A queer vision of love and marriage | Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan

Summary

Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan share the story of their transformative love, highlighting their queer and trans identities. They discuss how their connection, formed over 3,000 messages, defied traditional timelines and norms. Their relationship thrives on vulnerability, openness, and redefining love, transcending societal expectations. The couple reflects on overcoming challenges, including rejection, and embracing unconventional approaches to family, gender, and marriage. Their journey demonstrates the power of self-determination, compassion, and redefining institutions, offering a hopeful model for others within the LGBTQ+ community.

Takeaways

• 😀 The couple met on Facebook, shared over 3,000 messages, and knew from the start they would be together.
• 😀 Tiq Milan, a transgender man, reflects on the challenges of living as a woman and how he found his true self as a man of his own design.
• 😀 Kim Katrin Milan, a cisgender queer woman, emphasizes the importance of accepting people for who they are, not based on societal norms or conventions.
• 😀 Their relationship focuses on treating each other based on their individual needs and desires, avoiding assumptions about love and support.
• 😀 Tiq faced rejection due to his transgender identity but found unconditional love with Kim, who saw him as her ideal despite his past struggles.
• 😀 The couple celebrates their differences and how their marginalized identities have empowered them to create new ways of existing together.
• 😀 Their commitment to one another transcends traditional love and marriage, challenging societal expectations and rejecting the notion of love based solely on gender norms.
• 😀 On May 5, 2014, they married in Manhattan, blending traditions with their unique, personalized approach to love and commitment.
• 😀 Their marriage, posted on social media, became a model of possibility for LGBTQ+ individuals, showing that love and family can take diverse forms.
• 😀 The couple believes in creating a new world where love, gender, and identity are self-determined, rejecting restrictive, binary thinking about gender.
• 😀 They acknowledge the challenges of being queer and trans but emphasize their ability to create new languages of love and live authentically in a world of deep prejudice.

Q & A

How did Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan meet?

Tiq and Kim first met on Facebook, where they exchanged over 3,000 messages over a span of three days. During this time, they formed a deep connection, which led Tiq to know that Kim was going to be his wife.

What was Tiq Milan's experience with gender before his transition?

Before transitioning, Tiq Milan described walking around as a woman as painful and uncomfortable. He felt as though he was walking with pebbles in his shoes, which threw him off balance and affected his sense of self.

What does Kim Katrin Milan mean by being a 'cisgender queer woman'?

Kim identifies as a cisgender queer woman, meaning that she was assigned female at birth and identifies with that gender. The term 'queer' for her refers to her flexibility in choosing partners and her overall openness to various aspects of her identity.

What was the basis of Tiq and Kim's initial courtship?

Their courtship was built on transparency and vulnerability. They shared their deepest truths upfront, such as Tiq being a transgender man, which allowed them to connect deeply from the start without any pretense.

How did Kim Katrin Milan view Tiq's transgender identity in their relationship?

Kim valued Tiq's transgender identity as a source of strength and was not interested in changing him. She accepted him for who he was, including his scars from top surgery, which she viewed as reminders of his strength and resilience.

What role did queerness play in Tiq and Kim's relationship?

Queerness allowed them to question traditional norms and structures of relationships and love. It helped them create their own path and commitment, rejecting societal expectations and embracing a love that was unique to them.

What does the concept of 'love and inclusion' mean to Tiq and Kim?

For Tiq and Kim, love and inclusion are seen as tools for revolutionary change. They believe that by unlearning deep-seated biases about gender and identity, and creating space for people to express themselves authentically, we can create a better world.

How did Tiq and Kim's wedding reflect their unique relationship?

Their wedding was unconventional yet deeply personal. They were married on the steps of City Hall in Manhattan, incorporating wildflowers and meaningful personal symbols into the ceremony. They rejected traditional norms, such as diamond rings, and instead embraced a more meaningful and authentic expression of their love.

How did Tiq Milan confront the challenges of toxic masculinity?

Tiq had to critically examine and unlearn toxic masculinity. He acknowledged how the privileges associated with being a man impacted his relationship and committed to creating a form of masculinity that values vulnerability, empathy, and a balance with femininity.

What is the significance of Tiq and Kim's commitment to each other despite societal challenges?

Tiq and Kim's commitment represents a model of possibility for marginalized individuals, particularly LGBTQ+ people who are often excluded from traditional institutions like marriage. Their union challenges societal expectations and offers a vision of love that transcends conventional boundaries and definitions.