Body Language: The Key to Your Subconscious | Ann Washburn | TEDxIdahoFalls

Summary

The speaker in the video script discusses the concept of subconscious programming, likening it to computer software updates. She explains that our subconscious can process vast amounts of information and is influenced by programs we've chosen since childhood, which can lead to undesirable outcomes in adulthood. To upgrade these programs, she suggests recognizing cognitive dissonance and aligning our body language with our desired self-image. Through personal anecdotes and demonstrations, she illustrates how changing body language, such as adopting a confident posture and embracing compliments, can lead to improved self-perception and better interactions with others, ultimately transforming one's life.

Takeaways

• 🤖 Our subconscious operates like computer software, processing information and running on programs established since childhood.
• 🔄 There's a metaphorical 'upgrade button' for subconscious programming, which can help improve life outcomes by changing these ingrained programs.
• 🤔 Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort felt when holding two conflicting beliefs, and it can be a catalyst for changing subconscious programming.
• 🗣️ Communication involves not just words but also tone and body language, with the latter often revealing subconscious messages.
• 🧠 The brain prefers to conserve energy, so it tends to stick with existing subconscious programs rather than adopt new ones.
• 💪 Adopting open and strong body language can send a message of confidence and power, influencing how others perceive and interact with us.
• 📉 Weak or closed body language, such as folded arms or a slouched posture, can communicate insecurity and submission.
• 🧍‍♂️ Changing body language, like standing with equal weight on both legs, can project a strong foundation and deter negative treatment from others.
• 🙅‍♀️ Many people unknowingly use 'push-away' body language, which can repel opportunities and positive interactions.
• 🙆‍♀️ Learning to graciously accept compliments, rather than deflecting them, can reprogram subconscious beliefs about self-worth.
• 👦 Teaching teenagers to adjust their body language, such as standing with a balanced stance, can improve their social experiences and peer relations.

Q & A

What is the main idea of the speaker's presentation?

The speaker discusses the concept of subconscious programming and how it affects our lives, emphasizing the importance of upgrading these internal programs through changes in body language and communication.

Why do we need to upgrade our subconscious programming?

We need to upgrade our subconscious programming because it processes vast amounts of information and influences our behavior and results in life. Running outdated or faulty programs can lead to negative outcomes.

What is cognitive dissonance and how does it relate to subconscious programming?

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term that describes the discomfort experienced when holding two conflicting beliefs or ideas. It relates to subconscious programming as it can be a signal that there is a conflict within our internal programs, indicating a need for an upgrade.

How does body language affect our subconscious programming?

Body language is a significant part of our subconscious programming. It can either reinforce or contradict the messages we send to others and ourselves. By changing our body language to be more open and confident, we can influence our subconscious to adopt new, more empowering programs.

What is the significance of the arm-folding exercise in the presentation?

The arm-folding exercise serves to demonstrate cognitive dissonance in action. It shows how changing a simple behavior can create discomfort, which is a sign that the subconscious is processing a new pattern of behavior that could lead to an upgrade in programming.

How does the speaker's past experience with feeling weak and argumentative with people relate to her message?

The speaker's personal experience is used as an example of how outdated subconscious programming can lead to negative interactions and feelings of being stuck. It illustrates the need for and the process of upgrading one's subconscious programming through awareness and behavioral changes.

What is the connection between body language and the messages we send to others?

Our body language sends non-verbal messages that can reinforce or contradict the words we speak. If our body language does not match our words, people are more likely to believe what they see rather than what they hear, as the subconscious is more attuned to non-verbal cues.

Why is it important to be aware of the messages we send with our body language?

Being aware of the messages we send with our body language is crucial because it can significantly impact how others perceive and interact with us. Aligning our body language with our intended message can lead to more positive and successful interactions.

How did the speaker change her body language to project strength and openness?

The speaker changed her body language by placing her hands at her sides instead of folding her arms, even when it felt uncomfortable. This conscious effort to adopt a more open and strong posture eventually led her subconscious to accept the new programming.

What does the study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology suggest about posture and self-perception?

The study suggests that people who maintain good posture rate themselves higher in self-evaluation compared to those with poor posture. This indicates that our physical posture can have a direct impact on our internal sense of self and confidence.

How can changing our response to compliments affect our subconscious programming?

Changing our response to compliments, such as accepting them graciously and internally, can reprogram our subconscious to be more receptive to positive feedback and opportunities, leading to an improved self-image and potentially better outcomes in life.

What advice did the speaker give to her teenage son to help him fit in at school?

The speaker advised her son to stand with his weight balanced on both legs instead of favoring one, as this would project a message of strength and stability. This simple change in body language helped him to improve his social interactions and feel more confident.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 The Subconscious Mind's Upgrade Button

The speaker, Li Chuanrong, introduces the concept of subconscious programming, drawing a parallel between how computers process information through software updates and how our subconscious mind operates with ingrained programs. These subconscious programs, established since childhood, can lead to undesirable outcomes in adulthood if not updated. The speaker suggests that cognitive dissonance, the discomfort experienced when holding conflicting beliefs, can be a catalyst for upgrading these subconscious programs. They also touch on the importance of aligning verbal communication with body language and tone to ensure effective and honest communication.

05:02

💪 Transforming Body Language for Inner Strength

The speaker shares her journey of self-improvement by understanding and changing her body language to project strength rather than weakness. She explains how closed, weak body language can be a subconscious signal of insecurity, and contrasts it with open, strong body language that communicates confidence. By observing successful individuals and mimicking their body language, particularly the placement of hands and posture, the speaker was able to influence her subconscious mind to adopt a new, empowering program. This change in body language led to noticeable shifts in how she felt and was perceived by others.

10:05

🙅‍♀️ Receiving Compliments: Altering Subconscious Responses

The speaker discusses the common tendency to push away compliments, which can be a subconscious rejection of positive affirmations. She identifies this behavior as a form of body language that may hinder personal growth and opportunities. To counteract this, she decided to change her response to compliments by 'scooping them up' and placing them in her heart, a gesture that signifies acceptance and gratitude. This conscious alteration in body language and response to compliments is presented as a method to reprogram one's subconscious mind to be more receptive to positivity.

15:05

🚶‍♂️ Teen's Body Language Shift Leads to Social Success

The speaker recounts a personal story where she applied her knowledge of body language to help her teenage son, who had been struggling with fitting in at a new school. By teaching him to stand with his weight evenly distributed on both legs, she aimed to convey a message of strength and stability. This simple change in stance was intended to influence not only how others perceived him but also how he felt about himself. The outcome was positive, as her son reported an improvement in his social interactions and overall school experience, highlighting the power of subconscious programming and body language in shaping one's reality.

Keywords

💡Subconscious

The subconscious is the part of our mind that operates automatically and outside of our conscious awareness, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and actions without us being aware of it. In the video's theme, it is likened to computer programs that process information and affect our behaviors and results in life. The speaker suggests that our subconscious is running on 'programs' established since childhood, which may lead to undesirable outcomes in adulthood unless updated.

💡Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term referring to the mental discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. In the script, the speaker uses the example of folding arms in an unfamiliar way to demonstrate this discomfort, illustrating how changing our subconscious 'programming' can create cognitive dissonance, which in turn can prompt an upgrade in our mental and behavioral patterns.

💡Body Language

Body language refers to the non-verbal cues, gestures, and movements we make that can communicate messages, attitudes, and emotions. The video emphasizes the importance of body language in communication and how it can contradict or reinforce the words we speak. The speaker shares personal experiences and advice on using open and strong body language to project confidence and change subconscious programming.

💡Communication

Communication is the process of exchanging information, ideas, or messages in various forms between individuals. The video script highlights three main components of communication: the words we speak, the tone of those words, and our body language. It underscores how these elements work together and how misalignment can lead to misunderstandings or ineffective communication.

💡Posture

Posture refers to the position or carriage of the body, particularly when standing or sitting. The speaker in the video discusses the impact of good posture on self-perception and how it can influence others' perceptions of us. An example given is that slumped posture can communicate tiredness or depression, whereas upright posture can convey empowerment and alertness.

💡Programs

In the context of the video, 'programs' are the mental patterns or schemas that the subconscious follows, much like software programs on a computer. These programs are established over time and can dictate our reactions and behaviors. The speaker suggests that recognizing and changing these programs can lead to improved outcomes in life.

💡Upgrade

An 'upgrade' in the video script metaphorically refers to the process of improving or enhancing our subconscious programming, similar to updating software on a computer. The speaker advocates for self-awareness and intentional changes in behavior and mindset as a means to 'upgrade' and achieve better results in life.

💡Push-Away Body Language

Push-away body language is a non-verbal communication style characterized by gestures that suggest rejection or avoidance, such as brushing off a compliment. The video discusses how this type of body language can hinder personal and professional growth by signaling unavailability or unwillingness to accept positive interactions or opportunities.

💡Self-Evaluation

Self-evaluation is the process of assessing one's own abilities, qualities, or performance. The script cites a study from the European Journal of Social Psychology, which found that people who maintained good posture while completing a self-evaluation rated themselves more positively. This highlights the connection between physical posture and internal self-perception.

💡Empathy

Empathy, while not explicitly mentioned in the script, is a crucial concept related to understanding and responding to the feelings of others. The speaker's approach to helping her son with his body language at school demonstrates empathy, as she identifies with his struggles and provides guidance to improve his social interactions.

💡Foundation

In the context of body language discussed in the video, 'foundation' refers to the balanced distribution of one's weight over both legs, which communicates stability and strength. The speaker advises her son to change his stance from favoring one leg to standing with equal weight on both legs to project a stronger and more confident image.

Highlights

The concept of a subconscious 'upgrade button' for personal programming is introduced.

The subconscious processes up to 40 million pieces of information per second.

Childhood programming can affect adult life, leading to 'messy results'.

The feeling of cognitive dissonance is likened to the discomfort of conflicting subconscious programs.

Communication involves words, tone, and body language, with the subconscious influencing body language.

The brain prefers to conserve energy by maintaining current subconscious programs.

Personal story of feeling argumentative and isolated, leading to a desire for change.

The study of communication and body language as a means to change personal interaction.

Weak and strong body language positions and their psychological impact.

Observation of successful people's body language as a model for change.

The practice of placing hands at sides to project strength and openness.

The internal conflict and resolution process of adopting new subconscious programs.

The physical sensation of gravity's impact on body language and mood.

2009 study linking good posture to higher self-evaluation.

The prevalence of 'push-away' body language and its negative effects.

Changing reactions to compliments to foster a more positive subconscious.

A teenager's experience with body language affecting social dynamics at school.

The simple act of changing leg positioning to project strength and balance.

The teenager's transformation in social acceptance and personal results.

The call to action for upgrading one's subconscious programming through body language.

Transcripts

Translator: Li Chuanrong Reviewer: Denise RQ

Have you ever had one of those buttons pop up on your computer screen that says,

"Software update available. Do you want to install it now?"

Our computers use programs to process vast amounts of information,

and programmers know that if we are running faulty programs,

we get faulty results,

and this is why we have the upgrade process for our computers.

It turns out your subconscious works much the same way.

In fact, our subconscious will process up to 40 million pieces of information

every single second.

And in order to process those huge amounts of information,

our subconscious chooses programs.

The thing is we've been choosing those programs since we were a child,

and now as an adult,

we may still be running the same programs and getting messy results in our life.

So who wants an upgrade button for their subconscious programming?

I have figured out how to access mine, and that's what I want to share with you.

I want you to play with me here for a minute.

Everybody, fold your arms.

Good, now look down and see which arm is on top.

OK, unfold them, now fold them back with the other arm on top.

How does that feel?

It's awkward, it's uncomfortable.

This person over here is like, "Arms do not do that."

(Laughter)

But what you're feeling there,

in science, they have a term called cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance states we can not hold

onto two conflicting ideas without discomfort.

Our brain can not hold

onto two conflicting ideas without discomfort.

You can all unfold your arms now.

I don't want you to fold your arms the whole time,

but what you felt there was the feeling of a conflicting program.

So cognitive dissonance is one of the parts that gives us

an opportunity to upgrade our subconscious programming.

And here's the other part:

when it comes to communication,

there are three main parts to our communication.

There's the words that we speak,

and then there's the tone of those words.

Have you ever gotten in trouble for your tone of voice?

Yeah, it has messages with it.

The third part is our gestures or our body language.

So when we don't know

what messages we are sending with our body language,

and they don't match the words we speak,

people will discount the words they hear to believe the gestures they see

because our subconscious understands the difference between those two messages.

But and how can our brains send out two different messages at the same time?

It's because your subconscious

is what runs the majority of your body language,

and remember, our subconscious is working on programs.

Our subconscious or our whole brain is inherently out to conserve energy.

Our brain wants to conserve energy

and knows that it's easier

to maintain the current programs than to adopt a new one.

So, when we put these two ideas together,

we now have access to this update for our subconscious programming.

Let me explain by telling you where I was in my life not too long ago.

In fact, it was only about six years ago

that I was at a place where, let's just say, it was very hard.

I tried to interact with people,

and I found people to be very argumentative,

to be unpredictable, to be hard to be around.

It was just not fun,

and I decided that everybody on this planet is just mean;

it's just the way it was.

In fact, I got to where I would send my kids to school in the morning,

and then I would hide inside the house,

and I wouldn't answer the door, and I wouldn't answer the phone,

because no matter how hard I had tried,

the results I was getting were not matching the effort

I was putting forth to interact with people,

and I felt stuck.

So this is where I was, and I saw people having opportunities,

but I couldn't seem to catch one for myself.

So even though in my life,

I had worked as an engineer in flight simulation and explosives,

this is the point in my life

where I changed and started studying communication and body language.

As I learned these two parts that I just told you,

I started to recognize they would give me a choice

to change the way I interact with people.

I began to put it into practice because I wanted to understand

why some people could figure these things out, but I wasn't.

So let me teach you a little bit about body language

so you can understand what's going on here.

When somebody feels weak, if I feel weak,

I will use weak, closed body language -

my shoulders will come down,

I'll fold my arms, I'll look down,

maybe even my weight goes on one leg,

because I feel weak.

But by contrast, when somebody feels strong,

their body language opens up.

They might put their arms down to their side,

their shoulders go up, their chin goes up, they'll smile,

their weight goes on both legs.

Now remember, in my life, at this time,

I felt weak, but I wanted to be strong,

and so I decided I was going to figure this out.

I looked around me at people who were successful.

I looked at celebrities, I looked at business owners,

I looked at people around me in relationships,

who were having very strong, powerful relationships,

and I realized these successful people

were not behaving exactly the same as me.

So, here's how it looked for me.

Since I felt weak, and I was afraid of the people I was interacting with,

I very often folded my arms.

I kept my arms folded a lot,

and if anybody had asked me why,

I'd tell them,

"Because I have nowhere else to put my hands when I'm not using them.

I don't want them just hanging out here. I'm going to fold my arms."

But when I watched these successful people,

the majority of the time when they were using their hands,

they'd put them down to their sides.

So I decided I was going to try it.

And if you could have been in my brain at the time,

it would have been very entertaining because as I walked around,

I had this dissonance going on inside of my head

because my old program was saying, "People are unsafe."

But I was choosing to send a message

that I felt strong, comfortable, and open around people.

So I said, "My hands will go here when I'm not using them."

That doesn't mean I walked around like this -

that would be very weird -

but it does mean that when I wasn't using them,

I put them away here.

But then my subconscious would say, "It's more comfortable to fold your arms,"

and I'd say, "No, I want my arms here."

"Fold them", "Here", "Fold them," "Here", "Fold them," "Here." -

that's what it felt like in my head.

But after a little while, my subconscious decided, "You know what?

It’s going to be easier

to just adopt the new program and not keep arguing with her."

And I began to feel differently.

People around me started to notice.

You can feel this with me right now.

Some of you may have heard of this scientific term, it's called gravity.

You heard of that one?

It pulls down on us really well,

and during the day, it likes

to pull down on our shoulders and pull down on our chin.

So, everybody, let your shoulders come down and your chin come down.

How does that feel?

People tell me it feels tired, it feels burdened, it feels depressed.

But now, instead,

pull your shoulders back up and pull your chin just above level.

How does that feel?

It feels empowered, like, "I am awake, I can do it."

You've just felt the difference in changing or choosing a new program.

In fact, in 2009, there was a study that was published

in the European Journal of Social Psychology,

and in there, what they had done

was they asked people to fill out a self evaluation,

and they did the self evaluation

either in a slumped stance or in good posture.

The people who had good posture

rated themselves higher on their self evaluation.

It turns out your grandma was right, because she was pretty smart,

she kept telling us to sit up straight.

But that is an opportunity to feel different on the inside of us.

So that's one of the things I did to start changing my programming.

May I share two more with you?

What I noticed about me -

actually, let's talk about you for a minute.

When it comes to body language -

I watch body language everywhere I go, and I've worked with thousands of people -

what I found is the majority of people will use a lot of push-away body language.

They push away,

and then they wonder why they are not getting job promotions,

or raises, or opportunities, or relationships in their life.

But they're pushing things away.

In fact, the fastest way to see somebody use push-away body language

is give them a compliment.

When you give somebody a compliment, how do they respond?

"Thank you."

And they throw the compliment away, or they'll explain it away.

I love it, I do little tests all the time.

I'll give people a compliment then I watch their body language after the compliment.

And often, people suddenly have to brush off their pants

when they get a compliment,

or they brush their shoulder.

Or my favorite was: once I gave a lady a compliment, and she said, "Ohh, thanks."

(Laughter)

And I'm like, "So, that was a disgusting booger

you had to flick off your finger."

When we have compliments coming to us,

if we can't receive a compliment,

how are we going to receive other things coming to us?

So I recognized this

and decided I wanted to access this program that was inside of me,

whatever it was.

And I realized the easiest way to do this

would be to change how I reacted to a compliment.

So, now instead of pushing compliments away,

I decided when somebody gave me a compliment,

I would scoop it up in front of me and place it gently in my heart.

So I would just go like this

while using the magic words, "Thank you."

Have you heard these words? They're good.

So try it with me, "Thank you."

Oh, do it again, that's fun.

"Thank you."

Notice how a lot of your mouths, the corners of your mouth,

went up when you did that

because you felt the difference.

You felt the difference.

So when you use this body language,

It's changing the program in your subconscious.

As I was doing this in my life,

people started to notice the difference in me.

One of the people to notice the difference was my teenage son.

Because at this point in my life, he was 13 years old,

and we had been moving around quite a bit,

so he had gone to four different junior highs.

Anybody ever been the junior high? Crazy place junior high.

And he'd been to four of them.

So he comes home one day

after the first day in his fourth junior high.

Now I need a volunteer.

Oh, awesome! Would you come up and be my volunteer?

So he'd just gone his first day on the fourth junior high.

What I'm wanting from you

is I need really great teenage boy body language.

Can you do that for me? Oh, nice.

There you go. Yeah, get that phone out there.

Let's put that away for just a second, but fold your arms for me.

And just freeze, but turn this way so that everybody can see you.

Has anybody ever seen a teenager before? That's pretty good body language.

(Laughter)

Yeap, exactly.

So here's my teenager, and he's standing like this, and he goes,

"Ugh! Mom, tell me why the kids keep picking on me?"

And I'm like, "Oh! Alright. I'll tell you, I'll help you with that."

And he's like, "Is it body language?"

And I said, "Yes, dear, that's what I do."

And he goes, "Ugh, fine. Tell me then."

I knew that with that attitude,

I had time to only share one piece of body language with him.

And I wanted to share something that would send a different message out

but also send a different message to his subconscious.

And so I chose legs.

I asked him, I said, "At school,

do you stand with your weight on one leg like this?

And he goes, "Yeah, mom, we all do. Duh!"

And I'm like, "Well, Mr. Attitude.

Did you know when you stand with your weight like this,

it sends a weak message, it sends a message that you feel weak,

that you could be easily knocked off balance."

So, I said, " Instead, if you'll come put your weight on both legs,

when you're at your locker or up in front of the class,

now this will send the message that you're strong in your foundation,

and people will treat you differently."

He rolled his eyes, and he was like, "Sure, mom."

So thank you. Thank you for being my volunteer.

(Applause)

So I waited, and I thought, "Well, we'll just see what happens."

It wasn't maybe until two weeks later that he comes home,

and he walks in the house, when he saw me,

I could tell he had something he wasn't quite ready to share with me yet

so I just waited patiently.

And he comes over, he stands next to me, and he goes, "Mom, it works,"

and he ran out of the room.

(Laughter)

But he tried it.

At the end of that school year, I gave him the option to change schools again,

and he said, "No, mom.

I have more friends and better results at this school

than in any of the schools I've been to."

And the only thing I taught him was legs.

But that teaching him of that helped him access programs in his subconscious.

So it turns out

that you have an update available for your subconscious programming.

The question is are you going to install it now?

Change your body language,

and change your results.

(Applause)