How to Overcome Indecision | Nuala Walsh | TEDxUniversityofSalford

Summary

The video script narrates the parable of a 14th-century donkey that dies from indecision, mirroring the dilemmas faced by individuals in the 21st century. The speaker, a behavioral scientist with 30 years of experience, delves into the reasons behind indecision and offers three science-based techniques to overcome it. The essence lies in reframing one's perspective on the decision-making process: by making the decision seem smaller (proportional frame), by considering the long-term implications (temporal frame), and by positively framing the decision despite its difficulty (emotional frame). The script emphasizes that indecision stems from a fear of making the wrong choice and a desire for certainty. It concludes with the 'probability test', a method to evaluate the worst-case scenario, its likelihood, and one's response to it, thereby providing a pathway to making decisions with confidence.

Takeaways

• 📚 The parable of the indecisive donkey from the 14th century serves as a metaphor for modern-day indecision, where the fear of making a wrong choice can lead to inaction and missed opportunities.
• 🔍 Indecision is common across all ages and backgrounds, affecting individuals regardless of their wealth or status, and is often driven by a fear of making the wrong choice and a desire for certainty.
• 🧠 Behavioral scientists have studied decision-making extensively, but few focus on how to make any decision when feeling mentally stuck, rather than just better or smarter decisions.
• 🤔 The nature of indecision is explored, showing that it's not just complex decisions that cause us to hesitate, but also everyday choices like what to wear or watch.
• 🔢 It's estimated that we make around 35,000 decisions daily, with 95% of them being made unconsciously, highlighting the weight of expectation we place on ourselves and others.
• 🌐 The fear of making a wrong decision is universal, and it can have serious financial, ethical, or social consequences if we avoid making decisions altogether.
• 🛑 Reasons for indecision can vary widely, from not having a strong preference to feeling overwhelmed by choices or time pressures, and even personality traits like wanting to keep everyone happy.
• 🔄 Reframing is a psychological technique that can help overcome indecision by changing our perception of a situation, making it seem smaller, sooner, or easier.
• 🌟 The 'proportional frame' suggests breaking down a big decision into smaller parts to make it more manageable, while the 'temporal frame' encourages considering how a decision will feel in the future to overcome short-term thinking.
• 💡 The 'emotional frame' involves positively framing decisions to reduce fear and increase the sense of control and confidence in making choices.
• 📈 Techniques such as the probability test, which involves asking what the worst outcome is, its likelihood, and what one would do if it occurred, can help individuals navigate through indecision by applying the principles of reverse framing.

Q & A

What is the parable of the 14th century donkey and how does it relate to indecision?

The parable tells of a donkey that finds both hay and water but can't decide which to consume first, leading to its death from indecision. It relates to human indecision by illustrating how the inability to make a choice can lead to negative consequences.

What is the speaker's professional background in relation to the topic of decision making?

The speaker is a behavioral scientist with 30 years of experience in corporate life, having studied various books and articles on decision making.

What is the main focus of most books and articles on decision making?

Most books and articles focus on how to make a better or smarter decision, but very few address how to make any decision when feeling mentally stuck.

Why is understanding the nature of indecision important according to the speaker?

Understanding the nature of indecision is important because it helps individuals navigate their way out of the mental maze and make decisions more effectively.

How many decisions do people make on average per day, and what percentage of them are made unconsciously?

People make at least 35,000 decisions every day, with 95% of them being made unconsciously.

What are the three inner voices that determine how long one stays in the maze of indecision?

The three inner voices are the thoughts that the decision is too big to handle, too far in the future to deal with now, or too hard and not wanting to deal with it.

What is the concept of reframing and how does it apply to overcoming indecision?

Reframing is a psychological technique where one changes their perception of a situation. In the context of indecision, it involves consciously altering one's perspective on the dilemma to make it seem smaller, sooner, and easier, thus facilitating decision-making.

Can you explain the 'Proportional Frame' technique mentioned in the script?

The 'Proportional Frame' technique involves taking a large decision and making it feel smaller. This can be done by focusing on fewer factors, deconstructing the problem, or sharing the decision-making process with others.

What is the 'Temporal Frame' and how does it help with decision-making?

The 'Temporal Frame' is about shifting one's thinking from the present to the future. It involves asking how a decision will feel in two weeks, months, or years, and visualizing one's future self to make a decision in the present.

What is the 'Emotion Frame' and how does it relate to decision-making?

The 'Emotion Frame' deals with the fear and emotional aspects of decision-making. It involves positively framing the decision to reduce the sense of fear, finality, and foreboding associated with making a choice.

What is the 'Probability Test' technique and how does it work?

The 'Probability Test' is a three-step technique where one asks: What's the worst that could happen if I make this decision? What is the likelihood of this happening? And if it happens, what will I do about it? This helps to visualize the worst-case scenario, assess the probability, and plan a response, making the decision easier.

How does the speaker suggest redefining indecision to make better decisions?

The speaker suggests viewing indecision not as a paralyzing problem but as an opportunity to gain a broader perspective. This reframing can lead to making better, smarter decisions.

Outlines

00:00

🐴 The Parable of the Indecision Donkey

The video script begins with a 14th-century parable about a donkey that can't decide between hay and water, ultimately leading to its demise. This tale serves as a metaphor for modern-day indecision, where individuals often become paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake and the desire for certainty. The speaker, a behavioral scientist with 30 years of experience, introduces the concept that understanding the root of indecision can help overcome it. The script highlights that indecision affects everyone differently and is often driven by a fear of making the wrong choice. It also emphasizes the societal expectations and pressures to make confident and decisive choices, especially in leadership roles.

05:01

🔍 Understanding Indecision and Reframing Techniques

The speaker delves into the nature of indecision, noting that it's not just complex decisions that cause people to hesitate but also simple everyday choices. The script points out that indecision is a universal human experience, driven by anxiety and the fear of making a wrong decision. The speaker introduces three science-based techniques to overcome indecision: reframing the problem, focusing on the future, and changing one's emotional perspective. The first technique, reframing, is a psychological method to alter one's perception of a situation, which can help in gaining perspective and moving forward.

10:02

🎯 Reframing to Overcome Indecision

The script discusses the concept of reframing in more detail, explaining how it can be used to make decisions seem smaller, sooner, and easier. The speaker provides examples, such as breaking down a large decision into smaller components or changing the way we think about time to make future rewards seem more immediate. The speaker also talks about the power of visualization, suggesting that by picturing oneself in the future, one can make decisions in the present with a longer-term perspective. This approach has been tested and found effective in various fields, from personal finance to health behaviors.

15:03

🛡 Positive Framing and the Probability Test

The final paragraph explores the third aspect of reframing: changing one's emotional perspective towards a decision. The speaker suggests that by positively framing decisions and expanding the range of options, individuals can reduce fear and make more confident choices. The script also introduces the 'probability test,' a three-question technique to help assess the worst-case scenario, its likelihood, and one's response to it. This test is designed to shrink the perceived magnitude of a decision, increase optionality, and foster a more positive outlook. The speaker concludes by encouraging viewers to see indecision not as a problem but as an opportunity to gain a broader perspective, ultimately leading to better and smarter decisions.

Keywords

💡Indecision

Indecision refers to the inability to make a decision or choose between alternatives. It is central to the video's theme, illustrating the paralyzing effect it can have on individuals when faced with choices. The script uses the metaphor of a 'hungry and thirsty donkey' that cannot decide between water and hay, ultimately leading to its demise, to symbolize the consequences of chronic indecision.

💡Decision Making

Decision making is the cognitive process of selecting a course of action from multiple alternatives. The video emphasizes the importance of making decisions, even when they seem difficult or when one feels stuck. It suggests that by reframing how one thinks about indecision, one can become a 'confident decision ninja,' highlighting the empowerment that comes from overcoming indecision.

💡Reframing

Reframing is a psychological technique where one's perception of a situation is altered to change its emotional response or meaning. In the context of the video, reframing is presented as a powerful tool to overcome indecision by shifting one's perspective on the decision at hand, making it seem more manageable and less daunting.

💡Proportional Frame

The proportional frame is a reframing technique where a large or complex decision is made to feel smaller or less overwhelming. The video gives an example of how focusing on the top three factors instead of an exhaustive list can simplify the decision-making process, thus reducing the sense of indecision.

💡Temporal Frame

The temporal frame involves adjusting one's perspective on the timing of a decision's consequences. The video discusses how people often procrastinate because they perceive rewards as being too far in the future. By asking how a decision will feel in two weeks, months, or years, one can bring their future self into the present, aiding decision making.

💡Emotion

Emotion plays a significant role in decision making and in the video's discussion on indecision. Fear, anxiety, and the desire for certainty are emotions that can lead to indecision. The script suggests that by positively framing decisions and focusing on emotions like hope, one can move past the paralysis of indecision.

💡Positive Psychology

Positive psychology is the scientific study of positive human functioning, aiming to promote happiness and well-being. The video references the work of Martin Seligman, a prominent figure in positive psychology, to emphasize the importance of self-narratives in overcoming indecision and making decisions that lead to positive outcomes.

💡Behavioral Science

Behavioral science is an interdisciplinary field that studies human behavior and decision making. The speaker, a behavioral scientist, uses their expertise to dissect indecision and offer science-based techniques to help viewers make decisions more effectively.

💡Mental Maze

The term 'mental maze' is used metaphorically in the video to describe the complex and confusing state of mind one experiences when faced with indecision. It suggests that understanding the reasons behind this state can help individuals navigate their way out of the maze and make decisions.

💡Probability Test

The probability test is a personal technique shared by the speaker to help with decision making. It involves asking three questions to evaluate the worst-case scenario, its likelihood, and one's response to it. This test encapsulates the video's message of reframing by encouraging a more rational and less emotionally charged approach to indecision.

Highlights

A 14th-century parable of an indecisive donkey serves as a metaphor for modern decision-making paralysis.

Behavioral scientist with 30 years of experience discusses overcoming indecision through perspective changes.

Indecision can be caused by fear of making wrong decisions and the craving for certainty.

People make at least 35,000 decisions daily, with 95% made unconsciously.

Expectations from others can add pressure to the decision-making process.

Indecision can lead to negative consequences, including financial, ethical, and social impacts.

Understanding the reasons behind indecision can help navigate a way out of the mental maze.

Three inner voices often determine how long one stays in a state of indecision.

Reframe is a psychological technique to change perception of a situation.

The 'proportional frame' involves making a big decision feel smaller to simplify the process.

The 'temporal frame' shifts thinking from short-term to long-term consequences.

Visualization techniques can help in making decisions by considering future outcomes.

Positive framing of decisions can reduce fear and increase the sense of control.

The 'probability test' is a personal technique to evaluate decisions by considering worst-case scenarios and responses.

Indecision can be reframed as an opportunity to gain a broader perspective and make better decisions.

The final message is that anyone can overcome indecision by understanding its roots and using reverse framing.

Transcripts

[Music]

a 14th century parable tells the story

of a really hungry and thirsty donkey

that stumbles across a bucket of hay and

some water

bewildered the donkey stares at both and

can't quite decide which to have first

the water or the hay time passes the

donkey still can't decide

eventually the poor donkey dies from

chronic thirst and starvation

or is it actually from chronic

indecision

fast forward to the 21st century and how

many of us sometimes feel like that

indecision donkey we make a big deal out

of something small we don't think about

the future consequences of our actions

and we become paralyzed at the thought

of making a mistake

well as a behavioral scientist with 30

years in corporate life

i've studied many different books and

articles on decision making

most of them will tell you how to make a

better or a smarter decision

very few will tell you how to make a

decision

any decision when you're feeling

mentally stuck

but what if by simply understanding why

you can't make a decision you can learn

to overcome indecision

well anyone can become a confident

decision ninja by changing their

perspective by reframing how they think

about that particular

indecision

and all you need is three simple

science-based

techniques but first let's look at the

nature of indecision itself

nearly six billion google searches tell

us it's not necessarily the most complex

of decisions that baffle us it can be

what to wear what to watch on netflix

just as much as it can be whether to

speak up against wrongdoing whether to

change your job change your partner or

start a new business

it's different for everyone young or old

rich or poor

my 82 year old mother finds things more

difficult than i do and sometimes vice

versa but what is absolutely consistent

across humankind

is that crippling

fear of anxiety and making the wrong

mistake and that craving for certainty

everybody feels this at some stage in

fact some of you may feel it now raise

your hand if you're currently grappling

with the decision of any kind

oh

i see quite a few a pocket of indecision

about indecision over there perhaps well

hold that hold that idea and that

decision in in your mind

it's understandable that this can feel

overwhelming because at the end of the

day there's a weight of expectation that

you place upon yourself

after all scientists say that you make

at least 35 000 decisions every day 95

of those are made unconsciously and then

there's also the weight of expectation

that other people have about you as a

parent or as an expert in your field

people expect you to have the answer to

everything

and in business it's often the most

confident and decisive leaders that get

recruited rewarded and recognized

as consumers we pay billions every year

for expert judgment and advice

it may feel safer

to be indecisive and not make a call but

it really does carry consequences

whether it's financial ethical or social

but the good news is that once you

understand

why you get into this mental maze of

indecision

it's easier to navigate a way out and it

could be any host of different reasons

you may simply not have a strong

preference for rome or paris on your

holiday or to hire betty or benny

you may feel that you've got too much

choice or it's worth too little choice

you may have so much time that you're

languishing or so much time that you

know that you're just panicking

you may feel under pressure

you feel morally conflicted you feel

everybody's watching you all of these

reasons affect your ability to

prioritize

and then there's personality you're a

nice person you want to keep everybody

happy and we all know how that story

ends

and many people are proud they want to

make it the perfect decision

and equally that causes just as many

issues

sometimes like the indecision donkey

you are convinced that only one answer

either the water or the hay

is the perfect answer

and so when you're in this mental maze

of indecision what determines how long

you stay there is actually three inner

voices

the thought that this decision of mine

it's just too big i can't deal with it

or it's just so far in the future i

don't have to deal with it or even it's

just too hard i don't want to or i'm not

going to

so what do you do

some people might say walk the dog sleep

on it use your intuition phone a friend

but science will point to something else

something more effective

reframing

so what is reframing reframe is

something that you do unconsciously all

the time without even thinking about it

it is a psychological technique where

you change your perception of a

particular situation

for example a problem is often reframed

as a as a challenge a challenge could be

reframed as an opportunity

in your youth

a drunken text might even have been

reframed as a learning experience there

are many of these reframes that people

do all the time and the logic is pretty

clear

if you turn something upside down inside

out and look at it differently you gain

perspective you gain a distance from the

particular situation and hence an

opportunity to move forward

and in exactly the same way if you take

these unconscious ideas that your

dilemma is too big it's too far it's too

hard and you consciously

make yourself feel that it's smaller

sooner

and easier you will find a way through

than this maze so let's take the first

of these

the idea that it's too big

what i call the proportional frame

now my niece is overworked and underpaid

it's her first job

and she has completely magnified out of

all proportion this will i go or will i

stay decision

so much so that she's avoiding the

decision altogether and sitting on the

fence

now i understand it i really do

in my career i had a job offer and i

deliberated delayed

so long that they actually rescinded the

offer and took it back

this is not a good place to be so how

can you adopt this way of thinking well

you reverse the thought so you take

something that's big and you make it

feel smaller just like anyone would do

with any large

you know project you in effect you

mentally shrink the decision

so my ninja niece deconstructs the

problem instead of thinking of the top

10 or 20 most important factors for

consideration just look at the top three

and then critique that idealized

outcome maybe this job isn't so perfect

after all

less autonomy longer commute

and by deliberately finding the

imperfections in something you reduce

the consequentiality and the magnitude

of it in your mind making it easier to

deal with

and then of course a decision shared is

always a decision shrunk

this shrinking strategy works for all

kinds of decisions

in 1969 nafa put man on the moon

that was a huge decision

or was it the astronauts will actually

tell you that it was a series of

thousands of micro moments of indecision

that eventually became decisions

and right across industry we also see

this researchers from ucla and cornell

tested the effect of reframing on

savings in decision

is it really possible that say that

telling a consumer to save five dollars

a day rather than 150 dollars a month

which is of course the exact same thing

that really make a difference to

people's behavior

well it did by a factor of four

four times as many consumers enrolled in

this particular savings program

why

because it's easier to think small about

big decisions

and it's easier to think about days

rather than months

and when thinking about days

even though it might be easier

it's not necessarily better

which leads us to the temporal frame

and again this idea that the rewards are

so far in the future there's just too

much for today's sacrifice

we all know we ought to save for

retirement scroll less smoke less

network more and protect the planet

but we are short-term present oriented

impatient people

we want everything now we live in a

culture of now

instant feedback

instant wealth instant weight loss

and so we procrastinate i'll solve that

problem tomorrow i'll think about it

tomorrow

the only problem with that is of course

that everyone's thinking about tomorrow

tomorrow's the busiest day of the year

and it never gets done and you stay

longer in that in that maze

so how do we shift this thinking this

reverse framing

well first of all remember that idea

that you have that dilemma

think about it and ask yourself

how will this decision feel in two weeks

two months two years or two decades

that's quite hard

but it starts to shift you thinking and

getting out of the present mode

scientists will say to make it easier

visualize yourself

two weeks two months two years two

decades ahead

and when you do that what you're

actually doing is you're bringing your

future self back to today so you can

make the decision in the moment

and again scientists have tested this

you know with virtual reality avatars

age progressed photos

and what they have found that it does

impact behavior

and that people have indicated an

intention to eat less cheat less

smoke less and save more

and we see this we see this in sports

professional golfers use the

visualization technique when they're

facing a tricky shot

and they teach it in

clinics and in hospitals

therapists use it with patients

undergoing rehabilitation programs when

they're struggling to see their future

selves

and organizations can use it with this

very difficult will i speak up or

bystand decision

in my own experimental research i found

that 92 of employees indicated a

willingness to speak up

but when it came to it only 99

took the first step

companies make a mistake they often make

big appeals to corporate culture

corporate culture is a long-term process

we are of course short-term

present-oriented impatient people

they are better off trying to trigger

employees in the moment to solve a

problem today so that they visualize

themselves

helping a colleague or their company in

the moment

rather than procrastinating

all of this is underpinned by emotion

which is of course the third uh frame

this idea that it's too hard

that idea that you're thinking of maybe

the consequences you feel are too final

maybe you feel they're irreversible

and that the stakes are too high

and you fear this regret humiliation and

shame of making a mistake

i see this everywhere from

ceos

right across the spectrum

you see people

burying their heads in the sand like the

proverbial ostrich afraid to make a

decision

not making a strategic decision or a

merger decision or an investment

decision

so how do we reverse the frame how do we

make something hard easier

how do we

make ourselves feel more comfortable

making what we perceive as a risky

decision

well we positively frame the decision

and let's be very clear a negative

decision will never be positive

a redundancy or an end of life care

decision will never be positive this is

about changing your perception of that

particular decision

so

let's look to one of google's most

popular searches

which is will i break up with my partner

and even the framing

of that question feels quite binary

break up or don't break up

and that can be a mistake so rather than

looking at things in a binary way either

or

expand optionality

think about all the alternatives that

you may have

now simon garfunkel will have you

believe that there are 50 ways to leave

your lover i'm not recommending that i

suggest perhaps two or three and even

before you get to this this point you

know you can take a take a holiday see a

therapist have a trial separation of an

open marriage there are plenty of

options to consider

and but the point of doing this and

having more options is that you reduce

the sense of fear finality and

foreboding when you're afraid to make

that particular decision

and then think about the stories that

you're telling yourself

if you choose to tell yourself

that ninety percent of people who break

up end up it was in abject misery rather

than having a shot at the fairy tale

happy ever after ending it's predictable

whether you'll procrastinate and keep

your head in the sand

all of this is rooted in the work of

martin seligman's positive psychology

self-narratives and also daniel

kahneman's gain framing and nowhere did

the world see more powerfully the effect

of positive framing than during covet

governments regulators medical

practitioners all over the world

encourage citizens to wear masks with a

simple appeal

masks save lives

it was an appeal to hope

to emotion and to protecting family

and in many cases it worked it shifted

people out of indecision

now if you're still head scratching with

that dilemma of yours and thinking i'm

still not sure what i'm going to do

about it i'd like to share with you my

own technique that always works for me

and i call it the probability test

and it's three very simple questions

and the questions are if i want if i

make this decision what's the worst

thing that will happen

and then i ask what is the likelihood of

this happening

and if that happens what will i do about

it

and the reason that i think that this

works is because

it replays the three frames

i've already visualized the worst case

scenario and thought about it now

i've gone there and i've concluded that

the chance of disaster is probably

unlikely so i've shrunk the probability

in my mind of this big decision

and because i've created some

optionality and choice around what i

would do

i feel more positive about it i feel

more confident and able to move forward

and therefore i've actually just made it

easier

at the end of the day

this is all about perspective

a perspective can be changed

anybody

can get out of this

maze of mental indecision

by understanding why you get in there in

the first place

and by using these principles of reverse

framing and it can be done in seconds

indecision is just a transitory phase

think back of all the decisions you've

made in your life

your 20s your 30s your 40s and i'm

stopping there

and most of them worked out pretty well

so the final reframe is out of

indecision itself

if you choose to change

the idea that indecision is a paralyzing

problem

and look at it as an opportunity

to gain a broader perspective

you really will

make not just a decision

but a better decision

and a smarter decision

thank you very much

you