Robert A. Belle: The emotions behind your money habits | TED

Summary

This script narrates an accountant's journey in discovering the deeper stories behind numbers. The speaker uses personal anecdotes and client experiences to illustrate how analyzing spending habits can reveal emotional patterns and life insights. By tracking expenses, individuals can confront denials, uncover biases, and address fears, leading to personal growth and improved life decisions. The speaker suggests practical steps for auditing one's financial behavior, emphasizing the potential for self-discovery and positive change.

Takeaways

• 🧐 The speaker is an accountant who values the deeper stories behind numbers and seeks to use accounting to help people improve their lives.
• 🍫 The speaker's personal realization of a chocolate spending habit led to a significant lifestyle change, losing 50 pounds by addressing their emotional eating.
• 💰 The speaker believes that our relationship with money reflects our relationship with life and that analyzing spending can reveal emotional patterns.
• 📊 By tracking and analyzing expenses, the speaker has helped clients uncover hidden financial behaviors and address underlying emotional issues.
• 👗 One client discovered an impulse spending problem on clothing, which was tied to a need for validation and success, leading to savings and personal growth.
• 🎵 Another client, a musician, found a connection between her fear of financial loss and her fear of commitment in relationships, leading to personal insights and changes.
• 📈 The speaker suggests that everyone can benefit from a financial audit of their behavior to learn about themselves and make positive changes.
• 🔍 To start this process, one should categorize expenses from their bank statement to identify patterns.
• 🤔 When a spending pattern emerges, it's important to be curious and ask what led to those choices to uncover deeper meanings.
• 😲 Observing surprising expenses can reveal hidden biases, fears, and motivations that are shaping our financial behavior.
• 💡 The act of tracking finances can be uncomfortable but is a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal development.

Q & A

What is the main concern of the accountant in the script?

The main concern of the accountant is not just reporting numbers but understanding the full story behind those numbers, including the emotional and personal aspects that can't be conveyed by numbers alone.

How did the accountant's personal experience with chocolate spending lead to a change in their life?

The accountant discovered that they were spending around $50 a month on chocolate, especially during months of high stress or joy. This realization helped them understand their emotional pattern of bingeing on chocolate and motivated them to focus on developing a healthier diet, resulting in a 50-pound weight loss.

What was the critical care nurse's initial belief about her personal budget?

The critical care nurse initially believed that her personal budget was reasonable and her expenses were justifiable. She thought her inability to save was due to a gap in her financial knowledge.

What was the surprising discovery the critical care nurse made after tracking her expenses?

After tracking her expenses, the critical care nurse discovered that most of her spending was on expensive clothing and shoes, which she realized were impulsive purchases aimed at impressing others and boosting her confidence.

How did the critical care nurse change her behavior after understanding her spending patterns?

The critical care nurse set a goal for herself and her finances, reducing her spending on shopping and choosing to exercise when she felt the urge to shop, which led to her saving a significant amount of money.

What was the marketing strategist and musician's initial fear regarding her finances?

The marketing strategist and musician was initially afraid of facing how much money she was about to lose after taxes and was fearful of the impact this would have on her life.

How did the accountant help the musician connect her financial fears to her personal life?

The accountant helped the musician notice a connection between her fear of losing money and her fear of losing relationships. This realization led to her understanding that she had an avoidance strategy around both her finances and her relationships.

What was the musician's outcome after consistently tracking her finances for six years?

After six years of consistently tracking her finances, the musician developed less fear of loss, grew more open to relationships, and even gained the courage to walk away from relationships that were not serving her.

What is the accountant's belief about the relationship between our financial behavior and our life?

The accountant believes that our relationship with money represents our relationship with life and that by auditing our financial behavior, we can learn surprising things about ourselves.

What are the three steps the accountant suggests to audit one's own financial behavior?

The three steps suggested are: 1) Review your bank statement for the last six months and categorize expenses by type; 2) Analyze any emerging patterns and ask yourself what they say about you; 3) Observe any surprising line items and consider what patterns they reveal about your behavior and motivations.

What is the potential payoff of tracking and analyzing one's financial behavior according to the accountant?

The potential payoff of tracking and analyzing one's financial behavior can be huge, as it can reveal deep emotional truths that can help re-evaluate careers, relationships, and priorities.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 The Accountant's Personal Insight Through Chocolate Spending

The speaker, an accountant, reveals a personal journey of self-discovery through analyzing their own spending habits. Initially denying an obsession with chocolate, they use their professional skills to track their expenditures and uncover a monthly spending of $50 on chocolate, particularly during times of stress or joy. This realization leads to an understanding of an emotional pattern of binge eating chocolate as a coping mechanism. The speaker had been struggling with weight and believed exercise was the key, but after recognizing the impact of their diet, they shifted focus to developing healthier eating habits, resulting in a significant weight loss. This personal experience inspires the speaker to help clients uncover their own emotional patterns through financial tracking.

05:01

📊 Unveiling Life's Patterns Through Financial Tracking

The speaker extends their personal revelation to a professional context, sharing how they assist clients in identifying emotional patterns through financial tracking. A critical care nurse, initially confident in her budgeting, is shown to have a hidden spending pattern on clothing and shoes, which she uses as a means to impress others and boost her confidence. Upon recognizing this, she changes her behavior, saves money, and feels happier. Another client, a marketing strategist and musician, connects her fear of financial loss with her fear of commitment in relationships, revealing an avoidance strategy in both areas. Over six years, by consistently tracking her finances, she overcomes her fear of loss and becomes more open to relationships. The speaker suggests that everyone can benefit from auditing their financial behavior, as it can reveal denials, biases, fears, and potential areas for personal growth. They provide a three-step guide to analyzing personal finances: reviewing bank statements, identifying and questioning spending patterns, and observing surprising expenses to understand deeper emotional truths.

Keywords

💡Accountant

An accountant is a professional who manages or records financial transactions, ensuring they are accurate and compliant with regulations. In the video's context, the speaker is an accountant who uses their expertise not only to report financial data but also to uncover deeper stories and patterns behind the numbers, which can help individuals understand and improve their lives.

💡Numbers

In the script, 'numbers' refer to numerical data, particularly financial data, which the speaker, an accountant, is adept at handling. The speaker emphasizes the importance of looking beyond mere numbers to understand the full story they represent, such as emotional patterns and life choices.

💡Storytelling

Storytelling in this context is the act of conveying experiences, events, or narratives that provide deeper insights into a situation. The speaker uses their accounting skills to 'tell stories' about people's lives through their financial behaviors, which can reveal underlying issues and patterns.

💡Chocolate Obsession

The term 'chocolate obsession' is used in the script to illustrate the speaker's personal revelation about their emotional eating habits. It serves as a metaphor for how tracking expenses can uncover hidden patterns and behaviors that affect one's life, such as emotional eating leading to weight issues.

💡Emotional Patterns

Emotional patterns refer to behaviors or habits that are triggered by emotions. In the script, the speaker identifies their emotional pattern of bingeing on chocolate during times of stress or joy. This concept is central to the video's theme, as it shows how analyzing financial behavior can reveal emotional triggers.

💡Denial

Denial is a psychological defense mechanism where a person refuses to accept a certain reality or truth about themselves. The speaker uses their own experience with chocolate consumption as an example of denial, where they were unaware of their excessive spending and emotional eating.

💡Financial Behavior

Financial behavior encompasses the actions and habits a person exhibits in managing their money. The video emphasizes the importance of auditing one's financial behavior to understand deeper emotional and psychological aspects of their life, as demonstrated through the speaker's and clients' stories.

💡Expense Tracking

Expense tracking is the process of monitoring and recording all expenditures. In the script, the speaker uses expense tracking as a tool to help both themselves and their clients uncover emotional patterns and hidden biases that affect their financial and personal lives.

💡Impulsive Purchases

Impulsive purchases are unplanned buying decisions made in the moment without forethought. The script mentions a client who made impulsive purchases of clothing and shoes, which were later realized to be attempts to boost confidence and impress others.

💡Fear of Loss

Fear of loss is an emotional state characterized by the dread of losing something valuable, such as relationships or money. The video uses this concept to explain how one client's fear of losing money was connected to their fear of losing relationships, affecting both their financial and emotional well-being.

💡Self-Audit

A self-audit in the context of the video refers to the process of self-reflection and analysis of one's financial behavior to gain insights into personal habits and emotional responses. The speaker encourages viewers to conduct a self-audit by tracking and categorizing their expenses to learn more about themselves.

Highlights

Accountant's concern for the full story behind numbers.

Dedication to using accounting to tell human stories.

Personal realization of a hidden chocolate obsession.

Tracking spending led to understanding emotional eating patterns.

The impact of recognizing and addressing dietary habits.

The idea that our relationship with money reflects life.

Helping clients uncover hidden emotional patterns through expense tracking.

Case study of a critical care nurse's spending on fashion.

The nurse's realization of her impulsive purchases and their emotional triggers.

Saving money and improving life by addressing the root causes of spending.

Another client's fear of financial loss mirroring fear of relationship loss.

The connection between financial behavior and emotional avoidance.

Personal growth through confronting financial fears and emotional patterns.

The value of financial tracking for self-awareness and life progression.

Practical steps for auditing personal financial behavior.

Analyzing bank statements to categorize and understand spending.

The importance of curiosity when identifying spending patterns.

Observing surprising line items to uncover deeper insights.

The potential for financial tracking to reveal denial, biases, and fears.

Encouragement to examine financial behavior for personal growth.

Transcripts

I am an accountant with a numbers problem.

I mean, I'm good with numbers and using them to report what's happening,

but I'm also concerned with the full story behind those numbers,

the part that gets lost in translation,

the part that numbers can't quite tell,

the story that goes deeper

than mere strategies for saving and earning money.

And without that story, I don't think I'm doing my job well.

That's why I've dedicated my career

to figuring out how my work as an accountant

can tell stories about people,

stories that will ultimately help them improve their lives.

Let me explain.

It all started when someone told me, "You're obsessed with chocolate."

And I was like, "What? No, I'm not."

But then I wondered, could I be in denial about my own obsession?

Was I actually spending a lot of money on chocolate but blind to it?

Well, here was a chance for me to test this theory.

Using my accountant lens,

off I went tracking my spending on chocolate --

and there it was,

my love for chocolate.

I was spending about 50 dollars a month on chocolate,

especially in months when I was overstressed

and months when I was overjoyed.

Analyzing my expenses helped me to understand

that I had an emotional pattern where when I'm struggling or celebrating,

I binge on chocolate.

I had struggled with my weight for a very long time

and I was convinced that my diet was not the problem.

I was convinced that it was my lack of effort in exercise,

and certainly not chocolate.

Tracking my spending on chocolate, though,

helped me realize that I was afraid of facing myself in the mirror,

literally and figuratively,

and that I lack the courage to deal with the real problem, my diet.

So I continued to exercise,

but devoted less time to it

and instead shifted my focus and energy towards developing a more healthful diet.

That year I lost 50 pounds.

Our relationship with money represents our relationship with life.

The accounting of my own chocolate behavior

told me the story of my own denial.

I realized that perhaps I could also help my clients

see what they were overlooking in their own lives

and help them realize their own emotional patterns

through their tracking and spending of their expenses.

So I started to pay close attention to the story behind my clients' expenses

that may be hidden to them.

One of my clients, a critical care nurse,

was convinced that her personal budget was reasonable

and expenses justifiable.

She had struggled to build up her savings

and I noticed that she had minimal records of her expenses.

I suggested to her that her lack of savings

could be due to more than just a gap in her financial knowledge

and offered to help identify the problem.

I encouraged her to start tracking and charting her expenses.

After a few months, her financial records revealed

that most of her spending was on expensive clothing and shoes.

As we sat together, she was genuinely surprised

to see just how much of her budget was going towards fashion.

She remarked, "Wow, these are impulsive purchases, aren't they?

I guess I didn't realize that."

She analyzed further and realized that she was buying clothes

in an attempt to impress and appear successful to her friends.

And also when her confidence was low, buying clothes temporarily boosted it.

She told me that buying clothing was her attempt

to find meaning in life and feel valued.

She sighed, and she set a goal for herself and her finances.

Six months later, she called me to tell me she had saved a bunch of money

by reducing her spending on shopping

and instead choosing to exercise when she felt the urge to shop.

She's much happier around her friends.

Three years later, home ownership is on the horizon.

Sometimes, though,

charting expenses may not reveal something specific,

as a chocolate addiction or shopping problem,

but what it reveals can be just as valuable.

A marketing strategist and upcoming musician

needed help with her taxes.

When I met with her, I immediately took note of the fear in her face

as she looked through her records and expenses.

I checked in with her and she expressed to me

that some things in her life didn't quite seem to work out,

including her relationships.

She was afraid of facing how much money she was about to lose after taxes.

As we continued talking about her finances,

she started to notice a connection between her fear of losing money

and her fear of losing relationships.

She went on to tell me that she was afraid of committing to anyone

because she didn't want to get hurt.

She expressed that she had not been close to anyone in over seven years

because she feared failure.

And maybe she might have an avoidance strategy

around both her money and her relationships.

It's been six years since I first help her chart her finances,

and she's still consistently keeping up with her spreadsheet.

As she confronted her personal accounting

and grew her savings in advance of each tax season,

she developed less fear of loss and grew more open to relationships.

She tells me that she even has the courage

to walk away from a relationship when it's not serving her.

She recently told me,

"My spreadsheet is basically a story of my life's progression

and I can see it through the numbers.”

I believe we can all do this type of audit of our own financial behavior

and that we can learn surprising things about ourselves

through tracking and charting our expenses.

Here's how.

Number one, take a look at your bank statement

for the last six months

and categorize the expenses by type

for a more holistic view.

For example,

your spending on shopping versus transport versus entertainment.

Number two, when an expensive pattern emerges,

see what that pattern says about yourself.

Be curious and inquisitive.

At first, it may not be that obvious,

but asking yourself what led you to make that choice in a given moment

can provide some clues.

Do you buy pizza every Wednesday night

because that's when you're too tired to cook after a stressful weekly meeting?

Number three, observe if there are any line items

that you are shocked by in terms of value or volume

and see what patterns emerge.

For example, did you buy that new smartphone

just before a major function or event

so that your friends would notice?

Or do you tell yourself you only take taxis late at night,

but then realize that you’re taking way more taxis every month

than you thought?

Are you working late more than you thought?

There's so much that we can learn about ourselves

if we take the time to look.

And sometimes our money knows us better than we know ourselves.

Tracking our finances can reveal what we are in denial of,

our hidden biases,

our fears and what might be holding us back.

Though it can be difficult and uncomfortable

to take a good, hard look at our financial behavior,

it can reveal some deep emotional truths.

Some truths that can help us re-evaluate our careers,

our relationships and our priorities.

So give it a try. The payoff could be huge.

Thank you.