Communication In Relationships: 7 Keys To Effective Communication

Summary

In this insightful video, Stephan Labossiere, aka Stephan Speaks, discusses the vital role of communication in relationships, offering seven keys to improve it. He emphasizes the importance of listening to understand rather than to rebut, acknowledging feelings without dismissal, being open and honest, not making conversations solely about oneself, being willing to compromise, paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues, and adopting a loving and positive approach in communication. These strategies aim to foster healthier and more successful relationships by promoting open dialogue and mutual understanding.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Effective communication is essential for healthy and successful relationships.
• 👂 Listening to understand, rather than to rebut, is crucial for meaningful dialogue.
• 🙅‍♂️ Disagreeing is okay, but dismissal of the other person's feelings or opinions can be harmful.
• 🤝 Acknowledging the other person's perspective, even when disagreeing, fosters open communication.
• 🚫 Honesty and transparency are vital; one lie can ruin a relationship.
• 💬 Avoid making conversations solely about oneself; include and consider the other person's feelings and opinions.
• 🔄 Being willing to compromise is key to finding harmony in a relationship.
• 👀 Paying attention to both verbal communication and body language provides a fuller understanding of the other person's message.
• 🤗 Approaching conversations with a loving and positive attitude encourages better outcomes.
• 💡 Cultivating good communication skills together as a couple leads to healthier and more successful relationships.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video by Stephan Labossiere?

The main topic of the video is communication skills in relationships, focusing on 7 keys to improve communication.

Why is effective communication important in a relationship according to the video?

Effective communication is important because without it, it's extremely difficult to have a healthy and successful relationship. Miscommunication can lead to failed relationships.

What is the first key to improving communication in a relationship as mentioned by Stephan?

The first key is to listen to understand, not to give a rebuttal. This means actively trying to comprehend the speaker's point rather than just waiting for a chance to respond.

What should one do if they do not understand what the speaker is saying?

If one does not understand, they should ask for more clarity and pose questions to dig deeper, rather than attacking or dismissing the speaker.

How does dismissing someone's feelings or opinions affect a relationship?

Dismissing someone's feelings or opinions can make the person feel disrespected, leading to defensiveness, attacks, and a shift into battle mode, which hinders effective communication.

What is the second key to improving communication in relationships as suggested by Stephan?

The second key is to disagree without dismissal. It's important to acknowledge the other person's perception and feelings while respectfully presenting your own side.

Why is being open and honest crucial in a relationship?

Being open and honest is crucial because a single lie or lack of transparency can ruin a relationship, creating confusion, chaos, and a toxic environment.

What is the third key to improving communication that Stephan discusses?

The third key is to be open and honest. It's important to avoid lies and be transparent, even if the truth may hurt, as it leads to a more peaceful and trusting relationship.

What should one do to ensure the conversation in a relationship is not all about themselves?

To ensure the conversation is not all about oneself, one should include the other person by asking for their opinion, feelings, or concerns, making the conversation a two-way street.

How can being willing to compromise improve communication in a relationship?

Being willing to compromise shows flexibility and a desire to find a middle ground, which can create harmony and open up the lines of communication, leading to more positive outcomes.

Why is it important to pay attention to both words and body language in a relationship?

It's important because non-verbal cues like body language can convey messages clearly and sometimes more effectively than words, providing deeper insight into what the person is expressing.

What is the sixth key to improving communication in relationships?

The sixth key is to pay attention to both words and body language to better understand the message being conveyed and to respond appropriately.

What approach should one take when expressing themselves in a conversation?

One should take a loving and positive approach, being mindful of how they speak and ensuring their attitude and energy are positive and receptive.

How does the way one approaches a conversation affect its outcome?

The approach significantly affects the outcome because a negative or toxic mindset can lead to the conversation going poorly, even if the intention was good.

What is the seventh and final key to improving communication in relationships?

The seventh key is to take a loving and positive approach when expressing oneself, ensuring that the delivery of the message is considerate and receptive.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Active Listening and Acknowledging Perceptions

The first paragraph introduces the topic of communication skills in relationships, emphasizing the importance of active listening to understand rather than to rebut. Stephan Labossiere, the speaker, advises against waiting for a chance to counter-argue and instead encourages seeking clarity and understanding the speaker's feelings. He also invites viewers to like, share, subscribe, and comment on ways to improve communication, highlighting the critical role of effective communication for a successful and healthy relationship.

05:00

🤝 Disagreeing Without Dismissing

In the second paragraph, the speaker discusses the importance of disagreeing without dismissing the other person's feelings or point of view. He points out that dismissal can lead to feelings of disrespect and defensiveness, which hinder open communication. Instead, he suggests acknowledging the other person's perception while presenting one's own perspective. This approach fosters mutual understanding and respect, which are essential for maintaining open lines of communication.

10:03

💬 Openness, Honesty, and Inclusion in Conversations

The third paragraph focuses on the necessity of being open, honest, and inclusive in conversations. It warns against the detrimental effects of lying and lack of transparency, which can lead to confusion and a toxic environment. The speaker stresses the importance of honesty, even when it may cause temporary hurt, as it builds trust and a stronger foundation for the relationship. Additionally, he advises against making conversations solely about oneself, but rather engaging the other person by asking for their opinions and feelings.

15:03

🤔 Willingness to Compromise and Consideration

The fourth paragraph emphasizes the importance of being willing to compromise and consider the other person's feelings and needs. It describes the negative impact of stubbornness and inflexibility on communication and relationships. The speaker encourages finding a middle ground and being flexible to create harmony. He also provides an example of how to include the other person in a conversation about relationship issues, which can lead to a more receptive and engaged dialogue.

👀 Observing Body Language and Emotional Cues

In the fifth paragraph, the speaker highlights the significance of paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues, such as body language and energy, in communication. He explains that understanding and interpreting these cues can provide deeper insights into what the other person is expressing. The speaker also advises being sensitive to the other person's emotional state and responding appropriately, which can help in creating a supportive and understanding environment.

💕 Taking a Loving and Positive Approach

The sixth paragraph discusses the importance of approaching conversations with a loving and positive mindset. The speaker points out that the tone and attitude in which messages are delivered can significantly impact how they are received. He advises against attacking the other person with words or negative energy and instead encourages speaking in a calm and loving manner. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of entering conversations with a belief in their potential for positivity, even if past experiences have been negative.

🔄 Cultivating Healthy Communication Habits

The final paragraph wraps up the video by reiterating the importance of working on communication skills and fostering an environment for healthy discussions and disagreements. The speaker encourages viewers to share their thoughts on what might have been missing from his list of keys to improving communication. He stresses the need for continuous effort in cultivating effective communication habits to achieve healthier and more successful relationships.

Keywords

💡Communication

Communication is the act of conveying information or ideas through speech, writing, or using other methods. In the video, it is the central theme, emphasizing its importance in maintaining healthy relationships. The script discusses various aspects of communication, such as active listening and expressing oneself effectively.

💡Active Listening

Active listening is a skill where one fully focuses on, understands, responds, and then remembers what is being said. The video stresses the importance of listening to understand rather than to respond or argue, which is crucial for effective communication in relationships.

💡Disagreeing Respectfully

Disagreeing respectfully refers to the ability to express disagreement without dismissing or belittling another person's viewpoint. The script suggests acknowledging the other person's feelings and perception while presenting your own side, which fosters open dialogue and mutual respect.

💡Openness and Honesty

Openness and honesty involve being transparent and truthful in communication. The video highlights that even difficult truths are better than lies, as they build trust and prevent the creation of a toxic environment in relationships.

💡Compromise

Compromise is the ability to make mutual concessions in order to reach an agreement. The script discusses the importance of being willing to compromise as a key to improving communication, suggesting that finding middle ground can lead to more harmonious relationships.

💡Body Language

Body language includes the gestures, postures, and movements that accompany speech and may convey emotions or attitudes. The video emphasizes the significance of paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues to understand a partner's true feelings, which can lead to more empathetic and effective communication.

💡Loving Approach

A loving approach refers to expressing oneself with care, consideration, and a positive attitude. The video advises using a loving and positive approach when communicating, which can make the other person more receptive and open to dialogue, thus improving the overall communication quality.

💡Transparency

Transparency means being clear and open about one's actions, intentions, or thoughts. In the context of the video, transparency is linked to honesty and is essential for building trust and avoiding confusion in relationships.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment. The script mentions being mindful of how one speaks and the energy one projects during a conversation, which can significantly impact how messages are received by others.

💡Resolution

Resolution refers to the act of solving a problem or resolving disagreements. The video discusses that the goal of communication should be to reach a resolution, which is achieved through understanding and addressing each other's feelings and viewpoints.

💡Feedback

Feedback is the process of providing comments or criticism about someone's actions or performance. The video encourages viewers to leave feedback in the comments section, which is a form of communication that can help improve the content and spark discussions on the topic of communication in relationships.

Highlights

Acknowledging the other person's perception is crucial in communication, even when presenting your own side.

Effective communication is key to a healthy and successful relationship.

Listening to understand rather than to rebut is the first key to improving communication.

Disagreeing without dismissing the other person's feelings promotes respect and open dialogue.

Openness and honesty are vital to avoid confusion and chaos in a relationship.

Honesty, even when it may hurt, is better than lying in a relationship.

Avoid making the conversation solely about yourself to foster engagement and understanding.

Asking for the other person's opinion or feelings ensures a two-way communication.

Being willing to compromise is essential for a harmonious and balanced relationship.

Compromising on issues can lead to more positive outcomes and better communication.

Paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues is important for effective communication.

Body language can sometimes convey messages more clearly than words.

A loving and positive approach when expressing oneself can lead to more receptive and successful conversations.

The manner of delivery can significantly impact how a message is received.

Entering a conversation with a positive mindset can improve its outcome, even if past experiences were negative.

Evaluating the relationship when communication consistently fails is important for personal well-being.

Cultivating effective communication skills is essential for the health and success of any relationship.

Transcripts

You can say to someone

okay, I understand that, that's how you feel

and that's how you saw things,

but the way that I saw it

was so on and so forth.

So, you are acknowledging their perception,

you're acknowledging that, that's how they feel

while still giving your side of things.

(Music)

Hey what's up everybody, this is Stephan Labossiere

aka Stephan Speaks

back with another dating

and life and relationship advice video.

Today we're going to be talking about

communication skills, all right.

And more specifically,

communication in a relationship.

I'm going to give you 7 keys

to make it better,

to improve it.

Now, before we get started

as always be sure to like this video,

share this video,

subscribe to my channel, all right.

And below leave me

in the comments something that you feel

would help people improve their communication.

What is one of the complains

that you have about bad communication

or something that you see.

Just give me your feedback

and let's talk about it.

So, the reality is this,

communication is key.

I'm sure you've heard that tons of times

and you've heard it because it's true.

And without proper and effective communication,

it is extremely difficult

to have not only a healthy relationship,

but to experience a successful one.

We've got to learn how to talk to each other

and how to actively or properly listen

and without that again,

we will not see positive results.

And I've seen tons of relationships

through my coaching sessions

and just speaking to individuals,

I've seen tons of relationships that have failed

because of communication issues

not because two people

could not have worked it out

had they simply talked about it

and express themselves properly,

but since they skipped that step

they weren't able to find their resolution.

So, I want to help you

to improve your communication

in a relationship.

So, let's get to it, 7 keys.

So, key number one,

listen to understand

not to give a rebuttal.

One of the biggest problems

when people try to talk to each other

is that the person listening

is simply waiting for their chance

to counter your argument.

Is waiting for their chance to hit you back

is waiting for their chance to defend themselves

or dismiss what you're saying

and that is not going to produce

healthy communication.

When someone is speaking,

the goal should be

to try to understand them.

And if you do not understand

you don't go to attacking them

you don't go to dismissing them.

You go to asking for more clarity,

you go to asking more questions

to try to dig deeper

so that you can have a clearer understanding

of how they're feeling

and what they are trying to communicate.

So, when you are active

in trying to

understand and decipher what they're expressing,

then you can now continue that conversation

in a way that brings resolution, all right.

There will always be time for

a counter argument if it needs to be made,

but that cannot be your focus,

that cannot be how you're going into that conversation.

So, listen to understand

not to give a rebuttal.

The second key to improving communication in a relationship,

you can disagree but do not dismiss.

So, one of the things I've seen with a lot of couples

or even it can be family members,

friends, whatever,

is that the minute you hear something that you don't like

or the minute that person hears something that they don't like

they go to dismissing that individual.

Now, understand that

no one likes to be dismissed.

No one likes to have their feelings

and, and, and, and uhh,

what they're trying to say in that moment

to simply be dismissed and thrown to the side, all right.

That feels very disrespectful.

And when someone feels disrespected,

they're going to get defensive

they're going to attack.

Now, they're going into battle mode with you

rather than now trying to hear you out,

but that's because the stage was set

through the dismissing

of how they felt and what they were saying.

So, again,

you may not agree with everything

the individual is saying to you

but you don't have to dismiss it.

You can say to someone

okay, I understand that, that's how you feel

and that's how you saw things,

but the way that I saw it was

so on and so forth.

So, you are acknowledging their perception,

you're acknowledging that, that's how they feel

while still giving your side of things.

This at least shows

you're not dismissing them, all right.

But again, as I said in number one

even when you disagree

try to keep an open mind

that allows you to

gain a better understanding

of why they feel that way.

When you do

and when someone feels like

you're at least making an effort to get them,

that's going to open up the lines of communication

and allow things to be...

Create a better more positive environment

and it also allows them

to stay in line as far as

listening and trying to understand you as well.

We've got to give

what we want to receive back, all right.

So, do not dismiss

but you are allowed to disagree.

And always disagree respectfully

and always try to acknowledge their feelings.

Acknowledging does not mean

agreeing with it,

acknowledging does not mean

that you're saying they're right.

Acknowledging simply says,

okay, I get that's how you feel,

I get that's what you're saying,

I hear you,

but now let me present what I'm seeing

or how I'm understanding things, all right.

And that will lead to a better conversation.

Number three key

to improving communication in your relationship

is to be open and honest.

Listen man,

all it takes is one lie.

And I said man but I mean people, all right.

Man or woman

all it takes is one lie

to ruin a relationship.

All it takes is

a lack of transparency

to create confusion and chaos

in any relationship.

You want to try to be

as open and honest as possible.

And here's the thing,

nobody is a great liar

to where people don't start to pick up

on the BS, all right.

They don't start to pick up on the fact that

you're holding something back

typically people do start to sense

something's missing here.

And that makes them question you more,

that creates anxiety,

that creates insecurity,

that creates a toxic environment in the relationship.

So, if you want to have a healthier conversation,

a healthier relationship,

improve your relationship,

then you have to be willing to be

honest and transparent.

And yes,

sometimes that honesty

may hurt their feelings,

but here's a thing that I've learned,

even in hurting their feelings

it's much better

for them to have to deal with

the hurt of the truth

than to dwell in the

anger of the lie, all right.

Because when it comes to lying to them

now you create other problems later

but in being honest with them

even though it hurt them

they know they can always come to you

for an honest opinion

or honest perspective

or be you being real with them

about what's going on with you.

That creates a lot more peace

in the relationship.

They're going to have to get through that hurt, all right.

But again, the chance for you

to have a healthy relationship

going forward is much higher

because you kept it real.

So, don't be afraid

and again, there's always a way

to deliver the honesty

that helps soften the blow.

But you much better

or it's much better for you

to be honest and transparent

than is for you to hold back,

be vague, or to flat out lie.

That just creates problems in any situation

and any relationship.

Number four key

that will improve your communication skills

and communication in a relationship

is don't make the conversation all about you.

Listen, if you want people

to be engaged

to listen,

to really try to understand you,

then you have to include them in the relationship.

It can't just be all about you

venting and getting things off your chest

just giving your perspective.

Now, don't get me wrong

there's going to be times where we need to vent, all right.

But think about it like this,

when you've have people vent to you

and all they're doing is just running their mouth

and going on and on and on.

It's very possible

that at some point you tune out,

you check out

because they're not engaging you

in the relationship.

They're not also

considering how you feel.

If it's a conversation about

maybe what they want to see

improve in the relationship

or a problem they had with you previously.

But when someone takes the moment

to bring you in

by whether it's asking your opinion

or asking okay, well, how do you feel about things

or let me hear your side,

your perception of things.

That is enough

to now reel you in

and keep you engaged.

So, it's very important

that you make the conversation

not just about you, all right.

And when you do that

especially in a romantic relationship,

you're going to see better conversation.

So, one other quick example I want to give.

If you say, we need to have a talk

and then you have a talk about things you don't like

that they're doing in the relationship.

Which listen, you should express yourself

and I would never want you to be afraid

about letting it be known how you feel

but what you should add

or what would be effective for you to add is

after you've expressed to them

what you don't like

saying hey, is there anything

you don't like that I'm doing?

Is there any concerns

you want to express to me

that I'm going to be open to hearing you out

the same way I want you

to be open to hearing me out.

When you do that

and you show it's not all about you, you, you, you.

You will now have someone

who's not only willing to listen

and even be more expressive,

but someone who's going to be more mindful

of making the adjustments you mentioned, all right.

And correcting the behavior

because they see that you're truly about

improving the relationship

and not simply about getting

what you feel is important to you

and dismissing how they may feel

about the situation of the relationship.

So, don't make it all about you.

Number five is

be willing to compromise.

There's nothing worse

than feeling like you have to talk to someone

who's so hard-headed,

so stubborn,

and only wants things their way.

Plain and simple

it will cause you to shut down

or not even want to speak to that individual.

Or again,

you may be physically present,

but mentally and emotionally you will check out

because it's going to always be about them

and only doing what they want you to do.

So, if you know

that it has that kind of effect on you,

then you have to be mindful that

it will have that kind of effect on them

if you're the culprit.

And so, you've got to show a willingness

to compromise, all right,

a willingness to try to find a middle ground.

Now granted, some things aren't,

there's no compromise for it

and that's understandable,

but wherever there can be a compromise

that can create harmony

then be willing to do that.

Be willing to be flexible in that way,

show that you're willing to find

something that works for the both of you

rather than just something that works for only you.

When you do that

again, you are going to now

open up the lines of communication,

you're going to engage that person more,

and you're going to find more positive results

after your conversations with that individual.

The number six key

to improving communication in relationship,

pay attention to both their words

and their body.

So, what we're talking about here

is of course body language, all right.

And the reality is that

we don't only express ourselves verbally, all right.

Our mannerisms, our body language

can give off messages very clearly.

Sometimes, even better than our words are giving

depending on how expressive that person is.

And so, you want to not just be actively listening,

but you want to be aware

of their energy, their spirit so to speak.

Their mannerism their body language

because that's going to help you

see deeper

into what they're expressing to you at that moment.

Now, again, if you're dealing with someone

who is very clear

and knows how to fully express themselves,

then you may have some leeway in this department.

But it's always going to be to your benefit

especially in a romantic relationship

to get in tune with your partner

in a way that reads their body language

very effectively, all right.

Because a lot of times...

And for example, you may have a guy

and he's with his girl

and he can see something is wrong

and he'll say well, baby what's wrong with you?

And she says nothing,

but her body language is showing you

something is wrong.

Now, that doesn't mean

force her

to get you, to tell you what's wrong

she may not be ready to talk about it.

So, in that moment you can say to her

because you now picked up on the body language

that tells you something is wrong.

You can say you know what,

it does seem like something's wrong,

but I understand if you don't want to talk about it right now.

When you're ready let me know,

I'm here for you.

So, one, you're acknowledging what you're seeing.

You're letting her know you're there.

Now, she may insist nothing is wrong.

But you at least put it out

that if there's any time

that comes that she is now ready

or willing to talk about it, if that happens to be the case,

you're there.

But not, not just that,

it also allows you

to now be mindful of

what you pour into her going forward.

And again, this can go both ways.

What I'm saying is, if you feel like

her body language is telling you

she's upset

or she's uncomfortable

and her words are telling you

no, it's nothing I'm okay.

Even if she's not going to talk about it

and she's going to dismiss it.

If you can tell something's wrong,

then don't go acting a fool

and pouring negativity into the situation.

Like you know now maybe the best thing to do now

is to create a more happy environment,

maybe the best thing to do now

is just to show her love

and to counteract

that negativity that you see

she's holding on to, all right.

And that is where you're going to win

because you are in tune

with her body,

her body language, and again,

this goes both ways.

So, don't just look for the words,

pay attention to your partner.

And again, this works in any relationship

kids, friends, whatever,

but I have to say this is extremely important

in a romantic relationship, in a marriage.

You want to get in tune with your partner

and pay attention to their words and their body.

And then last on this list

of improving communication in a relationship

the seventh key is

take a loving

and positive approach when expressing yourself, all right.

So, there's a couple angles to cover here.

One,

it's not what you say it's how you say it.

Many times conversations go left

because we have no filter

or we're not being mindful

of the delivery of our message, all right.

And we have to understand that

it wasn't what you said that caused the problem,

it was how you said it.

It was your attitude,

it was that negative energy

flowing out of your spirit

attacking them and slapping them in the face.

Even though you may have been speaking calmly,

even though you may have been talking

properly so to speak,

but your energy, your spirit

was in a negative place

and people can feel that.

So, you want to try to come in,

into that conversation calm

with a more loving approach, all right.

And being mindful of how you speak to that person.

Do not attack them with your words.

Do not attack them with your spirit.

You have to speak to them in a way

that allows them to be receptive

to what you have to say.

But what also contributes to that

is going into that conversation

with a negative or toxic mindset

and what I mean by that is

sometimes, you come off the wrong way

because you went into that conversation saying,

they're not going to listen,

saying to yourself, this is pointless.

Saying to yourself,

well, you're still holding on

to what they did to you previously.

So, you're carrying

or projecting this negative outcome

And so naturally,

you're going to come off negative

and now the conversation goes left immediately.

You got to go into it

believing you can have a positive conversation

believing they're going to be willing to listen.

Even if it turns out that, they don't, all right.

You got to at least come into it

with the right mindset.

Now, if you're going to say to me,

well, the reason why I think that

is because every time I try to talk to them

it's something negative

or they never listen,

then I have two things to ask you.

One, why the hell are you with them?

Number two,

have you been coming with a loving

and positive approach previously?

Because if every other time

they would come, they were

not receptive to you

it's because you came with a bad attitude.

Well, then guess what, you need to try

the positive attitude first

before you write them off,

but secondly,

if you know

you've been putting your best foot forward

and you have been expressing

yourself effectively,

but they're just a person who's not willing to listen

then again, why are you with them?

If you cannot talk to your partner,

how are you going to have a successful relationship?

So, you got to evaluate those things,

but regardless

don't make excuses

for coming into the conversation

with a negative mindset

or again,

attacking them

with the way that you speak to them.

You got to speak in a very loving and calm manner

and when you do,

you're going to see better

and more positive results.

So, those are seven keys.

Again, I want you in the comment section

to list anything that you feel maybe was missing

from this list, all right

and give your opinion on this content.

But again, always be sure

to work on your communication skills.

It's important that you

cultivate an environment in your relationship

where you guys can have healthy discussion,

healthy disagreement, all right.

And find ways to get on the same page

and work together.

When we learn how to effectively communicate,

we will see healthier

and more successful relationships.

So, do not overlook this,

do not dismiss this.

You need to work on it

and work on it together.

So, I hope and pray this video was helpful to you.

Again, be sure to subscribe to this channel,

like this video, share this video,

and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.