How To Get People To Open Up

Summary

In this video, the speaker shares strategies for building deeper, more fulfilling relationships by encouraging people to open up. He emphasizes two key approaches: reducing your filter by being authentic and sharing unique personal details, and asking 'assumption questions' that show active listening and prompt others to share their thoughts. The speaker also notes that increasing your perceived value through confidence, hygiene, and social proof makes these techniques more effective. He encourages viewers to build a habit of engaging with others to see real progress in their social lives.

Takeaways

• 😀 Reducing your filter helps people feel comfortable opening up to you.
• 😀 People often hold back because they fear judgment, so showing that you don’t care about societal norms can encourage openness.
• 😀 Sharing something unusual or personal about yourself, like a quirky habit, can help lower the other person's guard.
• 😀 Having a high perceived value (good hygiene, social proof, etc.) makes it easier to get away with saying strange things.
• 😀 The key to encouraging people to open up is asking the right types of questions.
• 😀 Assumption questions, based on observations, can prompt someone to share more deeply and correct any wrong assumptions.
• 😀 Showing deep attention and care for someone's conversation signals that you're genuinely interested in their feelings.
• 😀 When people feel you are non-judgmental and genuinely care, they are more likely to open up about their personal issues.
• 😀 Building a habit of talking to people is necessary to form deeper relationships and encourage them to share more.
• 😀 The Habit Builder Challenge program helps people build habits that lead to greater success in communication and relationships.
• 😀 Taking action and making a habit of these communication techniques is crucial for long-term success in building relationships.

Q & A

What is the first step to getting people to open up to you?

The first step is to reduce your filter. This means being willing to share thoughts, ideas, and experiences that are considered socially unconventional, which helps others feel more comfortable in opening up to you.

Why do people tend to hold back from sharing their true thoughts?

People often hold back because they are afraid of how others will react, such as being made fun of, looking foolish, or being judged. This fear causes them to engage in small talk and keep their deeper feelings bottled up.

How can sharing something weird or unconventional help others open up?

By sharing something unconventional, like a personal quirk or strange habit, you show that you don't care about societal judgments. This creates a safe space for others to open up as well, thinking it's okay to share their own strange or hidden thoughts.

What is the difference between reducing your filter and being perceived as 'crazy'?

Reducing your filter means expressing yourself in a way that feels authentic, but it's important that your perceived value is high enough to prevent being seen as 'crazy.' If your value is too low (e.g., low social proof or hygiene), others may dismiss your behaviors as strange or unsettling.

What is the concept of 'perceived value' in social interactions?

Perceived value refers to how others view your social worth, which can be influenced by factors such as hygiene, social status, physical appearance, and social proof (e.g., having friends). The higher your value, the easier it is for you to reduce your filter without negative consequences.

Why is it important to ask the right questions when trying to get someone to open up?

Asking the right questions, especially assumption questions, demonstrates that you're paying close attention to the person’s feelings and behaviors. This shows genuine interest, which makes them more likely to share their deeper thoughts and emotions.

What is an 'assumption question' and how does it work?

An assumption question is when you make an assumption about someone based on their behavior or what they've said, and you ask them if it's true. This encourages them to open up and correct you if needed, often leading to deeper conversations.

Can you give an example of an assumption question?

Sure! If someone seems down when talking about their engagement, you might say, 'You don't seem very excited about your engagement, is there something bothering you?' This shows you're really paying attention and can prompt them to reveal more.

What role does active listening play in getting someone to open up?

Active listening is key because it shows the person that you care about what they’re saying. When you actively listen and make an assumption based on their tone, body language, and words, it can encourage them to open up further.

How does the concept of 'not judging' help in building a deeper connection?

By showing that you don't judge and are willing to talk about socially taboo or unconventional topics, you create a sense of safety. People feel more comfortable revealing personal information or sensitive thoughts when they believe they won't be criticized or ridiculed.