The voices in my head | Eleanor Longden

Summary

The speaker shares her transformative journey from battling schizophrenia and hearing voices to becoming an advocate for understanding mental distress. Initially appearing as a confident university student, she concealed her deep insecurities and fear. The onset of hearing voices led to a misdiagnosed schizophrenia, resulting in a cycle of despair and self-harm. However, with the support of fellow survivors and professionals, she learned to interpret these voices as responses to past traumas, not as enemies. This realization allowed her to heal, graduate with honors in psychology, and contribute to the Hearing Voices Movement, promoting empathy and empowerment for those with mental health challenges.

Takeaways

• 🎓 The speaker began university with high expectations and a facade of confidence, masking deep-seated insecurities and fear.
• 🗣️ The onset of hearing a voice narrating their actions in the third person marked the beginning of a significant personal struggle.
• 🤯 Initially, the voice seemed neutral and even comforting, but it later became a source of distress and confusion.
• 🚫 Sharing the experience of hearing voices with a friend led to a negative perception and the belief that it was a serious mental health issue.
• 🏥 Medical professionals focused on the voice as a symptom of mental illness, leading to a diagnosis of schizophrenia and a sense of hopelessness.
• 💔 The speaker felt alienated and misunderstood, which intensified their fear and resistance towards the voices, worsening their condition.
• 🔄 A cycle of fear, avoidance, mistrust, and misunderstanding was established, contributing to a deteriorating mental state.
• 🌱 Over time, the speaker learned to interpret the voices as metaphorical expressions of their own emotions and trauma, rather than literal threats.
• 🤝 Support from fellow survivors, family, and a believing doctor was crucial in the speaker's journey towards recovery and empowerment.
• 🎓📚 The speaker eventually graduated with high honors in psychology, using their experiences to advocate for a change in the approach to mental health.
• 🌟 The Hearing Voices Movement promotes understanding and respect for those who hear voices, viewing it as a meaningful response to trauma, not just a symptom of illness.

Q & A

What was the narrator's initial experience of university life?

The narrator's initial experience of university life was filled with hope and optimism. They engaged in lectures, parties, and even traffic cone theft, presenting a feisty and energetic persona.

How did the narrator describe their underlying emotional state despite their outward appearance?

Despite their outward appearance, the narrator was deeply unhappy, insecure, and fundamentally frightened. They were afraid of other people, the future, failure, and the emptiness they felt within themselves.

What was the first sign of the narrator's mental health struggles?

The first sign of the narrator's mental health struggles was hearing a voice that narrated their actions in the third person, starting with the phrase 'She is leaving the room.'

How did the voice initially make the narrator feel?

Initially, the voice was neutral, impassive, and even strangely companionate and reassuring to the narrator, despite occasionally reflecting their unexpressed emotions.

What was the narrator's reaction when they first heard the voice?

The narrator was shaken and hurried home when they first heard the voice. They were initially intrigued and somewhat comforted by it, but this perception changed after they told a friend and sought medical help.

How did the medical professionals' reaction to the voice impact the narrator's perception of it?

The medical professionals' reaction, which was one of grim concern and interest only when the voice was mentioned, led the narrator to view the voice as a symptom of a serious problem and increased their fear and resistance towards it.

What was the narrator's experience with the medical system after disclosing the voice?

After disclosing the voice, the narrator was referred to a psychiatrist who interpreted their experiences through a lens of latent insanity. This led to a hospital admission, a diagnosis of schizophrenia, and a sense of hopelessness and despair.

How did the narrator's relationship with the voices evolve over time?

The narrator's relationship with the voices evolved from a neutral and companionate one to a hostile and menacing one, as they began to retreat into a nightmarish inner world where the voices became both persecutors and companions.

What was the turning point for the narrator in terms of understanding and coping with the voices?

The turning point for the narrator was realizing that the voices were a meaningful response to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events, and not their enemies. This understanding allowed them to separate metaphorical meanings from literal interpretations.

How did the narrator eventually graduate with the highest degree in psychology?

The narrator eventually graduated with the highest degree in psychology by learning to live with peace and respect towards the voices, which in turn reflected a growing sense of compassion, acceptance, and respect towards themselves.

What is the narrator's current involvement with the International Hearing Voices Movement?

The narrator is now a part of Intervoice, the organizational body of the International Hearing Voices Movement, which promotes understanding and respect for voice hearing, supports the needs of individuals who hear voices, and values them as full citizens.

What message does the narrator convey about the power of belief and empathy in changing the world?

The narrator conveys that empathy, fellowship, justice, and respect are not just words but convictions and beliefs that can change the world. They emphasize the importance of believing in the power of the individual and the innate capacity to heal.