What Every Woman Is Hiding From You (It's Not What You Think!)

Summary

The video script delves into the complexities of human behavior when forming new relationships. It highlights the tendency for individuals to initially present their best selves, often hiding emotional vulnerabilities and negative traits. As time passes and the 'facade' cracks, the true nature of a person emerges, often under the influence of time and pressure. The speaker warns against the 'halo effect' and the quick judgment that can lead to deception and manipulation. Instead, they encourage viewers to pay close attention to subtle cues and 'leaks' of true character, which can reveal more about a person's consistency and reliability. The video serves as a cautionary guide to understanding and navigating the dynamics of human relationships, urging viewers to be vigilant and emotionally resilient.

Takeaways

• 🧩 People often compartmentalize themselves and show only their 'good' side when first meeting others.
• 🕰️ Over time, the facade that individuals put up tends to crack due to time and pressure, revealing their true selves.
• 🌟 The 'halo effect' can deceive us into assuming that one positive trait means all other traits are equally positive.
• 🤔 We naturally seek to create a fixed image of people to simplify the process of getting to know them, which can lead to confusion and misjudgment.
• 💤 Many individuals are 'lazy socialites' who prefer quick judgments over paying attention to details and observing others' true nature.
• 😡 Emotional vulnerabilities are often hidden but can manifest as impatience, poor impulse control, and other negative behaviors.
• 🗣️ People have a subconscious need to reveal their true selves, which can be detected through verbal or nonverbal 'leaks' if one pays attention.
• 📉 The initial high of new relationships can blind us to a person's negative traits, creating a false sense of compatibility.
• 🔍 It's crucial to continually update our perception of people based on their actions and not just rely on first impressions.
• 🚫 Be aware of individuals who use their vulnerabilities to manipulate and control others, as this can lead to toxic relationships.
• 💔 Sometimes, despite emotional investment, it's necessary to detach from relationships that are harmful or unhealthy.

Q & A

Why do people often show only a part of themselves when first meeting others?

People tend to compartmentalize themselves and show only their good and happy side to create a positive first impression. This is often referred to as a facade.

What typically causes the facade that people put up to break over time?

The facade usually breaks due to two factors: time and pressure, which reveal the person's true nature and emotional vulnerabilities.

Why do people often fall for the 'halo effect' when meeting new individuals?

People fall for the halo effect because they focus more on the positive traits that are presented, assuming that these traits reflect the person's overall personality.

What is the 'halo effect' and how does it lead to deception or manipulation?

The halo effect is a cognitive bias where the positive perception of one trait influences the perception of other traits of a person. This can lead to deception or manipulation because people overlook negative traits or behaviors.

Why do people have a natural compulsion to find a fixed image of others when first meeting them?

People have a natural compulsion to find a fixed image to simplify the process of understanding others, reduce cognitive load, and avoid confusion that comes with getting to know someone new.

What is the term used to describe people who make quick judgments about others without paying much attention to details?

Such people are referred to as 'lazy socialites' or 'lazy humans' in the script, indicating their tendency to form superficial impressions rather than taking the time to truly understand others.

How do emotional vulnerabilities manifest in people's behavior over time?

Emotional vulnerabilities can manifest as impatience, lack of impulse control, and compulsive behaviors, which become more evident as time passes and the individual feels more comfortable.

What is the significance of the two to three-month period in getting to know someone new?

The two to three-month period is significant because it is often when people start to show their true selves, including their flaws and compulsions, as they become more comfortable with the new person.

Why do people hide their emotional vulnerabilities when meeting new people?

People hide their emotional vulnerabilities to avoid appearing weak or flawed, and to create a more favorable impression of themselves.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with individuals who reveal their true, potentially negative, nature after a few months of getting to know them?

The speaker advises to continually update one's perception of people, to be willing to 'eject' or end the relationship if their true nature is revealed to be toxic or harmful, and to develop emotional resilience to detach from such individuals.

What does the speaker suggest as a method to avoid getting entangled with emotionally manipulative people?

The speaker suggests developing a meditation practice and emotional resilience to help stay away from manipulative people and to break off relationships before becoming more emotionally entangled.

Outlines

00:00

🧐 The Facade of First Impressions

This paragraph discusses the tendency of people to present a curated version of themselves when first meeting others, focusing on their best traits to create a positive first impression. It highlights the 'halo effect' where one positive trait can lead to assumptions about overall character. The speaker emphasizes the importance of observing beyond these initial displays to avoid deception and manipulation. They point out that people are often more contradictory and hypocritical than they realize, and that true observation involves recognizing these inconsistencies. The paragraph concludes by noting that people's natural inclination is to seek patterns and create a fixed image of others to simplify the complex process of getting to know someone new.

05:00

🕵️‍♂️ Unmasking Hidden Emotional Vulnerabilities

The second paragraph delves into the concept of emotional vulnerabilities, which people often hide behind a facade. It talks about how over time, under the influence of time and pressure, these facades can crack, revealing the true nature of the individual. The speaker advises paying attention to 'leaks' of information that people unconsciously reveal about their true selves, such as impulsive spending, excessive drinking, or aggressive behavior. They caution against falling in love with the wrong version of someone, which often happens after the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship. The speaker stresses the importance of continually updating one's perception of others based on new information and being willing to walk away from relationships that become toxic.

10:02

🤔 The Challenge of Detecting Emotional Weaknesses

In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the challenge of detecting emotional weaknesses and vulnerabilities in others, which they may try to hide due to social acceptability. They argue that it's crucial to be aware of these traits, such as impulse control issues, as they can lead to negative outcomes like infidelity, dishonesty, and poor decision-making. The speaker shares personal experiences where they've had to make tough decisions after discovering the true nature of someone they thought they knew. They also mention the tactic some people use to get others emotionally invested before revealing their darker sides, making it harder to leave the relationship. The speaker concludes by suggesting the development of emotional resilience and a meditation practice to help avoid such toxic individuals.

Keywords

💡Compartmentalize

Compartmentalize refers to the act of dividing something into separate parts or categories. In the context of the video, it is used to describe how people often present themselves to others by showing only a part of their personality, usually the more favorable aspects. The script mentions that people 'compartmentalize themselves' and 'choose to show you their good side, their happy side', which is a way to hide their true selves initially when meeting new people.

💡Facade

A facade is a superficial appearance that conceals the true nature of something. The video discusses how individuals often put up a 'facade' to hide their true selves, especially when under the pressure of time and societal expectations. The script uses the term to illustrate the idea that over time, this 'facade cracks' and reveals the person's true nature, which can lead to disappointment or a sense of betrayal for those who were deceived by the initial impression.

💡Halo Effect

The halo effect is a cognitive bias where the perception of one trait influences the perception of other traits of a person. The script warns about the dangers of falling for the 'halo effect', where if someone is seen as having one positive trait, such as being attractive or religious, it may lead to the assumption that all other traits are equally positive. This can result in overlooking negative traits or behaviors.

💡Impulsiveness

Impulsiveness is the tendency to act without thinking or considering the consequences. The video script points out that people with poor impulse control often 'manifest themselves over time', leading to behaviors such as cheating, lying, or making poor financial decisions. It is suggested that these behaviors are hidden initially but become evident as the relationship progresses and the person becomes more comfortable.

💡Emotional Vulnerabilities

Emotional vulnerabilities refer to the aspects of a person's emotional state that are sensitive or susceptible to being hurt. The video emphasizes that people often hide their 'emotional vulnerabilities', which are parts of themselves they have no control over and are underdeveloped. As time and pressure mount, these vulnerabilities can become more apparent, leading to a more accurate understanding of the person's character.

💡Self-Absorption

Self-absorption is a state of being excessively concerned with oneself. The script describes 'lazy socialites' and 'lazy humans' who are self-absorbed and prefer to make quick judgments about others rather than paying close attention to their true nature. This self-absorption leads to a lack of genuine interest in others and a tendency to be manipulated or to manipulate others.

💡Consistency

Consistency in this context refers to the predictability or uniformity in a person's behavior or character. The video discusses how people are naturally inclined to find a 'consistent fixed image' of others to simplify the process of understanding them. However, the script challenges this by pointing out that people are often more contradictory than consistent, suggesting that it's more accurate to observe and update our understanding of people as new information becomes available.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own reality or perceptions. The video mentions that toxic individuals use their vulnerabilities as a means to 'Gaslight' and control others, creating a manipulative dynamic where the victim may feel guilt or confusion, doubting their own experiences and perceptions.

💡Detachment

Detachment in the video refers to the ability to emotionally distance oneself from a situation or person. The script advises learning the 'art of detaching' as a way to protect oneself from toxic relationships, comparing it to removing a 'cancerous limb'. This concept is presented as a necessary skill when recognizing that a relationship is harmful and deciding to walk away.

💡Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and to adapt to stressful conditions. The video suggests developing 'emotional resilience' as a means to avoid getting entangled with people who may be emotionally harmful. It implies that having this resilience can help one to break off relationships before becoming too emotionally invested.

💡Dark Side

The 'dark side' in the video refers to the negative or hidden aspects of a person's character that are not immediately apparent. The script talks about how after a few months of knowing someone, their 'dark side' may begin to show as they become more comfortable and their true nature is revealed. This concept is central to the video's theme of understanding people's true selves beyond their initial presentation.

Highlights

People often show only their best side initially when meeting new individuals.

Over time, the facade of perfection cracks due to time and pressure.

The halo effect leads to deception and manipulation by focusing on one positive trait.

People tend to be more hypocritical than they realize, with contradictions over consistencies.

The natural human compulsion is to find a fixed image of people to avoid confusion.

Many are lazy socialites, making quick judgments to avoid paying attention to details.

People often hide their emotional vulnerabilities, which can be underdeveloped parts of themselves.

Impatience and poor impulse control are often hidden but manifest over time.

Humans have a compulsion to reveal their true nature, despite initial attempts to hide it.

Attention to detail is crucial to detect emotional vulnerabilities and patterns.

People become more comfortable and reveal their true selves after a few months.

The initial impression can be misleading; people's true nature often reveals later.

Toxic people use their vulnerabilities to manipulate and control others.

It's important to continually update your perception of people as more is revealed.

Detaching from emotionally entangled relationships is a necessary skill.

Developing emotional resilience can help avoid toxic relationships.

The bundle offer includes courses on assertiveness, dating, social mastery, and understanding human nature.

The bundle provides a comprehensive learning experience at a discounted price.

There is a 30-day money-back guarantee for the bundle.

Transcripts

when you first meet people people never

really show you their whole selves right

they only compartmentalize themselves

and choose to show you their their

representative their good side their

happy side and what tends to happen is

that over time this facade cracks this

facad breaks and it and it breaks into

in because of two things time and

pressure all right and unfortunately

when we are meeting people we take on we

we tend to focus on a p es a lot more

than on what they're actually showing us

and as a result we tend to get deceived

we tend to get manipulated because we

fall for the halo effect if they are

pretty if they have one positive trait

here if they're Buddhists if they're

religious and then it means that all the

other personality traits are aligned

when in reality when you really observe

yourself and others you tend to notice

you have a lot more contradictions than

consistencies you you you are a lot more

hypocritical than you really think you

are if you really observe what you value

versus what you do so when you first

meet people um we naturally your natural

compulsion is to find a find a fixed

image we're all trying to find patterns

and we're all trying to create a

consistent fixed FL um um version of

people so that we can stop thinking too

much so that we can stop analyzing too

much so that we don't have to be

confused because when we're first

getting to know people it's more of a

it's more of a fuzzy confusing

experience because we're trying to we

we're trying to um we're trying to solve

the puzzle right and a lot of people

just don't like that a lot of people

don't like to observe a lot of people

don't like to pay attention and the

reason why is because they're just so

lazy they're lazy socialites they're

lazy humans they're so self-absorbed

that they just want to qu they just want

to make a quick Judgment of people so

that they could go back and pay

attention to them and as a result they

tend to get played they tend to get

manipulated they tend to be shitty

people to be around with because they

rarely pay attention to you they're

rarely noticing details of you and you

tend to resent that and we're all making

that mistake most people are rarely

interested in other people rarely pay

attention so let's talk about what are

those things that you have to pay

attention to because people rely on your

laziness to hide these things they rely

on it right so these are the things

right the first one is that they well

it's not even the first one it's

actually the the it's it's it's one

thing that comes with a lot of things

people hide their emotional

vulnerabilities emotional

vulnerabilities are parts of of yourself

and themselves that are underdeveloped

are parts that they have they have no

control over their compulsion there are

some parts that they have developed that

they have some control over and they use

that as a facade and they use that as a

mask that fuses with their real selves

right but what tends to happen is that

time and pressure breaks that and the

problem when that happens is that rather

than just assume rather than rather than

understand that what you were seeing was

a facade rather than understanding that

that you're actually getting to know the

person and this is a side of their

personality we tend to ignore it we tend

to just not update them in our minds we

we we don't use what they give us as a

way to add on to how we see them in

their minds why because one they I they

either they tell us not to pay attention

don't notice the fact that I hate you

don't notice the fact that I lied to you

don't notice the fact that I slept with

your friend don't notice none of that

stuff because I'm sorry because I was

actually going through a lot of things I

usually don't act this way I am more

faithful I don't play those types of

game I am different and as a result

rather than take up what they did to you

and understand that this is part of a

pattern and that you have to judge them

in the context of what they did we

ignore it and we all just focus on the

first impression or we just focus on the

halo effect where we we get deep into um

into our own um denial and we start

assuming things about them that we never

really have any evidence for so people

tend to

hide those emotional vul vulnerabilities

and these are things are they're

impatient right they try to hide their

impatience they try to hide their

impulse control at the end of the day

people with shitty impulse control will

manifest themselves over time they'll

cheat on you they'll lie to you they'll

be addicted to things that you didn't

know before they'll have shitty finances

they make shitty long-term decisions

when they have no impulse control and

you'll see and and these are some of the

things that you may not see initially

because they hide it you don't see how

much money they owe you don't see how

much how many um Broken Bridges they

consistently do because of their

impulses they hide those negative flaws

but the beauty about humans is that

people have a compulsion to tell you who

they are people have a compulsion to to

show people their true nature because

they don't want to they feel isolated

having to hide their true selves so what

tends to happen as a way to release the

pent up tension humans tends to leak out

information either verbally or

nonverbally and if you're notay if you

if you are paying attention you're going

to notice those leaks because they want

you to pay attention unconsciously so

they might you might notice that they

when they when they go out with you they

spend a lot of money compulsively and

you're like okay or they when you go out

with them they get really drunk with you

and they just say it was just a one-time

thing or they they they go to Raves

consistently and they just say oh I'm

just that's just you know I play hard

and work hard right or they get really

aggressive at you cing a date or they

get really aggressive at you um um um um

criticizing them those are emotional

vulnerabilities where they can't control

those emotions and they tend to act out

their real selves when those when those

things happen and what they hope that

you do is that you ignore what just

happened that you look the other way and

that you assume this is just a one-time

thing I'm not like that this is I'm

actually more calm this was a bad moment

when in reality you shouldn't just say

you know judge them and say [ __ ] you but

understand hold that puzzle and always

look at it so that you could use that

information to to create more contacts

based on the information they give

you what tends to happen is that we tend

to fall in love with the wrong version

of them after two or three months is

when people actually start to show you

who they are when you're first getting

to meet them after two or three months

they show you their their compulsions

they show you their Dark Side they show

you the the the their flaws and the way

that it comes out is because they just

get comfortable with you you see people

are polite to strangers but the more

they get to know you the more the more

comfortable they get the more rude they

become they become more comfortable

around you so that's why after two or

three months is when you start to see

how psychotic they are how inconsistent

they are like time will tell you their

story the problem is that do not be

fooled by how they look do not be fooled

by the impression that you initially had

of them like some people come across as

they're not manipulative they come

across as weak and and and and and

incapable of taking care of themselves

you try to help them and then they use

that emotional vulnerability as a way to

manipulate you as a way to gain power

over you and if you just keep assuming

that they're weak and helpless you're

not going to notice how much power and

control they have over you through their

weakness you should continually update

that people genuinely and and I think

these are the most toxic

people people who use their problems

their D their their vulnerabilities as a

way to Gaslight you and control you and

guilt you into

submission that's why even even when you

get into know people within the first

two or three months you have to be

willing to eject because a lot of the

times after a month or two or three or

after they know how much you like them

that's when they start showing their

real side after they know that you

emotionally depend on them after they

know that you have invested a lot of

emotions on them and that you're not

willing to leave that's when they begin

to show you their true selves once they

know you are dependent on them and what

does that say it shows you how they deal

with power unfortunately with people you

could fall in love with someone and and

they'll just and once you do that

they'll start showing you another side

and unfortunately for you you have no

other choice but to walk away if you

stay in that situation you're asking to

get [ __ ] you're asking to get played

you have to learn the art of detaching

yourself like almost as though you're

detaching a limb that's that that that's

cancerous even though it's your limb

even though it's going to hurt you have

to detach it some people are literal

liter literally create cancer cells

within

us and that's the tricky part is that

you could know someone for two or three

months I mean for two

months and something magical happens

after like like two or three months that

you just start seeing another side or

maybe you know initially when you get

into know people the high of the

chemistry the high of the newness tends

to Blind us with tends to Blind us from

their from their Nega from their

negative traits

right and we all can assume we all can

sense how that makes sense right like

that makes a lot of sense to feel their

NE to ignore their negative trait

evolutionarily that's perfect right

that's how humans um um that's how

humans sort of get together right it's

it's it's not a logical thing but this

creates blind spots and this is the part

that like I was talking to a client and

she told me that everything was perfect

but after like four months the guy just

started um being inconsistent he started

cancelling he started being an [ __ ]

to her started having Arguments for no

reason and it she was like I don't know

why she why he's acting this way it's

not him I'm like no it's him you're just

getting to know him now finally and

that's the part that confuses people

it's like they want to believe in what

they saw initially you you as a human

being have a need to believe but you got

to understand they also have a need to

hire certain parts right they know that

they there are parts of them that are

not socially acceptable so they try

their hardest to hide it from

you you know and it's your job to detect

it it's their job to hide it and it's

your job to be able to to detect the

[ __ ] and if you're if you're not

good good at detecting other people's

dark side at detecting other people's

emotional weaknesses and emotional

vulnerabilities and I don't mean

emotional weakness as a way to

manipulate them but if you understand

that this person has no impulse control

that's an emotional weakness that you

don't want to be close to that you want

to stay away from them those are the

types of things you want to be aware of

those emotional vulnerabilities because

those emotional vulnerabilities will

eventually end up attacking you and

hurting you in the long run it's best to

stay away from people like that because

nothing good happens

all

right anyways people um this happened to

me this happened to me many times um and

it sucks when you work so hard with

someone to work it out for like a month

or

so and they don't really and and and you

end up finding out that they're

narcissist or that they're selfish or

that they're like emotionally stupid or

even like IQ wise they're like really

really not there like like you know I

don't I hate to judge people who are

have low IQs you know what I'm saying I

sound the leadest but it's true like if

you have low IQ like that's problematic

that that really is

problematic you know they forget like

anyways man it's crazy man um because I

met people and I thought they were a

certain way and after I got to know them

I realized they weren't and I was faced

with a tough decision and

that's that's what we had that's why

people try to hide it because they know

once you emotionally invest it's hard to

it's hard to be honest with yourself

about their nature so they take

advantage of that it's like guys with

small dicks right they try to get you

fing love so that once they show you

their minim me you have no other choice

but to stay right and so they try to get

you to emotionally invest in their Light

Side so that when they show you their

dark sides you can't leave because

you're already addicted to them [ __ ]

that [ __ ] develop a meditation practice

develop emotional resilience and this

will help you stay away from people like

that and break it

off before you start to get more

emotionally entangled and anyways

hopefully you guys enjoyed this video if

you guys want to work with me oneone go

to mindfulattraction.org and I'll see

you guys later bye-bye all right guys

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