What men DON'T UNDERSTAND about FEMALE SELECTION: what being high-value does and does not get you
Summary
TLDRالدكتور أوريون ترابان يناقش في هذا النص موضوع الانتخاب الجنسي للنساء وتأثيره على العلاقات العاطفية. يتحدث عن الهيمنة العاطفية (هيبرغامي) التي تدفع النساء لاختيار الرجال الأعزاء والأكثر مكانة. يوضح الأخطاء المشتركة التي يقع فيها الرجال في فهم هذا المفهوم وتشدد على أن النجاح في تلبية هذه المعايير لا يضمن فرصة الxing. ينصح بفهم أن النجاح الشخصي يفيد الفرد نفسه أولاً وأن العلاقات العاطفية لا يمكن أن تكون فارغة من الجهد والمثابرة.
Takeaways
- 🚀 الوعي في موضوع الاختيار الجنسي للنساء يتزايد بشكل كبير بسبب الإنترنت، مما يوفر لجيلنا الفرصة الفريدة لفهم سلوكهم في الزواج والتعارف أكثر بوضوح.
- 📚 المعرفة المتاحة حول الاختيار الجنسي للنساء لم تكن متوفرة للرجال قبل عشر سنوات، وبعض هذه المعلومات قد تكون صعبة للابتعاد بها، لكنها مفيدة على المدى الطويل.
- 🔑 مفهوم الهيبرغامي (hypergamy) هو الرغبة في الزواج والتعارف مع الأفراد الذين يتمتعون بمواصفات مثل الطول والقوة والثراء والوضع الاجتماعي الأعلى، وهو الذي يؤثر على جميع جوانب الاختيار الجنسي للنساء.
- 💡 الهيبرغامي يؤدي إلى العديد من العواقب الثانوية الهامة، لذا من المهم فهم هذا المفهوم، رغم أن الرجال ي误解 هذا المفهوم بطرق مشتركة.
- 😔 الرجال يشعرون بالحيرة وعدم الأمل عندما يسمعون عن معايير الاختيار الجنسي للنساء، ويعتقدون أنهم لا يمكن أن يصلوا إلى الفئة العليا.
- 💪 بعض الرجال يشعرون بالحماس بعد معرفة حقيقة الهيبرغامي ويحاولون تحسين أنفسهم ليتناسبوا مع معايير الاختيار الجنسي للنساء.
- 🤔 الرجال يعتقدون بشكل خاطئ أن تلبية معايير الهيبرغامي سيؤدي مباشرة إلى الحصول على العلاقات الجنسية والعاطفية.
- 🚪 تلبية معايير الهيبرغامي هي شرط ضروري لكن ليس كافي لفرصة ال性的، وتحتاج الرجال إلى البدء من الصفر مع كل امرأة جديدة.
- 👥 النجاح في تلبية معايير الهيبرغامي لا يضمن فرصة ال性的، ولكل امرأة معايير شخصية خاصة قد تغير فرصة ال性的.
- 🚶♂️ المفاهيم الخاطئة حول الهيبرغامي تدفع الرجال عادةً للابتعاد عن النساء، وهو ما يبدو متزايدًا في المجتمع الحديثة.
Q & A
ما هي الفكرة الرئيسية التي تناقشها الدكتور أوريون تاربان في هذا النص؟
-الدكتور أوريون تاربان يناقش مفهوم الهيبرغامي التي تشير إلى الرغبة في الزواج أو التعارف مع الرجال الذين يتمتعون بمواصفات مثل الطول أو القوة أو الثراء أو المكانة العليا.
ما هي الأخطاء المشتركة التي يقع فيها الرجال في فهم مفهوم الهيبرغامي؟
-الرجال يفهمون الهيبرغامي بشكل خاطئ في طريقتين رئيستين: أو يشعرون بالحيرة ويتراجعون، أو يشعرون بالحماس ويحاولون "استغلال اللعبة" من خلال تحسين المواصفات التي تفضلها النساء.
لماذا يمكن أن تكون الفكرة الأساسية في النص مزعجة لبعض الرجال؟
-الفكرة الأساسية قد تكون مزعجة لأنها تشير إلى أن النساء تفضل الرجال الذين يتمتعون بمواصفات معينة، مما قد يشعر بعض الرجال بأنهم لا يتناسبون مع المعايير ويشعرون بالحيرة.
ما هي الفوائد التي يرى فيها الكاتب في الوعي الواسع بخصوص الهيبرغامي؟
-الكاتب يرى الفائدة في الوعي الواسع بخصوص الهيبرغامي في أنه يوفر لجيل الحالي فرصة فريدة من نوعها للتعرف على سلوك الزواج والتعارف للنساء بطريقة أكثر دقة من أي وقت مضى.
لماذا يعتقد البعض الرجال أنهم لا يمكنهم أن يدخلوا إلى الفئة العليا من الرجال؟
-يعتقد بعض الرجال ذلك بسبب الشعور بالحيرة وعدم الرضا بنفسهم، حيث يقارنون أنفسهم مع الفئة العليا من الرجال ويقتصرون على أنهم لم يصبحوا مثلهم في سن المدرسة أو الجامعة.
ماذا يقصد الكاتب عندما يتحدث عن العائد الذي يحصل عليه الرجال من محاولة تلبية معايير الهيبرغامي؟
-الكاتب يشير إلى أن العائد الذي يحصل عليه الرجال ليس بالضرورة الأمان أو الموارد المادية أو حتى العلاقات الجنسية، بل هو النمو والازدهار الذي يحصل عليه الشخص بنفسه كنتيجة لتحقيق تلك المعايير.
لماذا يرى البعض الرجال أن العلاقات الجنسية هي مكافأة لتحقيق معايير الهيبرغامي؟
-قد يعتقد بعض الرجال ذلك بسبب التصور الخاطئ الذي يعتقد أن العلاقات الجنسية هي مكافأة تلقائية لتحقيق معايير الهيبرغامي، مما يرجع إلى العقلية الحلوية الذكورية التي تعتقد أن السلوك X سيحل مشكلة Y.
ما هي الفكرة الرئيسية التي يحاول البعض الرجال تبنيها عند فهم أن ال嘿伯GAMEي تفضل الرجال الذين يتمتعون بالشكل الجيد والدخل العالي؟
-هؤلاء الرجال يحاولون "استغلال اللعبة" من خلال تحسين المواصفات التي يفضلها النساء، مثل الشكل الجميل والدخل العالي، معتقدين أن ذلك سيؤدي إلى مكافأةهم بعلاقات جنسية.
لماذا يمكن أن تفشل الصفات التي يفضلها الهيبرغامي في النهاية؟
-تفشل هذه الصفات لأن العلاقات الجنسية ليست مكافأة تلقائية لتحقيق معايير الهيبرغامي، بل هناك معايير شخصية أكثر تعقيدًا ل setiap امرأة على حدة، وفشل في تلبية أي من هذه المعايير يمكن أن يؤدي إلى فقدان الفرصة الجنسية.
ما هي النتيجة المشتركة التي يؤدي إليها المفاهيم الخاطئة حول الهيبرغامي؟
-النتيجة المشتركة هي أن الرجال يشعرون بالحيرة أو الغضب ويتراجعون عن العلاقات مع النساء، ما يعكس الظاهرة التي نشهدها في المجتمع اليوم.
Outlines
😔 Misunderstandings about Female Selection and Hypergamy
Dr. Orion Taraban discusses the common misunderstandings men have regarding female selection criteria and the concept of hypergamy. He explains that while the internet has increased awareness about these topics, leading to a better understanding, some men become discouraged upon learning that women tend to 'mate and date up', seeking partners who are taller, stronger, richer, and of higher status. This discouragement stems from the belief that they cannot compete with the top 10 percent of men and that the effort required to meet these criteria is not worth the potential rewards. Dr. Taraban emphasizes that this is a misunderstanding, as the payoff of aligning with hypergamy is not just about securing a relationship but about personal growth and prosperity that benefits the man himself.
🔥 The Illusion of Hypergamy as a 'Silver Bullet'
In the second paragraph, Dr. Taraban addresses the misconception that meeting hypergamous criteria guarantees sexual opportunity. Some men, upon learning about female preferences, believe they can 'hack the game' by aligning themselves with these criteria, such as wealth and physical fitness. However, Dr. Taraban argues that this is deceptive, as women do not simply reward men with sex and relationships for meeting these criteria. Instead, he suggests that these criteria are 'attraction proxies' and that even men who meet them must still start from scratch with every new woman they meet, proving their worth and ensuring the woman feels safe and valued. The key takeaway is that meeting hypergamous criteria is necessary but not sufficient for sexual opportunity, and that effort and effective seduction are still required.
🚫 The Reality of Effort and Hypergamous Criteria
The third paragraph delves into the harsh truth that even being a high-value man, such as a neurosurgeon or a wealthy model, does not equate to effortless sexual opportunity. Dr. Taraban points out that despite meeting hypergamous criteria, a man must still navigate personal criteria specific to each individual woman, which can be extensive and varied. Failing to meet any of these personal criteria can eliminate the opportunity for a relationship, regardless of how well the man meets broader hypergamous standards. This paragraph reinforces the idea that there is no shortcut to forming a connection with a woman and that the process of attraction and seduction cannot be bypassed, even for men who are highly successful or attractive by societal standards.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Hypergamy
💡Awareness
💡Mating
💡Dating Behavior
💡Status
💡Downstream Consequences
💡Payoff
💡Initiate
💡Rejection
💡Criteria
💡Seduction
Highlights
The internet has increased awareness about female mating and dating behavior.
Hypergamy, the tendency to choose partners of higher status, is a key concept in understanding female selection.
Men often misunderstand hypergamy, leading to discouragement or a misguided belief in a 'silver bullet' solution.
Meeting hypergamous criteria does not guarantee sexual opportunity, contrary to some men's beliefs.
The payoff of aligning with hypergamy is personal growth and prosperity, not just securing a partner.
Men who believe they can 'game' the system by meeting hypergamous criteria are often disappointed.
Attraction is not solely based on meeting hypergamous criteria but also on personal interaction and connection.
Even men who are successful and meet hypergamous criteria must start from zero with each new woman.
Men often project a problem-solving mentality onto women, expecting rewards for meeting certain criteria.
Meeting hypergamous criteria is a necessary but not sufficient condition for sexual opportunity.
Attraction proxies, such as wealth and status, do not automatically translate to successful seduction.
Learning to seduce effectively is more important than just meeting hypergamous criteria.
The misconceptions about hypergamy often lead men to disengage from pursuing relationships.
The speaker encourages men to understand the true nature of hypergamy and its impact on relationships.
Word of mouth referrals and donations support the growth of the channel and the spread of this information.
The speaker invites listeners to share their thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Transcripts
I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is
psychack's Better Living Through
psychology and the topic of today's
short talk is what men don't understand
about female selection
so thanks to the internet there has been
an explosion of awareness on this topic
in recent years and this has afforded
the current generation a uniquely
privileged position to understand female
mating and dating Behavior more clearly
and precisely than ever before
the quantity and quality of information
available on the subject just weren't
available to men even 10 years ago and
while some of this information can be a
bitter pill to swallow I hold that it is
ultimately of benefit to both men and
women that it is now more widely known
one of the most important Concepts in
this cache of information is hypergamy
the tendency to mate and date up
to choose men who for example are taller
stronger richer and higher status
hypergamy influences almost every aspect
of female sexual selection and it has a
number of significant Downstream
consequences so it's really really
important to understand this concept
unfortunately there are two common ways
in which the concept is misunderstood by
men and I want to address these in
today's talk so let's get to it
the two misunderstandings roughly
correspond to the two general reactions
men seem to have in response to learning
about the reality of hypergamy
the first is the most prevalent as it
unfortunately corresponds to the more
common reaction of men
basically when a lot of men especially
young men learn about women's sexual
selection criteria
they get really discouraged
they hear that women are only interested
in the top percent of the top 10 percent
of men they consider well they weren't
in the top 10 percent of men in high
school or in college or in young
adulthood and they inappropriately
conclude a that they could never enter
into those upper echelons or B that even
if they could the payoff wouldn't be
worth the time and effort required I.E
the juice isn't worth the squeeze they
look at themselves think well I don't
have anything a woman is really going to
want and conclude why bother
and on some level it's like fair enough
dating is not symmetrical men initiate
the vast majority of interactions so men
disproportionately experience more
rejection than women do on the front end
and women terminate the vast majority of
relationships so men disproportionately
experience more rejection than women do
on the back end and this rejection can
be painful on a number of different
dimensions
these men may be rationally concluding
that a high risk low reward Endeavor
doesn't make sense for them if we were
talking about investing their money we
would call this decision prudent
and no one would have a problem with it
on the other hand lots of people seem to
have a problem with the same decision
being made about women
these men need to grow up man up stop
sniveling and frankly fall in line
this is hardly fair and would likely
make a good topic for a future video
however my point here is that these men
misunderstand the payoff of hypergamy
after all the time and effort expended
to align with the criteria of hypergamy
the payoff is not that a woman has
ultimately provided security and
material resources or even that a man is
offered sex and a relationship
the payoff is the growth and prosperity
that redowned to the man as a result
what does this mean well a top 10
percent man can only indirectly benefit
a woman and then only if she can acquire
and maintain access to the man
however a top 10 percent man directly
benefits himself
he directly benefits from being stronger
and wealthier and higher status these
things are primarily good for him and at
best only secondarily good for others
even if much of his wealth and Status
are stripped from him by a divorce or a
breakup which can certainly happen in
today's society he remains the source of
that value and he became the source of
that value in the transformational
process of becoming a top 10 percent man
so this is the first misunderstanding
about hypergamy that it primarily
benefits women it doesn't it primarily
benefits men and can only indirectly
benefit women namely if a man chooses to
bestow the benefit upon her
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now not all men get discouraged upon
learning about the realities of
hypergamy on the contrary a smaller
subset of men get fired up
these guys are energized by what they
see as a viable path forward they think
fantastic with this information I can
kind of hack the game I can analyze what
really works with respect to mating and
dating and I believe that I can bring
myself in alignment with female
selection preferences I can get rich I
can get fit I can get smooth let's go
out there and get this bread
and in many respects this is an Adaptive
response because as stated previously
all of these things benefit directly the
man in question however in my opinion
this is where men are often shall we say
deceived
because the fact of the matter is is
that women don't actually give sex in
relationships to men
simply as a consequence of men meeting
their selection criteria
the idea that doing Behavior X will
solve problem Y is a masculine
problem-solving strategy projected into
women
men hear that women want a guy with a
six pack and a six-figure income and
they think great if I get these things
if I'm finally what women want then that
means that women will reward me with sex
and relationships
it's the same mentality that believes
okay if I buy her a drink and listen to
her problems and show my value then she
will reward me with sex at the end of
the date writ large
and the disappointing reality is that
this is not the case
sure all other things being equal a
woman is more likely to choose a guy
with a six pack and a six-figure income
over a guy that doesn't have those
things
but it's not true that the vast majority
of women will choose a guy just because
he has a six pack and a six-figure
income these things might make it easier
for a guy to get his foot in the door
but it's better to consider meeting
women's hypergamous criteria as a
necessary but insufficient condition of
sexual opportunity
unless you are like world famous women
aren't going to be lining up to date you
even if you have all of the things that
hypergamy says that women are looking
for a good looking brain surgeon can
drink at the bar by himself all night
and this is because despite the fact
that the man may have worked 10 to 20
years to meet women's hypergamous
criteria
he has to start from scratch with every
new woman he meets
like he could be a successful handsome
eligible bachelor who has worked hard
for years to earn his social proof and
status
and he will still have to start at
square one which for a lot of women
means convincing them that he's not a
serial killer
like
can you imagine a job interview 20 years
into your career in which the
interaction begins with the default
assumption that you are fraudulent
embezzler until proven otherwise and
this is what happens with women they
have to feel safe they have to feel
heard they have to feel like you're
attracted to more than their bodies Etc
and if you say one thing that they don't
like too early in the interaction poof
the opportunity vanishes in an instant
and while it's true that the more a
woman is attracted to you the easier
this process becomes you don't get to
bypass this process just because you've
got biceps in a bank account
indeed you have to begin with women
right where you would have if you hadn't
spent 10 or 20 years building your
status and lifestyle namely at zero
and if you spend all that time on your
abs and income and you never learned how
to seduce a woman
you're probably not going to get as far
as the guy who spent a year learning how
to seduce a woman and has neither the
ABS nor the income hmm
meeting women's hypergamous criteria
unfortunately is not the Silver Bullet
that many men hope it will be most of
these criteria are what I call
attraction proxies
the idea here is that you can have all
the markers of a high status man
and it's still not going to be easy with
women
you will still have to approach and make
an effort and seduce effectively
this doesn't change if you're in the top
ten percent it may change if you're in
the top .001 percent I'm not sure I'm
not there yet but it definitely doesn't
change in the top 10 percent
being a high value man does not lead to
effortless sexual opportunity
and that's a bitter pill to swallow
you could be a neurosurgeon underwear
model who makes seven figures a year in
shelters abandoned puppies and the woman
is still going to ask herself questions
like does he remember the day we met did
he open the door for me how do I feel
when I'm with him does he make me laugh
does he look at other girls well our
kids hands look funny
Etc behind the hypergamous criteria of
the female sex is an almost endless list
of personal criteria of an individual
woman
failure to meet any one of which is
subject to removing the sexual
opportunity no matter how many other
criteria are met
so this is the second misconception
about hypergamy meeting hypergamous
criteria does not guarantee sexual
opportunity
interestingly both of these
misconceptions tend to have the same
outcome namely they generally motivate
men to walk away from women and that's
certainly what we're seeing more and
more of today
what do you think does this fit with
your own experience let me know in the
comments below and if you've gotten this
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