7 LIFE LESSONS FROM MY 30s: how life changes in your 30s

Summary

Daniel shares his reflections on turning 40 and the lessons he learned during his 30s. He emphasizes the importance of not settling, facing fears, choosing the right relationships, aligning actions with goals, changing environments for growth, accepting that plans may not unfold as expected, and pursuing one's true self at any age. His heartfelt message is a call to action for personal development and fulfillment, acknowledging the support of loved ones along the journey.

Takeaways

• 🎂 Daniel is celebrating his 40th birthday and reflecting on life lessons learned from age 30 to 40.
• 🧐 People often expect others to 'settle down' as they reach middle age, but Daniel encourages staying true to one's adventurous spirit.
• 🤔 Fears become more sophisticated as we age, but it's important to face them and take action despite them.
• 🔄 Relationships can either push you forward or hold you back, and it's crucial to assess whether they are beneficial to your growth.
• 💔 Daniel shares his experience with divorce, emphasizing that ending a relationship can be a form of freedom and growth for both parties.
• 🏃 Actions reveal our true intentions; talking about goals without acting on them is a form of self-deception.
• 🌏 Our environment can limit our growth, and changing it can be a powerful way to reinvent ourselves and pursue our ambitions.
• 🛠 Life doesn't always go according to plan, but staying committed and adaptable can lead to unexpected, yet better outcomes.
• 🌟 It's never too late to pursue your dreams and become who you truly want to be, regardless of your age.
• 🙌 Daniel expresses gratitude for the support and encouragement from the people in his life, highlighting the importance of community.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Daniel's birthday message?

The main theme of Daniel's birthday message is sharing life lessons he has learned from the age of 30 to 40, which he believes can be insightful for others in a similar stage of life.

Why does Daniel feel people start pressuring him to settle down as he enters his 30s?

Daniel feels people start pressuring him to settle down because they themselves have settled for something in their lives and are uncomfortable with the fact that he is still pursuing his goals and evolving.

What does Daniel suggest about the nature of fear as one grows from childhood to adulthood?

Daniel suggests that fear doesn't go away as one grows older; instead, it becomes more sophisticated and is often masked by rationalizations such as being busy or needing to do more research.

How does Daniel view the impact of relationships on personal growth?

Daniel believes that relationships can either push you forward or hold you back, and it's crucial to assess whether a relationship is serving you or preventing you from pursuing the life you want.

What lesson does Daniel share about the importance of aligning actions with aspirations?

Daniel emphasizes that actions reveal the truth about a person's intentions and desires. If one's actions do not align with their stated goals, they are essentially deceiving themselves.

Why did Daniel decide to move from Australia to America at the age of 32?

Daniel decided to move from Australia to America to seek a new life and a new identity, as he felt his environment was restricting his personal growth and change.

How does Daniel feel about the unpredictability of life plans and goals?

Daniel acknowledges that life plans often don't work out as expected, but he encourages staying committed and looking for new ways to achieve goals, as things will eventually work out, albeit in unexpected ways.

What was Daniel's childhood dream that he gave up on and later pursued in his mid-30s?

Daniel's childhood dream was to become a motivational and inspirational speaker, a dream he gave up on due to societal pressures but later pursued in his mid-30s after a period of self-reflection.

What advice does Daniel give regarding the pursuit of one's true self, regardless of age?

Daniel advises that it's never too late to pursue being who you truly are, regardless of age, and encourages facing fears and committing to one's dreams.

How does Daniel express gratitude to those who have supported him throughout his life?

Daniel expresses gratitude by acknowledging the significant role these people have played in his life, supporting him, encouraging him, and helping him become a better person.

Outlines

00:00

🎉 Embracing Middle Age and Lessons Learned

Daniel celebrates his 40th birthday and reflects on the journey from age 30 to 40. He discusses the clichés about aging and the feeling of integration and perspective that comes with reaching middle age. Daniel shares his intention to share seven life lessons he has learned during this period. The first lesson is about societal pressure to settle down, which he resisted, understanding that people's desire for him to settle stems from their own sense of settling in life. He encourages finding a community of like-minded individuals who continue to grow and evolve.

05:05

😨 Facing Fears as an Adult

Daniel addresses how fear is expressed differently as we age, with adults often rationalizing their fears behind phrases like 'I'm too busy' or 'I need to do more research.' He emphasizes the importance of recognizing and confronting fear, rather than avoiding it. Daniel suggests that if something consistently comes to mind and you desire it, you must pursue it, even if it involves overcoming fear of failure or criticism.

10:07

💑 The Impact of Relationships on Personal Growth

In this paragraph, Daniel talks about the significant role relationships play in our lives, especially as we enter our 30s and beyond. He shares his personal experience of getting married in his early 30s due to societal expectations, only to realize later that the relationship was not compatible and was holding him back. He discusses the difficult decision to end the marriage and the realization that doing so was an act of freedom for both parties involved. Daniel stresses the importance of evaluating whether a relationship is propelling you forward or holding you back.

15:07

🚀 Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Daniel highlights the disparity between talking about goals and actually taking action towards them. He criticizes the tendency to make promises or express desires without following through, stating that actions reveal one's true intentions. He uses his experience as a public speaker to illustrate how people often claim they want to improve their speaking skills but fail to take the necessary steps. Daniel advises monitoring one's actions to ensure they align with one's stated goals and aspirations.

🌏 The Power of Changing Your Environment

Daniel shares his experience of selling everything and moving from Australia to America at the age of 32. He discusses how this drastic change allowed him to reinvent himself and pursue new ambitions without the constraints of his old environment. He suggests that changing one's environment can be a powerful way to facilitate personal growth and transformation, as it provides an opportunity to break free from the expectations and norms that may be holding you back.

🛠 Adapting to Life's Unexpected Turns

Daniel admits his tendency to set goals and make plans, but acknowledges that life often throws unexpected changes that can derail even the best-laid plans. He advises staying committed to your goals, even when things don't go as expected, and emphasizes the importance of adapting and finding new ways to achieve what you want. He shares his belief that staying focused and adaptable can lead to outcomes that may be better than initially anticipated.

🌟 It's Never Too Late to Pursue Your Dreams

In the final lesson, Daniel recounts his childhood dream of becoming a motivational speaker, which he abandoned in his youth due to societal pressures. However, after a significant life change in his mid-30s, he decided to pursue his dream and started taking steps towards becoming a speaker. He encourages others not to let age be a barrier to pursuing their dreams and to face their fears in order to become the person they truly want to be.

🙌 Gratitude and the Importance of Support

Daniel concludes his reflections by expressing gratitude for the people in his life who have supported and encouraged him. He acknowledges that his growth and achievements would not have been possible without their help. On his 40th birthday, he thanks his audience for being a part of his life and offers his support as they strive to become the people they aspire to be.

Keywords

💡Middle-age

Middle-age typically refers to the period of life between young adulthood and old age, often associated with one's 40s and 50s. In the video's theme, it symbolizes a transition phase where individuals may start to feel more integrated and gain perspective on life. Daniel mentions this term when discussing the cliches about aging and his personal journey into what was traditionally considered middle-age, highlighting the introspection and life lessons that come with it.

💡Settling down

Settling down generally means establishing a stable and predictable life, often associated with getting married, having children, and pursuing a steady career. In the context of the video, Daniel talks about societal pressures to settle down as one reaches their 30s, but he encourages viewers to resist this pressure if it means giving up on personal growth and aspirations.

💡Fear

Fear, in the video, is portrayed as an emotion that can manifest in various ways as one grows older, often becoming more sophisticated and subtle. Daniel discusses how fear can be disguised as busyness or the need for more research, but ultimately, it's about facing and overcoming these fears to pursue one's goals. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing and confronting fear as a part of personal development.

💡Relationships

Relationships are a central theme in the video, where Daniel discusses how they can either push you forward or hold you back. He shares his personal experience with marriage and how it became a realization that the relationship was not propelling him towards his goals. The concept is tied to the idea that the people around you can significantly impact your life's direction and personal growth.

💡Actions

Actions, according to Daniel, are the true indicators of one's intentions and desires. He criticizes the tendency to talk about aspirations without following through with concrete actions. In the video, he emphasizes that actions reveal the truth about a person's character and goals, advising viewers to align their actions with their stated ambitions.

💡Environment

Environment, in the context of the video, refers to the external circumstances and surroundings that can influence a person's behavior and growth. Daniel shares his experience of moving from Australia to America as a way to change his environment and, consequently, his life. The video suggests that changing one's environment can be a powerful tool for personal transformation and achieving one's goals.

💡Goals

Goals are objectives or targets that Daniel discusses as essential to have but also acknowledges that the path to achieving them is rarely straightforward. He advises viewers to stay committed to their goals even when plans change or things don't work out as expected. The video's message is that perseverance and adaptability are key to eventually achieving one's goals.

💡Inspiration

Inspiration is a key concept in the video, where Daniel shares his journey to becoming a motivational and inspirational speaker. He talks about how listening to motivational tapes in his youth inspired him to pursue a similar path later in life. The term is used to illustrate the power of maintaining one's dreams and aspirations, regardless of age or circumstances.

💡Fulfillment

Fulfillment, in the video, is depicted as a state of contentment and satisfaction that comes from being true to oneself and pursuing one's passions. Daniel relates this to his decision to become a speaker, which brought him a sense of purpose and happiness. The term is used to emphasize the importance of personal authenticity and alignment with one's true self.

💡Support

Support is a recurring theme in the video, where Daniel expresses gratitude for the people in his life who have helped him along his journey. He acknowledges that the success and personal growth he has experienced would not have been possible without the encouragement and assistance from others. The term is used to highlight the value of community and the impact of others on one's life.

Highlights

Daniel shares life lessons learned from the age of 30 to 40.

People's expectations for settling down can be a source of tension.

Fear is an emotion that evolves but never disappears.

Relationships can either push you forward or hold you back.

Actions reveal the truth about one's intentions and priorities.

Environment is a choice and can significantly impact personal growth.

Plans often go awry, but it's important to stay committed to goals.

It's never too late to pursue your dreams and become who you truly are.

The importance of surrounding oneself with a supportive community.

Facing the fear of failure and criticism is crucial for personal development.

The impact of societal norms on personal life choices and ambitions.

The transformative power of ending a relationship for personal growth.

How talking about goals without action can lead to self-deception.

The benefits of changing one's environment for self-improvement.

Adapting to change and finding new ways to achieve goals.

The journey of rediscovering one's passion and turning dreams into reality.

Daniel's personal story of becoming an inspirational speaker.

Transcripts

Hello there! This is Daniel, and today is my 40th  birthday. Can you believe that? I can't. I'm sure  

I look at least 55. But, yes today is my 40th  birthday, and it's been a journey my friends.  

It's been a journey from there to here. And  I've been thinking the last couple of days  

about some lessons and some ideas that I wanted  to share that I learned from the age of 30 to 40.  

Because I think it's something that not a lot of  people talk about is this transition into what I  

suppose used to be called middle-age you know  and there's all these cliches out there today  

about how '30 is the new 20' and '40 is the new 30'  and all that kind of stuff. And it's interesting  

for anyone who has turned 40, I'm sure you'd agree  with me, that you kind of feel like you the exact  

same person. Except that you feel a little bit  more integrated. You feel like life has somehow  

started to mellow, or started to work out in some  ways. And you have a bit of a bit of perspective  

about things. And that's what I want to kind of  share today. I have seven different lessons that  

I have learned in my 30s. And I want to share  those with you. Hopefully they're useful for  

you. Hopefully they give you some insights that  you agree with, or that you can use if you are  

in your 30s moving towards your 40s. Or if you're  already 40, you can maybe nod your head and say "yep  

that's true" or maybe you can disagree. But anyway,  I wanted to share these with you as well as put  

them out there for myself to remember. Because  these are things that I have learned during the  

last 10 years moving towards 40 years old lesson  number one people want you to be like them now  

this is an interesting phenomenon that happens  when you turn 30 people start to ask you when  

you're going to settle down when are you gonna  settle down and get a real job or get married or  

get a relationship or buy a house or get a cat or  whatever it is they seem to have this impetus for  

you to settle down in some way and for me this was  always an interesting thing because you know I was  

a person who was very adventurous and wanted to  try new things and was always setting new goals  

and trying things in my life and it seemed like  as I got into my 30s people started to tire of  

me doing that they wanted me to kind of settle a  little bit and have a normal job in a more normal  

life and I really fascinated me because this  would settle really to be honest pissed me off  

I didn't like the idea of settling for something  I don't think anyone really wants to settle for  

something in their life settling has this idea  that you're kind of giving up you're just taking  

what you can get right but for some reason people  continually would say to me when are you going to  

settle down and I didn't really have an answer I  didn't really want to settle down to be honest I  

wanted to just be who I was and continue on my  path and it took me a long time probably until  

my late 30s to understand this that the reason  people say when are you gonna settle down why  

haven't you settle down yet it's because they have  already given up in some perspective in their life  

they have already settled for something in their  life and they're fairly uncomfortable by the fact  

that you are not like them what I mean by this  is that most people don't achieve or become the  

things that they want to be and unfortunately if  you are still in the path of that if you're still  

trying to evolve and change yourself in some  way it makes them uncomfortable because they  

compare themselves to you unfavorably they don't  like watching someone else still actualizing and  

improving now I realize saying this it makes me  sound like I believe that most people are negative  

or that they and doing much with their life and  honestly this is kind of true in some respects  

many people out there really are living a pretty  boring kind of purposeless life and unfortunately  

if you spend time with them they are going to  try and pull you down in some respect and try  

and make you like them now this is not everyone  not everyone in the world is this way in fact  

there are people who are doing things are evolving  and changing and developing and really I believe  

it is up to you to seek out and to find and to  collect those people and make your own community  

in the world they are out there but typically  they're on part of assuring what they want to  

do so you have to consciously make an effort to  find people who aren't settling who aren't just  

giving up and rationalizing and making excuses  about why they haven't become the person they  

want to be and that will stop you from settling  because you'll be around people who are more like  

you who are actualizing and moving forward lesson  number two fear doesn't go away it just gets more  

sophisticated now when you're a little kid it's  very common to say I'm scared or I don't know  

what to do or I'm worried about this we're very  open with the fact that we're feeling fearful but  

as we grow into adults and particularly as we get  into our 30s and 40s we start to rationalize and  

we start to change the way we express fear in our  life very often you hear people say things like ah  

I'm so busy at the moment I can't do that I need  to do more research I really should get around to  

that I need to think about it but they don't say  the truth is I'm scared to start I'm scared that  

I might fail I'm scared that I'll look like an  idiot or that people will criticize me or laugh  

at me honestly just recording this video there's  a risk that people will criticize me right I know  

that and so I'm scared to put this out there  in some respects but at the same time I'm just  

going through the fear and doing it anyway and  that I think is a really important thing is to  

listen to yourself and if you hear yourself saying  things like I'm too busy or I'm not sure or yeah  

I need to check in and see what what I need to  do here before I really get started and make a  

commitment really what you're saying to yourself  is I'm scared and you need to just face that fear  

and say you know what I'm scared but I'm gonna  do this anyway and the little rubric that I've  

always used is that if something is in your mind  and it keeps coming up for you you keep thinking  

about it something you want to do you want to  be what you want to have then you must pursue  

it you have to go for it even if you do fail even  if it doesn't work out in the long term it doesn't  

matter because at least you went for it and you  showed the world and most important in yourself  

that even though you were scared you still took  action and went for what you wanted lesson number  

three relationships will push you forward or  they will hold you back and this what I think's  

especially important as you enter into your 30s  because very often there's a tendency for people  

to want to get married or to be committed in a  relationship in their thirties going into their  

40s and Beyond it's what everyone else around them  is doing and therefore they think they should do  

that as well and that's exactly what I did in  my early 30s I decided to get married because  

I was in love and it seemed like at the time  that was the most logical thing to do was to  

do what everyone else was doing and settle down  and get married and be committed however it was  

very evident very soon after I got married that  we were not compatible for each other there was  

not something that was serving me or her in the  best way and because I was a committed person and  

because I wanted to do the right thing I committed  and stayed in that relationship much longer than  

I should have for her and for me now I realize  this is not a typical thing that you're gonna  

hear most often you hear stay the course commit  to the relationship keep going with the person and  

you'll find a way through this together and for a  lot of people that is very true but for a lot more  

people the real truth is that the relationship is  holding them back it's stopping them from pursuing  

the life that they want being the person that  they truly feel they are deep inside and so at  

some point you have to make that choice you have  to say is this relationship holding me back or is  

it propelling me forward now for me at the age of  35 I had to make the incredibly difficult decision  

to end that relationship and to get divorced and  at the time it felt like an incredible failure  

it wasn't something that I was proud of I hid it  from most people because I felt like I couldn't  

come in I couldn't be the person I should have  been like everyone else around me and stayed the  

course but what I realized soon after is that  by getting divorced I was actually setting that  

person free to find someone better for them and I  was doing the same thing for myself I was actually  

giving the gift of freedom and letting them become  the right person in their own life and that is a  

tough choice to make sometimes but relationships  are like that they're complicated and they're  

not simple so you have to find the real purpose  underneath it for yourself and I'm saying this  

to myself just as much as to anyone else out there  if you're not in the right relationship deep down  

you know and you need to make that tough choice so  that the person we've can be free to find a better  

choice for them a better suited person and you  can do the same type of thing relationships are  

such an interesting part of life and especially  in your 30s going to your 40s I think if they  

start to make up more and more of the life that  you live so you have to make sure that you're in  

the right one lesson number four your actions  tell the truth about you now this is one of my  

pet peeves in life both something that I do and  then I see a lot of people doing is talking a  

big game about what they're going to do and then  never doing anything about it it's interesting I  

think especially as we get into our thirties and  into our 40s and beyond that we have this tendency  

to talk about things we want to do we want to  be or we want to have but then never really  

get around to it and the truth is if you're not  taking action towards the things that you say are  

important to you then you're bullshitting yourself  I can't be more honest than that that's the truth  

it's interesting as I've become more skilled as a  public speaker more and more people come up to me  

at events or they call me or email me and they say  Oh Daniel I'd like to be like you I want to be a  

great public speaker and I want to have this skill  set and I say to them that's great the first step  

is for you to go out and deliver ten speeches  and once you deliver ten speeches come back and  

we'll talk more about how you can improve and you  can change and they say okay sounds good and then  

they go away and I never hear from them again they  may be complete one or two or three speeches but  

they never get to even ten speeches and they just  disappear and I might see them at an event in the  

future sometime they say yeah I've got to get  around to that I haven't done it yet I really  

want to do it but I'm so busy but the truth is  they're not actually really wanting to do it their  

actions are telling the truth about who they are  and I think this is a great rule or system to live  

by is to watch your daily and weekly actions and  say to yourself are the things I'm doing actually  

linking to the things that I want to have to be  or to do and if they're not then you need to take  

a good hard look at yourself and say I need to  change I need to do something that is leading me  

towards these things that I want and at the end  of the day you can always go back to the maxim  

that don't listen to what someone says watch  their behavior and that counts for you as much  

as for me your actions tell the truth about you  lesson number five your environment is a choice  

now at the age of 32 I sold everything that I  owned and I move countries from Australia to  

America at the time this was a terrifying thing to  do but it was also exhilarating it was a chance at  

a new life and a new me so often in life there's  a tendency to feel like we're stuck in a certain  

environment our family our friends at work our  culture start to mold who we are and then they  

actually start to restrict the person that we are  we might have new ambitions new desires new dreams  

and goals but we end up staying the same because  the environment around us doesn't give us room or  

permission to change and this goes back to point  number one that people around you want you to be  

like them they don't want you to change and if  you do it makes them uncomfortable and it's the  

same your entire environment the culture that you  live in the city you live in everything around you  

is built and designed in a certain way to keep  normality and the only real way that you can  

change that is for you to remove yourself from  the environment and it's well within your power  

at anytime to change to move to sell everything  to pack up and to change yourself completely the  

interesting thing I found is that when I moved to  America I had a different identity first of all  

people didn't know who the hell I was so I could  just change and become the person I felt like I  

wanted to be at the time but at the same time I  also had a cultural identity I was an Australian  

living in America and there were perceptions about  me that I didn't realize so I had to contend with  

those and to change myself to sort of fit into  the new environment and that's something that  

will happen if you choose to move as well you  get to reinvent and you get to kind of become  

a totally different person and learn new things  about yourself so I always go back to the idea  

that if you're feeling discontent or frustrated  or things aren't really moving along like you  

want one of the best things that you can do is to  just completely change your environment to pack up  

to move and to start over lesson number six things  won't work out the way you want but they will work  

out this one is especially important to me because  I'm a person who always sets goals and makes plans  

in my life and are very strategic in terms of the  way I want to live my life the things I want to do  

and if you're like that you've probably noticed  that whenever you set a new goal or a new plan  

things usually go off the rails pretty quickly  right you get frustrated you get dejected you  

want to give up as soon as the plans that you make  didn't work out and what I have learned especially  

in my 30s going into my 40s is that that's just  life it doesn't matter how much you plan to do  

something in your life how perfectly strategically  systemized you've got it things will go haywire  

things won't work out people will drop out or not  be there for you and different things will happen  

that will mess you up but you still have a choice  whether you stay the course and you keep committed  

to the thing you want you have to be the one who  says okay that situation didn't work or that plan  

didn't come to fruition however it doesn't mean  that the goal has to be given up on I can still  

go for this in a new way I can find a new way and  what's interesting is when you stay committed to  

something when you keep looking for new ways and  new strategies and new systems to make things work  

for yourself suddenly you meet new people you find  yourself in new environments new circumstances  

emerge that help you to actually achieve the thing  you want in a different way and what I've noticed  

is that over time especially over a long period of  time that things tend to work out in ways that you  

don't expect but they're better than you expect  so what I would say is that if you are at a point  

in your life where you've set a goal or you made a  plan and things haven't worked out exactly as you  

thought stay the course stay focused on it and  keep moving towards it because things will work  

out just not in the way that you expect so number  seven it's never too late to be who you are this  

lesson is really important for me and also for  anyone who is maybe in their mid to late 30s who  

hasn't achieved something that they wanted to do  for a long long time when I was a very young man  

when I was about 14 15 years old I had a dream  to become a motivational inspirational speaker  

I used to listen to motivational cassette tapes by  Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy and Earl Nightingale  

and all these people and I dream that one day  I'd get to stand on a stage and share ideas and  

inspire people but of course as happens to most  of us around the age of 18 to 20 I started to  

get told that I need to get a job to be serious to  be logical and rational and settle down and what  

happened was I kind of gave up on my dream I got  a normal career I started to do things that normal  

people do and I kind of forgot about my desire  to become an a motivational and inspirational  

speaker and it wasn't until my mid-30s after I  got divorced that I really started to look at  

my life and say why am I not pursuing the things  that really matter to me deep down why am I not  

actually showing who I really am to the world and  that made me finally face that fear and admit to  

myself and to the world out there that I want  to be an inspirational and motivational speaker  

so I started to actually write share speeches  and do the thing that I said and believed that  

I wanted to do and lo and behold it started to  work I started to get a chance to speak more  

and more I started to impact people and it was  incredible how much better I felt about myself  

because I was doing the thing I was meant to  do now for you I hope that this encourages you  

and inspires you to no matter how old you are no  matter what age if you're 35 45 55 85 it doesn't  

matter if there's something in you that you really  feel you want to do in the world do it face your  

fear take the time commit to it and do it now  today I am NOT some world famous inspirational  

speaker but I do have a chance to stand on stages  and to inspire people and that to me is the true  

measure of success because I am being the person  that I truly am it doesn't really impress anyone  

but it makes me feel fulfilled at the end of the  day and that's really the message here is that  

no matter what age you are it's never too late to  be who you truly are so there we go those are my  

best lessons that I learned from the age of 30 all  the way to 40 changed Who I am as a person some of  

them have been very hard to admit over the years  to face but they have made me a better person of  

character and I hope that they are a value in some  way to you that they make you think or change your  

perspective a little bit the same as they did for  me and of course I want to say at the end here  

that none of this none of this would have been  possible for me had it not been for the amazing  

people in my life who have supported me encouraged  me pick me up when I've fallen down and made me  

into a better person so I'm well aware of how much  everyone else out there you have contributed to my  

life you have made a difference to me so I want  to thank you for first of all listening to this  

for taking the time to be a part of my life in  whatever way that we are connected and to know  

that you are significant important to me so  on my 40th birthday I want to say thank you  

very much having you in my life is probably the  greatest gift of all so I wish you a wonderful day  

a wonderful decade ahead and I am here to support  you as you become the person that you want to be