

above all this though develop a

self-respect for you and don't be so

harsh on yourself of the expectations

that you lie out in front of you so what

next

well don't care what other people think

of you this is by far one of the hardest

aspects to actually fulfill and now note

that this this isn't apathy this isn't

the same as not having any regards for

anyone's thoughts I'm also not saying

that you should go out in public with

without any clothes on cuz you really

don't care what people think of you but

because there's always a balance and a

certain quality as to how much we think

or care about what other people think of

us but there is a balance so imagine if

you're running a race around a track

would you stop in the middle of that

track and in the middle of the race

because of what some person said about

you on the sidelines no because they're

not running your

race the funny thing is we often think

more about what other people are

thinking of us or what we perceive

others to think of us than what other

people are actually thinking of

us you need to know as well that your

story doesn't Define you my story

doesn't Define me my past is my past but

it does not determine my

future have you guys ever heard of

these so-called Beauty magazines like l

or uh men's fitness Women's World

women's fitness cosmopolitan

the funny thing about these magazines is

that they're much less Beauty magazines

and a lot more like product

catalogs so if you take a look at this

picture this is an L magazine where the

top is the regular magazine and the

bottom is the same Magazine with all the

ads taken out of it this is another

picture with a Cosmopolitan

magazine and what these magazines do is

they intentionally get you to feel worse

about yourself so that you will buy

their products and it's how they make

their money

the damaging aspect of this is that

these magazines are chocked full of

images with unrealistic body sizes their

models are deled with professional

makeup and all their pictures are

photoshopped there's even been some

magazines to have been admitting to

using computer generated

images now why would that be a standard

we would want to compare ourselves

to um can I be real with you guys for a

sec can I just like talk real you're

beautiful

and I mean that I don't mean that in the

cheesy motivational speaker way where

I'm up here and like oh you're beautiful

you need to feel better about yourself

but you are beautiful whether you feel

it or not and the truth is that you're

not beautiful in the eyes of

society and barely anyone is because

Society standards are unrealistic and

often

unattainable see Society judges Beauty

on the shallowest aspect of what beauty

encompasses where it almost solely

focuses on on good looks which in itself

is so

unvaluable because if you think about it

looks and appearances are fading

features for all us humans as we age and

you need to know that your beauty goes

beyond the roundness of your face or the

clearness of your skin or your body size

or the muscles that you have it simply

makes up the shallowest aspect of your

beauty so what next well surround

yourself with encouragement

you need to know that everything you

surround yourself with is a possible

influence to you

everything so assess your friends your

co-workers your boyfriend your

girlfriend your spouse are the people

around you creating an environment where

you can feel confident and good about

yourself do the people around you speak

positivity into your life and should you

be associating yourself with those

people no matter how you answered any of

those difficult questions know this

that whoever you surround yourself with

is who you will

become and you know I had to ask these

same questions when I was developing

self-confidence these same difficult

questions about the friends that I had

and it's difficult but there is power in

the tongue to speak life or to speak

death but it's your choice of what you

listen

to so the next thing self assess your

attitude you will always always be your

greatest

obstacle you always will you are the

captain of your ship and you determine

which direction your life is

headed and I think back of who I was and

what I did and the opportunities that I

threw out the window while I was

insecure and the obstacles that I

willingly placed in front of me and I

had to assess my attitude and the

regrets that I had and had to pull off

the chains that I had hanging around my

neck so evalu evaluate yourself

what negative thoughts do you have of

yourself and especially of others see

this comes in many different ways but

often it can come in the form of

unforgiveness and the funny thing about

unforgiveness is

this your unforgiveness will burden you

more than it burdens the person who

you're not willing to

forgive so what chains do you have

attached around your ankles that you're

not willing to let go

of you also need to believe in yourself

wait hold on let me say it again you

need to believe in

yourself you have the power to do

whatever it is that you set your mind to

and it is only you who can determine the

path that your life will

take and finally ask yourself this

question are you creating an environment

where your friends can feel confident

and good about themselves are you

speaking positivity and life into other

people's lives after all encouragement

breeds

encouragement again there is power in

the tongue to speak life or to speak

death what do you choose to

speak and the last point is be

humble and this is a step which is to

not be forgotten it's also the step

which is extremely difficult to maintain

something that I struggle with all the

time where I have to continually strive

to humble

myself but what it really comes down to

is

this self-confidence that is rooted in

other people's opinions and beliefs

is much less

self-confidence and more

insecurity and you're right back to

where you started and believe me I know

Pride always comes before a

fall so what's the point why why try and

follow these five steps well what I

found is that self-confidence is the

single most impactful quality that can

open up more

opportunities more happiness and more

successes

than any other personality aspect in

life and the way that I found

self-confidence for myself was by

finding myself I stopped caring what

other people thought of me I surrounded

myself with encouragement self assessed

my attitude and continually strive to be

humble but if there's anything that I

want you to take away from this today

it's

this the crippling pressures that we

face in our society on a daily basis

leave us in a state of stress and

unacceptance where we can no longer

appreciate see or believe the capability

in

ourselves there's no magic button to

confidence and even I can't guarantee

that the steps that I've described here

can undoubtedly bring you

self-confidence but they can sure help

if you choose to utilize

them now imagine this you're ready

you're prepared you are skilled and you

have endurance your greatest fears are

behind you and your challeng es ahead

are

ambitious there's one thing that's

different you are no longer your

greatest obstacle but rather your

greatest

asset now go make that a

reality thank you