Matthew Perry shares his incredible story of survival and why fame wasn't the answer to his problems

Summary

In a candid and heartfelt discussion, Matthew Perry, best known for his role as Chandler Bing on the hit TV show 'Friends,' shares his journey with addiction and recovery. Perry reflects on his first experiences with alcohol at 14, the impact of fame on his personal struggles, and the realization that success did not alleviate his desire to drink. He emphasizes the importance of acknowledging addiction as a disease, the value of seeking help without maintaining secrecy, and the transformative power of helping others. Perry's narrative provides a raw and vulnerable insight into the life of a celebrity battling substance abuse, offering hope and guidance to those facing similar challenges.

Takeaways

• 🎉 Matthew Perry celebrates his first number one bestseller and shares his journey of addiction and recovery.
• 📚 The book 'Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing' is a candid account of Perry's struggles with alcohol and addiction.
• 🎬 Perry's experience on the hit show 'Friends' was complicated by his addiction, which he hid from his co-stars.
• 🚫 Perry emphasizes the importance of not keeping addiction a secret and seeking help, as isolation can exacerbate the problem.
• 🌟 Fame and success did not protect Perry from his addiction, and he highlights that achieving dreams does not necessarily alleviate the struggle with addiction.
• 📖 Writing the memoir was a therapeutic process for Perry, helping him come to terms with his past and find a sense of purpose in helping others.
• 🙏 Perry shares a powerful moment of realization that addiction is not his fault, which was a pivotal point in his recovery.
• 🎭 He discusses how his character Chandler on 'Friends' was influenced by his own sarcastic humor and the way he interacted with his friends.
• 't🤔 Perry reflects on the impact of fame on his personal life and the dehumanizing aspects of being constantly in the public eye.
• 💔 Perry expresses his frustration and feelings of unfairness regarding his struggle with addiction, despite his success and fame.
• ✍️ Through writing and sharing his story, Perry hopes to inspire and help others who may be facing similar challenges with addiction.

Q & A

What was the significance of Matthew Perry's first drink at the age of 14?

Matthew Perry's first drink at 14 was significant because it was the first time he felt a sense of belonging and normalcy, which he later realized was an unusual reaction compared to others.

How did Matthew Perry's experience with addiction progress over the years?

Matthew Perry's addiction progressed from an initial experimentation at a young age to a daily secret habit in his late teens and early twenties, which eventually spiraled into a more severe and life-threatening struggle with alcohol and drugs.

What was the impact of Matthew Perry's addiction on his work during the filming of 'Friends'?

Despite his addiction, Perry maintained a rule not to drink or do drugs while working, respecting his co-stars. However, he often worked while hungover, and his addiction did affect his health and well-being.

How did Matthew Perry's mother's job influence his childhood?

Matthew Perry's mother worked for Prime Minister Trudeau, which led to a sense of neglect as she was often in the public eye and busy. This experience contributed to Perry's desire for attention and validation.

What role did Matthew Perry's friends play in his early experiences with alcohol?

Matthew Perry's friends, the Murray brothers, were present during his first experience with alcohol. Their different reactions to drinking highlighted Perry's unique susceptibility to addiction.

How did Matthew Perry's experience in rehab change his perspective on his addiction?

Matthew Perry's first rehab experience made him realize that his addiction was a disease, not a moral failing or a sign of weakness. This understanding was crucial in his journey to recovery.

Why did Matthew Perry decide to write his memoir?

Matthew Perry wrote his memoir as a means to help others who might be struggling with similar issues. He wanted to provide insight into the addict's perspective and to show that fame and success do not necessarily lead to happiness or solve one's problems.

How did Matthew Perry's relationship with his friend Craig Bierko evolve over time?

After a period of estrangement due to professional jealousy, Craig Bierko and Matthew Perry reconciled. Perry used the experience to illustrate that fame and success do not guarantee happiness or fulfillment.

What was the turning point for Matthew Perry in recognizing his addiction as a disease?

The turning point came when Perry read the Alcoholics Anonymous book, which helped him understand that his addiction was a mental disorder he was unaware of, and it was not a matter of willpower or weakness.

How did Matthew Perry's experience with addiction affect his ability to enjoy the success of 'Friends'?

Despite the success of 'Friends', Perry's addiction cast a shadow over his experience. He was able to recognize that the fame and success he achieved did not fill the void he felt, leading to a deeper understanding of his condition.

What advice does Matthew Perry have for people struggling with addiction?

Perry advises people struggling with addiction to not keep it a secret, to raise their hand and ask for help, and to consistently attend support group meetings until they find one that works for them.

Outlines

00:00

🎉 Congratulatory Remarks and Book Discussion

The speaker begins by congratulating Matthew on his first number one bestseller and warmly welcomes him. They discuss the process of writing the book, which is centered around helping people. The speaker mentions that they have heard of five people who were inspired to seek treatment after reading the book. The conversation then shifts to a lighter note, suggesting having a drink and delving into the subject of the book, which deals with Matthew's experiences with addiction. The book is described as dark, humorous, and grounded in reality. The discussion starts from the beginning, Matthew's first encounter with alcohol at 14 years old, and his distinct reaction to it compared to others, setting the stage for his subsequent struggles with addiction.

05:01

📚 Writing Experience and Impact on the Author

Matthew talks about the experience of writing his book, describing it as a cleansing and wonderful process despite the dark content. He shares the difficulty he faced when reading the book aloud for the audio version, as he found it almost impossible due to the painful memories it brought back. He emphasizes his desire to help people on a large scale and the gratitude he feels for the positive experiences in his life. The speaker also touches on the societal misconceptions about addiction, clarifying that it is not a matter of weakness but a disease. Matthew discusses the impact of his addiction on his relationships and how his past experiences have shaped his desires and reactions in various aspects of his life.

10:03

🌟 Fame, Ambitions, and the Pursuit of Acting

The paragraph delves into the speaker's journey to fame and acting. It mentions his early life, including his mother's work for Prime Minister Trudeau and his own aspirations to follow in the footsteps of Michael J. Fox. The speaker humorously recounts his interactions with the current Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, and the possibility of having been in a physical altercation with him. He also talks about his move to Los Angeles, his acting career, and his friendships with other actors. The narrative highlights the competitive yet supportive nature of the acting industry and the speaker's eventual success in landing a role in a sitcom.

15:05

🎭 Auditioning and Landing the Role of Chandler

The speaker describes the process of auditioning for and ultimately securing the role of Chandler in the popular sitcom 'Friends'. He talks about being the last actor to be cast and how he was initially tied to another show that didn't get picked up. The paragraph details the audition process, including readings for producers and the network, and the speaker's confidence in his ability to perform the role. He also discusses how he incorporated his own style of speaking into the character of Chandler, which was initially written as a sarcastic observer, and how this unique contribution helped shape the character.

20:07

🧩 Personal Struggles and Professional Life

The speaker reflects on how his personal struggles with addiction affected his professional life during the time he was on 'Friends'. He shares that he never drank or did drugs while working, out of respect for his colleagues and the impact it would have on his performance. However, he admits to working while hungover and describes the physical toll his addiction took on him. The paragraph also includes a moment of realization about the nature of his addiction after reading an Alcoholics Anonymous book and understanding the dual nature of the disease as both an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body.

25:09

🚫 Addiction, Sobriety, and the Power of Secrecy

In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the decision to stop drinking and the challenges of maintaining sobriety. He talks about the allure of alcohol and the difficulty of giving it up, even when he knew the risks. The speaker also explains the concept of addiction as a disease, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and not keeping the struggle a secret. He shares his experience of attending his first rehab and the pivotal moment when he realized that his addiction was not his fault, which was a significant turning point in his recovery.

30:09

😢 The Emotional Toll of Fame and Disease

The speaker expresses the unfairness of having to endure the disease of addiction while others did not, despite having similar opportunities and success. He talks about the emotional impact of fame, the loss of anonymity, and the dehumanizing effects of being constantly in the public eye. The speaker also discusses the double-edged sword of fame, where it can be beneficial in some ways but incredibly challenging when dealing with personal struggles. He highlights the importance of getting help and not trying to face addiction alone.

35:12

📚 Writing as Therapy and the Power of Sharing Stories

The speaker shares his experience of writing his memoir as a form of therapy and a way to help others. He talks about the process of writing on his phone and then on his iPad, and the initial resistance he felt when told more content was needed. The paragraph highlights the speaker's motivation to continue writing, driven by the belief that his story could help others facing similar struggles. He also discusses the spiritual aspect of helping others and the profound impact it has on him.

40:13

🎶 Choosing a Soundtrack and Advice for Sobriety

The speaker is asked about their favorite spots in Toronto and what kind of soundtrack they would choose for their book. They mention a song by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush, 'Don't Give Up,' as a fitting soundtrack due to its message of perseverance. The paragraph also includes advice for people trying to become sober, emphasizing the importance of not keeping the struggle a secret and seeking help through support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous.

45:14

🌟 Legacy and How He'd Like to Be Remembered

The speaker shares how he would like to be remembered, expressing a desire to be known for living and loving well, and for being someone who sought to help others. He talks about the importance of proving that his legacy extends beyond his role in 'Friends' and how he aims to spend the rest of his life making a positive impact. The paragraph concludes with a question about whether writing the book helped him understand why he is still alive, to which he affirms that it did, providing him with a sense of purpose and direction.

Keywords

💡Addiction

Addiction is a chronic brain disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences. In the video, the speaker's addiction to alcohol and drugs is a central theme, illustrating the destructive impact on his life and career. The speaker's journey through addiction is depicted through his experiences, from his first drink at age 14 to his multiple stints in rehab.

💡Friends

Friends is a popular American television sitcom that was on air from 1994 to 2004, which the speaker starred in as the character Chandler Bing. The show is significant in the video as it represents a pinnacle of the speaker's career success, yet it is juxtaposed with his personal struggles with addiction, highlighting the disparity between professional achievements and personal well-being.

💡Rehab

Rehab, short for rehabilitation, refers to the process of recovery from addiction through medical or therapeutic treatment. The speaker discusses his experiences in rehab, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and breaking the secrecy surrounding addiction. His openness about attending rehab while on the show Friends was groundbreaking and contributed to reducing the stigma associated with addiction treatment.

💡Fame

Fame refers to the state of being known or recognized by many people, often associated with celebrity status. The speaker reflects on the misconception that fame could solve his problems or fill a perceived void in his life. He shares his realization that despite achieving fame and success, his addiction issues persisted, leading to a deeper understanding that fame is not a remedy for personal struggles.

💡Disease

In the context of the video, disease refers to the medical and psychological condition of addiction. The speaker explains that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing or a sign of weakness. This realization was a turning point for him, as it shifted his perspective from self-blame to seeking treatment and understanding the nature of his condition.

💡Sobriety

Sobriety is the state of not being under the influence of alcohol or drugs, a goal for individuals recovering from addiction. The speaker discusses his efforts to maintain sobriety and the challenges he faced, including the physical and psychological aspects of addiction. His advocacy for sobriety is a key message in the video, encouraging others to seek help and support.

💡Helping Others

Helping others is a recurrent theme in the video, where the speaker expresses a deep desire to assist those struggling with addiction. He finds purpose and fulfillment in being able to offer guidance and support to others, viewing it as a spiritual and healing experience. His advocacy work and willingness to share his story aim to inspire and provide hope to others facing similar challenges.

💡Writing

Writing serves as a therapeutic and creative outlet for the speaker, allowing him to process his experiences and emotions. Through writing his memoir, the speaker was able to confront his past, understand his journey with addiction, and find a new purpose in helping others. The act of writing is portrayed as a means of self-discovery and a tool for personal growth.

💡Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are emotions that the speaker associated with his addiction, feeling responsible for his actions and believing that he was at fault. However, through his recovery process, he learned that addiction is a disease, which helped alleviate feelings of guilt and shame. The video emphasizes the importance of understanding addiction as a disease to reduce self-stigma and encourage individuals to seek help.

💡Survival

Survival is a central theme in the speaker's narrative, particularly when discussing his near-death experiences and his use of an ECMO machine. His survival against the odds led to a period of reflection and questioning of why he was spared. This contemplation of survival is intertwined with the speaker's search for meaning and purpose in life after overcoming significant adversity.

💡Memoir

A memoir is a collection of personal memories offering a first-hand account of events, in this case, the speaker's life and experiences with addiction. The speaker's memoir, titled 'Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing,' provides an intimate look into his struggles and serves as a vehicle for sharing his story with the world. The memoir is a means of vulnerability, offering insights into the complexities of addiction and the resilience of the human spirit.

Highlights

Matthew Perry, best known for his role as Chandler in the hit TV show 'Friends,' discusses his journey to sobriety and the impact of addiction on his life.

Perry shares his first experience with alcohol at the age of 14, which marked the beginning of his struggles with addiction.

He talks about how his addiction progressed from drinking every night to more severe substance abuse, despite his success as an actor.

Perry reflects on the power of fame and how it was unable to fill the void that addiction had created in his life.

He emphasizes the importance of not keeping addiction a secret and seeking help, as isolation can be detrimental to recovery.

Matthew candidly discusses his multiple stints in rehab and the realization that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing.

Perry shares how writing his memoir was a therapeutic process and a way to help others by sharing his experiences and insights.

He reveals that while he is grateful for the success of 'Friends,' he does not want it to define his legacy; instead, he wants to be remembered for helping others.

Matthew discloses the dark side of fame, including the loss of privacy and the constant scrutiny that can exacerbate personal struggles.

Perry talks about the role of his upbringing and early experiences with medication on his later addiction issues.

He shares stories of camaraderie and competition with fellow actors, including a humorous anecdote about a potential fight with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Matthew discusses the influence of Michael J. Fox on his career aspirations and the pressure of living up to the success of 'Back to the Future'.

Perry reflects on the importance of honesty and vulnerability in writing his memoir, as a means to connect with and support others facing similar challenges.

He highlights the significance of the support system and the role it plays in the recovery process, urging those struggling with addiction to reach out.

Matthew shares his experience of being on life support and the profound existential questions that arose from his near-death experience.

Perry expresses his hope that his story can inspire others to confront their addiction and seek the help they need to recover.

Transcripts

um I want to congratulate Matthew off

the top for having his first number one

bestseller

[Applause]

and I just wanted to say what a warm

welcome to a fellow Canadian

very nice to be back here it's lovely to

have you I've been looking forward to

this and congratulations on the book I

really enjoyed thank you very much how's

the process been of just talking about

it it's been you know what it's all

about is helping people and I've heard

already five stories of people that read

the book and checked into treatment

well I thought what we could do is kind

of start from the beginning

um the uh have a drink should we just

have a drink yeah why not yeah no yeah

yeah good idea

um the book is called friends and uh

friends lovers and the big terrible

thing and the big terrible thing is of

course your struggles with addiction

over the years that you talk about in

this book

um it's a it's a dark book it's a real

book it's a very funny book but again

um there's there's reality there and

there's Darkness there and I want to

start kind of where all that began which

is the first time you had a drink you

write about yeah you were 14 in the

backyard somewhere in Ontario right

Ottawa you were with a couple of buddies

what do you remember from that night uh

well I mean I mean that was pretty heavy

I was with uh my best friends of the

Murray brothers and uh we decided we

didn't know what we were doing you know

and uh they got some beers and I got a

bottle of wine called anwar's baby duck

is the name of it and I drank the entire

bottle

and lay in the ground and looked at the

skies and just felt better than I ever

had in my entire life and I thought to

myself this is probably what normal

people feel like all the time

well who are normal people you no

um

you know peop people who just walk the

face of the Earth people and I finally

felt at home for the very first time as

soon as I drank alcohol I just I just

loved it and I had a much different

reaction than the murders did and I had

a much different reaction than normal

people have normal people

have a drink and I feel a little you

know woozy and then they you know go

home and go to work I have a drink and

for the first time in three weeks the

life life seems to make sense

and why would you not want to drink if

that happened to you all the time you

know so you realized in that moment that

other people seem to be responding to

booze this way and I'm responding in a

different way yes but I didn't

understand it at all because I was 14

years old and I didn't I didn't know it

was happening to me

um I just knew I had some issue with

this thing and it's a progressive

disease so it gets worse and worse as

you get older so I didn't you'd think I

would have a drink the very next night

but I didn't and then you know as I was

like 18 19 20 then it really started to

kick in I was drinking every night it

was a secret I would drink with my pals

I would race to a liquor store at

quarter to two so I could have alcohol

at my house and drink more than I did

with my friends and

um it just became this roller coaster to

ride that I didn't understand but even

at the beginning Matthew you talk about

how like even when you were a little

baby

there were you still had an experience

with pills uh it's tough because I don't

I'm going to tell you a story and I

don't blame my parents at all for this

and you'll see why but I was a colicky

kid and I used to cry all the time and I

was constantly crying and my parents

took me to a doctor and he was an older

doctor and he wore a white coat and he

said if your baby's crying just give him

this and they said okay and it was

phenobarbital

which is a major barbiturate and a very

addictive thing and I was 30 days old

and they gave it to me for 30 days so

from 30 to 60 and there's pictures of me

looking like knocked out like my face

was all squinched I was like and they

would laugh because you know Stone

babies are fun I guess but I know that

it affected my sleep for ever I don't

really sleep that well and I'm pretty

sure it's because of that but if I was a

parent and it was

1970 and I was given this by a doctor

and the baby stopped crying I would do

it too but you know now it's like well

you [ __ ] crazy and what do you what

do you feel when you start disclosing

that kind of thing in the book like that

that like what occurred to you when you

heard that story about when you were a

baby

um it was an interesting thing writing

the book

was pretty easy writing the book it was

like cleansing it was like a wonderful

experience I just wrote all these

terrible things I got them down on the

page and

um but reading it

was almost impossible it was like I

disassociated a little bit and I looked

at this book which I had to read Because

I had to do the audio the next day you

had to do it out loud and I had to do it

out loud yeah

um but I looked at the book and I was

just like this guy has had like the most

torturous life I can't believe it and

then I realized it was mean that I was

talking about and you know it was I I

literally had to sleep in a different

room I was working on a laptop and I I

moved the laptop into my living room so

I could sleep that night because it was

so powerfully dark and for so long I

didn't know what was going on I do now

um and that's why the best thing about

me is I can

[Music]

um

help people if they asked me to

um yeah I can

wonderful things happen in my life I'm

incredibly grateful for all of them but

that's the ticket for me is helping

people on a large scale or helping you

know one guy and seeing the light turn

on and him understanding what is

happening because that's the problem you

don't know what's happening you can't

share with anybody because something's

wrong and they might make you stop which

you don't want to do yeah you know a

friend of mine said

you know if the if you're drinking and

like the police came to your door and

said if you drink tonight we're going to

take you to jail yeah you'd start

packing for jail because you have to you

have to drink you can't not drink yeah

you know and the other thing man is I

didn't want this and I didn't I didn't

want to have this problem you know no

and it's so cunning baffling and

Powerful alcoholism and addiction and

you know a lot of people say because the

reason this book has done so well and

been taken into the hearts of so many

people is because everybody's starting

to know or have

Addiction in their life people have the

brother or a sister or grandfather or a

close friend who has Addiction in their

life and they need to know from the

addict's point of view

in this case me

how horrible it is and how they're not

weak we're not weak I'm a pretty strong

resilient guy but it has nothing to do

with weakness it's a disease that we

have and we don't know that we have it

and if somebody says just stop you know

you want to punch him in the face

because they don't know you know Nancy

Reagan had this Nancy Nancy Reagan had

this slogan that said just say no just

say no yeah and you're like well idiot

if I could just say no I wouldn't have

to go to 9 000 AAA meetings I'd just be

at home saying no all the time the

um that I mean that comes up pretty

early on in the book and it's an

interesting thing to read the book as a

Canadian because I think that we get

some context from it that perhaps

American audiences wouldn't necessarily

get like you very early on in the book

talk about that your mom your mom worked

for the Prime Minister that Mom worked

for prime minister Trudeau and that you

say that like he was the most

charismatic man had stolen your mother

from you in the daytime

well she she was you know Alex and Jenny

In The West Wing you know that's what my

mother was for uh Pierre Trudeau and she

was beginning to become a little bit of

a celebrity herself being seen with him

a lot you know and I always have this

image of this big Ballroom like this

room like this this big ballroom and my

mother walking in and taking all sort of

the glory because she was beautiful and

people just knew her and and I was like

five feet behind her and all I wanted

was for her to turn around and you know

focus on me and like be with be with me

you took me and

it's I I want I want I want your company

I want you to help help me I'm a kid you

know and uh she never really did that

and what I realized

as an older guy is that I've I still do

that a little bit what do you mean it's

the it's the it's and this is all part

of addiction and all that stuff but

I still want the unavailable the person

who's not turning around I still like

want that person to turn around and

notice me and

that forms as a guy who doesn't drink or

do drugs that's some that's like a

little bit of a drug for me when a girl

goes I don't want you oh no I do want

you

um

you know it's a little bit of a drug for

me because all I wanted was for her to

turn around or mention me on the news

yeah whatever yeah and she you know

she didn't do anything wrong she didn't

she was just doing a job but that's

something that you know from a young age

it hurt me and then there's this other

Canadian I mean there's also the the

Justin Trudeau part of the book where I

really got a kick out of which is that

you grew up with the Prime Minister

currently yeah

anyway

you may have beat him up yeah it's I

don't know it's still unclear whether

you beat him up or not the Murray

brothers that I spoke about earlier

remember those cuts yeah yeah I would

like them to stand up are they here yeah

Brian Chris

come on you have to stand up stand up

stand up for a second one more time one

more time give him a round of applause

okay so that's here's the deal with them

those guys are my best friends since

third grade

and they and I started talking in this

kind of interesting way

maybe you're familiar with it

but we would say to each other could

that could that teacher be any meaner

could I have more of an attention

and I took that way of speaking

and made like a hundred million dollars

off

[Applause]

these two very very nice guys

they did not do that

but they're nice about it you know I

mean you expect somebody to be kind of

mean about that but they're just great

and I love you guys and

um you know the Murray Brothers also

were there when I first drank so you

know [ __ ] you

[Laughter]

potentially potentially beat up the

Prime Minister that's their story is

that is that I beat up

uh prime minister truth

and you know it's possible and uh it

became a Twitter thing where he I said

it on Twitter I guess and he responded

yes and wouldn't you want to punch

Chandler in the face

and I think we should have another

battle is what he said and I immediately

wrote back you have your own Army

you win good luck in all your endeavors

stop writing to me run your country so

I'm not sure if it happened another

Canadian who means a lot to you in more

of like um

and more of like a path that you sort of

started to follow and something you

started to Aspire to was was Michael J

fox right he he

he was not just in he was not just like

an actor you liked but he sort of

represented something you wanted to

Aspire to yeah Michael J fox and I was

young I'd done a couple of plays in

school and Michael J fox was it man at

the when I was in ninth grade Michael J

fox had just done Back to the Future and

like there was smoke coming out of my

ears I was so jealous of this guy right

and he had at the time the number one TV

show and the number one movie at the

same time

so he was huge and I don't know anybody

else who's done that except me

[Laughter]

[Applause]

you had you had that with the whole nine

yards

out and Friends of course and

they were number one at the same time so

I thought that was pretty cool and maybe

only Canadians get to do that yeah they

choose one Canadian every 30 years

that's right yeah the next one is being

born right now yeah I wish I was there

for that yeah me too

um

um so we'll we'll get to friends in in a

second but before you get the role in

friends you move to Los Angeles yeah uh

you go to school you act in school and

plays and next thing you know you have

an aptitude for acting you start to get

this attention for being an actor you

shoot a movie with River Phoenix you're

shooting a sitcom with Valerie

Bertinelli uh you're hanging out with

this new kind of crew of of buddies yeah

Hank Azaria is is one of them you know

he is guy on Simpsons yeah yeah yeah and

uh who are the other guys who are they

uh David Pressman was a friend of mine

I'll talk about him in a bit uh and

Craig bierco yeah who uh was the

funniest guy and I you know I thought

that I was the funniest guy and I was

just like a little second behind Craig

pierco and he was a little better

looking than me and we all loved him but

hated him because he would get all these

jobs and stuff

um do you want me to tell him that story

now I was I mean whatever you tell

whatever you want go ahead yeah I can

speak freely oh yeah you know the prime

minister is not here okay so you can do

it everywhere that's fine I don't know

you may know this story do you know the

story about Craig bierko

some no you don't okay so the a pilot

season in Los Angeles is a very

important time for actors where they do

all the new shows so you get hired to be

in a new show and if they like it it

gets on the air but you have to do a

pilot first so my business manager

called me and said you have no money

and I said how about a little warning

what what's going on and so I called my

manager and I said I need money you got

to give me a job right away and the job

that they got me was called LAX 2194

and it was about baggage handlers

in the year 2194. did you hear the

Applause someone tried to applaud yeah

I've seen that yeah yeah

and I wore a futuristic shirt and there

were little people wearing wigs and they

were the people in the futuristic people

whatever it was awful but they paid they

paid me the money that I needed to drink

more and eat more and all that stuff so

then a script called friends like us

started to

started to make its way around the

people and

I saw a character in it that was me and

we all know which character that was and

uh I was like I am this guy I am

Chandler you got to get me in to

audition because I'll get it because he

talks exactly like I do and they said we

can't send you in you're attached to the

baggage handler show

and I kept trying kept trying and a

couple of my friends said you're so much

like this guy can I read this with you

and can you show me how to do it

and I did show them how to do it and I

was like don't don't hit that word hit

that word and you'll get it and they got

really close to getting the part based

on that so I was I was just miserable I

knew the show wasn't going to get picked

up I'm reading friends like us it's so

good it's character driven Courtney Cox

is already in it it's like Jim Bros is

directing it it's got all this stuff so

Craig bierko

calls Hank Azaria and I and says can you

please come to meet me at this

restaurant at 10 o'clock in the morning

I've just been offered two shows and I

need your help

to decide which and my first inkling was

[ __ ] you

I don't want to see your success and

vote on it

so

so Hank and I both showed up he had two

scripts in his hand friends like us

and a show called best friends that was

the other show both directed by Jim

Burrows the best director in town and we

read through both scripts and you know

I wanted to

but I'm not a jerk so I said you know

you have to do friends like us and so

did Hank

and then we went our separate ways and

Hank went to the gym because he was

always going to the gym and we Craig and

I went to uh Trader Vic's which uh Fred

Siegel which is a clothing store and

this is back when people were using pay

phones

1994 nobody had a phone

so he picked up the pup the the phone

the pay phone and called his agent with

me two feet away from him and took the

other show

and I said see ya

and I raced home and I was like the

part's still available they don't have

anybody it starts Monday please please

get me in I'll know I'll get it and uh

somebody finally saw the baggage handler

show

and it was not going to get picked up

mostly because it was about baggage

handles

so I was what's called a safe second

which means their Show's not going to

get picked up so we'll hire them for our

show and my manager called me and said I

got very good news for you you you're

reading for Marta Kaufman the executive

producer of friends tomorrow morning and

I was like oh my God I knew my life was

going to change

and I went in there on a Wednesday and I

read for Marta Kaufman and David Crane

and Kevin bright then on Thursday I read

for the producers and then on Friday I

read for the network which was the final

thing there's like 45 people in the room

and there were some other people reading

for Chandler but I knew this was my job

and I and I did it and I did it in my

way and I and I got it and then we

started on Monday that's how fast it all

was and I was the last actor hired in

1994.

the final one and then we started on

Monday and you know the rest is history

[Applause]

foreign

how much of you when you say that

character you said when I when I that

character came up it was me it was

already me but then you I mean as you

referenced earlier you bring your style

of speaking from you and your friends

like what do you bring of yourself to

that character

I mean it really was

what Chandler was originally was

supposed to be an obser a sarcastic

Observer of everybody else's lives

that's what it said in the breakdown so

basically Chandler like had the final

laugh line after a scene and all I

brought to it was the way that the

Murrays and I spoke that was the

different way and I had done four shows

before that and tried to do it and they

were like talk like a normal person

I

think this might be funny you might want

to try it

and

um

you know I brought to it

you know there was a line like I don't

somebody said something about

genitalia

being in somebody's house or something

and the line was well I don't want that

guy in my refrigerator

near my refrigerator and I said well I

don't want that guy near my refrigerator

and they were like whoa what's that keep

going why did you say that why'd you say

it that way

and uh so that was sort of where

Chandler was born

and then he had to wear a lot of sweater

vests yeah there was a lot of sweater

vests a lot of ska fashion back then you

know what I mean like you're like a bass

player in a Ska band you know like big

listen say something else I don't know

what that is

hold on bass player and skobin

and have a pen

it's the CBC we can't quite afford that

um

Trudeau so here's the thing

um

I tried to help you

how did Chandler change as the person

playing with him starts to struggle with

addiction more and more during the

he didn't change what was changing was

me

I had a rule that I would never drink or

do drugs while working because I had too

much respect for the five people that I

was working

with so I was never wasted when I was

working also it would totally turn off

the timing and it would it would it

would just be awful but I did work

extremely hungover and you know at one

point I was shaking so much that if I

was going to cross if I was going to go

from the bookshelf to the table I'd have

to kind of quickly do it and put my hand

on the table so I wouldn't shake and you

know it got it got that bad

um

but Chandler never changed the writing

never changed it was my ability to pull

off

this addiction that I didn't understand

um years later I was in a treatment

center in a detox Ward and I was coming

off of many many many drugs and I picked

up the Alcoholics Anonymous book for the

first time in my life and I read

drinkers think they're drinking to

escape but what they're really doing is

trying to get over a disease they don't

know they have

it's actually they say they're trying to

get over a mental disorder they don't

know they have and I went

that's me I can't believe it this book

was written in 1939 and it's about me

it's about the guy who drove to the

liquor store according to two so he

could drink alone it's about all these

habits about why my reaction was

different than the Murrays when we drank

that day when I was 14 we were all 14.

um it separated me from the normal man

so it was a great day

on the one hand

but on the other hand it meant one day

at a time I have to stop drinking

forever and I thought well this is the

only way I've ever enjoyed anything in

the 20th century

and I have to give it up or you know

it's going to kill me so I I gave it up

for a long period of time and

we'll talk about this I'm sure but

you know the insanity of having another

drink a couple years later and starting

this whole thing all over again

was insane I was insane I am insane but

interestingly enough only in this area

like I'm a pretty logical fellow in

every area but this one yeah and I know

logistically exactly what's going to

happen and I still do it

um

and I couldn't understand that and just

a brief

lesson in alcoholism for you guys that

don't know and addiction of course

um

it's a disease that's the first thing I

didn't know in 1956 I think the American

Medical Association said it was a

disease and

um it's a two-prong disease two things

happen to me and 10 million other people

in the United States

if it's an obsession of your mind

so what that means is you think of a

martini and then slowly but surely it's

the only thing you can think about you

can't think about anything else I got to

get a martini I know I'm supposed to be

over here working but I got to get

another Martini out of the martini

Martini martini

and then once you take that Martini you

break the

um membrane of

sobriety and once you do that

the obsession the obsession is gone but

the allergy of your body which is the

second part of the disease takes over

and says oh now we're drinking

I'm going to make you drink as much as

you did last time and more it's

Progressive so I'm gonna make you drink

more than you did last time and you

can't stop I could not stop unless I was

locked away somewhere and at times I

would call drug dealers and have drugs

brought in to the place I was locked up

in because I was desperate and begging

for drugs because the only way I had to

feel better

and I did not I mean it makes you forget

too it's counting baffling and Powerful

so that thing that I read in the book

you know alcoholism

you know didn't care about that and

alcoholism did not care that I was on

friends and alcohol just did not care

about any of that [ __ ] they just

alcoholism wants you alone it wants you

sick and then it wants to kill you

in the book I I say I compared to the

Joker

because the Joker just wants to see the

whole world burn

and so does alcoholism and addiction

and it took over Decades of my life and

I pray to you if you worry that you're

having this problem or you know somebody

that is raise your hand find somebody

who's smarter than you about this and

talk to them and be honest about it

because the secrets are what kill us

as soon as I

I mean he was pulled out of me by

somebody the first time I admitted it

but I was taking 55 bike in a day

I weighed 128 pounds

I was on Friends getting watched by 30

million people and that's why I can't

watch the show because I was like

brutally thin

and

um

being beaten down so badly by the

disease so I went to Hazelden I went to

my first rehab I didn't really learn

anything I kind of just imitated Michael

Keaton the whole time so I was like what

do I have a problem with them

alcohol

um

and I and I was placed in some kind of

spiritual guys office and we talked a

little bit and as we were done talking

he turned around he I he turned me

around and said just remember it's not

your fault

and I went what

he said it's not your fault and I would

say that again

it's not your fault and I said what do

you mean it's not my fault I'm the one

who's doing it what do you mean and he

explained

addiction and alcohol to me and he saved

my life

because I then knew that it wasn't my

fault that it was that I wasn't weaker

it wasn't my will that was screwed up it

was that I have this disease and I need

to get help and

you know the thing that always makes me

cry and I hope I hope I don't cry here

is that it's not there it's not it's not

fair

it's not fair it's not fair that I had

to go through that I had to go through

this disease while the other five didn't

they got everything that I got

but I I had to fight this thing and

still have to fight this thing

so just to end this on a good note there

are people that will help you and get

their help it doesn't go away

it never goes away

[Applause]

I love you too

I think I think it helps us not to know

each other

you you all but you you also in the book

talk about

how you thought that so there's a scene

in the book where you pray to God and I

want to talk about the two times you

pray to God in the book but I want to

talk about the first time okay the first

time you say something like

like if you make me famous what is it

so I was in my apartment and I read an

article about uh somebody famous and he

was in trouble for doing something and I

want I said to myself I was all alone I

said to myself what does he care he's

famous he doesn't care about this little

thing he's famous the answer to

everything is being famous and then for

the first time in my life I knelt down

and prayed

and that prayer

was

please God make me famous you can do

anything you want to me just make me

famous

three weeks later I got friends

and God did not forget about the second

one but what sticks out to me about that

is that it is just that there's a couple

of moments in the book where you go

I really thought that being famous I

thought that having the number one TV

show I I had everything I'd always

wanted and it wasn't Matthew it wasn't

able to fill the holes I think that was

a that was a powerful realization for

you yeah I mean I I had the American

dream happened to me I got the great job

I was good at it I had a I bought a

house I the house had a pool and you

know I was at the American dream and I

really really liked it

loved it for about six months and then I

walked in my house and went oh man

this is not fixing

this problem that I have how is that

possible

and I wanted to finish the Craig bierco

story because it was really pivotal and

it it was important

um so Craig bierko after he didn't get

friends and friends was on for two years

and was a massive hit Craig didn't speak

to me for those two years

I would call him he wouldn't return

my calls and he just didn't want to be

my friend anymore

um so two years into it he called me up

on the phone and said can we meet I'd

like to talk with you I said of course

yes great

um so he came over to my apartment and

he said

I'm sorry that I have not called you in

two years I could not handle

that you got rich and famous on a show

that I turned down we were both good

enough to get that role and I said of

course we were but let me tell you

something pal

it doesn't do what we all thought it

would do

and we were 24 years old having that

conversation and he didn't believe me

nor would anybody believe me but it was

true that's why I said to him I wanted

to help him out I wanted to say you know

it's not it doesn't solve the problem

you know Jim Carrey did a really good

quote a couple years ago a few few years

ago and he said I want everybody to get

their dream all their dreams come true

everybody so that they could know that

it's not the answer

and it's hard to

that's one of the main reasons I bought

that I wrote I didn't buy it I wrote it

I I bought it you bought it yeah

you know one of the main reasons I wrote

the book was I wanted people to you know

understand that and not many books have

come from the side of the addict and

you know told the story from that side

before certainly not somebody who's been

on one of their favorite shows or

whatever and you know that message is

very is very powerful because

I I thought it would fix everything and

you know it didn't I still wanted to

drink every day

you you talk in the book about how you

were one of the first if not the first

celebrity to be open about going to

rehab about going to rehab during

friends about needing to get help during

friends yeah that wasn't my choice

though that was just

that was just magazines and stuff taking

pictures of me and finding out and I

lost my anonymity that way and at the

time I thought anonymity was pretty damn

important but I was the first kind of

high level

um celebrity to go into a rehab so they

were very interested in that I was on

the cover of everything and it was it

just made everything harder on the other

end it made things easier because I

couldn't exactly go to a bar and go can

I put Martini please as I was on the

covers of everything what is it what

does that do to you I spent a lot of

time in the past little while talking

about how Fame can be dehumanizing how

that when you become a famous person

some of your humanity is robbed from you

most people in this audience in fact I'd

say everybody in this audience if they

had a problem they would be able to get

help for that problem without having

cameras in their face and without having

people [ __ ] screaming at them asking

them questions about are you still

drinking or you know all this stuff

while you're walking down the street

what is that what does that do to you

what does that do to you when you're

already struggling with this and you

have this other

layer to it a really quick answer to

that it's fine when you're doing fine

and when you're not doing fine it's one

of the most awful things in the world

because you have to lie and pretend that

you're doing well and you don't even

understand why you have to do that but

the key thing is that the reality of I'm

going to be famous and it's going to

make me happy

you know is wrong it does do some great

things what you want is an on off button

that's what you want you want to be able

to turn it off when you want to and turn

it on when you do and fellas

I will tell you that if you do get to

play Chandler on TV the women start to

walk up to you

hold on let me just uh let me just write

that yeah that's okay hold on play

Chandler on okay I used to think you've

spent half my night trying to think of

the line what would the line be to go to

the girl and then I was like oh the

girl's right here hi

it's it's lovely to hear you talk about

the show because in in the book you talk

about how in the past you had a

complicated relationship with looking

back on friends in the book you liken it

to the way that Nirvana never played

Smells Like Teen Spirit or that Led

Zeppelin didn't like playing Stairway to

Heaven you know they had a hit song and

they didn't like to play it on stage is

is are these two processes related like

the coming to peace with that and

talking to us so openly by the time on

the show and uh yeah I'm in a little bit

but I didn't watch the show and haven't

watched the show because I could go

drinking opiates

drinking cocaine like I could tell

season by season by how I looked and I

don't think anybody else can but I

certainly could and that's why I don't

want to watch it because that's what I

that's what I see that's what I noticed

when I watch it but I'm I I think I'm

gonna start to watch it because

it

it really has been an incredible first

of all it was an incredible ride but

it's been an incredible thing to watch

it touch the hearts of different

generations and

like all these like

[Applause]

it's become this important significant

thing and you know I would I I think I

would watch that again it was really

funny and all the people were nice and

I've been too worried about this and I

would you know I want to watch friends

too it it

um

you you start the book

friends lovers in the big terrible thing

and the first thing you do is declare I

should be dead

and then a few pages later you ask

yourself the question why am I alive

yeah

I'm curious if writing the Memoir helped

you answer that question

yeah definitely

um

the reason that book's any good is I was

just setting out to help people

um

they say I've heard that if you're

having anxiety you have depression one

of the ways out of that is doing

something creative

so I said okay and I

started writing on my notes app in my

phone

two thumbs and economical that's the way

to do it eventually but I'm faster that

way than this so I wrote about 140 pages

that way over the next like 10 12 days

touching on all these subjects and then

sent it out to my agent and manager and

they said this is very good but it needs

to be 150 more pages

so I got depressed and thought Oh I

thought I was done and then I switched

over to my iPad and I started really

filling this out and making it you know

but my goal was always when I wanted to

stop I was like God this is too much

it's too much stop

um I always went to no fat no matter how

far down the scale I've gone

I'll be able to help somebody who's gone

down that far too

so I kept going

and that's the only reason I kept going

what what does helping other people give

you in your own Journey then

it is I can't describe it it's something

spiritual it fills your heart you see

the lights coming on for a new person

who didn't understand that guy

didn't have the guy who said it's not

your fault

I said that to him

and then I saw this look of

you know this look of

relief that it wasn't his fault and we

started talking in a completely

different way

um

and I get as much help

from talking to 600 people as I do to

one person it gives me the juice the

same amount

um and I think when I lay in this

hospital bed

for five months I had to figure out

well first of all I was putting on an

echo machine

an ECMO machine does all your breathing

and does all your heart work it's a

machine that does that and it's what

doctors and people call the Hail Mary it

never works people put this on this

machine and they die but it you know

it's it works occasionally and

five people had an ECMO machine that

night and the other four died

and I survived and my parents were told

that I had a two percent chance of

making it through the night

so I'll have to live the rest of my life

knowing that my parents heard those

words

and

when something like that happens you'd

think you'd be filled with gratitude

yeah right yeah I'm so lucky to be alive

that's not what it is you don't feel

that way you feel pissed you feel pissed

off you know it's why did this happen to

me and like God and like I vomited into

my respirator and you talk to anybody in

the medical profession and go that guy's

dead there's no way that that guy with

that combination of things survived and

as I started to get better and I started

to get better like you know we were told

by doctors that I was so messed up down

there that they couldn't even

operate for another year and a half

until everything was okay enough to go

back in and so I had to live my life

that way and with really unfortunate

things happening and and you know I

never thought I'd get to sit up here I

never thought I'd it's crazy that I

wrote a number one bestseller you know

I mean it's pretty cool that's pretty

good man pretty good you said in the

book I think you have to have all your

dreams come true to realize they're the

wrong dreams what what are they that's

the product stole from Jim Carrey I

guess what are the what are the dreams

now the dreams now the best thing about

me Bar None is if somebody comes up to

me and says I can't stop drinking can

you help me I can say yes and follow up

and do it

that's the best thing

and

I've said this for a long time when I

die

I don't want friends to be the first

thing that's mentioned I want that to be

the first thing to mention and I'm going

to live the rest of my life proving that

do you want to do some

wanna do some audience questions yeah

you guys ask some questions let's answer

questions I'm done I'm off the clock

well we start with this one okay all

right

do you have any favorite spots to visit

in Toronto uh going to Leaf games

sorry sorry for the Leafs yeah they're

well yeah

yeah Habs fan you know well you've

you've had your time

[Music]

if your book had a soundtrack what would

it be

don't give up

which is a Peter Gabriel

listen to this song when you get home

Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush

and it's just beautiful I don't know if

you've heard it this is a long time ago

but it's beautiful and the you know it's

saying don't give up I mean it's yeah

come on I mean how am I not gonna like

that but the video music video of that

was just them

hugging each other and the camera just

went around until the song was over and

it was so cool and I love that

I've been writing like when I signed the

book I always put don't give up there

because you shouldn't give up

you should I don't know that's a less

that's a less good inscription yeah you

should give up yeah

um Matthew you actually should give up

Matthew Perry

okay

I waited maybe give up uh it's very

wrinkles uh Daria asks Daria okay asks

what advice do you have for people who

are trying to become sober

IA where are you

Darian

hi Daria

just wanted you to get a little Applause

um well we've touched on this which is

uh don't keep it a secret

uh you know raise your hand and say

you're suffering you you are drinking

and you can't stop and then it's like

the disease goes well if you're going to

tell somebody about it don't go away for

a while and that's the way it works but

the Jesus disease always comes back

but that's my advice have it stop be a

secret raise your hand ask for help

and when you start going to AAA meetings

don't leave an AAA meeting until you

know which one is next

that's that's my big hint in a

Amanda asks did you learn anything new

about yourself through the process of

writing this book

yeah I learned

how how

close I came to death

and how often that happened

and how I just never want to do it again

Tiffany asks

how would you like to be remembered I

would like to be remembered as somebody

who

lived well loved well

um

was a Seeker

and

is Paramount thing is that he wants to

help people

that's that's what I want

but I think I'm saying that too much but

it's true well but I think that I think

that's a good a good way to wrap things

up because I guess what I wanted to say

at the end was that

you have already helped us so much I

read a lot of books I have yet to see

one as

honest

and truly vulnerable as this one

and I I know it's also your way of

helping us again

so thank you so much for it thank you

Perry everybody

[Applause]

all right